Upon arrival, there isn’t nearly enough air to fill my lungs, so in desperation, I scream. Pulling in all that I can because suddenly I feel empty. The comfortable heavy warmth in my chest has been displaced by vacuum. I have no control over where I am. My arms and legs, unbound, find freedom a challenge. And, although I feel hands pulling and fingers pressing, I have no idea why. It is cold. So, I reach for warmth and I find it in purity. I know where I came from; I did not want to leave and with grief comes depth and in the deep I find surrender. It was warm and I swam in it before I knew you. I would go back, but that was before I saw your eyes, before I was pulled into this world and onto your lap a sloppy mess. I need you and without you I am sure I would not thrive.
p.s. i can only imagine.
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I would like to credit the photographer and thank her for sharing her work.
Your words are what give value to this space.
Never do that again.
Yes, I am aware.
Art by: Toujours
No Contest
even if no one gets me, if i'm the only one laughing at my jokes, i won't hide myself away from life. it's uncertain and it's dirty and it's fucking exciting, and i want to be a part of all of it.
it's too good to waste in hiding.
toujours
February, 21, 2009 1:27 AM
it's too good to waste in hiding.
toujours
February, 21, 2009 1:27 AM
heart full
Today on my way home from class, I stopped off at the petrol station for some petrol. I paid on my card which wasn’t a lot, and then as I was getting into my car, I saw an old man walking past the building. He had a red and green stripy jumper which was frayed at the ends. He was also wearing some jeans that were dirty and had holes all over.
I sat there and became intrigued by him because I didn’t know what he was doing, so as I sat there and watched him, he continued doing what he set out to do.
He walked past the trash cans and first picked out a cup with some drink still in it (one of the cups that you get from burger king that has coke in it). He then walked over to the next trash can and pulled out the end of a half eaten sandwich. In my shock horror, he ate it and then went to sit on the wall to drink the drink he had found.
I felt sad, I wanted to give him my last $4 that I had but I was told when I was younger that you should never give people money, you should give them something they need or can use because that way, if they had an addiction, they would not be able to use the money for their addiction. So I went into the shop and bought a chicken sandwich from their deli counter and then walked out of the building.
The guy was still sat at the wall drinking his drink so I walked up to him and asked him if he would like this sandwich. He thanked me and said that he was hungry.
I should of felt good after that, doing something for someone else but all I could think of is where his next meal will come from or where in fact he will sleep tonight.
Fimble Star
September 30, 2008 8:08 PM
(Tonight, although I am cold and my feet are sore, my belly is full.)
I sat there and became intrigued by him because I didn’t know what he was doing, so as I sat there and watched him, he continued doing what he set out to do.
He walked past the trash cans and first picked out a cup with some drink still in it (one of the cups that you get from burger king that has coke in it). He then walked over to the next trash can and pulled out the end of a half eaten sandwich. In my shock horror, he ate it and then went to sit on the wall to drink the drink he had found.
I felt sad, I wanted to give him my last $4 that I had but I was told when I was younger that you should never give people money, you should give them something they need or can use because that way, if they had an addiction, they would not be able to use the money for their addiction. So I went into the shop and bought a chicken sandwich from their deli counter and then walked out of the building.
The guy was still sat at the wall drinking his drink so I walked up to him and asked him if he would like this sandwich. He thanked me and said that he was hungry.
I should of felt good after that, doing something for someone else but all I could think of is where his next meal will come from or where in fact he will sleep tonight.
Fimble Star
September 30, 2008 8:08 PM
(Tonight, although I am cold and my feet are sore, my belly is full.)
It helped.
Jennicula,
Thank you for sharing your story. Although it only appeared briefly, I was lucky enough to have caught it.
Once upon a time, for me, that was the best part of this place...having my words related back to me from another's perspective.
And it never mattered to me who said it, just that it meant something to the writer.
Thank you for sharing your story. Although it only appeared briefly, I was lucky enough to have caught it.
Once upon a time, for me, that was the best part of this place...having my words related back to me from another's perspective.
And it never mattered to me who said it, just that it meant something to the writer.
Blog header image by: Anima
I would like to credit the photographer and thank her for sharing her work.
something
Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life. Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. If you've had a shitty day and you feel like people just don't want you to be happy, and when you find yourself struggling to make it through the day, just keep on believing and keep the faith. Also, from personal experience, don't push people away. When they say they want to help and that they are there for you, let them in. Believe me, I know how fucking scary that thought is, but don't shut others out.
paperheartxx
September 22, 2008 11:07 PM
paperheartxx
September 22, 2008 11:07 PM
Retro-spectacled
Sometimes, when you look back on stuff in your life, you know, the crap that makes you shake your head and say, "Holy shit, what the Hell was I thinking?" it's part of what makes you - you.
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I have made small mistakes and really big, fucking scary mistakes. Would I change those mistakes and blunders?
No. Wanna know why?
Because they make me - me. They help make up the person that I am, what I've learned the hard way. Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and have become a better person for it. And, hopefully I don't repeat those same mistakes. Although, sometimes I repeat variations of certain ones, but I'm working on that. :)
Jennicula
June 11, 2008 11:19 AM
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I have made small mistakes and really big, fucking scary mistakes. Would I change those mistakes and blunders?
No. Wanna know why?
Because they make me - me. They help make up the person that I am, what I've learned the hard way. Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and have become a better person for it. And, hopefully I don't repeat those same mistakes. Although, sometimes I repeat variations of certain ones, but I'm working on that. :)
Jennicula
June 11, 2008 11:19 AM
aloft
Blazing against the sun
like locusts,
samaras swarm the sky
and skitter to an earthly end,
dry
like clever words.
I want to make them fly up,
flip heaven upside down
and dance across the top of hell
and sing your thoughts
to the sound of thunder
that you love so well,
rip open the littered sky
and bathe in the light
or draw across the firmament
the blanket of the night.
In only a day they have
covered the ground,
their brief flight
yielding nothing permanent
on infertile land,
a fleeting moment of swarming glory
that calls to mind our own
short story:
Diamonds and petals,
the loom and the light,
the inkdark moon, foxfire marsh,
an open, waiting hand.
Clever winged seeds
of childhood reminiscent--
and like the idiot grown-up heart,
as stubbornly indehiscent.
Weaver Girl
May 26, 2008 11:27 PM
like locusts,
samaras swarm the sky
and skitter to an earthly end,
dry
like clever words.
I want to make them fly up,
flip heaven upside down
and dance across the top of hell
and sing your thoughts
to the sound of thunder
that you love so well,
rip open the littered sky
and bathe in the light
or draw across the firmament
the blanket of the night.
In only a day they have
covered the ground,
their brief flight
yielding nothing permanent
on infertile land,
a fleeting moment of swarming glory
that calls to mind our own
short story:
Diamonds and petals,
the loom and the light,
the inkdark moon, foxfire marsh,
an open, waiting hand.
Clever winged seeds
of childhood reminiscent--
and like the idiot grown-up heart,
as stubbornly indehiscent.
Weaver Girl
May 26, 2008 11:27 PM
Electric Blue
…today I saw a ulysses butterfly it was in our yard and settled to feed on our hibiscus. They really are fantastically beautiful things, the electric blue is amazing, however as they sit with their wings closed they are rather nondescript and dull. Sometimes people are like that, from the outside they seem unappealing but within there hides an amazing beauty for those lucky enough to see it. I hope you appreciate beauty in all things, and look for it perhaps where others miss it.
ergoproxy
April 29, 2008 4:45 AM
ergoproxy
April 29, 2008 4:45 AM
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
I read your post again and suddenly without warning memories of construction paper filled my head. I remembered all the lop-sided flowers my girls made when they were young. Bright blue, yellow and pink flowers that were cut out with blunt end scissors would fill the windows to decorate for Easter. An occasional bunny was attempted but those usually ended up looking like creatures from a horror movie. Flowers were so much easier. I can close my eyes and hear the paper being cut into petals. I can smell the Elmer’s glue squirted on in huge blobs to attach each misshapen petal to form the flowers. We had a huge arts and crafts box full of wonderful items just waiting for their imaginations to turn into something wonderful. In my mind I see my daughters, as they once were, small, blond little girls sitting on the floor surrounded by scraps of paper and other art supplies. They would create their masterpieces then proudly show each other. Oh and Lord the messes that would ensue if the glitter made an appearance. Now, the box is forgotten. I’m not really sure where it even is anymore. The few flowers so lovingly created that survived are faded and dusty and high on a shelf they sit. Time marches on, so many things get left behind.
Today was the first Easter I spent alone. I don’t think it really upset me until I remembered the construction paper flowers. Of course I understand that my daughters are growing up and have lives of their own. But understanding doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I miss my little girls in their frilly Easter dresses. I miss the laughter that filled the house when they found what the Easter Bunny left for them. And I miss making the damn flowers.
Elena
March 24, 2008 3:57 AM
Today was the first Easter I spent alone. I don’t think it really upset me until I remembered the construction paper flowers. Of course I understand that my daughters are growing up and have lives of their own. But understanding doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I miss my little girls in their frilly Easter dresses. I miss the laughter that filled the house when they found what the Easter Bunny left for them. And I miss making the damn flowers.
Elena
March 24, 2008 3:57 AM
From the corner.
I wonder if you noticed
all our friends playing
Some had never tried before
and the result was amazing.
Poems from the corner
from the left and right
We did our best to keep them flowing
Late into this night.
If nothing else was accomplished
I hope we made someone see
How truly beautiful and amazing
a poem can be.
Sdock10
March 13, 2008 11:36 PM
all our friends playing
Some had never tried before
and the result was amazing.
Poems from the corner
from the left and right
We did our best to keep them flowing
Late into this night.
If nothing else was accomplished
I hope we made someone see
How truly beautiful and amazing
a poem can be.
Sdock10
March 13, 2008 11:36 PM
Thank You. Truly.
"This little world has grown around us, out of nothing, and it is a remarkable thing. Even the dark and dirty parts, the violent parts. Humanity will not thrive without passion."
Redrum
March 1, 2008 3:13 AM
Redrum
March 1, 2008 3:13 AM
Uncondensed
Your words are what give value to this space.
Never do that again.
Yes, I am aware.
Character Advocacy.
"Don't ever pretend to be something you're not. You are who you are, and no one can change that. The people who don't like the real you are just gonna have to suck it. Don't take shit from anyone. Don't crumble. Throw a few birds, and walk on.
I'm still trying to do this, so maybe we can work on it together."
mustardisbetter
January 16, 2008 4:48 PM
I'm still trying to do this, so maybe we can work on it together."
mustardisbetter
January 16, 2008 4:48 PM
Art by: Toujours
“I decided to stop pitying myself. Other than my eye, two things aren't paralyzed, my imagination and my memory.”
Jean-Dominique Bauby
Jean-Dominique Bauby
3,954 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 3601 – 3800 of 3954 Newer› Newest»It wasn't a bug deal, though. I was at the show, right in front of Frank and was not at all what other people have said it was. Other kids made it sound like he got up there with a knife and tried to kill Frank or something. He just went up and started singing. Everyone, Gerard, Frank, Bob, was laughing.
It was really funny.
What indeed, L! ;P
The man did not drop the ben-gay. Some girls threw it up there and it had their numbers on it according to them.
Nah, the guy dropped it.
Or, you know, big.
'Cause it seriously fucking wasn't.
I'd heard that the guy dropped it.
what the hell are you talikg about. eliza only met gerard in '04 not way before revenge.
I like "bug deal", Entropy ;)
Manufactured drama, all day, all night.
I rememeber you saying entropy, but it is lucky it was someone harmless, there has been bad stuff happen in situations like that before
and hello!
Amyranth said...
L, that's insanely true of anyone in everyday life. Not just Gerard.
I think that's the part that we frequently forget.
-A
Exactly, Amy, he's no different than the rest of us. He's just a guy from Jersey who has an amazing gift of a voice that goes straight to people's hearts. But he doesn't have the answers, he doesn't have them for him, I don't think, much less anyone else.
When we were at PR last year, I saw a young girl, maybe around 15 or so, who had "Gerard Way Is My Life" sharpied on her arm.
I wanted so badly to go over to her and tell her, "don't put that on him. Be yourself, be your OWN life."
L.
"
How do you go from being a shunned teenager who kept to yourself to the limelight where people tell you how wonderful you are, but can you do this for me, and how about this, one more photo, one more signature, etc. WITHOUT wondering what happened?
Without falling into traps and trying to fit in and trying to be who you really are at the same time?
When you don't think anyone wants who you might really be?
L."
I don't know why don't you ask your idol FRANK IERO who was shunned even worse in high school and never grew up to be a dickhead?
Why would a girl a young girl bring Ben gay to a show. I am sorry but that sounds made up.
As far as Cuts. I think she was in lust with him but she was using him
Anonymous said...
Manufactured drama, all day, all night.
Welcome to the Internet, here's your ticket. Enjoy the ride.
-A
lol a bug deal - that's how it sounds if you're a new zealander.
True, Amy, true. Point well taken, I knew what I was signing up for.
Well, Blogger is being a bitch. It has taken me over an hour now to get this page to pull up.
GRRRRR!
Just wanted to tell you guys that I'll miss you all this weekend! I'll be back on Sunday.
Mayo,
If you stop by while I'm gone, I hope you are doing well. For real, I do. I don't talk to you a whole lot but I just wanted you to know. Have a great weekend.
SS,
Same to you, dude. I know you can't be happy all the time. I know that. Not saying that you are unhappy or anything! Not at all. It's just that I think we kind of expect you to be in a good mood all the time and that's just not reality is it? Nah. We're here for you though. Whatever kind of mood your in, whatever is going on. I hope you know that. ^_^
BlogBelieve!
You guys have a great weekend and play nice while I'm gone!
♥'s to you all!
XOXO,
S&V20
Hey, Ergo!
Yeah, true, it could have been a crazy chick.
There are times when we're only able to live through others, to live vicariously.
It's kinda the way it goes.
Hey Anon, so long as you don't take it to heart, and view it as entertainment, it's just like TV, except you can have your own input!
-A
Comments ont the youtube video
Haha
yeah
we all laughed
it was pretty funny
but we put our numbers on that and he kept it
on the stage on gee's drum set
i almost cried
im so happy me and my friend
fuckign threw
that but he thinks it was
that old dude who jumped on stage
haha he wishes he loved him
as much as we do
Frank smokes a lot of weed
Have a good night, S&V! I shall buy you sumfin' tomorrow :D
Yeah, itty kids be wrong and only wishing.
And how do you know he didn't grow up to be? And just hides it better.
smoking weed gives you man boobs.
I don't believe everything I read on the net. Two girls comment about what they claim to have done doesn't convince me. I need proof. Anyway why not a pack of cigarettes. Not like you can get someone older than you to buy them for you.
anon please note
the emergency exits are as follows
2 at the front
2 over the wings
2 to the rear
if the blog is in need of oxygen a mask will drop from the ceiling, tug firmly to release the air, please secure your own mask before helping others
there is a life jacket under your seat with a whistle and light for attracting sharks, for if noone saw the flaming wreckage falling to earth the tiny little light wont help.
Goodnight S&v hello entropy how are you
goodnight Smoke have a great and safe weekend
ergo, if I could make one of those little html hearts you would be getting on right now.
I don't know why don't you ask your idol FRANK IERO who was shunned even worse in high school and never grew up to be a dickhead?
You sound like you have personal issues with Gerard, anon. Everyone deals with things differently.
Oh, and you're talking to the wrong Punk if you are trying to pin on the idol worship ribbon. But there is no "idol" about it for either of us. It's not all or nothing, anon. The world is full of various shades of gray.
L.
Getting ONE, not ON!
See ya, Smoke!
Have fun with whatever you're doing. You'll be all sorts of missed.
And hey, Martha!
Entropy said...
And how do you know he didn't grow up to be? And just hides it better.
or he's fortunate enough to have a very loving stable family and people around him to help him grow from it.
speaking of man boobs.....you see the have a bra with a solar panel and intelligent fabric that can produce enough power to charge an diPod?
Hell's bells, is that the time?? Must head to bed!
Have a good night, all :)
*blinks*
Bra with a solar panel?
thank you anon!
and for future reference its:
& hearts ; but without the spaces
♥
Goodnight, Smoke. Sweet dreams.
Hello, Entropy!
Ergo, that is fantastic! That's what they SHOULD tell you on the flights!
L.
seriously RW I think it was triumph It was on the radio yesterday (it's not for sale yet) I'll see if I can find it
and goodnight and sweet dreams
Goodnight, RW. Hope you are headache free tomorrow!
L.
solar bra
now i know where Gerard gets the "i wanna hear you fuck yourselves" shit from
http://www.youtube.com/
watch?v=QODLFzhbkV0
She's got electric boobs,
A mohair suit
You know I read it in a magazziiinnne...
Not sure about that one, Ergo. Hell, I'd hate to see how much power I could get. J. just said I could probably jumpstart a car battery!
And would there be a feature you would have to turn off if a guy started to unhook it so it wouldn't shoot him across the room like a wiffle ball from a leaf blower?
L.
Night Rw! May you dream of frolicking Tauntauns, and hurtling moon bases.
L: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Okay, enough lurking... bye, guys :)
Thanks anon, I'll do my best :)
I like reusable shopping bags, but not stuffed in my bra!
pic of bra It also appears to be able to boost your bust!
L we have Virgin Blue, an airline run by Virgin Richard Branson and they do occasionally say it attracts sharks, one flight I was on I was in the back row and 2 hostesses kept making static noise into the mic while the steward was doing the spiel it was really funny, they are very friendly fun crew usually. It's a great airline
Youtube anon, we should have known it wasn't original, not much of what he does is. :)
L that is hilarious!
EP: she looks like she's wearing lawn turf.
*didn't watch the vid*
Who said it originally?
i can't believe Gerard is letting that little fuck Jimmy Urine have such an influence on him.
it's like Jimmy and Lyn-Z fucking brain washed him
I didn't watch the whole thing, but it linked to MSI and good ole Jimmy.
Hey, L!
Hey everyone. Sorry, I'm so bad at the hey thing.
Mayo,
I seriously don't know what the fuck tonight. I had tons of good stuff in my head earlier. Lots of lyrics, quotes, rhymes, songs, and words, but now......
How about this??
You haven't sat with me in a long time. Can we pretend that we're sitting together? You know, our usual spots. I'm on the couch sitting cross legged and you are in the chair across from me. We make small talk as we write, scribble, and doodle. You laugh at my walkman. No, I still don't have an ipod, but I will. I look up to find you not writing, staring off into space. I watch you for a minute. You catch me and I immediately drop my head. I reach for the back of my neck. I rub it when I get nervous. I start writing. I wonder if you can tell that I am writing the same word over and over again. Now, you return the favor. You stare at me. I think I have given you plenty of time. That surely you can't still be looking at me, but when I look up there your eyes are. And they are locked with mine. You ask me what I'm working on. I tell you it's the same shit I'm always working on. You just nod and smile. I tell you that I have the longest worst case of writer's block ever. You tell me it's because I'm looking in the wrong place for the words. I laugh because I know that I've heard that before. There's a long awkward silence and I realize we have just been sitting there looking at each other. I finally manage to open my mouth and out comes a whisper.."Are you okay?"
But I realize that you probably didn't hear me, you have already gathered your things and are walking away.
Now, I am left wondering. But I notice a balled up piece of paper on the floor, I pick it up and begin to open it. Just one word written, over and over and over.
You.
I look up again. You are just past the doorway. You point at me, smile and walk away.
And suddenly, I know where to find those words.
But now, I am wondering about the answer to my question.
Mayo, thanks for hanging with me in the corner of my mind tonight. You never cease to inspire me.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. So, are you?
Goodnight RW.
I don't even want to know what the panties do
Are you serious? He's taking pointers from Jimmy Urine now??
Are you sure it was Jimmy who said it first, and not G-Way saying it & Jimmy borrowing it from him?
Thanks, Ergo. I have to say, that bra is not the prettiest thing is it? Since you are the "Q" of the blog, can you make us special power bras for when we all go out on secret missions? Maybe a little lace or so?
L.
Goodnight SD. I think pissface said it first. It does sound like something he would say.
Ooops! Was heading to bed. Got sidetracked...
Okay, goodnight :)
rw,
the video is from 2006 and i think MSI have been doing it for years.
Mayo:
I don't often do this, but tonight, I think I will make an exception.
You have me worried, dude. Don't ask me why. Don't ask me how. I can't answer you.
But, I guess my own insecurities have me wanting to tell you something. We are still here. I sometimes feel like we float out too far for you to reach, or maybe we're not hitting you in the gut like we used to, that's if we ever did. I'm not quite sure how to describe it, but I feel disconnected.
You're tied up, neck and neck, with the only other person I ever garnered any meaning from. Everyone else fell by the wayside. Meaning is all I have, Mayo. And those that provide it, though I know neither of them, they mean something to me.
You have to know that if you ever want, if you ever feel like you need to, you can actually use your blog for yourself (What a concept, right?) and shed some of the things that are bogging you down. You can use it like we do. I know that sounds stupid, because you do use it they way you choose and I guess that's enough, but I'm just sayin'.
We want to help if there's a problem. We want to be there if there's something happy or joyful going on. We can still do all of that if you want us to. We can be your friends.
Take care of yourself, and don't be a ghost.
Night, Mayo.
P.S. Remember, whenever you want to switch up line duties, we can.
SS:
Don't think you're getting off the hook without any mushy stuff either. ;)
There have been so many people today tell you that we will be here for you if you ever need us. Add me to the list.
You haven't failed us, not once. We don't want to let you down either, so know that if there's ever a time you need to let shit go, we can handle it, and we give pretty damn good advice on how to deal.
Just thought I'd let you know once more.
Have a nice evening, okay? We hope to see you around soon. :)
I don't even want to know what the panties do
Act as a mini greenhouse?
Amy Lee
Was on the lists of interesting vocalists? No fucking way!
Hi BC!
Okay, going... no, really!
Jesus fucking christ.
anon - what a shame he had to copy, but very glad it didn't become a regular thing
Mikey fucking Way
Blogger resurrected wreck said...
I don't even want to know what the panties do
Act as a mini greenhouse?
May 15, 2008 11:01 PM
O_O
that sounds so wrong
goodnight RW
mini greenhouse? do not want to know what you're planning on growing!
Goodnight mib
One could grow cucumbers, MJ!
*darts away*
anon at least Amy Lee doesn't sound like a few dozen other manufactured poplets.
I think Christina Agluiera has an amazing voice, I'd love to hear her use it more extensively
goodnight mustard sweet dreams
Rw I know those cucumbers are not for eating.
Goodnight, SDock, Mustard. Sweet dreams.
RW,
CUCUMBERS?!
L.
Gerard stole the crown orgasm thing from Jimmy Urine but...... what I would like to know is that Lyn Z with some guy's hand up her skirt and why???
crowd not crown
He's after her cucumbers, anon.
Isn't it fuckin?
Get it right, son!
Go to bed already!
All the beautiful wasted good nights.
Okay!
what I would like to know is that Lyn Z with some guy's hand up her skirt and why???
May 15, 2008 11:09 PM
It looks like her and it looks like someone us doing somethign under her skirt for sure..
resurrected wreck said...
He's after her cucumbers, anon.
Anonymous said...
Go to bed already!
RW I may just have to agree with the anon on that one! :)lol
perhaps he's adjusting her solar panel?
I think it is a tech working on her bass. Why he needs to work on something that isn't really being used i don't know
I think I am going to head off to bed too, guys. Hope everyone has a good night, and take care of yourselves and each other.
To all my BlogBelieve sisters and brothers,
Love ya,
L.
goodnight l
SS,
If only one time
We are destined to get it right
Let us find the hand of friendship
Of love and hold it tight
For to be there is a promise
That you make to deepest friends
And I promise I will be there
To always hold your hand
Just seemed right for you tonight, my friend. Hope you are doing well, and know you are loved.
Pactum Serva,
Because its all about the love.
L.
Night, L.
Kapunua I know you had a hard time here lately and I am not one of those anons who is here to give you a hard time. I'm sorry if it looks that way but I swear and promise I'm not. I think what happened was god fucking awful. I'm here to tell you that I am glad you're not doing your good night anymore. Please don't take that the wrong way. After what happened on here and after all the months you stuck by Mayo and gave him good wishes...... when it came time where all he had to do was say what someone asked him to say, that he didn't HATE you, that he didn't APPROVE of what happened to you.....he didn't. Four words. "I don't hate her". Then they would stop saying it. Six words. "That shouldn't have happened to you". That's all it would take.
But instead he took the pussy way out and said some stupid shit like "I don't like hateful speech and the anons were alarming". He didn't even have the balls to say your fucking name, not once.
I lurked for a long time here and I watched you and the rest of the ladies here offer your friendship. I see from the outside how he fixates on one of you at a time and then shoves you to the side and never talks to you again. Bleeding Chaos. You. Elena. I read Elena's good nights and I see her begging him for contact too. "I know you don't listen to me anymore Mayo". "I'm just babbling so just ignore me like I know you're going to".
Mayo said the bullshit that he doesn't have time to spend with you. Who needs to spend time. A few precious words that you all hang on is all he had to do.
What went on here in the last few weeks has been a huge pile of shit and Mayo never had the balls to say "that was wrong", why, probably because he knows that it would piss off other people if he stood up for Kapunua. He is a coward and a pussy, too scared to say what he really feels. That's why he wrote it about EVERYbody. He said he would fight for each of you. BUT HE DOESN'T.
Kapuna you used to say a sweet and loving good night to Mayo every night. Your wishes for him to have good dreams fell on deaf ears. When it came his turn to give something back to you which he EASILY could have, just a few simple words like "anons, leave her alone, I don't want her to leave like you all say I do" he couldn't even spare A FEW WORDS FOR YOU. After all of the words you gave him. All he has for you is "I know you all can take care of yourselves". Bullshit, FRIENDS lend a helping hand. Even if there is nothing they can do, they can talk to you. But Mayo can't even do that. SS does. Mayo doesn't bother.
I am personally sorry that you lost your job over this. I am personally sorry that people called you ugly names over and over and over..... and over again. It has nothing to do with me BUT I AM STILL SORRY. Because I am a human. I don't think you deserved it at all. That's all Mayo had to say. I know my words probably don't hold as much weight as his but I still want you to hear them..... All of you.
K I do agree with the nasty evil anons about one thing. Mayo does not like you. You don't mean tha tmuch to him. But I hope someday you mean something to someone who deserves your good nights.
Mayo,
Goodnight to you as well, sweetheart. Take care of yourself, and those who truly love you. Look for them. They will be the ones with blistered hands from holding on to you so tight.
Stay on the ride, no matter what.
Love you,
L.
I posted my thoughts on your blog too Kapunua. I hope you do not mind.
goodnight L
anon that was well thought out and nicely put. Thanks for not coming on and just being obnoxious like some anons do. Don't know if I agree that mayo doesn't care, but I can see how a few words could have made a difference
and sweet dreams too L
is J coming on? If not goodnight and sweet dreams to her too.
Mayo is sort of a poop, yet he holds my interest. Of course, so does Farmer Wants a Wife, so my standards may be a bit low.
Thank you ErgoProxy and the other anon. Ergoproxy I admire you because you keep a level head and you don't get carried away with Mayo worship, and you are able to see reason. I admire you for that... And Kapunua I hope I didn't put you on the spot, if so I didn't mean to but I felt I had to speak my mind.
Ergo, I should quantify, that's a heinous reality show currently airing in the US.
Hello darlings :)
Where is everyone?
Anon
Here's the deal. I talk to Mayo the same way I always have. I talk to him as a friend. I tease him that I don't think he's gonna read what I write cause honestly I wouldn't read what I write if I didn't write it. But I do know that sometimes he does read it and that's okay too. So please just ignore what I write in the future. I enjoy writing my goodnight, I don't care if it gets read or not. Hope this doesn't sound cranky to you but I really hate being talked about when I'm not around. If you would like to say something about me then have the courtesy to say it to me not about me.
thank you so much anon that's really kind of you to say
:)
and thanks other anon for qualifying that I had no idea what you were talking about! I take it it's like the Bachelor? But on a farm? Do they make the women do farm stuff?
Hi MJ, Elena.
Hello Elena how are you and thank you for the book. I love it
Oh yeah, Ergo, catching chickens, shoveling poo, riding tractors, everything.
hi cupcake! how are you sweetie?
ELENA! I was just wondering where you were today, how are you?
Oh I wore my shirt after my shower last night, with black leggings.
Hello CC how are you?
Hi Ergo.
That was nice of you for your words, anon, but Kapunua herself has said repeatedly that Mayo should not be brought into things. That she knew if he appeared to take sides it would cause trouble. That's why he HAS been so careful not to do that. She has said it would be too much of a burden on him, and that the last time he did that the Miracle Whip fiasco happened. Mayo is our friend, he just knows what he should stay out of.
I'm ok guys, how are things with you?
haha anon I bet a lot of them don't know what's hit them! Must admit I avoid any poo shovelling, though I've done my share of chicken catching, stupid birds!
I'm pretty good thanks cupcake, It's a lovely day here today, hows it down south by you?
You doing anything for the weekend? I think we're going to a family day thing then beach for fish and chips on sunday
Last time there was a girl trying to drive a tractor is white almost stilleto heels. That was amusing.
TAKE SIDES AGAINST WHAT?? How would Mayo saying "I don't hate her or that was wrong of that to happen create another Miracle Whip fiasco? I am sorry but it's totally different. Saying that he doesn't HATE her when asked does not mean he's taking "sides".
Kapunua I should have thought before I wrote about this but..... If Mayo ever does write to you again the fact that I called him out would mean I "put him on the spot" and it would make anything he said to you, meaningless if he was forced to do it. I just wanted YOU do know that I agree that he doesn't like you anymore, because it would have been easy of him to say that he does. Also that I'm sorry and that your words will have a special meaning to someone some day, someone who deserves them...
That was nice of you for your words, anon, but Kapunua herself has said repeatedly that Mayo should not be brought into things. That she knew if he appeared to take sides it would cause trouble. That's why he HAS been so careful not to do that. She has said it would be too much of a burden on him, and that the last time he did that the Miracle Whip fiasco happened. Mayo is our friend, he just knows what he should stay out of.
Sign in, Elena.
Mayo's words that day meant a lot to many people. He did the right thing. Thank you Mayo.
CC I am well
It's changeable weather down here Ergo, it's lovely at the moment.
This weekend I plan to work on some writing or something. And clean house a little I think. :)
Anon that wasn't me. I am signed in and I will stay that way.
Believe me if I have something to say I always say it under my name.
Glad to hear it MJ. :)
Hey Martha, Cupcake, and Ergo
Martha glad you liked the book. I was hoping you didn't have that one.
I just got back from my daughters graduation.
Another lovely day in Mayo-dise, I see!
Hey Elena, Ergo, Martha, Cupcake! Is it Buy One Get One Free Anon Day?
Anon, YOU're asking someone to sign in. I'm laughing on the inside. Really.
J
11:49
You should have left your comment at HER blog if you didn't want to cause trouble, trying to force his hand.
Your daughters graduation Elena? wow! that must have been amazing. :)
Hello J how are you?
Elena how was it?
HI J
elena how as the graduation? when does the school year end there? We go Jan - Dec but you guys don't do you?
lol tractor in stilettos! and white! on a farm!! Obviously they aren't choosing the smartest cards in the deck
11:56 so true.
His hand can't be forced, except maybe down his pants.
Hi there J :)
Hi Martha, I'm doing pretty well tonight! What kind of book did you get, if you don't mind sharing?
Elena, I completely forgot about graduation! Is she a happy grad? I tried to call you about an hour ago, but got a busy signal. Now I know why!
J
It was really nice. There were 146 kids graduating. This probably doesn't sound like a large number but when I graduated from the same school our class had only 72. The town is getting bigger. LOL
I dont think Mayo should be brought into this. At all. You shouldn't expect him to individualize anyone. Alot of people go through shit not just her.
Oh no, because no intelligent women would subject themselves to such nonsense. Granted, Farmer guy is kind of hot, but ick! And I totally forgot about the goat milking they had to do, one girl was in tears!
I just had a rum and raisin chocolate which was pretty nice, considering I don't like rum or raisins!
Hey Ergo, hey Cupcake! How's it going?
No more snoring cats right now, at least. :)
J
dr who
well anon I must say farmer guys can be pretty damn nice..that's how I ended up on a farm!
I was a nice city girl, but why cry when milking a goat?But then why even go on a show if you are afraid of farm animals? I mean they expected a fluffy bunny and pretty flower farm?
12:02
I agree
Ah yes, Martha, I should've remembered! Cool beans. I read the "24" novels, myself. It amazes me how much detail these authors pack into a supposed 24-hour day. Three hundred plus pages of Jack Bauer adventure...
J
That sounds awesome Elena. :)
J, I'm doing alright, how are you? :)
Yes, Ergo, I think they did not know what they were in for, at all. The life actually looks appealing to me, but alas I am not single and on the prowl for a hardbody farmer.
ok anon? I'm on the website, Matt seems nice enough, and must be pretty smart but the girls "Oh My GOD!" as they seem to say alot
so which one do you think has the best chance?
Cupcake, I remain amazed and confused. :) Mayo's is good for that. You know, any number of psychology majors could write billions of research papers based on us. And never repeat themselves.
J
Elena, when's TJ coming back?
J
Oh J, I know what you mean! We have our own little village here, with the same dynamics as any community.
why is it, I can't come and visit without seeing more romantic nonsense.
CUT IT OUT!
12.14:
Wha?
Cupcake, we're sort of like The Stepford Wives!
J
So far, Ergo, I'm going with Amanda. I like the chick from NY, but I don't think she's right for him. And I can't stand Brook and Lisa.
ooh Stepford Wives is on here tonight!
Not sure J
She's planning on hanging at her moms for a while then coming here.
lol on occasion J!
Ergo, I thought we WERE the Stepford Wives...?
Ooh, I know: PEYTON PLACE! Or even: KNOTS LANDING! Oh yeah.
J
No I put it here because I want HIM to know that some people see him as a pussy and a coward who can't even stand up for people.
And for the record I have never been signed in and I have always posted as an anonymous.
It's funny how certain people get in trouble with you for not accepting anons (doesnt' K always get yelled at for not being accepting enought o anons)??? but she has always been nice to me when I talked to her. And Mayo has even SAID that he doesn't want to waste his time on anons and yet no one dares to question that.
My love, my true love, anon 12:14. From the eternity I have sensed you, waiting for me....my love, in our anonness, we are one.
12.14
Romance is never nonsensical
12.20 you're an idiot
anon I had a look at them and Amanda struck me as the best possibility, the others seem to like shopping and partying etc a bit too much.
And farm life is pretty good, though you actually have to be pretty level headed and able to cope with stuff that happens. I love the quiet and the animals but for eg I have no oven and probably wont for 2 more weeks at least, so we are using the bbq with a metal tub over it, and we've run out of water, had dead animals (deliberate and accidental) and I have to drive 1/2 hr to even get to a shop but I really wouldn't want to trade it!
NO, it's called a sense of humor.
we do have water now I mean at times we've run out.
and 12:20 I think that's funny
J I think we would be like Fantasy Island!
12.23
It seems some people have no sense of humor or romance.
:-(
So Amanda it is, I'm placing my (virtual) bet now. Back when I used to watch The Bachelor I could always pick the final one. And I'm glad you enjoy your life Ergo! That's so cool.
ERGO HAS WATER! yay.
So when does your new Power Bra become available for wear?
On "The Kids Next Door," (great cartoon) two of the boys thought "bra" stood for "Battle Ready Armor." Laughed my ass off at that episode!
One of the boys put one on and said, "You know, I DO feel kind of powerful..."
J
No, seriously, you guys (besides Ergo) didn't get that?
i just discovered my teddy bear has a livejournal.
he left comments on my most recent entry today.
what do think this is? A Midsummer Night's Dream?
Anon...yeah, I got it. Just figured somebody'd chew me out for commenting. It was funny.
TJ...uh, are you on some kind of cold medication?
J
You channeling GV, TJ?
Fantasy Island!! I so wish I had my Saturday night Love Boat/Fantasy Island combo pack back. That, was some good television.
no, nothing like that. i was once mucking about on myspace and made a page for my teddy bear (who is a wizard and was once very much alive...long story), and today he showed up on livejournal!
it's funny. :)
TJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ
What's ya doin'?
TJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hello!!!!!
thanks anon you'll have to let me know how she goes!
thanks J having water is nice, I nearly ran the tank out last night as I left a soaker hose going all night,but it was full so it wasn't all the water, but the garden is VERY well watered now!
that bra (battle ready armour) remined me of the spongebob movie when moustaches made them brave
No, not funny, crazy.
I lOVED the Love Boat! I always used to be excited to see who the guests were.
*smooshes elena and ergo in squeezy hugs*
hiiiiiiii!
oh, ouch.
note to self: no jumping around making squeezy hugs when sick.
head hurts.
Jimmy Urine making the crowd moan for him two years ago: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QODLFzhbkV0
and again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_eiZ__Z_uk&feature=related
and again:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVM7W12Axfs (Jimmy Urine gets the 99% 13 year old audience laid by doing an interactive sex exercise at the Pheonix on July 23, 2006.
At the end is a brief into to I hate Jimmy Page)
Does anyone else notice how Gerard seems to want to BE Jimmy Urine???
Yeah, except for Charo, good Lord, that woman was on there umpty leventy times. How many times could she stowaway?
*heh*
maybe a little crazy 12:38, but harmless.
unless...
you don't like teddy bears...?
*squints suspiciously*
Toujours pretty much lost it. She's sending messages to Gerard who she thinks is Mayo, she followed this band around the country and based so much on that which is unhealthy in the first place. Now her teddy bear is alive and had a mySpace.
Hi TJ :)
Sorry I didn't greet you sooner, I stabbed myself in the finger with a needle while I was sewing.
'Coz I'm cool like that. :P
Anon said:
Does anyone else notice how Gerard seems to want to BE Jimmy Urine???
No.
J
I don't really know what to say, 11:26.
Swinging back in to say goodnight to everyone.
Goodnight. ♥ to my friends.
I don't think he wants to be Jimmy Urine. Most days, I don't think he wants to be Gerard Way. Maybe he wants to go back to being Garry.
Meow?
-A
Anon at 12:41
Know so much you do?
You don't know shit.
Don't start with Teej.
-A
King Lear is alive.
Well, in Blogbelieve.
-A
Goodnight Anima, sleep well. :)
Huh. Well like I said, I don't really know what to say about that, Concerned Anon (I don't know what else to call you.)
I guess I'll just tell what happened at where I used to work. I'm still keeping in touch with some of my close friends from there. But there are one or two there who I thought were close friends, but I guess were not.
As it happens, the anons made up some stuff that I never said. Certain people never even questioned it. I've heard things that I supposedly wrote that are preposterous. So, instead of people who claimed to love me, and who always thanked me for being a great friend--and believe me, I was--standing up for me or hell, even asking me if it was true, those people just covered their own asses. It's weird because one girl there, we were very close. I'm really surprised. I have to ask myself, how hard would it have been for her to say, "Hey, maybe that stuff never actually happened?" Or to call me to ask? Obviously the message is clear: you risk losing your job if someone even claims that you said something, so I semi-sorta understand her hesitancy to even ask me if it was true or not. (It wasn't. I was really surprised when I heard what I supposedly said. This is news to me.)
So while the mean anons did me a huge favor in the long run by getting me out of a really toxic situation, I would have liked to keep that one friend.
On the other hand, how much of a friend could she have been if she couldn't even be bothered to speak a word in my defense?
I get what you are saying, I guess. And sure it hurts.
Someone brought up the whole Miracle Whip thing and I recalled something I wrote actually the day before I even knew a thing about it.
Now you've got all our answers,
your basket, our eggs
but to paw at your table?
Well, a wolf never begs.
That still holds true.
You made me think, anon, if you are the same one who said this a few weeks ago, if you are "Annoyed on Long Island" or even if you're a bunch of different anons. All of you anons made me think. You made a huge difference in my life. The mean anons, whether they realize it or not, rescued me out of an ugly situation. And even though it was harsh, they showed me who my best friends are, and more importantly, who they aren't.
I'm babbling I guess, and I'm sorry.
How about this, Concerned Anon: Good night to you. I hope you dream of a rainforest, but without the huge creepy bugs that eat you.
Speaking of anons, Calaf and/or Spooky anon, where have you been?
Well, that's it for me. Good night! Ergo, I will sleep really loose tonight. Like, ridiculously loose. ;)
goodnight anima! sweet dreams
lol Charo she cracks me up seriously!
she was the guest star when there were no other spare guest stars.
and anon, an LJ not a myspace, teddy's prefer LJ
Garry for the fucking win!
P.S. I met Charo. *wondering in...hoping not to make a fool*
So yes, met her. I even did a half time football show with her. Random silly fact about Anima. ^_^
Nighty night. :)
Awww thanks Cupcake and Ergo...
Happy dreams to you the next time around.
I'd also like to add that, yeah, sure it bugs me when the anons--both mean and well-meaning--tell me that Mayo doesn't like and is done with me etc. I mean, that's never pleasant to hear, you know?
But like the situation outside of BlogBelieve, unpleasantness does not preclude truth. Unfortunately. So I guess the gist of this is that pretty much, I still don't know what to say except that, yes, it is possible that people you like to believe think fondly of you, really don't.
awesome K hope you're very loosely comfortable and no icky dream bugs for you either, goodnight
Night K
Hey Anima
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