The whispers are only for myself, and I repeat them often enough to know them all by heart. The truth, I held it under my tongue and prayed...all the while losing my hold on the meaning. Now my words are bent and broken from the release. Questionable promises have crumbled in my fist, and what remains is dry and falls through my fingers. It crashes to the ground in small piles, which I blend back into the earth with my shoe. I grab a handful and press it against my lips; it is rough against my cheek. And I am reminded of where it all began.
p.s. what has changed is mistaken for truth without question.
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«Oldest ‹Older 801 – 1000 of 2853 Newer› Newest»Aw star. I've not heard the word spaz for a while, you do make me laugh.
Well peeps, I suppose I bettr head off for bed too.
Good night everyone, it was lovely chatting again, hope I will see you all tomorrow.
good night ET#9
sweet dreams and see you tomorrow probably lol
Smoke, I got lost driving and ended up in Beaufort when I went to Hilton Head. A man in a Piggly Wiggly drew me the most detailed map ever, and was so sweet.
Night, Miss T!
Gel:
People are still discussing it, because that was the first time, if I'm remembering correctly, that the spokesperson, the mouth, who preached and preached about non-violence this, and you can't solve anything with violence that, first went against their own message.
It's still a problem...just like touring with MSI is still a problem. It's going to be discussed. It will probably be brought up multiple times because it goes directly against the message.
If Frank got over, IF Frank got over it, I'm very proud of him. What are the fans supposed to think though?
Sparkle Wrath:
Kapunua,
You have the option of not listening to the band anymore. No longer buying merchandise, supporting them in any way.
They're not so huge that you couldn't escape them if you wanted to.
What makes you stay?
You're almost bordering now on "Don't Like, Don't Read." Just because I don't like something doesn't mean I have to shut up about them. It's not really the band that's keeping me here, if that's what you mean: it's the people. And maybe in a way the band, because I want this to get back to them. I want them to know we're not all blind, stupid fankids who will just eat up everything they shove in our faces.
But unfortunately you do bring up a good point about not supporting them, and it's kinda funny the way you hit the nail on the head. I'm having a really hard time with this lately and I've been thinking a lot, maybe overthinking. because you see, this is what I do: I boycott. I know it never makes a difference, but I have to do it for my own conscience. I know it's crazy to most people and tha tmost people wouldn't understand it. If you looked around my house, you would not find anything that either tested on animals or uses cruel animal byproducts. You would not find any clothing that was made in sweatshops. I don't buy any medicines from big companies that have A)done animal testing or B) are owned by Halliburton. People think this is crazy of me, but I don't take pills or medicine, not because I think they're bad for you (even though they are,) but because of the companies that manufacture them. I mentioned the diamond thing already. I will never buy Hershey's or Nestle chocolate because their cocoa is farmed by slave children. I only buy fair trade. I do a lot of research and if I find out that something is exploitative of anything helpless, well, it's what I do. I boycott to the extreme.
I realize this is weird.
Now MCR is supporting a band that writes a song about "Five Year Old Panty Shot," and consequently any merch that I buy off them, any future CDs, anything--my money is by extension going to MSI. And I mean, say whatever the hell you want in songs, go crazy, be stupid. But I draw the line at pedophilia. I don't find it funny or jokable. And honestly, that one song has made me have awesome fantasies about putting the heel of my foot through Jimmy Urine's teeth over and over again. There's no way I could support that idiot, directly or through Gerard Way.
To answer many questions thrown my way in the last few days, this is why I'm so over-the-top upset. Hey, call women "bitches" and tell us to get on all fours all you want if that's what helps you sleep at night and makes your penis feel bigger. But pedophilia is not funny.
The worst part of this for me was that I was working on a really fun fan-film for the story of Three Cheers For Sweet Revenge. Got Frank's written permission to go ahead with it and everything, and te thing is about 1/3 of the way done, actually. A lot of people are looking forward to it and looking forward to working on it, too. I don't know how to tell anyone that I'm just not feeling it anymore. It depresses me.
I seriously cant believe some people.
Its over, done with, so can people please LEAVE IT ALONE.
It's still a big deal to me, for the reasons I've stated above, and probably will remain so for some time. I didn't bring the topic up, but I will state my opinion on it. Just as you are entitled to state yours.
I haven't been to Georgia yet, S&V, but I hope to some day. Among other reasons, my favourite aunt lives there.
while I wait for the soil to settle before I plant..
I'd like too share that the tree in our front yard is full of rainbow lorikeets
http://www.luminous-landscape.com/tutorials/understanding-series/dslr-mag.shtml
for a pic.
also giggling at image as Kapunua as mild mannered vet assistant by day - blog ninja by night
Awwww, Star! There are some laid back folks in GA. Where I live, Gerard and Frank could walk in to my local 7-11(that's about all we have, so sad)and I bet you anything that nobody would even acknowledge them. Hell, Britney could walk in and they wouldn't pay her any attention. She would just look like one of the locals.
Ohhhhh! RW! I'm 15 minutes away from NYC. You have to let me know if/when you come! New York is my favorite city, because I have so many memories there. New Orleans is now equal just because it was so awesome.
I can take you to the Barnes and Noble in Clifton where I semi-stalked Gerard when he wasn't famous!
Star, I'm hoping to take a trip to New York City next spring/summer :D We should most definitely meet up for coffee, and I'd love to see the store where G and M worked!
Ergo, that must be beautiful!
Miss T, Ss Midnite, Mustard, CTV, RW, S&V20, and anon: Thank you guys.
And yeah, that fight is still a sickening image in my mind, too. So is Gerard throwing his puke at the fans.
also giggling at image as Kapunua as mild mannered vet assistant by day - blog ninja by night
Heehee, that's awesome. But I'm not even really mild-mannered at wrk, though. ;D
Err, and Ninjas are Japanese, just a little aside. Kung Fu is Chinese. ^_^
Kapunua, it's such a shame you feel that way. But perhaps the message gets through,you never know, MSI may get it too.
We can hope.
otherwise, allow me to hold your nunchucks (?) while you kick away.
What are the thank you's for Kapunua? For whatever they may be, you are so very welcome.
Please don't give up on that film. If anything, it will remind future generations what it was like. Don't give up on that. I saw your excitement in the posts you wrote on LJ. Continue on if it's in your heart to do so. If it isn't, cherish that piece of paper from the one and only Frank Iero for being supportive of something you hold dear to your heart. Just do that for me, for us.
We will definitely get together in NYC, RW!
And yeah, that fight is still a sickening image in my mind, too. So is Gerard throwing his puke at the fans.
That still boggles my mind. I can't think of a single reasonable explanation for that antic.
Well, i'm off to bed now Mayo.
I've been here alone for sometime, just reading some earlier comments.
Most of them upset me.
You'll never realise how much I want the best for you Mayo. Heck, I'd get kicked in the teeth for you.
I have supported and stuck up for you through thick and thin, and still do to this day. But you need to keep me believing in you Mayo, or i'll have nothing to keep fighting for.
I have school in the morning, yet im still sitting here at 2am, pondering how I could just show to you how much I care.
Just remember, theres some of us that'll always be there.
- Jade
We will definitely get together in NYC, RW!
:D
star- beautiful but noisy (they are a type of parrot after all)
there is also spangled drongos, a terrible name for a lovely black bird, but the noise !
The tree has yellow flowers full of nectar, it will drip on your hands, they love it!
hey K how do you link straight to a url?
Jade, sleep well.
We'll all keep believing.
Though we discuss lots of stuff,I think we all want to.
on "that" fight, it makes me cold every time I see it.
S&V 20 - I used to live down South and it was a totally different world for me. I loved it once I got into the grove. I was in SC for 3 years. Have to admit the first time I heard "I'm fixin' to go to the Pig" I was cofused.
Shower time, back in a bit...
Oh dear :( Did the thought of me in the shower make everyone run away??
Ha, Elena. That is hilarious. I don't know what's more funny, that comment or the fact that I actually know what "goin' to the pig" means! It is weird. Like I said, I can go to Atlanta and feel like I'm in a different country. When I say I'm country, I mean literally, COUNTRY! Cotton fields, watermelon patches, and turkey shoots. Yee-haw!
Alright, I'm off to dream of bigger tiaras and Frankie-boo.
Only 2 days until the b-day/costume party! It's Frankoween! Or HalloFrank! Can't decide.
For what it's worth (since I missed all the debating earlier):
1. It's not for me to judge Gerard and LynZ's personal relationship. No more than it is for someone to judge my relationship with my husband.
2. The real concern here is his well-being. We all just want him to be happy and HEALTHY!
3. I do not think the band is a joke. Now, what becomes of the band remains to be seen but I can't forget that these are five very intelligent and talented guys. And in the end, and I hope there is no end, but there are four other individuals that have a say-so and can speak up at any time. Gerard is not that powerful.
4. NO MORE FRANKIE-ABUSE!
5. If you ever want to hide out or dispose of anything (ahem), just come on down to the swamps of GA
6. I'm too sleepy to think of anything else, night-night, sleep tight!
Just remember, theres some of us that'll always be there.
- Jade
i'm one of them, too, jade. you're not alone in your support.
What are the thank you's for Kapunua? For whatever they may be, you are so very welcome.
Just for the support, the shout-outs, the you-guys-being-smart-and-aware kinda thing. ^_^
Please don't give up on that film. If anything, it will remind future generations what it was like. Don't give up on that. I saw your excitement in the posts you wrote on LJ. Continue on if it's in your heart to do so. If it isn't, cherish that piece of paper from the one and only Frank Iero for being supportive of something you hold dear to your heart. Just do that for me, for us.
Yeah, I'm so holding onto that piece of paper so that I can show it to grandchildren one day. ^_^
The movie thing is really bugging me. I was so psyched, had it all worked out in my head. Man, the music was, to me, so beautiful and raw, and the story was such a tragedy. The music is still what it is, it sounds the same but listening to it just feels different now. I was drawn to this band by the things that Gerard said: I read his quotes about racism, sexism and all of that before I heard the music. It was those quotes that made me decide to give them a listen.
man, I was so into that film and so many people are waiting for all of us to finish it. But now when I think about it it's like, "Ugh! Do I really want to do that?"
Not like it's any great loss to anyone, because seriously, it was just a silly, frivolous, not even that well-executed fan-film. I've only done one or two fan-films before (one for 30 Seconds t Mars and one for Lo Fidelity Allstars--that one got back to the band and they liked it a lot!) but really the film was for my friends and I. Gah, I wish I still had the heart for it.
No, I wa using the new vacuum. Now I'm going to go shower!
good night one and all. i hope you all have sweet dreams when you all go to the land of nod.
#8
In time, Kapunua, maybe you will find that same spark again. Maybe one day, possibly when you're old and silver-haired, you'll think, "I think it's time to finish that project I started." Hopefully you, and I, and the rest of us here will have that same bright spark again. Mine has only dimmed because the oxygen that I received from this band isn't as high of a concentration. One day, just you wait and see.
Kapunua come on. You gotta do the film. You are a very talented writer. I'm sure that same talent would translate to film. Do it for the rest of the band.
Good evening, all. Hope you are doing well.
I know the subject of the Live stream from Detroit has been brought up before, and I know it's a touchy subject for some. But I did want to make a quick, (or maybe not so quick) comment.
Most of you here have read my writing enough to know I try, in some small way, to offer encouragement, love, peace and comfort to our host. I have always stated he is human, he makes mistakes... well, you've read my posts.
Having said that, the day after the show in Detroit, J. and I sat down at the computer to watch the repeats on MySpace. We hadn't heard anything about the night before, did not know what was on the clips.
First song in, we talked about how horrible Gerard's voice sounded, and that something was wrong. You could see it, but not quite sure what.
Second song in, again, voice shot, off-key, acting strange. Then toward the end...
J. literally sat back in her chair and whispered, "Oh, God."
This was just not something you ever expected to see happen. There always was so much love and respect between these two. Frank often talked of how he was bullied in school, picked on for years. You can tell he adored Gerard (and I have no doubt still does). For this one person who I honestly don't believe Frank EVER dreamed would hurt him like that...
I know Gerard hurt Frank more that night in so many more ways than physical. Third song, before they started to play, for the moment they had the camera on Frank, you could see he was trying, and barely succeeding, not to cry.
He did better than us.
It was one of the most heartbreaking things we had ever watched.
We couldn't watch the rest right then. I think J. has seen the video of Sharpest Lives once more, but she not only refuses to watch it, she can't even talk about it. If she had been there, I don't think even Worm would have stopped her from grabbing Gerard. And I have to admit, I would have been right behind her.
There may have been many factors for that action that night, and one doesn't always see clearly. But I will say, Mayo, if you are Gerard, and remember, this is from someone who loves you dearly, and wants you healthy and happy, but...
I DON"T EVER WANT YOU TO FORGET WHAT YOU DID THAT NIGHT.
You SHOULD watch that clip. You SHOULD see the damage you did. You took someone who would do ANYTHING for you and treated him beyond comprehension.
IF drugs and/or drink were/are involved, please, ALWAYS keep a copy of that show if you feel like relapsing. It may never be brought up again between you, but never forget it.
I do love you, so does J. We believe in your heart.
Believe in yourself.
L.
Original Punks (L),
I can't bring myself to watch anything from that concert. I always ask "What the fuck mad Gerard do that to Frankie? What did Frank do to deserve that?!"
Most of you here have read my writing enough to know I try, in some small way, to offer encouragement, love, peace and comfort to our host. I have always stated he is human, he makes mistakes... well, you've read my posts.
That's what I love about you, no matter what, you try making everyone feel good. You give everyone love and hope. Thank you both for that.
What you said to Mayo/Gerard, all I can say/do is back you up. All I can do is offer even more support.
Just remember guys, that aberrant behavior towards Frank occurred while he was "in love".
Hmmmm.... always thought when you are in this state you feel like walking on clouds, nothing can harm you, spread peace man etc.
Makes you think, doesn't it?
Frank often talked of how he was bullied in school, picked on for years. You can tell he adored Gerard (and I have no doubt still does). For this one person who I honestly don't believe Frank EVER dreamed would hurt him like that...
Right after it happened, Frank looked just as stunned as the rest of us felt.
Third song, before they started to play, for the moment they had the camera on Frank, you could see he was trying, and barely succeeding, not to cry.
Which song was this? The signal kept cutting in and out on me, and after the fight I couldn't bring myself to watch the rest of the performance.
Made**
Sorry not mad Gerard.:P Although he was mad that night.
Yes, anon. As I've stated before, those were not the actions of a happy man.
Anon that does make me think.
But you know what they say, 'love' makes you do crazy things..
Yes, but the state of consciousness you are in is buoyant and extremely positive, you almost find other things not so important.
That's why I doubt the veracity of his claim.
Anon, all I can say is that I truly hope that Gerard and Lyn-Z love each other.
If they don't, the relationship really is a waste of their time.
Paperheart,
Thank you so much for your sweet words. Its all about the love.
You always write positive posts with a touch of challenge. That's a wonderful trait to have. Hold on to that.
L. and J.
PS. It's me (J.) typing now, or trying to type. Tired. :)
Thank you guys for the sweet words you said.
*hug*
RW, off the top of our heads we can't remember what the third song was. It was their normal third song for the PR shows, we're pretty sure. It was only for a few seconds, and Frank had his head down, tuning his guitar. Honestly, I think I've blanked it out. Does anyone else remember the song?
Anon, I don't think it was love making G. act that way.
J.
It's true, Paperheartxx and Original Punks. You've got positive attitudes.
RW, off the top of our heads we can't remember what the third song was. It was their normal third song for the PR shows, we're pretty sure. It was only for a few seconds, and Frank had his head down, tuning his guitar.
Was this the third song of their set, or the third song after the fight?
Paperheart,
Their relationship is for them to sort out. Real or fake.
He should just concentrate on what he did best, write and sing.
He has settled, now it's time for him to be the best he can be, without the distractions.
Haha you guys are making me blush with this whole positive attitude thing!
lol.
I try, that's all I can think of saying ^_^
I too was so devastated by the Detroit show...poor Frank! It was awful. I wanted to believe they were kidding around but it sure didn't look that way. In the end, a rationalization simply could not make that ugly scene disappear. I hope we never see it repeated.
Anon, I don't understand what you mean by distractions.
The incident happened during "The Sharpest Lives," did it not?
L or J:
Are you talking about the moment after Gerard kicked over the light thing and walked back by the drums for water. He then came back center stage, then Frank came back in after grabbing another guitar, head down, and then kicked the light out of Gerard's way (or out of the way for him, anyway)?
Is that the moment you're describing?
Anonymous, I really really agree with what you are saying. Let's add drawing to the list of things he does best, shall we? =]
He has settled
That's what I fear most about this. That, out of fear, he has given up on himself. He's always given people hope, but has kept none for himself.
Aww RW, and Paperheart, you girls...thanks bunches. I can say from a personal standpoint that being positive feels a whole lot better. We love you guys too. :)
Honestly, we kinda thought that everyone would be going, "FUCK! L. just went off on Mayo! Get outta the way! Never thought we'd see that happen!" Well, here it is. Sometimes she gets a little carried away.
Although, don't get ME started on this subject, cause we'd be here for days. NOBODY hurts my Franky. Nobody.
J. (just call me Rogue)
can i just say i am listening to the desert song at this present moment and i feel that there is so much emotion in this song when gerard sings it. puts shivers through me and thoughts in my head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Original Punks,
Point taken,
May have been substances involved. And if this was the case, may show long term problems. May also show being "in love" not necessary step in his happiness.
However we express things here, we care, we just see things fundamentally different.
Anonswers;
I love that song!^_^
It sends shivers down my spine.
ok, what is the desert song?
its like he is singing to someone inparticular and i also love early sunsets.
MIB,
That is exactly the moment we're talking about. Like I said before, it only showed Frank for a few seconds, but that was enough to see the sorrow in the droop of his shoulders, the way he was breathing. So heartbreaking.
RW, it was the third song of the set.
J.
shanan
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AqebQ9oKJHA
this is a link to a video with the desert song as the background song. watch it or listen to it. its good
RW, it was the third song of the set.
Thank you. I will have a look for it.
A little late, but nonetheless:
That's what I fear most about this. That, out of fear, he has given up on himself. He's always given people hope, but has kept none for himself.
I fear the same. As much as I disagree with some of the shit that gets pulled onstage, there is a beating, human heart that resides in that man. He has dealt with or is currently dealing with some of the same things you and I have. He is who he is. He has given so much. They all have. I'm afraid that when this "high" is over, he's going to see what is really inside of him. He's going to turn himself inside-out, look in the mirror, and again hate what's looking back. I don't want him to have to do that again and again. Because that sucks beyond belief, to realize you aren't who you thought you were. He was so focused on making other's lives feel important and make them feel like they mattered by using his own stories that he got caught up in the midst of all of it and lost himself. It's really, really bumming me out.
Thank you...I know it just didn't know the name of it...stupid huh?
Shanan, I just heard The Desert Song this past summer and fell in love with it right away! ^_^
Mustardisbetter,
that breaks my heart...I pray you aren't right!
RW,
He has given people hope, because he wanted to believe in the hope for himself, at a more innocent part of his life, when he was not so exposed to a seeder side of this business.
Now,... well, we all change, and our experiences form our reactions to life.
Sometimes, when we are more sensitive, we must tuck a part of the away to survive.
You guys;
Thank you for the lovely conversations we've had here today. For now, I am off to bed.
Mayo; I'm going to leave you with this. Be true to who you are. Don't hide your fear, your sadness, your sorrow. Show how you truly feel.
Love to you all;
*hug*
-007
goodnight, paperheartxx!
g'night...me too...off to bed!
I'm afraid that when this "high" is over, he's going to see what is really inside of him. He's going to turn himself inside-out, look in the mirror, and again hate what's looking back.
And for that reason, I worry about him.
'Night, Paperheartxx and Shanan :)
Sometimes, when we are more sensitive, we must tuck a part of the away to survive.
Yes. That little boy. It hurts to sometimes be who you are. It's much, much easier to tell false truths. "The truth, I held it under my tongue and prayed...all the while losing my hold on the meaning. [...] I am reminded of where it all began."
Mayo, I hope to God you're sincerely reminded.
He has never really looked at himself in the mirror, that is too frightening for him, that's why he is always on the go... that is safe for him.
If this relationship is not right, he will be looking for a replacement long before it ends, even before anyone knows, because he cannot be alone.
MIB:
Well put. It saddens me to think that he may be caught in a roundabout of feeling less than worthy, then using placebos to give him false courage. When he realizes those don't work, he feels unworthy again, and the cycle repeats. That's why we keep saying treat the problem from the core and not just the symptoms. Can't get well until the original issue is resolved.
J.
Well put. It saddens me to think that he may be caught in a roundabout of feeling less than worthy, then using placebos to give him false courage. When he realizes those don't work, he feels unworthy again, and the cycle repeats. That's why we keep saying treat the problem from the core and not just the symptoms. Can't get well until the original issue is resolved.
Which is why I believe that the therapy of "lying to yourself until you believe it" is so potentially harmful to someone like him.
He has never really looked at himself in the mirror, that is too frightening for him, that's why he is always on the go... that is safe for him.
I can't fault him. I make it a point to avoid very polished glass. Not worth it.
...he may be caught in a roundabout of feeling less than worthy, then using placebos to give him false courage. When he realizes those don't work, he feels unworthy again, and the cycle repeats.
That's what I've been trying to say.
If this relationship is not right, he will be looking for a replacement long before it ends, even before anyone knows, because he cannot be alone.
"It's very much about saying 'I can do this alone sometimes. I can get through this. I just have to be strong and I can get through this. I can make it. I wanna live."
Makes me wonder where "Famous Last Words" came from.
He is aware of the cycle,....only lacks the strength and conviction to fight it.
It was almost impossible the first time....now feels impossible.
the sad thing is it will never work unless he learns to look at himself.
It will be an endless cycle.
He is aware of the cycle,....only lacks the strength and conviction to fight it.
which is why he should be listening to his friends who can give him strength, or LynZ needs to be strong enough to help him break the cycle for both their sakes
The girl has problems of her own.
"It was almost impossible the first time....now feels impossible."
But the fact that he did do it once should show him he CAN do it, Sure, it'll be difficult, but it's been done before.
Anonymous said...
The girl has problems of her own.
If thats true then heaven help them.
Anon:
You've been very helpful and have spoken very plainly. I commend you on this. It's not like that everyday around here.
But, this begs the question, are you speaking from first-hand experience, or is this your opinion based on things you've seen from afar? I will understand if you choose not to discuss it.
anon
I was dreading but expecting you'd say that.
Sometimes though, fighting together is easier than fighting alone. You never know. (trying to be a bit positive )
star I agree, but giving up is easier, that's why so many people do it.
I believe he could but it's he who needs to believe that
Lyn Z strong enough to help Gerard? We all wish. But she's the biggest addict in the whole crowd and she's not trying to clean up her shit. The prime enabler. Coke and booze all the way with her. Ask around. Or just watch her drink until she's tanked almost every single night and watch what goes on after the drinking.
Gerard is FUCKED not in agood way.
My fear is that he won't have the inner strength to do it again. He may know what the problem is, but he may not have it within him to correct it. And I'm afraid he's so stubborn that he may not allow anyone inside his "safe circle" so they may help him fix whatever's wrong.
Doesn't his family see what's going on?
anon @ 4.02
so true
mustard, do you think that "safe circle" is what he calls the "bubble"?
anon 4:02,yep
I said "trying to be a bit positive"
but yeah heard the same thing, But I still want to reatain a bit of hope it won't be a disaster.
[On a completely different topic, not being nasty but where do American infomercial people come from?? I am seeing the 9 minute marinader, and it is hilarious, they are always so surprised at everything}
Couldn't tell ya, Ergoproxy. I think they must be bred in a factory somewhere, same as telemarketers ;)
anon at 4:04, alright, we both seem to know something. I'll say a little more.
Gerard thinks he is going to "help" or "save" Linds. But at other times he will join her in indulging thinking in some weird logic that they can "go through it together". I think he probably knows he's bullshitting himself again but he refuses to see it.
His family? Gerard has shut a lot of people out. He is ashamed and masks it as being "independent" of them.
There was a rumor going around a while back that compared them to Kurt and Courtney. Well that's what a lot of people who watch them go through this are calling them, "the Kurt and Cournty of cocaine". See Gerard won't try heroin, not because he's afraid of needles because you can in fact snort heroin, but because he thinks he's "above" it, like heroin is a street drug for losers who want to die, and he DOESN'T want to die. But he still thinks of cocaine as a "safe" drug as long as he doesn't do it "too much" and can just stop when he's ready. When Lynds is ready to "take on the challenge".
It's fucked up.
That's what I would say. I'm afraid he won't let anyone inside that bubble to help him when and if he needs it. I picture the scene from LOTMS when the camera operator begins to ask him if he's okay, obviously drunk out of his mind, and he laughs it off, swings his arm at the guy in a playful manner, and walks on saying, "I'm good!"
That's the scene that's replaying in my mind.
anon - oh dear
And now I must head to bed. It's way past my bedtime. Wizard of Oz had entered into tech week & I've got Glinda's pink frothy nightmare of a dress to work on tomorrow *grimace*
Have a great night, everyone :)
(Mayo: Instead of asking for unconditional love, ask to love unconditionally. It's in you to accomplish that.)
See Gerard won't try heroin, not because he's afraid of needles because you can in fact snort heroin, but because he thinks he's "above" it, like heroin is a street drug for losers who want to die, and he DOESN'T want to die. But he still thinks of cocaine as a "safe" drug as long as he doesn't do it "too much" and can just stop when he's ready. When Lynds is ready to "take on the challenge".
Where's the therapist that needs to be told this, if what you are saying IS TRUE?
Goodnight RW. I was going to type a Wizard of Oz comment, but this being Tech Week, you'd probably want to choke me!
Have a good day tomorrow!
night RW. Read some TP before bed to lighten your thoughts.
My dad's a costume designer, I knew there was something else I meant to tell you in my email!
The scary part. Gerard still thinks of himself as "sober" because he's doing it for a reason and the old stand by, "he can stop anytime".
A lot of what was on LOTMS was played up for attention and drama. yeah Gerard was really wasted those times. But Gerard can drink and drink and not act drunk or look sick. Most alcoholics and addicts can. So when people are looking for him to be stumbling and fucking puking everywhere (which he sometimes still is, just not all the time in front of fans)!! you're missing the point.
It sucks and it's scary to watch it all happen like this. It was safer when he was open about it.
Oh umm Gerard gave up therapy. He "can take care of himself".
good night resurrected wreck!
that's what i was thinking as i read what you wrote mustard. that damn bubble of his. sounds like a good thing on the surface, but it's not a healthy way to live.
and now, what with the anons tonight are saying...
shite. why am i such an ethical witch? *grr*
Thanks, Star :D
Ergoproxy, we must discuss costumes! I shall answer your email tomorrow.
'Night, all!
'Night, Toujours!
Anonymous @ 3.46a,
It may feel impossible, but nothing EVER is impossible. What strength he lacks can be found in others who want to help. The people who love him will hold him up, carry him if need be. He must learn to ask them to share his burden, and trust that they will do so. And he must believe that they will stay with him, even if he pushes them away.
He says he has a fear of failure; he doesn't want to let anyone down. "Anyone" seems to encompass a world full of people, from band to fans to family to friends to crew, and on and on. He says, "Trust me, I won't disappoint you." Then the doubts sneak in. He then begins the cycle of destructive behavior, and subsequently says, "LOOK! I've fucked up again! See, you can't trust me after all." It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and he's back at the beginning of the cycle.
He is one man. One human. He cannot take on the world by himself and expect not to make mistakes. His responsibility is to himself first and foremost; if he does not help himself, he cannot help anybody.
It is better to stand in the middle of the street and scream "HELP ME!" at the top of your lungs than to stand silently on the sidewalk trying not to disrupt the flow of traffic.
J. and L.
Fuck.
Yes, the attraction of their own reflections.
He in fact is much more emotionally stronger, just so pigheaded and arrogant.
He is not scared of hurting himself, quite the opposite.
so is there anyone actively trying to help him? or is everyone just giving him "space"?
So, he sees part of himself in
Lyn-Z, and she the same?
Not scared of hurting himself how?
I'm hoping that back on tour might be the best thing that could happen right now. Push would eventually come to shove, I would think and someone would have to address it, right?
I've been reading for the past hour...
I'm with you Mustard!
FUCK!
I know Myalyas. That's all I can think right now.
Anons:
Would you care to divulge how you found out about this blog?
Have any of you lived with hardened addicts?
Not only do they drag you down to their level with their dysfunctional behavior, they can suck your own sense of self, through constant fear, ... fear of their outbursts... fear of their safety.
They can only be helped, if THEY want help.
No one...I mean NO ONE can do that.
They feel safe in this enclosure. Until they hit rock bottom, then maybe, they can pull themselves out or ask for help.
He is a very troubled man, he is deluded in his thinking on himself and on LynZ.
If you really see cocaine as a 'safe' option you are well and truly fucked in your thinking.
so basically, the people around him are in the same position we are in, in a way -- only able to watch and pray.
Last Anon,
That's very true. Nobody gets help until they see their own problems.
What is Brian doing about the situation?
J.
Oh, man. All I was thinking through all of these posts was "rock bottom".
I didn't want to say it because I am a cockeyed optimist, even though I've seen it in my own life with friends.
Anon, you obviously do not fear any outburst from him or you would not be speaking so openly. Were you at one time close to him? Are you now?
And yes, true alcoholics do not necessarily act drunk, when tanked, more hyper or aggressive.
And they can handle a lot more of the substance than others.
Should be in bed but still lurking...
Was Gerard loaded the night he attacked Frank on stage during PR?
Brian's got to be in his own nightmare. From what I saw in LOTMS, he tried, they all tried and couldn't do anything the first time until he hit rock bottom.
Mustard I totally agree - FUCK.
This is what I've been afraid of since the strange behavior began to show during PR. Guess I was just trying not to think it cause in some weird way I was hoping if I didn't really think it out loud then it wouldn't be true.
See, his version of "love"
what i'm wondering is if this all would be different if they hadn't done prorev. i mean, it's a "what if?" -- it's in the past -- but i wonder what the path would've been otherwise?
Guess I was just trying not to think it cause in some weird way I was hoping if I didn't really think it out loud then it wouldn't be true.
I know.
toujours, I think it would've been similar - just someone else instead of LynZ, don't you?
Elena, I felt the exact same way you did.
I keep thinking of the interview he did on Untitled Rock Show where they first talked about PR. He said it was gonna be "A real chill summer." I know at that time he was engaged but he seemed calm and focused.
I think this is a time I really hope anons are bullshitting.
the alternative is too scary
myalyas, i honestly don't know. i saw him right before the start of prorev, and he just felt very...
"good" for wont of a better term to me. the craziness that escalated during prorev really took me by surprise, because of that initial feeling i had.
malayas I agree, he'd find someone else to fit the mould.
I was like the original punks - watching the PR live feed, I immediately heard that he was not on vocally, and then when I saw the tantrum he threw, I KNEW something was wrong. Ever since then, I've been looking for the answers, the proof, so to speak... Eventually, I ended up here.
I hope they are too, but I don't think so, Ergo.
Anonymous, has anyone tried an intervention? And why do so many people fear Gerard's anger? No one seems to want to confront him.
J.
Exactly, Original Punks. Why is he able to get away with so much?
j. -- didn't gerard say in that interview from vfest this year that his dad has a very bad temper? throwing trash cans at people bad? i wonder how bad gerard's temper can be?
No one confronts him because when angry he cuts them out of his life.
Are you guys afraid of his anger?
I'm not.
Does his mom and brother pussy-foot around him too?
I hope they are too, but I don't think so, Ergo.
I'm afraid as well.
He probably just doesn't even listen. Obviously we all know you can talk to someone until you're blue in the face and if he's not receptive, it will go nowhere.
I keep thinking of the Anon who was in here the other night who said something along the lines of "what if you don't want to change?" I had no answer. The person has to want to stop.
No one confronts him because when angry he cuts them out of his life.
permanently? that's not good...
No one stands up to him? Why are people afraid of confronting him? They probably won't be anymore distant than they already are.
No one confronts him because when angry he cuts them out of his life.
With no explanations or apologies, eh? That would explain why he feels he can push a message for so long and then just walk away from it.
Look at what happened to his previous intended. What about the public humiliation?
Look at previous friendships,... see a pattern?
it sounds like it's all so tangled up in knots...so complicated...
Anon:
With the current situation, is their going to be a demise of the band. Is this all over with?
So everyone thinks it's better to let him have his way, possibly kill himself in the process, than to get in his face, piss him off, and save his ass? We've compared him to a four-year-old previously; this confirms that he throws tantrums.
The only way to curtail tantrums is to stop them entirely. Doesn't anyone have the balls to stand up to him? Take a risk of alienating him in order to save his life? Again, where the fuck is Brian? Isn't he at least concerned about his meal ticket? Doesn't seem like anyone except Frank has any nerve to keep beating away at Gerard, and he can't keep doing it alone. He's gonna snap one day, too, I'm afraid.
J.
there has to be others also standing up to him, standing up for him. has to be, right?
Yes, he is sounding more and more like a egotistical spoiled selfish brat.
I'm going to bed.
good night, myalyas. good dreaming, too.
Night Myalyas. Hope you sleep well.
J.
I'll try to sleep, but the thought of who is power of attorney is now is terrifying
I keep thinking about something Frank said. They were talking about Gerard's drinking and that when he hit rock bottom that afterwards Gerard thanked his band for giving him one more chance. Frank said "This was Gerard. We would have given him a thousand more chances. (not exact words but same meaning) Perhaps this is part fo the problem? His friends love him so much they let him get by with so much. Sometimes loving someone has to mean that you must stand up to them. I don't think the rest of the guy will do it. For too long they've treated Gerard almost with awe.
I'm kinda nauseous.
I think maybe they believe that without Gerard there is no MCR. Maybe they're right.
Mayonaise,
Sometimes,all of this reminds me of a story my father told us (repeatly,I might add)about how as a young boy,he and a few friends wanted to ride a donkey.
The boys took turns jumping on it back and trying to persuade the donkey to give him a free ride.
Nothing happened,then suddenly,it gently picked up his leg and placed it hoof on one of the boy's toes.
All hell broke loose...
Screamin and hitting the donkey did not work. It just stared at them,like they were idiots and did not seem to care about the pain it was causing their friend.
Then,my dad remembered the donkey liked apples and used one to entice it.
It worked! the donkey miraculously moved toward the apple.
They saved their friend and decided to not mess with the stubborn(in their eyes)donkey for awhile.
My Dad was reckless at times,but still a smart boy.
regards everyone,
`sc
Jackass=Gerard
Myalyas, that actually made me laugh in spite of myself.
i just keep wracking my mind trying to find the key to this -- i do not want a picture of gerard ever on my remembrance altar, never.
is there anyone he listens to now? anyone who can get past the barriers?
toujours, I cant wait to see his likeness painted on black velvet and sold in all the flea markets and convenience stores...
I'm sorry. That wasn't funny.
I'm gone for real this time.
TJ there must be someone, but maybe the time just isn't right yet
Hey guys.
I would like Brian more in the picture,he seemed to help so much last time, but he is so busy with Riot Squad and other bands.
But like Toujours said,there has to be someone right?
My biggest fear is that suicide is still a way out for him "if something happens." I'm afraid he'll just do it.
i just keep wracking my mind trying to find the key to this -- i do not want a picture of gerard ever on my remembrance altar, never.
I so hear you. Unfortunately, the way things have been going lately I think he's got a 50/50 chance of coming through this, and I do not like those odds.
I really hate to leave it on that nore, but I have to get to bed. Chat to all of you later...
Elena,
Excellent point.
J.
Goodnight Myalyas!
The good news is: it's entirely up to him to save himself.
The bad news is: it's entirely up to him to save himself.
(okay, going now...)
I can kidnap him and hold him hostage with a kangaroo!
Goodnight RW!
Sleep well.
gods no, mustard, resurrected wreck -- i hope you don't mind if i fervently reject what you've both said.
Hey, I'd help you Ergo.
That's what I'm afraid of. When the good news is the bad news, that can never be a good thing.
gods no, mustard, resurrected wreck -- i hope you don't mind if i fervently reject what you've both said
No, please do. I've been trying to reject that thought for the past 6 months. I'm scared for his life.
Wow,
Just popped in, and read this WOW!
What can anybody do?
How can you help someone, who thinks everything is so great? And also seems to have a partner in crime?
Looks like that anon was right about something...this is his version of love.
I cannot really look at him as any real figure head anymore, comes off as quite a narcissist.
But I still do respect the other guys, and I do think they are hamstrung on this.
i will be so mad at him if he dies, you have no idea. don't make me mad mayo!
I think the others, meaning the guys in the band, are between a rock and a hard place. Just not sure what that rock and hard place is.
I think I'm off to bed everyone. Keep them in your thoughts. That's all we can do.
Umm...do you guys really think it's a good idea to talk about the S word here? Where Mayo, who may be our friend, can read it? Let's not put thoughts out there, ok?
Positive thoughts. Comfort, love, peace, harmony, unity, support, hope.
Mayo, L. and I will continue with the whispers, the prayers, the love. You are in our hearts, and in so many others', tonight and every night. God bless you.
We love you.
L. and J.
Goodnight Mustard,sleep well.
good night mustard, sleep well.
l. and j. -- you're right, you're very right. my fears overcame me.
please keep reminding us to be positive, yes?
I'm getting the impression, he is not suicidal.
He is self destructive, but seems to obtain some form of pleasure from this. And also seems to have another addict along side of him.
They must almost see this as recreational. Man. it would be so much better if he was Straight Edge.
oooh, entropy, i echoed you. O_O
that was kind of weird to see.
I've said it before. The hardest part is watching this all happen and knowing there isn't a damn thing I can do to help him. Well in my case there is but I'm sure some would think the notion of saying a prayer for a person you haven't met strange. Well I've always been known to be a bit strange. So I will utter a prayer for him. A prayer that he doesn't get consumed by the darkness.
Always, Toujours.
And on that note, we bid you a fond goodnight.
Until tomorrow...we love you, our friends. Mayo and Shitsubou included.
Love,
L. and J.
l. and j. -- thank you, and good dreaming to you both.
elena, i've been praying every night, too. i think you and i might be praying to different gods, though -- but that's okay, it just means greater coverage, right? :)
Elena:
One last note.
We don't think that's strange at all. We've been praying for him, for all of them, for some time now. It will help; we must keep the faith.
The OPs
We're cool like that toujours.
:)
Goodnight Punks.
Sleep well.
believe it's same God different name or interpretation. Let's just say Greater Being.
Night to all who are leaving
yes, it isn't the name that's important, but the prayers themselves.
Good evening/morning/afternoon all! I have finally recovered from my weekend of music, sun and fun. I hope you all enjoyed your weekend as much as I did.
It certainly does not seem as though Mayo did :( Oh well, I shall hope for the best!
Afterall, Gnothi is correct. Truly glorious things can arise from dust/ash/soil. We have only to provide the proper care and nurishment to renew what was once buried. Then we can sit back and watch it thrive!
To sdock10, I'm afraid I must disagree with you regarding your thoughts of ultimate betrayal. I believe the ULTIMATE betrayal comes from WITHIN. Betrayal of yourself; your core beliefs, what you know in your heart and soul to be right/true and going against that....
Just my opinion though and I do still love you ;)
And to Sister Midnite, we're ALL special in our own unique little ways. For instance, I think your boot collection makes you quite special *wink*
Did someone mention kangaroos? I must catch up!
Hey anon616!
Glad to hear you had a great weekend.
hi 616 I am planning a kangaroo army to kidnap Gerard and force him to face facts. I am a high school teacher and used to dealing with unryly children(teens).
I may be small but I'm feisty!
Hi entropy! Yeah, I actually have a tint of color now. Not sure if I like it though. I'm used to being nearly transparent, skin tone wise ;)
Was that you who mentioned the kangaroos Ergoproxy? I can help you organize that army. If your short a kangaroo or two, I'll even volunteer to hop into a kangaroo suit for ya ;)
Hi everybody!
I made the mistake of coming back to play catch-up before I went to bed. Now my flippin' head is swimming with stuff I want to say, so bear with me or skip ahead.
Firstly, I'd just like to point out that I am not even remotely trying to judge his relationship. I don't know him, I don't know her, and I don't care if they're together. My comments about whirlwind marriages were meant to apply to *everyone*, not specifically G-Way. If they're truly happy together, fantastic. Just because I don't personally buy it, doesn't mean it can't be so. It's an *opinion*, people: everyone has the free will to agree or disagree.
Which brings me to my second point - tonight's posts about him, and his 'problems'. The Detroit Projekt Rev live-stream knocked me on my ass, as it obviously did for a number of people here. Then on a long weekend, I watched LOTMS, the House of Blues Hallowe'en 2006 show, and then the Pro Rev stream again. It gave me the chills all over again, because it was the same voice inside an entirely different person. Everyone changes; it's how the world works. I just wish I could say that the changes seemed to be for the better.
I still can't figure out what his intentions really are -- is he happy? Or is he trying to self-destruct? Since this summer, I have yet to see a pic or vid-clip of him where he looks as 'happy' as people keep saying he is. I'm not saying it's not there; I *am* saying that I just don't see it.
I won't go so far as to say that I'm afraid for his life. But I will go so far as to say that I'm afraid for his well-being. There's only so many times you can repeat a pattern before it does serious damage. To him, and to the people who love him.
I think he's both stronger and weaker than he sees himself. What he hasn't seemed to have learned yet is that he can use that strength to beat the weakness back into oblivion. I'm still hoping that he gives the meaning in 'Famous Last Words' a chance to prove itself.
*whew* End of rant, and now that my head is empty I can climb into bed with my kitty-love. *HUGZ* to all, sweet dreamin's! ^_^
PS - Kapunua, you rock SO HARD.
it's time for me to go to bed, so good night all -- lots of stuff to think about now, i'm afraid, but going to hang onto hope, as well.
mayo, we've been talking up a storm about you tonight, bet your ears have been burning! i want to tell you to be strong because i believe you are, but it always pisses me off when people tell me that. it's like they're telling me they don't have to worry about me because i can handle whatever trouble comes my way.
you don't have to be strong. there's a ton of people here on this blog and in your own life willing and able to be strong for you. so just keep going forward, through whatever shit you might have to, okay?
sweet dreams, everyone.
best to you at the concert, mayo.
Goodnight to both of you Sis midnite and Toujours!
Sleep well and hope to talk to you tomorrow.
Anon616 said:
And to Sister Midnite, we're ALL special in our own unique little ways. For instance, I think your boot collection makes you quite special *wink*
Thanks! I'm sure a lot of people think I'm 'special', all right. If 'special' = totally fucked! *heh heh*
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