Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Out of context.

I smile when I am nervous. It is an uncontrollable reflex. The fight-or-flight response or my somatic nervous system responding to what I deem invasive. I try to cover up this tic, but by looking away that smirk rats me out. My reply discredited. I can be sold out in a twitch.

A friend suggested that the reason I am often misunderstood could be found in my aloof manner. The way I seem to pay closer attention to a hangnail or dry cuticles than expeditious lips or explicative eyes. It could be presumed that I am not listening. I explained to my friend that this distraction is the reason I can hear.

The corrective measures we employ to keep the world at bay often betray us. We all have our quirks or sharp edges. Our mechanical walls shield us from intrusion, but we are still left feeling the stick, hopeful that the slip remains undetected. And you are right; there is always more to it than the bright lights and poor judgment...set the dial to allow just enough to filter past to maintain focus. Does this mean we are blind? No, but sometimes we are caught off guard. And I do not presume this of anyone…other than myself, of course.

Ghost, thank you.


p.s. the wrong falsehood has been assumed although either way it was a good start.

2,086 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Right now it's "...Slowdance On The Inside."

When I typed that last comment it was "Hospital." :)

Anonymous said...

I'm listening to Disintegration by The Cure. I bought the cd today. I think I had 2 cassettes of this album back in the day. Anyway, the songs that they have on itunes are unmercifully chopped up. It is one of my favorite albums ever and shouldn't have been messed with.
So I'm excited.

Elena, Bouncing Souls are such a good band.

Anonymous said...

Anon: you know what's better than both nothing, and dreams?

Yourself. How 'bout that?

Mayo, what the hell you talkin' 'bout, son? Are you talking to someone who had stayed away or something?

Aloha kakou! Hope everyone is having a lovely Saturday. I am. :D

resurrected wreck said...

So, hello Star, RW, Elena, and Cupcake :)

Hullo, Mustard! :D

Shame in me said...

Hey i feel like crap today :( Hows everyone else?

resurrected wreck said...

Have fun shopping!

Thank you, Star! :D

And with that, I am heading out. Chat to you all later, have a good one!

elena said...

Hello K and SIM

Anonymous said...

Hello Kapunua and SIM.

capture this void said...

So I have no clue as to what's going on.

Mayo, you okay, bud?

SS, good to see you were here last night.

How's it going, everyone?

Shame in me said...

OOO Mayo's added some words :)

Hi star and elena :)

elena said...

Hey CTV

Go back in the comments and you'll see.

Anonymous said...

...I have finally reached acceptance. It is not as dark or as lonely as I imagined. Just empty.


After thinking about this for the past ten minutes, trying to form some sort of explanation, the best I can come up with is that I'm sorry.

I've only had one other person be able to put into words how I feel about a lot of things. I've saved nearly everything they've ever written. I read or think about their words on a daily basis.

I've found another to save. You expressed that much better than I ever could have. That's all it is is just a cave.



----------
Hey Kapunua and CTV :)

capture this void said...

SIM, love. I heard what happened, and I'm so sorry. I hope you're feeling better now.

I'm here if you need anything, okay?

Hello Elena! I just finished reading over them. Intriguing, to say the least.

I'm thinking on this one.

How's everything with you, love?

Hello Mustard.

Shame in me said...

CTV thankyou. Seems bad things come in 3's.

I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years this morning. I didnt really have much choice.

My hearts broke.

Now im just waiting for the 3rd thing to fuck up.

elena said...

Everything with me is good, CTV. Thanks for asking.

SIM I'm so sorry. Breaking up is always hard. Hate to say it but I'm a big believer in the 3's. Let's hope it doesn't happen.

Anonymous said...

Hey there CTV :)


SIM:
I'm so sorry. I hope there won't be a third one. Let's get you through the first two.

Do you want to talk about it?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

...I have finally reached acceptance. It is not as dark or as lonely as I imagined. Just empty.




I think that you may not have actually reached acceptance if it is empty.

You may have only reached the first step and may have several more to go.

elena said...

Hello Martha. How are you?

Shame in me said...

Matchbox 20 - If You're Gone

i think i've already lost you
i think you're already gone
i think i'm finally scared now
you think i'm weak
i think you're wrong

i think you're already leaving
feels like your hand is on the door
i thought this place was an empire
now i've realised i can't be sure

and i think you're so mean
i think we should try
i think i could need this in my life
and i think i'm scared
i think too much
i know its wrong its a problem i'm dealing

if you're gone
maybe its time to come home
there's an awful lot of breathing room
but i can hardly move
if you're gone
baby you need to come home
there's a little bit of something me
in everything in you

i bet you're hard to get over
i bet the moon just won't shine
i bet my hands i can stay here
i bet you need more than you mind

and i think you're so mean
i think we should try
i think i could need this in my life
and i think i'm just scared
that i know too much
i can't relate and thats a problem i'm feeling

if you're gone
maybe its time to come home
there's an awful lot of breathing room
but i can hardly move
if you're gone
baby you need to come home
there's a little bit of something me
in everything in you

i think you're so mean
i think we should try
i think i could need
this in my life
and i think i'm scared
do i talk too much?
i know its wrong its a problem i'm dealing

if you're gone
then maybe its time to come home
there's an awful lot of breathing room
but i can hardly move
if you're gone
hell baby you need to come home
there's a little bit of something me
in everything in you

something me... everything in...
something me... in you

capture this void said...

SIM, I am so sorry. Believe me, been there. I know what it's like.

You just gotta keep your chin up and trust that things will turn around. I know things have been pretty bad for you right now. We can all relate. We'll all be here by your side to help in any way we can, okay?

Eliza Bennett37 said...

Anon @ 3:46

I don't know who you are but reading your story has had one hell of an impact on me. You have just described a feeling that I have lived with for many years and you have inspired me to actually write a blog this evening about my reality.

I am actually shaking and I hope it is from relief. I have never actually verbalised these feelings before and, even though they may have suspicions, my friends don't even know thid either.

Thanks for the inspiration. I hope it all works out well for you. The best I aspire to is peace of mind.

Cheers.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hey guys


Sim sorry about the shit happening to you.

But the good thing about the shitty three is that something really good happens after it.

Anonymous said...

I think that you may not have actually reached acceptance if it is empty.

I have to disagree.

I think you can finally come to terms with things that you can foresee, in all likelihood, never happening.

I think you finally accept that. But you always realize there's a type of void there, but there's not much control you have over it.

elena said...

Hello Eliza

Good to see you

Martha Smith-Jones said...

I find that even if there is a void. There is relief. If there isn't any relief just a void than I still have further to go.

Shame in me said...

Thanks guys. Im ok, it was my choice, but it doesnt make my heart any less broke, if you know what i mean. He takes me for granted and takes drugs all the time and a very special friend of mine told me i could do better back in November and i knew i had to sort it out then, but i was plagued by indecision and what ifs? Like what if it was the wrong thing and i ended up worse off, but i cant go on anymore, its hurting me, so ive finally done what i should have done 3months ago. It took me awhile but i did it. It feels right, but i just feel so hollow and unsure of what the future holds for me now. and im scared what the third thing will be. I'll be ok guys its been a long time coming so i will be ok. I wish i could have a hug though. I dont know. Sorry for whinging.

elena said...

SIM you are not whinning we asked because we care. Doing the right thing is hard sometimes. Damn hard, but it sounds like you made the right decison. Never think twice about telling us what's going on.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Sim you are not whining. you are opening up to your friends who care for you.


Mib Sim comment is what I'm talking about. She knows it is right but she feels the void.

The anon only felt the void or only spoke about the void.

Shame in me said...

MJ what you said is exactly it. You hit the nail on the head. Thanks guys for the love, friendly ears and advice :)

Anonymous said...

SIM, I am very sorry. That's hard no matter what the circumstances are. And you are just having a rough time of it this month, aren't you? I'm sorry.

Sad Anon, please listen to Mustard. She's got some wise words for you.

You shouldn't be left feeling empty. There's you. Gosh, even feelings are fleeting. But the on thing you will have all your life is yourself. Learn to enjoy the company of that person, because there is always going to be a time when s/he will be all you have. Sometimes a loooong stretch of time. I know it's easier said than done, but still, it's a step, right?

And I know this is hard to hear, but there are other people who would probably want to invest their time, attention and affection in you. "The one?" The idea of soulmates is very romantic, and it's a comforting thought, isn't it? "Meant to be" makes it sounds like it's just gonna happen, right? Welp, back when I was an idiot there was another idiot and I thought he was my "the one" and "soulmate" and all of that. He kicked the bucket in the most ridiculous way possible. And here's me today, still alive and happy.

It's possible. So take heart, okay? ^_^

Lucy Lu said...

SIM, you are having an awful time of it lately. You know you can always talk to us and we will gladly listen and give you e-hugs.

We are a family and it hurts us when we see each other hurting.

Shame in me said...

Thanks Kap. I dont really know what to do with myself.
I want pizza and ice cream but i have none and im not walking to the garage to buy any.
How are you Kapunua?

Shame in me said...

Im also taking in what your saying to sad anon. kinda fits for me too.

Anonymous said...

I don't know what I'm saying SIM or Kapunua, but if it works, it works.


It's only something I believe to be true for me.

Maybe it's true for others.

Fimble Star said...

I have crawled blindly on my hands and knees along this path for some time now, I have finally reached acceptance. It is not as dark or as lonely as I imagined. Just empty.
My track record would indicate it is probably better for both of us this way.
Thank you all for your words.


my opinion:

How can you carry on when it is empty? Do you not want to feel the passion, the love, the fulfilment. Does this mean that you are forgetting all your dreams, all your wishes in life and just lying in the bed that you made.

You can change your life even now, you can do something that makes you happy. Never accept something that you are not happy with. It will hurt in the long run and it will also hurt the one you are with. Look inside of yourself and really think what and who makes you happy. Think about the memories you have and the feelings, the touches, the sounds that are etched into your mind and heart. Maybe you are not listening because you are scared of taking a risk, taking that step into happiness that you may not think you deserve.
Well everyone deserves happiness, in one way, shape or form. Maybe you just need to re-evaluate your situation and your future and make something of it not for yourself but for the poor sucker that is making you feel empty. I am sure they would like to know the truth whether they like it or not!

And with that I think I need to do something with my life. So basically just ignore me because I am crap at my words and I have no clue what happiness is. Because I am clearly a sad fucked up piece of shit that needs to understand what will make me happy. Goodbye friends

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Sim It might be worth it to walk there and get the pizza and ice cream.


It's at times like these that we need comfort food.

So Sim go ahead and comfort away.

Shame in me said...

I cant MJ its dark out and i have no-one to walk with and id have to go on that damn road that i got mugged on so i cant. I literally cant. I could do with a beer aswell LOL

Shame in me said...

Fim where are you going? what you said was lovely. are you ok?

Eliza Bennett37 said...

Anon@3:46

"I have finally reached acceptance. It is not as dark or as lonely as I imagined. Just empty".

Hello there, its me again. I have finally calmed down.

I just want to add that there is nothing wrong with contentment. The most difficult thing is knowing and accepting yourself for who you are.

Only you know your personal circumstances and your temperament. Who knows what will happen in the future but I hope it is happy for you.

Thanks again.

x

Anonymous said...

I'm all right, SIM. I have to call my brothers tonight 'cause their Mom died (different mothers, obviously) and my cousin, because his Mom died this morning. (Boychild's other Grandma.) Other than those sad things, everything is fine. Take care of yourself. :)

Anonymous said...

good morning everyone.

I've been reading back anmd there is so much heartrending revelation ad so much caring advice.

It's the empty feeling that leads people to make very bad rebound choices, but really it's just your psyche dealing with a change and given time to realign itself it will become less an emptiness needing to be filled and more an acceptance of something you lost but you can them move on without the desperation to fill that void from without.
It needs to be filled from within

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Kapu I'm sorry to hear about your brother and cousins mothers

Anonymous said...

kapunau im so sorry to hear that.Its terrible. i wish i had some good words but there are never any in these situations. I send you my love and i will be thinking of you Kapunua ((hugs))

Lucy Lu said...

Jules, that is such sad news. We all love you and our thoughts are with you and your family.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello ep and Sim and kapu and anyone else who is here.

Anonymous said...

goodness kapunua what a terrible thing for a family to have to deal with!
Had they been ill or was it just out of the blue?
I hope they can manage with it, my heart goes out to them

resurrected wreck said...

My aunt died two days ago. Seems it's a bad week for relatives :/

Anonymous said...

RW im sorry for your loss too. My thoughts are with you also (((hugs)))

Fimble Star said...

jules, i am really sorry about you knews. i truly am and i hope that you and all your family are ok. my thoughts are with you. take care jules xxxx

resurrected wreck said...

Thank you, SIM :)

Actually, my aunt and I weren't close, and she's been ill for a very long time, so it did not come as a shock to anyone. My mother has been putting aside money for a plane ticket as she knew my aunt wouldn't be around much longer, and my aunt asked her to speak at her funeral.

gnothi seauton said...

Sorry, I'm going to be rude for a minute.


FIM - what's up? You're not disappearing are you?

Fimble Star said...

rw, i am sorry for your lose to. my thoughts are with you and your family as well. this year is just fucked up.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

RW I hope your mother is holding up.

gnothi seauton said...

Kapunua and RW - so sorry to hear about your recent losses. We are here if you need us.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

well fs it's only the second month so things might get better

resurrected wreck said...

Thank you FS, MJ and GS. My mother's fine, she's been braced for this for nearly 10 years. My aunt had an advanced case of scleroderma and had been sick for a long time.

ergo said...

RW that's awful it seems to be a bad time for a lot of people.
Much love to your family.

hi MJ Kapunua RW Mustard GS Lucy SIM Elena eliza TJ CTV Cupcake Star anon and I've probably missed someone.

ergo said...

RW i have a friend who's neice has scleroderma (it's very fortunately not bad so far) it's dreadful an done of those things that you know how it usually ends.
I hoep your Mum gets comfort from being able to go over there and be with the family

resurrected wreck said...

Thank you, EP, and hi :)

How has your weekend been so far?

gnothi seauton said...

Right, I shall return to my greetings.

Good evening Mayo.
Good evening all.

FIM - are you there?

Fimble Star said...

hey gs, you ok

ergo said...

It's ok RW I had a sleep in this morning :)
That's my treat.
It's a cooler overcast day and our neighbours are away and asked us to check their farm and they have a pool, may head up there soon (they said we could).

If I disappear it's because I have sunday house stuff to do


Fimble are you ok, what you wrote before was lovely

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello gs and rw and FS

resurrected wreck said...

On a lighter note:

My nephew and his mummy wearing matching headbands.

gnothi seauton said...

Fim - I'm fine, are you though?



Hi Ergo, Martha and RW.

ergo said...

RW how are all the shows going?

Fimble Star said...

i am great, always am. cheery cheery me.

so how are you all. sorry not very talkative tonight

gnothi seauton said...

i am great, always am. cheery cheery me.

That's not fine, that's pissed off with the world ^

What's up? Wanna talk?

ergo said...

Awwww RW that's so cute!

and does amyone else think tiny pic has stupid ideas when it says "images you'll also enjoy"?

gnothi seauton said...

RW - so how are you feeling about it all, considering you weren't close?

Fimble Star said...

gs, cheers you are wnderful do you knwo that. i am going to cook me tea so i will be gone for a bit. will you be here when i ge back

Eliza Bennett37 said...

Hello everybody

GS, thank you so much for your lovely considerate comment at my blog.

I'm not sad. Its just that life is life and there are circumstances that you cannot change although you would prefer that things were different.

I was having a lovely Saturday-the 1st one I have been able to spend totally alone this year and then, suddenly, I am confronted with a fellow realist!

Am drinking far too much black coffee so close to bed time.

Oh well....

gnothi seauton said...

Fim - for you I will be :)

Fimble Star said...

catch you in a bit hun
xx

Martha Smith-Jones said...

hello eb37


I want to kill scumcast.

gnothi seauton said...

Eliza - you're welcome :)

And reality, I don't like it, it's, what's the word... oh yeah, too real :)

ergo said...

eliza I find myself too much of a realist too. Stuff just happens sometimes. I'm feeling a bit swept along at the moment, but I just have to wait and see what happens, no real point worrying too much, though I cannot help doing that!

and I cannot drink coffee or cola after about lunch time! I wouldn't get to sleep at all!!

gnothi seauton said...

Ergo and RW? Where have you gone?

gnothi seauton said...

Martha - I take it you are having connection problems again ;)

By the way, Torchwood episode 4, I sobbed and sobbed :(

Ergo - there you are!

Anonymous said...

Hey guys! No, I wasn't really close with my aunt; she was always nice to me but I had only met her a few times. I felt awful for her because she had cancer and she was sick for a very long time.

My brothers' and sister's mother had cancer also. I never met her.

The hardest part was talking to my brother Gary because we haven't spoken in about three years. He's such a strange bird; I never quite know what to say to him. I mean, I'm strange, but he's ever stranger if you get me, very distant. So it was awkward and just weird to be talking to him, although still very good to hear his voice.

My eldest brother James, we're still pretty close so that was not so weird. ^_^

And I've only met my sister once, so.

No, it's not the worst news ever for me personally. The crazy thing is how Boychild acted with his sick Grandma the entire time. Remember he's only just under a year; in fact his first birthday is a few weeks away, and bear in mind that he only met her about a month and a half ago. He would just lie down with her and pet her hair. he never fussed or cried or upset her, he would just lie quietly in her bed and put her hand on his face. This is a weird little boy, I'm telling you. He's an old soul, to be sure. O_O

But guys, thank you for your kind words. :D

Anonymous said...

RW, and I'm also very sorry about your aunt, too.

Eliza Bennett37 said...

Hello MJ and Ergo

Most of the time my philosophy is not to worry too much although this has been tested a wee bit since Nov 07. After all, anything can happen.

I do love my coffee-cannot do tea as I hate milk and black tea is gross!

Ergo, did you catch any fish yesterday? I used to fish when I was a kid. I miss the sea so much.

resurrected wreck said...

Thank you, K :) Condolences to you also.

gnothi seauton said...

Kapunua,

Boychild is definitely one of a kind. Your family are blessed.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Gs so it working fine most of the week no major mess ups.

Than I get my own computer and it says fuck you. We won't let you on the Internet with your own computer.

So I'm on another person's who can pick up this really crappy network tat is floating around.

MissTottenham said...

SIM, I am so sorry to hear about your recent bad luck. I hope things start looking up for you.


K, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. You also have had such a run on bad luck I hope it ends soon.

RW, I am so sorry to hear about your loss too. my thoughts are with you.

DG, I miss you. You were so brave getting through yesterday. Thanks for being such a great friend to me. I hope I am to you too.






To everyone else, Just sorry.

resurrected wreck said...

RW how are all the shows going?

Ooops! I missed this. That's what happenes when you step away for a while :S

The shows are going well. Tosca & House Of The DEad are running right now. We had a day this week where the lead of Tosca was ill and we had to alter two costumes to fit her understudy (who, so we've been told, kicked ass that night). Then the lead for House Of The Dead also came down with something, but he recovered enough to be able to go on after all.

Onegin is the next show to open. We're still doing prep work, as fittings don't start til next week.

resurrected wreck said...

RW, I am so sorry to hear about your loss too. my thoughts are with you.

Thank you, Miss T :) It actually hasn't really affected me too much as I was not close to my aunt. I haven't even seen her since I was a kid.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Fourth episode. I don't even now what episode we are at yet.


But I am watching Doctor who.

It's the episode Gridlock. I almost got eaten by giant crabs in that one.

resurrected wreck said...

Ergo and RW? Where have you gone?

sorry, GS! I flitted off for a bit. I'm back, but only for a short time as i am about to head out to get groceries.

resurrected wreck said...

It's the episode Gridlock. I almost got eaten by giant crabs in that one.

0_0

Anonymous said...

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know

No nothing else matters

Anonymous said...

GS I'm about just have housework to get done, I just washed up and made some bread dough so it's now happily rising.
Eliza I caught 2 small shovel nosed sharks (very cute and harmless) and a couple of little trevally, hubby caught one keeper but he helped an old guy get his boat in and he gave us a reef fish so we had a nice dinner!

It was on a huge long beach, so it was very pretyy place though the fishing wasn't so great.

RW so coolt he shows go well. but theatre is never without it's dramas!

Hi MisT how are you?

MJ oooh I like that episode! Have you seen Blink (I think that's it with the statues)?

gnothi seauton said...

Foggy? What's up?


Hello again Anonymous.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Yes Rw giant crabs. Big fucking stupid crabs.


Damn motorway with it's three people rule.

I get kidnapped because you need a threesome to get in the fast lane. And what happens when you get in the fast lane giant crabs.


Oh and if that isn't bad enough it takes 6 yes s-i-x years to go ten miles.

gnothi seauton said...

Martha - sounds painful!

Anonymous said...

Thank you also, MissT. ^_^ GS, you're too right. This boychild reminds me an awful lot of a certain other Boychild who came into the family just over 18 years ago and continues to be an incredible bright spot in the world.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

The angels have the phonebox.



I love that episode. Yes I believe it is called blink

gnothi seauton said...

Martha - you see, this is what happens when everyone follows blindly and doesn't question anything!

resurrected wreck said...

Good lord, MJ!

Fimble Star said...

miss t you have nothing, nothing at all to be sorry about. come out and talk. please come and speak

gnothi seauton said...

Hello Kapunua - we all need someone like that in our families You get two!


FOGGY! Where are you?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

LOL you guys are making my day.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Eww all waste is recycled into food products. You know it just keeps getting better and better.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Miis t get your ass out here or I will send a giant crab after you.

gnothi seauton said...

Miss T,

I've just tried you on your blog and e-mail.

You know where I am if you need me. Love you to bits.

Anonymous said...

Anon @ February 7, 2008 5:54 PM.

Way to be a fucking loser. Did that give you some thrill? Did you think Mayo would like you now, since he ignored you before?

You are a silly little person. I have made my opinion very clear on these blogs. You were not telling anyone anything they did not know.

Anonymous said...

i just watched this kid sing helena and she cries at the end. it's the cutest thing ever.

http://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=uw84ZC
wzyME

Anonymous said...

missT why are you sorry?

I'm off for a swim back in a bit!

MJ you need one of those implants from a mood stall, then you won't worry about giant crabs anymore

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

My god the day went sour. I am sorry for everyone's pain today. I have no idea what ot say to you guys. Loss is not something that be soothed with words but time, I believe. I hope you find that SIM and Kapunua. ANd anyone else hurting today for that matter.

I should be off but I just wanted to say I am think of you all here.

And Anon -

Anonymous said...
Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know

No nothing else matters

February 9, 2008 7:08 PM

-You are a fan? Me too. -l

resurrected wreck said...

Hear hear, MM.

resurrected wreck said...

I'm off to do some urban foraging. Take care, guys, chat later! :)

gnothi seauton said...

Ergo, sorry, didn't mean to ignore you.


I was cutting back my rosemary today and thought it's about time I made some rosemary and sundried tomato bread.
Great minds think alike.

Fimble Star said...

bye rw,

hello marth, gs, ergo and PPU.

how are you all

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Macra the giant crabs are called macra.


Ep I'll go get myself some happy happy. Or in the case of this blog jappy jappy

I'll be back in a bit .

sdock10 said...

What's going on?

How is everyone doing?

Fimble Star said...

sd10 i missed you, and just in time to see your ppu. are you happy.

how are you

Anonymous said...

Uncondensed? Mayo, are you talking about Elena's comment that she deleted because she thought it was too long?

Back in, like, September or something, some anonymous came on and said that as much as s/he liked to read our heartfelt comments, his/her tired eyes just couldn't get through them all, and could we please just shorten them? I assumed at the time it was you. Lately I've rethought. So I guess you don't mind the hugely long comments?

Thanks, then, for letting us all vent our, well, stuff. ^_^

anima said...

Mayo, your red comment scared me...but I see now what it was all about. It's nice to be reassured that you are still hanging around with us and reading.

Hey everyone, sorry I bailed last night. I stepped away and well, I just got this overwhelming feeling of saddness, totally depressed. I had to get out of the house. It happens. I'm sorry I left when I said I was coming back.

I'm in the middle of attempting to make some appetizers for a thing tomorrow. I need to finish up and then I will be back. At least I hope!

Love you guys.

sdock10 said...

Fimble,

I've missed you all today too. All we talked about was our friends here.

PPU,

Are you here?

*rubs eyes*

Nah, surely not.

Anonymous said...

Mayo,

When you write in red it makes me stop and go...O_O

You okay?

Alright, Mischief Managed....

Don't worry about that Anon. We all know how you feel and you have a right to feel the way you do.
Say, what are you doing here on a Saturday????? O_o

Fimble Star said...

anima, are you ok hun. i hope so. are you gonna make me owt? please very hungry hahaha.

sd10, i bet you got up to some naughtiness. i saw him before. maybe if you call him he may come out? who knows

elena said...

Kapunua I'm sure it wasn't just the length. He understood I felt that my words though honest and heartfelt weren’t important.

gnothi seauton said...

Bye RW, have fun :)

Hello again Fim. What did you have for tea?

sdock10 said...

Mischief Mananged,

I stuck up for you the other day when that comment was posted. It pissed me off that someone felt the need to do that.


Fimble,

We laughed so much today. It was so funny. And everything we picked up reminded us of someone.

Elena,

I ain't talked to you in forever. How are you today?

Eliza Bennett37 said...

Hello K

How are you? I see you have lots happening in and around your life these days. I hope you get to have some fun too.

Well, I feel exhausted. It's time to take the medication and head off to bed.

I have spent today totally alone. I have not even spoken to anyone on the phone. This is something I need to do every few weeks. It really is refreshing. Normal service resumes tomorrow though.

Good night everybody.

(Its been a revelation!).

x

elena said...

Hey Sdock

How the fuck are you? I've missed you woman.

Just feel the need for the "F" word when I talk to you.

gnothi seauton said...

Talking of tea; one of my favourite jokes.



A zookeeper starts work at his new job on a Friday to break him into things before a fresh week. For his first duty he is sent to clear out the aviary.

He is happily sweeping away when suddenly he hears a "crunch". To his dismay he looks down to find he has accidentally trodden on & killed a rare finch. Not wanting to get in trouble he panics, scoops up the bird & throws it in the lion enclosure, the hungry lion gobbling it up. He returns to his supervisor, and for his next duty gets send to feed the chimps in the chimp house. He starts to play with the chimps throwing them fruit, letting them swing off his broom. In his exuberance however, he manages to knock a chimp off balance that falls awkwardly from a tree & breaks his neck. "Oh no" he thinks .. "I've killed 2 animals on my first day .. I'm bound to get sacked".

So again, while nobody is looking he picks up the chimp & throws him in the lion's enclosure where the lion gobbles him up. Sheepishly he returns to his supervisor, who unknowingly is pleased with his work. For his final task of the day the supervisor sends him to the beehives. The zoo keeps its own bees to sell honey in the shop. His task is to collect the honeycombs to make the honey. This time all seems to be going fine, until a bee gets inside his mask. Frantically he trys to swat the bee, but topples over onto the hive, smashing it & crushing all the other bees!

To avoid the sack once more, he scoops up the crushed bees & throws them to the lion. Next day, there's a new arrival at the zoo ... a mate for the lion. "What's the food like here ?" asks the new arrival. "Oh, you know" says the lion... "Just the usual Friday stuff... Finch, Chimp & Mushy Bees..."

sdock10 said...

OH MY GAWWWWWWWWWHD!

GS, Elena, and I are all in the corner at the same time....and Mayo is about and in the house.

Wow, this hasn't happened in like forever.

sdock10 said...

Elena,

I have fucking missed you too. I saw your erased comment the other day and it made me sad. But I also know how you felt....like fuck it. I'm fucked up and I know it.

Story of my life.

G'nite EB!

elena said...

Night Eliza

Good one GS

We should have a corner party and invite eveyone. Might get crowded but who cares?

Anonymous said...

Hey Sdock!

Thank you EB. I have some fun times around the corner, for sure. Next month promises to be really cool. ^_^

Elena, and you should know better by now. ;D Of course your words are important. Words are the currency of BlogBelieve.

gnothi seauton said...

Good night Eliza :)

Sdock, how ya doin' babes?

Elena - hello corner chum :)

Smoke said...

Uhhh, hello everyone.

sdock10 said...

I am all up for a party in the Corner of Mayo!!

Yep!

Hey Jules!

I swear I thought about all of you guys all day long. Every damn thing we saw reminded us of someone here.

Crazy. We got the most odd looks and stares.

gnothi seauton said...

Hiya S&V :)

sdock10 said...

Princess,

Fimble is looking for you. She says she is listening to the cars go round and round the track or something.

capture this void said...

RW and Kapunua, I'm so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your families.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Sdock and Princess.

How are my two favorite girls?

Hey, Fimble.

sdock10 said...

PPU,

Is it really you? You don't know how happy this makes me!!! I have a fucking headache, but other than that I am excellent.

How are you?

I would run up and give you a nice kiss if it wouldn't make you feel uncomfortable.

JocelynHolly said...

Mayonaise;

You know those days where you want to bury the deepest hole your arms will allow, and just jump right in there? Hide from the world? Hide from all of your troubles? Just get away from it all? Today is that day for me. I can't recall how many times I just wanted to crawl up in a ball and cry today. It's just one of those days, you know? I don't want to bore any of you with it. It's not important.

I've been thinking a lot lately. A lot about this place, a lot about my life. Just re-evaluating things. I know I have many years ahead of me, but it's just that time where I was to set some things in perspective, and try and figure shit out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm only 15. I have lots of time to do this. But apart of me thinks that right now is the right time. I kind of feel obligated to take this time to find myself. My identity.

You know... I've felt so disconnected from everyone on these blogs lately. I'm sure that explains why I try not to stay for too long, or I don't talk too much. I try and make excuses to leave sometimes. I just feel lost. As I told Martha Jones a few days back, we all have so much in common, that it scares me half to death. Yet, it gives me a sense of peace. Peace is something that I just need in my life right now. Whenever something good finally starts happening in my life, something just turns it to shit. That's life, I know, but I don't like it one fucking bit.

Anyways, enough babble for now.
- Miss. Can't-figure-out-what-name-
to-sign-out-with
<3

Smoke said...

Hey GS!

PPU!!!!

You know you're effin' with my universe by showing up on a Saturday right??? What the hell?

Just playing with you.

Fimble! Go catch Tony for me!!! ^_^

Anonymous said...

Kiss away!

Did you have fun at the mall?

Sorry to hear about your headache. I would give you one of my Vicodins, if I could.

Smoke said...

Hey PH!

Oh my goodness, Tony is already fighting this year!

HELL YEAH!

Fimble Star said...

hey guys, sorry i went walk about.

hey ppu

gs, i had noodles for my tea

princess i would try and catch tony but i think he is far to fast for the fimblemiester

Smoke said...

Why the hell would a unicorn need a Vicodin???

Gimme one. @_@

sdock10 said...

PH,

Honey, you don't even realize how much ahead of the game you are. You are wise beyond your 15 years but you have a pure, innocent heart. You come here and babble away to us. And we'll listen.

*hugs* to you!



PPU,

*kiss*

Not just any kiss....I nice long one. Not a nasty gross one. Just one full of love and passion.

Vicodin? Are you in pain? Do I need to come check on you?

Because I will fucking come ya know. I will.

I don't know that I have take V's before.

gnothi seauton said...

Oh Paperheart :( * hugs *

Life sucks sometimes doesn't it.


When I left I was so severely pissed off with it all. After a while I nipped in, just to check on people. Then I realised how much I missed it all.
But you should never feel obliged to be here.

Take time for yourself, rest, relax, be with those you love. Find whatever it is you are looking for :)

sdock10 said...

Fimble,

How do you have noodles in tea? I am confused. Please explain.

Princess and I have decided when we get done taking you to Tampa we are going to take you back to Georgia with us.

Anonymous said...

They will take the bite out of your headache fast, sweet Solly.

JocelynHolly said...

Hey FS, Smoke, PPU, GS, and Sdock.

Sdock, maybe that's the problem. Too much responsibility laid on my shoulders and too many people dependent on me being strong.

GS, thanks sweetie. It's not like I am tied on a chain here. I can walk away anytime. It's just hard. I've become attached to everyone. It's just hard..

Every time I take time out to find myself, I come back more crazy, more confused, and more angry at the world.

Anonymous said...

Paperheart:

Just letting you know that you are not the only one. I have several years on you and I'm still working it out.

I know exactly where you're coming from.

Don't feel disconnected. We know exactly where you are--pouring your heart into school and that guitar ;). We're never going to forget that you're always here, so don't worry about that, okay?

Stay strong.

-------------

RW, Kapunua:
I'm coming by your houses if I don't talk to you.

-------------

Hello Smoke, Sdock, PPU, Fimble, CTV, GS, anyone I may have missed :)

For everyone:

Just keep talking about it. Let it go and we'll work it out together.

JocelynHolly said...

Ooops. Depending not dependent.

JocelynHolly said...

Mustard, thanks. :)

I know that you all know where I am coming from, but I can't help but still feel alone in this. I can't help feeling disconnected. It's like, I come back and I feel like a freaking fly on the wall.

sdock10 said...

PPU,

Well...I need to get me some.

But you didn't answer my question.

Are you okay? In pain? Do I need to take care of you?



ph,

I understand completely what you mean. You want to let it all out and cry on my shoulder. Or would you like to lay your head over in my lap? I wish I had some words for you, but I know you look at me and say, "gosh, am I going to grow up and be like her?" No, You're not. You're going to be so much more than you even realize.

Fimble Star said...

ph, i love you wifey.

sd10, in england we call our night time meal, tea.

breakfast = breakfast
lunch = dinner
dinne = tea.

i hope that sorts it out hahaha i had noodle for my tea/dinner

and i would love to come to georgia. paint the town red

gnothi seauton said...

Mustard, hi :)

And I never talk about it, even on here, although you all know more than most people :\

PH - I know, it's hard isn't it.

Belated hello to CTV.

elena said...

Paper I have to tell you something. When I first started really talking here I had no idea how young you are. I mean this totally as a complement. I'm surrounded by teenagers and I would never have guess you were one. You have such wisdom for someone so young. But maybe too much wisdom. You have figured out things it takes most people years to get. I don't know how to say this but maybe you should just try to do what makes you happy and not be so responsible. I can't believe I'm saying this because it's totally the opposite of what I tell my kids. But in your case you are so well grounded yet I don't want any of this time of your life to get by you. Have fun, try not to take everything so seriously. Believe me there will be plenty of time for that later in life. You are a beautiful girl, Paper. Enjoy your life.

JocelynHolly said...

Sdock, if I could just lay my head on your lap and cry my heart out, that'd be perfect.

Fimble, love you too.

Anonymous said...

PH:

I know it feels like that. It always feels like you're the only one going through whatever it is you're going through. And I can tell and then tell you some more that's really not how it is, but our brain's aren't wired to think that way.

I tell myself I'm the only one going through what I'm going through, but in the back of my mind, I know I'm wrong.

But, with all of that said, do know that we will be here to listen to you and try to help in any way we can.

Smoke said...

PH,

Mustard is right. I've been there, too. I have days that I feel like screaming and just running away. And I'm twice your age! O_O

You are still my favorite teenager. You are our angel. ^_^

You just come talk to us when you feel like you can't talk to anyone else, okay?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

PH you give me hope for the next generation.

Like Elena said you have a lot of wisdom far beyond your age.

resurrected wreck said...

Back from grocery shopping in a mini dress & thigh-high socks 0_0

How's everyone this evening?

gnothi seauton said...

Fimble said


sd10, in england we call our night time meal, tea.

breakfast = breakfast
lunch = dinner
dinne = tea.





Or:
lunch = lunch
dinner = tea/ dinner/ supper


Depends where in the country you come from.
I'm a Southener so I say lunch/ dinner but because I used to live in the North I now call dinner tea. It's a regional thing!!

JocelynHolly said...

Elena, thank you. Honestly, what you said makes total and perfect sense. I just feel like total shit today. I am annoyed and pissed at the world.

resurrected wreck said...

Every time I take time out to find myself, I come back more crazy, more confused, and more angry at the world.

Sounds familiar. I was a teenager once too. Hell, I get moments like that now!

Original Punk J said...

Paperheart, Bubbles, honey, I agree with Elena completely. You are an old soul, and that sometimes carries a lot more responsibility than you may feel up to. There will never be a time when you are 15, 16, 17 and you SHOULD enjoy it.

Not to the point where we are pooling together bail money, but you know...

And don't worry about coming in and feeling left out or out of the loop, or like you have nothing to contribute.

That's the beauty of this Family. You can be gone for a week or two or how long, and we will miss you, and you better check in with us once in a while or we will be sending out a search party, ^_~, but you can pick right back up the second you come in and never have to worry about it.

You are Family, Bubbles. Nothing is going to change that. We love you, support you, and are here when you need us. It may be different people at different times, but we are here.

Don't forget that, sweetie.

Love,
L.

resurrected wreck said...

I am annoyed and pissed at the world.

I've had weeks like that. You are not alone!

JocelynHolly said...

I am glad to have brought faith in the generations to come.

Anonymous said...

Hello, PH.

Listen to these women, they have nothing but love in their hearts (except maybe that Princess) and will lift your spirits. They truly care about you.

Original Punk J said...

And Bubbles,

J. says -

RAWR!!

L.

elena said...

Paper

Annoyed and pissed off are totally necessary sometimes. It's good to accept that you are and go with it. Let your emotions out, it's never good to keep things bottled up inside. Hey, we are here for you.

Fimble Star said...

oh gs, you would have to correct me blah blah blah hahahaha. well it is good ole tea to me. and the best tea would be a chippy tea from the local chippy.


007,
i am sorry you are feling like you do at the moment. i have felt and i actually feel that way now but i know that the people here care for eac other and you my little wifey are as much apart of this as any of us or even mayo for that matter. like the others said you are older than your years. i wish i was like you even now.
i am sorry i cant give you advice or any words tonight, it is not good for me but just know that i am here and so is everyone else for you. and for everyone else.

♥ you wifey

JocelynHolly said...

RW, Thanks. :)

Opal, thanks to you too. It's actually overwhelming to think that you all care so much.

I still just want to punch someone in the face. That may help.

There will never be a time when you are 15, 16, 17 and you SHOULD enjoy it.

Not to the point where we are pooling together bail money, but you know...


That's what I shall remember Friday night. ;)

Original Punk J said...

RW!

You mean you went to the grocery store and didn't tell me? I could have yelled:

RW, FELLOW MONKEY!

And we could have seen what happened. Especially with the outfit. :)

L.

sdock10 said...

ph,

Cry away baby if you feel like it.


PPU,

I suppose you're not going to answer me. I left you a note yesterday. Did you see it? I was missing you terribly and I had to shout it out.

I hope you are okay. Even though my heart tells me you might not be. I'm here for you. I hope you at least know that.

resurrected wreck said...

Oh damn, L! What a missed opportinuty!

Original Punk J said...

Bubbles, I think I'm still infected so if you would like I can always cough and sneeze snot on whoever is giving you trouble...

Love,
L.

resurrected wreck said...

*I, of course, meant "opportunity"

JocelynHolly said...

PPU, I can't help but smile at that. I'm pretty sure the Princess can be filled with buckets and buckets of love.

Elena, you know, I always bottle up emotions. That's maybe the problem?

J - RAWWWWWWR. :)

FS, you've said and done enough to help since the beginning. Everyone has.

As Mustard said, I know I'm not alone, but it's easier to think that I am sometimes, than to accept that I'm not.

JocelynHolly said...

Bubbles, I think I'm still infected so if you would like I can always cough and sneeze snot on whoever is giving you trouble...

Love,
L.


No one is really giving me trouble. It's hard to say what's making me feel this way. I don't feel comfortable talking about it though.. not yet at least.

ergoproxy said...

hello again to everyone from before and hello to PH sdock S&V and PPU

PH sometimes you can over-think things, keep thinking about what could be or should be and you get so caught up you can't see what is. I do that all the time.
But you are a very wise young girl and obviously very intelligent and thoughtful and empathetic, but like Elena said you must just step out of it sometimes and enjoy yourself, stuff has a way of working out and caring for your own well being is far more important than always feeling responsible for others.
You'll burn yourself out.
Find something you just enjoy doing because you do, not for anyone else and start to reclaim you own life

sdock10 said...

PH,

You can always use my favorite word....FUCK!

Fuck it!, Fuck it!, Fuck it!

Just do it quietly. At your age, it's probably not the best language to use.

gnothi seauton said...

Fim - not correcting, just introducing these lovely people to the complexities of the English language. And it's tea to me too :)

And I had FISH AND CHIPS ! :P

But homemade I'm afraid.

gnothi seauton said...

Hello again RW. When do you get your new shiny bauble?

JocelynHolly said...

Ergo, I'm trying to find that one thing I enjoy to help. I really am. It may be my guitar.

Sdock, I say that word all the time. Except at work. I tell everyone they can't swear or they will damage my "virgin ears".

Original Punk J said...

Considering the last comment I left Paperheart, maybe it was for the best, RW. ^_~

And excuse my manners, Sisters. Hello to everyone here, and condolences to you, RW and to Kapunua.

SIM, I'm sorry to hear of your break-up, but it sounded like it was a long time coming. It took great strength to end something after such a long time, even if you knew it needed to be done.

A lot of people decide that after so long they have too much invested in a relationship, even if they aren't sure it's the right one or if they want to be in it. But the old line of "Better the Devil you know" keeps a lot of people in bad relationships.

Love,
L.

Anonymous said...

but it's easier to think that I am sometimes, than to accept that I'm not.


And can someone tell me why this is?

Is it our unrelenting need to be unique?

Why do we not want to accept that we're not the only ones?

resurrected wreck said...

Hello again RW. When do you get your new shiny bauble?
do you mean the butterfly clip? I won it on eBay two nights ago. I hope to have it within a couple of weeks. I think it will look spiffy in my burgundy hair :) Now... hopefully it will stay sut! Having fine hair, I have trouble with hair clips sliding out.

Original Punk J said...

Understandable, PH, just let us know when you want to talk.

Just know the snot may not be avaliable at a later time.

Love,
L.

ergoproxy said...

GS and Fim

here we have breakfast, lunch and dinner or tea

but some people call lunch dinner and morning /afternoon tea are called smoko

Anonymous said...

It depends on what you mean by "pain", Solly.

I saw your note and it made me happy, you usually restrict your love for me only to the Porch. So, for you to announce it in the Corner, made me feel special.

anima said...

Hey you guys, I'm here, but catching up. Not that it really matters ;) but thought I'd let ya know. I feel like I've missed a lot and well, before I get back 'in' ... I will be spending some time reading the comments. This may take awhile.

See ya in a bit.

P.S. Fimble, I'm okay. Thank you. Just had a one of those evenings. No reason...it just happens. Meds don't always work their 'magic.' But thank you. :)

JocelynHolly said...

Thanks you all, for the amazing advice, the kind words, and the smiles you've given me today.

Opal, it's hard to talk about it. But thanks for being so understanding.

ergoproxy said...

RW I have the same problem, I am constantly replacing clips or combs as they just slide out - how I envy thicker hair!

PH just do little things like "I want to go for a walk" or "I want to sit and read" and make sure you say "no" to people sometimes, not if it's really important but just if it's going to take your time.

Start small and it'll get easier.

But then I'm really pissed at hubby right now so I can't really give great advice

sdock10 said...

Princess is watching NASCAR I assume.

Hi all that I have missed speaking to.

PH,

It's a great word. FUCK! I wonder how many times I have said it today. Most certainly...hundreds.



Mustard,

That's a great question. Deep thoughts tonight. Niiiiiice. I will be back to ponder after my shower. My head is pounding like a motherfucker. WTF? Is it the pollen in the air?



PPU,

You could always stop by my house if you want. I would love to have you visit. I left it decorated purple for you.

ergoproxy said...

hi anima!

Original Punk J said...

Ok, guys, slightly different subject. Due to illness, I will not be able to make the weekly grocery run for the castle. The list is on the fridge, and the account is set up under Mr. Mayonaise, so...who wants to do the grocery run this weekend?

I want lots of Butter Pecan Soy Dream Ice Cream and pretzels.

All I ask.

L.

JocelynHolly said...

=] Ergo, you have great advice, even when you are pissed at your hubby.

Hey Anima. =]

JocelynHolly said...

Opal, add this to the list.

Ice cream
Coffee
Salad
Chicken
Tampons
Chocolate Milk
Strawberry Yogurt

=]

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