Shame Folded Neatly
The closet was dark, and the air stale.
I waited until I could no longer hear
the breathing, and cracked open the door.
It took several seconds for my eyes to begin
to adjust to the light; I had been hidden
for several hours, most of the night.
And each breath you withhold, while still
sat across the room, arms crossed, and waiting
is released into the center of the room. I hear you
now your image becomes shadow, then curved line,
then hair, cheeks, eyes, lips, and my racing heart
is released into the center of the room. I hear you
I am fully admitted and betrayed
by the vibrations of that persistent organ
pounding in my ears and of that accidental welcome.
You alight beside me
relieving me of my guard, and returning
my promise of faith.
I thought I had waited long enough, but instead you held fast to your claim that I would emerge faithfully back into the room. And of course, I did. Not yet ready to face our lost time. And the screaming, long since dulled against the cold green plaster walls now cracked by our words thrown hard, aimed at heads and hearts, but missing. In the center of this room all that remains is heated breath and pounding heart. And the two of us are searching our thoughts, and desperately trying to string together enough words to reconnect.
p.s. sometimes in the moment we are unable to see the forest for the trees.
"Yes, I do." so now, back to that question...
Saturday, January 12, 2008
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«Oldest ‹Older 1801 – 2000 of 2215 Newer› Newest»Me too, Siobhan!
confession....
I cant suck on hard candy, i have to eat it. I cant chew fruity gum either, i have to swallow it.
Confession....
I watch porn
Random Confession:
I'm smarter than my husband.
Let's play the confessions game.
Mayo, ss, feel free to join in.
Confession:
I watch porn
So do I.
And I write it, too.
When I was a child in Kindergarten I picked up old chewing gum from the ground washed it and chewed it.
An aficionada right from the beginning.
If they haven't already.
Confession:
I'm get tired of being cheerful and pleasant, but I can't help myself. It's automatic.
i hate my husband but im too scared to leave and be alone.
...and apparently the only one who isn't afraid to make confessions not as an anonymous.
Have some guts, dude(tte)s!
siobhan, dont ruin it.
BC, I hope you payed attention yesterday and something got through to you. I kno wyou thought it was mean but I was just trying to help you and I still am. I dont' want any one to get hurt. So get help. Please think about it.
im an angry, bitter, mean woman who likes to ridicule others but most people dont know this about me. they think i'm a sweet, helpful, kind person.
I thought this is about funny/odd things. I didn't know that people would pour their hearts out here.
I'm quiet now!
confession:
I don't think BC is delusional, I think she's figuring herself out, and it's taking longer for her than for other people. I think whoever is telling her she's delusional is being extremely mean and Should. Just. Stop.
Confession.....
I do not feel important here!
OK Siobhan, heres a funny, odd thing: I dont like pizza anymore. Or pasta really.
i wish I could make you feel important, anon at 2:21
To the anon who doesn't feel important here.
You Are. We need everybody to make this special. Including YOU.
♥
i check out guys all the time
Oh, that's sad actually, anon! I hope you will like this yummy things again. Maybe, you had too much of it for some time and need a break?
Other anon, everyone is important here! We are all equal, although some may think they are more equal than others.
Join the Irrelevantettes!
Confession.....
I miss ss
i check out guys all the time
Me too! hehe
Confession:
I miss SS and Mayo too
Maybe, you had too much of it for some time and need a break?
No I lost my taste for it completely. Dont grieve for me though lots of good food left in the world. LOL
Confession
I wish Mayo would write to us every day, but I try to be content with what we get because I dont want this to end.
I'd rather say nothing about that.
- ❤ed Siobhan
He means the world to me.
He makes me want to barf.
He needs a good fuck
He needs brain surgery.
Confession.......
I hate favortism
Then this the wrong place for you.
I love my best friend more than I love my wife.
Confession......
I agree with Siobhan-san
I don't deserve his forgiveness.
I love my best friend more than I love my wife.
That's a good one, anon!
PS: Pancake-Zilla says 'Thank You'.
Maybe you should blog, to let out your steam Anon^_^
I wish I could have what he has.
A Twix?
I wish I could be more like him, I am envious of his serenity.
Anon @ 2:17:
Stop pretending like you actually care.
Anon @ 2:20:
Thank you!
Anonymous said...
I wish I could be more like him, I am envious of his serenity.
You can. But be yourself as well.
L.
I am ashamed of my sexuality.
Confession:
I secretly wish I could have sexy time with Gee and Frank, together.
Why?
L.
I miss him.
My question was to the 2:56 Anon.
L.
lol@I secretly wish I could have sexy time with Gee and Frank, together.
When was the last time you saw him? (anon at 2:58)
"lol@I secretly wish I could have sexy time with Gee and Frank, together."
Thank you! Sounds like fun, dontcha think?
i have had fantasies where i meet frank and he falls for me and we live happily ever after but i have also given bleeding chaos a hard time for fantasizing about gee way
Confession:
I really enjoy that tug-of-war between those two.
Hi OP L, Pancake-Zilla. How are you guys? Siobhan-san, I saw that you were having a conversation with yourself earlier on lol. Hey anon, only I can call Siobhan Siobhan-san ;p
My confession:
Sometimes I don't like taking a shower. I took one last night but all of the hot water was gone, and so, my hair is filthy. It hasn't been washed for five days now.
Confession.....
I drink my own piss
I would give anything to be able to return to that night and take back the words that inflicted so much pain.
Anon @ 3:02:
A-ha!
i am a heterosexual girl but i develop really overwhelming girl crushes.
Hy, my BC!✿❀
How are you?
Anon, what were those words? I'm sure it wasn't that bad. Maybe you are being too hard on yourself. Maybe he already has forgiven you.
It's *Hi* actually!
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Edit button, where are you?
I secretly dream that Bert and Gerard will one day get together.
I'm a compulsive Bert/Gerard slash reader. I have Toxic and Teach Me to Forget saved on my hard drive and I read them over and over but I worry constantly that my mom will find it.
:/
Hello, BC. Siobhan. How ever many anons there are...
Anon at 3:06,
Does he know that? And are you on speaking terms?
You did not say why you were ashamed of your sexuality. You shouldn't be, no matter what it is.
L.
Confession:
I miss m.
hi and a nice afternoon/evening, how´s everyone doing? *hugs*
I loathe myself. I am ugly. I am twisted. I am a coward. I am conflicted. I am tired of trying. I am tired of lying to myself. I am tired of faking it. I have no redeeming qualities. I am a fucking waste of space.
Anon at 3:16,
How can you say that? Do you not have people who care about you, who love you? What have you done that you feel you cannot be forgiven for? I have no idea who you are, but I do know that NO ONE is a waste of space.
Talk to me.
L.
the loathing anon turns me on
Anonymous: I'm sorry you feel that way. It's not really true about you though. You just need to see yourself in a different light. At some point, most people have felt that way about themselves. I know I have. You just have to hang in there.
Anon @ 3:16:
No, you are not a waste of space. You are not ugly, or any of those things. You are a worthy human being, just like all of us. AS Jen said, you need to see yourself in a different light.
Hi there my dear pixie. How are you? *hugs*
I fucked up. I made the biggest mistake of my life. It will never be the same again. All I have now is regret. I am selfish. I replay the words over and over. I was angry and I didn't mean it.
Hello OP(L)!✿❀ *hugs*
Hello Jennicula!✿❀ *hugs*
Hello, my Pixie!✿❀ *hugs*
☮
Lol, that's okay Pancake-Zilla.
Hi there Jen. I agree with you: I miss m too. Where the hell is he?
Anon,
Who did you fuck it up with? Your best friend? How do you know it cannot be fixed? Have you talked to him?
Call him, please.
L.
Hi guys!
Jades back.
^.^
Anon @ 3:24:
If you believed that you have made the biggest mistake, then why don't you ask for forgiveness? Mistakes are not pleasant to deal with, but they teach us to learn and to better ourselves. It's worth a try. Trying is better than not trying at all.
hi bc I´m om how about you? *hugs*
hi siobhan, nice flower :) how are you? *hugs*
Confession...
I am Mayo.
Anon at 3:24 have you said those words to him/her and truly asked for forgiveness?
Nobody see's what I see when I look in the mirror. A monster.
Anon @ 3:29:
It is too easy for an anon to say that he/she/they is "Mayo"
Pixie, I'm okay, thanks for asking. I'm just a bit cold.
Mayo, you can make this right. It will be hard, but you owe it to youself. Be strong. We are here for you.
Anon @ 3:30:
You are not a monster! It doesn't matter if people can't see the real you. You are not a monster.
X_X
Hello errrrrbody.
What's a going on in here?
Okay, I'm confused.
Anon, you have to ignore the person you see in the mirror from now on. You have realised your mistakes, only you can make it better again.
anonymous said...
Nobody see's what I see when I look in the mirror. A monster.
But there might be a person out there who thinks you're beautiful and worth it.
Anonymous said...
Nobody see's what I see when I look in the mirror. A monster.
I will ask again. Why? What do you think you have done that makes you a monster? We all see our monsters when we look in the mirror. It's only if you let it free and surrender to it that you see only the monster.
L.
Anonymous said...
Confession...
I am Mayo.
I confess that I almost asked you to sign in as mayonaise. But you know what, if you are not taking the piss, I don't care who you are. You are hurting, and that is all I'm going to go on.
L.
It's only if you let it free and surrender to it that you see only the monster.
Exactly.
Anon, I don't think you're a monster.
Regardless of what you may say, I still don't think you are.
I accept that nothing can ever stay the same. The moment has passed. The memory remains.
Anon, keep talking. We'll do our best to help.
Anon, think of all the people who love you.
What has happened? Do you believe you have lost someone forever?
Will you please talk to me?
L.
Nothing does stay the same. That's life, my friend. You just need to pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and move on. Hold the memories special in your heart. But, make room for new memories. For there will be good ones too.
OP L, I think this person is trying to say that there's nothing he can do about the situation; that it won't be how it was before.
Confession:
I'm Amelia Earhart.✈
These confessions are making me sad.
Self-confessed Mayo, are you okay? Is there anything we can do?
Anons, I do not know who is who, but I love all of you here. All of you are beautiful. Mayo too.
I know you guys are probably sick of reading about it. You know I'm really jsut worried. I said what I had to say and so now I leave you with those thoughts. BC get help. Or you will end up getting hurt or hurting some one.
hi s&v how are you? :)
The love of others offers little comfort. Selfish. Ungrateful. Undeserving.
anon at 2:56 I also am ashamed and I don't know why. I have lots of gay and bi friends and am vocal againt homophobia. Even my family are for gay rights. What is my problem? I feel to old(ish) and settled to even try.
BC, how do you know it's a 'he'?
Anon, you know what? You're not helping the situation by bringing up the same damn topic over and over and over again when I'm not even talking about it. You think you're helping, but you are not. My mind is not on him right now. I'm trying to help give advice to someone you prick.
Siobhan-san, I don't know. I'm just guessing, but I have the distinct feeling that the real Mayo or SS is not here.
Anon at 3:46,
You don't believe you deserve love because you did or said something selfish.
If that is the case, none of us deserve love. We all do selfish things. But you have to try to fix them. Believe in forgivness. Justice can be tempered with mercy, my dear.
Accept you will always make mistakes. We all will. Learn from them. Correct them the best you can. Why do you think what you have done is completely irreversible?
L.
I got used to telling so many lies and when it mattered most, I forget how to tell the truth.
Anon @ 3:46:
The love you receive from others is not considered to be selfish or undeserving. It's unconditional.
It's not too late to remember how, Anon. Start with your friend.
L.
anonymous said...
I got used to telling so many lies and when it mattered most, I forget how to tell the truth.
Do you know what the truth is? If you do, then try to make amends. You have to live with yourself and the end result. How are the lies treating you now?
Anon at 3:52 do you honestly think It's too late for the truth or have you lied so often that no one believes you anymore?
Pick up the phone and make the call. Tell the truth and accept the consequences.
Mischief dissipates, leaving only emptiness. A hollow shell. A shadow that I am unable to touch, always out of reach.
^^I agree.
Doesn't anyone have something fun to confess?
Anon,
What happened that night? What did you say that you believe shattered something forever?
BC, I think you may be right, but that's why I said as long as this person isn't taking the piss, I don't care who it is. If they are, well, it's a chance I am willing to take. I actually HOPE someone is messing around. But if it is someone who is in pain, I will do my best to help.
L.
I just read that people were talking about Alan Rickman last night!
Isn't he a sexy guy?!
Same here OP L. Anon @ 4:04 we are at your service. Whatever is on your mind, you know you can talk to us.
Are you playing with metaphors again?
Siobhan-san, who the hell is Alan Rickman?
I don't find a lot of celebrities or singers sexy, to be honest. I like normal, regular dudes. Ha ha
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, BC!
You don't know Alan Rickman???
Severus Snape?
If a ghost should wander through these halls and read these words;
By hurting you I have only hurt myself.
Anon, there will never be a perfect day, time or place for your truth telling. Do it now so you can move forward with your life.
Don't wait for the ghost to wonder these halls. Find a way to say all that you need to say, but in person. Maybe then you both can begin to heal from the situation.
Anon, wallowing in self-pity is doing nobody any good. Call up that ghost. It could be a long time before they pass this way.
Pancake-Zilla, I have no idea who Alan Rickman is. Should I bow my head down in shame? Lol
Anon, if you hurt this ghost, why don't you talk to them and apologize? It is never too late to make amends, and by prolonging it, your guilt will only continue to eat at you. You need to take action before it eats you whole.
I find that the greatest joy of mine is seeing others happy and not myself.
Time heals all wounds and the clock is ticking. Comfort can be found in places soft and warm and the clock is ticking. Distractions of the weaker kind are welcome and the clock is ticking.
I wish you all a pleasant evening.
Yes, BC! Do that!
Anon, do you hear us?
Are you picking up your phone? Dial right now. Now is the time.
Anon,
You say you are selfish, but you want to make others happy and not yourself. I don't think anyone is winning in this situation.
Learn to love and respect yourself first. Only then can you love and respect others.
L.
Anon @ 4:24:
Pleasant evening to you as well. Take care.
Siobhan-san, lol! That is NOT gonna happen! :D
Anon@ 4:23:
How come?
It depends on what timezone you are, Anima!
Hello, btw!
I guess you are satisfied with comfort and distractions. You really are completed by convention.
Anon@ 4:29:
Stop taunting the other anon.
I see what you are doing.
It's like a rat race in here.
How do we know who we're talking to?
Anonymouses everywhere!
Siohban, hello to you too! And yes, the timezone could cause an issue. I forget sometimes that we are scattered all around the world.
Anon, engaging in "distractions of the weaker kind" doesn't sound like a good idea. Make sure your comforts leave you fulfilled, not more empty/shallow than you are feeling at this moment.
Good evening to you as well. Take care of yourself and your friend.
Hi there Mustard. It seems we may have more than two anons here. Siobhan-san, I think this is the second day of AnonFest 2008 lol
Hi there Anima. How are you?
Because it's easier to be happy for someone else.
The different smell of their breath, mustard!
Seriously, BC!
It's craziness in here. There's two Anons? Seems like more.
mib, why do you have to know who you are talking to?
you walk on such shaky ground.
Hey BC! Btw, thank you for saying hello to me last night. I really appreciate it. :)
Anon @ 4:23:
Yes it is, but I think it's because some, or most, of us does not want to make the tiring effort of finding true happiness, whatever that may be.
True happiness is something that you are not going to achieve overnight, and I think alot of people don't want to spend the time and effort in order to find it.
Mustard, definitely. Some of them are not making the effort to putting names either :/
Anima, you're welcome :)
Yeah, AnonFest 2008!
FuckFest always wins ;)
Anon @ 4:38 --
My question was raised because posters were referencing "Anon." I asked how they knew who they were talking to, meaning which Anon.
And yes, just a bad habit. Trust issues.
I'm so glad the clock is ticking right now...
IT'S ALMOST 5:00 P.M.!!!!!
Anon @ 4:23
Did someone ever make YOU feel happiness? Did they make your eyes light up when you looked at them?
anonymous at 4:23pm said...
Because it's easier to be happy for someone else.
Sometimes it is. That, in itself, is not being selfish. Just don't forget to make yourself happy for you.
This blog doesn't help me to fight my trust issues. It increases them
hi to everyone who showed up now, I got sidetracked (again)
and now I´m leaving, should go to bed, I have headache the whole evening.... take care and I´lls ee you tomorrow *hugs*
Anon,
Don't wait for the ghost to come round here, call!
We all say and do things we shouldn't and regret....we're human and humans are shitty sometimes; ALL of us!
You've got me all worried *more worried* about you. Please take Care!
Find us and talk anytime,eh!
Much Love.
Siobhan-san, I own the rights to AnonFest2008 ^_^
All copyrights reserved.
Goodnight and sweet dreams pixie. I hope your headache gets better *hugs*
Siobhan-san, sadly, I feel the same way. When you're in these blogs too long, you begin to lose trust. It's happening.
Bye, my Pxie! ♡
Sleep tight! Schlaf schön!
Siobhan-san, I own the rights to AnonFest2008 ^_^
All copyrights reserved.
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Okay, okay!
Oh, and we all deserve love, happiness and forgiveness but first must find it within ourself!
Hope it keeps ticking.
You have a goog one too, sweetie!
good....jeez.
Have a goog if you want though!
Siobhan-san, lol. You just put a smile on my face *hugs* :D
Hi there DG
Where is everyone?
hehe
Siobhan-san, what's so funny? ;)
I was just happy that I made you smile!
goodmorning everyone!!!
how many anons are in that conversation?
Anon with the issue of being unable to forgive yourself, then learn from it and move on to be better and just as you want to see other's happy you would know others like to see you happy. Give it a go?
BC you don't know Alan Rickman!!!!!
I'm reading INO Rumors and having a laugh.
Mikey Way with a nose ring?
Puh-leeze ;)
*gives you permission to say "I told you so!" if you believe he does ;)*
Aww and I want to thank you my Pancake-zilla. *hugs*
Hi there Ergo. How are you? Sadly, no, I do not know who Alan Rickman is. Maybe I should bow my head in shame this time, lol. *bows head*
Mikey, with a nose ring? Lmao! XD
Hi Ergo! I couldn't believe it either!
Blasphemy!!!
ok just for a little distraction, and esp for Mustard
http://www.stardoll.com
/nl/dolls/732/Ray_Toro.html
Haven't you seen any of those Harry Potter movies yet, BC?
*C&Ps as fast as she can*
Hey guys, what's up? Any more Anons here right now? L told me about the one who said they were Mayo. What do you guys think, yes or no?
J
Re: Stardolls, I find it hysterical that they gave Mikey a mesh tank-top.
This is funny, Ergo! And creepy at the same time. They even have those bulletproof vests. The boots are hysterical.
And we're supposed to dress him?
Raymond Toro would never wear calf-high boots. WTF?
did you get it Mustard?
You have to change it to english on the flag.
I had a bit of an O_O when It opened!
BC- Snape, The sherrif of Nottingham, the Alien in Galaxy Quest.....
Google his image
Hi OP(J)!
Nope, no Mayo!
I had never seen Stardolls!!
Frank has tatts
and yeah You can make Ray look like a Pirate!!
Siobhan-san, actually, no.
Hi there OP J. My answer for that question would be....no. Anyone here can impersonate Mayo. It's been done before. It's too easy.
As for the stardolls thing, I swear that doll almost resembles Ray perfectly O_o
Alan is also the VOICE OF GOD in Dogma.
You forgot 'Die Hard', Ergo.
I got it, Ergo!
But, I'm not entirely sure why we're supposed to dress him.
I mean...why would you do that?
*is totally joking*
Because he wears weird underwear.
yes and in Hitchhikers Guide, but the bit I love of him is singing in Truly Madly Deeply, actually... love that movie!
hah you can make Mikey so "Right Said Fred"
Hello everyone
I've been hearing Alan Rickman in my head all day. I loved that clip from Truly Madly Deeply last night. I think the only voice to surpass AR is someone I met from New Orleans-it was so deep and meaningful.
I also looked up The Wallflowers-they sound really good and I must buy some of their music. Jakob is my new lust puppet.
I hope you all had a lovely day.
Yeah how come Ray is the only one in Jocks?*
and poor Bob misses out AGAIN!
we should petition on his behalf!
*not complaining.
Hey Siobhan, BC! So you vote "no". I think I'm with you on that one, but he's a tricky one sometimes, is our Mayo.
My gut says no, though.
J
Ergo, thank you! I think I will.
I was trying to dress the adorableness that is Ray, but I dressed him in the Black Parade uniform instead.
Do I feel weird saying that O_o
I think Mayo would have the guts to sign in as Mayo, wouldn't he?
Hello Eliza!
Hi Eliza, how are you doing? Good to see you back.
I gotta go look at the Stardoll thingy, I think I'm missing out...
J
OP J, I had a feeling it wasn't him, so my vote says "no."
Besides, it's too easy to confessed that "I am Mayo." Anyone can do it.
OP J, the stardoll thing is actually kinda fun. You should try it! I forgot to ask: How are you?
Hi there Eliza, how are you?
Wait, they don't have a Bob doll?!
hello Eliza
Alan all snuggly in TMD is just gorgeous!
J I think they were a little more "obvious" than Mayo would be if it was someone feeling that way they shopuld get help from somewhere
no poor Bob misses out :(
but I don't know where they got the clothes ideas for Ray. I have never seen him in that stuff, well practically never in anything but black t-shirt and jeans (and why does that scream to me- guy who does his own shopping) and the boots!
Perhaps he dresses up at home haha
(add the crossed braces and boots and you can make "Bondage Ray")
*whispers apology to real Ray*
Yup, Ergo, BC, I'm with you on that too. The comments were too vague, and "he" never answered any questions. Plus, no use of "lovelies" in reference to the posters.
Mayo, honey, if that WAS you today, I apologize. But somehow I don't see you baring your soul in quite this way.
I checked out the Stardoll site. Virtual paperdolls, basically? Ray looked, um, stunning in his Speedos. :)
I think I'd rather have the real Frank to dress and undress, meself. Much more fun...;)
J
No bob doll then? Damn. I wanted to dress him up too. Did I hear someone say that Ray had a jock strap? O_o
Ergo, I agree. Some of those boots I seen looks like something the real Ray wouldn't wear.
Yes, or Neo-Nazi Ray. Those black boots with those white shoe laces, the white shirt, the black pants and the black braces are the typical Neo-Nazi uniform. Not mentioning the green jacket.
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