Thursday, November 15, 2007

Final, but not departing words...

I understand your need for answers, information, and reassurance.

I have been asked to offer a tailored invitation to each of you. I cannot in good conscience fulfill your request, not now. With the current climate here, I am afraid this would only escalate hurt feelings and finger pointing. What if I get it wrong?

Some of you are more open and I may know more about you, others are more reluctant to reveal themselves, or are perhaps new…how do I deal with this? I know your names, and yes, I can speak to most of your personalities, but not all...so you can see where that may lead. You have all come here with your individual voices, with your own intent, wanting to be heard, wanting to listen. All valid, yet you do not require my validation to set your sails.

"Mayonaise" is an important place for me. Although I make every attempt, I am unable to read all the heartfelt comments that you leave. I spend time with you after I post, and then I return when I am able to give you my full attention. You would be amazed at how skilled I have become at finding that time...somewhat of an artful dodger. If it ever appears that I have missed something, I apologize.

Please understand I am not evading, I am not ditching your request. I only fear that any misinterpretations at this time could be disastrous to whatever chance you have of restoring friendships. This is no longer about me. Stay here for each other. I will continue to post on “Mayonaise”. You may listen if you choose. Or you can ignore me, and continue to use this space to gather. Or you may choose to disappear.

I cannot take you for granted.
I am accountable for my actions.
I need you.

I have been asked to reveal myself to you. You all know me. I am whoever you want me to be, I am an artist, a poet, a singer, a motherfucker, and a contradiction, a mouthpiece, a friend, and an enemy, a brother, an informant, a whipping boy, a basket case, a queen, and a criminal...(credit to John Hughes.)


p.s. my fear, again...and I am hungry, but often I forget to eat.




"You have the exclusive right to be an exclusive asshole. But I don't have to like it."

1,920 comments:

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Martha Smith-Jones said...

Touching in just the right spot at the right time.

ergoproxy said...

yeah the guy absolutely needs a brain and a sense of humour.

and not be arrogant

Smoke said...

"you can't go to New Jersey cause it's stupid!" blah blah blah

Now where have I heard that one before?

And don't forget the whole "Since you done seen them fuckers twice, why don't you go live with them My Chemical Romance assholes!"

Again, Frank......call me.

sdock10 said...

Not arrogant, but COCKy

Amyranth said...

The eyes get me first. Then the smile, then the arse.

Much later, seeing what he can do for me.

-Amyranth

Original Punk J said...

Princess Smoke,

J. says when he wakes up she'll have him call you. He's a little tired right now...

L.

MissTottenham said...

I'm so slow, I can't do AIM and this, what have I missed? What are we talking about?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

he has to be a bit eccentric.

Amyranth said...

smoke&venom20 said...

"you can't go to New Jersey cause it's stupid!" blah blah blah

Now where have I heard that one before?

And don't forget the whole "Since you done seen them fuckers twice, why don't you go live with them My Chemical Romance assholes!"

Again, Frank......call me.


Good Lord, yours too?

I constantly get reminded that Gerard and my Dad share the same name.

"You can't date him, it would be like talking to your dad all the time!"

No, actually I can't date him because he's married, famous, and has little to no idea who I am.

-Amyranth

Anonymous said...

How 'bout knowing how to tell the difference between a joke and not a joke. Pisses me off.

Since I have no skillz with a 'z' in this area:

Hands and fingers ;) and eyes rank pretty much at the top

Personality. Dude, if I can carry on a conversation with tree bark and get more out of it than you, there's a hell of a lot wrong.

Someone to know that silence isn't a bad thing. Someone that can just sit there and be comfortable and not feel like they have to say anything.

Those are pretty much what I think are most important.

toujours said...

miss t, what turns you on.

that's the question, not just me being flirty. ;)

Anonymous said...

I like sarcasm. I'm snarksexual.

Smoke said...

Ok, ok. Since everyone is being honest about what turns them on, I'll do it to.

Somebody that can make me laugh for no reason at all. I can be pissed off with the world and he'll say something so off the wall and I can't help but laugh at him. Then in the next five seconds the most unbelievable thing happens............








I want to choke the living shit out of him.

Anonymous said...

Mayo, be it know: WE ARE NOT TRYING TO COURT YOUR BAD TASTE. ^_~ You can keep your erotica to yourself. :P

I don't know what possessed me to ask that question, honestly.

sdock10 said...

He has to be touched in the head because I am touched in the head and we could be touch each other together.

Oh, this game is about to take a dangerous turn. I can see it now.

Original Punk J said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

S&V20, you just cracked me up.

MissTottenham said...

OK TJ, thanks.

A good sense of humor, nice eyes, a cute smile.

A pretty little nose is good too.

ergoproxy said...

yes a bit self assured is one thing, arrogant is another.

eccentric and quirky is good, and kind hearted

Anonymous said...

I'll touch him in the head. With a phone book. Really hard. ;D

Amyranth said...

Oh, and I almost forgot, a nice upper body. Not bodybuilder style, and not Lardass The Fatso, but just... nice.

-Amyranth is going to be adding to her list all night.

Amyranth said...

Kapunua said...

Mayo, be it know: WE ARE NOT TRYING TO COURT YOUR BAD TASTE. ^_~ You can keep your erotica to yourself. :P


You know, corny erotica is another one of my turn ons ;)

-Amyranth

MissTottenham said...

Honestly, I like a guy that is pretty enough to look good in a dress. I guess Gerard counts right?

toujours said...

oh yes. quirky is essential.

Amyranth said...

MissTottenham said...

Honestly, I like a guy that is pretty enough to look good in a dress. I guess Gerard counts right?


I'd agree, but that generally means they look better than me in a dress. Not so good.

-Amyranth

sdock10 said...

Fuck, what is wrong with me? I can no longer type a sentence that makes sense. I always sound like a complete drunk.....oh well.

How bout when they try to be your daddy? Like, are you sure you are going to cook that roast like that because I would do it like this. Or did you remember to blow out that candle because you could burn the house down. Or if you would put on some clothes you wouldn't be cold. Or if you would do it like this, it would be so much better. Or if you don't get those clothes out of the dryer they are going to wrinkle. Or.....I got tons of these!
Cocksuckinmotherfuckinsonofabitch

Anonymous said...

I like it when boys kiss.

THERE, I SAID IT.

Anonymous said...

Um...Conversation.

Someone who knows a lot about a lot of things.

NOT someone who believes they wrote the book of life. I don't want to listen to a drone.

Smoke said...

Thanks, J. He must be all rested now cause he just called.

BRB, gotta go take care of Frank for a bit. Yay!

For real though, "Corey Feldman" has requested my presence and I shall return in oh, about twenty minutes.......





And no, it's not even like that. Promise. ^_^

Amyranth said...

sdock10 said...

Fuck, what is wrong with me? I can no longer type a sentence that makes sense. I always sound like a complete drunk.....oh well.

How bout when they try to be your daddy? Like, are you sure you are going to cook that roast like that because I would do it like this. Or did you remember to blow out that candle because you could burn the house down. Or if you would put on some clothes you wouldn't be cold. Or if you would do it like this, it would be so much better. Or if you don't get those clothes out of the dryer they are going to wrinkle. Or.....I got tons of these!
Cocksuckinmotherfuckinsonofabitch


OR!

My mom does it like this...

ARGH!

-Amyranth

Fimble Star said...

i hate it when they think they are always right

Anonymous said...

I hate that, Sdock.

You know what I tend to get? I tend to get intellectual snobs. I draw them like flies to a corpse, and then when they find out that I have a sense of humor other than snark and culture, they're all offended.

I also get a few "daddies" who think they have to school me. I HATE the control thing. They think I'm some kind of "firecracker" or something and they get all condescending.

NOT.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

He has to have his own sense of style. like sneakers with a suit.

By the way for all the DD fans their is an interview with Simon in the new Blender. Here is a preview.

John Taylor was a beautiful man. Did you ever find yourself attracted to him?

Simon: No. In men I prefer blonds. He's too tall for me. And his cock's too big.

Got love Simon for that one.

toujours said...

hands and arms are important, too. my ex and i used to sit at the table together and draw, and sometimes i would forget to draw because i was watching his forearms.

he never understood this. :)

MissTottenham said...

Amyranth, gerard ain't gonna out pretty me in my pretty little dresses ha!


He may be cute but I can look like a blond alice in wonderland in my little yellow dress.

sdock10 said...

Kapunua,

I LOVE IT WHEN BOYS KISS!!

FUCK YEAH I LIKE THAT SHIT!

Anonymous said...

Toujours:

That muscle?

Okay, changed my mind.

The "Muscle," hands, and fingerz...with a 'z' ;)

Anonymous said...

Physically? Dark hair, light eyes, long bones, prominent veins. That's weird, right? O_O

Tall dark and weird.

Fimble Star said...

i cant stand it when guys come up to you and say wat up ma.

MA why the fuck do you call someone ma.

Amyranth said...

MissTottenham said...

Amyranth, gerard ain't gonna out pretty me in my pretty little dresses ha!


He may be cute but I can look like a blond alice in wonderland in my little yellow dress.


I used to do that, but I already look like I'm 12, so why push it?

Now, I wear whore clothes. My current favorite dress is Black lace over red spandex. Very... constricting.

It's like a walking Y.I

-Amyranth

toujours said...

Simon: No. In men I prefer blonds. He's too tall for me. And his cock's too big.

*faints from hysterical laughter*

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Kapu mayo is now off somewhere pouting because of your comment. And I like boys kissing other boys too.

Anonymous said...

sdock10 said...

Kapunua,

I LOVE IT WHEN BOYS KISS!!

FUCK YEAH I LIKE THAT SHIT!


One boy? Nice. Two boys? NICE.

Anonymous said...

Which comment?

If Mayo wants to write erotica, he should get with the current program and write some guy on guy. ^_~

sdock10 said...

Mine loves to tell me that I have come UNSLAPPED!

He says, "You have become unslapped, haven't you?"

His way of trying to keep me in life.

Cocksuckinmotherfuckinsonofabitch

MissTottenham said...

I don;t like body hair. I like em smooth.

toujours said...

That muscle?

yep. ^.^
and the way men's wrists are shaped differently than ours...yowza!

Anonymous said...

Sdock, you know my opinion. *heart*

Amyranth said...

sdock10 said...

Mine loves to tell me that I have come UNSLAPPED!

He says, "You have become unslapped, haven't you?"

His way of trying to keep me in life.

Cocksuckinmotherfuckinsonofabitch


Last time mine bitched about me not doing something like his mom, I asked if he wanted me to suck dick like her too.

He hasn't said anything since.

-Amyranth

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Kapunua said...

Mayo, be it know: WE ARE NOT TRYING TO COURT YOUR BAD TASTE. ^_~ You can keep your erotica to yourself. :P

I don't know what possessed me to ask that question, honestly.

November 17, 2007 2:59 AM

This one.

ergo said...

mj love the interview!

...
and they cannot dress like a gangsta or talk like one or any other rap thing or like the music.
(any other style is tolerable)

Anonymous said...

^What one?

Amyranth, I love you for that. ^_^

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Amy you win. I love that comment.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

The one about erotica

sdock10 said...

Guy on guy erotica would make me moist my panties...fuck did I just say that?

Mayo, You feeling us tonight?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

So mayo what does a guy have to do to turn you on?

Amyranth said...

I hate the Wigger style even more than I hate the Ugly Wifebeater style, with the trucker hats and fake southern slang.

Too many rednecks in Alberta.

-Amyranth

Anonymous said...

You did say it, Sdock. You so did. You went there. ^_~

toujours said...

So mayo what does a guy have to do to turn you on?

suddenly, the blog goes very, very quiet, waiting.

sdock10 said...

soft hands, soft lips

sdock10 said...

tight ass

the kind you just want to grab and put your hands on

Anonymous said...

Sdock, I used to spar with this one guy I had such a crush on. His butt was so firm that I would be bruised for days after kicking him on the butt. I mean, hardcore bruises all up and down my calves, just from kicking this guy on the ass.

sdock10 said...

Kapunua said...
Sdock, I used to spar with this one guy I had such a crush on. His butt was so firm that I would be bruised for days after kicking him on the butt. I mean, hardcore bruises all up and down my calves, just from kicking this guy on the ass.


Nice...Did you want to bite it?

toujours said...

white shirt and black pants. not like in that mormon-boys-on-a-mission way, but like japanese-boys-in-school-uniforms way.

*oh dear*
warped by anime.

Anonymous said...

I was content with the kicking. ;) I did wish we would grapple more, though. I was always tempted to ask him, "But what would be the proper tecnique if, say.... my attacker was naked?"

Anonymous said...

What is you lot's sexiest song? I have these two by Lo Fidelity Allstars that are LIKE WHOA for me.

sdock10 said...

black leather jackets

toujours said...

black leather jackets

yes please.

sdock10 said...

song?

I'll have to think about that one because my man and I have totally different taste in music, so something that gets me revved up turns him off.

right now, I can't think of one that gets me revved up..

Anonymous said...

<---- Vegetarian, no leather for this little black duck

ergoproxy said...

I did a self defence class with a martial arts schooland the instructor was gorgeous and he pinned me to the ground and I couldn't stop giggling, and he had a wooden spoon for a knife in his belt and when i (finally) rolled him off it speared him in the crotch

needless to say I think I made an impression

Anonymous said...

hey everyone. What's going on here?

Anonymous said...

Let's talk about guy on guy again! ^_______^

sdock10 said...

there are several songs that when I think of the man singing the song I get revved up but I don't think that's what you meant...

*still thinking*

Martha Smith-Jones said...

hI BC

Smoke said...

"Last time mine bitched about me not doing something like his mom, I asked if he wanted me to suck dick like her too."


That is the funniest thing I have heard all freakin' week.

I think "Corey" is finally asleep. Maybe. He wouldn't hush, God bless him. Talk about being 'touched in the head'. Ya'll have no idea......

Sdock, you tell him that I said to (in your best b. wiggins voice) "Shut the fuck up!"

ergoproxy said...

hi BC


and long hair but not blonde.
blondes do nothing for me.

and some hair on the chest, I cannot abide totally smooth guys

toujours said...

needless to say I think I made an impression

lol!

oh, also, that whole sportsbike thing. the jacket, the boots, the gloves, the helmet.
vroom.

Amyranth said...

I like Blondes.

It makes them look all pure and stuff.

-Amyranth

MissTottenham said...

Hi BC.

sdock10 said...

Kapunua,

Let's talk about guys with their tongues in each others mouths....hmmmm.

Smoke said...

There is only two guys that I like to see and I think we all know who that is. I'm not even sure why either, ya know? Wait, I take that back. There is one specific guy that I could see with several different guys.

How in the hell did we start talkin' about this?

Damn. Kinda HARD to follow this up with anything else.

ergoproxy said...

TJ

.....wetsuit.....

Anonymous said...

sdock10 said...

Kapunua,

Let's talk about guys with their tongues in each others mouths....hmmmm.


LET'S!!

Anonymous said...

cupcake said...
I agree with you nobody! stunning song. I hate calling you nobody, it feels mean! XD


Lol it's alright, I couldn't think of a proper name and can't remember my damn password to my blogger account (though I should go get it sent to me now haha)! Maybe I'll do so after I try to read all the comments left after I went to bed.

toujours said...

ergo.

yes, please. :)

sdock10 said...

Let's talk about 2 hot sweaty dudes like for instance in a rock band maybe and how they just rub on each other and exchange bodily fluids and touch each other in special places...hmmmmm

Martha Smith-Jones said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Sdock10, marthajones, Kapunua, anybody I missed.
How is everyone? I'm happy to see everyone seems happy!

Let the boy on boy talk continue please!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

God I miss Queer as Folk.

Anonymous said...

Sdock, can we also talk about how we maybe have, like, a folder of pictures of that kind of thing going on? ;D

MissTottenham said...

I loved queer as folk.

Martha Smith-Jones said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Hi there ergo, Miss T, star. How are you guys doing?

Smoke said...

How one likes to LICK the other ones face?

I'll never be the same.........

Anonymous said...

Hi there martha

Anonymous said...

The Simon Le Bon comment cracked me up, because I seriously thought Simon and John were going to kiss Tuesday night when I saw them. They were grinding up against each other and I gasped. But alas, no kiss.

ergoproxy said...

hi star

tj actually ..imagine your perfect guy caught in the rain.
wet guys are sexy....cause you have to dry em off!

toujours said...

hey there, star. ^.^

bc, i don't think i said hi earlier. must have got caught up in the topic. *wink*

Anonymous said...

smoke&venom20 said...

How one likes to LICK the other ones face?

I'll never be the same.........


I was thinking that. >_> But, don't bring it down! Keep talking about the good stuff!

sdock10 said...

Of course Kapunua, hypothetically speaking of course.

Hi everyone that has just joined us!

Princess Smoke, name 2 other dudes you would like to see kiss!

Anonymous said...

I'd also like to point out that I despise real person fiction, and I'm so not talking about that when I say "guy on guy." I'm just talking about, well, guy on guy. ^_^

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hi star I wish Simon and John would take a page out of the Gerard and Frank book of fan service

Anonymous said...

I used to like it when Jared Leto and Matt Wachter would kiss. Those two were niiiice.

toujours said...

oh, ergo, the wet guy is a must. the way the water glistens on all their lines...?

star, the image of john and simon grinding against each other would have blown my little teenie mind if i had thought of it back in the day. (i can handle it now. barely. *grin*)

Anonymous said...

MJ, yes that's what I was thinking. They have to have been together before. At least in my imagination they have been.

sdock10 said...

Or just how they do something really sweet like kiss on the cheek or brush the hair off their face or give neck rubs to each other or put their hands on each others legs.....

ergoproxy said...

John was gorgeous

and yes I don't think teenie minds ,back in the day, were as broad as they are now.

( I remember Girls on Film being banned)

Smoke said...

2 other dudes? God, I don't know. One dude always remains the same. He could just have several different partners.

McCookie love is alWAYs nice.

sdock10 said...

Where the hell is Nik@nite?

Anyone seen her around tonight?

Anonymous said...

hi there squeak squeak. how are you? ^_^

toujours said...

i waffled back and forth between john and roger, actually.

my folks actually gave me the beta tape (lol) of girls on film, and they had no idea. the unrated, uncut version. never watched it with them in the room.

toujours said...

pretty good, actually, bc. ^.^
this is fun.

how are you doing?

Anonymous said...

good to hear squeak squeak. I'm doing pretty good. My flu is getting better, thank goodness. I never tried posting the "about me" scenario, so I think I am going to try that now...

Magic Pie said...

I see we're talking about DD again. *love* But alas, I cannot stay on longer.

But I will say that John Taylor WAS and still IS a hot lovely muffin.

ergoproxy said...

I was never big on Duran duran though.
I saw them live.

I liked Kiss,
Loved Ace in his sparkly cape, then they took their make up off!

Depicted in self destruction said...

hi everyone
just got back from the gig

sorry in advance if i say anything stupied, i think im still drunk, just a little though

Martha Smith-Jones said...

ergoproxy said...

John was gorgeous

What do you mean was. He still is in my book and Gerard could learn a thing or two from John

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello mp and br. I agree with you Mp on the muffiness of John.

Anonymous said...

I know this is Mayo's blog, so I'm gonna shut up about Duran Duran right after this.

Yeah, MJ, John Taylor cleaned up REAL GOOD. I daresay he looks hotter now than ever.
I read somewhere that Simon quit drinking, which would totally explain how his voice sounded better than I had ever heard him.

toujours said...

i haven't seen pictures of him lately, but the last time i spied mr. j. taylor, he was lovely.

ergoproxy said...

sorry MJ I haven't actually seen any recent pics of him.
I imagine he would age well, he had that look

I did like Nick though

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Now if John and Gerard would stop smoking. I have always wonder if DD Like MCR. One last dd thing who saw them on Good Morning America this morning.

ergoproxy said...

hi bitter revenge how was it?

Anonymous said...

No, I missed it. The kids I teach told me. I was sad that I missed it. They'll be on those ridiculous American Music Awards on Sunday, though.

MissTottenham said...

Argh! You have driven me away with the DD fest.

I am off to bed. Goodnight people, have a nice evening.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Miss T!
Goodnight!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Oh why can't MCR be there to. Than my dream might come true DD and MCR on the same stage together. Frank on one side John in the middle and Gerard on the other side.

Smoke said...

Duran Duran still makes me think of that creepy Farrah Fawcett movie.....but Simon and John were HAAAWWWTTTT! I was kinda little though when they were really big. Wasn't I, Luci? Now I'm not sure. Oh, well, shit.

I was going to marry Vince Neil or Sebastian Bach. Twisted.

Thank God that didn't work out for me.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Goodnight miss t

toujours said...

good night miss t. ^.^

ergoproxy said...

night missT

Anonymous said...

S&V20 said:
I was going to marry Vince Neil or Sebastian Bach. Twisted.

Thank God that didn't work out for me.



I am still in love with Slash.

sdock10 said...

Mayo, Mayo, Mayo,

How are you? Have you had fun reading tonight? Did we make you feel warm and tingly down there? Maybe a little? Sure we did...

Me? I'm stuck. Stuck and I have to figure out what I am going to do about it. I've lost something and I can't seem to get it back. Do you ever do that? Misplace feelings? Or bury them? Or kill them? I'm not sure where mine are, but I'm still looking. I won't give up just yet. It's just not in my nature to quit something. Oh well, I'll think about it more tomorrow.

Right now, I don't want to leave your house tonight. I am having too much fun with all my friends. I love it here. This is like the best place ever. Have I mentioned that before? I have. Well, it bears repeating again and again. This place is fucking special. Magic happens here. The real kind. Yes, I know it's BlogBelieve. But when I am here, I do believe in you, myself, and everyone here.

I left you some song lyrics today and probably some other rambling comments and thoughts. Just being my typical, manic sdock10 self. I know I don't expect anything less and neither should you. So I give it all away...every last fucking bit. Hopefully, some of it is decipherable and useful. You can throw the other shit away if you want. I hate unnecessary clutter. My mind is filled with that shit, but it's so funny because you have shit filed away that you think you are never going to use....and then a moment comes along and you suddenly have just the right words for it and you are like OH okay that's what I was saving that for. So I guess this place, and you, and my friends, and my blog, that's what I have been saving for. Pretty cool.

Ok, so I will shut up now. I hope this finds you right where you need to be with the one you want to be with. Remember the moment and make it count. And something else, We all take shit for granted. It wouldn't hold any meaning for us if we didn't.

Love to YOU Always,
s

p.s. Sitll very much about YOU

ergoproxy said...

slash!!

well he's not a rock star but Nigel Havers the british actor has been a crush of mine since my teens

ergoproxy said...

sdock you write so well

sdock10 said...

Gals, gals, gals

Thanks, Ergo.

My 3 sleepy pills are beginning to work their little magic and I am going to leave you for the night.

Don't talk too diry without me. Kapunua, please try not to vunch too many anons.

I still stand by my first turn on: Shitty ass rock dudes in shitty ass rock bands. I would have married Phil Lewis from LA Guns in a heartbeat....YUM YUM.

Love ya'll,
S

p.s. Still very much about all of us too.

Vivienne said...

I missed an orgy!
Bloody typical!

Anonymous said...

About me:

Enjoys: The smell of the air after when it rains, peering at the pale glistening of the moon and twinkling of the stars, dogs, traveling, discovering new places, enjoying the fact that I sometimes see many species of animals scurrying throughout my backyard, rock concerts, Barnes and Noble, Starbucks, hot chocolate, chamomile tea, reading, comic books, my Ipod, my guitar, video games, my Nintendo DS, just being myself, Chicago, my friends of course, Guitar World, Revolver, Metal Edge magazines, being a homebody, family gatherings, especially Thanksgiving and Christmas, coffeeshops( I love the smell when I go inside one and the coziness)

In those rare moments I can sympathize with someone, if they are suffering through hardships, or anything else, but I suppose that is what makes people wondeful at times. I can also be really argumentive and defensive, which is why at some point, I wanted to become a lawyer.

Honestly, my worst traits are stubborness and lack of patience. I had others constantly tell me how stubborn I am. But I do like to defend others when they are in trouble. I have a protective side.


As for what I noticed and like about men: The eyes catch my eye first, but also their smile. Sense of humor, a great personality, and a great heart are definitely important and they have to not be afraid of being themselves. Pretending to be someone you are not is a big no no.
Someone who can be strong, yet sensitive.




Yeah, I should have posted this a long time ago ^_^

toujours said...

good night sdock. sweet dreams, yes?

Anonymous said...

Take care and sweet dreams Miss T, sd10.

Smoke said...

TBH, I still think Nikki Sixx is one of the sexiest men of all time. Something about the way he talks and his hair (ya'll know how I love hair).

Yeah, I love Nikki Sixx. Heroin Diaries and all.

Well, I'm off to bed now. K, Sdock, where did ya'll go?

SS,

Still hope you're doing ok. We haven't heard from you in a while.

Mayo,

Just checkin in on you. Join us next time, will ya? It would be fun. I promise. Okay? Okay. It's settled then.

Night everyone!

XOXO,
Princess

Vivienne said...

Lovely BC!

Hi everyone!
And goodbye to those who are leaving!
xoxo

Anonymous said...

PHIL LEWIS OMG. My cousin crushed on him so hard. I remember that dude.

Hey, that was a cool band. Hollywood Vampires was a great album for its time. ^_^

Anonymous said...

Sleep tight princess smoke. Thank you cupcakes. How are you? People said no more lies, so I might as well expose my ugly side too ^_^
muhahaha

ergoproxy said...

night Sdock, night S&V

hi cupcake

toujours said...

good night, smoke&venom. it was fun!

Vivienne said...

I'm feeling awful to be honest BC!
But how are you?

Anonymous said...

Ha ha did I just say cupcakes? I mean cupcake lol

Anonymous said...

How come cupcake? Is there anything wrong? I'm doing okay. My flu is getting better, thank goodness.

ergoproxy said...

aw cupcake was it the conversation you had to have last night.
didn't go well?

JocelynHolly said...

Hey Everyone!! *HUG*

Nice to come back to a lot of comments!! Really, it is! =]

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Goodnight S&V and SD10. Hello Cupcake

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Ph

toujours said...

hi paperheartxx.

you're...you're not going to jump me, are you?

ergoproxy said...

*HUG* PH nice to virtually see you!

Anonymous said...

hi there teddy bear. How are you? *hugs*

JocelynHolly said...

Hey Martha, Toujours, Ergo, and BC! *HUG*

Nice to see you all as well!

How are we tonight?

JocelynHolly said...

Nope TJ, we'll save that for later on!

Vivienne said...

It's my boyfriend.
It's so complicated I don't know how to explain, even though I really want to.
The thing is, we haven't had sex yet, he thinks it's because I'm shy.
It's not, I just don't find him sexually attractive, though I love every other bit of him.
And he's so sure of me and what i need.
Usually he's right, but he thinks I'm trying to sabotage us because I'm some poor self destructive girl who he refuses to give up on.
But it's not that, I just don't love him like that, but I feel it's too late to turn back, and he's so stubborn in his beliefs I feel like I'm about to scream "I don't love you!" in his face.
But I cant.
He's been broken so many times, abandoned.
He always says how lucky he is to have someone as beautiful as me love him.
He's not lucky, he'd be better off without me.

did any of that make sense?

Vivienne said...

Hi paperheart, MJ!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Oh dear cupcake. shit I don't know what to say.

Anonymous said...

I am doing good paperheart. How about you? Cupcake, I think I understand. Even if at one point it may hurt his feelings, I think you should tell him up front about how you truly feel, because lying in the long run may hurt him much worse.

JocelynHolly said...

Hey Cupcake! *HUG*

Regarding your boyfriend, don't do anything you don't want to do. No matter what he says.

JocelynHolly said...

BC, I am good. Very tired.

Anonymous said...

That is just my shitty advice, not sure if you want to take it ^_^

Anonymous said...

Good to hear paperheart.

toujours said...

Nope TJ, we'll save that for later on!

paperheartxx, should i be winking?

cupcake, that sounds like a very difficult situation. what does your gut tell you to do?

Vivienne said...

It's good advice guys.
I'm just so worried I'll loose him.
He really only wants to make me happy.
I think that in itself can be unsettling.

JocelynHolly said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JocelynHolly said...

Yuep.

Do I see that I missed a little party here tonight?!
Darn! There is always next time!

Vivienne said...

TJ, My gut says 'hide under the bed'... no really.
My gut sucks... oh that sounded weird.

JocelynHolly said...

^^sorry, double comment.

Cupcake, I understand. It is pretty scary to think you may lose him. But if he has the same feelings for you that you do for him, he will understand your decision, and respect it.

JocelynHolly said...

paperheartxx, should i be winking?

TJ, you don't even know how loud I laughed!

ergoproxy said...

100% clarity cupcake

it's an awful position to be in, but you cannot help your feelings and by the same token neither can he.
But it isn't a good idea to go along with it out of pity for him or worrying if he'll feel bad.
The truth is he will and so will you if you break it off now, or if you break it off further down the road.
Because if you don't feel that way and you don't think you ever will it will break down sooner or later.
You sound like you are starting to resent him feeling he knows what is right for you and that cannot be good.
If you know you don't love him that way you need to tell him. Though perhaps not by screaming in his face.

but you probabbly already know all that.

Amyranth said...

Cupcake - Last thing you want is to prolong this to the point where when the relationship does break down, he thinks you're nothing but a cunt for leading him on all this time.

You cannot make a relationship like this last. If you do, you'll both end up miserable.

And BTW, if he's worried about you not sleeping with him, hook him with the "I thought you loved me for my mind, not my body" line. Because guaranteed, he's doing all that shit just to get into your pants.

-Amyranth is exceptionally smart after a nice, hot bowl of pasta.

toujours said...

your gut sucks? ^.^

it's just that i find my instincts will tell me how i really feel about a situation, and then that helps me to know what action to take.

Amyranth said...

Ergoproxy, have you been eating pasta too?

-Amyranth

toujours said...

TJ, you don't even know how loud I laughed!

:D

Anonymous said...

Well, I hate to say this, but if he truly cares about you, he should know better than to not pressure you into doing anything you don't want to do, even if it wasn't his intention.
I agree with Ergo and Amy on this.

Vivienne said...

The thing is, he'd never pressure me into sex. That caring bastard would wait forever. He just keeps saying things that make me gag... because I cant think of him as a lover.
And I am a cunt.
But I'm going to try and be truthful now.
Thanks guys, and I'm sorry to dump on you, I just seem to keep digging myself into holes.
It's time to get out.

Amyranth said...

Tell him you're an internet lesbian.

I'm your girlfriend.

-Amyranth

Anonymous said...

No need to apologize cupcake. If you can't think of him as a lover, then tell him the truth. It may hurt him at first, but it is better than lying to him in the long run, but it doesn't make you a cunt whatsoever. Good luck cupcake

Vivienne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JocelynHolly said...

Tell him you're an internet lesbian.

I'm your girlfriend.


AHHH LMFAO!! =D

Amyranth, you rock my invisible socks!

Cupcake, I'd offer more advice, but frankly, I have like no experience in that area.

ergoproxy said...

I haven't Amyranth !
But I will be having lasagne for dinner.


Cupcake I think everyone has been there in some way or another, with a boyfriend or even a friend.
if the feeing isn't there it isn't there.
Plus as Amy said, guys can say a lot to try and wheedle you around
I'm sure he's tougher than you think

Vivienne said...

Oh Amyranth, what a splendid idea only he knows I'm bi curios (another thing you didn't know about me, and now do), and we have an open relationship.
It wouldn't deter him.
When I say open, it's more that he says I can see other people, but I must tell him.

And guys, your advice is great, I will TRY and follow it!
XD

Anonymous said...

Lol, Amy XD

Paperheart, what happened to teaching the ways of the Hug Fu? :)

toujours said...

i think going with the truth is probably the best, cupcake.

ergoproxy said...

cupcake you are NOT !!!

you cannot help how you feel, and you can't lie to yourself or him.

He may get really upset so brace yourself, but if he loves you he'll come to understand

JocelynHolly said...

Trying is good enough Cupcake!<3

Original Punk J said...

To all,

This entire week has been one disappointment after another, and I don't need to elaborate as to why.

People we thought we're our friends turned out to be amazingly good secret keepers, until the truth was brought to our attention.

We we're hurt, angry, appalled, more emotions than I care to count. And the worst part, at least for us, was that no one involved seemed to really understand the TRUE meaning of why we we're so upset.

If anyone ran across the other blog and knew about it, kept it to themselves and didn't post or stay, that would have been fine. No problem with that. But it was the fact that people stayed and posted, for over a month, with no regards to how their "friends" would feel, and that was clear from the comments left on that blog.

Many have used the excuse, "I tried to tell you!" in the LAST COUPLE OF DAYS before it became known. This is not an excuse. The damage was not that we missed the "clues" or the "e-mails", but by the actions already taken.

We have been told to just forget about it, to let it go, and we wanted to. We genuinely care about a lot of people on that blog, and thought they cared even a little bit for us.

Oh, how wrong we were.

We are not holding a grudge, we are just not so willing to forget in the blink of an eye. Trust takes a long time to build, and it doesn't happen in one or two days. Yet we have been shunned ourselves for taking the stance we have, even though our only stance was to ignore the people involved and yes, we raked Bleeding Chaos over the coals. For several reasons. Not only did she lie to all of us, but she even tried to pin the blame on SS for giving out the link. Anything to make herself look like an innocent victim in all of this.

Mayo is to blame too, don't get me wrong. And he knows that. But others are not taking any responsibility, and demanding we move on.

So now, no one, save for a very few, will even speak to us. But they have welcomed the others back into the fold with open arms, and lovey-doveyness. We have read comments on several blogs and found instances where people who told us they cared for us and agreed with us told the other person that they just could not believe how we were treating them.

We have never fit in, and we know why. We won't change our principles for anyone, and if you stab us and people we considered friends in the back, well, it's going to be a while before we even think about trusting you again.

But we are not allowed this. We didn't fall in line with the others. So now, here we are again, back at the same spot we were originally, with no one talking to us and us posting only to Mayo and SS.

We're used to this, but no one should be. We have always tried to remain positive and give everyone the benefit of the doubt and trust people. It is only when that trust is broken that we cannot blindly go along and pretend nothing is wrong. We used to, but we finally realized we had to do what was right, not what was expected. And if people want to shun us, hate us, or talk about us, that is fine. As I said, we are used to it.

But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. J. actually cried tonight (and still is) when she saw a comment Paperheartxx left on the the blog of one of the secret keepers. It was a completely different tone than the ones she left for us. We always loved her, and thought she did us too. We are finding out many things we never knew.

It's ok, though, everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and that is just how it is. This is the internet, and just because we mean what we say does not mean anyone else does. That is real life. As Dennis Leary says, "Life's rough, get a helmet." And a very tough skin.

We made promises to keep posting to Mayo and SS, and we will continue to do so. We know we are not welcome by a large number of people, so we won't stay long on the blog, just long enough to say our bit and leave. It's better this way. We are not walking away. The reasons we came here are still intact. Our hearts may be broken, but we learned to pick up the pieces and glue them back together long ago.

L and J

JocelynHolly said...

Lol. BC i could never forget the teachings of Hug Fu.
But in this case, they may not do much.=]

*HUG* for everyone!

Amyranth said...

Cupcake I think everyone has been there in some way or another, with a boyfriend or even a friend.
if the feeing isn't there it isn't there.
Plus as Amy said, guys can say a lot to try and wheedle you around


Indeed. Last thing you want is for him to go all crazy on you and try to rape you because he doesn't think he's getting what he wants out of the relationship. It HAS happened before.

-Amyranth

Anonymous said...

I think people are getting sick of hearing the lecture.

ergoproxy said...

hey try this it's really cool

http://www.paulsadowski.com/BirthDay.asp

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Op L&J hello and I don't know what to say about your post.

You should do what you feel. And no one should blame you for that. If I have ignored you I'm sorry and it wasn't intentional. I am still your friend.

Vivienne said...

Hi L and J.
Guys, I am biting the bullet.

JocelynHolly said...

OP J and L,

I never meant to have upset you guys. I am soo sorry that I made you cry. I feel sympathy for the 'secret keepers' because of the shunning that they recently received. I never EVER in a million years would want to upset either one of you, or anyone else for that matter.

Really, I truly am sorry.

*HUG*

toujours said...

l. and j.,
i miss you guys. i don't know how you feel about me, but it seems like i might be on the other side of a line you've drawn.

i don't want to be. i liked the women i was getting to know before this all happened. i'd like to continue to get to know them.

if i say "hi" to you tomorrow, will you say "hi" back? if i ask you to email me, so we can clear the air between us, will you?

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