I have not yet entered into a static free zone. Buzz, buzz, buzz…my head is ready to fucking split. I asked him if it still mattered at all.
I am waiting for his reply.
I have been half way around my brain with this shit, and it just keeps coming up the same. And I am repeating myself, here in the dark, not quite alone.
In time.
p.s. patience please, my lovelies...I am listening.
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2,146 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1601 – 1800 of 2146 Newer› Newest»It's slowing down in here, Mayo. Care to make a new post to shake things up a bit?
If you don't, we're just going to talk about Bert.
Good point, RW. Anyone with a pair of eyes and, well, yeah.
Elena, my god, that's so awful! Everything will turn out fine with your daughters, but I understand your worry.
Kapunua,
Buried Myself Alive is MY FAVE TOO!
Elena,
I am sorry to hear about your daughter. I'm glad she is okay.
You just sound a little bitter. That's all.
Fimble - She is fine just a bit shaken up. My other two are working. I just want them to get home.
Elena, I'm sure your other daughters will be OK.
Have you phoned them to warn them about the conditions?
i am glad your daughter is ok elena. and your other two will be fine to. i am sure.
so wat we talking about kiddies
Elena - Nothing wrong with being bitter. I've been bitter all day.
Well, more like all week.
-A
It has been brought to my attention Mayo, and rightly so, that it's not polite to goad you into a new post, in your own home no less. Apologies. My scorn for G-Way does have a way of occasionally redirecting over to you.
Post in your own time, and have a good evening!
Thanks for your concern all. Yes I have phoned them about the road conditions. I just hope they paid attention but I'm pretty sure most of the time I talk to them it ends up sounding like blah blah blah.
No it probably is like the adults voices in the old Charlie Brown cartoons.
Elena - I'm an adult and that's how I hear most people's voices.
-A
sdock10 said...
Kapunua,
Buried Myself Alive is MY FAVE TOO!
We have so much in common, Sdock. Do you wanna maybe... I dunno... pick up where we left off four years ago? *coughcough*
Elena said...
Fimble - She is fine just a bit shaken up. My other two are working. I just want them to get home.
You sound just like my Mom everytime we get bad weather out here. She'll call me at work and be like "blahblah blah... Okay, be careful going home!" HI MA!
resurrected wreck said...
It has been brought to my attention Mayo, and rightly so, that it's not polite to goad you into a new post, in your own home no less. Apologies. My scorn for G-Way does have a way of occasionally redirecting over to you.
I get that same way, too. Sometimes I actually picture him like G-Way and it gets me kinda mad. But be it known, I actually like Mayo. And like CTV says: Mayo >>>>>> Gerard Way. By like a few thousand miles.
Dude, I totally had a dream about Mayo and I just remembered it. He was this dude behind a glass partition like in Silence of the Lambs only I couldn't make out his features. He kept doing these charcoal drawings and then when he leaned forward to slide one through the little box thingie I saw that he was wearing a monocle, but that's all I could see.
It was a little creepy! But kind of cool too.
Thanks Amy you made me laugh
I get that same way, too. Sometimes I actually picture him like G-Way and it gets me kinda mad. But be it known, I actually like Mayo. And like CTV says: Mayo >>>>>> Gerard Way. By like a few thousand miles.
Indeed!
Psst...Have you heard about Mayo. I heard he spreads real easy.
Kapunua, I especially love how Bert did not tell his audience to go fuck themselves.
hey anon i heard mayo is great if you dip chips in it. yummy yummy
Okay I just heard the 15 year olds car drive in. She's home! Only one more to go.
That's good Elena.
Okay I just heard the 15 year olds car drive in. She's home! Only one more to go.
That's great news, Elena :)
I like my MAYO on a BED of JUICY white turkey BREAST
Sorry I'm trying to keep my mind occupied.
Hi all how are you? Elena I'm glad your daughter is alright
elena i think we are all on count down for you. i am glad two are in. let us know on the third one please
Anonymous said...
Psst...Have you heard about Mayo. I heard he spreads real easy.
December 6, 2007 9:45 PM
I don't know who you are, but you just won. ;) DiNGDING!
Jennicula said...
Kapunua, I especially love how Bert did not tell his audience to go fuck themselves.
Yeah, I tend to like that in a guy! CALL ME CRAZY.
Elena said...
Okay I just heard the 15 year olds car drive in. She's home! Only one more to go.
I'm so glad. In just a little while you will take a deep breath. ^_^
Mayo,
How are you? Me? I am just free floating right now...caring, but not caring. You know? And when I say that, I mean about me..nothing else. Just a little tired and a bit of headache. My thoughts are a little twisted. Picking up vibes and I'm not sure who they belong to. Oh well, oh well...
So tonight I am not sure what to discuss with you. Can we just pretend that we are sitting in my corner together? I'm scribbling on a notepad and you're smoking a cigarette, trying to get me to talk to you. I'm not sure what you want to know. But I would love to tell you. It's quiet in my corner and I look up and I see you again. Remember? Like the time before..when we were sitting across the table. I look up from my writing, to answer your question and our eyes meet. But this time, my head doesn't drop when we make eye contact. I look back at you, I answer you, and I smile. I look back up for a second to see if you think I am a total idiot for the answer I gave and I see that you are smiling too. I immediately feel inspired and words begin to fill my pages. No more scribbling and doodling tonight. You get up, and I watch you walk away..shaking your head. Yes, I am just exactly the way you think I am. And I think to myself, maybe next time, I'll ask you a question.
Goodnight Mayo, my friend.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. "It's never too late to be who you might have been."
George Eliot
Jenn, I made a similar comment over at DM. I agree 100%.
Anonymous said...
Psst...Have you heard about Mayo. I heard he spreads real easy.
December 6, 2007 9:45 PM
Mayo is a guy, I'm pretty sure, so the idea of 'him' 'spreading' just kinda grossed me out.
Got to head to bed, guys. Have a most excellent night!
Elena, I'll be thinking about you & your daughters. I know the evening will end just fine.
Kapunua, my best wishes to your doggy. Please give her a gentle squeeze from me.
Until tomorrow... adieu! :)
You guys,
I am off to bed now.
Love you all!
Kapunua,
Can we get married and go on tour together? Please, please! I've never been married before. I want to try it at least once!
Night RW and thanks
Elena, I'm east of you. I'm only four hours into it. I am sending all sorts of good vibes and MayoSammiches your way.
Goodnight RW, goodnight Sdock!
Sdock, maybe once I'm finished with this wife, I'll get around to you. Or how about I just keep you on the side, like as a super close friend that I could just leap into a relationship with the second mine inevitably fails. Sound good? Will you wait for me?
Goodnight RW and sd10 have sweet dreams.
Goodnight sdock and RW, sweet dreams.
Goodnight RW and Sdock. Happy dreams.
Sdock, maybe once I'm finished with this wife, I'll get around to you.
^ ^
0_0
Don't think I didn't see that!
GUY ON GUY.
Just Bert proposing to Quinn onstage. ^_^
resurrected wreck said...
Sdock, maybe once I'm finished with this wife, I'll get around to you.
^ ^
0_0
Don't think I didn't see that!
Two words for you darlin': "No pre-nup." ^_^
Now I'm sleepy. Ich bin muede. [for pixie and siobhan].
I'm going to go take some pictures of the snow. That will wake me up. My camera is going to be so fucked. Cold weather=Angry Camera. But it's worth it.
*First, I need to click 'guy on guy.'
Sdock, maybe once I'm finished with this wife, I'll get around to you.
^ ^
0_0
Don't think I didn't see that!
Two words for you darlin': "No pre-nup." ^_^
And I have two words for you, hun: MY ASS!
This one gets me every time...
He lives his life
in a world full of women
And he takes what he wants
from their love
And he throws the rest away
I cling to him and pray
But still he slips away
And now it's just too late
To wish him back again
She won't put up with this life
so she leaves him
And she finds someone else,
falls in love
And she travels far away
I say that it's ok
And swallow all my pain
And now it's just too late
To wish her back again
They left me here on my own
in a nightmare
And I just can't forgive anymore
So I smile and turn away
Don't listen when they say
They wish that I could stay
And now it's just too late
To wish me back again
"Light From a Dead Star"
Lush
That's pretty harsh, anon. Never heard that one, bu tit's pretty harsh.
^ Hurray for awkward typos.
Anon, Thank you for posting. Lush feels very nostalgic for me. It also reminds me of The Cranes. Amazing.
tit's pretty harsh.
Yeah Kapu typo....
MY ASS
Oh, yesterday I named "Turn Around" by the Kingston Trio. Anyway, these are the lyrics to that one:
Where are you going, my little one, little one?
Where are you going, my baby, my own?
Turn around and you're two.
Turn around and you're four.
Turn around and you're a young girl going out of the door.
Turn around. Turn around. Turn around and you're a young girl going out of the door.
Where are you going, my little one, little one?
Little dirndls and petticoats, where have you gone?
Turn around and you're tiny. Turn around and you're grown.
Turn around and you're a young wife with babes of your own.
Turn around. Turn around. Turn around and you're a young wife with babes of your own.
Even reading that makes me get all sobby and teary. I guess it's 'cause of my two young cousins who are growing up so goddamn fast. I can't even imagine what it must be like if it was my own kids.
Morning Side Of The Mountain - Tommy Edwards. I heard that the first time while I was driving home at night a few years ago and I busted out crying like a little bitch.
'bu tits pretty'
Bumper sticker? Or frig magnet?
"Frig magnet?" something that attracts frigs?
LOL. Typos rule.
Now why'd I have to go and listen to it? Damn. >_>
Okay, forget this, that was a stupid question. A new question.
What songs get you all riled?
You know, songs that get your spirit going, that make you want to jump up and, I don't know, kick something in the head, but in a good way?
K - you just explained exactly why I am a little scared to have kids.
Anima, I challenge you to hear the song without busting out crying. ;D Me, I'd like kids, but the reasons I'm scared to have them are a little different.
So, your "YEAH!" songs. What are those?
I hate to admit I love Philadephia Freedom by Elton John. It just reminds me of the 70's and being a kid and playing outside late at night in the summer. Oh, and current--I really like that Finger 11 song Paralyzer. Know it has no redeeming lyrical value, but it's damn catchy.
BATTLEFLAG - Lo Fi's!
I know you've all heard this song and maybe just don't know the name of it. It was in some movie somewhere. But nearly everything this band does is brilliant, so. But this is like their one big hit.
Dangerous to listen to while driving.
Oh, and bad words are in it and stuff, so like, mind your virgin ears.
Carrie, I also love Philadelphia Freedom. I have two really good memories to go with that song, one from the 80's and one from the 90's, oddly enough.
I love children...especially in stew.
Are ya fluid now darl'? Hey, take a listen to Battleflag, I think it's up your alley.
I'll have to listen to it tomorrow. Hubby is in bed, already had to turn the AIM sound down--his bat ears can probaby still hear the keyboard though. Tough.
OMG, Elena. ^_^ A modest proposal?
Hey Mayo, pop back on and say hello, be a dear. We're all surly and upset in here today, you know? Join us. Or shift the mood. Either or.
goodnight i am going to bed. i am to tired
sweet dreams and sleep well.
elena i hope your third is ok.
nighty night
xx
Mayo is on AIM?
Okay as if this day wasn't bad enough. I just got a note sent out by the high school. There was a threat made against the school. It is supposed to happen on Monday. So the note says if my kids (all three of them go there) don't go on Monday it's an excused absense. Ok now this isn't the first time this has happened. I'm just sitting here thinking the worlds gone to shit. If someone really wanted to do damage wouldn't they wait until Tuesday now?
No, Mayo posted those lyrics. ^_^
Goodnight, Fimble Star. :D
Goodnight FS have sweet dream
Elena said...
Okay as if this day wasn't bad enough. I just got a note sent out by the high school. There was a threat made against the school. It is supposed to happen on Monday. So the note says if my kids (all three of them go there) don't go on Monday it's an excused absense. Ok now this isn't the first time this has happened. I'm just sitting here thinking the worlds gone to shit. If someone really wanted to do damage wouldn't they wait until Tuesday now?
What the hell. Seriously?
Yeah, that stuff happens a lot even where my one cousin goes to school. They're always getting bomb threats and stuff. And it's one of the most upscale schools in the country.
The whole world is running mad. Elena, this is another reason why it's so scary to have kids. I can't imagine how much I would worry then.
I'm sure everything will be fine but it puts you in such a spot, god. >_>
hello!
what's happening?
That's right K
What the fuck am I supposed to do?
Send them because I don't want them to live in fear everytime shit like this happens?
Keep them home just because there's a chance something bad could really happen?
Shit, we are in the middle of God forsaken fuckin'nothing Kansas. This isn't supposed to happen.
Lush, i like their song lady killer and I can't remember the name of the song but I know one line. I'm a hypocrite I dish it out but I can't take it.
Oh carrie
Elton sang Philadelphia Freedom on Tues night it was fantastic!!
Goodnight guys, I'm off to bed. I've got a muscle relaxer in me that needs a couple of Advil for company. Darn back!
I don't know Elena, it's such a mind-scramble. I wonder if humans have always lived in fear, you know? before we had TV and stuff like that. On the other hand, before we had TV we had legends and superstition to keep us awake at night.
Oh hell, we still have those.
Today just isn't going right for you Elena. Shit. I'm sorry this is happening to you
One more post--I'm jealous Ergo, I so love that song! Ok, now goodnight for reals!
Goodnight Carrie have sweet dreams
elena just read what's happened.
It's terrible that that stuff has to happen.
You don't want them to be fearful but they need to know what the world is like these days which is a lot more threatening than it ever has been.
I hope you can explain it somehow that they won't become worried about everything but that they need to be mindful of the hazards we have to face now.
It's a very scary time, amd so tragic kids can't just be kids anymore
Sorry I'm so angry tonight. I'm angry at my husband who drinks every fucking day, angry at the weather, angry at shit heads who call in threats to the school. Fuck it I'm just angry all-around.
I'm sorry. I'll try to chill now. Maybe that got it out of my system.
Goodnight FS and carrie, sweet dreams.
night Carrie
oh elena your daughter with the car is ok?
Elena lrt it out. We are here for you
What songs get you all riled?
"Battle of one" By 30 seconds to Mars gets me riled.
There's got to be others but can't think of any right now.
Shit typos Let not lrt
Elena, I'm so sorry. Mostly I'm just sorry that your husband is like that. Are you doing anything to get you guys out of that situation? is he? I so very much hope so.
Entropy said...
What songs get you all riled?
"Battle of one" By 30 seconds to Mars gets me riled.
OH HELL YEAH.
PP wet by Frank's waterbottle said...
Land of Orcs: middle earth = flaming, soaking wet at 4 in the morning and most of the freaking day.
My page was refreshing and this is what it stopped at before fully loading. PP, I forgot to tell you how much I loved your posts.
Goodnight Carrie and FS. Happy dreams to you too.
Martha Jones said...
Mayo is on AIM?
December 6, 2007 11:01 PM
That wins.
Elena, that shit scares me. I have a lot of passion for the subject, but I can't imagine the fuel I would have being a parent.
I thought about you all quite a bit yesterday. Right now I am frustrated because I wish I had more to offer.
I must admit I did receive a few questioning looks when out of nowhere I said "Dominic".
You all inspire me in so many ways.
Riled, hmmm?
I'm off to bed people, thank you again for everything.
My good wishes go to Trisky.
And to Jade.
Hello mayo
Goodnight Miss t have sweet dreams talk to you later
Mayo, that's so kind of you. We were all thinking about MissT and Dominic yesterday, it's just nice that you were, too.
Hey, we get that you're busy and all, it's just nice to hear from you once in a while. ^_^
I hope you got the answer to your question, and I hope it was one that was good for you and him.
We all go a little mad sometimes. (That line was in TWO great movies.)
Yup. Riled.
Night, Miss T! Sleep tight!
Hello, Mayo
Good night MissT, and thank you again so much. Well, all of you really.
Hello Mayo.
How's your life today?
Aw, you surprise me sometimes, Mayo.
New Rose by The Damned gets me riled. I always do this spazzy dance when it's on, and I drive 168 miles an hour when I hear it in the car.
I posted it at DM, but since you're here.
Mayo:
Your fascination with light is strangely, for lack of a better word, fascinating.
I say that it's ok
And swallow all my pain
And now it's just too late
To wish her back again
They left me here on my own
in a nightmare
And I just can't forgive anymore
So I smile and turn away
Don't listen when they say
They wish I could stay
And now it's just too late
To wish me back again
No. It's never too fucking late for anything. You may feel like it's out of your control, but you have it in you. You have to search and when you find it, don't ever let it go.
You're in there.
I don't know what else to say to you to make you hear. I don't know what to do.
Wow mayo, thank you.
A friend has just called me back to look at this page.
Thank you so much for saying Dominic, you can't begin to understand what that means to me. So many of you others who said it too, you know who you are.
Thank you everybody. Oh gosh I am crying again.
Goodnight MissT. I wish you lovely happy dreams. Oh, and here is a hug for good measure. I am sure PH would like me to give you one from her too.
HI mayo
how are you?
This is riled in a good way , yes?
one song I have to sing out loud and proud is
"I am Woman" by Helen Reddy
Miss t are you going to be alright
Riled. That sounds about right.
Mayo, that means so much to me, I wish I could do something in return.
aw missT
we all think you are so special.
and all of us know of Dominic now so he's living on a bit in everyone
Mustard, you're such a lovely person. ^_^ Just saying.
I'll be OK, I'm crying tears of happiness right now.
You people are so fucking special, I can't put into words how much I love you right now.
Oh god, my eyes are gonna be swollen again tomorrow.
oh Star the Damned !! awesome.
for me "Elouise"
and "Blister in the Sun" by Violent Femmes
That's awesome, Star. ^_^ I do that with Battleflag.
Which, by the way, everyone should listen to because Lo Fi's are one of the best bands, well, pretty much ever. And that's not just like, opinion and stuff. That's gospel truth. ^_~
And you know, Mustard, not only are you lovely, but you're absolutely right, too. You know? Just a thousand times yes to what you said.
misst grab the spoons and cucumber!
Again, I wish I had more to offer.
Soon.
Some of you were wondering...
I am happy.
I am well.
I am working through it, and the debate continues.
I am filling my pages too.
Thank you.
The last one just got home.
Mayonaise,
Acknowledging missT, was the most sincere and touching "offer" that you could give right now.
much love to everyone
`sc
MissT, I said 'Dominic' out loud later that day. And immediately I said my brother's name. No one was around, but it was in the middle of a parking lot. It felt good.
And Mayo, that was sweet of you to mention. *And not blowing smoke up your ass right now; it is meant sincerely*
Welp, on that note you guys, I have to get to bed. I can't believe how tired I am.
I will see you all on the flip side tomorrow (DM,) Verizon willing. (No idea what the hell happened to my service today.)
You guys all take care of yourselves. And again, I can't thank you all enough. You guys are so awesome and lovely. And thoughtful.
Mayo, nice to hear from you as always. No laila, aloha ahiahi ('auinala?) e ku'u hoaloha Ihekoa.
Aloha ahiahi kakou!
Elena I'm glad your daughter is home and she is safe
thank you again mayo. If you are leaving, goodnight and sweet dreams.
Ergo, now I am laughing. I can picture myself with the spoons.
Mayo,
I'm glad you're feeling better.
Ergo, Wait For The Blackout makes me freak out too.
Dave Vanian's voice- MELT!
I'm glad you're happy and well, Ihekoa. And I hope that this debate of yours resolves itself--although they never do, do they? Those bitches take work.
Anyway yeah, all that Hawaiian stuff I said, again.
Elena, breathe. ^_^
Aloha kakou.
Mayo:
Goodnight, and I wish you luck.
Do you think I could get a copy of that book when you're done?
I may find the key to life.
Thank you SC and Anima. You should all say them name of your deceased loved ones now and again, it makes them live on in eternity.
Elena, I'm so relieved for you.
K, goodnight and sweet dreams and I'll be thinking of Trisky.
Goodnight kapu and have sweet dreams.
I hope it all works out for you Mayo Good luck
Thank you Martha.
sleep well misst honey
elena so glad they are all home safe
Mayo happy and well is really good,
hope you continue to feel that way and best wishes for you and yours
(for some reason I was going to say prosper then felt all Star Trekky)
Mayo, I'm glad to hear that. You deserve that for what you did for my friend.
Goodnight.
Goodnight, K. I'm still thinking about Trisky and hope she feels better really soon.
Elena, thank you for letting us know. Hug the babies and sleep good tonight.
Mayo, good to know you are happy and well. And I hope the debate doesn't continue much longer.
MissT, put more spoons in the frig. ;)
Your welcome Elena I'm just glad your daughters are okay.
Thanks to all of you for your concern. It's nice to know people care cause honestly I can't share this shit with anyone else and sometimes I get tired trying to keep it all inside.
star - I absolutely agree!
some guys just have voices that make you all - mufasa shiver (you know the hyena bit from the Lion King? "mufasa" "ooooh say it again")
I'm glad to be here for you Elena.
Ergoproxy,
Dave Vanian could sing the alphabet and I'd get the vapors. MEOW!
i left before to go to bed but i had to pick my parents up drunk again oh well they said they had a good time
i popped in on here just to get caught up so that i havent got a mission i the morning and look wat i find.
elena i am happy your third daughter is safe and sound
MAYO
i see you have gone some wehre other than the blogs. i just want to say thank you so much for what you have done tonight. you didnt speak an essay but what you did meant more than anything not to just one person but to all of us
it is nice to ear that you are happy and well. i suppose thats whats a lot of people want.
miss t i am so happy for you right now i am smiling like a cheshire cat
goodnight everyone and i hope you dream of the objects and people that mean the most to you.
xx
I am signing off once more.
Thank you once again people (I can't say it enough).
I hope to see you all tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of your evening and goodnight.
Who loves you, and who do you love?
I had a telephone marketing guy ring once and even though I didn't want waht he was selling I had to tell himhe had the most beautiful voice and he went all shy and coy.
Goodnight miss t and fs have sweet dreams
Ergoproxy,
I am a sucker for voices. I actually heard my husband on the radio before I saw him. His friend has a radio show, and he used to go in and hang out. He sounded sexy and happy at the same time, all gravelly, and he had a great laugh.
my dad does radio and I say he has his "radio voice"
my favourite thing about my hubby is he laughs like scooby doo, it's so cute
Ergoproxy,
Scooby Doo! That must be a cute laugh!
*just finished smoking.
.
.
.
Messiah.
well goodnight all You guys have fun talk to you tomorrow.
Goodnight, marthajones!
night MJ
it is it's a giggle and he says it's not but it so is like scooby
anon, sorry forgot you fro a sec.
loves me - my hubby and daughter and friends
who do I love - ditto
Good night, everyone!
goodnight star
Just because everyone needs a little....
Reggie et al
Love these guys. I can't explain.
Ep if you are still here on Mayo's profile it says lingering @10:01 waiting for the right question. later
Mayo, you are a fickle.
(fickle) *fuck*
sorry, I left out a word.
Guten nacht.
mayo do you have aim?
ok wrong 10:01 comment lol
do you want a question? i really don't know. I'm not sure if anyone else is here
"all by myself
don't wanna be
all by myself
anymore
all by myself
don't wanna be
all by my..y..y slf anymore
when i was young
never needed anyone
making love was just for fun
those days are gone...."
Hi ergoproxy if you are still here.
Mayonaise,
I am sure sdock10 will be "tickled pink" that you are "filling your pages",too.
`sc
Ohh that song.....I remember singing it with such passion
thanks for the memory ep
`sc
hi sc!
it's a lovely song
how are you?
doing well ep, hope all is going ok for you.
my heart is full tonight with the caring all have shown here.
`sc
'Messiah' is the name of a band/mix group.
sc it has been really lovely, the last 2 days have shown a really tender side of everyone
anon I haven't heard of them. are they any good?
for anyone who comes on later
it is so humid here and there is a song that really speaks Australia
(canefields is sugar cane which is in the are a I live)
Gangajang - Sounds of Then
I think I hear the sounds of then,
And people talking,
The scenes recalled, by minute movement,
And songs they fall, from the backing tape.
That certain texture, that certain smell,
To lie in sweat, on familiar sheets,
In brick veneer on financed beds.
In a room, of silent hardiflex
That certain texture, that certain smell,
Brings home the heavy days,
Brings home the night time swell,
Out on the patio we'd sit,
And the humidity we'd breathe,
We'd watch the lightning crack over canefields
Laugh and think, this is Australia.
The block is awkward - it faces west,
Long diagonals, and sloping too.
And in the distance, through the heat haze,
In convoys of silence the cattle graze.
That certain texture, that certain beat,
Brings forth the night time heat.
Out on the patio we'd sit,
And the humidity we'd breathe,
We'd watch the lightning crack over canefields
Laugh and think that this is Australia.
To lie in sweat, on familiar sheets,
In brick veneer on financed beds.
In a room of silent hardiflex
That certain texture, that certain smell,
Brings forth the heavy days,
Brings forth the night time sweat
Out on the patio we'd sit,
And the humidity we'd breathe,
We'd watch the lightning crack over canefields
Laugh and think, this is Australia.
Out on the patio we'd sit,
And the humidity we'd breathe,
We'd watch the lightning crack over canefields
Laugh and think, this is Australia.
This is Australia, this is Australia, this is Australia
ep, I can feel the thickness of the air on my skin.
What does the air smell like?
Apparently, Messiah are a death/thrash metal band.
All ready for bed. Not that anyone is here but before I retire, but regardless, ... Goodnight everyone.
I have to acknowledge this:
"I paint this shit all the colors of reality. Fluid."
I think it should be 'fucking' fluid. It just makes more sense that way.
Mayo, I'm sorry, I'm trying to make light. Nevermind. Per usual, it is only funny in my head.
Goodnight everyone. I will talk to you tomorrow. :)
Anonymous said...
Apparently, Messiah are a death/thrash metal band.
December 7, 2007 1:35 AM
Wah? You are being silly aren't you...?
anon thanks, I haven't heard of them, i'll pass the name on to a friend who likes that.
sc it is so heavy and hot at the moment, i am fully expecting lightning later, though we look over cow paddocks
the air smells clean with the slight scent of grass , or if I walk to the yards add horse and a bit of cow lol
good night everyone and to you beautiful anima, with the husband that has a nice ...!
much love
`sc
No I am not. I just looked it up.
goodnight anima
oh you know Messiah ? what are they then?
Mayo
My usual stupid nightly rambling takes place much later than this but tonight I know I need to write it now. I'm not tired but I'm going to lie down and close my eyes. Not that I'll sleep because I won't but because I'm tried of keeping my eyes open. I'm tired of seeing the things that have been in front of me all along that I've been ignoring. So I'll close my eyes and then I truly won't see. I won't have to pretend. Ever get tired of pretending? I do. Its sorta sad people in my life think I'm so happy, so together. It's only here the real me sneaks out and right now she's out with a vengeance. She's running around saying things she'd never say out loud. Talking about my husbands drinking. Being afraid for my children’s safety to the point of ranting. Nope the me that people in my life see would never do that. So why here? Don't know and frankly I'm too tired to care. Shit, I do ramble don't I? Nothing I said would make any sense to anyone but me and I'm not sure it even makes sense to me. Oh well tomorrow will be better. At least thats the lie I whisper to myself.
I'm scared, that's the truth that I never whisper.
goodnight sc
looks like it's you and me anon , how are you?
or are you off too?
Check out this link about the band here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki
/Messiah_(Swiss_band)
Unfortunately, I have to be off for the night. Goodnight everyone.
I would love to be there to see and feel it, ep.
thanks and goodnight.
`sc
elena it does make sense.
I think everyone pretends somehow, but it's nice you feel comfortable enough to find some release here.
wishing you all the best.
hope you do get some sleep.
wait, elena are you here or off to close your eyes?
`sc
goodnight everyone then
sc,elena, anon.
I will pass the name on to my friend, she's always checking out new bands
you all sleep well and I'll see you next time
SC, I just want to squeeze you. That's all. Ergo, goodnight too. :)
'Messiah' is kind of olderish. I do not know much more about them other than their songs.
Love to all of you. Goodnight for realz this time.
I'm still here
May I do anything for you elena?
`sc
I don't think anyone really can but I thank you for asking.
hey elena
don't feel silly, I know just what you mean. I'm scared too. Scared for the future,scared about my family, scared I'm not doing things right or well enough....
you aren't alone in feeling things like this, and you've had a bad day today.
Things can get better, I hope they do for you, really I do.Maybe try to make some little changes.
I'm sure you can make a difference. You do to people here.
ergo changes are the problem. I changed.
My whole life I've tried to be just what people wanted me to be. I tried to be the perfect daughter, the perfect wife, the perfect mother. I tried, honest I did. It was never enough, never right.
Finally I thought why can't I be who I want to be.
I changed. I lost over 100 pounds so I could dress like I wanted, wear my hair the way I liked, listen to the music I loved. Suddenly I was the person I always wanted to be but in gaining that person I made everyone else unhappy. My husband thinks I'm gonna leave him. I won't. He drinks and I think it's my fault.
My children hate the way I look. Honest I'm not one of the older women trying to look young. I do look young I always have. When I go places with my daughters people don't think I'm their mom and they hate that.
What am I supposed to do? I can't change back. I hated that person. I don't want to be her ever again. But I'm making them unhappy. So that must mean I'm selfish. I can't win. I never win. No matter what I do, it's wrong. Everything is my fault, that's what I see. That's what I don't want to see.
but it's not your fault and you aren't selfish, they are,believe it or not I did a similar thing and had similar results,I tell you If i'd been on here at the start of the year I would have been negative about everything.
I cahnged into the person I am/used to be and my parents don't really like it, my hubby was worried too and it took a lot of tearful and angry discussionds to convnce him I wouldn't, though at times I sure as hell felt like it!
I don't know what you can do about your daughters, i don't really know whay they wouldn't like it.Maybe well hopefully it's an adjustment they'll be able to come to terms with.
I like music no one else in the family likes, or has even heard of! My sis in law is a bitch, but I had to do it for myself. I am still finding out who is and isn't my friend and I've made new ones, it's a hard thing to do and I am stll not sure if I did the right thing, but i couldn't be the dutiful country wife people expected.
But just know you aren't alone and it'll be hard but being true to yourself is the most important thing, you can't live as what others expect of you,but it's a risk you take. I really do hope it will work out for you.
But i do know how disillusioning and hard it can be.
I think the hardest thing is that I would support them any way I could. I've always encouraged my daughters to be themselves. To dress and act the way they truly wanted. Not to conform. So it hurts me that they can't accept me the way I am.
As for my husband, he's a good man, he really is. I love him but he makes me feel so stupid. I've never been able to please him. Nothing I do is right. My God, once I used the wrong color onion in a dish I was making. He went on about it for days. Wrong color onion? WTF it's an onion, for God's sake. He's always been like that I think now it's just harder for me to take.
I'm just having a bad day. I'm sitting here crying and hating myself for it. People in this world have real, terrible problems. People go to malls to shop and get killed. Why do I have the right to whine? Cause I'm feeling sorry for myself. I should stop. Maybe I just need to let it out once in a while and this is the only place I can.
Thank you for saying I'm not selfish cause that's one of my greatest fears. I try so hard not to be. I try so hard to be a good person. I want to make a difference in a good way by being here. Am I just fooling myself? Sometimes I think I am cause why in the world would anything I say make a difference? I try to offer the right words to people here. I try to offer words to Mayo although I'm really sure that's never gonna happen. I guess what I'm saying it how can I help others when I can't seem to help myeslf?
I am still here.
`sc
SC I guess you see I opened my heart and let all the shit pour out. Thank you for asking in the first place. Your concern made me start crying and then well it was on. I love this place I love all these people. I feel like I belong. Thank you.
Ok, well goodnight elena and I hope ep's kind words offered some comfort.
much love
`sc
elena though your husband may be lovely he's not really showing it. I agree it is an onion,they all taste the same!
You are not being selfish ,he is for expecting you to be how he wants you to be.
You seem genuine and nice and I'm sure heaps of people you talk to here think so.
Maybe you need to have a really serious talk and tell himhow he makes you feel.i did the same but my hubby made some really important decisions without really listening to me and I felt really left out and unappreciated. it took a couple of big sort of fights and a period of not really speaking to clear it up but I wasn't telling him how I felt and he didn't see it the way i did.
Heck he hated MCR as I kept listening to them and he was convinced I'd leave him for someone else who liked the same thing. We sorted so much out and now it's good, but there are still issues there and we'll work through them. But at least now we tell each other instead of suffering and getting more and more frustrated and angry,You can never be sure how the future will go but it's a lot brighter than it was, for both of us. anyway I have to go it's dinner time, that's why it's been a while forme to reply
You do need to let it out, just because you are just one person doesn't mean your feelings are irrelevant. There are so many horrible things happening to people in the world but you still have to feel your own feelings and live your own life too,and it's very important to you and your well being.
I hope I helped a bit, you aren't alone and you can email me or anything if you like, it's on my profile
all the best, honestly, take care elena.
xx
Good night SC
Mayo
I feel much better now. I'm still unsure about my true worth to you. However these wonderful people here have given me hope. You are one lucky SOB. So many truly good people here because it's your house. Take care Mayo. I'll still be here trying to come to terms with my choices. Still trying to make a difference. Not just for you, not just for them, not just for myself but for all of us.
Dear Mayo, our friend,
What a wonderful surprise to scroll down through the comments and find your name!
Thank you so much for giving Miss T your support and love. We know it means a lot to her, and it means a lot to the rest of us as well.
We ARE all a family, for better or worse, you know? And we all take care of each other. That includes you and SS.
Lots of others have been saying it, but we really do like it when you come home and talk to us. We wish you'd do it more often. It doesn't have to be anything deep or meaningful, it just has to be honest. We would love for you to come in and talk about your day, or tell us funny stories from your childhood, or vent about your problems, or just be silly. Whatever you feel like.
WE LIKE YOU, MAYO! Please remember that. We would like you even more if you would open up a little. You may think we DON'T like you, but that's not the case. We just don't know you very well. It's harder to relate to someone you don't talk to very often.
Anyway, thanks again for your concern about Miss T. You're a sweetheart; we always knew you were.
Peace, Love, Happiness
L and J
elena,
may I just just say, before I head off to sleep;lest someone might find me slumped over my keyboard.(lame humor)
Making a difference is taking action despite fear.
I think that happened tonight.
(smiles)
sleepy is outta here once again
`sc
Elena, my sweet friend, please don't cry. You have done nothing wrong. All you have done is let the real you out, and you know what? It scared people.
Your husband and daughters had probably grown used to the woman you were, and they were comfortable with her. Then, all of a sudden, BAM! Here's this new woman who looks better, feels better, is comfortable with HERSELF. And they went, Who the fuck is THAT?
I have lived my entire life not fitting in. At school, at home, at work, I've always been the "weird" one. Sure, people thought I was funny, and clever, and hardworking, but when it came right down to it, they didn't include me in anything. I was always the outsider b/c of my ideas and feelings. Only since I've been in my late 30s and now early 40s do I think that THEY are the ones who are weird.
Have you tried talking to your family about how you feel? What do they say? Tell them that the new you makes YOU happy, and find out why it makes them UNhappy.
If you would like to talk more, please email me. I'm so sorry I can't stay on right now, but it's after 4 am and I'm beat.
Remember that I love you--so does L, you know that--and I will help you any way I can.
Its ALL about the love.
J
hey, hi mayo's blog.
i just got home a short while ago from my concert. it was so much fun! it woke up all my hungers, and fed them at the same time.
but i get home and come here and find that i missed so much, and that makes me sad. i don't want to be left out of your lives...
and mayo, it was so lovely to see your name in among the rest, and to read your friendly messages. i wish i had been here for those, too.
am i still a part of the family if i can't be here like i used to?
going to bed now. i go back to real life again tomorrow.
hey
what a fantastic place this is
really - you are wonderful people
a treasure indeed
Mayo,
As I write this morning, I hope that it finds you still happy and well. Me? Well, it's Friday and I feel strangely calm yet excited about the day which later on will probably turn into impatient and ambivalent. Oh well, oh well..part of the fun is not knowing I suppose.
So I see you came back to my corner after I left for bed last night. It still smells like cigarette smoke and ink. I've saved you a chair now so come back whenever you feel the need. I'm leaving you a note and it says:
Mayo, It's my turn to ask you a question, but I'm not quite ready yet. It's one that I need to make sure that I can answer as well. Give me just a little more time...
Until then, here's that Johnny Cash CD I promised to you. Who knows? Maybe I'll find you sitting here when I get back.
Keep filling those pages.
Love to YOU Always,
S
Thanks for letting us know you are okay and for mentioning Dominic. You have no idea what that means to all of us here. Our little dysfunctional family is so crazy, but oh so close.
Mayo, you are special to us, whether you believe it or not.
Keep debating...it's good for the soul. It lets you know you still care.
May you have a wonderful day filled with hope and love and pages filled with beautiful words.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. A little faith never hurt either.
As usual I miss the action, I blame the xanax, I'm never fucking awake anymore.
MAYO, it's good to hear you're doing well, really it is. Puts a small smile on my face, the best I can do at this juncture.
You do what you have to do, take your time. It's YOUR life doll.
Those who care will wait as long as it takes.
EVERYONE ELSE!
Beautiful people, I'm sure having some sort of conversation with Mayo has given comfort, carry that with you.
Take all warm thoughts in fact, and carry them close and careful.
Don't lose them, whatever you do.
xx cupcake.... or something like it.
Just wanted to say Hi to all and I hope you have/had/are having a great day!
I'm off to work and will catch you guys later!
pj,
Left something for you at my blog. I swear we always miss each other.
Take care, my friend.
Hi and bye Sdock... wish you weren't going. It's terribly lonely here.
TJ, I'd like to think we're all family even if we can't be here a lot..... I bloody hope so! otherwise I'm screwed. Sometimes I muse sadly about how much i miss out on.
But that's just life i suppose.
Shit happens, but mostly to me, so don't worry.
Afternoon Cuppers!
That's if you're still here.
And Good Afternoon to Mayo too - maybe you're not quite the soul-less f*ckwit* I had you pegged as.
Approbation to everyone who pulled together for MissT - it's quite scary to read through a lot of the heavier stuff that goes on here, yet it gives me a warm feeling that there's still some soft, fuzzy humanity out there.
MissT,
I said it out loud for him/you, but I said my friend's Mum's name too. I didn't know that was an Ancient Egyptian thing, but it kind of makes sense - we had her funeral yesterday and all the hymns and poems were her own words and it did feel like she was living on through them.
Love,
Kass xx
*I mean that as a term of endearment.
Hi Kass hun, how are you?
Good morning errbody!
Elena,
I hope you feel better today. I'm not the best at trying to say the right thing or give advice but I'll be thinking about you today and if you need someone to listen, you know we are all here for you.
Mayo-naze!!!!
I'm glad that you are happy and well. That makes me feel better. As crazy as it sounds and even though no one else understands this place, we do care about you. I can't even bring myself to be mean to you anymore. It was always my way of showing you how I really didn't care but now I can't fake that anymore. You kind of feel the same don't you? What you did for MissT was so special and I know it means so much to her. Thank you for that. You know, it doesn't matter who you are or where you are, it's the little things like the mentiononing of a name or noticing that someone isn't quite themselves and asking them how they are. That's what matters. That's what makes this place so special.
Guess I can't call you a jackass today, huh? Nah, I'm sure I can find a reason somewhere. ^_~
I do hope you have a wonderful day!
You gets lots of hugs and kisses from me today, Mayo!
XOXO,
Princess
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