Upon arrival, there isn’t nearly enough air to fill my lungs, so in desperation, I scream. Pulling in all that I can because suddenly I feel empty. The comfortable heavy warmth in my chest has been displaced by vacuum. I have no control over where I am. My arms and legs, unbound, find freedom a challenge. And, although I feel hands pulling and fingers pressing, I have no idea why. It is cold. So, I reach for warmth and I find it in purity. I know where I came from; I did not want to leave and with grief comes depth and in the deep I find surrender. It was warm and I swam in it before I knew you. I would go back, but that was before I saw your eyes, before I was pulled into this world and onto your lap a sloppy mess. I need you and without you I am sure I would not thrive.
p.s. i can only imagine.
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I would like to credit the photographer and thank her for sharing her work.
Your words are what give value to this space.
Never do that again.
Yes, I am aware.
Art by: Toujours
No Contest
even if no one gets me, if i'm the only one laughing at my jokes, i won't hide myself away from life. it's uncertain and it's dirty and it's fucking exciting, and i want to be a part of all of it.
it's too good to waste in hiding.
toujours
February, 21, 2009 1:27 AM
it's too good to waste in hiding.
toujours
February, 21, 2009 1:27 AM
heart full
Today on my way home from class, I stopped off at the petrol station for some petrol. I paid on my card which wasn’t a lot, and then as I was getting into my car, I saw an old man walking past the building. He had a red and green stripy jumper which was frayed at the ends. He was also wearing some jeans that were dirty and had holes all over.
I sat there and became intrigued by him because I didn’t know what he was doing, so as I sat there and watched him, he continued doing what he set out to do.
He walked past the trash cans and first picked out a cup with some drink still in it (one of the cups that you get from burger king that has coke in it). He then walked over to the next trash can and pulled out the end of a half eaten sandwich. In my shock horror, he ate it and then went to sit on the wall to drink the drink he had found.
I felt sad, I wanted to give him my last $4 that I had but I was told when I was younger that you should never give people money, you should give them something they need or can use because that way, if they had an addiction, they would not be able to use the money for their addiction. So I went into the shop and bought a chicken sandwich from their deli counter and then walked out of the building.
The guy was still sat at the wall drinking his drink so I walked up to him and asked him if he would like this sandwich. He thanked me and said that he was hungry.
I should of felt good after that, doing something for someone else but all I could think of is where his next meal will come from or where in fact he will sleep tonight.
Fimble Star
September 30, 2008 8:08 PM
(Tonight, although I am cold and my feet are sore, my belly is full.)
I sat there and became intrigued by him because I didn’t know what he was doing, so as I sat there and watched him, he continued doing what he set out to do.
He walked past the trash cans and first picked out a cup with some drink still in it (one of the cups that you get from burger king that has coke in it). He then walked over to the next trash can and pulled out the end of a half eaten sandwich. In my shock horror, he ate it and then went to sit on the wall to drink the drink he had found.
I felt sad, I wanted to give him my last $4 that I had but I was told when I was younger that you should never give people money, you should give them something they need or can use because that way, if they had an addiction, they would not be able to use the money for their addiction. So I went into the shop and bought a chicken sandwich from their deli counter and then walked out of the building.
The guy was still sat at the wall drinking his drink so I walked up to him and asked him if he would like this sandwich. He thanked me and said that he was hungry.
I should of felt good after that, doing something for someone else but all I could think of is where his next meal will come from or where in fact he will sleep tonight.
Fimble Star
September 30, 2008 8:08 PM
(Tonight, although I am cold and my feet are sore, my belly is full.)
It helped.
Jennicula,
Thank you for sharing your story. Although it only appeared briefly, I was lucky enough to have caught it.
Once upon a time, for me, that was the best part of this place...having my words related back to me from another's perspective.
And it never mattered to me who said it, just that it meant something to the writer.
Thank you for sharing your story. Although it only appeared briefly, I was lucky enough to have caught it.
Once upon a time, for me, that was the best part of this place...having my words related back to me from another's perspective.
And it never mattered to me who said it, just that it meant something to the writer.
Blog header image by: Anima
I would like to credit the photographer and thank her for sharing her work.
something
Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life. Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. If you've had a shitty day and you feel like people just don't want you to be happy, and when you find yourself struggling to make it through the day, just keep on believing and keep the faith. Also, from personal experience, don't push people away. When they say they want to help and that they are there for you, let them in. Believe me, I know how fucking scary that thought is, but don't shut others out.
paperheartxx
September 22, 2008 11:07 PM
paperheartxx
September 22, 2008 11:07 PM
Retro-spectacled
Sometimes, when you look back on stuff in your life, you know, the crap that makes you shake your head and say, "Holy shit, what the Hell was I thinking?" it's part of what makes you - you.
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I have made small mistakes and really big, fucking scary mistakes. Would I change those mistakes and blunders?
No. Wanna know why?
Because they make me - me. They help make up the person that I am, what I've learned the hard way. Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and have become a better person for it. And, hopefully I don't repeat those same mistakes. Although, sometimes I repeat variations of certain ones, but I'm working on that. :)
Jennicula
June 11, 2008 11:19 AM
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I have made small mistakes and really big, fucking scary mistakes. Would I change those mistakes and blunders?
No. Wanna know why?
Because they make me - me. They help make up the person that I am, what I've learned the hard way. Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and have become a better person for it. And, hopefully I don't repeat those same mistakes. Although, sometimes I repeat variations of certain ones, but I'm working on that. :)
Jennicula
June 11, 2008 11:19 AM
aloft
Blazing against the sun
like locusts,
samaras swarm the sky
and skitter to an earthly end,
dry
like clever words.
I want to make them fly up,
flip heaven upside down
and dance across the top of hell
and sing your thoughts
to the sound of thunder
that you love so well,
rip open the littered sky
and bathe in the light
or draw across the firmament
the blanket of the night.
In only a day they have
covered the ground,
their brief flight
yielding nothing permanent
on infertile land,
a fleeting moment of swarming glory
that calls to mind our own
short story:
Diamonds and petals,
the loom and the light,
the inkdark moon, foxfire marsh,
an open, waiting hand.
Clever winged seeds
of childhood reminiscent--
and like the idiot grown-up heart,
as stubbornly indehiscent.
Weaver Girl
May 26, 2008 11:27 PM
like locusts,
samaras swarm the sky
and skitter to an earthly end,
dry
like clever words.
I want to make them fly up,
flip heaven upside down
and dance across the top of hell
and sing your thoughts
to the sound of thunder
that you love so well,
rip open the littered sky
and bathe in the light
or draw across the firmament
the blanket of the night.
In only a day they have
covered the ground,
their brief flight
yielding nothing permanent
on infertile land,
a fleeting moment of swarming glory
that calls to mind our own
short story:
Diamonds and petals,
the loom and the light,
the inkdark moon, foxfire marsh,
an open, waiting hand.
Clever winged seeds
of childhood reminiscent--
and like the idiot grown-up heart,
as stubbornly indehiscent.
Weaver Girl
May 26, 2008 11:27 PM
Electric Blue
…today I saw a ulysses butterfly it was in our yard and settled to feed on our hibiscus. They really are fantastically beautiful things, the electric blue is amazing, however as they sit with their wings closed they are rather nondescript and dull. Sometimes people are like that, from the outside they seem unappealing but within there hides an amazing beauty for those lucky enough to see it. I hope you appreciate beauty in all things, and look for it perhaps where others miss it.
ergoproxy
April 29, 2008 4:45 AM
ergoproxy
April 29, 2008 4:45 AM
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
I read your post again and suddenly without warning memories of construction paper filled my head. I remembered all the lop-sided flowers my girls made when they were young. Bright blue, yellow and pink flowers that were cut out with blunt end scissors would fill the windows to decorate for Easter. An occasional bunny was attempted but those usually ended up looking like creatures from a horror movie. Flowers were so much easier. I can close my eyes and hear the paper being cut into petals. I can smell the Elmer’s glue squirted on in huge blobs to attach each misshapen petal to form the flowers. We had a huge arts and crafts box full of wonderful items just waiting for their imaginations to turn into something wonderful. In my mind I see my daughters, as they once were, small, blond little girls sitting on the floor surrounded by scraps of paper and other art supplies. They would create their masterpieces then proudly show each other. Oh and Lord the messes that would ensue if the glitter made an appearance. Now, the box is forgotten. I’m not really sure where it even is anymore. The few flowers so lovingly created that survived are faded and dusty and high on a shelf they sit. Time marches on, so many things get left behind.
Today was the first Easter I spent alone. I don’t think it really upset me until I remembered the construction paper flowers. Of course I understand that my daughters are growing up and have lives of their own. But understanding doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I miss my little girls in their frilly Easter dresses. I miss the laughter that filled the house when they found what the Easter Bunny left for them. And I miss making the damn flowers.
Elena
March 24, 2008 3:57 AM
Today was the first Easter I spent alone. I don’t think it really upset me until I remembered the construction paper flowers. Of course I understand that my daughters are growing up and have lives of their own. But understanding doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I miss my little girls in their frilly Easter dresses. I miss the laughter that filled the house when they found what the Easter Bunny left for them. And I miss making the damn flowers.
Elena
March 24, 2008 3:57 AM
From the corner.
I wonder if you noticed
all our friends playing
Some had never tried before
and the result was amazing.
Poems from the corner
from the left and right
We did our best to keep them flowing
Late into this night.
If nothing else was accomplished
I hope we made someone see
How truly beautiful and amazing
a poem can be.
Sdock10
March 13, 2008 11:36 PM
all our friends playing
Some had never tried before
and the result was amazing.
Poems from the corner
from the left and right
We did our best to keep them flowing
Late into this night.
If nothing else was accomplished
I hope we made someone see
How truly beautiful and amazing
a poem can be.
Sdock10
March 13, 2008 11:36 PM
Thank You. Truly.
"This little world has grown around us, out of nothing, and it is a remarkable thing. Even the dark and dirty parts, the violent parts. Humanity will not thrive without passion."
Redrum
March 1, 2008 3:13 AM
Redrum
March 1, 2008 3:13 AM
Uncondensed
Your words are what give value to this space.
Never do that again.
Yes, I am aware.
Character Advocacy.
"Don't ever pretend to be something you're not. You are who you are, and no one can change that. The people who don't like the real you are just gonna have to suck it. Don't take shit from anyone. Don't crumble. Throw a few birds, and walk on.
I'm still trying to do this, so maybe we can work on it together."
mustardisbetter
January 16, 2008 4:48 PM
I'm still trying to do this, so maybe we can work on it together."
mustardisbetter
January 16, 2008 4:48 PM
Art by: Toujours
“I decided to stop pitying myself. Other than my eye, two things aren't paralyzed, my imagination and my memory.”
Jean-Dominique Bauby
Jean-Dominique Bauby
3,954 comments:
1 – 200 of 3954 Newer› Newest»Awww. That's creepy but very sweet. Nice, Mayo.
Sorry, I was lurking. It's good to read you.
Sounds like an unhealthy dependence to me.
Err, and it's good you can only imagine because if you remembered, well yeah. Anyway thanks for the new post, I bet Mummy K likes this one. And to think, I just took her to a concert and gave her a card. ;)
Is this..
Mayo, is this about your birth?
-A
Ah. This is about mothers, is it? Apologies, I misread.
Also I hope you did get her a card. ;D
Okay I'll leave ya alone now.
nice Mother's Day post, although you were a little late!
Fabulous post Mayo, I hope you're well sweetie.
*covers a smirk with her hands*
Happy Mothers Day, Mayo's Mom!
-A
This, I believe, is Mayo's tribute to his mother. A very vivid one as well.
Mayo, I'm sure she will love and appreciate your words as much as she does you.
Happy Mother's Day, Momma Mayo!
And thanks for posting again, I was beginning to wonder, and I'm sure Entropy would want me to tell you hi, so hi from Entropy from her hell hole.
That's kinda funny, I guess I haven't thought of Mayo having a Mom before. I guess I was going with the whole sprung from the head Greek God thing.
I guess I was going with the whole sprung from the head Greek God thing.
Hera did that with Hephaestus, didn't she?
I mean, I know about Zeus doing that with Athena.
-A
goodnight jules, rw, carrie, cupcake, amy and gf and any lurkers. sweet dreams.
ss - goodnight mate. miss you and i hope you're having a ball.
see you tomorrow my friends.
Do you just not talk to us anymore, Mayo? Honestly, you don't have to answer me, but do say hello to someone who's around. Yeah?
G'night Fim. :)
Night, Fimmy :) Sweet dreams!
Goodnight Fimble!
-A
Night Fim!
Hi and bye Fimble! :)
birth is an incredible thing, being able to give life is incredible
Amy, you remember more than me, I couldn't give you particulars. :)
It is pretty awe inspiring, or maybe just *weird.*
Mayo gave birth
I'll take your word for it, anon @ 12:20am.
I wonder if Mayo made his mom upchuck for months on end?
Hello.
Happy mother's day mayo's mom
Or if she has a drawer filled with crayon scrawled cards declaring his love?
Thank you Mayo
That is a wonderful Mother's Day post.
Now make sure your mama sees it.
Hey Mayo. Did you make your mom cards?
Happy Mother's Day to all the mums in here.
Hello everyone!
Amy, I'm unsure, but if it was or is your birthday, Happy Birthday.
Mr Mayo, always the cryptic devil. So...till? Till what?...hell freezes over ^_~
hello mayo
Hello Mayonaise, it's good to see you here. Are you well?
Hello, Elune :)
I will pass on the Mother's Day wishes to "Mama Mayo."
Happy Mother's Day to all of the lovely Mom's here as well.
Hello elune
Carrie, I read a lot of Greek Mythology actually.
They were a pretty screwy bunch.
-A
Hello Mayo
Nice to see you in blue.
Hope you are well.
Hello Mayo, nice to see you.
Hi Elune :) it's been a while!
Coward
Thanks Mayo. And yeah, Amy mythology is pretty dang interesting. Kinda like a soap opera.
Thank you for the Mother's Day greeting.
Two of my three daughters actually remembered it was Mother's Day.
It's said that you can tell the merit of a man by the way he treats his mother. I firmly believe this to be true. If he treats his mother well, he will treat his girlfriend/wife the same.
Thank you Elune!
How are you doing this evening?
Mayo, you as well. I trust you've been well?
-A
"Coward", eh? That's rich coming from someone hiding behind an anonymous tag.
Hey RW :D *waves to everyone*
If Mayo gave birth anon, it's either a medical miracle or, it brings a new meaning to the word "female".
What happened to the third, Elena??
Elena, I called my mother to wish her a Happy Mothers Day, and she's been gone out all day!
I hope she's home tomorrow to get her flowers. :P
-A
Thank you for putting her in her place AGAIN Mayo maybe this time..... the hint will be taken
awww...if you say so!
Oh the third daughter..
My flighty child and I say that with love. It just skipped her mind.
Anonymous said...
Thank you for putting her in her place AGAIN Mayo maybe this time..... the hint will be taken
I gave you a BIG hint earlier, and you clearly didn't get it.
STEP OFF.
-A
Ah well, it happens, Elena. Did she feel silly once she remembered?
Not talking to Elena Amyranth!!!
the best gift I got today was from Annie. She saw a yard sale on our way home Friday. She went upstairs, got some of her own money, and went over there in secret and got me a heart shaped candle for a nickel.
Hello everyone and my best to you.
Happy Mothers's Day to all Mothers.
mayonaise,
Yes, you have no idea what transpires, however what a tribute!
love to you
`sc
mind yo bizzness beyoootch
Hi everyone!
Mayo,
Nice to see you around, and here's to wishing you would pull up a chair and stay awhile.
I'm off to bed, long day today, i will be here tomorrow off and on.
Till then.
Hugs, kisses,
my heart to yours
PJ
I am wonderful, thanks for asking.
But, I am alarmed by some of the behavior I have been reading.
well, that's fine with me!!!!!
STEP OFF is so 1985
Hi and bye PJ, and Mayo, you should be.
Do you have a problem with Kapunua, Mayonaise.
Once and for all, please just state it and shut these evil and vindictive anons up.
I'm constantly surprised, Mayo, by the fact that you've never addressed the anonslaught head on, even when you've been in here while it's happening.
Has it ever occurred that your words might carry someweight even to desperate little low-lifes like them? It's clear that they don't give a flying fuck what we have to say, but they might actually listen to you.
Mr Sneaky did drop in at 12:26
Amy, I'm fantastic, thank you for asking ^_^
Snap, Mayo!
I was wondering when the day would come.
Which behaviors in particular, Mayo? Maybe steps can be taken to correct the problem.
Hi, SC!!! :D
RW
No she didn't feel silly at all. She just smiled as her sisters gave me their gifts. Then she gave me a kiss on the cheek. That truly was a wonderful gift. Just having her home today was all I wanted.
hello I'm home from town
lovely post mayo, nice to hear you're well
thanks for putting up my piece about Albert the butterfly
SC!!!!
I have been wondering where you've been , how are you and RB?
elena 2 out of 3 ain't bad?
Goodnight pj
That's cool, Elena :)
I had an early Mother's Day with my mother last week.
Meatloaf reference! Yay!
Hi, EP :)
Alarmed Mayo?.... I'm not surprised.
Hello Sc and Ep
oh I just read the extra bit elena, it's so lovely they all were home with you
Maybe Mayo doesn't feel he has any weight at all with the "anons" because he is as anonymous as they are...
Hi and Bye PJ, damn I keep on missing people!
I seem to have my head in the clouds.
Someone here lost her livelihood recently because of vicious anon behavior.
That's not only crossing a line, that's crushing the hell out of it.
Maybe so, anon @ 12:43am. I guess only Mayo himself can answer that.
hi MJ cupcake elena RW elune amyranth carrie and not sure who else is still about
fimble? kapunua?
I bought a very cute liitle pair of black ankle boots today AND got a shop to take $150 off a new stove to replace ours that decided to die on saturday
The shitty Anons need to go to hell.
The cool anons get a bad rap, because they don't always start off with a name.
And what sucks is these Shithead Anons seem to think their behaviour is approved by Mayo.
-A
Maybe he is a coward who is afraid to make people get fucking pissed off at him so he doesn't say what he thinks is right or wrong either way.......
Yep Ergo
It was wonderful having them all here.
Hello all
Thank you to Rw, martha and ergoproxy for the acknowlegement. Hope all is well for you? RB is "ok" and goin thru some reality,
`sc
No, I have never considered wasting the little time I have with you, on them.
I believe they know, as well as you, how I feel about hateful and hurtful speech.
And besides, you are all quite capable of taking care of yourselves. That is part of what makes this place so special.
But know this, I would fight for each and every one of you...each and every one.
"Coward" anon. See my comment @ 12:29am.
It's great to see you, SC!! :D
You are welcome SC.
Amy as long as they (nasty anons) are happy I think it matters what anyone tells them.
oh mayo that is lovely, we'd fight for you too I'm sure
(though from a distance in my case)
Hello Ergo :D
yeah, that's sweet and all, Mayo, but hurtful speech and I'm gonna take your job away, are a little bit different, ya know?
Mayo I know in my heart you would fight for each and every one of us. I've never doubted that.
I feel the same way about these people and you.
Damn Mayo... that is so very sweet of you.
I can't help it, I'm all choked up.
Hey Ergo! How have you been.
Albert is a superstar! He,(I assume) certainly adds color to the blog :)
mayonaise,
Good to know, thank you.
`sc
you know what, i have just gotten ready for bed and my last catch up before morning and in that short period of time, you all continue to amaze me. what on earth has some people done to you, why so hurtful to others. just leave it please. give it a rest.
i kinda have a different opinion on your last stance mayo, but thats my own opinion. not worth a penny is it, thought so.
final goodnight to my friends. sweet dreams
carrie I know what you mean , but I don't really know what mayo could do, after all anonymous is just that unfortunately
Thank you for adressing that, Mayo.
I must thank mah hobo!
Night, Fim :)
Thank you so much, Mayo. Your words mean a lot to me. Yes, you know me as someone else. But I am never a hurtful anon. Never.
You're a good man, Mayo. Remember that every time someone slams you, ok? I believe in you, and I love you.
good night fimble sweet dreams
lets just hope they will reap what they sow
Yeah, Ergo, I know. Just expressing frustration. I guess he could all internet glare at them or something.
Thank you RW
Sorry for my absence. When I am presented with a difficult situation, I act like some men and retreat to my cave, unable to share my thoughts.
I am working on this.
much love
`sc
Ooops, sorry, I was reading porn.
Anyway there's nothing that can be done about it, so no use worrying anymore. What are they going to try next, contacting the Kung Fu school? Yeah, go right ahead, that would be funny as hell. The dance studio? I'm sure they'd be interested to know every little detail.
Here ya go, okay, Julia Argenti of Wading River, at Green Cloud three or four times a week and at Backstage Dance once a week. Go crazy.
Don't worry about it, Mayo, okay, thanks for the new post. It's all good.
'Night everyone!
I hear what you're saying, Carrie.
There's always the option to disable anon comments. Would solve the whole thing right there.
Fimble, your thoughts and words mean the world to me.
Ooops, sorry, I was reading porn.
0_0
SC whatever is going on know I think of you, I know you're a very caring person, and retreating sometimes gives you time to process things.
Carrie - oh I can picture that now, an internet glare, would he growl a bit too?
mayo, would you?
I will be back, going to enjoy the jacuzzi and relax.
talk later
`sc
Glad to hear it Mayonaise.
And I have to go now Lovelies. I have to get up early to catch the bus tomorrow.
But tomorrow night, WE PARTY!
(With Mayo's permission, of course)
Goodnight Lovelies.
Goodnight Mayonaise.
Goodnight SS!
-A is having stupid problems with her stupid computer.
Goodnight Kapunua
Night K & A :)
How come you didn't list your job Kapunua!!!!
Goodnight Amy :)
Night K
I've gotta be going too.
Gonna say goodnight to Mayo then I'm gonna try to get some sleep.
Take are all.
kapunua said ...
Ooops, sorry, I was reading porn.
resurrected wreck said...
0_0
O_O
©RW
A good friend. Do I know you.
Thank you, EP :D
Night K. At least you have a pretty name? And live in a cool sounding place? I don't know, I'm just sorry. And also sorry I keep trying to talk to you, I can't help it.
Goodnight kapu and amy
Yes. But let's leave it at that, ok?
Goodnight Elena.
All I ever seem to say is hello and goodnight.
My conversational skills have really gone down hill.
Anon @ 1am, you're nothing but a grain of sand in the bottom of K's shoe.
GF, most people are inherently good.
apart from a small proportion who really are devoid of any empathy, I truly believe there is more good than bad.
Having said that, nastiness can and does arise through one's own insecurities or power issues.
Mayo
An early goodnight for you this evening I’m afraid. I have to get up extra early to take my daughter in for a medical test. I’m sure it’s going to be okay and that I shouldn’t worry but hey, I have to worry. It’s my job. I’m a mom. You know it’s funny I always say I have three jobs but really I have four. Strange I never mention my most important job. The job that started over 18 years ago. The job that changed my life. Yeah, that job is being a mom. And let me tell you it is a job. No vacations, no paid holidays, but there are wonderful bonuses. I wouldn’t give up this job for the world. My daughters are my world even though they don’t know it. They truly have no idea but I smile and think one day when they have children of their own then they’ll get it. Then they’ll know. They are all in their teens so naturally there are lots of conflicts. Suddenly they see me differently. I was the one who bandaged their scrapped knees something they don’t need anymore. Now it’s broken hearts and that’s something I can’t really help with. Wish I could. Wish I could still fix everything for them. It’s so hard when you realize a kiss on the head and a Star Wars Band-Aid won’t do the trick. It’s weird but in a way I feel semi-retired. I’m kinda on the bench now watching the game and remembering when I was the quarterback. Yeah, I still get called in occasionally when I’m needed but with each passing year I’m needed less and less. Still I sit and watch and wait. I’m there if they need me.
Night Mayo
Elena (still ready with the Band-Aids)
Night, Elena :)
And goodnight Amy!
Kapunua is lying about her name.
So fucking what?
Are you saying that you're being truthful about yours, "anonymous"?
Kapunua is lying about her name.
------
That bitch, why would she do such a thing, imagine that.
Goodnight Elena!
And hold your babies tightly!(I know they are big girls now, but still)
Night, Elena, I like your quarterback metaphor.
goodnight Kapunua sweet dreams
goodnight Elena sweet dreams too
and love your post, and they'll need you again but it'll be different, it just takes tine for it to adjust
(email me? I'll be around tomorrow))
anon 1:03 very true
Well, time for me to turn in for the night. I won't say it's been fun, because it hasn't. But it's been real. I guess.
Have a good night everyone!
goodnigth Amy I shall toast you tonight, seeing as it is your birthday here
Night Rw!
goodnight RW sweet dreams
Goodnight RW, sleep tight.
Yeah, it's been real.
Anon, give it a rest. Leave Kapunua alone.
Okay, ladies and (possibly lurking) germ, time for me to shuffle off too. Have a good night!
Goodnight Carrie, sleep well.
Having said that, nastiness can and does arise through one's own insecurities or power issues.
Well, there's a big difference between "nastiness" (what I call "ugliness")and "evil. "Ugly" and "nasty", to me, result from someone's insecurities, jealousy, fear, etc. "Evil" comes from nothing but wanting to see someone else suffer. And I think Mayo, as well as some others here, has experienced both.
goodnight carrie sweet dreams
gosh everyone is going!
so cupcake . elune have a nice weekend?
Goodnight Carrie
Well Ergo, I had a good mothers day. My Mother really liked her card/presents, and we spent time together. But then we spend time together every day, so happily it wasn't unusual.
Good night everybody, it was nice to shoot the breeze with you tonight.
that's cool cupcake, I had an ok day still recovering but I did watch my Muse DVD twice!
MJ hows your arm today?
good friend goodnight sweet dreams
Ah! but why watch someone suffer? Because some are so deeply insecure or have been abused themselves they gain a warped pleasure from it. It makes them regain some power in a truly perverse way. Unless they are true sociopaths, then they lack empathy and do not understand the pain they impose.
And Mayo would not have been the only one. It happens everywhere.
Goodnight g.f, sleep well.
I'll be back soon everyone, I need a shower.
Goodnight GF
Totally random, but it is my speciality.
Look at this shit I found on myspace. I am highly amused.
http://www.myspace.com/theblackpajamaparty
1:26 I'm sorry. I'm not meaning to offend you, but I feel sadness for both parties involved. *shakes head*
And on that note I wish you all a goodnight!
Lol GG
Goodnight Elune
Cupcake is back and she smells like roses and buttermilk.
She is also talking about herself in third person. :P
Elune, goodnight and sleep well!
Hello CC
MJ!!! hi hun, how are you?
i am alright
Only alright hun? fair enough.
I have got a headache so I will be off to bed in a little while.
How are you are you doing better.
Poor MJ :(
I'm pretty much same old, same old.
a very unique and heartfelt mother's day post, mayo. very evocative, indeed.
i went out to the cloisters today. i'm an amateur medievalist, so being there was like walking through my dreams. i kept meeting familiar faces everywhere, statues and paintings and tapestries i have only seen in books. i was smiling at everything, smiling at all my old friends.
but sitting in the one cloister walk, listening to the medieval music and watching the other visitors was just as delightful. everyone was there with their mohers, almost. it was a gentle may day, the green trees in the cloister garden harmonizing so beautifully with the red stone columns...and everyone a little story played out in front of me.
i could have sat there forever.
elena, it's me, and everyone who had encouraging words for me -- thank you. it's me, you are right, i wasn't looking at my whole world. i had been following a path that was tightly focussed, and making the adjustment to my vision was difficult, and jarring.
it isn't perfect now, but i've got a glimpse of my path again, i've got a thread to follow. i don't know if it's ideal, i don't know if it's perfect, but it feels like a positive direction for me.
i've decided to move to kansas for awhile.
for some reason, the idea of going backk to seattle right now feels like a failure. seattle's a great place, and i've been very happy being a pacific northwesterner, but i think it was as much a box to me as was the suburb of it that i lived in. this trip has broken me free from that box, i've truly seen the country for the first time, and i'm not ready to go back to my corner of it yet.
in fact, i kind of feel like there might be a place for me here in new york.
i'm not being dazzled by the city -- i've lived in cities before, in fact -- and for much of my short visit here i haven't been exactly in the highest of spirits or in the best of situations (standing outside madison sq. garden for ten hours in the driving rain, for example). this isn't a golden city, nor is it a shiny place to me.
but i get the sense that there's a little niche waiting here for me.
so, we'll see.
and why do i keep treating this blog like my personal journal?! for goodness' sake, stop me before i ramble off the minutae of my day, again!
my apologies, mayo. i'll do my best to stop hogging your blog.
one last thing, though: till, as in soil? are you preparing a garden, mayo? there was a new moon over the met last night -- that's always a good time to start on new endeavors, and new phases of one's life.
just a thought.
that myspace is funny
Hello TJ
TJ, hello :)
For the record I like your thoughts!
heck I know it's poor taste but the whole thing really was asking for it.
Helllo TJ!
so nice to hear from you, sounds a fascinating place and I hope your new path brings you joy
ANd Emma's story wasn't in poor taste.
that's what I mean MJ I think her story was a really ridiculous thing to do, on a myspace that is stalked but most of INO and Buzznet etc, and made it out to be some work of total fiction, very very poor taste, and I still do not know what the motivation would have been
Goodnight
*tumble weed*
goodnight MJ sweet dreams
Goodnight MJ, sleep well, I hope you feel better in the morning.
hey mayo so nice to see you around, and such an interesting post, so real and vivid and I hope you were able to spend some time with your mother this day. many families are sop spread out it becomes difficult to celebrate together, but knowing they are in your thoughts is worth it.
So me? Well I'm ok thanks, i described myself as feeling slightly to the side of where I was, a little "out of body" I don't know if it was the virus or the medication but it was interesting!
So wishing you love, health, sensitivity and reminiscence to you, and yours much love EP xx
SS
I hope you had a lovely weekend, did you have time to spend with your mother? Many find it hard through distance or loss, but I'm sure she would have been close kept in your heart, I imagine it's always rather than one day, but one day to be a little further to the front.
Sending you love, wishes and splendour in everything you do, lotsa love EP xx
goodnight everyone, I'm off early to get ready to go out, hope you all have a great monday.
goodnight cupcake, sorry I can't stay to talk we are off to the Melbourne comedy festival roadshow, we went last year and it was good so hope this year is too.
you take care and I'll catch up next time, perhaps there'll be a few more souls around!
Wow Ergo! I have to go to that someday! hopefully next year, when I've moved.
*hugs*
Take care!
I think I just became someones bitch.
Now that's it's quiet here, and I appear to be alone.... I can feel free to ramble.
There's something I've come to realize lately.
We're all capable of so much. Good and bad.
We all have the potential to become great, or the potential to become a victim.
I was thinking about this during one of my late night musings, I was missing an ex of mine, who was at times abusive. Not terribly so, I'm lucky that way, but never the less, I was mistreated, and threatened.
I was strong enough to break that relationship off, and I'm also strong enough to admit I have moments of weakness and I miss them.
Sometimes I think about the wonderful times we had and I think "was it really that bad?"
The answer is yes.
But those good times... they were good.Lovely.
I remember slow dances and thoughtful gifts.
It was an unusual relationship and in some ways I think I returned the abuse, though never physically.
Or maybe it was more that I didn't know what I wanted. I never meant to give false hope, or lead anyone on.
I've had the opportunity to get back together with this person on many occasions. I won't lie, I did consider it.
But then I realized how crazy that would be.
The best thing I ever did was jump that ship.
I'm free now, even if I don't feel it.
And so, goodnight.
Goodnight Mayo, your post was gritty and heartfelt and real.
I loved it.
SS, as always you impress, I hope you had a good mothers day. :)
Lovelies.... I love you. :)
xoxo cupcake
So i went to the Masqurade the other night in ATL. Ga. Right after I was pulled out from almost dying of dehydration, Jimmy Urine touched my ass as I walked off the stage!!!! Very Happy
Anyway, when I went to stand off the side of the stage, I saw this guy walk past me and stand against the wall watching Lyn-Z. Guess who? It was GERARD WAY!!!!! AHHHHH!!!! He stood 5 ft. in front of me. I triend to go over to him, but security toled me to stay to the side. *gurr* But he was right there.Cry I had tears streaming from my eyes. The man I look up to, the man who has saved my life was right in front of me. In Love Cry Cry Cry
...and I always knew that you were an exceptional liar
3:09 looks like he's making "art" with his wifey poo
good night cupcake. that was very insightful.
wandering around the internet...been a while since i've been able to...
you know, it really was a fun experience, travelling around, going to show after show. maybe it was a silly thing to do, maybe sometimes i came across like a bit of an idiot...
but i'm so glad i did it.
so glad. no matter what.
all of a sudden, i had a flash of that old feeling, mayo. do you remember? i'd pretend i was curled up on your couch, talking to your portrait over the fireplace, alone in the dark room.
i was even working on my version of that portrait there for a while, but had to give it up as a bad job.
oh, it's silly, but here's my middle of the night secret: i wish i did have someone to sit and talk with like that. to have someone to have long conversational rambles with...
*sigh*
sometimes, even though the poetry is nice, i wish we didn't have lovers on this blog. it's not always fun to be on the sidelines...
i'd better go to sleep before i say even more incriminating things, if i haven't already crossed too many lines as it is.
good night, blogbelieve.
good night, mayo-sama. it was good to read your comments from earlier. it's always good to see you on the blog and not just up top.
sweet dreams to you.
2:54/1:14/4:42 anon said...
Anonymous said...
4:42, you never need to doubt my sincerity or my love. I need you in my life. Yes, it is a fair trade.
May 11, 2008 6:17 PM
Thank you so much.
I need you in my life, too. I've never had anything like this happen to me before, and sometimes it scares me that it--and you--will disappear like all the others have.
But in my heart, I know we're the real thing. Anything that feels this good has to be real. I love you, and I love you more every day.
May 11, 2008 7:49 PM
Huh? Do you know who you are ready talking too?
AW! Mayo, you are so sweet. I'm talking about the blog not the shit you spewed afterwards. Whoa, where'd that come from?
Nice to see you again and all that.
Hope you and your mama had a good day.
Carrie, did you look up any earthquakes to see if I was literally ate up by the hell hole we all know is under me?
I know you did! Too nice you is.
Night, everyone!
Talks to ya tomorrow.
Oh, Happy Mothers Day everyone! Or at least had a good one since I'm late.
Happy Birthday Amy!
Have a nice day. With presents and cake and balloons.
http://www.myspace.com/theblackpajamaparty
Is cracking me up into pieces, okay? Pieces.
Oh, man, I haven't luaghed so much at the craziest things.
Bret Wai? Nuh huh! He spells is whey! I gots proof, well, not really besides my brain picture since they decided to switch shit up. But anyways, He DOES! Whey!
Okay, sleep, no more looking at funny stuff.
Morning Mayo!
I trust you all had a pleasant weekend - I shall try and catch up with the comments later.
FASC & Fimble,
Congrats to Manchester United - as Hot Jose would say, the "best" team is the one who triumphs over a 38-game season...
***
***
***
...and the one who had the least injuries, the most helpful match schedule and the one who made the best deal with the devil!!!
Anon @ 3:09am,
I'm pretty sure you saved your own life - rock bands exist solely to take your money!
Love,
Kass xx
Goodnight Entropy.
Nothing like a good laugh for brightening your Monday morning so whoever made that BPP masterpiece, I salute you!
Hello Beutelratten!
How is everyone?
Anon, thanks for that MySpace link!
Brillant, haha!!!
Happy belated Mother's Day!
ⒽⒶⓅⓅⓎ ⒷⒾⓇⓉⒽⒹⒶⓎ,
dear Amyranth!
Tempting
as
it
is
Can
I
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