Friday, September 12, 2008

Echolocation

It was written from another’s perspective. A recollection of a conversation turned first person. Expensive, anti-climactic words ringing in my ears with an unrelenting need to, once again, find voice. In reverse, they became a bit of guilt unfurled to reveal how my selfish needs superseded best interest. Recall that I held on too long, to that room, to that moment.

“Just say it, say it already”

“I don’t.”

As painful as it may have been to hear it rephrased in that manner, I never meant to be cruel. And now, when the melody of the moment presents itself, I am reminded to never again make that mistake. Although ironically, it was only after repeated cost that it became my lesson. I hope it has become yours, as well.


p.s. volumes like breadcrumbs lead back.

5,657 comments:

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Anonymous said...

*offers @'s*

Hello there

@7<7@

resurrected wreck said...

Also worked in restaurants a lot, in various poritions. Never waitressed, though.

resurrected wreck said...

*positions

toujours said...

good to see you again ear anon. :)

i find i prefer the physical jobs over the desk ones, resurrected wreck. most of what i like to do in my free time (reading, writing, drawing, sewing, blogging...*grin*) involves me sitting on my butt -- i really like balancing that with a job that makes me move.

resurrected wreck said...

I've never had a desk job. Though I have had jobs that mainly involved me standing behind tills. Those were a bit dull.

Anonymous said...

does she? I didn't think so. he never will.

toujours said...

i haven't had many desk jobs, but oh man, it's deadly dull. i'd like to find a nice bookstore to work at maybe. i enjoyed working at the library, but it didn't pay enough to live on.

there isn't much available here, i'm finding.

toujours said...

hello cryptic anon(s).

resurrected wreck said...

Is there a website you can go to to look up available jobs in Seattle?

Anonymous said...

Ludo lyrics are totally funny and sarcastic, don't read too much into them.

ergoproxy said...

hello again
it was so quiet befoer I went to ahve a lie down and watch red Dwarf

how are you TJ?
I'm sure you'll find something soom

back all primped RW?

hi anon(s)

toujours said...

yeah, i do the craigslist thing, and tomorrow i think i'm going to compile a list of temp agencies to call from here, and see if i can get something lined up.

thanks for the info, 10:57. i've never heard them, so i didn't have a musical cue to go on. i wasn't sure...

ergoproxy said...

oh TJ the lyrics were Ludo their songs are meant to be taken very lightly, the film clips are really funny also, so don't take them seriously

resurrected wreck said...

back all primped RW?

Shaved, plucked, manicured, and moisturized, EP!

toujours said...

hi ergo, i wondered where you had wandered off to. :)

when do you leave again? i want the countdown.

toujours said...

thanks, ergo! i kinda felt that was probably the case with those lyrics, but you can never know.

Anonymous said...

it has nothing to do with lyrics

Anonymous said...

Ergo have you heard their Ep Broken Bride? It's really good.

Original Punk J said...

Evening all.

Anonymous said...

2 anons, just for those keeping count.

resurrected wreck said...

Hi, J! :)

How's things?

ergoproxy said...

this is another song of theirs, it's maybe a bit more obviously sarcastic:

Good Will Hunting By Myself"

Why should I watch Matt Damon cry without her at my side?
I pined as days went by, but now it's fine
'Cause in the end, we're such close friends, sugar-n-spice, and since then
There's more time for me, I've started a diary and washed my car again

And I can watch Good Will Hunting by myself (it's cool, it's fine)
I can shop for clothes without her help (it's cool, it's fine)
I can hang out with my friends, do the good times ever end?
Yeah I can watch Good Will Hunting by myself

It's okay that you haven't called me in a week or two
I'm sure it's hard for you, it's been hard for me too
But as long as wood still floats, I can sow my wild oats and paint the town red
The party's far from dead, I'm happy in my empty bed

And I can watch Good Will Hunting by myself (it's cool, it's fine)
I can shop for clothes without her help (it's cool, it's fine)
I can hang out with my friends, do the good times ever end?
Yeah I can watch Good Will Hunting by myself

[SOLO]

Girl, I remember when we was sittin' on your couch
Watchin' Good Will Hunting, holdin' hands and drinkin' milkshakes
But milkshakes melt, people change, and you dumped me on my birthday
Right after I bought you that really expensive thing from the Body Shop
Called Jojoba Loofah Milktowel or something like that
That I sold 147 Cutco knives to afford, but whatever, hey, it's cool
I've moved on you know, I'm happy now - well, happy in a crying sorta way
You know, curled up naked in the shower biting your knees wishing you were dead kinda happy
But I realized you were right, we were never meant to be
And you know what? Thank God
'Cause you're the most vapid, whiny blah I've ever met
Always making fun of my clothes, telling me how hot other guys are, asking me to pay you gas money?!
Buy your own gas you bug-eyed mooch - it's your car and it costs more than my house
Oh and now you're going around trying to sleep with my friends
Hey good, that really makes you an empowered individual - no wait, did I say empowered individual? I
meant two-cent gutter slut
Listen you tanning-bed-baked, broke-ass, goat-faced, oompa-loompa monkey problem
I am proud to shop at Target, I'll wear warm-up pants any day of the week
Yes, your ass did look fat in those jeans, your mom's a M.I.L.F.
And I plan to get on your little sister just as soon as I give her a call back, oh and you know what else?

You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself (you bitch, please die)
You can waste your life without my help (you bitch, please die)
You can hang out with your friends, that is if you had any friends
You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself 'til your eyes fall out
You can watch Good Will Hunting by yourself - I hope your eyes fall out
Why don't you go watch it by yourself?

Go to hell!


the tunes they have are light and catchy as hell too, makes the lyrics funnier.




this time tomorrow it will be 4 hrs from me taking off, then it's 8 hrs till I get there, with a 3 hr stop in the middle, but my parents are coming out to the airport to see us

ergoproxy said...

hello J

and hello to all the various anons

I haven't heard it anon, it's hard to get stuff here, I think I'll have to order it in, but what I've seen on youtube etc look good

Anonymous said...

Ergo, it's quite worth it, a rock opera so it's a bit over the top, but the last song still makes me cry.

Original Punk J said...

Pretty good, RW. I'm really tired tonight (sleepy-tired), but I can say with relief that I spent the afternoon at my mom's, with her and a sister, and they both acted like NOTHING WAS WRONG. So I guess the letter did the trick.

Ergo, we got your package today! Thank you so much! Everything is so cool: the tea towels are a great size, ours here are much smaller; L chose the orange pen/keychain set and I have the red one; and our new little lambkin friend is on the computer table with Monty and Phil! Sparkle is so excited about her that she's worn herself out baa'ing. ;)

We already have our keychains on our keyrings. :D

toujours said...

hi there j.! :)

thank you, ergo, i'm making notes.

and thank you to 11:05 for the current anon tally.


and i'm going to go get more coffee. brb

resurrected wreck said...

J, good to hear you're doing well :) How's L?

ergoproxy said...

oh J so glad it got there! :D

I thought the pens & keyrings were pretty, they are aboriginal art type patterns
and I'm happy sparkle liked her pal, I hope Monty and Phil don't feel homesick seeing all the pics on the tea towels

Original Punk J said...

Hey TJ, having a good weekend?

RW, L's doing well too. She's having more good days than bad.

Ergo, Monty and Phil apparently surf the Web during the day, and have made friends with some other Australian furry folk who've been transplanted to America. They get online and talk old times. :)

toujours said...

i'm back.

so we have two anons, one talking about music, and one that seems a bit angry? or am i misreading that?

and hello again to j., because i said it so quick as i rushed to get my fix. :)

toujours said...

it's a "meh" kind of weekend, j. how is yours, beyond the miracle of the letter?

Anonymous said...

I'm the musical one. The other one does seem a little angry. MadTV is a lot funnier than SNL, or at least this one is.

resurrected wreck said...

Glad L is doing well :)

Well, I think it's time for me to sign off. Going to read for a bit, then turn in.

Have a lovely evening, everyone :)

Original Punk J said...

Yeah, I see where I stand in the grand scheme of coffee, TJ. Mmm-hmm.

;)

Hello Anons, what's happening?

ergoproxy said...

I am not sure what the anon is miffed over, or if we can help.

I'm glad the family is less stressful j, how is L going?

Original Punk J said...

Goodnight RW, sleep well!

TJ, the rest of the weekend has been dull in comparison to the Miracle of the Letter. Why, I wouldn't expect anything less! After all, it WAS a miracle. (As sassy as I sound, it really did freak me out.)

ergoproxy said...

I watch MADtv anon, my dad used to buy MAD in the 70's.
I find it funnier usually as SNL can be a bit too topical and sometimes the jokes only work if you're au fait with the USA

ooh I rhymed!

Anonymous said...

I loved Mad, I have two of the Snappy Comebacks to Stupid Questions books.

toujours said...

good night resurrected wreck. it was very nice to talk with you tonight. :)

Yeah, I see where I stand in the grand scheme of coffee, TJ. Mmm-hmm.

*blushes, but sips at her coffee*

:)

it's a cool thing though, j., the letter, i mean. i bet it felt good to have effected a change.

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, someone posted Love Me Dead! I was thinking about buying that album. Love Me Dead is fantastic.

I miss Solly, Smoke and Fimble. They are so awesome.

Mayo, we forgot to tell you. We stopped in Japan, bought sake, and toasted you. :D

I have pics! I will post them once I'm home. Tomorrow is the last full day. God, that went so quickly.

Anonymous said...

Looking forward to the pics, and buy that album.

toujours said...

oh! and thank you for the clarification, 11:26. it is much appreciated.

toujours said...

hey there kapunua. pics will be good!

ergoproxy said...

goodnight RW sweet dreams

anon I used to like them too, also the cartoon strips and Spy vs Spy

ergoproxy said...

oh hope I can get a look before I go, tomorrow is going to be a busy day

Original Punk J said...

It's ok, TJ, I live with the Imperial Empress of Coffee, so I'm used to it. ;) She routinely knocks me down on the way to the Krups Machine of Heavenly Delight in the AMs.

And yeah, I feel that I've accomplished something by writing that letter. It may not change their minds, but I said what I wanted to say. My soul is restive. (I think that's the right word.)

Ergo, when do you and yours leave on holiday?

Anonymous said...

Hi TJ, Ergo! :)

hey anon, thank you! I think I will do. Remind me when I get home. I have a tendency to forget to buy things that I want, but I think that would be a good investment. :)

ergoproxy said...

this time tomorrow +3 hrs

Anonymous said...

I tried the letter thing one time, it didn't work but it made me feel better.

Anonymous said...

hey everyone

toujours said...

that's very good, j. and it doesn't really matter if you cahnged their minds or not, because you've come to terms with it. that's the best change there is, the internal kind.

Anonymous said...

Here's something weird. I saved about five dragonflies today. Boychild found one that looked like it was dead in a low windowsill indoors. It ended up being barely alive. I took it outside where it washed its little bug face with its little bug hands and then it died. Back inside, my cousin Chrissie and I found a bunch more dragonflies, all just lying there, stil in the window well. I picked them up one by one, and they weren't dead. They seemed to have just given up! They were stuck in the window well and had nothing to eat or drink. So one by one I took them outside where they all (except for the first one, a beautiful green,) flew away. I really love those insects.

Anonymous said...

Definite good investment, I'll remind you.

toujours said...

hello anon(s?).

that's just what i was saying. :)

ergoproxy said...

hi new anon

Anonymous said...

Dragonflies rock.

Anonymous said...

Smoke, Solly and Fimmy, I read your messages to my family and they said thank you so much. They all thought you guys were so lovely. Chrissie said "That English girl is so beautiful!" The Boychild really liked all of you, too! And Mummy K had so much fun chatting with us this morning. ^_^

Anonymous said...

Let me try that again. Hey everyone. Goodnight RW, sweet dreams.

-BC

toujours said...

that's sad about the first dragonfly, kapunua, but lovely that you were able to rescue the others. do you suppose they were also a message?

toujours said...

hey bc, why are you anon?

Anonymous said...

Oh man, I love dragonflies. A big blue one sat on my finger for a long time today and let me get a good look at his face before he flew away. I had one of those "I might get teary" moments. ^_^

Original Punk J said...

Hi New Anon that is BC, how are you tonight? And what are you doing being anonymous? :P

ergoproxy said...

oh hi BC

you look different today

Anonymous said...

I cry at them too, I thought that was just my lame thing.

ergoproxy said...

they are so pretty,we get these really bright red ones over here they are an amazing colour.
I like how they hover over the water as though they are watching you
but the nymphs are vicious

Anonymous said...

Aren't they so sweet? I kind of like bugs to begin with, but things like dragonflies and mantises and spiders really appeal to me. I find them beautiful.

TJ, I do kind of take it as symbolic. Of what, though, I'm just not sure yet. ^_^

Anonymous said...

I actually like ladybugs the best, I like how they all go in your house when the weather starts to get cold.

Anonymous said...

Ooh, red dragonflies. Nice!

I like ladybugs, too. they do swarm the house! But it sucks when you find a bunch of dead ones in the doors and windows.

Anonymous said...

Haha thanks. I deleted my blogger/google account(I feel like I don't need a blog anymore) so I can't signed in.

So I'm signing in as an anon with initials tonight :p

I'm good J, thank you for asking. How are you? I'm up to nothing tonight, just making a new myspace and deleting some stuff.

TJ, I wanted to say that I'm sorry about your friend's mom. You have my condolences *hugs*

-BC

Anonymous said...

I'll be back in a bit, guys; I have to go write some stuff. :)

Anonymous said...

Yeah, and then I unexplicably feel guilty.

ergoproxy said...

oh I saw that about ladybeetles on tv once, about insect supersenses, they don't do that over here.

I like asassin bugs, you can keep them as pets, and stink bugs although they smell dreadful if you annoy them they can come in such incredible jewel colours. I like phasmids too

toujours said...

see ya, kapunua.

thank you, bc. it was a real shock. *hug*

i'm sorry you deleted your blog! i know i didn't get over there very often. *hangs head* will you still be around blogbelieve, though?

Anonymous said...

and now you must link pics Ergo, for I have no idea what you're talking about.

Original Punk J said...

Doing alright, BC. Tired/sleepy, but otherwise good. What made you decide to delete your blog?

TJ, I missed the news about your friend's mom. What happened?

I don't like bugs. I don't hate them, but I don't like them. The outside is their space, and the inside is mine, and never the twain shall meet. :P

toujours said...

j., this morning when i got online, i found out that my friend's mom had died overnight. it was totally unexpected, she had been taken to the hospital with chest pains, rushed into emergency surgery, and now she's gone.

i'm worried about my friend, of course, even though she has a solid support system there in seattle, but it was also a shock as to how fragile life is.

Anonymous said...

I have just become aware of a movie I must see, Religicous.

ergoproxy said...

oh sorry..
*blush*

phasmids are stick insects but there are brilliant ones that look like leaves and these giant ones too
assassin bug on the right we had one as a lab pet for months a few years ago in my yr 12 biol class
closest to our jewel stink bug I could find

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry for your friend, TJ, that is hard.

Anonymous said...

Thank you Ergo, the jewel stink bug is stunning.

Anonymous said...

TJ, yep, I'll still be here.

J, I can't exactly explain it, but I'm at a point where I don't feel I need to write one anymore. I feel like I'm done, like I want to move on from writing and take a break from it.

-BC

ergoproxy said...

giant walking stick

our museum has them and you can hold them sometimes
they have oddly intelligent faces

ergoproxy said...

but why not just keep the account so you can be blue BC?

Anonymous said...

J, how can you hate bugs? There's some pretty ones too. I like lighting bugs :p

Hi there anon.

-BC

Anonymous said...

I do enjoy an odd looking bug, they actually make me believe in a higher power. And hi BC.

toujours said...

thank you, 12:10. she's the kind of person who takes on the responsibility for everything, a champion worrier. i'm hoping she is going to be able to make it through this.

Anonymous said...

So cute, Ergo. They do look intelligent, don't they? I love bug faces. They actually make me feel kinda heart-melty.

Anonymous said...

Ergo,

Probably because I might not be here too frequently. There's stuff in my life and in myself that I unfortunately have to fix, I'll leave it at that(nothing to do with schools or jobs)

But enough about me. I didn't came here for that. I hope you guys had a lovely day?

It was hot!

-BC

Anonymous said...

TJ, it's that kind of sudden stuff that scares me so badly. And this awful plane crash, too, my gosh.

ergoproxy said...

oh I forgot to tell, last night at 2 am we were woken up by the weirdest noise, sort of a high greating "eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer"
over and over, so I got up and went out and turned on the light and my cat Gary had been annoying a gecko, about 6 inches long and it was PISSED!
It was on the floor all arched up and vicious and making that noise, I couldn't pick it up or anything so I sort of herded it behind some stuff so he'd leave it alone, my goodness it was really really angry!
(not that I blame it at all, but I've never seen one do it before)

Original Punk J said...

I hope your friend makes it through alright, TJ. What a shock...so her mom hadn't been ill before this? What a shock, I'm so sorry to hear about that.

BC, I can dig it. Sometimes you find that you've said all you can say, or done all you can do, at least for the moment. Maybe at some point you'll start another. But yeah, you should keep your blue name at least. As for bugs, I don't hate 'em, I just don't have an appreciation for them. We DO keep a watch for spiders, b/c L nearly lost one of her cats to a spider bite several years ago. So, we find a spider, we kill it right then.

Anonymous said...

TJ, I'm sure she will make it through it, unfortunately she doesn't have much of a choice. I feel sorry for her because I haven't had to go there yet. I can't imagine what it's going to feel like.

Anonymous said...

Oh, I have to tell you guys something funny. We took Boychild to see the light parade tonight, wich he loved. Anyway, they sell really cool things there, one of which is this light up skull that's about seven inches long. You can hang it in a window or wear it as a necklace, and I wore itm, of course. The jaw lights up alternately on top and bottom so it looks like it's chomping. I showed it to the Boychild and said, "Nom nom nom!"

So now he thinks Halloween skulls are "nom noms." He kept grabbing it while I was carrying him and going, "Nomnom?" Hilarious. I was like, "Darling, it's a skull," and he was all, "NOMNOM." Also, a few days ago I bought him a plastic pirate sword. He must have seen me pick it up and go, "ARRR!" Because now swords are "args." And pirates are "yo hos" except for Jack Sparrow, who is "Dack."

Boychild makes me LOL. :)

Anonymous said...

And here I thought Geckos just talked in English accents and told me about insurance. Yes, I'm American.

ergoproxy said...

I don't like house cockroaches, or hairy spiders or flies or mozzies.. but other than that I find them really fascinating, I did some entomology subjects at uni and they were great

toujours said...

the sudden stuff is when you feel like someone drew back the curtain and you see what's real, if you know what i mean, kapunua.

j., her mother was fine, had never had a heart problem that they knew of. the surgery was an aortic dissection, which is apparently exremely risky. she said that it's the same surgery john ritter had there at the end of his life.

when i read her lj this morning, all it said was "she's gone" and i had a teasing comment all ready to write, because i thought she was being melodramatic about a friend moving away. i couldn't believe it when i started reading the comments.

Anonymous said...

Cockroaches give me the creeps, spiders are okay unless they are way too obtrusive into my space and have weird markings I can't identify. I try to herd them outside for the most part.

Anonymous said...

I find them fascinating too, Erfo. I have a really hard time killing anything to begin with. I don't know, even teeny little things. I'm so weird about life, and taking it, even little bugs. Skeeters, ticks and fleas don't count. ;) But little bug bodies are so delicate and weirdly lovely, and I hate hate hate to hurt things. Even if I see a little bug drowning or struggling or something it bothers me. I have issues.

Anonymous said...

J, right now my hand is too cramped to put my name in blue. I type a lot, but let me go see what I can do...

The other day I saw a daddy long legs crawling in my downstairs bathroom(I didn't kill it) I have a lot of spiders in my house, but it's not that bad, hehe.

-BC

toujours said...

12:23, you can be sure we're all going to be doing what we can to get her through.

unfortunately, i have experienced it. it's a soul-deep shock.

Anonymous said...

I know, TJ. ANd I hate that side of reality.

ergoproxy said...

hahahs anon I have seen the gecko insurance ads, they are cute

on a serious note, your friend will find it really hard TJ and it'll be something she never fully gets over, so to speak, but with the help of all her friends (near and far) and her family I'm sure she will manage, just try and be there for her as much as you can. Women are lucky in a way I think as they usually will talk to others, but I'm sure she will appreciate all her friends thoughts

Original Punk J said...

Kids, I think I need to go to bed. I had a blood sugar drop a while ago, and it, on top of my other tiredness, is wearing me down really fast. So I'm bailing.

Goodnight Ergo, TJ, BC, Anons, all and sundry BlogBelievers. Hope you have a good day tomorrow.

Mayo, are you still with us? Are you thinking about things going on in your life? I know I am. Some look simple to fix, some not so simple. But I'm going to keep going, because the not-so-simple ones are the ones most worth the effort. Goodnight, Mayo. Sleep well, my friend.

love, faith, hope, sleep, perchance to dream

toujours said...

kapunua, i'm like that too. and oh man, the few times i've tried to save a bug, but accidentally squashed it? so much guilt.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha anon. The Geico commercials, where you can save 15% on car insurance lol.

-BC

Anonymous said...

Oh man, TJ, a few months ago I accidentally killed a teeny baby spider while I was sweeping. I was so upset.

toujours said...

good night j. sweet dreams.

ergo, i know we're all going to be rallying around her. i'm glad she has so many friends.

Anonymous said...

Goodnight J.

Anonymous said...

Goodnight J, sweet dreams to you and L, and get plenty of rest!

Brb

-BC

toujours said...

oh, kapunua. poor baby spider. i always use the glass and cardboard trick, and there have been unfortunate occurrences. i am always very careful now. i talk to them too, while i'm rescuing them. tell them what i'm doing, just in case there's some way for them to understand. sometimes, it seems to help. :)

ergoproxy said...

goodnight J sweet dreams, adn to L also

TJ it will be a big comfort to her.

things like this just reinforce how fragile life is and how much we should try to communicate etc while we do have the opportunity

Anonymous said...

Aww, I talk to them too! I talked to all the dragonflies today too. A few of them kept flying back to the window well and I told them they were being self-defeating. :) Most bugs though, spiders as well, I just pick up in my hands and move. I dont' put spiders outside unless they are huge, and it's warm. In cold weather I just move them to a different room or put them in a corner. I like to have spiders in the house.

ergoproxy said...

there are only certain things I kill and only if they are in my area, if they are outside that's theirs, but I often just avoid the room until hubby can move it

Anonymous said...

Goodnight guys.

Original Punk J said...

Dear SS,

It's a beautiful, cloudless night. Let's get a blanket, something to drink, and head for the back yard. The stars promise a spectacular show tonight. It's the perfect place to spend a couple hours listening to the dark. Maybe we'll figure some things out.

Goodnight, baby. I love you.

My heart to yours, always.

Anonymous said...

I'm heading off to bed, too. Good night!

S(S)S, we all talked about how nice you seem and how glad we are of you. You were with us in Sspirit. ^_^

Mayo, Midnight Reverie and sake. :)

Anonymous said...

Ah, now that's better :)

toujours said...

that's what i was thinking today, ergo. i just want to be able to say what i need to say to my friends and family without fear, because anything might happen. and maybe it's self-centered, but it also gave me a greater determination to get moving again, because you just don't know.

kapunua, i like having spiders in the house, too. i like all the bug-eaters. i used to have a little space in my kitchen dedicated to them in gratitude. :)

ergoproxy said...

goodnight anon sweet dreams

toujours said...

good night anon, good night kapunua. :)

bc's back in blue!! :D

ergoproxy said...

I have a couple of types of spiders in the house that don't worry me, it's just the big wolf spiders (huntsmen) that I hate (well am really afraid of tbh)
we also kill the venomous snakes if they are near the house, it's just too risky, but non venomous are ok

ergoproxy said...

whoa BC got dressed!!

goodnight K rest well

Anonymous said...

Goodnight anon

toujours said...

that's the thing, ergo...i always try to identify whatever it is. we have to watch out for brown recluse spiders, so it's important to know, but the harmless ones, i don't have a problem sharing space.

i used to be incredibly horribly afraid of spiders, though. i remember i had one in my dorm room, and i stayed at the opposite side of the room, and called my friend to come all the way across campus to take it outside. she called me a baby, but did it. :)

but now i'm not afraid of them anymore. *shrugs*

Anonymous said...

Haha ^_^

ergoproxy said...

gee George Michael got arrested in a public toilet for drug possession in the UK, you'd think with all the cash etc he has, you wouldn't need to be carrying your stuff about, or in a public toilet, but I suppose at least it's not a lewd at like last time :/

toujours said...

poor george michael.

ergoproxy said...

he does seem to find himself in these situations a lot

ergoproxy said...

hello elena!
thank you so much for the parcel ♥

elena said...

Hey Ergo

You are very welcome. I'm a big believer in spreading "Halloween"

Anonymous said...

Hi there elena

ergoproxy said...

those jelly pumpkins are scrummy!

we will have a special halloween here with your decorations
you'll have to tell me what food to make

toujours said...

hello elena. :)

Anonymous said...

Sept 17, 2008 8:09 PM, this is for you.


In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

elena said...

Hey BC

Good to see you.


Oh Ergo Halloween is my holiday. I will send you all kinds of wonderful Halloween recipes.

ergoproxy said...

oh thanks that would be fantastic!
I've never done anything halloweeny before

Anonymous said...

Thanks Elena. You too. I hope you're well :)

elena said...

Oh my oh my....

I am the Halloween Queen. I used to love doing the Halloween parties for my girls. Lots of years I was room mother for all three so I had to run three parties at once. Good times, good times!

elena said...

I'm okay BC

I saw you said it was hot today. Here too but still pretty damn nice. Went for another ride on the Harley. It was great.

Anonymous said...

That's good elena. We're supposed to cool down later this week. Monday, fall starts. Yay.

*happily claps hands*

ergoproxy said...

oh I bet it was elena, I've only been on a bike once and it was a small one on a farm
when I come over can I have a ride?

and we are hot here today to well about 77 F, and Darwin tomorrow is already 91 F

elena said...

Ergo you're gonna be at the airport soon. Just hop a plane for Kansas. I'd love to have you visit.

toujours said...

that's a lovely lyric, 1:21, and very kind of you to post it for that anon.

ergoproxy said...

oh elena If I could!

elena said...

Just do it Ergo. Think of all the fun we could have!

Okay, so maybe you can't right now but how about in the future?

Anonymous said...

i just wanted reassurance

ergoproxy said...

maybe will elena i'd really love to

elena said...

I would really love for it to happen Ergo.

I know we would spend hours just talking and laughing about so many things. Oh and you would get to meet Fred too.

ergoproxy said...

oh yes! i have to catch her a wombat

Anonymous said...

Goodnight guys, I'm off for the night.

Sugarplum: thank you super extra extra much for the tiara. It's so sparkly and shining! I hope you had a great time at the Nightwish show. I can't wait to hear details.

Sweet dreams.

*smothers with sloppy kisses*

Night!

elena said...

Ergo

You still around?

Night BC

ergoproxy said...

yep just helping my mum with her mobile over the phone

it's all sorted now, she can get to her emails on her phone, she was very amazed.


goodnight BC sweet dreams

elena said...

So Ergo talk to me.

I'm here all alone and I want to talk.

ergoproxy said...

no problem, you want to talk here or on chat?
give me a topic

elena said...

Oh here is just fine. I don't know. What shall we talk about?

Know what I am doing? I'm on YouTube watching videos of the first MCR concert I ever saw. The Black Parade in Topeka. Shit I have some wonderful memories from that one.

ergoproxy said...

oh wow I wish I'd seen them earlier or more than once, but the concert I saw was great.

I still haven't packed yet, i think I'm procrastinating
I am better if I just throw stuff in than plan
if it's mostly black it'll all match

elena said...

Oh the Black Parade concert was so perfect. I will always remember it and the memories that my youngest daughter and I made. Only thing that was a bit bad was Eliza coming out before the concert. She was a bit snotty to the fans.

ergoproxy said...

oh was she? what did she do?
I am still annoyed about the killing of TBP in mexico, considering it was all advertised as that here
they even had shirts printed so it was obviously intended,
though the concert was really good, we had no hospital bed or black confetti, I was looking forward to that

elena said...

Eliza came out before the concert while the lights were still up. I remember she had on a hat and this young boy standing beside me on the barrier kept saying "oh she's so beautiful" He really meant it and he kept calling out to her. She heard him and gave him such a nasty look like he was annoying her. The boy was so hurt. I just wanted to smack her.

elena said...

Oh and you really did miss a wonderful concert by not getting to see the Black Parade. Shit, when it started and Gerard was lying there on that hospital bed it was so well, epic. That was one hell of a concert.

ergoproxy said...

that's a shame I think you should always take compliments good naturedly especially if you are a person in the limelight, or laugh it off, there is no need to be nasty

elena said...

Yeah I know I'm talking too fast but I can't help it. I just watched my favorite video. Holy hell I've watched it a bunch but damn I can't help it. It's before they started the Black Parade and Gerard is singing Mama. It's the one where he uh, gets very friendly with the monitor. Yep, I'm totally fangirly here but hey, I'm only human. LOL

ergoproxy said...

haha if I ever meet him on behalf of Australia and NZ we shall have words

elena said...

And with that I should say goodnight. Ergo have a safe trip. I'll miss you.

ergoproxy said...

oh do you have to?
ok
sweet dreams (and after the video you should have *_~)

I'll miss you too, I'll have email though so I'll keep in touch and maybe see your cell company as to why I don't get your texts if you get mine, maybe they have a code different or something
You take care adn you know I'll be thinking of you.
Do you think ray should come with me?
I was wondering if he'd like a holiday at the Top End

Anonymous said...

Hi St. Elena. ;)
Hello Ergo. have a safe trip. I never get to come on here that much anymore. I miss you all and think about what you are all up to.

Hello to anyone else who is here.

Remind me never to eat a McD's breakfast ever again! I think I am going to be sick. yuk!

elena said...

Mayo

What’s up? Having a good weekend so far? I hope so. Mine has been pretty damn good I must say. Oh shit, I just sounded like Ed Grimley “I must say.”

Okay so I really don’t have much to say tonight. Ever notice when I say that I’ll launch into some long ass rant about something? Well I do and I know it. I’m gonna be honest with you Mayo cause I always am…I’m sitting here alone. Yep, have the whole house to myself and I’ve been drinking a bit. Oh shit, honestly Elena…I’ve been drinking a lot. Shit, it’s been a rough week so I don’t feel guilty one little bit about it. I deserve to shut my mind off and just relax. I know where my girls are so no worries there. See once I know that they are safe I sorta feel like I’m off the clock. So yeah, I’m off the clock and just kickin’ back. It feels pretty damn nice. You know it’s really stupid how I think I have to be in control all the time. Well to be honest I do have to be in control all the time but not tonight. I’ve got the stereo blasting and I’m feeling just fine. Hey I just noticed I called myself Elena up there. By up there I mean a few lines back but as I’m writing this it’s up there. So anyway about me calling myself Elena you know what? I am Elena. Yep, she is me. Hell, she is more me then my real name. Elena says what’s on her mind. That other name me – not so much. I like Elena. Yeah, I like her a lot. You like her Mayo? Oh holy shit forget I just asked that. That sounded so wrong. Okay how about this? Do you like Mayo? Is he a part of you that you like? I hope so cause I like him. I kinda think he’s a bit like Elena. He can say what he really feels without worrying about what people who know his real name will think.

So this is getting weird. I need to stop talking now that much is obvious. You know what else is obvious? I’m writing this using Word Perfect. Yep, if I wasn’t you probably would wonder what the fuck I was writing. You see Elena can’t spell for shit. It’s true and very sad. Someone who loves to write but can’t spell. Oh well I guess that’s why God created Word Perfect. Lovely thing it is. It just underlines words I misspell so nicely. Hey and then it even tells me how to spell it right. Isn’t that nice? I think so.

Yep, I just noticed I did just rattle. Knew it would happen. But it’s okay. I can’t be serious right now. Well I could but I don’t want to be. I want some time off. Shit, I need some time off. So I’m taking the night off from thought. No deep, thought provoking words from me. No sir, just loud music and another drink. Tomorrow will come soon enough and it will be time to take charge again.

I want to run away and have no responsibilities. I don’t want to have to face the things that are just waiting for me to deal with. Tonight I get to run away. No, I don’t feel bad about it.

Night Mayo

Elena ( yeah, I’m giggling cause it just told me I spelled Elena wrong so I fixed it)

elena said...

Oh I'm still here..well sorta.

Ergo you should take Ray with you. I think he'd like a holiday.

Hey anon. How's it going?

Anonymous said...

That was me before. Sorry, forgot to put the name on it.
Elena, I would like to run away sometimes too? I stop and think to where? Why? I have a good husband, I have bills that suck big hairy ones. Other than that it taint so bad. I have my health, so far, so good. I have my friends. Elena,
you have your family and friends that care about you. That is what matters most.

Mayo, you have friends that care about you too. I am sure you do. Never forget who your real friends are. Oh yeah, don't eat McD's at 3 or 4 in the morning. It will make you sick!

ergoproxy said...

elena I am kicking back with a Carlton Dry and Lime and I think it is the first of a couple, it's a nice mellow night

Hi anon!
thanks for the wishes, call in in a week and see my pics
how are you?

elena Ray may have to come, did you see him ride the shark?
I bet he could take on a a croc too!

miranth said...

Anyone here?

PS - If I leave unexpectedly, its because my internet connection keeps dying. Its very finicky since the storms.



PPS - I have no hope of catching up!

:(

ergoproxy said...

oh BI I thought it might be you!
nicw to see you again

Anonymous said...

Hi Miranth! ep and Elena!
I drank Vo and cranberry and some choco cherry shots..mmm.. they was good!

ergoproxy said...

HI miranth how is everything going?
well quick precis-some things happening sdock fim smoke and kapunua met up
BC deleted her blog
I'm off on holiday for a week tomorrow

miranth said...

BI :)- Good to see you! But I just ate McD's on the way home from the bar, and I have to tell you, I felt so much better. I was so hungry that I was feeling queasy from the lack of food and didn't realize it.

ergo - I hope you enjoy your trip. Where are you off to?

elena said...

Hey BI and Miranth

Hope you both are well.

Elena is feeling no pain!

ergoproxy said...

oh and elena it is so totally utterly fantastically brilliant you got me the Ray doll I absolutely LOVE it!

J and L got their parcel today so yours should be there real soon

Anonymous said...

What? Is BC going to see us anymore. Did she say why she deleted her blog? :(

ergoproxy said...

me !

ergoproxy said...

oh yes!!!!!!

*happy dance*



miranth we are going to Darwin up north, to stay with a friend it's very hot lots of national parks, aboriginal art sites etc really beautiful

Anonymous said...

Again you... you! Woman! haha.
Yay! does happy dances with Ep. Throws confetti and hands out choco cherry shots. :)

Anonymous said...

Sounds nice Ergo. Have a lovely time. I know you will. Take lots of pics.

ergoproxy said...

woo hooo!

BI Bcis still here just no blog

miranth said...

Hi elena :) - That is good to hear! Is it vodka or rum? :D

BI - Someone gave us red-headed sluts (the drink) *laughing* and I realized that they tasted like food - that's when I realized I was hungry :)

ergo - Thank you! And that's cool that they were able to meet up. I hope I can reach BC at the last email address that she gave me - or she leaves us some means to contact her.

elena said...

Ergo never I repeat never call Ray a doll. He is an action figure!

elena said...

Rum, Miranth it is rum.

Anonymous said...

You have my heart
And we'll never be worlds apart
May be in magazines
But you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the dark
You can't see shiny cars
And that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because


When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

These fancy things, will never come in between
You're part of my entity, here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart
Because


When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

You can run into my arms
It's OK don't be alarmed
Come here to me
There's no distance in between our love
So go on and let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more
Because


When the sun shines, we’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be a friend
Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
You can stand under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh eh eh eh)

It's raining
Ooh baby it's raining
Baby come here to me
Come here to me
It's raining
Oh baby it's raining






Oh good, I am glad BC will still be here.
Goodnight to you all. I am falling alseep here.
Ergo have a safe and FUN trip.
Elena, you are a sweetheart.
Keep safe, Be well. Sweet dreams all ♥

miranth said...

YAY ergo! And here I didn't even realize that there was a new page! :)

ergo - Darwin sounds both beautiful and intriguing. I can't wait to see your pictures!

miranth said...

Goodnight BI! And thanks for the umbrella :) the song, I mean.

elena - you can't go wrong with rum - it mixes well with anything. I know ;)

elena said...

Night BI

Sweet dreams


Well I better so find the sofa before I end up on the floor.

Take care guys. Love you all.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello everyone.

I just wanted to tell Ep if I don't speak to you before you go on your trip. I hope you have fun and stay safe.

Goodnight

miranth said...

Goodnight elena and sweet dreams. :)

I will just finish up here and go myself. I have a long day tomorrow and it will start in a few hours.

ergoproxy said...

I will take heaps Miranth

and sorry!!!!!!!!

he is an action figure, *smacks hand* bad ergo calling him a doll...though he is a doll too
in real life that is
so it seems....

Anonymous said...

Try to get some sleep. Please.

ergoproxy said...

thanks BI and sweet dreams!

thank you MJ! goodnight to you to and sweet dreams

goodnight elena sweet dreams

toujours said...

mayo,

when i cried today for my friend, i realized i was also crying for myself, and i don't understand that. how could what i'm going through have anything to do with her grief? it's not even on the same scale. am i that self-centered, and that petty, to grab any chance to feel bad?

i don't know. i don't understand.

i thought about my friend throughout the day, imagining what she must be feeling now. i hate being here but i wouldn't be any good to her even if i was there. i'm not a good friend.

i want too much.

i just want to belong again. but i understand that the failing is in me, some weird wiring i have. i bite my own tail, and even if i could be there to lend my comfort to her, somehow i would fail her. like i failed here.



i'm sorry.

good night, mayo.

elena said...

TJ

To not try is to fail. You have not failed. Goodnight my friend.



Night again Mayo...

Elena has something she'd like to say but she's still smart enough to shut up. So goodnight, goodnight. Besides tomorrow is another day.

miranth said...

If that's directed at me, 4:39, I get plenty of sleep during the week. And even more during the winter.

(Fewer social events in both cases).

miranth said...

Goodnight TJ!

And elena, you do 'sound' tired! Sleep well.

Anonymous said...

Just want you to be well. Goodnight.

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