tic-tac-toe

Nothing provokes me like someone trying to tell me what I can or can’t do. And I am not talking about “Eat your vegetables”, “Take out the trash”, "Don't run a red light", "Don't steal shit", or "Don't stick a knife in someone" (well maybe the red light thing, once). That stuff is important and I get that. What I mean is when someone is attempting to assert control over me, primarily for their own gains or because they consider my actions irrelevant, then I am full-on instigated.

In fact, I can be a bit immature when confronted with authority. A holdover from adolescence, I presume. For the most part, because I am an adult I am able to identify when the limitations being placed on me are legitimate and necessary. And I bite my tongue.

But, nothing pleases me more than to shove it in the face of whatever or whoever attempts to assert unnecessary control over me. Tell me I’m too old to do something, to act a certain way, then you can bet I’ll be first in line. Tell me what I say is irrelevant and I’ll carry on until I find an ear. Attempt to limit my behavior because you don’t consider me worthy and I’ll increase my efforts until you are red faced.

What amazes me is that they (those attempting control) do not understand that their assertions invariably expose their hot buttons. See, now I know what pisses you off and I can be an asshole, so there you go. But, like I said, I can be a bit immature.

Also, I find it unnecessary for someone to belittle a person because their opinion does not run parallel to their own. Typically, name calling will get you nowhere. We are each entitled to our own beliefs, and our opinions will undoubtedly run counter to other's. And if I don't agree, I'll let you know. I'll give you my point of view and perhaps some facts that I may have squirreled away for the occasion to back it up.

Usually this works and we can agree to disagree. But, if you are maliciously handing me my head over and over about whatever burns your ass, then I will most likely ignore you.

That works in two ways. First, I don't hear you any longer. I can continue my life knowing that I made an attempt to express my opinion. And hopefully you now realize you are not going to change mine. Second, I don't hear you any longer.

Then later, under my breath, I'll call you an idiot. And let's face it, if after all that you still think you can change my opinion...well now, we don't need to go there. Just for the record, I won't try to change yours, either. Your opinion, that is.

With all that being said, (and feel free to ignore any of it) please keep in mind that I am a bit of a smart ass. And I have been known to dish out a good natured hard-time. If you poke me, I'll poke you back...sometimes I poke first.

I think I read somewhere something along the lines of...we need to be able to best deal with those things that impact us emotionally, and we need to handle them ourselves. As individuals the decisions we make are what we can control. The rest is up to the rest.




p.s. ask yourself.

For old times sake...

Here is a little something I have learned. Or, perhaps it is inherent in my nature.

There is beauty in most every moment...life, and I mean all of it. Seriously, that is not to say that I can find a silver lining in the beating of an old man for his wallet, or the rape of a young girl. But, some of my more elegant words arrive from the ugliest of times, and I suppose the inverse is true, as well. Anyway, I think they are.




There was a ball, a strike, a kiss, and some much needed sleep.

We awoke to a quiet house that, after a few short hours, would be alarmed by uncertainty.

The phone call and waiting cleared my head. All I could consider was what I would miss if I was met with the loss of such a good friend. Those other things, my schedule, would wait. And, the wait was endless. I was anxious because I could not be there to hear firsthand the explanation, the reassurance. But I knew, I already knew why and how. What I needed to hear was that it had been fixed.

And it was. You are fine and I still have you to call when I need a laugh, to shoot the shit, or to find reason in things that make sense only to friends that have been there from the depths. We will have our once every chance we can get (which is not often enough) visits.

I will tell you again that you are my friend.

Still, I can’t let go of the feeling I had when I thought you were gone. In those few hours I was bombarded with memories built on some ten years time. I thought how fortunate I was to have had my life filled with your energy, your support, and all the trust I could ever imagine.

I paced while waiting to hear the news, and as I circled the floors over and again the strangest thought came to me; I would be okay. I have come a long way and I have you to thank for some of that. You give a good kick in the ass. And, there is something amazing in that.

Let's not forget the flood, the funk, the summers, and that high speed departure.




p.s. wherever he is, he’s all over the place.