Thursday, January 24, 2008

Do not surrender your ears.

The click of the door brought comfort to my well worn ears and my heart sick chest. My throat, raw from futile attempts at making myself heard, was bleeding. Alone in the center of the room I am suddenly cold and tired. The heat having been drained from the room at your departure and every ounce of energy I had was expended to keep myself from begging you to stay. You had to go.

Then, relief washes over me in its sickening way. I am suddenly aware of the emptiness of my stomach and my sudden urge to vomit. To dry heave the words I did not say. “I am sorry, don’t go.” Instead, I sit. Right there, I sit right in the middle of the room that heard my pleas for you to leave, my pleading for you to stop believing and start listening to the truth. “Why don’t you hear me?...I have done such terrible things.”

Sitting there, alone with my shame, I realized I had let this drag out far too long.



p.s. make sure it is so loud that they have no choice but to listen.

1,654 comments:

1 – 200 of 1654   Newer›   Newest»
Martha Smith-Jones said...

No way i can't be first.

Smoke said...

Hey sweetness!

I love the p.s.

I spend alot of time yelling and screaming to only find that he still hasn't heard me. Why?
What am I doing wrong?

Are you okay today?

Smoke said...

It's kind of quiet isn't it?

Quiet scares me sometimes.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

If the person only brought pain than it is good that you didn't ask them to stay.

dei gratia said...

Hi Mayo,

How are you sweetie?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello mayo and S&V20. How are you guys?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Dg how are you?

Smoke said...

Hey MJ and DG.

Mayo,

Can you talk to us?

farawaysoclose said...

oh god i'm here!! just dragged kids from bath!
hello mayo i've never been here like this before and in my haste i haven't even read you so i'll go do that right now.

Anonymous said...

Hello people!

Finally some distraction for someone with a bad stomach-ache.

anima said...

Mayo, sweetie I was just on my way out and decided to refresh the page

Are you okay now? - this sounds like it was very painful.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello FASC and Siobhan how are you?

Siobhan it is good to see you back.

farawaysoclose said...

oh god now thats just so sad.
is this the 2nd installment from a previous post??

are you ok mayo?

i know everyone always asks you that you must be sick of it.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Mayo...
Even though I don't know the specifics that you're talking about, still, my heart goes out to you...

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello mya how are you?

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much, Martha!

How are you?

I think I ate something bad today.
Or I ate too much.
Or I ate too fast.
Nothing new for Greedy Siobhan.

farawaysoclose said...

hi martha, S&V,DG,siobhan, anima!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello anima how are you?

Anonymous said...

Hi, Martha, how are you?

Anonymous said...

Well, Hello Mayonaise!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

I'm well Siobhan. Maybe you just ate to fast.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Mya I'm well.

farawaysoclose said...

sorry missed you mya. hi.

i've read it 2 more times and its very sad. is this recent mayo or did it happen a while ago??

why didn't you say "i'm sorry, don't go."??

you don't have to answer that i'm just thinking aloud.

Anonymous said...

Hello to all you guys!
I'm sick with a suck-ass cold...

elena said...

Mayo are you okay?

Really and truly okay?

Anonymous said...

Hello Mya!
Hello Fasc!
Hello Anima!
Hello Princess!

Smoke said...

Mayo,

Listen, I don't know if anything I have to say even helps you the least little bit but either way I'm gonna give it a shot.

I don't know what terrible things you've done or who this is in reference to but I just want to know, is it too late to fix it?

Life is too damn short to wonder what could have been. You may not always get a second chance to rectify the situation.

Hugs and kisses, Mayo.

I'm sorry.

XOXO,
S&V20

dei gratia said...

Wow, this is sad.

You do deserve them to stay, but you need to believe it yourself first.
Who are you shouting at? Are the words for them or yourself....perhaps they ARE hearing the truth.

Take Care, sweetie!

Smoke said...

Hello errbody!

Mayo,

By the way, Sdock said to tell you hello. ^_^

dei gratia said...

Hi guys....everyone okay?

Carrie said...

Mayo, you capture the feeling of such a moment perfectly.

Anonymous said...

Mayo, this post is sad. It worries me. Anything we can do to help?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

FASC i have to read all the post more than one. I'm never sure what to make of them.

But I think he did say those words because he was tired of trying. You can only go around in circles for so long.

Anonymous said...

Hello pretties!

I have been away for far too long again and yes, another hit and run post. I have to be off to work in five minutes.

First off, hi! Sorry, feeling all gushy being around all of you again.
I've missed you.

And of course, a post to our dear Mayo.

farawaysoclose said...

i'm good DG.
my kids need to go to bed but i'm not moving from here until mayo says something.

elena said...

Mayo doing what's best for another out of love is one of the hardest things to do. Especially when it's not what we want but what we know is right.

Anonymous said...

Hello Elena!

Mya, get well soon!

Yes, I might have eaten too fast, Martha.

Greedy, greedy, greedy ;-)

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Elena and Carrie how are you guys?

Anonymous said...

my kids need to go to bed but i'm not moving from here until mayo says something.

Don't hold your breath, Fasc!

You make me laugh, hehe.

toujours said...

mayo,

no matter what terrible things you have done, there is always someone who is right to believe in you. allow them to.

the image of you in that room is heart-breaking.

anima said...

Hi Martha, Princess, Mya, Siobhan, DG, and FASC. Good to see all of you.

I need to go now. Hope to be back later on.

Mayo, "Sitting there, alone with my shame, I realized I had let this drag out far too long"...I'm sorry you went through all of this, hopefully next time you remember this feeling and you will address is much sooner. All of us can be shitheads in the moment, so don't beat yourself over it too much (not sure if that is what you mean, but that is how I'm understanding this). Live, love, learn, and forgive. I wish you all the best.

elena said...

Hey Martha and Siobhan.

farawaysoclose said...

hi GV, carrie, elena,
martha to my ears it sounds like a part 2 to the one where he was in the wardrobe thinking the person had already gone but hadn't. but thats just how i felt when i first read it.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello and goodbye GV. I hope to see you soon.

Siobhan was it good because than it is worth the hurt.

Carrie said...

Hey MJ I'm fine, how are you? Did you recover from being scared by Bikey's pizza last night?

Carrie said...

FASC, I totally agree with that assessment, that's what I was thinking too.

Anonymous said...

Hello DG!

How are you?

anima said...

Shit, I'm way behind. Sorry, I missed a ton of you.

Be back later.

toujours said...

why? why did they have to go? don't you deserve to have someone at your side?

i don't know the particulars, but my gods mayo, why did you make them go?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Later anima.

FASC I got that feeling as well.

farawaysoclose said...

mr bloke has taken the 2 yr old to bed! he gave me daggers as he exited the room. thats mr bloke not the 2 yr old. luckily the 2 yr old loves me unconditionally!

Anonymous said...

Of course it was good, Martha ;-)

It always is. That's why I'm so greedy.

I could eat and eat and eat and suddenly realize that the plate is missing.

Anonymous said...

“Why don’t you hear me?...I have done such terrible things.”

All I hear is "Mama"

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Tj how are you.

Carrie I think it's still waiting for me. I may have to get some anchovies from Tj.

Smoke said...

Ok, I'm not good at this kind of thing. Did you do it out of love for that person, like it was what was best for them or was it just the easiest thing to do at the time?

Are you scared to admit the truth to this person?

Ok, I'm talking out of my head right now. Sorry if I'm way off base.

toujours said...

hi martha.

i'm hoping mayo's here, hoping he'll say something.

Carrie said...

fasc, I don't so much get the dagger eyes, more along the lines of exasperated sighs and talking that sounds like Eeyore.

Anonymous said...

Dear Mayo,

I'm not sure if anyone has asked this yet, but even so, I think it bears repeating.

Do you ever feel guilt or even a pang of reticence in regards to the fact that we all initially came here chasing dreams.

Chasing the hopes of touching a Star and, in doing so, hoping that we may feel that special Something, that aura that gathers round the entertainers of our age.

There are many of us here with obsessive traits that have run themselves ragged trying to get you to admit who you are or who you are not. People have fallen into desperation, near panic, elation at what they believe to be an epiphany about you only to then wallow in frustration when no answer is forthcoming.

I am not saying you are cruel or kind. You are human. I don't believe you are a sociopath. A megalomaniac, yes.

These past five months, surely it must have occurred to you at least once, to have thought, what am I doing? What right do I have to string these people along?

Independent of the fact that they have created a rich, complex family somewhat separate from you.

Do you ever consider that this is wrong, especially considering the length of time you have kept this going....

I am not saying I am tortured by your faceless identity. But as of late, there has been something about your posts that has my heart aching.

I love to imagine what kind of person you are, what your day job is, your home situation. And oddly, it has been a source of deep sadness. And the pondering of what a unique sort of crime you continue to perpetuate.

What sort, what brand of loneliness would drive a person to do this?

I wish to express more of what I am feeling, but it is beyond words.

dei gratia said...

Is this in the past?
It's easy to keep going over and over things....I do it too.
But, you know, everything that happens good or bad you can take something from, learn from and eventually get to be the person you wanna be.
I'm hoping so anyway!

Don't push someone away because you think you're not the person you should be; let them love the person you are.

elena said...

Mayo you words fill me with sadness yet somehow they make me believe you did what you thougt was the right thing to do. Only you know if that's the truth. Only you know what's in your heart.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Why can't mr bloke let you have fun FASC?

Siobhan if the plate is gone maybe that is why you have a stomach ache.

toujours said...

i just get the feeling that he thinks he doesn't deserve anything good...

i can't imagine what he could have done that would warrant being alone.

farawaysoclose said...

i know martha! its just not fair is it!
i'll survive though.

Anonymous said...

Someone on here did a detailed analysis of zodiac signs a couple of months ago, most notably Gerard's sign, Aries? Does anyone remember who it was?

Carrie said...

gentle vengeance that was so eloquent. Kudos and huzzahs.

dei gratia said...

I'm doing okay, thanks to all those who asked.

Good to see you Siobhan!

Carrie said...

I know K used to do charts professionally, maybe it was her.

Smoke said...

Is it really his fault though, GV?

People make a choice to keep coming here. He never asked for anyone to show up or to continue showing up.

You can't blame him for that in my opinion.

farawaysoclose said...

the dagger eyes will come carrie. we have moved on spectacularly from the exasperated sighs!! and i don't know if he ever has talked like eeyore!! funny.

Anonymous said...

Yes, that may be the case, Martha!

Perhaps I can glue it together again, when it comes out?

Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Nasty Siobhan. Eeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwww.

Anonymous said...

I was thinking the astrology thing was done by one of the "E" named people. I just can't remember which one.

elena said...

Gentle Vengence said
These past five months, surely it must have occurred to you at least once, to have thought, what am I doing? What right do I have to string these people along?

What right do you have to assume this is fact? I do not feel I have been strung along. I feel that I have found a home. Think what you will but don't assume things for others.

Anonymous said...

I'm always sorry when I miss you, Mayo. (Whether or not you are sorry is beside the point but *I* am sorry when I miss you.) I don't blame you for not sticking around after this really personal post but I have to assume that if you posted it you don't mind our comments.

My comments? Whether or not you care, I do. I'm sorry that someone hurt you, or you hurt them, or both. I'm standing in the kitchen of the hospital as it buzzes around me, friends leaving, working (smacking me for typing to you,) and I just feel sad that *YOU* feel sad. I wish you would talk more but I understand that you can't.

Anyway, I know what it feels like, this kind of loss. I expect we all do. So you're not alone.

Gotta go 'cause I'm getting hard looks now, but Mayo, take care of yourself okay?

farawaysoclose said...

i'm with you elena on that one.

and i think it might have been amyranth who did the chart?? but i'm not sure.

Anonymous said...

wow a 3am post. having trouble sleeping mayo?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Maybe he loves this person but just can't be around them.

They take up so much energy that it's hard to remember the good times.


I'm thinking maybe all the bad things that were done where just his way of getting away from the person for a little while. Or maybe testing to see if they cared for him.

farawaysoclose said...

you aren't going to say anything are you mayo.

oh well i hope you are ok i really do. i hope there is someone who can give you a big hug.

JocelynHolly said...

Mayo,

Pain. First word that came to mind. Regret was the next word. Is something wrong Mayo?

"Sitting there, alone with my shame, I realized I had let this drag out far too long."

What have you let go on for too long?

dei gratia said...

The astrology....was it Wendy 616?
Probably wrong, ignore me!

Anonymous said...

3:00 am?

Anonymous said...

Has anyone seen BC lately?

JocelynHolly said...

Siobhan, I've been missing BC too. =[

farawaysoclose said...

hi PH you ok.
also hello to anyone who skipped by me.

it sounds like an end of a relationship. one that had been going wrong for a long time. too long.

Anonymous said...

X-Men is so hysterical.

Anonymous said...

BC is gone, for how long, I don't know. She left because of all the bullshit that gets thrown around here.

farawaysoclose said...

carrie said earlier at DM that BC needed some time away.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

GV I get where you are coming from. And I thank you for saying it. I'm sure a lot of people have had that thought but didn't know how to voice it or were to scared to.

I think it is a good point. I can say what I think is going on and I can give my opinion until the cows come home.

But in the end I still don't really know what is going on with Mayo. Or who he is.

I don't need to know his identity but it would be nice to know something.

Anonymous said...

Mayo I hope you know that I st

Anonymous said...

Hello PH!

Did she say something? Her latest blog entry sounds disturbing.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Ph how ar you?

Hello and goodbye Kapu

soulconnector said...

Hello all!

mayonaise
Why is doing the right thing, so hard?

Sitting in the rain, with only the words you have written...a overwhelming need strikes me;to face the future, whatever it brings and to feel the sun on my face, again.

Playing it loud

Thanks
`sc

JocelynHolly said...

I don't know really what happened with BC Siobhan. I miss her though! =[

God, I feel like total crap today. I just want to crawl up in a ball and sleep for eternity. *sigh*

toujours said...

gods. i'm just sitting here at the library computer, people rushing all around me, made inconsequential by the music in my headphones.

i'm re-reading your words, over and over, and the grief i'm feeling at your pain just won't go away.

mayo.

i've read your words for four months, or five, now? i belong to this place, and as one of your lovelies, in a way i belong to you, too.

i have no regrets about that, regardless who you see when you look inside yourself.

i haven't stopped saying my prayer for you, you know.

Anonymous said...

Well, everyone needs a time-out now and then. *looks in the mirror*

JocelynHolly said...

Hey Martha=] I'm alright, yourself? <3

farawaysoclose said...

hi SC i never see you anymore. you ok?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello SC how are you?

Siobhan that is nasty. And that is why I'm laughing my ass off right now.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

PH i'm well

JocelynHolly said...

SC, hey there sweetie=]
<3

Anonymous said...

3am post if you happened to be in Seoul.

just sayin'

JocelynHolly said...

Thats good Martha=]

JocelynHolly said...

Anon where's Seoul?

elena said...

Ok cause Elena sometimes just can't drive on...

Gentle Vengeance said.

There are many of us here with obsessive traits that have run themselves ragged trying to get you to admit who you are or who you are not. People have fallen into desperation, near panic, elation at what they believe to be an epiphany about you only to then wallow in frustration when no answer is forthcoming.

Wow you just described a lot of emotions that do fill this house. But know what? They are from our "real" lives. We bring our emotions here because it is a place where we can be understood. A place where we can laugh and cry together. I get depressed from time to time but is sure as hell ain't cause I don't know Mayo's real name.

You just don't get it!

Carrie said...

Oh thanks, anon, now I have a bad Killers song pun in my head--I've got Seoul, but I'm not a Seoul-dier.

toujours said...

10:50 am if you happen to be in seattle.

Anonymous said...

also 3am post if you happened to be in Manila.

toujours said...

paperheartxx, that's korea

Pixie said...

hi and a nice afternoon/evening, how´s everyone? *hugs*


mayo thanks for the new post and I can´t say it often enough: thanks that it´s not a poem!


well sometimes you can scream as loud as you want and still they don´t hear you or maybe they just don´t want to hear you? .... :(
so much screaming and still I haven´t found out...

toujours said...

er...i thought manila was an hour earlier?

JocelynHolly said...

OR, 1 pm post if you happen to be in Winnipeg?

JocelynHolly said...

Ohh Thanks Toujours. =]

Anonymous said...

they are in the same time zone.

toujours said...

just checked, anon. manila's an hour earlier.

nyaa! :D

elena said...

toujours said...
10:50 am if you happen to be in seattle.


You made me laugh...and spill my coffee. You gonna come clean up this mess?

toujours said...

*contrite*

sorry elena. be right there.





;)

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Elena I think GV does get it. For some people it is hard for them to relate with out knowing something. Or having some kind of contact with the person.

I don't care who Mayo is or isn't. But sometimes it gets to you. And you can't stop asking yourself why is this going on? What is this person getting out of this?

Smoke said...

I feel the same way, Elena. I knew from the beginning that I would probably never know who Mayo is.

Did that stop me? Does it keep me awake at night? Not that part anyway. The part that keeps me awake at night is wondering how all this came about and how to help someone when you don't know what to do. I'm not even exactly sure what the problem is.

Even so, I have gone from calling him a jackass and a sonofabitch (though I'm not above it ^_~) to actually worrying about this mysterious person.

Me, the selfish, vain, cold-hearted smartass. I can say that cuz I know it's for the most part true.

Go figure.

farawaysoclose said...

7.53pm if you happen to be in the UK!!

i have relented the kids are in bed and i just feel kind of sad.

and mr bloke isn't talking to me!!

JocelynHolly said...

I'm off. Mayonaise, be strong. I don't really know what made you write this post. Fuck, I don't even know what it means. All I know is, don't regret anything. Everything happens for a reason

- 007
<3

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Pixie how are you?

Carrie said...

I agree with you MJ. I don't think GC meant it as a personal attack on any bloggers or anything, she was just expressing a point.

dei gratia said...

Mayo,

I've read it a few more times.
Did you just grow apart?
Sometimes people do; they still love each other, in a way, but just aren't right anymore. But they cling on; maybe to the familiarity, or the feelings they do still have. Or they are scared to go it alone and be single again.
Inevitably it will only eat away at both of them, till someone does finally scream out. But still when it comes to it the temptation is to say 'don't go'.
It's heartbreaking and hard to let go, isn't it. but deep down you know you have to.

Only sometimes, alone in bed at night, I wonder....did I do do the right thing? What if I'd just hung on...tried a little harder.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda!

Much Love!

Carrie said...

sorry fasc, I bet he will get over it, maybe if you bat your eyelashes at him a few times!

farawaysoclose said...

i actually like not knowing who mayo is.

i like coming here and chatting to all you guys.

i like to hope we offer mayo something? i do care how he is. he worries me.
but not knowing who he is doesn't worry me.

elena said...

Martha I don't agree. I can only speak for myself but I have never questioned what I get out of this and in my mind I don't question what Mayo gets out of it.

For me this is simple and total release. I can speak the thoughts I would never release outside this blog. As for Mayo I can't begin to speak for him but I really do think I understand.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Goodbye Ph.

Thank you Carrie. it's just hard sometime to keep up the faith. Regardless of who mayo is are isn't.

You try to understand him and what is going on. But there are huge bits missing and for some of us it makes it hard to relate.

soulconnector said...

Hello martha and FASC,007 and everyone else.Thank you,for the nice greeting.

Yes, I am doing well. Some people, outside of the blog world have high expectations of me, so I cannot be here, as much as I like.

Plus, I have trouble keeping up with conversations. I am still thinking about a past subject and you all are already on a new one.
(laughs)
`sc

Pixie said...

hi martha, I´m fine just tired, how about you? :)

farawaysoclose said...

thanks carrie it'll be fine.
eyelash batting here i come!!

i'm off for a shower guys, will catch you later.

and mayo if you are lurking which you probably aren't. or if you read this later i hope you are ok. take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

I'm going to look for a nice old black & white movie to watch. I like that when I'm sick. Curl up in the bed and watch a nice old movie, nod off here and there...

Bye, folks!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Well just bring that subject right back up.

dei gratia said...

Haha!
And sometimes I lay in bed at night and wonder did i do do.....
What an idiot!

Always a worry!!!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Bye Mya and get better soon.

Pixie I'm well. I think all the sleep I have been getting as of late is making me feel better.

Pixie said...

martha and I can´t wait to go to bed later, already 10pm in finland ;)

Anonymous said...

Hello Pixie!!!

How are you, my dear?

Jade said...

Hi Mayo.

God, another post that I missed. I'm not use to you posting this early.

Anyways, what you wrote made me sad. For the first actual time I think I just realised that you are a real person. Seeing you write every so often, and not knowing a thing about you sometimes makes me forgetful that you actually exist, and that you aren't just blog belief. I'm terribly sorry that someone/something is leaving you, and I only hope that you feel better soon.

And your right, scream at the top your lungs if you have to.

Love,
- Jade
xx

Pixie said...

awww thanks for the flower siobhan, I´m ok, how about you? anything new from good old germany???? *hugs*

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Jade how are you?

Anonymous said...

putputputputputputputputputputputput!

Jade said...

Hey everyone!

I'm doing okay thanks, MJ. A bit bummed out by this post though.

You?

dei gratia said...

Hi Jade,
Good to see you. How are you, sweetie?

Anonymous said...

Well, winter avoids Germany this year. Seems as if it is on holidays.

What about Finland?

Pixie said...

siobhan!!!!!!!!!!!! *loooooool* scherzkeks ;)

Anonymous said...

No, it was not Wendy nor K that did the zodiac analysis.

Pixie said...

siobhan,we have snow, it was snowing the whole day, but it´s really wet snow now and we have a lot of storm, walking outside wasn´t that easy ;)

hopefully it won´t be like that next wednesday when I ahve to carry all the stuff ^^

toujours said...

time for me to go, folks. computer's about to kick me off.

i'll be back later, from home.

bye.

Jade said...

Hi DG.
Lovely seeing you too! I'm pretty well thanks, but I am seriously upset by this post. I really dont know why it's killing me so much but I keep reading it over and each time I get them same feeling in my stomach. Ugh. I really dont like it. It makes me sad.

Anyways, how are you doing?

Jade said...

See you toujours!

Pixie said...

bye tj :)

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Later TJ

dei gratia said...

I'm okay Jade thanks!
I know what you mean, sweetie, it's heart-wrenching.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you get cement shoes, Pixie?

They would prevent you from flying away in the storm.

Pixie said...

haha siobhan,really funny ;) good idea, just not really easy to walk, they´re heavy or?

Anonymous said...

Where have all the people gone?

Anonymous said...

Pixiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiie?

Jade said...

I'm here.
Just lurking and browsing ebay!
^_^

Pixie said...

where have all the flowers gone... *sing* no just kidding siobhan, no idea... don´t want to talk? busy? at work?

Anonymous said...

Okay, okay I ate garlic, but...man...it tastes so good!

Pixie said...

hahaha that´s the "yaki" smell in here ^^

Martha Smith-Jones said...

I think I will go take a nap. But before I go.

I was thinking about what GV said. I wonder if Mayo thinks the same thing about us.

We all come here and read his post and than give our $0.02 cents. Like we know what is going on.

I sometime wonder what is going through his head when he reads our comments.

Anonymous said...

Halle Berry looks so odd with that wig.

Pixie said...

ok bye martha, have a nice nap and take care *hugs*

Anonymous said...

*breathes on Pixie*

Dhohh yhhhhhhou like whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhat yhhhhhhhhou smehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhll?

Anonymous said...

Sleep tight, Martha!

Carrie said...

Siobhan, are you reading Perez Hilton too?!?

Anonymous said...

Oh Mayo, have you gone? I am holdinng a teeny tiny paralyzed dog but I am still thinking of you,

What did you do so wrong that you feel you don't feel you deserve a cecond chance? Mayo, I know you're difficult but I don't think you are a bad person and you can't be more difficult than me anyway. :D. You have to know that.

Okay, I am talking at you now instead of with you. Sorry. Mayo, there was something else I wanted to bring up for you to ignore but it is not relevent to this post so I will do so later, when this has worn off some. Worn off for me I mean, obviously not for you.

Hang in there Mayo. I still hear you. I don't care if you don't hear me a lot of the time,

I STILL HEAR YOU.


And I am sorry you are sad.

Pixie said...

no i don´t like it siobhan! bäh ^^

Anonymous said...

Sometimes Carrie. Why?

Carrie said...

Because I just saw a pic on there that looked like Halle Berry had on a wig, I thought we were reading it at the same time.

Anonymous said...

Hahaha!
No, I'm watching X-Men!!

farawaysoclose said...

hi guys! all showered and clean.
still feeling just sad with mayos latest offering. he writes damn well though. you can totally sense the emotion and feel the pain.
bless him hope he is ok.

Anonymous said...

Again, I'm at a loss for words, Mayo.

First of all, you aren't heartless.
You're quite the opposite. To come here and be able to show emotion is being full of heart, full of feeling. It's in there. I told you to keep searching.

To give something up that you don't want to, but know you need to? I can't imagine how many thoughts were tugging you in twenty different directions.

I know exactly that feeling. It's in the moment when that thing or that person isn't there, the very moment you need it most, it's not there. And everything starts flooding back, and old dormant feelings you've had are suddenly thrown back into the light and you're forced to relive them all again, for the second or third time.

In that split second, as that things leaves you, you look into the future and you don't know what's going to happen. Is it good for you? Is it bad? Is tomorrow it? Will this ever be the same?

And you don't have any answers.

You come back to that same spot, and you're still cold, alone, tired, ready to pitch in the towel, fold your cards, and close your eyes.

Mayo, there are bad people in this world. You have to take the bad with the good. You may consider yourself "terrible," but look at the courage you displayed. Some people would give life and limb to have that. I would love to have one ounce of what you showed here.

You realized your mistakes, now the only thing you can do is learn.

And be okay.

Pixie said...

hi faraway how aren you? *hugs*

Pixie said...

and hi mustard, how are you? *hugs*

Anonymous said...

I'm watching CSI right now and this reminds me of CSI Miami. There is a guy in the team who resembles Frank.
Am I the only one, who thinks that?

Pixie said...

I have no idea siobhan...

huh just the 2 of us or?

suspekt ;) na dann: putputputputput

farawaysoclose said...

hi MIB, pixie and siobhan!
hows the tummy ache siobhan??

sorry i don't watch CSI.

Anonymous said...

i can't imagine what he could have done that would warrant being alone.



TJ:

You and I both know that you don't have to do anything.

Sometimes you just are, you know?

And I get the same vibe as you. And what sucks is there's no way we have the power to fix it.

Shame in me said...

Mayo, hope your ok this post didnt sound too good. Ive had a lot of arguments recently so i know how you feel. Love to you

Anonymous said...

Hi Fasc!

It's getting better with every little piece of chocolate I'm shoving into my mouth.

Pixie said...

hi shame, how are you? *hugs*

Anonymous said...

Hey guys :)


I'm In-N-Out, so if I don't acknowledge you, think nothing of it :)


I hope you all are doing well!

Anonymous said...

Hello SIM(roast)!

You're arriving at the right time.

I had an odd stomach ache and I'm feeling so much better right now.
Actually, I'm hungry again!

farawaysoclose said...

hi SIM!
stop eating siobhan!

gotta go guys.
will catch you tomorrow.

love to all.

Anonymous said...

Pfffffft.

ergoproxy said...

good morning everyone!

Mayo this sounds so sad but I get a kind of sense of finality, thet this is what you felt had to be done and you are relieved you finally did it. Though it breks your heart.
I hope it was the right thing for you and that you can move on from it.
Whatever you've done or they've done, I rreally truly hope it is the right decision.
Everyone deserves someone, but the wrong someone is worse than noone.

Keep yourself safe Mayo.

Anonymous said...

This was not a farting sound!

Okay, Mistress Fasc. I will obey!

Anonymous said...

Hi Ergo!

How are you?

Pixie said...

bye faraway take care *hugs*


goooood morning ergo how are you? *hugs*

Anonymous said...

You can come out now, Mayonaise!

It's just us two.

Anonymous said...

Or three.

sister midnite said...

Hi evveybody!

Busy @ work again, but lurking when I can. ^_^

Jonesin' for Martha said:
I don't care who Mayo is or isn't. But sometimes it gets to you. And you can't stop asking yourself why is this going on? What is this person getting out of this?

Mayo is Mayo, and that's good enough for me. But think about it: 40-50 women waiting for you to say a few words? And free soft-pore corn (that's also jappy or even hilariopus) from time to time... THAT's what Mayo gets out of this.

Not to mention at least a hundred sympathetic e-ears, listening & offering support.

Mayo, baby, I'm beginning to believe that you be likin' us almost as much as we* like you.

This latest post makes me kinda sad. It's never easy watching someone walk away. :( Mayo, I hope you're able to come to terms with whatever's happened. When you have some time, read & laugh with us. If we all have one thing in common, it's that we love coming here -- it's better to laugh & joke around with friends than it is to scream alone.

Back to work for this little dogie, I'll pop in when I can! ♥♪♫♪♥








* - most of us






((2:40 PM MST, Deadmonton))

ergoproxy said...

good thanks siobhan I knew mayo would post again while I was asleep!!!

sister midnite said...

And Princess, you're neither as cold or as vain as you pretend to be. The smart-ass thing, I'll give you that. ^_~

Anonymous said...

Or six.

ergoproxy said...

*hug* pixie

goo just about to have my first mouthful of coffee, then I'll be even better!

hey sisM

Pixie said...

siobhan:

putputputputput rrrrright? ;)

Pixie said...

hi sism how are you? *hugs*

ergoproxy said...

goo?

see what I'm like when I haven't had coffee!

Pixie said...

ok so I´ll be off now, I´m so tired...

take care *hugs* xxx

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 1654   Newer› Newest»