It was written from another’s perspective. A recollection of a conversation turned first person. Expensive, anti-climactic words ringing in my ears with an unrelenting need to, once again, find voice. In reverse, they became a bit of guilt unfurled to reveal how my selfish needs superseded best interest. Recall that I held on too long, to that room, to that moment.
“Just say it, say it already”
“I don’t.”
As painful as it may have been to hear it rephrased in that manner, I never meant to be cruel. And now, when the melody of the moment presents itself, I am reminded to never again make that mistake. Although ironically, it was only after repeated cost that it became my lesson. I hope it has become yours, as well.
p.s. volumes like breadcrumbs lead back.
Friday, September 12, 2008
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«Oldest ‹Older 1401 – 1600 of 5657 Newer› Newest»Anonymous said...
You know I told the truth, Kapunua.
September 14, 2008 12:58 PM
The majority of people know you told the truth. We've all talked to people in on some of those AIM convos. She's hurt so many. We've all seen it. She cannot be trusted. Careful.
O_O
*averts eyes to avoid shock*
thanks katherine
well hope your live settles down
I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone was here when I started undressing.
*opens closet*
This bathrobe smells kinda funky.... and it has little hamster clowns singing on it.
well, I guess it will have to do.
Now where did he hide those ashtrays? I hope he didn't throw them out. I wanna be bad and smoke in the baff.
Thank you, I wish the same for you as well.
Mayo doesn't have too much in the way of food but I have some tea. Would you like me to put water on before I jump in?
There may be enough room for both of us but I'm not saying that to be creepy. Maybe I could find a swimsuit. He's a whorish type of fellow.
*checks drawers beside Tv cabinet*
here you go!
I remember we put one in here after the last pillow fight, so it wouldn't get damaged
you need anything else?
candles? food? book?
Hello everyone,
*Rib crunching hugs*
I just wanted to let you all know I'm ok,and I wrote a new blog which will hopefully answer any questions.
I've missed you all, Mayo, SS, and everyone.
xoxo cupcake
CUPCAKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so glad to hear from you!
I'll have a look at your blog right now
Hmm, candles may be nice Ergo. What would you like?
Hi, Cupcake. I'm glad you are doing alright. I haven't seen you in months.
Hi guys ^_^
It has been ages,hasn't it?
Yes, it has.
I am glad you back. I know what those places are like. I am so happy to see that you have come back stronger and happier.
I'm so glad you're feeling better, I'm just posting a comment at your blog
Thank you, it really is good to be back.
Thank you Ergo.
the AIM cunts gave Kapu away!!! FUNNY
Cupcake!!!
It's so good to good you *tackle hugs*
I read your blog(I'll leave a comment in a bit) and I'm glad that you're hanging in there.
Hi Ergo, Katherine, anyone else about.
Attack Kapunua time!
LOL whoever the other anons are I hope they fucking RUIN HER!! I just want to see it!
Talentless cunt!
I think all of you don't take enough bubble baths. Honestly. Hey, BC.
BC, it's lovely to see you. *hugs*
hi BC how are you today?
anons can you give it a rest please, just for maybe an hour, so we can talk to cupcake again?
hi BC how are you today?
anons can you give it a rest please, just for maybe an hour, so we can talk to cupcake again?
or maybe not say it at all?
GV/Mayo you obviously don't know what a whore this cunt is. She obviously hurt someone on here bad enough or has some shit on someone here that she is holding over their head! See how funny it is when she does it to you or has she already?
anons can you give it a rest please, just for maybe an hour, so we can talk to cupcake again?
How about just stop completely? Now there's a thought.
Cupcake,
I'm glad you are doing okay. It's good to see you!
Katherine,
You too! It's good to see you back around here. ^_^
The Return Of The SHIRT
Anons, don't you ever get tired of attacking the same person? It's the weekend. Go out and party, or something.
I'm here just for a minute.
I'm watching this show called Bridezilla, and there's a couple of brides-to-be that I wouldn't mind bitchslapping till next Tuesday(I know it's a reality show, but they're annoying)
I hope you guys are well. I'll be back later. Take care.
well stopping it completely seems to be out of their capabilities, however that would certainly be ideal
Hi Ergo. I'm okay, thanks. Just lounging around like a motionless starfish ^_^
I hope you're well?
The rumor is the other guy is (fucking lame names)Kittie's boyfriend and the dark haired girl is Steve's girlfriend.
The red head is Jimmy's wife, so it could be very true. All the significant others being just that.
Hi Smoke ^_^
See you soon BC!
Smoke better watch her back she is probably next on Kapunua's list.
smoke better watch her back, cos i am gonna kidnap her on friday, jyules better watch her back cos i will pull her tongue when she licks us.
Now, are you going to watch your back?
Well, see but I explained this earlier, Anon. I've never said anything that I would be worried about someone using against me.
And plus, I ♥ her.
End of story.
I have no worries. It's all good.
The use of the word 'cunt' automatically negates anything these nasty anons have to say.
Why do I feel a little more disappointed seeing him not let up?
When I didn't think I could get more disappointed?
cupcake hows the weather down there? we are heading up to Darwin so it'll be hot as!
It is all good, in't?
Hi everybuddy.
:-D
♥ you guys, too.
I'm sorry they keep coming back but what can ya do. :/
true 8:58, in my opinion that goes for anyone who says it, but thats me.
♥♥
8:58, too right. If only it could negate John McCain's run for presidency as well.
hi anon
:)
Well Ergo, it's still pretty bloody cold down here, but sometimes there is a hint of summer breeze.
It's lovely.
What are you doing in Darwin hun?
Hello Anon.
Here's an old fashioned heart, because I'm not high tech.
<3
If you are offended by the word cunt that means you probably are one
coming from a grin so wide that it gets lodged up the arse you kiss? yeh, nice come back.
Oh and you never answered my question?
Hi Ergoproxy, Cupcake, and ^____^
:)
*realized fell asleep in bubble bath*
So many visitors now. Hi, FS, Kapunua, various cute anons.
I love that one anons' face.
I'm gonna see if I can imitate it.
^___^
Am I close?
Ooooohhhh zing!
Hey Cupcake, good to have you back. :)
Fimble Starry Eyed Surprise ♥
Hi sad about Gerard here!
:( ignored.
Katherine, you could have drowndeded!
Damn, I almost forgot:
*waves to James*
*blows him a kiss*
*waves to semaj*
:)
Hello gv.
And there was some anon earlier talking about how Kapunua will destroy my life?
I'm sorry.... She already has.
My heart will never mend from the fissures she's created!
Hi Fimble Star.
:)
An oldfashioned heart for Cupcake.
<3
Hi 9:09
:)
and here is ♪ for you because it is a sunday night.
James Dewees is on here now as well? You is so awesome!
Hey, smoke. I was being nosy and asking your sis about ya earlier today.
I knows, Kapunua! Only you guys bouncing around in the living room saved me.
CC we are visiting a friend who works and lives up there, will be touring about looking at the sights, have a boat for a daytrip up the river, go to Kakadu..anything we like really
it's lovely and warm here in the day but nights are still real cold
Oh, I'm so sorry about the fissures! ♥
I can't help it... Your wicked beauty.
Emphasis on the wicked of course, you scheming fiend, Jules.
hi sad about gerard
Well how were you to know there was a party goin' on? You were a-splishin and a-splashin!
Thank you Fimble Star.
Thank you for the heart Cupcake.
Thank you for the hello Ergoproxy and Katherine Indovina.
Hi everybuddy else that came in.
'Nite everybuddy.
:)
If only his house had a jacuzzi... Then we could all relax in sudsy water.
Wonder if he left his credit card around... I'm sure he wouldn't mind if we ordered one and had it delivered. He could get in as well.
goodnight anon sweet dreams
goodnight 9:13
Sweet dreams.
A jacuzzi! Niiiice!
Bye anon!
I was out dancing at this club called Vertex for a few hours nonstop last night.
And the only thing sore is my neck, actually. Didn't set in till about half an hour ago. Ack. Maybe I will order that jacuzzi.
Hello Kapunua, and thank you.
Nightie night, 9:13. I hope you get tucked in warm and tight.
KI I happent o have access to the *cough cough* and will have Jacuzzi delivered by the extra speedy firm "Jacuzzi-2-door"
Oh, okay! Let me see if he's got any pajamas my size. This bathrobe's funk is starting to get to me.
Don't want to put deliverymen into shock....
Sounds good Ergo, I can't wait to go on a holiday of my won again. Melbourne I think...
Anyway, I should get going, hopefully I'll return soon and stay for longer.
Take care everyone.
Yes, everyone.
xoxo cupcake
bye cupcake enjoy the rest of the day
♥
bye, cupcake. It was lovely seeing you well again.
am i the only one who thought the jimmy urine and the muppet sex video hilarious? i can't be.
mrr?
I haven't seen said video and am really not sure I want to.
he had sex with a muppet?
that would damage my psyche for sure
What is this now? I guess I'll waste this moment of my life looking it up.
am i the only one who thought the jimmy urine and the muppet sex video hilarious? i can't be.
I thought it was pretty fucking funny too, but I couldn't help but feel really sorry for Chantal. After all, she has to look at that face when they're actually doing it. D:
Alrightie. I think I am falling asleep for real now. Good night, Blogbelievers.
I hope you have a sensuously awesome week.
Warning. This could scar you for life.
*looks at link*
*is afraid to click*
Why? I mean, seriously. Why?
Jimmy Urine killed the blog. :(
Mayo,
Night, dude! Hope Sunday was especially sweet for you.
Mine ended up tasting like ice cold orange Crystal light, which is kind of like highly concentrated Tang, which kicked ass.
Just sayin...
Love to YOU Always
S
p.s. Squeeze the day!
BlogBelieve,
Have a great night/evening/day!
Catch you guys on Monday when it's an almost guarantee that I will be bitching about something.
Mwah! Mwah!
Katherine,
Great to read you again! I've missed you!
Cupcake,
I'm glad things are looking sweeter and happier for you!
Still missing...Anima, PH, PPU, MissT, Sister Midnite, Star, Jennicula
*waves to James*
Did I mention that V Train is now my favorite song?
Jimmy Urine just killed my sex drive.:(
Bwah! That ^ made me laugh.
Night, guys!
Goodnight, Mayo! Goodnight, SS! I hope everyone has a great tomorrow!
SS,
Yeah, I'd jump into the Nutella for ya. No doubt about it, my friend.
My sister, on the other hand, I'm betting she would stand there and tell you to "Dog Paddle, SS! Tread Nutella!"
Just kidding, she'd at least throw you some Toast of Salvation.
Maybe that should be Toast of Salivation.
Anyways, you know we wouldn't leave you way out there in the swamp by yourself.
Take care!
Jimmy Urine just turned me into a lesbian. :/
at least Jimmy was banging a muppet Chantal and not Elmo.
Ew. What a disgusting little man.
Okay, so I'm one of the "I saw Pete's Peen and Lived Club", but I'm not sure I will survive this.
:(
i still think it's hilarious.
i enjoyed the video much more than i enjoyed pete's peen shots.
;-)
goodnight mustard smoke and sdock sweet dreams
I just had a fight with my computer and I think now is a good time to have lunch , I'm STARVING!!!!
Anyone about?
just me, 10:36. it's seems jimmy's sex tape made ergoproxy hungry. sex does that sometimes..
;-)
It's almost time and I am glad its quiet right now. Maybe someone got taught a lesson..... hmmm...
good night happy cunt face! :)
And your poem and art were shit.
Who did she drive away that has you so pissed? Maybe we could get them back. This blog isn't about her anyway.
hello blogbelieve and blgbelieve anons. :)
so, today was my day to spend lollygagging on the computer if i liked...but hurricane ike had other ideas. the remnants of the hurricane hit us with a windstorm this morning, knocking down trees, knocking out the power, and subsequently, knocking me off the internet! the nerve!!
i only had to time to write an email, and was just getting caught up here, and wham! spent the entire day sans electricity. *sigh*
but it's back, and i'm caught up, and now it seems it's just me and anons....?
oh, and i just read over at lj that at tonight's reggie/leathermouth show (is there one tonight? i've lost track) ray toro took the stage during leathermouth. this via a stunned text msg to the individual's lj, so there you go.
thought i'd pass that tidbit along. :)
so what's shakin?
The people who were a threat to her being the center of attention. I won't name them because she'd start shit. Check old posts and you'll notice them. People liked them so she annoyed them until they left.
I must admit that I looked at the muppet sex tape and chuckled a bit. I just really don't take such things seriously.
Art and poems are hard to judge so I'll leave that out. Some of her poems were ok in my opinion.The thing is how she treats people. She's the biggest back stabber on these blogs. She really is "fake" in so many ways.
I will make an example. An "old friend" posted the other day and she acted like she missed her. Months ago she asked for that persons profile and got it on her blog. If she didn't contact her then, why act like she misses her to her face? She blew her off this last time too, look for yourself.
Do you want proof of the nasty things she says on AIM too? I will give examples. Those people can get mad, it's worth it.
hey carrie. fortunately, i didn't have to try to decide to look at it or not -- can't watch videos on this computer.
didn't sound like anything i needed in my head, though.
pic of Mikey and Alicia at the Leathermouth New Jersey show.
www.mychemicalfreak.com
Yeah TJ, I'm not saying it was something I will treasure, that's for sure. :}
The trollers take on so many guises, don't they?
What will they try and rile us up about next?
-fellow troll-
Aw man, pick on me!
But probably not a good choice, I don't think I could rally support and all that, it might be boring.
I can't Carrie. I only ever saw one side of you.
if i could erase it from your mind for you, i would, carrie. :)
so, how was your weekend?
K and all of her friends keep asking Mayo to go on AIM with them so they can talk shit about everyone behind their backs to Mayo.
Oh, but it's mean and evil and stuff, right? Wait, no, I was all mean and went off on K, but now I talk to her again, you could totally go off on that with my two facedness. I'm sorry in some ways for my sarcasm, but I do really think it's sad that "we" (as in the blog) seem to constantly tear each other apart.
My weekend was very boring, Tj. We are getting hurricane remnants, so it poured down rain the whole time. So far the basement hasn't flooded though, so that's cool. And I did go to Pier 1, my favorite store in the universe. What did you get up to?
I'm not attacking her. I'm proving what she's like so other people aren't hurt by her games. She shouldn't have the right to attack people and get away with it.
Ooooo, a new troll to toy with. have you seen mr. troll, new troll? i enjoyed playing with him yesterday morning.
i warn you, i am prepared to defend carrie at all costs.
Aw man, I got a defendy anon? I blush.
hurricane remnants here, too, carrie. no electricity for 11 hours today...fun!
does anyone else think Alicia looks preggers in that pic?
And honestly, K don't be playing the games. What you get is what you get, straight up. Or at least I think so.
you are lovely when you blush, carrie. you should blush more often.
Damn, TJ, you make me feel all shallow for bitching about my satellite reception today!
But carrie is a sweet gooshy cute thing. Why would I want to attack her, 11:34?
I guess I could pretend to so you can feed a superhero thing you got going and I can feed my evil bad person fetish....
I do that a lot anon, for I feel like a dumbass on a daily basis, there's always something.
ah sorry anon 10:43 got that wrong, I haven't seen it and don't want to.
the fact I hadn't eaten in 6 hours made me hungry
Hi Tj and Carrie
and hi anons
now TJ what is this you say about Ray "majik fingerz" Toro and on stage with Leathermouth?
Oh ha, you guys should totally check my blog, it's all superhero and evil villain stuff tonight, no lie.
i am no superhero. i just like toying with trolls. you did say you were one. i thought you had come to play. trolls get me sexcited
and
i, too, like carrie.
Hi Ergo!!! My husband has FINALLY figured out who you are when I mention you in casual conversation. He was all like "Australian chick, right?" today and proud of himself. I didn't have the heart to tell him Cupcake is from Australia too, it would have just confused him.
11:37 no I don't think she does at all
Yes, I am a troll by nature, unfortunately.
Hmm. Okay. What to be mean and hypercritical about?
Sorry, I'm not gonna attack Ergo, Toujours or Carrie. Too adorable and squishy.
hi, ergo! that's all i know, i swear! but i'm sure pics will surface eventually. :)
(i knew you would be interested! *grin*)
OMG Gerard Way now totally sucks because he dared to have fun with his hair and experiment. It obviously means he's whipped and a cokehead and he has no more talent or an iota of the perfect angel I thought he was. AGH.
Did that get you riled up?
aw Carrie I'm chuffed he remembered :)
i don't think i've ever been "squishy" before.
huh.
i agree with you, 11;42. you're no troll. you're too adorable and squishy and your taste is exquisite.
i will come back when that trouble making mr troll is around.
goodnite adorable, squishy bloggers and nice troll.
Nah, not riled, but I do hate that hair, for real.
thanks anon, I shall be especially adorable and squishy just for you
TJ if you locate said pics I expect immediate linkage ;)
goodnight anon sweet dreams
Although there's nothing to say that I also have another side that loves to make other not-so-nice people cry and shudder with dirty amusement at their pain, hypocrite that I am.
And no, I'm not even noble enough to fancy myself an avengeful anon when I do that.
I simply take pleasure in making mean people suffer which puts me squarely in their ranks.
I couldn't even tell you how I got to be so gross.
i wonder if Gerard will leave MSI's train wreck of a tour and go see Reggie and Leathermouth and support his real friends for once.
Anons who call names, anons who make things up, people who seem to have a grievance but won't sign in or email, ah well. You are all silly and your agenda is the same. But honestly, if you have a huge beef with me "getting attention" then you kinda have your little selves to blame.
Hiya TJ, Ergo and Carrie. I just signed in to say some good nights before hitting the hay! I have watched my X Files and am read for a little Dragonlance before bed
But goodnite, 11:46. Pleasant dreams I wish to you.
Night K, Dragonlance?
I wonder if anyone is left unchanged by material success.
Ergo, completed (mostly) my Muse collection. See, that's what is cool about this place, I can guarandamntee you I never would have heard of Muse if I hadn't been hanging here. At any rate, mucho enjoyment.
A few years ago I was going with this guy who was obsessed with Dragonlance and his favorite character was Raistlin. I thought for quite a while that he was going to be The Dude, actually.
It ends up that I loved the books, and Raistlin Majere, way more than that guy. ^_^
goodnight K sleep as you feel fits your idiom
Anon, I would like to say that I wouldn't be, but then, hey, easy to say without said success. I get more upset these days about John Mayer being a douchebag than anything that is going on with Gerard. I admit that's a bit of a digression, though.
11:51, I'd really love to be tested. ;)
And, honestly, what is the definition of a real friend?
Everyone we call a friend is because they provide us with something that is pleasurable.
I am listening to MUSE as we speak Carrie
& I'm saving my new shirt specially to wear for the first time on holiday
I can't wait to hear some new stuff from them
hey there kapunua. have a good night, and a good trip!
ergo, linkage of pics will be my utmost priority. ;)
Shoots, I just remembered that they were doing a Dragonlance movie with Kiefer Sutherland as Raistlin and I got all psyched. But the movie is already finished and I just saw the trailer, and I hate the way they animated Raistlin. >_<
I still think Stockholm Syndrome is my fave, so far I haven't heard anything to beat it.
Thank you, TJ!
The myth of altruism must come to an end. Everyone we love we love because their particular traits create a flow of oxytocin, dopamine and serotonin in our brains when exposed to them.
I personally don't think that makes love less real or less magical, but on this bodily level that is how we experience it.
( I shoulda become a preacher)
I can buy that an itty itty bit, but sustained stuff is a bit harder.
And I looked up Dragonlance, and I think my little brother had a bunch of those novels.
Stockholm Syndrome is the MAD NOTES.
In other news, I sincerely hate when I am utterly alone in the house and there are no dogs or birds on which to blame random, repeated noises.
no one really does anything unless they experience something positive from it (given also that positive can become very warped by abuse etc)
Well, I have every novel that has Raistlin in it. I know there are tons more but I never bothered with those. A few years ago I cosplayed Raistlin, actually, with contact lenses and everything. That was a problem for the guy I was with because he ended up being really homophobic (which I didn't know when I took up with him,) and we argued over me cross-playing, that is, dressing like a male character. He thought it might make him less manly to be seen with me.
OMG Kapunua. I'm glad you dumped the guy. That sort of thing triggers the worst in me.
carrie can you turn the lights off where you are so the screen is the only light?
Homophobia is gay. :) But I have to admit that I do have more trouble than I thought I would dealing with it. It's a bit death of a dream thing, you know?
hahahaha that sounds really creepy , sorry not meant that way
12:05, it was crazy how it all came out of him all of a sudden. I will never forget that day because everything was going great, and then we passed the Native reservation and he started in on how he hated Native Americans. (HI, DICK!) Then while my jaw was on the
Yes, Ergo, are you gonna send me the big scary robots? :) Which actually I watched in the bathroom last time.
no this is Stockholm Syndrome tour visual
it was mindblowing at the concert, so really loud and in the dark with it on full screen gives you a teeny idea of what it's like (add a whole crowd all jumping along and singing and it'd be perfect)
I think maybe I'm not going to bed tonight. Well, for a while maybe.
I've never understood the deal with homophobia, I cannot see why it makes a difference to people.
and Carrie the robots are still the total coolest, I have one shirt with one on
Anyway to continue the story, he ended up telling me that he hated gays and that no children of ours would ever be allowed around homosexuals, and he also hated the French and Germans (and my best friend is from Berlin) and he said that the world would be better if Bush was a dictator (like Bush always said himself,) and that we should "steamroll" the entire middle east.
No joke.
We broke up right after that.
This was in 2004 and it made me narrow my dating criteria to a teeny margin, tbh.
Hey everyone
WOO HOO ERGO!! Thank you, that was mucho cool, and thank goodness I'm not epileptic.
Oh yeah, and his name was Lancelot.
ew K what an ass
better off without him
hi BC
yeah, K, um, good choice. Holy crap.
And hey BC!
carrie I think the concert came with a warning
it was pretty much "OH MY GOD THE LIGHTS!!!!"
Yeah, totally!
Right, well I am feeling a bit more at east now. I might go to bed. I'll just leave the lights on.
You know, so that the killers don't trip over anything.
Yeah, for real! I am so thankful to this blog (as is my GAY daughter) for turning us on to Muse. And yeah, about the whole gay thing. It's so much easier if it's not happening to you. I used to think I would be the totally cool mom, oh, cool, whatever, and then it happened. It's not so much that she's gay, it's that now I have a whole other list of things to worry about I didn't before. And I see things in myself that I don't like. It's just so much harder to deal with than you think it will be when you see it on a Lifetime Movie.
East, or ease? Cuz, you know, in Long Island, you're kinda always in the East.
you'll be fine, kapunua. :)
sweet non-homicidal dreams!
hello bc!
LOL! Well, at ease in the east.
You're right, TJ. Pink bubble!
Anonymous said...
And your poem and art were shit.
September 14, 2008 10:55 PM
Carrie said...
I must admit that I looked at the muppet sex tape and chuckled a bit. I just really don't take such things seriously.
September 14, 2008 11:19 PM
Noone else noticed the black turn blue? Oh well.
Oh duh, that's right, you're flying tomorrow! I will get my travel candle out, haven't had to burn it lately, Terry doesn't take too many work trips anymore.
Well Carrie, I guess I can't imagine it and I think I would worry about certain things if it was my kid as well. Mostly that their life probably wouldn't be as easy in this culture. That someone might be hateful towards them or discriminatory and such. I guess it must make it that much harder.
Oh, is that my own troll? :) If I could make a html heart for you, I would.
ugly les
Thanks! I'm not worried about tomorrow so much as the random crazy noises I was hearing in my own house before. It freaked me a little. I have my stupid sword by my side.
& hearts ; without the spaces. :)
That is what is going on in my mind exactly, I'm just worried about how much harder it is going to be for her. So far I think she's been a little sheltered, and she just doesn't get the ugliness that's out there.
and then I have a frustration level with a husband who won't tell his parents.
i like the darkness. especially when i'm alone. i find it....
serene.
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