I am so sleep deprived these days
that I am beginning to hallucinate in real time.
Did you see that? (I didn’t think so)
Everyone in the fucking room can hear me
talking to myself, out loud, to you. I am beginning
to think that they hear you also.
Or wait, was that me? It was
me...(don’t be too sure) could have been
all the words are running one into the other.
The whisper soothes, the other screams, and yet
another tells a tale in 250 words or less.
I am privileged to speak in more than one tongue,
last count...Three, “oh lucky me.”
Each purpose served with validity
and temperance, but how fucking loud
must I scream before you down it all?
And that ringing, what is ringing in your ears
when a friend, of a friend, of a girl
who trades innuendo for immortality
to the devil mentions me?
Truth (not even close). It’s not cheap.
And there’s not enough to go around these days.
And I keep all of those trades
in my pocket (thought I was the devil, did ya?).
p.s. and to this day it clings to the words both to and from and the memories.
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«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 600 of 1841 Newer› Newest»Ha, yeah snap Ergo!
Hi again BC.
Hello all.
hey martha, how are you today?
Ah Fimble, you know you can't scare me. Nice try ;p
I was lacking a decent shower, so I had to take one a few minutes ago. Right now I'm okay, eating some Soy turkey sandwiches and soy chocolate milk.
I'm watching the news right now, and they were showing the video of those poor cows being mistreated during the beef recall.
After seeing it, I am sick to my stomach. I'm going vegetarian.
Hi Miss T!
Hi MJ, how are you today?
Hello MJ.
i know it is shocking.
Hello MJ how are you today?
Fimble, isn't it? One of the cows was being shoved with a forklift, and the other one was being electrocuted.
So cruel and evil how some people treat those poor animals.
Hello FS, EP, BC, and Miss t
how is everyone?
I'm alright and how are you guys
Kermit On My Pond
(Kermit the Frog and Fish)
There's a place
Where I can sit
Just me, myself and I
On my pond (on my pond)
On my pond
Where the water's
Fresh and clean
And peaceful as a sigh
On my pond (on my pond)
On my pond
Look at the grass all around me
It's green as the smile on my face
Look at the trees they astound me
Wow, what a beautiful place
There's a spot
Where no one lives
But quiet little fish
On my pond (on my pond)
On my pond
Nature lets me
Come and visit
Any time I wish
On my pond (on my pond)
On my pond
Look at us all
We're enjoying
A breath of sweet country air
Hey! This is getting annoying
Please keep it down over there!
Wait a minute! Who said you
Could dump your garbage here?
On my pond (on my pond)
On my pond
Cleaning it all up again
Could take us years and years
On my pond (on my pond)
On my pond
Keeping it clean to begin with
Yes that's the smart thing to do
(Don't let them cover our fins with Any more black slimy gooooooo!)
Save a place where I can sit
Just me, myself and I
On my pond (on my pond)
On my pond
Keep the water fresh and clean
And peaceful as a sigh
On my pond (on my pond)
On my pond
Isn't it a lot nicer with everything all cleaned up like this?
On my pond (on my pond)
not bad martha, just really quiet
I'm okay Fimble. How about you sweets?
You love Kermit, don't you? ;D
i am thinking about SS tonight so i am posting kermit songs for him.
just a bit random and all
Fim, I love it.
i have more my ickle anima.
Hello anima, how are you?
Fim you've done "It's not easy being green"?
his nephew? sang a song "halfway up the stairs"
and Kermit on the muppets sang
"You put the lime in the coconut and mix it all up
you put the lime in the coconut and mix it all up
I said Doctor
is there nothing I can take
I said Doctor
to relieve this flipper ache
-and now it is once again stuck in my head
Hello Anima. Fimble, aww.
hahaha, sorry ergo. but you cant help but love kermit
hello anima!
Goodnight everyone. See you tomorrow.
nighty night miss t, sweet dreams xxx
Goodnight and sweet dreams Miss T. ♥
Hey everyone :)
I do love kermit - I have a kermit doll
and if you're in a car and put your arm out the window, elbow bent up and hand like a puppet mouth and move it back in the wind while saying
"I'm Kermit the frooooooooog"
"give me a breaaaaaaak"
it's just like he did when on sesame street as the reporter in the wind
not that I have ever done it ........ much
"Can't Get Along Without You"
I can jump so far..
from the moon to a star
Thats something I always could do.
I can hop non stop, all the way to the top
but I can't get along without you.
I can dive so deep, where the old catfish sleep
I can dance on the lily pad too.
But when I look around.. and you're not to be found
I know I can't get along without you.
I can't get along..
I'm no good alone somethings wrong
When you're not at home
I can go through the motions, thats all I can do
But I can't get along without you.
When you're all by yourself
you don't always need help
You can be on your own one frog team
But its so much more fun
When you know there's someone
who will always be there.. to be part of your dream
I can fly so high, I look down at the sky
With the whole wide world in my view
Then I come to my senses
And I feel so defenceless
I can't get along without you.
I can't get along..
I'm no good alone somethings wrong
When you're not at home
I still go through the motions, thats all I can do
But I can't get along without you.
I just can't get along
I know everythings wrong
No I can't get along
without you.
goodnight missT sweet dreams
hello CTV how are you?
The best chocolate soy in the world is SILK.
hi ctv, how are you hun
ergo that is so funny. i will be doing that tomorrow i can garrentee hahahaha
"Yes, Christopher Robin?" said Pooh helpfully.
"Pooh, when I'm--you know--when I'm not doing Nothing, will you come up here sometimes?"
"Just Me?"
"Yes, Pooh."
"Will you be here too?"
"Yes, Pooh, I will be, really. I promise I will be, Pooh."
"That's good," said Pooh.
"Pooh, promise you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I'm a hundred."
Pooh thought for a little.
"How old shall I be then?"
"Ninety-nine."
Pooh nodded.
"I promise," he said.
Still with his eyes on the world Christopher Robin put out a hand and felt for Pooh's paw.
"Pooh," said Christopher Robin earnestly, "if I--if I'm not quite--" he stopped and tried again--"Pooh, whatever happens, you will understand, won't you?"
"Understand what?"
"Oh, nothing." He laughed and jumped to his feet. "Come on!"
"Where?" said Pooh.
"Anywhere," said Christopher Robin.
"He'll notice me, and I shall notice him," said Pooh, thinking it out. "We'll notice each other for a long time, and then he'll say: 'Ho-HO!"
Two of my many favorite quotes from Winnie-the-Pooh (better late than never).
J
Hey CTV. How are you? K, I love SILK. When I'm not drinking that, I drink that Horizon organic chocolate milk.
I love that stuff.
Hey OP J. How are you?
Goodnight Miss t
Hello J&l,CTV and KApu
BC, J., Kapunua, Fimble, Ergo, and anyone else out there. I hope you're all doing well.
I accidentally dozed off a few hours back.
hey J, how are you tonight. nice to see you
hello J how are you? and how's L?
Evening all! I've been trying to figure who's on here...
BC, Fimble, Ergo, MJ, CTV, K, Anima...hello!
Belated goodnights to Miss T and RW.
Solly, you still here?
Ergo, L had a similar experience with a feral cat a few years back. Not pretty. She had a scar on her arm from a scratch/bite that was about 6 inches long. It finally faded, though. :P
J
MJ ^_^ Good to see you, dear. How's it going?
K, congrats on your backflippy-thing (sorry, forgot what you called it)!
Guaranteed some anon will start comparing you to Lyn-Z again with that move. :/
J
i like big butts-sir mix a lot
oh my god becky look at her but it is so big
She looks like one of those rap guys girlfriends
But who understands those rap guys they only talk to her b'c she like a total
Prostitute
I mean her but is just so big
I can't believe it is so round and out there
Its grouse
Look she's just so black
I like big butts and i can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
When a girl walks in with a tinny waste
And a round thing in your face you get sprung
You wanna pull up tuff cause u noticed that but was stuck
Be for the jeans she warring i am hooked and i cant stop staring
Oh baby i wanna get with ya and take your picture
My homeboys try to warn me but that butt u got makes me so horne
Oh rumper smooth skin u say u wanna get my buns
Well use me use me bc u aunt that average groove bin.
I seen her dancing to hell with romancing she sweet, wet got me going like a
Treble bet
I tried of magazines saying flat butts are the theme
The average butt made there arse kick butt shes gotta back mach back
So fallers, yeah fallers, yeah has ya girlfriend got the but, hell yeah tell
Her to shake it shake it shake that healthy butt.
Baby got bake
I like them round and big and when im throwing a gig i just cant help my self i
Am acting like an animal now his my skin
I wanna take u home and double up
I ant talking about play boy bc pricilla cant part to with me for toys
I wanna real think and juice so find that juice double makes a lot in trouble
Begging for a piece of that bobble
So im looking at rock video nasty bimbos looking like hoe you can have those
Bimbos i keep my women like flow joys a world to the flick so sisters i wanna
Get with ya i wanna course and hit ya i gatta be straight that wannatill the
Brake of
ergo that is so funny. i will be doing that tomorrow i can garrentee hahahaha
fim it is even funnier if you have 4 people in the car and you all do it!
Gosh, thanks J.! I hope not, though. O_o Err, cause with the backbend? Oh yeah, I go all the way. (And I wear pants. ;D )
Hey, SIr Mixalot, you own. Thanks for that.
Haha. Totally made me smile.
Mayo,
Hi, how are you tonight? I hope you are happy, healthy, warm, loved, safe, and feeling fine. Me? Well, let's just say I can relate to the sleep deprived part. I should so be in bed right now, but 3 tylenol pm's later and I'm still fucking awake. I ask you...what gives?
What am I waiting on tonight? Words.
And they aren't coming tonight. Not because I don't understand, but because I do. In my own way of course, I always do. So it's 11pm and I'm still not in bed. I started writing this comment to you 30 minutes ago. Yet, here I am. Still sitting here. Ass in my chair, staring at the screen, squinting. I am beginning to feel those blues starting to work their magic. Eyelids droop and eyes burn.
Words do hurt don't they, Mayo? You can't clean up the mess they leave behind. You can't just sweep it away and say "all clean, now." No, those words stay with you. Forever. They ring and they sting in your mind and your heart. They leave a dirty, nasty taste in your mouth. Does one ever heal from it? I haven't.
Sometimes it's so simple, yet I try my hardest to make it incredibly complex. This time, I am not going to do that.
I hear you. I get you.
And I thank you.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. Yeah, you.
CTV, I'm doing okay, fresh out of the shower in fresh pajamas. Ahhh. I hope you're well.
I was watching this super funny video on Youtube about Gerard and Starbucks coffee.
Sir mix-a-lot, you SO rule.
thanks bug butt anon, a few little spelling errors there but it is a great song!
BC I love that video. It's so fucking funny
Really? What happened?
*is intrigued* ;)
Hey, guys, just a reminder. Bert's birthday is a week from today. It must be celebrated ^_^
"If I Were..."
If I were a poet,
I would write a sonnet.
It would say "I love you."
Your name would be on it.
If I were a farmer,
I'd give you a bunny.
If I had a beehive,
You would get free honey.
Fa la la
If I were a baker,
You could have a cruller
If I were a painter,
Choose your favorite color.
If I had some diamonds,
I'd give you a few,
Anything to show you
How much I love you.
Fa la la
Did you guess my secret?
I am not a poet.
Couldn't write a sonnet,
And I think you know it.
I am not a farmer,
Can't give you a bunny.
I don't have a beehive,
Sorry 'bout the honey.
Fa la la
I am not a baker,
Don't know bread from batter.
And I am not a painter,
And it doesn't matter.
I don't need a present,
All I have to do
Is look at you to show you
How much I love you.
Fa la la
CTV I'm alright. Just trying to keep up with you guys
i am feeling the green love tonight
SIX RIBBONS
(Words and music by Jon English)
If I where a minstrel
I'd sing you six love songs to tell the whole world of the love that we share
If I where a merchant
I'd bring you six diamonds with six blood red roses for my love to wear
But I am a simple man a poor common farmer
So take my six ribbons to tie back your hair
Yellow and brown, blue as the sky, red as my blood, green as your eye.
If I were a nobleman
I'd bring you six palaces with six hundred servants for comforting care
But I am a simple man a poor common farmer
So take my six ribbons to tie back your hair
If I where a minstrel
I'd sing you six love songs to tell the whole world of the love that we share
so be not afraid, my love,
You're never alone, love while you wear my ribbons tie'n back your hair
Once I was a simple man a poor common farmer I gave you six ribbons to tie back your hair
Tooralee, tooralie
All I can share is only six ribbons to tie back your hair
Tooralee, tooralie
All I can share is only six ribbons to tie back your hair
Fimble Star said...
i am feeling the green love tonight
Bert?
;D
MJ, isn't it? A friend gave me the link the other day, and ever since then I couldn't stop laughing.
It's way damn funny.
Fimmy, the green love is the best love. (Or "froggy love" as I called it the other day.)
It makes me...
Wait for it...
"Hoppy."
J
i like that ergo,
jules, what are you impling?
hahaha J, hoppy hoppy jappy jappy
Insect?
Hmmmmm!?
0_0
Bikey? Is that you?
Bikey?
No, not me.
Oh Fim. I'm not implying anything. I'm outright telling you that you are a ho. ;D
wash your mouth out you dirty bird and get back to the red light district ;)
Halloo Moth, you're here because the light's on, I bet.
Again, sorry.
Not only am I feeling the green love with Fimble, I'm feeling the corny comments.
It's late.
J
Hello again moth.
Wait wait wait, I thought Fimble was an innocent. Now she's a ho?
An innocent ho. Hmm. Only in BlogBelieve.
J
Hey Moth. Nice to meet you.
hello moth
are you just moth or Man Of The House?
I like Moths.........and Mothra :)
Halloo Moth, you're here because the light's on, I bet.
Lights and shiny objects. ;D
fim your song rememinded me of that one, it's an Australian singer and was the theme for a tv series about colonial australia
Holy crap, it's 11:20 PM O_O
I don't think I've ever been here so late at night.
are you just moth or Man Of The House?
Just moth.
Hi to you (and CTV).
The ho's are recruiting me. COol, gotta make some extra money anyway.
Well guys, I'm off to bed. Good night, all! Catch you tomorrow on Crackberry where I am sure to double and triple post like a moron. FAIR WARNING.
Sweet dreams, love. Take care.
Hello moth if you are still here
Mayo at 3:22 PM. I just don't see why.
nighty night ctv and jules.
hey moth,
goodnight kapunua sleep tight
so moth, just flitting by?
anon, you dont see it cos it isnt him. sorry.
how are you anyway
Goodnight Kapu
anon why? there was an anon there also
Night K, have a good day tomorrow.
J
Goodnight K.
well guys i am off to bed to. i have to be up for class tomorrow
nighty night guys and sleep well
mayo - cheers
ss/kermit - have fun wherever you are and take care.
spread the green love all around.
nighty night guys
Goodnight and sweet dreams Fimble.
Goodnight Fimble.
Oh, before I forget again...
While L was at home this weekend, she wrote a poem, and I'd like to post it.
"COVER OF NIGHT"
I lie awake and listen
To the wind, the songs of the night
Never knowing how much I hear
I only ache for the morning light
The darkness surrounds me in a silken blanket
Barely there but covers me in a crawl
To comfort me with closeness, yet frighten me
I cannot move at all
I feel you around me
A shadow that moves too quick to glimpse
A breath caught for a moment
A small cry from within that tempts
I don't know if I should speak
Or try to make myself known
Will this specter be whom I seek
Or rip my throat out if I moan
Ah, the darkness plays tricks on me
Shadows that are not there
Was only the wind I'm sure of it
That felt like fingers through my hair
And when the light breaks through in the morning
And the sweet grass wears the dewdrops' coat
Will the kiss I still feel be the warning
Or the scratches upon my throat?
-L, 2.16.08
J
Goodnight Fimmy, have green dreams. Hoppy hoppy joy joy!
J
goodnight fs
Martha, I meant to ask you, how was your birthday overall? What gifties did you get?
J
J, I like L's poem.
goodnight fimble sleep tight sweetie!
dream green!
tell L that's a good poem ,J
L. is definitely a woman of incredible talent.
Can you please tell her she did an amazing job? I wish I could write poems like that.
Thanks, J.
I should get going now. School tomorrow, you know.
Goodnight and sweet dreams to all.
Goodnight and sweet dreams CTV.
BC, Ergo, CTV, I shall pass on your compliments to the author(ess?) upon her awakening in the AM.
I'm sure she'll be "well chuffed" to hear it! :D
J
Goodnight, Bob, have a lovely day at school tomorrow. (No, I wasn't being sarcastic either!)
love ya
J
J, thank you!
Goodnight CTV.
J it went alright. No presents as of yet.
No gifties yet? Well, like L and I like to say, it just stretches the celebration out longer! Have you had your cake yet? Sometimes that's the best part of the birthday!
J
Yeah I had my cake. German chocolate
goodnight CTV ! hope you're Tuesday is great!
German Chocolate...mmm, one of my very favorites, but sadly left in the past. That, and my mom's homemade white cake w/white frosting and coconut. Can't have coconut no mo'. :(
Eat some for me, wouldja, MJ? Thank you, honey.
J
oooh yum chocolate cake has got to be the best, I love black forest cake *drool*
moth must've flittered off?
I'm doing that right now J while watching Casanova with David Tennant
Either that, Ergo, or they got caught by the bug zapper.
Chocolate cake is the best food in the world. Especially the crumbs. ;)
*la la la la la*
J
Martha's having one of her Perfect Moments: eating birthday cake and watching David Tennant.
*shuts MJ's room door quietly so as not to disturb the, um, you know*
J
oh MJ!!!!
could it get any better that that!!!
*sigh*
wish I was with you!
J I hope the bug zapper didn't get it!
Hahaha J. I went from watching Terminator to David Tennant
Culture shock, Martha, culture shock!
Ergo, those zappers are wicked mean. Fly away, Moth, don't get drawn in!
Where'd BC go?
J
I think you guys would love this.
He just sleep with sisters.
It's dirty but very good, I must buy it when I get payed again.
OP J, I'm right here, just lurking in the corner.
MJ: at the same time???
BC, you were trying to look in room 32 again, weren't you? Told you before, that one's off limits! *tsk tsk*
J
SAME TIME J. The third sister didn't like him.
Now he is sleeping with a castrato. Well actually he just became a she.
HAHAHAHAHA! MJ, that's too good. I may have to watch that one.
Actually, kiddies, I think I'm gonna say my goodnights and go to bed. It's been grins!
Ergo, hope you feel better later today and can sleep well tonight. *hugs and kisses* Watch for infection, now.
MJ, enjoy yourself...but not too loudly! :D
BC, have fun lurking, or whatever. I owe you an email...one day...:D
Talk to you all later--L probably will be on tomorrow. She was really tired tonight and went to bed at 9pm EST. She said HELLO, though.
Sweet dreams, love, and all the good stuff!
J
Goodnight j.
MJ it's a wild movie
him describing meeting the actresses as "hello i'm David and I'll be taking you roughly from behind". is my favourite DT quote
goodnight J sleep well and thanks
night to L too
Mine as well EP. That is the best line ever.
OP J, no I wasn't! I don't even know who or what's in room 32, I swear! ;D
Goodnight and sweet dreams to you and L.
BC you can try and look as innocent as you like......
MJ he is such a charming funny guy, *sigh*
I would so stalk him if I was in the UK, seriously... ;) hehe
Well I'm off to bed. You guys have a goodnight
Ergo, I swear I wasn't peaking in room 32! ;D
By the way, what or who is in that room?
Goodnight and sweet dreams MJ.
What is in room David Tennant.
Who wants to take you roughly from behind. ;D
BC none of us want to know, it was something nasty that went on at one of the parties,a DJ, Bert a few people
and the aftermath was placed in there
Goodnight MJ sweet dreams and have a good tuesday!
Dear Mayo,
Hallucinating because you're so tired is, well, let's face it, BAD.
Now that I've proven I'm Master of the Obvious: honey, take naps. When- and wherever you can. Just not while operating heavy machinery.
Despite, or maybe because of, your lack of sleep, I pretty much understand your post. Don't think that I can explain it very well, but I do get most of it. Ah, bitter irony...
Anyway, honey, take care of yourself, try to grab some sleep if you can, and make sure when you're responding to the voices you hear that they belong to people who are actually in front of you. ;)
Bless your heart, honey. Be careful.
BTW, L says "Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you dearly. I will talk to you tomorrow, all right? Have a good sleep."
love to you, my brother
J
It should be what is in the room. See I shouldn't watch David Tennant and try to type.
MJ have some nice DT dreams!! lol
MJ should we lock David in the room?
you know just for convenience :)
I think that would be a good idea Ep. A new person to have sex talk about.
BC none of us want to know, it was something nasty that went on at one of the parties,a DJ, Bert a few people
and the aftermath was placed in there
-------------------------------------
I see. O_o
I'm off to bed for real now.
Talk to you tomorrow.
Good night everyone.
oh yes MJ any time you like!
He's gorgeous!
Sweet dreams MJ.
Anyone here?
sort of BC
Sweet. Right now I'm preparing for the mcr ticket presale, which is tomorrow and early, which kinda sucks.
SS love,
How are you doing? I hope you're taking care of yourself, getting enough rest, eating well, etc.
You know, it's pretty quiet around here when you're just lurking. Sometimes I think you're gonna jump out of your hidey-hole and shout "BOO!" when I'm not looking. And then I'll have some sort of episode, and you'll have to rush me to the doctor, and...well, it'll be bad.
So, maybe you shouldn't jump out at me and yell things.
Keep that in mind for future reference.
Gah, I'm mostly just babbling tonight. Oh, do me a favor, would you please, darlin'? You talk to Franky every once in a while, right? Would you mind passing on a couple of things from me?
Number one: Would you ask him--politely, and with the greatest respect, mind you--why he was wearing what looked to be every piece of clothing that he owns when they played Rio? I can appreciate his desire to look good, but, um, doesn't he get too hot up there? I know stage lights are very hot; besides which, he runs all over the place. Easy to overheat.
Number two: Please tell Frank that he looks really, really great with the extra weight on. I like that, very very much. And the longer hair. Yummy...
Thank you for passing that along for me. But don't worry, precious, you're still my one and only. *hugs and kisses*
I'm off to bed now. Maybe I'll catch you next time. On a Tuesday or something. Bring some chocolate cake, ok? It's alright if you make crumbs.
Love, Faith, Peace, and Happiness
J
Goodnight J. Mayonaise, I'm not sure what to say yet. It feels kinda empty here, with me being all by my lonesome self.
I am glad that Mayo also derives comfort from this community. I remember the earlier strife and the decision to maintain this blogspot because of the positive feelings and family spirit of those who gather here. It makes me happy to see it :)
-ConfusedAnon
^ I should have said formerly ConfusedAnon :)
Hello confused anon. I have to agree with you. I'm glad he takes comfort in this place. The family here is simply amazing and caring.
I guess confused anon left. Take care.
hi formerly confusedanon I think we're all glad it's still here, and it's nice to know he feels it, though the talking to himself etc is probably a little concern, he needs some good sleep!
how are you?
Oh yes, the talking to himself needs to stop, but then again, I do it myself, so who am I to tell him when to stop? ;p
well mayo
so you read about my day? Didn't start real well and kinda plateaued after that. I am still in pain and dulling it with a little alcohol, nah I'm not like that, I always have a glass before dinner, it's a nice way to begin closing the day and believe me this is a day I'd like to close!
Hopefully nothing more will come from it, but if I need antibiotics I'll get them straight away, it's never worth leaving something just hoping it'll get better.
But on the upside, situations I'd been very worried about have actually worked out ok, thank goodness (and Elena, if you're reading) Hubby certainly won't do that again! But we would have managed, nice not to have to.
So you really need some sleep hey, hallucinating is not good. But I must admit things happen or I see or hear something and I immediately think of people here, what they'd say, whether they'd laugh. I wonder how they are doing, people I don't see every day, I should say I miss them I'll try though I know I would have missed someone - elena amyranth emily katherine bikey silence cupcake sisM GS redrum sc andie villianelle pixie jade jen mya vm gosh there are so many, and I'm sure there would be more but I do miss people, I think about them wonder about them ,so many things remind me of specific people now and of you and SS, I hope you think of me sometimes amongst the many, I'm sure you do, it's easier to think of you than for you to think of all of us.
So thanks again for doing this, and please take care of yourself. (and I'm sure noone really thinks you're losing your marbles ...honest!)
wishing you rest, refreshment, reenergising and relaxation
much love EP xx
you too SS, lotsa love
EP xx
goodnight everyone!
♥
I am about to sign off and go to sleep, but before I do that, I have a few innocent questions to ask you, my little Mayonaise.
Do you enjoy when the Family yells at you? Do you enjoy when I yell at you? Because I happen to enjoy it, because you don't talk back. I called you a dumb fuck, but you know I said it out of love and concern. And I do take advantage of yelling at you every chance I get, although you are free to yell at me too ;p
What kind of music do you listen to? What are your favorite books? Bands?
I have been more open to you than to anyone I know, including friends and family; it would be nice to know what your favorite things are.
You know, something normal. I do get tired of having to constantly worry about you, but maybe I am wasting my emotions worrying about you. It could all be just for nothing, and deep down, it bothers me.
Everything that I have said to you since the beginning; I sincerely hope that it matters to you.
The only thing I wish I knew for certain is some sort of confirmation from you. It would be nice to know for sure.
Yes, even I sometimes worry whether or not my own words have made an impact on you. I wish I knew.
Sweet dreams my little jar of Mayonaise. Goodnight SS, Family, Ergo, lurkers. Sweet dreams to all.
Xoxo
Love you.
Goodnight Ergo. I hope your wounds will heal. Take care and get well ♥
Morning/afternoon/evening regards Mayo, SS, BC, Ergo the maybe/quite possibly arriving next FASC, Possum or Kass; lurkers, anonymous(es) and mysterious cloaked beings of blog believe!
How is everyone today? I hope you all had an as good as could be expected Monday. Heck, what am I saying? I hope it was MUCH better than that!
Okay, I have read Mayo’s post again - and this time other lines caught my attention.
Mayo said…..
“I am privileged to speak in more than one tongue,
last count...Three, “oh lucky me.”
Would it would be too much to ask, of the forked tongue, to point us in the direction of the other two tongues? (Unless you meant tongue as in language; if so, NEVERMIND !)
Mayo asked…..“but how fucking loud
must I scream before you down it all?”
Perhaps volume is not the problem.
Perhaps the problem is tone…….
And, because of the opening line:
“I am so sleep deprived these days
that I am beginning to hallucinate in real time”
Here is a little lullaby to help Mayo (and anyone else with insomnia) drift away into that blissful place known as dreamland:
Brahms Lullaby - Nat King Cole
*wonders if Mayo (or anyone else) would have preferred a bedtime story*
Oh well, I shall hope the lullaby does the trick!
If not, perhaps my a.m. quote to ponder might be sleep inducing:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“When we stop fighting with ourselves, we aren’t creating anymore conflict in our mind. Then our mind can for the first time relax and be still. Then for the first time our consciousness can become whole and unfragmented. Then total attention can be given to all of our thoughts and feelings. And then there will be found a gentleness and a goodness in us that can embrace all that is been given in the world. Then a deep love for everything will be the result of this deep attention. For this total attention, this soft and pure consciousness that we are, is nothing but Love itself.”
OR
“it is truth that frees, not your effort to be free”J. Krishnamurti
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yes, once again, I am indecisive.
OP L: Welcome back!!!! I forgot to say that earlier :/
I am glad you had a nice trip/visit! I thought the poem J posted for you was wonderful. You write with so much passion! I definitely felt it!!
OP J: You’re the most interesting “babbler” I know ;-)
Ergo: I’m glad that picture of your injury was the looking better picture. YIKES, It looked horrible to me. I would hate to see what it looked like before! I hope you’re feeling better now, love!
Martha: Being naughty AGAIN, I see & without the doctor. Umm hmm…..it’s ALWAYS the quiet ones!
*big wink*
Sdock: You can spank me anytime you wish ;-)
Especially since you were graciously enough to accept my crusty smooches
And with such vigor too!!!!
Moth: Do NOT go towards to light……..
It is not yet your time……come back!
Okay, I’ll be here forever addressing everyone who posted last night, so I will just say a final:
Have a great *insert time of day here* everyone!
Hugs and love to all,
~Namaste~
6/Wendy
HOORAY! Mayo’s blog has gone GREEN - thanks to Fimble (and her inspiration- the frog that honks)!!! :D
Hey Mayo
I’m back. Did you miss me? (Yep, this is where you’re suppose to pretend that you did)
Well I missed you. I missed writing my goodnight to you. The other day I said that then said that I sounded stupid for saying it. Know what? I’ve decided it’s not stupid. Saying goodnight to you give me a feeling of contentment. A feeling that someone is listening to me. I don’t get that very often as I move about in my real life. I’m pretty sure when I talk to my kids I sound like the grown-ups on the Charlie Brown cartoons. You know that incoherent mumbling? Oh course that’s not to say that I don’t mumble incoherently, cause well, I do.
Now about your newest post. I finally had time to sit down with a cup of coffee and a cigarette and read it. Then I read it again, then again. Jury’s still out on this one. It evokes a lot of emotions in me. I’m just not ready to accept any of them. I’m good at avoidance. Remember that whole sticking my fingers in my ears so I don’t have to hear things? Yeah, it’s like that.
Okay, I just went back and read it again. You sound very tired, confused and pissed. All shitty emotions. I think it is the p.s. that stands out most to me –clings to the words both to and from and the memories. Ah, memories. Things that are supposed to be thoughts from the past. Problem is they aren’t really past. Memories can become living, breathing little buggers that just won’t go away, no matter how much you’d like them to die. They stick with you, poking you at the most inopportune moments. They aren’t the past they are the here and now. Fuck that “memories light the corners of my mind.”shit. Let’s face it one of those really neat devices from Men In Black to erase them would be pretty sweet. Not good memories of course. Those can stay.
So I just realized I went off on a tangent about memories and that probably had nothing to do with what you are saying. I faced the fact long ago I’m pretty sure 99% of the time I’m wrong about your thoughts. How the hell can I figure out yours if I can’t figure out mine?
Anyway, I’ll wrap this up (sorry NOT in 250 words or less cause I’m already at 411and still going) and say goodnight. Thank you for giving me the feeling that someone is listening. It’s a feeling I need, a feeling I keep with me through the day.
Elena (444 words) Wait make that 448 words – I was trying to break 450 – and so I did!
WOW!!! I wrote a novella!
Sorry folks *blushes*
mayo,
well, i've already given you my first impression of your new post, in my usual airy-fairy way.
*sigh*
but for some reason -- and i'm certainly not going to try to figure out why, because sometimes it's much better (and safer) to just let your subconscious be your subconscious, you know? -- re-reading this entry makes me wonder if you shouldn't be keeping an eye out for nurse ratched.
*heh*
actually, i like posts like this. before the meaning starts to fully sink in, i enjoy being made a little bit dizzy by the words themselves.
yes, i'm that easy.
and i never know how much you're giving us of your true self, i don't have the rosetta stone that would make it absolutely clear, so i read and re-read and make guesses and listen to my intuition, and never ask myself why i need to know what's glitter and what's gold. and it shouldn't matter, maybe, because a gift is a gift, after all, and your's is freely given, and more than i could have imagined ever receiving.
and all this another airy-fairy ramble to eventually say, once again: thank you.
because even though it's a bit one-sided, talking to you is much better than talking to myself, and because i know you read our comments, i know that i am heard.
now, you be careful out there, ok, mcmurphy? keep your head intact.
good night from me, and a good day to you, mayo.
Hey Mayo,
So you haven't deserted us after all! To be honest, I never bother to more than skim-read your longer entries, but it's nice to have you back.
Did anyone else have a problem getting into blogger (any blog) yesterday? I kept on getting a "404 Error" which told me to delete my cookies. As opposed to eat my cookies...
Kass xx
Howdy Kass!!!!
*pounce, tackle, hug*
Not sure if Kass wants the smooch?
I think eating cookies is much more fun than deleting cookies.
Just my opinion though! Any and/or all are free to disagree
:p
I will now interrupt the regularly scheduled blog believe programming/commenting for yet ANOTHER MAJOR MUSIC NEWS ANNOUNCEMENT:
*drum roll please*
KISS is doing another WORLD TOUR!!!
That's right folks. It's not just the New Zealand show....NOPE.....
it is much, much more!!!
See for yourselves:
KISS/35 years WORLD TOUR
Ergo: HOORAY for YOU! They're coming for you!!!!!
3/16/08 Melbourne
3/18/08 Brisbane
3/20/08 Sydney
A sample, of what you will get
-- minus Bruce Kulic and Eric Carr (RIP)
and, plus the makeup!
KISS LIVE Crazy Night
Okay, here's one with the make-up:
KISS LIVE Love Gun
I'm soooo excited; can ya'll tell?
Nobody does it better - LIVE!!!
good morning blogbelieve family!! i hope you are all brilliant. well i know you are so there!
hello wendy and kass and any one else actually still here!
morning mayo! hope you are ok? i have read and re read and some things are clearer but you are a tricky one!
morning SS! won't you pop in again sometime soon? we miss you.
ergo i hope your injury isn't too painful today but no doubt it will be for a while. poor you.
MJ you probably won't read this but i had to smile at your rudeness and your wish for david tennant to take you roughly from behind!! hells! how did you get to sleep after that imagery!
elena i love you for this:
Elena (444 words) Wait make that 448 words – I was trying to break 450 – and so I did!
you always make me chuckle!!
i'm in a good mood but how long will it last?? who knows??
ok how dee to PP also who should be arriving soon!
kass,PP you ready girls??
FASC!!!!!!!!!!
*pounce tackle hug smooch*
I am is such a great mood this morning - although, I really should be TRYING to sleep.
Who needs sleep anyway, right?
Okay, don't answer that.
;P
Why am I in such a good mood, you ask? WEll, there's the KISS World tour thing AND I get to see ACE FREHLEY this weekend - no longer with KISS, but still rockin'!!!!!
It's happy dance time!
*grabs your hands and spins you round and round* weeeeee....
Ummm, okay, I'm dizzy now......
ooh sorry wendy i was on a wander!
you do sound very excited!!!
you aren't going to sleep when you are that excited!
That's okay FASC!
I was wandering and wondering myself ;-)
I think it IS definitely time for me to begin my expedition in search of that ever more (and more) elusive land o dreams....
Perhaps I should watch/listen to Brahms's Lullaby a few dozen times!
All those sleeping kitties are just too adorable! :)
Have a great day FASC and Kass, if she's still around here - somewhere.
Hugs and Love,
6/Wendy
Bye 616!
Hi FASC!
I've been distracted by actual, you know, "work" and reading back - I have a mental image of Mayo rubbing his hands together with evil glee as we re-read his post and try to uncover the secret in deliberately meaningless random wittering. I, for one, refuse!
And so my nose returns to the grindstone...
Kass xx
Mayo,
Hello, it's Tuesday! What? You aren't excited? Really? I thought everyone got all worked up for Tuesday. It's the best day of the week by far.
Right.
Did your believe me? Almost? Well, you can't blame me for trying to psych myself and you up for the day ahead. More that half the battle is completely mental. So I just figured......oh forget it.
Do you ever wake up and hope you will have one of those days straight out of the movies? All the excitement, passion, and adventure without the fiery car crash of death at the end of course. It seems I've been waiting for a moment like that my whole life. I've come close.
Close.......almost.
Almost close enough to touch it.
Maybe today.
Feel me?
And I could just be talking out my manic side today. Who can tell anymore? Can't you girls just work together and get along?
Mayo, I hope today plays out for you like your favorite movie. Big screen, HD, reclining seat, popcorn style.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. Is it too early to talk sequel?
Goodbye 616!
Good afternoon FASC and Kass!
Good morning to ALL!
*flings arms wide to embrace all of BlogBelieve*
Faraway,
what do we have to do to beat you at DM?
*considers tossing photos of sweaty MCR guitarists in front of FASC at some future time, as a delaying tactic*
Ergo, ouch!
Cat scratches hurt like crazy and some of those look deep. There is nothing harder than shaking an angry cat off your leg, let alone a feral cat. I'm glad you had it seen to. Ewww, soon they'll get all crusty and catch on your trousers. Ouch, ouch, ouch.
OP L,
Nice to read you. I would really like to know the answer to question one as well. He looked like a human version of pass-the- parcel with all those layers.
*PP claims no responsiblity for any images and thoughts that come out of that analogy*
Kapunua,
*smiles*
I was nicely proven wrong wasn't I? And super pleased about it, too for you.
Socky,
I've left something for you at my place >_<
SS,
Hope life is treating you well. Everyday is a new experience and something to look forward to, isn't it?
So Mayo,
You took the words I had been thinking about, out of my mouth, with your post.
I've always been a nightowl but four hours of sleep a night, for how many months now, has finally caught up. 3am blogging does not facilitate coherent discussions or writing during daylight hours.
But I can do what you can't. I'm going to walk away for a while and catch up with those real life things that require me perky and alert to complete them.
It won't be easy. The last time I was off line, due to technical issues, I was like an addict without crack.
So before I go I'd just like to thank you for keeping your home going. It really is quite remarkable here what has developed from a 'disappointed in GW' focal point, to also evolve into an interactive community with tight friendships. You feel it too don't you?
So cheers and so long for now.
Sleep, scream, laugh and love your way through life.
PP
"I think I'll go for a walk outside now
the summer sun's callin my name
(I hear ya now)
I just can't stay inside all day
I gotta get out get me some of those rays
everybody's smilin
sunshine day
everybody's laughin
sunshine day
everybody seems so happy today
it's a sunshine day"
WOW that's way to fucking cheery but I can't help it. It's gonna be a good day, even it there is no summer sunshine, just winter yuck. I get to pre-order my MCR tickets today. Fuck yeah! I shall make this day mine!!!
Everyone have a great day.
I am going to the Detroit show and I am wondering how to pre-order tickets. Anyone know?
Mayonaise;
I was feeling fine,
You’ll be coming clean tonight,
And I’ll be falling down with you once again,
Call me your valentine, call me once tonight,
And I will then say it's okay,
The things you've said, I’m rehearsing them
*tap* *tap*
I can't stop pushing those buttons. I knew you were going to post yesterday, but I also couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. Maybe I'm too pessimistic, maybe I'm just a huge worry-wart. Despite your reassurances, I still find this post a little.. off. Are you showing some more more of your colous? (No? I didn't think so..) I can't think of anything to say but, don't forget to live; your life.. In the real world. Not just you Mayonaise, everyone. Sometimes I know that I forget.
Just live.
xox;
- 007
P.S. ^^ A few Saosin lyrics to get you through the day. ;)
SS, I miss you, you little pumpkin patch. Come out come out wherever you are! ;) Don't make me push your buttons either! Yes, yes, I am worried about you too. But maybe I shouldn't be.
Pactum Serva?
xoxo;
- 007
<3
anon@ 8:50:
http://mychemicalromance.ducatking.com/
For Wendy
Hello again. Anyone at home?
Elena,
Hi, it's VM. Remember me?
I have been away for awhile. Trying to get life in order.
Anyway, I was reading back a little to catch up and the conversation that you & Sdock had rang all too true for me. If you don't mind I would like to share a little of what I am feeling.
My current experience is very similar.
40, recently "found" myself again after years of mother/wife neglect. Husband dosn't understand, and I don't even know if I want him to anymore. Considered leaving, it is so hard.
There is so much more...
Crap, I feel like shit unloading this on you. I hope I didn't ruin your day.
-VM
VM
Hey good to see you. I believe we are in the same boat. He told me last night he wishes I would go back to the way I was before. I said "you really want me to be unhappy like I was?" His answer "Yes"
Shit, what do you say to that?
I have no idea how I would respond to that. (His happiness is worth more?)
Saturday night I asked my husband "what do you think about me?" his reply, "I don't know." that was it, he just dosn't know. I aksed that he explain, he said he couldn't.
It is strange, I have never been happier being me, but my marriage has never been shittier.
-VM
I understand that my husband doesn't like some of the changes. Instead of keeping things inside I'm starting to tell him the truth. He doesn't want to hear. It's like about this blog. I tell him about all the wonderful people who are my friends and he laughs. He calls them my make-believe friends. He said he did't want to hear anymore about it. I told him I thought it was pretty sad that I couldn't share things in my life that are important with him. He said he simply doesn't care.
What he can't see is how I'm trying to be the "true" me. The me that has been hiding for so long. I just won't believe that I should go on hiding to please him. If he doesn't like me now, he's never really known the real me. That's pretty damn sad. It's hard to believe that he couldn't see how unhappy I was. How I had withdrawn so much that all I did was eat and sleep. Oh and clean house. Yeah, that was a big one. If he loves me how couldn't he see that? Just because I did't tell him how I felt, couldn't he see? Or maybe he just didn't want to see.
Elena,
I started writing this and then I read your response and boy how I relate.
I try to share with him but he refuses to hear me. If he couldn't (or refused) to see how unhappy I was before maybe he never really loved me.
I have and still support him and all of his interests. He just refuses to acknowledge or support me and mine. Apparently the things that I like to do are not valid in his world.
His attempts at belittling me for the things I like to do are getting old and frustrating.
-VM
The story you guys tell is so sad and familiar. There is no happy choice. I know you say you're stayimg together for the kids, but could you be sending them the message that. It's acceptible to stay with someone who really WANTS you to be unhappy?
Elena, that was a cruel thing your husband said. I'm sorry. You don't deserve that treatment.
This is what I have told him (I felt that if he read it he might be able to understand without immediately becoming defensive):
“In my opinion, you may want to find some help to deal with your feelings. I know that is not easy to do, but I am finding it increasingly difficult to be around you.
I want to share my life with you, and that includes my interests. I want to be able to tell you something that I find exciting or interesting, but I am constantly met with derisive looks and comments. I feel like I can’t tell you anything about me because you will just put me down and make it seem like what I have to say is ridiculous and unimportant. I have always supported you and your interests, softball, baseball, work, etc. For some reason you are unable to do the same for me.
I have value. What I like to do matters to me, and when you attempt to belittle me, that makes my living conditions hostile. This is not the example I want to set for (our daughter). She should not feel that she should compromise her own feelings and interests for her partner. She should come to expect that the person she chooses to share her life with will be open to her interests and opinions, even as they may change over time. I expect that too.”
Still waiting on an appropriate response. The clock is ticking.
-VM
VM
I still do everything for my family that I did before. That has not changed. But sometimes I just don't think anything I will ever do is enough. I can relate to the belittling. My husband makes fun of he way I dress. Too may skulls, he said. Too many band Tee's. I asked him if it was ok for Harley people to wear skulls, or NASCAR fans to wear logos? That seems okay in his world. He honestly said there is nothing about the new me he likes. How the hell do you respond to a statement like that? I just shook my head and walked away. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. I can honestly say in all the years we've been married I never once said anything to him that I thought would hurt his feelings. He's never had any problem saying things that hurt mine. I guess now though I'm beginning to ask myself it that's right.
mayo @6.37 pm??
So check this out, true story. There's around here and her last name is Italia, right? Well her parents named her JENNIFER. Seriously, why would you set your kid up for that? O_o
Elena,
I had the exact same conversation. He says I wear too much black and hates my tattoo (he has one but that is ok).
And I totally related the band t-shirts to baseball/basketball teams and he says that is just not the same. He claims some difference between supporting a sport team on t-shirts, I don't see it though.
Kapunua,
That is so f'n funny. Thanks for that.
I knew a family that named there kid Louis and their last name is Zer.
-VM
K - they had a wicked sense of humor?
Anon - Who knows what lurks in the mind of Mayo?
what is he talking about>??
Oh crap, their kid.
-VM
VM
Back to we're in the same boat. At least mine didn't say anything about my tatoos. Yeah, he's got one too. I'm planning for my third.
ANON - Don't know who that ANON was so how could we possible know what they were talking about?
Elena,
I have a question for you, but if you feel it is too personal you do not need to answer it.
Do you have people around you that have the same interests and like to do the things that you like to do?
I ask this because I really don't. And that makes it even harder...and is probably why I come here.
Thanks for listening, it really does help.
-VM
did anyone else get the google ERROR messages on this blog for a little while???
Elena,
Your situation sounds all too familiar.
Unfortunately, no amount of words will take the place that action will.
I wish you luck and love. You may not believe me, but I know how trapped and helpless it is to be in that kind of obligation.
VM
I only have one close friend and she tolerates the things I like. Other than that it's just me, myself and I. And yeah, that's another reason this place is so special to me.
Good Morning, Family, how are you?
I know this has become my standard post in the afternoon, the "Gotta go for now but will be back later" post. I did intend to come back on last night, but as the saying goes, the spirit was willing but the flesh was weak. :)
Thank you to those who complimented me on the poem J. posted last night. She told me about it this morning and I went back and read the comments. I also posted it at our blog.
I have felt bad about not being here for my Sisters these past few days. I have read back over a lot of the comments, (not all 4000 from the last yet!) and I just want to sit in a room with all of you and hold you and rock you and tell you everything will be alright.
That goes for you too, Mayo, and SS.
Helpless. But you know what? I'ma gonna do my damnedest to do what I can, and hope that something, anything, any words will reach who they need.
I told someone yesterday I know I don't have all the answers, not even for myself. Some days I only have questions. But I know from personal experience that sometimes it only takes one sentence, one verse, a few words to make a difference.
I didn't mean to ramble on quite like this, but, well, there you go.
I WILL be back on later tonight,(I owe you a post Mr. Naise.) But for now, J. and I are off on a quest even more important than the destruction of the One Ring.
Yes.
The coffee maker is broken.
This is a disaster of Biblical proportions.
J. does not think so, but I informed her it is on the level of Coke discontinuing TAB.
She understands now.
I will see you later on, love to all.
Pactum Serva.
L.
Katherine thanks for your words. I just keep holding on. Believing it might get better. For now that's all I can do.
Uh, just thinking about your situation makes me feel a little nauseous.
You may be able to get over the hurt, but sometimes the body still remembers....
Hey all! Just checking in for a sec.
Kapunua,
You make me laugh every single day. That makes you special O_o
Elena & VM,
I have come to the conclusion that we are all married to the same man. WTF? All I want to know is, why in the hell did you guys send him down here to me? Just for that
I'll send him back to ya! ^_~
Alright, back to work for me.
GRRRR!
Love you all!
XOXO,
S&V20
Love ya S&V
Sorry but no returns.
As Mayo....
I often wish to possess the blind ignorance to myself as most have. My self awareness is a curse and more often than not, I feel disembodied. Watching myself speak and gesture and float through my day. A marionette manned by neuroses and fear. If I focus too much on the awkwardness of my motions, the way I have trained myself to act as if I'm human, the puppeteer is immobilized. A deer in headlights.
However, this is not news to all of you. I have spoken of this before.
The worst of all is that I love my own misery.
Self fulfilling prophecy. I say I want to be hear and understood only to continue asking for it in riddles.
I see myself do this and love the defeat and I hate my terrible cycle and thus begin it anew willingly.
I scream in such a way that no one understands and then is frustrated when no one does.
Speaking in riddles keeps me safe. Misery is safe. To allow oneself the possibility to let someone know who you truly are is a crack of vulnerability and that inevitably means hurt and disappointment.
How much safer to keep pretending it is all of your collective fault that you don't know what I'm talking about rather than my own. How comforting to know that no one will be able to touch me in any meaningful way.
When this revelation sinks and I go down with it, I don't even turn my eyes to Heaven any longer for deliverance.
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