Devour me.
Pass me through your lips,
divine.
Chew me up and spit me out,
or swallow me
in time.
Take me.
Pull me in or toss me
aside.
Rejoice in my undying faith
while insinuating
my rhyme.
Shame me.
Judge me with your kind eye,
wise.
Give reason to my rambling
while presuming
my crime.
Reach me
Touch me with your words,
sublime.
Teach me a lesson and rise
or bear witness
my unwind.
p.s. if you continue to hammer the nail the point may find its way clear through or the fucking pounding will cause its head to bury itself too far into the wood to ever be pulled out.
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3,957 comments:
1 – 200 of 3957 Newer› Newest»Hello Mayo
Hope you're well
Totally agree with your p.s.
There is a lot of be said for "driving on" and letting go of the past.
Oh Holy Hell
Where is everybody?
Mayo, you still here?
Promise I won't bite...
Just feeling all alone and wanting to talk.
I won't even be annoying.
Oh wait, I'm probably already doing that.
Sorry
Hi there. It's wonderful to hear from you.
This post is quite intriguing; no different than the rest, but this is really hitting me - could be my mood.
How are you?
I hate this...
I don't like being alone.
Told you today was weird.
Mayo, I have read the poem over and over. There is so much I want to say but can't. Words escape me. Really.
Kapunua, I just read your last comment. Please stop by.
Hey Anima
Glad you showed up. Wonder how you knew there was a new post....
Elena, I'm here.
And I agree. Not that I ever really have much to say, but I wish I could find the words just this once. I can't seem to describe even in my own mind.
I wonder too! Actually I just finished smoking and decided to check in. My heart always sinks a little when I see a new post. Do you ever feel that way?
Not after reading it I mean, but just before...I just get this skip in my heart. Wondering and worrying about our friend. It's not knowing what to expect that, well, just ... fuck, I can't explain.
Actually when I see a new post it's like my mind goes into overdrive. Too many thoughts all at once.
I'm just glad someone else showed up. I hate talking to myself.
I have no idea why I can't put into words how this post makes me feel. Sadness comes to mind.
I think part of the problem is I don't want to look stupid saying what I feel.
I really have to watch that because it's not hard for me to sound stupid.
Hi Mayo, SS, Elena, watchers, lurkers, everyone!
How are you all? Good, I hope!
I am very late today.
Guess what I was doing, Elena? Go ahead....take a guess.
Hint: It's something I don't do much.
That's correct! I was sleeping!!!!
:D
Thank you for the new post Mayo.
Yes, the constant pounding gets old, doesn't it?
Sometimes I think people forget they may wish to extract that nail later.....
I suppose they could dig the nail out; but, that leaves a fairly large hole.
Oh well, I suppose they could use extra nail filler and hope the touch up paint is a good match!
Hello to anyone who came in while I was typing!
Hugs and Love,
~Namaste~
6/Wendy
Elena, you never sound stupid. Not once have I ever read something of yours and thought that. You have a great insight.
I just got a package in the mail from my friend who works in a garden center. On the side of the box, it says WORM POWER 12 UNITS. That made me laugh. Also, K, how can I donate to your charity? I have a thing for the birdies and would like to contribute. Oh, and hai Mayo, I like the poem, made me think.
Hey Wendy
Good to see you.
Hello Anima! How are you today?
It's good to see you too, Elena!
And you Carrie; and Anima; and Mayo!
*hugs for all*
Mayo, my friend, do know how badly I wish I could sit down with you and talk about all of this? I am so much better in person - I have this sense of clarity that just comes over me and this determination to understand, to help; here in this place, I feel helpless. I apologize. Maybe one day I will be able to offer something more to you than I am able to do here at this moment.
Hi Wendy, hi Carrie. Nice to see you both.
...
I need to go now. :(
thank you mayo, may your day be happier than mine.
have a lovely day everyone, you are all amazing, no matter what anyone says or thinks.
Bye (for now) Anima! I think you are very helpful!
Elena: I don't think you ever sound 'stupid'. I am quite certain that I, on the other hand, make little to no sense sometimes!
Oh well.....
;)
Still pleased Mayo?
Can you at least say who this post s to? Is it to SS? Or your wife maybe you rcybering partner?
How are you today, mayo?
Are you doing anything interesting with your wednesday afternoon?
Wendyyyyyyy!!!
Where have you been?
We missed you and waited for you!!!!
I think the post is about the blog, and about all the different things that are said on here.
Hello to everyone around!
How are you?
Hi and bye Fimble!
Siobhan!!!!!!!!!!
We're finally on at the same time!
*does a happy dance*
How are you? Where is Pixie? Is she off celebrating "VAPPU" already? I'm so sorry about Saturday!
Well, I don't know where she is now but we want to meet at AIM later on. Will you join us?
I'm doing fine, btw. Thanks for asking.
How are you?
That's right! She has the day off tomorrow so she can stay up late
:)
I shall try my best to be there!
What have you been doing, young lady? Still eating everything in sight? ;)
Yes, I do. haha
I'm desperately trying to gain some weight, but I can eat what I want not much happens.
But I don't want to complain. It would be worse if I always had to think about what I can or cannot eat.
Carrie: I think you may be correct!
Siobhan: Try putting extra MAYO on your sandwiches! ;)
Extra cheese may help too!
I've been well, by the way. Thanks for asking!
Hello 6,carrie FS and siobhan.
how are you?
I just wanted to say Kapu it doesn't matter if people scroll past or read everything you say. Just say what you feel and it they don't like it they can scroll past.
Like I just did for a conversation about spiders in the last post. Just scrolled right past after i saw spiders lay millions of eggs. yep ran right past that one. I should have done that with the Lyn-z interview as well.
Will do that, Wendy. :-D
I sent you an e-mail. Could you have a look if you received it yet?
Hi there, MJ!
How is it going?
They are showing a spider documentary on TV. Those creatures freak me out.
Channel change!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hi Martha! How are you today?
Yep, I've been told people scroll through everything I say....
Such is life!
It doesn't mean we should stop 'talking'. ;)
*is certain some wish we would, though*
**wink again**
Siobhan: Going check right now!
I love Vincent D'Onofrio!❤
I am well Siobhan I hate those things to.
Well if I was scrolling past I wouldn't have known about the spiders. So as you can see I try to read what is being said.
Yuck!
I think I have a mutant fly in my room. It just flew past a container filled with a lot of heavy stuff in it soap and other things. I bumped into it(the fly) and the container fell over.
I try to read everything too, Martha. Sometimes I DO speed read and I think I miss a lot/get a bit confused doing that! I must (once again) remember to slow down!
Well, I'm off to run some errands.
Have fun everyone and I'll see you later!
Hugs and Love,
~Namaste~
6/Wendy
I know people want me to shut the hell up but screw em. I want to talk. Or write whatever
hi there mayo!!
going to re read.
Yes, Wendy we will be there!
It's been really hard to keep up now because I go to bed early. I will come back and there will be two pages I haven't read or even a new post.
See you later, cousin! *hugs*
Well, I dunno what to tell you guys, I specifically did not "jump all over Mayo" as many people suggest and Mayo still did not come to talk to everyone, so I'm sorry, I don't know what else to do!
I'd love to be able to read this post and say, "Oh, Mayo, yeah I hear ya," but that's foolish, cause I don't.
Bye 6 and hello fasc how are you?
Hello Fasc!
How are you doing?
Hello Kapu how are you?
And Join the club. I never understand him.
MJ, did you see 'Harry Potter and the chamber of secrets'?
I almost passed out.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
Shit I have to go I will be back later. Bye
good bye guys, catch you all later.
very, very good to see you jules. you know what i think, so heck, knock ya self out hun.
see you all later.
Yes I did Siobhan Ask your question and i will answer later.
hello everyone here!!
i like this very much mayo but it kind of makes me feel sad.
Kapunua i just wanted to say that mayos would absolutely not be the same without you. you are a real character and please don't let what any anons or whatever say stop you coming here. not that i have really read many comments recently but i got the gist with what you said near the end of the last post.
oh and i am fine thank you martha and siobhan.
I really only have a few minutes, but I wanted to stop in say and say Hello to everyone.
crapola, i have to go as well
mayo, thank you for stopping in and saying hello. it is very much apprieciated, i hope you understand that.
have a lovely rest of your day.
xxx
The scene with that gigantic spider Aragog and his 'children'.
Ugh, why do I even remember it.
It scared me shitless.
oh hi there mayo!! lovely to see you in blue! you good??
ah! you've gone haven't you mayo?! oh well take care OK!!
Oh my God.
I'm freaking out.
Fasc, I need distraction. Help me.
whats up siobhan??
Hey Mayo
Good to see you!
Spiders. Ewwwwwww.
Hey Elena!
What's up?
spiders where siobhan??
hi elena!
via fs,
hello, mayo and ss and everybody.
from solly and smoke in birmingham.
we miss you all
Oh no worries, FASC, I am not leaving the blog or anything like that. ^_^ Just heeding what others were saying to me. In writing we call it "The snark rule." It's hard and fast and it goes like this: If three or more people tell you the same thing, it's probably true, even if you don't want to hear it.
solly and princess!!
we miss you guys!
have a fantastic time at the gig tonight!!
*hugs* to you both!!
If three or more people tell you the same thing, it's probably true, even if you don't want to hear it.
do anons apply to this rule though K??!
Blogger is really being weird
Anyway Siobhan
I'm at work, reading and thinking.
Wish I could stop thinking today.
My brain is tired.
I'm back...
Before I go, I just want to remind each of you to never compromise yourselves...you know, just be yourselves and do what makes you jappy.
I know it sounds corny, and most of you already know that, but I really, really mean it.
Thanks.
Nowhere, Fasc. *hoping*
I just remembered that HP movie with those disgusting huge spiders and now it tickles me all over.
Thanks right back at you Mayo
For so many things.
Be happy
Lulz for saying "jappy." ;)
FimbleJazz, please give those two meffers a text hug for me? I don't know how to text and do not in fact have a voice plan so I couldn't anyway (that's lame, I know,) but please do so for me? And give yourself one, too?
do you reckon its platinum or white gold??
tsiss
cheers mayo. you are a sweetie you know! beneath that sometimes gruff exterior and all!!
that links fucked guys i'll try again!!!!
will it work or not??
Thank you Mayo.
You too.
And you used 'jappy.' You are truly one of us!
who created jappy in the first place??
i'm all alone!!
*sighs*
No, you're not!
Siobhan said...
tsiss
?????
hello siobhan again!
so are you watching the harry potter film with spiders in now or what??
No, I was talking with MJ about spiders earlier on and then I remembered that scene in the movie and how much it grossed me out. It still does.
I just hate spiders.
i quite like them siobhan. well i'm not scaredof them. i have a phiobia of wasps and bees!! its a bad one! i hate the summer for the wasps! they are evil!
EDIT
scared of
obviously!
EDIT
phobia
obviously!! WTF!
I like bees but I hate wasps too.
Concerning the spiders, I think I got traumatized as a child when I watched 'Tarantula' and some other movie...
'Swamp', I think.
yeh! i can totally understand why people hate spiders though.
i am vaguely OK with bumble bees cos they are meant to be really placid. but honey bees can be angry little fuckers!!
Hello Mayonaise;
First, this post seems to remind me of something. Maybe it's reminding me of a song, I really really don't know, but it seems familiar. I like your P.S. I don't know why but I do. As always I don't get this post at all!
That one comment up there though, the one about being yourselves, yeah, that's something I've been hearing alot lately. It's not working. I can't really be myself if I have to hurt someone in the process. BUT, yes, you make sense. =]
Siobhan then I'm guessing you really wouldn't like the tattoo I'm gettting on Friday...
It's a black widow spider
*lol*
Fortunately, I never experienced angry bees. Only angry wasps. It's weird watching them eating meat.
A fellow student got stung by a hornet last week. Now, that was terrifying. Those are flying assholes for sure.
Paperheart
Good to see you. Trust me you have to be yourself. Even if it hurts someone else. If you don't, if you pretend to be what they want you to be it's a lie. Living a lie is terrible for everyone concerned.
hi PH!!
I can't really be myself if I have to hurt someone in the process.
some decisions can be really tough PH and it doesn't really get any easier with age!
elena are you getting that same one done and where????
Those are flying assholes for sure.
they are huge aren't they siobhan!!
i would just drop dead i think if one landed on me! i really think i would!!
Elena, don't get me started.
I just found out recently that black widows are really tiny. I always thought they had the size of a tarantula. Those little creatures are lethal. I mean, you can easily see a tarantula or a bird spider crawling around but it's harder to see those black widows.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!
Elena, I know exactly what you mean about living a lie. Sometimes it's easier to go down that route though, and believe me I hate it sometimes.
Hey FASC, Elena, Siobhan, Mayonaise, Anima, Anons, Lurkers, Fim, Smoke and Solly, Six, Carrie, Martha, Kapunua, and anyone else I missed from this new post! *hug*
Hello Paperheart!
How are you, dear?
Long time, no read.
We all freaked out, Fasc. Even the lecturer was petrified.
They look so creepy.
The good thing is they are still rare in Germany. Well, at least in the north/west.
yeh there aren't too many in england siobhan! i've only seen 3 or 4!
PH *hugs* to you too!
i'm trying not to let any part of the fan girl appear............BUT.............this is seriously the hottest pic i have seen of him in a while!! good god!
Siobhan! I'm good, how are you?
I never see you around much! I never see many people around actually, maybe because I'm never around much?
=]
I'm doing a-ok. Thanks for asking.
I'm not that much around anymore either, PH.
I know Siobhan. =[
I'm glad that you are alright though. :D
I'm off to eat something delcious.
Goodbye<3
Bye, PH!
I'm off to bed. It's been a busy day.
Goodnight, ladies.
Stay happy, stay healthy!
right guys its 21.23 here. i am off to shower, then sort some shit out, then sort some more shit out and then probably go to bed! yes my life is that fucking exciting!!
lovely seeing you mayo! thanks for the new post. take care and all that. you have changed so much it's unbelievable, or maybe you were always that person but just found it hard to come across as that person. *hugs* to you anyway. i think you are rather special and i don't think i've told you that before?!
SS you take care ok!! *hugs* to you too!
family have a fun evening!
love to you all!
bye PH and siobhan!
New Tattoo!
The face on his arm.
Fatty!
New post I see. Hi everyone who is here and everyone who isn't.
Bleeding Chaos if you are around, please email me your new address if you feel like it.
Kapunua if you are around I did get your email. Wow. Great post and I see how it relates. I will email you back in a bit but I want to make sure that the writer doesn't mind if I link to that post.
Kapunua sent me a post form live journal that I really like and we both felt it made a lot of sense concerning MCR and the stuff that goes on my blog. So just letting everyone know I might post some of the stuff there if it's really OK with the author of it and then put it at buzznet so prepare for the bang if I do.
I got a few messages saying that everytime I post a new blog you guys get slammed from the buzznetters. I am really sorry for that if that's true. But I also have so many people messaging me asking me to keep up the blog that I feel like I have to keep doing it. Some people feel that it gets back to MCR and they want it to continue.
I get a lot of crazy BN messages, believe me. I get a lot of hate for me. I get a lot of hate for Gerard. I don't want haters, I want people who just want certain things addressed. That's all, if people want my blog to be the voice of fans who don't understand, that's all I can do.
Kapunua I will definitely link that blog and hopefully it will somehow get back to Gerard. I think interviewers hang around on buzznet so that might be a good thing.
Am I wrong in thinking that some people here just want someone in the band to address what we feel is going wrong?
Oh and I am sorry, I missed this too. Can anyone give me a link to the Lyn-Z interview? I won't be able to watch them but someone can tell me what she said and I can link to it. No I am not going to say disgusting things about her, I just want to point out that she doesn't seem to think MCR is all that great with in fact Gerard said tha MSI has supported them for years.
Part 1
Part 2
Am I wrong in thinking that some people here just want someone in the band to address what we feel is going wrong?
I suppose there are some here that still feel that things are wrong within the band. Then there are those of us who feel that the band is moving in a positive direction. Things are much better and that continually dragging up the past and expecting a personal apology is very unrealistic and unnecessary.
goodmorning everyone!
hello mayo if you're still about, I was going to get up earlier but it's damn cold and it was much nicer in bed, so thanks for dropping by after your post, which I must say is sounding like you're being interpreted and related to many different ways by people in your life, just hang onto the ones who you see as seeing your true self, and you ps reminds me of here with the incessant anon posting about the same things for days.
Thank you whoever you are.
Elena I see where you're coming from too but MCR and Gerard have a voice and some fans feel like they don't. So as long as people still want things to be clarified, I will continue to keep the blog and keep it open and out there.
VV I understand how you feel but it is extremely rare bands ever come out to explain things unless it's something illegal (and even then sometimes not), band members leave and get replaced with no reasons ever given to fans because they feel it's issues that are theirs to deal with internally and that it's really just not really the fans business. Especially if it was very personal issues involved. We have no idea if the reasons that have been assumed are the real reasons for things, and we also assume that the issues brought up have been of great concern to all of them , which they may not have, we have no proof either way. I'm sure they realise fans care but the fact performances have changed for the better etc is likely showing a change.
Remember actions speak louder than words.
If anything you may get an interview sometime in the future saying "Oh yes back in 2007 we had some issues but we worked them out".
It'd be nice to hear it sooner and more detailed but I just doubt it would happen.
a personal apology is very unrealistic and unnecessary.
That's kinda how I feel, too.
I totally get trying to get the band to see what other fans are thinking and feeling, but what do you expect? Them to say something, say sorry, admit that they have been assholes? How will you find out if it ever does get to them?
I don't think they get any of it, anyway. Nor do they care, as long as they got people at shows and people buying records, they won't care about the fans they are dissapointed.
But. I do think it's cool that people are trying. It doesn't hurt to try. And I may be wrong about them not caring and shit.
In case anyone is here, Hello.
hello MissT entropy
I don't know who else is about
Hiya Ergo sweetie.
Hiya Entropy sweetie.
How are you both?
Did everyone else get abducted by aliens?
VV, what is your opinion on eliza?
did anyone read the two stories Eliza Cuts has on her myspace page.
it's a very interesting read and it's obviously about her and Gerard, except different names were used .it tells from how they met to the break up and everything in between.
www.myspace.com/elizacuts
onlyrealmyspace
I doubt if they ever will either, but I know that some people still want to be heard. I just actually put up the new post.
I think that if you think something is wrong, you can't stop speaking about it just because you think you won't be heard.
Oh and I don't have much of an opinion on Eliza. I don't know much about her. Gerard has slagged her off in the press numerous times but that's all I know. Back then Gerard didn't talk about his private life much and she was easy enough to ignore so I personally just focused on the music.
Hey, Ergo and MissTeeee.
I'm good, working. Psh to that.
Ergo, yeah, I just don't see them saying anything, ever.
After reading some of that I do have an opinion on Eliza. She's not that smart.
Hey Mayo!
It’s great to hear from you.
I can’t say I know exactly what’s the meaning behind your new post, but I really like it.It sounds very passionate.
And thanks for your advice.
Take care, friend.
Hola MissT,ergo,entropy and VV!
*HUGS*
PS:Mayo,thanks also for putting ergo's beautiful words up there!
Psh to that.
Ha ha ha E! you make me laugh.
So anon, I have read part one. Does she not know how to use spellcheck?
If that is her story, then she is a whore. Blatently going after another woman's man just cos she wanted him. They should burn women like her like they used to burn witches.
Veritavenom,
Eliza has the right to tell her side of the story. especially if Gerard has been slagging her off. fuck him!
*huge hugs* Bella.
How are you sweetie?
Hi VV, how are you sweetie?
thanks bella! I have called the butterfly Albert, wonder if he'll be about today ( i don't know how long they live)
How are you?
anon I had a look and really I'd say it's either made up or her romanticized version,catering for the masses who'll want to read the whole lot as I'm sure it's been linked to the other forums either way it's a pretty tacky thing to do if it's alluding to her relationship.
I looked at the start and the end and if she battled with drugs alcohol and depression and pulled herself out then good for her and I hope she's getting on with ther life.
I agree she has the right to tell her side of the story because he's been telling his. But she doesn't come off as smart.
Then neither does Lyn-Z so maybe Gerard likes them that way.
MISST,
Gerard was the one with the girlfriend.
he should have told Eliza from day one that he had a girlfriend, instead of asking for her email and talking on AIM for hours with her.
he could have ended it before it got out of hand.
Oh and hi Miss Tottenham how are you?? I am fine!
lol missT you really reminded me of The Holy Grail with the witch burning
"What floats?"
"straw"
"small pebbles"
"A DUCK"
"So...if she weighs the same as a duck....."
(that is of course paraphrased)
and though I wouldn't necessarily burn her there is nothing romantic or admirable about going after a man who is already in a relationship
(which her earlier blogs inferrred also)
Hiya VV, I'm good thanks.
Anon, you are right there. He bloody should have told her from day one.
They are both guilty of cheating and I hate cheaters so bad.
LOL Ergo, classic film.
I'm fine ladies, thanks.
Just having some problems with my computer tonight.
*GRRR*
VV,I think we've never talked before but I read your new entry and I do believe you're doing a great job...
What she has done is so hurtful. She is still writing about a so called relationship with a well known person on the internet, however she chooses to disguise it.
Regardless of what happened, and despite her personal feelings, I think she has crossed the line.
Why hasn't his old long term girlfriend said a thing?
I believe she thinks this is a personal issue, and no one else's business, even though she may have suffered immensely through the ordeal.
She probably has enough emotional maturity and would never, ever reveal anything. That is far more dignified.
and anon there is also nothing admirable about a guy who leads a girl on like that.
But it's her version which may not even be true either way.
Hi MissT, hi Bella, VV, Entropy, Ergo, and all those I missed today!
I read that earlier today, and it made me sick. I was hoping it wouldn't make it's way here. And I wish I never came across it in the first place. The whole thing points to her being completely obsessed with him and full on admitting that he told her several times he had a girlfriend and was 'in love' with her. Apparently that didn't stop her. And sadly, I feel like she used Mikey. And to top it off, not once did she explain what she loved about him. When you love someone you can go on and on about the little things they do that brighten your life.
I never had much respect for her, but this just solidified all my thoughts on the situation. In fact it makes me angry. I should just shut up. This is none of my business.
Hi Bellatrix, thank you. It's nice to hear when you know you're going to get beat up at Buzznet!!!
Wow after reading that they BOTH come across like creeps.
I'm ashamed for even commenting on the subject. I apologize to everyone here. I do not know the story - two sides to everything. I think it was wrong of her to even discuss it, but whatever, what's done is done.
Woooooow. I just read that in parts.
They are both seriously messed up people if any of that is true. They totally used each other.
Hi Verita!
*toodles off to read new entry!*
Commit Me Already.
By Eliza Siep
It was 8 pm at the fitness center on the army base in Germany. Emma had locked the doors and closed up shop for the night. She was the front desk girl at the fitness center and often worked out after the gym was closed. Her husband was away at war and had been gone for months. She thought about her abusive relationship with him frequently. She feared that he would return from war and actually kill her this time. She gave him three chances to get help and he refused on the grounds that she deserved the frequent beatings. She left Germany and her husband a month later while he was still at war. She hasn't seen the whites of his eyes since.
That night at the gym something special was to happen. As she was on the elliptical trainer she flipped through a rock magazine that she had purchased a day prior. She was reading an article on one of her favorite bands and there it was a tiny picture of 5 guys. She stared at what appeared to be the lead singer for what felt like 5 minutes. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She couldn't quit staring at the picture. She glanced at the band name and smiled at how clever and perfect it was? Black Pajama Party. She left the gym after the work out and promptly went home afterwards. She looked up the new band on their website. She liked the music ok but loved the bands esthetic. She kept up on the band a little and when she got back to the states they were the first band she went to see. They were opening for the opener and she traveled and hour and a half to see them. This was a dingy rock club that she found vile but frequented none the less based on the fact that it had the best shows. Emma stood at the merch area looking over Black Pajama Party t-shirts. At this time the lead singer happened to stumble up. He gave Emma the once over as her heart dropped to the bottom of her stomach. He pointed at one of the shirts and said to her,? You should get that one? I designed it.? Emma's reply was, ? I don't thin I am tough enough for that one.? He said, ? You look like you are?. Get that one in an extra small.? He was piss drunk and very smelly. She didn't get a shirt that night and she most defiantly was not and had never been and extra small, ever. She thought about the small exchange and wondered if she had just been hit on. She hadn't been hit on in a long time. The next morning over coffee with her mother she relayed the t-shirt event and told her mother she might just have a crush. The show the night before had been outstanding and she had yet to see a band with as much intensity as this band had to offer. There were 12 people there that night and to this day that experience was one of her favorite ever. It was safe to say that the other 11 people would probably agree with her.
Soon after the show Emma enrolled in cosmetology school. She always loved doing hair and wasn't actually that bad at it. She needed to do something with her life and the separation with her husband have left her with the feeling that she wanted to do something special with her life. At the entrance interview she was asked what her goal was with hair. Would she want to own her own shop one day or something like that? She said,? I want to do the hair for my favorite band.? The whole room chuckled at her absurd nature. Her reaction, ?No, I am serious. Period.?
Emma was a horrible student. She skipped school, fought and never really paid to close attention. At 22 years old she really had no excuse for herself other that the fact that she was home schooled and that was laughable at best.
Emma worked, went to school and went to shows. Everyone wanted a haircut from her and she did them for little or no money. She took her shears to shows and cut hair for her friends outside before and after the shows. One day one of the bands asked for haircuts and everything snowballed after that. She soon built up a reputation and never traveled anywhere without her shears. She grew a love affair with cutting hair and excelled at it. Emma felt on top of the world doing what she wanted to do, hair for musicians.
The band that she loved was doing well. They had since released a new record and it was taking off. Emma decided to purchase a ticket to the up and coming fall tour they had. They were opening and she didn't care, she just wanted to see her favorite band. October 18th arrived and she could hardly wait. Emma had told everyone at school that the lead singer was the love of her life and she told them all that she was going to find him and tell him she wanted him. There was $25.00 on the table as part of the bet and she had every intention of winning the money. Emma drove the 4 hours that it took to get to the show and waited in line and came in with the rest of the concert goers. Emma and her friend walked in and surveyed the scene. It was a large show for Emma and she wasn?t really comfortable there. Emma left her friend to use the bathroom. Walking to the bathroom a bunch of the tours crew eyeballed her and said less than classy things. On her way back from the bathroom the lighting guy stopped her and said, ? Hey beautiful, wanna comeback to the bus after the show and drink with me?? She got a discussed look on her face and kept walking. A few steps later she realized that this was her chance and turned on her heels. She tapped the guy on the shoulder and said, ? I will come back to the bus but, I will not be drinking.? He said ok, left and came back out with VIP passes for Emma and her friends. He let them watch from the elevated sound booth. Emma loved this band and beamed while they played. She schemed in her head how she was going to go backstage with her pass and talk to the object of her school girl crush. The two girls watched the whole show and then went to the car to leave. Emma got to the car and said, ? We can't go yet, there is something I have to do.? She marched back to where the busses were with the force of 1,000 armies. She scanned the area and was trying her best to not look like a stalker or a groupie. She told her friend what she needed to do and she bet Emma she wouldn't do it. Emma spotted the guitarist of the Black Pajama Party, he was talking outside of the bus with some fans. She walked up to him, leaving her friend behind. Emma struck up a conversation with him and he looked at her very unimpressed with her shtick. Emma decided to level with the kid and said, ?Look, I wanna tell your lead singer??????..? and under her breath she said what she planned on saying. He laughed and said he would be right back. Emma stood there in the cold outside of the bus this time definitely looking like a groupie. He ran on the bus and yelled,? Hey Paul, you gotta see this chick!? The guitarist came back out and then Paul came out. Paul was hunched over with his eyes down. He lit his cigarette and looked up at Emma. He looked once, twice and them a third time. He looked at her like he knew her. Paul said ? What are you doing here?? Emma said, ? I came to see a show.? She then stuck out her hand and said, ?Hi, my name is Emma?. And I was wondering if you would like to fornicate and engage in premarital sexual relations?? He looked down and chuckled a nervous laugh. Paul's reply, ? Do you have email?? Emma said yes and they exchanged email addresses. They didn't talk much, he complimented her hair, and she complimented his everything. Emma told him she did hair and she wanted to do his. They made loose plans to see each other again. His tour manager came out a few times to check on him and Emma loudly and with no shame said to basically leave them alone. It was time for the band to leave. His email in her hand she ran off to reconvene with her friend. They hysterically laughed at the exchange the two had had. Emma stared at the email address the whole way home and she wrote and rewrote the first email to him in her head a million times. The next day she wrote Paul her first email. She apologized for being so forward although she wasn't very sorry she figured it was ladies like to save some face. She filled the email with clever dark jokes he was sure to get and then she hit send.
3 days later Emma had a reply. Thump, thump, thump. Her heart pounded out of her chest as she hit the open button. The email was short and to the point. He commented on her humor and at the end he asked if she had AOL instant messenger. He gave his screen name and she laughed at the dark turn this story was taking. Emma didn't know that Paul had purchased a Sidekick 2 in order to keep in better contact with well, a girl he met in a small town for 5 minutes. Emma didn't have a screen name and never had. Emma replied to the email with much haste. Soon she had another email from Paul. He again asked if she had a screen name. Emma asked if he had a myspace, he didn't so after a few more emails she made and AOL screen name. Emma only had one buddy on her buddy list? It was Paul.
Oddly enough, he was online when she signed on for the first time. She wrote something fast and funny. Emma didn't really know where this relationship was going but it broke the monotony of school, work and collecting Halloween decorations. They made plans to see each other a few months later. They talked frequently and for hours on AIM but never on the phone. His replies to her messages were spaced far apart and were speratic. Emma forced conversation on him and they developed quite a little friendship. One day she told him she loved to text and he asked for her number. One minute later she had a text from him in her inbox. She smiled, this Paul was odd but in the best possible way!
The night before she was to see him for the first time in months he dropped the bomb. Paul told Emma he had a girlfriend and that he never wanted her to think that he had ill intentions towards her. He didn't want to come across as a creep. Hum, she was perplexed; she had always assumed he was gay. With further thought about the conversation she decided he had a crush on her due to the fact that he felt a need to say that he wasn't trying to be a creep. He was a total creep, Emma loved it.
The next morning Emma collected herself, slapped on an overabundance of make-up per usual, packed her friends into her car and drove 3 hours to visit her pen pal. Emma had been trying to reach Paul all day. At 5pm he awoke just as she parked the car. Pail sent his bodyguard to retrieve Emma and her friends. He gave them passes and took them up to the VIP balcony. Emma sat and watched the opening band and then she got a whiff of a pungent smell that came over her shoulder and into her nose. Something in her head said turn around, it was him, and it was Paul. They were excited to see each other and talked for a few minutes. He needed to leave to get ready for the show. Emma understood and was just happy to be there. A bit later the security guy came to get Emma and her friends and took them to the stage to watch the show. Emma was excited and impressed at how well the band had taken off. She had never liked anything that had become cool before. Paul and Emma were like two ships passing in the night that night. She came under the pretense of doing his hair. She cut hair for some of the crew and went on her way. She made plans to see Paul a few days later in another city. The two talked online some and texted when she wasn't near a computer. A few days later she and her friend jumped in the car once again and drove 5 hours to the show. Paul texted her and told her to meet him by the busses. She and her friend walked into the dark alley where the busses were parked. Out of the darkness she heard a whistle. It was Paul, she was ecstatic to see him. Paul walked the two inside and up to the dressing room. It was just the three of them. Emma loved Paul's sweater so she made him take it off and she put it on. Emma looked rather cute in it and she didn't want to give it back. She did and then prepared to cut Paul's hair. Band members came in and out of the room as did the crew. They were never really charmed by Emma and acted almost put off that she was there. Later on one of the guys made a comment about Emma to Paul. He assured them they were just friends. He told the band and crew she was gay, she was not. Clever on his behalf.
The haircut was magic if she did say so herself. He looked amazing. Paul gave her a shout out from the stage for the haircut and for being his friend. After the show she and he friend drove through the night and got home just in time to shower and head to school. At 3 pm the next day while giving a spa pedicure she couldn't take it anymore, broke down and texted him. Emma promised herself she wouldn't contact him. Oh man, she knew she had fallen for this one. This couldn't end well she said to herself.
Hell
I wondered how long it would take for that Eliza story to make it here? I read it and thought, lets just count the minutes before this "jewel" hits the blog. All I can say is if she really thinks she's gonna be a writer I hope she doesn't quit her day job.
As for this thinly veiled tale…..remember this is her side of the story.
They didn't talk everyday anymore but frequently enough to keep her well, from going nuts. Time passed and she sprung and idea on Paul. What if she went on tour and cut hair for the bands and fans. Just take what she was currently doing and do it on a much larger scale. He agreed that the idea was brilliant and agreed to help her out. He put in a good word for her to the owner of the largest summer tour and they began talks of Emma joining the summer tour.
The next time she went to see Paul she arrived armed with a vision for new hair for him. Emma called it ?the blood of Christ.? It was an upside down tear drop in the shade of blood red to sit on the top of his long hair. She drove with a friend 5 hours to get to Paul that day. Emma arrived tired and pushed through it. Paul and Emma decided to do his hair at the hotel after the show. Emma followed Paul into his room that he was sharing with his brother who was also in the band. His brother seemed oblivious to the fact that Emma and her friend were there. Her friend stayed in the room and Emma and Paul headed to the bathroom to begin his hair. They spent hours talking and Emma felt for the first time in her life someone understood her. They had an unspoken undeniable connection. They finished in the wee hours of the morning. He hadn't kissed her because he knew that if he did it would royally mess up everything forever. She hadn't kissed him because of his girlfriend whom he hadn't mentioned since the first time. She wondered if he actually had a girlfriend. He probably didn't she thought but who knew. All she knew is there was a connection there like none she had ever felt before. They were both sober from drinking and drugs. He had a handful of months clean and she had a handful of years clean. Paul asked Emma if she wanted to stay the night in the room and at this point it was so early she had to. Getting in her last flirty comments of the night she went to bed. He was a gentleman, he gave the girls the bed and he slept on the floor. 2 hours later they awoke, he said goodbye to her and pat her on the head. He was off to take photos for the cover of a rock magazine and she was off back to the middle of nowhere where she lived. She and he friend were pulled over by the police 5 minutes later and she had quite the time explaining herself and why she was in town. This had turned out to be an expensive trip. She didn't care, she was in love.
Emma thought about Paul all of the time and he became a frequent topic of conversation amongst she and her friends. He dropped her line while she was on her way home that day. It said how much he loved his hair and he said his newfound confidence was making him stand up straighter. She was happy and couldn't think of a better compliment.
Emma made a promise to herself that the next time she had the chance she would tell him of her feelings despite the consequences. Emma saw Paul a month later driving once again 3 and a half hours just to be there. This time he acted differently, avoided and ignored her. He seemed almost?. Nervous. As soon as she left they texted until she passed out on the car ride home. Paul told Emma how much he valued her friendship. It was at that show one of his crew mentioned her being gay, ?what are you talking about?? She questioned. Paul told us all about you being gay. ?I am not!? she laughed. Puzzled as to why he would tell everyone that. After that night Paul and Emma didn't talk too frequently. She understood and didn't like it one bit, her heart was on the line here.
Time passed and she solidified the deal to tour over the summer. Oddly enough she was to be on the same tour as Black Pajama Party. It was her first job after school and she was bother nervous and excited. Soon after that she went to go and see him once again. This time the tour was bigger, they were opening for a massive band in an arena. It was odd pulling up to the show and she was so nervous she lost the feeling in her hands. She wanted to put an end to this whole friendship but she was in too deep now. She took her two best friends to the show. They all hung out and were having a good time. At one point Paul shoots up and says, ?I have to call my girlfriend. Emma took this like a shot to the stomach. As he walked away her friends whispered about how he was in love with her, they could tell. It was how he looked at her. A crew member asked where Paul was and Emma told him Paul was on the phone with his girlfriend. He laughed and said, ?Paul? His girlfriend?.... yea right!? Emma acted unfazed and continued having a good time. At one point after he returned they had a private meeting on the bus. She told him her plans for his hair and drew it for him. She knew he was a lier or madly in love with her when he actually said her drawing was good. It was not. Emma didn't get to do his hair that night but she knew she would have a chance within the next few days. She left the show and couldn't sleep. She never could after seeing him. Emma and her friends went to the show the next night. Typically now, he ignored her all night. Emma had invited her sister to meet her at the show. She wanted her sister to meet him. Her sister found him strange and odd. Emma found him perfect. Emma and Paul hardly spoke and the tour manager told her to meet Paul at the next city for their day off. At this point Emma hadn't slept in days. She and her friends jumped in the car once again for another 5 hour road trip.
An hour outside of the city she got a hold of Paul, he told her not to come and he was upset about the miscommunication. Emma was livid and demanded to come. After an hour on the phone with Paul at a rest stop outside of the city she was on her way. Emma and her friends rented their own hotel room in the same hotel as the band. Emma and her friends headed over to Paul's room. After sometime she told her friends to get lost. They got wise and left. She started on his hair and they began flirting. He was bad at it, she wasn't. his brother whom he was sharing a room with once again was in and out. While Paul's color was sitting on his head his brother agreed to a much needed haircut by Emma thus breaking the ice between them. After the haircut his brother left for the night not returning the hotel room again that night. Emma got nervous, she broke the water handle to the tub and they had to change rooms. The tension was so thick in the air that night it could be cut with a knife. Paul flicked and flicked her belt buckle and she begged him to stop. He kept looking up at her begging her to do something about it with his eyes. She warned him of the consequences and he flirted with her anyway. At one point she laid across the bed next to his and he asked, ?so what kind of under ware do you have on anyway?? She laughed, told him and picked right back up talking as if nothing had happened. At the end of the night after she had talked herself dry she sat down next to him on the floor. She was no longer content with just being his friend. She took a deep breath and said,? There is something I have to tell you?.. I like you, I mean I like, like you like you.? He said, ? That?s ok, it's not really that big of a problem.? Emma looked him in the eye and said, ?It is a problem because you like me to.? ?Oh? He said with a deep breath. ? Yes, you are right but friends have crushes on friends all of the time.? ?Not so much.? She said. ? What are we going to do?? Emma asked. Paul's reply was,?Nothing, I am in love with my girlfriend. Your lying but that?s ok tonight. Emma and he talked about it for a little bit longer. It got strange after that night more so than it already was. He knew that she knew and she could read him like a book. Shortly after that she had finished his hair. Her friend had stopped by to see the masterpiece on his head. She was drunk and comical. She spouted something about how the two would look good together. She then probed Paul about his girlfriend. He was short and got nervous responding to her questions. Emma pushed her out of the room and said her goodbyes to Paul. She went to her room and cried. Emma loved a man who couldn't love her back. She wanted to get in her car and drive far and fast. Never to be seen again. She relived the story to her friends the next morning after yet another sleepless night. Emma tried whipping the embarrassment from her face and actually went to the show the next day. Paul acted sheepish. Emma cut hair backstage and tried to keep her cool. Neither of them would have won an academy award that night.
Hi Anima, how are you sweetie?
Anon, I think that Eliza really wants to be famous, that is why she never let's it drop.
This is the only story she has to tell so she tells it again and again.
And although she was not the only guilty party, I hate the way she does this cos it must be upsetting for the first girlfriend to have to hear of their cheating again and again while they keep, as you have pointed out, a dignified silence.
Mayo:
Alliteration, and as Sdock would say, "Niiiice!"
Sorry, I've always liked using it a lot, and I'm not really sure why, but cool beans, dude.
I don't know what it's about. Not the first time this has ever happened, but it seems like it's a swift kick in the ass, rolled in some grey poupon, topped with a thank you.
And I'll just say I'm envious, 'cause I'd give a hell of a lot to be able to write. Words are my enemy, and it takes me forever and a day to say what I want. You should be proud of not only your ability, but of yourself. We are our worst critics.
if you continue to hammer the nail the point may find its way clear through or, the fucking pounding will cause its head to bury itself too far into the wood to ever be pulled out.
They say this life's about chances. It's just knowing when you should hold them or when you should fold. 50/50, Mayo. But, you know that already.
Thanks for popping in, and thank you very much for what you said. You never know who will take your words and advice and heed them, so thank you.
They talked a total of 3 times over the next months before the summer tour was to begin. 6 days after she spent 6 hours and hundreds of dollars doing his hair he cut it all off and colored it. Emma didn't know if this was a personal slap in the face but she sure did take it a one.
The tour started. Emma was paralyzed by the fear of spending 2 full months on the same tour as Paul. All bets were off. Let the games begin and the chips fall as they may. Emma had a Sidekick 2 now and it took her 3 whole days on the tour before she ran into him. Her heart stopped beating when she saw him that morning. Paul and Emma said hello like two adults and then he did the unthinkable, he said ? Thanks for saying what you said to me. I realized I am in love with my girlfriend and we are trying to work it out.? ?That?s great!? Emma lied. After a few more minutes of the bone crushing conversation the two parted ways. In Emmas mind she thought, ? and good mourning to you jerk and p.s. YOUR HAIR SUCKS!?
The two saw each other here and there and got into the habit of talking on aim for hours every night on their Sidekicks after bus call. She watched his bands show everyday either from the stage or from the crowd. One day a few weeks into the tour she saw him by his tour bus and begged him to go to an on tour AA meeting with her. They attended the meeting and spent the rest of the night walking around the parking lot talking about the past, the present and the future.
Emma didn't sleep much for two months and called her friends back home to frequently to cry to them about the antics of Paul. She was convinced he enjoyed watching her squirm.
There were good things happening on the tour. Paul's brother and Emma had developed a rather interesting and platonic friendship. Emma also began to be partially accepted by the rest of the band. They never knew what to think of her really. Emma and Paul did see each other a lot some days and not at all on others. A few other guys had paid her attention at this point but alas, none of them were Paul. She didn't even know why she liked him at this point all he offered was nothing but confusion and self esteem issues.
As the tour wrapped up they talked more and more every night on their Sidekicks. One day on the tour Emma met Paul and his brother's mother and father. Emma cut his mothers hair that day and as she did Emma made a bold statement saying, ? I am going to marry your son Paul one day.? His mother laughed at her blatant insanity and asked her if Paul knew of her feelings. The exchange was the beginning of a love affair with his family. Great, just what she needed.
The last day of tour Emma watched the band from the sound booth. She felt like Paul could only see her in the crowd of thousands. He did the set for her that day. That night she made a point to make her way over to his bus to say a proper goodbye. Paul had made it a point to basically ignore her almost the entire tour and she didn't care. She knew not when they were to see each other again. Emma waited until they were alone and said thank you. The tour had made all of her wildest dreams come true. She left him there; she was his greatest fan, her greatest love to date. That night at 3am he logged on to aim. They talked for hours and hours about her for once, about her life, where she was from and so on. When she arrived home she took pictures of the farm where she lived and sent them to him. Emma let him in. The two knew each other so well but didn't know each other at all. Emma in an act of rebellion towards herself took her signature platinum and multicolored hair to almost black.
Time passed with little to no word from Paul. She needed the forced break from him as well as a break from the mixed signals and having her heart sent through a paper shredder on a frequent basis. Although she wasn't talking to Paul she did frequently speak with his brother. Emma did however; send Paul a letter the night he didn't win an award he was up for. She may have been salty but she wasn't heartless and at the end of the day they were still friends.
For the fall headlining tour the band had Emma planned on making a cameo at a show 2 and half hours away. Emma and her best friend took her car and arrived at the show only to find Emma was not on the guest list. She felt as though someone had shot her in the face at close range. A million things ran through her mind. Maybe it was finally over, a final message from Paul to get out of his life forever. Emma reached Paul's brother and didn't even bother trying Paul. She and her friend got into the show and weren't allowed backstage. Emma locked herself in the bathroom stall and cried hysterically for 20 minutes. In retrospect, this would be known in her mind as when she started to crack, she actually wasn't the same again.
She drove back home defeated that night. He had won. The next day over aim she let his brother have a piece of her mind. Emma explained herself and the situation and he begged her to come to the show the following day. How could she say no? What did she have to lose at this point anyway? She and her friend went only to see Paul's brother with no intentions on seeing Paul. She prayed all night the night before to be released of this love she had for Paul. She begged of god to see his true colors and to be shown a sign that this long journey was over.
Well on that note, I will talk to you all later.
Kapunua, it's good to see you!
♥ to everyone.
OH MY GOD, KNOCK IT OFF ANON.
Emma enjoyed the show with her friend and hung out when she could with Paul's brother. Avoiding Paul at all costs she hung out in the opening bands dressing room. Paul caught wind of her being there and he came to the other dressing room to see Emma. For the love of God why was he coming to where she was?!? He arrived, he walked in and she finally saw how beautiful he actually was. Paul actually didn't take his eyes off of her that night. The two talked a bit but flirted more. He was bold that night and she met him where he was. Emma left and 5 minutes later right on cue Paul logged on aim and they talked for hours again but this time Paul was actually honest with his feelings towards her. He said it was sexual tension, that was there problem? No more, no less. She agreed half heartedly and didn't actually sleep that night. Emma promised herself to write him a letter once a day after that night. After his confessions to her Paul disappeared. Emma wrote and wrote each day pouring her heart into every letter. The letters told of her days, her nights and everything in-between. Paul never replied, not to one. He read each word of every letter and read them again sometimes. She sent pictures of her having fun and of all of the adventures she was having.
One day her already sick grandfather became very ill. Emma turned to the only place her heart would allow and begged Paul to walk her through this. He knew of death rather well and her grandfather was about to pass. Paul held her hand and walked her through the motions. It was because of Paul's advice that she spent some amazing time with her grandfather before he passed.
Emma needed to move. She and her best friend picked a new city 8 hours and went. Emma documented the whole thing for Paul via her long letters daily with pictures.
October 18th came and a year had passed since this crazy ride had begun. This day was particularly hard and Emma wanted to drink for the first time in years. Paul had her whole heart in a vise grip for a year. After 5 years of not smoking a cigarette she drove to the store and bought a pack. As she was buying them Paul logged on his aim. She explained her emotions and now she had made the decision to smoke. Paul would never get it, or maybe he would, she didn't know and he didn't care. That night she wrote her finally letter of the series. It was a first person account of their relationship up until this point. All of her feelings and emotions in one overdramatic letter. At the very end she closed with, ? I am in love with you.? There, she finally said it. Blammo! There it was in black and white and she couldn't take it back.
She heard nothing for a month, typical and half expected. On the night of her 6th sober birthday he logged online. Emma was trying to cut the hair of a band that was in town. He logged online just to tell her happy birthday and that he didn't love her back. They fought for a few hours and ended the long night with jokes and flirting. After that she found a local doctor to help her with her mental state. Emma was convinced that she had made up the love affair with Paul in her head and that she was an obsessed fan about to crack. The doctor told her she was bi polar, not shocking. She didn't go on medication and didn't go back to that doctor again.
Soon after her grandfather passed. She mourned, they had been close.
Even though Paul had made his wishes known Emma continued to get close with his brother. They made it a point to not talk about Paul. Emma and Paul's brother became the best of friends and shared every detail of their lives with each other. Emma visited Paul's brother frequently and they even took a mini road trip together. Emma desperately tried to forget Paul, to actually leave well enough alone for once in her life. She would stand in the shower and try and wash Paul off of her skin, nothing worked. ..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Emma took a trip just to visit Paul's brother at one of there shows. It was there once again she saw Paul. This time was different than the others. Paul asked Emma if she was going to come back to the bus and hang out after the show. "No." she said, " I am going to hang out with your brother tonight." Emma did just that and had an amazing time. After she left that night Paul messaged her on her Sidekick. Emma threw her hands in the air while inside screaming… ISURRENDER!
Emma the following night met who was soon to be her new boyfriend. She had dated a few guys in the year prior but nothing seemed to amount to much. Emma was excited about the new prospect. She left Paul to his own devices and gave him a much needed break from her persistent behavior. Emma's relationship was short lived and lacked no fireworks. With her relationship freshly over Emma flew to visit Paul's brother, her best friend and in her mind, he was like her own brother. Emma visited him a few times for extended stays because he wasn't on tour. Emma was having the time of her life, she was finally living!
While staying with Paul's brother Paul visited them. Paul and Emma got a little alone time together and they spoke as friends. It was the first time Pal had visited his brother's apartment and his brother in sometime. It was odd to everyone that he happened to stop by while Emma was staying there. Maybe he needed her to?
Emma grew so close with Paul's brother that she never wanted to leave his side. Paul's brother gave Emma gifts and airplane tickets and above all else friendship. Emma had set up a tour job on a tour for the end of the winter into the spring. Emma almost didn't leave Paul's brother that day the tour was leaving but, she did.
It was a fresh start for Emma, or so she thought. A new tour, a new job, new people and sometime away. Just what Emma needed. Paul and Emma began talking again a month into the tour. Emma wrote Paul as a last ditch effort to save his brother. Paul's brother was drinking way too much. Emma was convinced he was an alcoholic on the brink of something awful and probably fatal. Emma spent many nights that month staying awake with her drunken best friend until he passed out just to make sure he was ok. Emma's email was short to Paul asking for his help. His reply was swift and a few hours later he called Emma. They talked for a few hours. Emma wanted to leave the tour to help. It was killing her to be so far away while all of this was going on. Paul was sober, Emma was sober and now they wanted to help his brother. Paul and Emma talked all day every day after this, something had changed, and he saw how much she cared.
When the tour came through Paul's home town Emma had a day off and Paul refused to come and see her. A fight broke out between the two of them. Emma locked herself in the hotel bathroom in tears for 5 hours. Paul was violently passionate about Emma and yet refused to see her. He lay on his bed for hours depressed and confused. Emma that night had a chance to hang out with her best friend, Paul's brother. His brother joined the tour for a few days after that to spend time with Emma and some other friends. This time spent with him eased the blow of Paul's decision to not see her. Paul and Emma continued to talk all day everyday despite the fight. They talked about his brother and the progress that he was making.
One day while joking around with Emma Paul made a comment, he alluded to the fact that he was surprised that with all of this time he had never gotten a picture of her that was well, sexy. Emma laughed and went to the bathroom and snapped a proactive picture of her. She hit the send button with a massive grin on her face. What was she thinking? Paul was at dinner and when he returned online to talk with Emma she urged him to check his inbox. Emma expected a reply of disgust from Paul. His actual reply, "SEND MORE!" Paul said jump, and Emma said how high? She spent the rest of the night taking pictures and talking to Paul. She had grown accustom to following her heart and not her head.
Paul and Emma talked most of the day and more every night every day. They went to bed at the same time and woke up at the same time. They had inside jokes and made plans to one day meet in secrecy at a museum and spend the day together without touching.
Paul and his band left to a new city to write and begin recording of their next record. When Emma's tour came through town Paul's brother and Emma met and ate dinner. Paul refused to see Emma that night but told his brother he could bring her by to where they were staying if he wanted. Paul's brother knew very little of the situation between Paul and Emma. He did although mention to Emma that Paul was acting odd and he got a glazed look over his eyes when frequently speaking to Emma.
Paul's brother was working had at getting sober, getting help and seeming to be getting better. Emma's friends grew concern for her, they never knew the whole story but even from a distance they knew she wasn't well. Emma lost friends due to her close relationships with the brothers. One night on tour an intoxicated friend pinned her to the bed and said, "Quit spending all of your time talking to him…. He is never going to leave his girlfriend for you. Spend time with us, your friends that are here right now." She was right, maybe for the first time someone had been 100% honest with her. Emma actually couldn't stop, maybe she was addicted and delusional. Emma continued with no mind or care of the consequences.
After the tour was over Emma packed up her things for a long term stay with Paul's brother. She wanted to be by his side and needed to be there. Paul, his brother and the rest of the band were in Europe for a few days when Emma arrived. She waited there for them to return. Emma and Paul talked on aim while he was in Europe. During one heated and intense conversation Emma said what had been on the tips of her lips for some time now. She called Paul a cheater. He denied the claim, a fight broke out and within moments he told her to leave, and he never wanted to speak or to see her again. In an instant he was gone. It was finally over. She would do just as he asked and make plans to leave as soon as possible. A few minutes later Paul collected himself, logged back online and took back when he had said. Emma was emotionally and mentally exhausted.
With their arrival from Europe the band came back to the temporary apartments. Emma made herself scarce that night with intentions to avoid Paul. Emma lived there with Paul's brother and his fiancé. A few weeks passed and although living in the same apart complex Emma and Paul had successfully avoided each other. One night after much coaxing Paul came over to his brother's apartment to visit with Emma. Every single time Paul was in Emma's presence her senses were heightened and her heart jumped through her chest. They talked through hours over coffee and as much as she wished it wasn't there her feelings for him were stronger than ever. He left that night and they didn't see each other again until a few days later. She and he ran into each other in the hallway of the apartment complex. Emma was having a slumber party with another one of the band members at his apartment across the hall from Paul.
A few days later Paul and the band played a show 2 hours away. Emma went with Paul's brother and his fiancé. Paul and she avoided each other the whole night. After the show was over and they had parted for the night Paul logged online and talked to Emma well into 4am in the morning. It was in this conversation that Paul asked if she would like to spend the night at his apartment in the future. Her answer was a resounding, "YES!" He explained she would need to stay over after a visit from his girlfriend. It was strange to Emma that Paul's girlfriend was coming for a visit. Emma had met her once before for a brief moment and didn't want to revisit the experience. Emma and a group of friends left town over the time Paul's girlfriend was there. It killed Emma to do so but she had no other choice.
Paul's brother was doing well; he was regaining his mental and physical health and started to resemble his old self again.
Wait, I think I missed a whole lot while writing that.
I'll be back in a few, guys.
I hope you're all well. :)
The night arrived when Emma was to spend the night in Paul's apartment. She spent hours getting ready waiting for the band to return from the studio. She made Paul's brother escort her to Paul's apartment that night. He dropped her off and she walked in. Was this actually happening? After everything that had happened were the two to actually spend the night together? Paul had made his intentions clear and he stood by his word to act like a gentleman. Emma sat in the chair across from the couch where Paul sat. Paul and Emma spoke as friends. Paul had a new camera and took pictures of Emma sitting there. She was reluctant and camera shy. The two moved into the bedroom where they pulled out clothes from his closed and as Emma sat on the bed Paul said, "You know, this bed is huge, you can sleep here with me if you want." In a split second Emma said, "Ok." She feared if she said another word it might change his might. They soon turned in for the night. Laying on total opposite ends of the bed they laid there and spoke in the dark. Emma told Paul he wasn't happy. She spoke of his relationship with his girlfriend in a very candid manner. Her lips spoke the truest and heartfelt thing she had ever said, "I don't know if you will choose to be with me or with her, I will love you regardless. I have a love for you that is called, "agape." The most pure love a human can have. Whatever your choice may be, I will stand by you8 and trust that you made the right decision even if it means that we can never speak again." Tears streamed down her face and she refused to look at him with the fear he would also have tears in his eyes. The two actually talked all night and neither of them slept. Emma asked if she could stay the following night, Paul agreed. That morning one of the band members came by Paul's room to pick him up for recording. Paul let him in and he busted Emma in Paul's bed.
Emma knew no one would believe the story that they had "just talked" all night. Emma slept most of the day that day while Paul recorded in the studio. That night Paul's brother once again walked Emma over to Paul's place. Paul and Emma went to bed soon after she arrived. Paul told Emma he would sleep on the couch as to avoid any temptations. They had a brief spat about this and ended up in the same bed together again. Neither of them were tired, fueled by the powers of lust and love.
Emma challenged Paul to a wrestling match and she won three times. On the third she sat on top of him pinning his hands to the bed. Emma was hysterically laughing at her victory and then she stopped. Emma looked down at Paul and moved her face next to his. She tried to kiss him and he turned away. She tried again and this time he kissed her back. In Emma's mind the earth was shaking and the walls were soon to bleed. She expected the heavens to open and the end of the world to talk place. It was the most passionate kiss she had ever had. The two actually could not stop kissing. After almost two years of being drug behind a car by her toe nails through the rocks and mud… and now, this?!? Paul confessed that although there was a new development in their relationship he was choosing to stay with his girlfriend. Emma would tragically take whatever she could get from Paul for he was actually the love of her life.
Paul's brother and Emma had long intense conversations and even fought due to this new trend of Paul and Emma. Emma was losing her best friend. It hurt, it all hurt. Emma and Paul would sneak around and it made the two of them feel filthy. Neither of them put a stop to the behavior. Emma had moved out of Paul's brother apartment and into Paul's. The two slept very little despite the dire need for rest. The two soon made plans for Emma to return back to her home on the grounds that they would not to be seeing each other again until they were both single. Paul made no promises to Emma and she left not knowing their fate.
The day after Emma arrived home Paul acted distant all day. That night as Emma watched TV Paul broke the news to her that he was now single. He was a shattered and empty man. Emma wept, not for the joy of the victory of the end of the suffering but she wept for the other woman. How could her actions be party to so much pain? Paul needed time to clear his head and requested three days away with no contact with Emma. The room went black and she envisioned the worst. Emma wanted to sleep for the three days if it was possible. She got into the car with a cold stare on her face; no tears ran from her eyes. She wanted an end. Sober for almost 7 years Emma decided to talk hundreds of sleeping pills. She purchased them at a local drug store and drove home. Paul's brother was worried about Emma and phoned Emma's roommate at work. Emma's roommate quickly left work and drove home. As Emma got out of her car Emma's roommate pulled up. Pills in hand the roommate yelled at Emma, "what are you doing?!?" Emma in tears cried out, "I just want to sleep." They stood in the street, held each other and cried. Emma took no pills that night and remained sober. Paul talked to Emma the following day and the day after purchased an airplane ticked for Emma to return to where he was.
As Emma departed the plane Paul was there to greet her. It was the first time she had seen him as a single man. Emma felt as if she had finally come home. They spent each sleepless night together talking and trying to repair the past. They spent the mornings dancing and singing over pots of coffee. They talked of the record, the artwork and concepts. She changed his hair and she changed her as well.
OH please Anon, don't bring it here! MY EYES!!!!
This time needed to be different for them to survive. They spent more time together than ever and made a point to spend no longer than 2 weeks at a time apart. The problem was Emma and her mind was already gone. The next few months were the best and worst they had spent. At their best they were electric and unstoppable and their worst was toxic. She traveled to see him frequently and the grueling schedules took a toll on them both.
Emma was crippled by depression and an obsession with death and suicide. She planned and planned her own death. How, when, where played like a broken record in her head. When Emma was up she danced and sang and acted out improve rolls of factious characters for Paul. Anything to make him laugh. Paul tried to work on his comics but frequently had his hands full with Emma never knowing which version of his love he would get. They were admittedly obsessed with each other. Unruly and in love.
They began making plans for the wedding and their future. They picked a spot they wanted to live and Emma packed. All of their ducks were in a row and Emma was all set to move with the plan that Paul would meet her there in the following weeks. Emma made one last trip to visit Paul on tour before the move. The trip was great from beginning to end. It was her birthday trip and he lavished her with gifts beyond her wildest dreams. A few days later they parted ways. They stayed up all night that night and spent the precious moments they had together. That morning he left and kissed her goodbye.
That was the last time they would ever see each other again.
Emma made the 10,000.00 move across the United States. She was on so many medications at this point that she drooled on herself, shook and couldn't connect thought. Miserable, her body and mind shut down. She prepared to die. A month after the move she took herself off of the medications because she hated the side effects. She had picked the day she would die. The day of her suicide she asked her friend to take her to the hospital on the grounds that she was gone. The only thing that stopped her from killing herself was a belief that if she took her own life she would spend all of eternity in hell burning for her unpardonable sin. Emma spent the day and night there and was released with a new hope of a new life. She had a new doctor and was starting with a plan to get back on her medication. Paul stood by her and never judged. This problem with her wore on him. They talked a bit and three days later, after the hospital event they talked to each other about the unbreakable love they had. They spoke of their mutual obsession with each other.
He needed to sleep. She said goodnight and they both said that they loved each other with unspeakable passion.
The next morning Paul sent Emma an email. He actually couldn't take it anymore. Paul said that they were not a compatible match. He was done. And like that he was gone. He changed his phone number that day and turned her phone off as well. Paul told her where she could send his things and made it clear she was not to come and chase after him.
Emma threw up and lost control. She screamed, "NO!" for hours and pulled her own hair out. She literally bashed her head into the wall near her bed. Emma cried for days so hard sometimes to the point where she would choke. She dug her own nails into the skin on her arms trying to rip her flesh off.
After the breakup her parents flew her to an island where they were staying for the summer. Emma got depressed one day and stumbled off on to an unmaintained beach distraught. She tried to cut her wrists there with some sharp pieces of wood. It didn't work and she wasn't happy.
After the trip her attitude changed a bit. She was still depressed but not to the same extent. Emma worked her best to pull it together. She made plans to move again. Emma picked a commune in a new city to get away for a bit. The commune had 5 homeless shelters and she worked there to help someone else. She needed to help someone else in order to help herself. Seeing people and serving food to people that actually have nothing actually made Emma feel as though she had everything. She wanted to live. Emma was most happy serving other people. Emma got on a lower dose of medication and saw doctors frequently. Things were up for her for the first time in a long time. Emma knew not of Paul, his whereabouts and or what he was doing. It was better that way. Emma started back up with one of her old boyfriends and planned to visit him for a week on tour. Before Emma left for tour Emma's mother told her that was something she needed her to know. She didn't want Emma to go on tour and hear it from someone else. Paul had gotten married.
Emma didn't go on that trip, she stayed back. She soon found a job outside of the commune and began to work. She moved and continued to work. She lied to her doctor and got him to prescribe her Xanax, Emma popped them frequently just to feel nothing. The hotels and clubs, drinking and drugs were soon to follow. Emma spent a month on hard drugs and got drunk daily after over 8 years sober. Emma had frequent nightmares of Paul. She knew nothing of him and she didn't want to know. Emma went to work drunk and went out every night. She jumped in the shower one night to get ready to go out and she had been drinking. As she shaved her legs she was so drunk that she slashed her legs 100 times with the razor. Blood was everywhere. Her bottom was soon to follow when she showed up to have surgery done drunk. Emma could have died that day and she didn't want to die anymore. Emma got sober again and saw a new light. She changed her playground and her playmates. Sobriety was had this time but she was armed with the fact that she had survived worse. Emma worked on herself but this time it had to be real. It was a matter of life and death. Emma had to work through her Paul issues with the fear that if she didn't she might drink or use again.
Everyone deals with things in their own way.
Her wish was to only remember the good times. The coffee pots, dancing, acting, mime outfits, Warhol, fire building, weddings, tattoos, plans of museums, leather gloves, red hair dye, the baby, raw clams, bathroom counter tops, peanut spots, gay pride flags and snow white costumes.
Father forgive us, we know not what we do.
Is this trip seriously necessary? For godsakes!
MissT, I'm good sweetheart. I missed you yesterday. Maybe we can hang out tomorrow night.
I agree "a dignified silence" is really what she needs.
Hi Elena, how are you?
Hi Mustard, how are you?
Hi K, how are you?
Bye for now Anima. ♥ ya
Goodnight everyone. Take care.
Hey guys?
What the hell am I reading?
anon 5:59
i agree, i think Eliza should have taken the high road and kept it to herself.
the difference between her and Gerard"s long term girlfriend is no one knew who she was. no one could judge her. Eliza took so much shit from the fans that it was kind of crazy because none of the fans knew her personally.
if i had that many people talking shit about me i would want to say my side of the story. especially with the way it ended with Gerard marrying someone else two months after he broke up with Eliza.
That's what being Gerard Way's "friends" gets you.
Crap and I do mean crap.
Stop posting this. Yeah, it's a train wreck but if someone wants to look they can go over to her My Space and see it.
Hello Anima and Kapu!
I agree with you guys. If this story is true, well then it's pretty sad.
"I think she has crossed the line"
You're probably right anon, but if you remember he was the one to cross that line in the first place,throwing his ring in the pit.
I just think they both should have been more reserved about this whole story.
Hi MissT. Hey Anima, Elena, whoever else is around that i missed in the DELUGE OF BADLY SPELLED PSEUDO-FICTION.
I agree "a dignified silence" is really what she needs.
What they both needed.
I see her need to tell her side of the story. He did her dirty and he humiliated her on stage and in the press, so I can understand her anger at least.
That's one seriously messed up little chickie.
Eliza and Lyn-Z are two peas in a retarded pod.
Hey MissT and everyone else.
Think it's okay to look now? Has the wreckage been cleared away?
Hello elena and mustard!
What would make you laugh is all of the kids on BuzzNet who are saying "I wonder if that's supposed to be about her and Gerard? Maybe it is but we'll never know"!! Oh man they can be so clueless.
OK guys it has been nice talking to you, thanks for helping me out with the blog, I have to run. TTYL!
Ha ha ha ha you can open your eyes now Elena.
See ya VV, good luck with the blog.
6:10 they knew about her because she had intimated her relationship on the internet, and other places.
Maybe the old girlfriend had far more common sense and did not seek the attention, or felt alienated from that whole scene.
Tell me, why care how others who don't personally know you, think of you? People close to you, I understand, but strangers?
I understand the anger. But I'm also sure the old girlfriend must have felt the same way. At least she was smarter. She will not expose it to the world.
gotta go just spent 10 mins on a "why do I bother making you lunch if you're not going to eat it!!!" tirade.
haha any mum would know that one.
ok I'm off to the gym and to post elena's parcel :)
back in a while
Right guys, my computer is being a bitch and I have to go.
Take care everyone. See you tomorrow.
Love you all!
*HUGS & KISSES*
PS: Fimble, check your email.
i am going to cacth up but first,
bella, arghhhh thank you for your email, and i totally want to know if i can hear you anywhere? i am sooooooooo wanting to hear your sound whoop whoop.
love ya hunny.
right, back to catching up, see you in a little bit
I agree with you there anon.
Sorry to hear that Bella. Better luck next time with the old computer. Goodnight sweetie. Sweet dreams.
see you later Ergo.
Hiya Fimmy, how are you sweetie?
the whole Gerard, Eliza, and "Kat" thing is Gerard's fault.
he should have told Eliza he had a girlfriend and to stay the fuck away. Gerard chose to break up with "Kat" and get with Eliza knowing she was a borderline stalker.
i don't feel bad for Gerard.
Well, not really sure what's going on, so I'm just gonna go catch up.
Goodnight, Bella!
See you later, Ergo!
I understand the anger. But I'm also sure the old girlfriend must have felt the same way. At least she was smarter. She will not expose it to the world.
Two words, LOVE MAN.
If that bit of *ahem* fiction holds any truth, I believe we have just been given proof that Mr Way is in fact incapable of being alone.
What a fucked up, emotionally stunted man.
I understand the anger. But I'm also sure the old girlfriend must have felt the same way. At least she was smarter. She will not expose it to the world.
Two words, LOVE MAN.
WRONG
the whole Gerard, Eliza, and "Kat" thing is Gerard's fault.
he should have told Eliza he had a girlfriend and to stay the fuck away. Gerard chose to break up with "Kat" and get with Eliza knowing she was a borderline stalker.
i don't feel bad for Gerard.
I agree. Gerard is now with someone he "loves with all his fucking heart".
And I'm sure "Kat" would have found someone decent, who loves her and wants to marry her.
Gerard loves everyone "with all his fucking heart" until he gets tired of them. Then he throws them away like a used condom.
Then his old girlfriend is lucky to be rid of him.
He obviously doesn't know what real love is.
Gerard Way is a shameful little man.
And I'm sure "Kat" would have found someone decent, who loves her and wants to marry her.
Are you talking about Tim?
Hello to anyone who is here. This is just a hit and run post. I was reading Eliza's story and hell, I don't know what to say.
Manipulative and a bit insane does not even come close, but I'm not surprised.
My opinion? I think it was both their fault.
That's all I have to say.
Anyways, Miss T, if you're here, thank you for dropping by at my blog, and you are very welcome for the birthday wishes :)
Wow, all of this is totally beyond my ability to care.
See you dudes and dudesses later. :)
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