The click of the door brought comfort to my well worn ears and my heart sick chest. My throat, raw from futile attempts at making myself heard, was bleeding. Alone in the center of the room I am suddenly cold and tired. The heat having been drained from the room at your departure and every ounce of energy I had was expended to keep myself from begging you to stay. You had to go.
Then, relief washes over me in its sickening way. I am suddenly aware of the emptiness of my stomach and my sudden urge to vomit. To dry heave the words I did not say. “I am sorry, don’t go.” Instead, I sit. Right there, I sit right in the middle of the room that heard my pleas for you to leave, my pleading for you to stop believing and start listening to the truth. “Why don’t you hear me?...I have done such terrible things.”
Sitting there, alone with my shame, I realized I had let this drag out far too long.
p.s. make sure it is so loud that they have no choice but to listen.
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«Oldest ‹Older 1401 – 1600 of 1654 Newer› Newest»For SS and the Family
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
from Dream Work by Mary Oliver
published by Atlantic Monthly Press
© Mary Oliver
February 13th, right here!
Awe, thanks anon :)
I have a new profound love for Canadian geese!
poetry-giving anon:
thank you so much!
i cannot begin to tell you how perfectly this poem slots itself into my soul, it's like a missing piece.
i would grip your hand tightly in gratitude if you were standing before me.
-tj
That was lovely ANON
Thank you.
You are all welcome
So we've got a Feb 1 (Star), Feb. 3 (me), Feb. 13 (CTV), and Feb. 16 (MJ). Any others? I have a feeling I'm missing someone :/
You forgot Bert! How could you?!
Bh13 who hasn't been here in a while is on the 13th as well.
Thank you anon
You forgot Bert! How could you?!
But Bert's a Pisces, so he doesn't count ;)
RW, you're forgetting me - I'm on the 2nd!
hi again and bye, we are heading off to the beach for a few hours.
Anon that is a lovely poem, thank you
I'll see you all later or tomorrow
take care!
piscies always count rw,
mya was on the 2nd feb
What an apt poem, anon. And actually quite lovely. Thank you for that.
Hi RW, TJ, MJ, Mya, CTV, and Anon!
RW! Thank you so much for remembering my birthday!
We've got a bunch of Aquarians here!
YAY!
Mya - I knew it! I knew I forgot someone!
Hey, three of those b-days are all in a row! We could have a party all weekend long!
Jules, I had to leave right after you responded to me earlier. Did you get a chance to ask you Dad any more?
piscies always count rw,
Only if they were born in March, FS ;)
Sorry, I'm picking on poor Bert. That's terrible!
hello Star
RW! Thank you so much for remembering my birthday!
:D
It is the dawning of the age of Aquarius...
Yes, RW, let's party all week long!
SC is in Feb as well I dont know when but I think it says Aquarius
on her profile.
It's a little later but Later EP
Mayo,
How are you tonight? I hope that you are well. I also hope that you have spent your day smiling and laughing as much as I have. Today has been a really nice day for me. I have enjoyed it thoroughly.
The Princess and I went to see that new movie "Untraceable". Dude, that was creepy. All about internets and blogs and killing folks...and our obsession with death and control. I won't reveal too much because I don't want to ruin it for anyone. Just makes you realize that there really isn't that much fiction out there anymore. All this shit could very well have happened or be happening at this moment. Scary times we live in. Sometimes I wonder if these movies just put more twisted ideas out there for people....
Mayo, I just wanted to drop you a note to say that I hope you had a nice day. I hope you smiled, laughed, listened, loved, and all the pieces fell right into place.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. I crack myself up.
That is fitting... Aquarians are very analytical
It is the dawning of the age of Aquarius...
Indeed!
SC is in Feb as well I dont know when but I think it says Aquarius
She might be a late January baby. I hope we haven't missed her birthday 0_0
John Edward's Cross Country is on...
What do you guys think of all that?
John Edward's Cross Country is on...
Um... what is it?
What you need I do not have to offer.
Think of me when you find it.
I am always thinking of you.
Anon?
I'm not sure what you mean... Can you explain?
Or is this to someone in particular?
RW, John Edwards is like a medium, who connect with "the other side".
I find it interesting and I believe in the possibilities... Some people think it is a load of crap...
Hey everyone!
Anon, uh...what DO you have, then?
J
RW, John Edwards is like a medium, who connect with "the other side".
Oh wait, I think I've heard of him.
Have you heard of Derek Acorah? A friend of mine and I went to see him when he came to Toronto a few years ago.
Hello OP J :)
Anon... if you are speaking to this "gaggle"... We are not looking/expecting anything from you.
We just want to share with you.
RW, we LOVE Derek Acorah! We watch "Most Haunted" just to see him.
We watched the live Halloween show a couple years ago, and when they were in the cellar of wherever they were, and calling to the spirit, something whacked against our front door. L and I both jumped and screamed at the same time! It was scary, but funny too.
J
Never heard of Derek... But, then again, I don't really follow all this stuff. John Edwards is on TV and I just find it very interesting. A friend of mine is able to "feel" things that I have witnessed first hand, so I believe in the possibilities of all that.
Oh! Is that who Derek is? yeah, I've watched "Most Haunted" a few times too!
RW, we LOVE Derek Acorah! We watch "Most Haunted" just to see him.
I love Most Haunted!!
Yeah, Mya, I believe in the supernatural/paranormal side of life as well. L has seen ghosts, and we've both gotten creepy feelings from certain places or people. It's weird, but I can't listen to the song "The Black Parade" off the CD. It gives me the willies. G has said that when they were at the Paramore writing the album, he'd woken up one day to find "We are all the Black Parade" written on his notebook. Even though it was in his own handwriting, he doesn't remember writing it.
But I didn't know that until almost six months after I'd heard the CD. Odd, hmm?
J
Where'd everybody go? Do I need to get John Edwards to help me find you?
Hello everyone.
Mya from what I understand most people just think John Edwards is full of crap. I believe in that stuff but I think Edwards is an ass.
No, shit?!
willies....
I tell ya, I don't know if I could've stayed in the Paramore!
...Maybe we're in an episode of "Most Haunted" right now...
YAAA! What's that?
Oh never mind, it's just Mayo. Dude, you looked like a vampire for sure right then. Don't sneak up on us like that, ok?
J
Hi, Martha!
Really? I enjoy watching it and seeing the possibilities.
G has said that when they were at the Paramore writing the album, he'd woken up one day to find "We are all the Black Parade" written on his notebook. Even though it was in his own handwriting, he doesn't remember writing it.
But I didn't know that until almost six months after I'd heard the CD. Odd, hmm?
I didn't know that at all until now 0_0
I tell ya, I don't know if I could've stayed in the Paramore!
I would love to see the Most Haunted crew do an all-night vigil there.
Yeah, RW! That would be cool!
RW, it's either in the special edition of the CD, the one that has comments from G, Frank, Ray, and Mikey, or it's from another interview, but I do remember reading it.
We've often wondered if the guys unknowingly brought something back with them from the Paramore, you know? Something evil that's hung onto them since then. They've had so many horrible things happen to them since that time, it's a possibility, you know?
Hey Martha, how are you?
J
I would love to stay in the Paramore.
Sorry if I keep popping in and out.
I think, what I like about John Edwards, is that he uses his "gift" or whatever it is, as a positive - to encourage - not as some negative, eerie thing.
We've often wondered if the guys unknowingly brought something back with them from the Paramore, you know?
I think they probably left something there. I get the feeling that if the Most Haunted team were to do an investigation at the Paramore, they'd find all sorts of residual energy left behind by G, for sure.
resurrected wreck said...
I tell ya, I don't know if I could've stayed in the Paramore!
I would love to see the Most Haunted crew do an all-night vigil there.
L went to their website and requested that they do a show from there, but they never responded. Wouldn't that be awesome? Put Derek in that atmosphere, there's no telling WHAT he'd come up with.
L also wrote a post at Halloween that was on our blog; did any of you guys read it? It was about her trip to London and seeing the Tower. She felt so many otherworldly things there, so much negative emotion and feelings in the air, it actually made her nauseous. She walked through numerous cold spots, and could smell gardenias when there weren't any around.
J
I agree with you Mya. John Edwards does use his gift in a positive way. There are many who do not.
Well, 'Leaner, I might stay there if you were staying there with me!
Anonymous said...
What you need I do not have to offer.
Think of me when you find it.
You mean you don't have my money, ho? WTF?
Anyone who is interested, as soon as I check my links and junk details like that, I'm putting up chapter three, okay? ^_^
L went to their website and requested that they do a show from there, but they never responded. Wouldn't that be awesome? Put Derek in that atmosphere, there's no telling WHAT he'd come up with.
Shame he's not with them anymore, though I do like David Wells too.
L also wrote a post at Halloween that was on our blog; did any of you guys read it? It was about her trip to London and seeing the Tower.
I missed that. I shall have to make a trip back to your blog to look for it!
I've been to London twice, and missed the Tower both times. Next time I'm back there, however, I'll check it out.
anonymous said...
"What you need I do not have to offer.
Think of me when you find it.
I am always thinking of you."
I will think of you, when I find what I'm looking for. That is, once I figure out what it is I'm looking for.
Not only residual energy, RW, but a shitload of fear too!
There was a story that either G or Mikey had told, about the two of them having been in the kitchen one morning making coffee. There was a door that led to the basement in there, that never would stay closed. While they were in there, the door suddenly slammed shut, ON ITS OWN. G and M looked at each other, then ran screaming from the kitchen "like little girls".
:O
Elena, we will stand on the sidewalk outside and wave goodbye to you as you walk in the door, ok? Good luck! Scream if you need help!
J
Anyone who is interested, as soon as I check my links and junk details like that, I'm putting up chapter three, okay? ^_^
COOL!!
I'll have to save reading it til tomorrow though as I'm heading to bed shortly. I'm falling asleep at the kepboard.
Actually, 'Leaner, I see both of us as being the type of people who would bristle up and say, "Who the fuck are you and what the fuck do you want?"
RW, we;ve archived most of our blog, but L said she'll find it and email it to you, ok?
J
Only if we're together... If I was by myself, I'd be like...
goodbye!
Hello J
Alright On the whole John Edwards thing I don't believe he has any gifts. What he does is say some thing like I get the feeling like someone with a name beginning with a J wants to speak to some one. And It is a show on TV so they edit out all his miss.
I have met people that I believe to have a 6th sense and they tell me straight out things they shouldn't know.
It's Britney, betch.
*thumping bass sounds*
.....
There was a story that either G or Mikey had told, about the two of them having been in the kitchen one morning making coffee. There was a door that led to the basement in there, that never would stay closed. While they were in there, the door suddenly slammed shut, ON ITS OWN. G and M looked at each other, then ran screaming from the kitchen "like little girls".
I remember reading that bit. Interestingly, while I was at school in Halifax (the building I had my courses in was build in 1760) I saw a big glass door open and close on its own. And those of us who would leave the classrooms by the backdoor would usually hear footsteps behind us. It sounded like it might be an echo at first, until you listed closely and realized that the footsteps were totally out of synch with our own.
We had a fair number of ghostly experiences in that building, from inanimate objects moving to unexplained sounds to things seen out of the corners of our eyes. But not once did anyone run away, screaming or otherwise (and I often worked late, or all night, there on my own). Which makes the Way boys' running away "like little girls" description crumble under close scrutiny. None of the girls in my school ran away. So, really, "running away like a couple of frightened grown men" would have been more accurate, wouldn't you say? ;)
Hullo Loli!! :D
Mya, L just said she could see you confronting a ghost and saying, "Yeah, WHO'S got a corporeal body here? C'mon, Spooky, bring it!"
What a visual! I can see that, too.
RAWR!
J
RW, we;ve archived most of our blog, but L said she'll find it and email it to you, ok?
Thank you very much :)
Hi RW!
Hello Lh, Mya and elena I think.
OP's, yeah, I'd proabaly be like, "Hey! Dead Guy! Don't be hatin' just cause I'm livin'!"
Where have ya been, LH? We hardly see you at all around these parts these days.
RW, yeah, I gotta give you that one! :D
Hey Loli, we've missed you! Where and how have you been?
J
I think we had a ghost in the house I grew up in. It was a new house, but I remember, as kids, we used to find Indian arrowheads in the yard all the time. Anyway, everybody in the family "heard" this ghost, except me.
I love it, Mya! "Don't be hatin' just cause I'm livin'!" Sounds like a slogan for something, doesn't it? Like "Don't hate me because I'm beautiful," that kind of thing.
Martha, I've seen John Edwards on TV. I've seen him go through like six letters of the alphabet trying to guess the loved one's name. "Does it begin with a P? No? How about an R? Ok, then, what about an E?..." and so on.
Maybe he has SOME kind of powers, but name perception is obviously not one of them.
J
Hey J, mya, MJ and whomever else.
I guess I mightily ran out of things to say. Might have to do with the mass of literature that's DRIVING MY PEA BRAIN BATTY!!!!!
Eeee! :)
This ghost always spoke to everybody while they were asleep. She actually woke them up, she was very persistant...
I am such a dead-to-the-world sleeper that I suppose she gave up trying to talk to me...
ANyway... I am the type of person who investigates... I don't run away... I might be scared as shit, but I'm gonna investigate and try to find a logical reason for whatever has happened.
I think he doesn't have any powers at all.
Jennicula said...
I will think of you, when I find what I'm looking for. That is, once I figure out what it is I'm looking for.
Maybe you're looking for THE DINNER.
Are you so hungry you could DIE? Take the DINNER to protect you!
Loli, it's good to see you!
"Name perception is obviously not one of them"...
That was funny as hell!
As was "massive amounts of literature"
I'm reading Death of a Salesman.
And King Lear.
And the Stone Angel.
And The Great Gatsby.
Well, there ya go, MJ. He's like Miss Cleo, just a few steps short of the 900 numbers!
Loli, poor baby. You're in good company for "crazy", though. Glad to see you back; we were getting worried about you. *hugs*
J
ANyway... I am the type of person who investigates... I don't run away... I might be scared as shit, but I'm gonna investigate and try to find a logical reason for whatever has happened.
Same. I was out camping with a roommate and her boyfriend several years ago. We were sitting in front of the campfire when we heard loud unexplained noises coming from the woods. My friend's boyfriend is particularly timid, so after the third or so time we heard the noise he ran into the camper. I took a flashlight and went investigating. Turns out, the neighbouring campsite had a bug zapper set up, and that's what was making the noise. I told my friend, and she laughed like mad. I'm sure she tormented her boyfriend with that for ages afterwards.
Oh good lord, Loli! That's a lot to take on at once!
Chapter Three kind of sucks! But the pictures are all right. Not the one I did, but the others.
I'm sorry it took me forever to do it; I wasn't home much this week. ^_^
Well, I'm not too pleased with this part, but I hope someone can walk away with a giggle or a smile, at least. ^_^
As was "massive amounts of literature"
Reminds me of Death By Bronte.
^A friend of mine was going to name her band that.
Thanks, J.
Hey K!
I HAVE to tell you guys what my nickname was when I was a kid...
I grew up with 2 older brothers and a bunch of boys in the neighborhood. I was a tomboy. I could out-run, out-climb, out-do any of the boys. (I just couldn't pee in the shrubs)
Anyway... My brothers got a tent for Christmas one year. They invited the neighborhood boys and they were all going to camp out in the backyard. Being a GIRL, I was not invited to stay, but I DID visit them in the tent...
They started telling ghost stories, and one thing led to another... Off in the distance, we heard a dog, or something, howl... The boys got scared shitless and all ran in the house! I was yelling, "Aw, c'mon, guys!" and stayed in the tent!
I was probably all of 7...
My nickname, that the boys gave me after that... (OK, here's my real name)
"Mighty Lisa"
Kapunua, yes, I'm looking for DINNER!
Damn, Lolita! You're reading all of those?! Good going, Gal!
Oh, for a sec, getting back to the DeFeo case and my Da, I didn't get to talk to him yet. But I did find a crappy web page that has all kinds of misinformation on the case, on DeFeo, on my Dad and the entire department. I sent it to him. It's hard to believe that there's still so much nonsense about this case out there. It's just something I remember from my childhood, the names mostly. And having to play in the garage instead of outside because of the threats against my Dad and his family.
It's been a closed case for so many years and I'm still not sure what I can and can't say. O_o And finding that my Dad (and thus my family name) is so easily googlable makes me squirmy TBH.
:(
I've got 4 1500 word essays to finish, too.
This is the last thing a particularly nasty anon sees"
That almost scared me!
LH, I figured it was something academic you were having to do...
Kapunua, that IS spooky! Did you realize what was actually going on when you were so young? Or, did you just do as you were told?
RW? What?!
Jennicula said...
Kapunua, yes, I'm looking for DINNER!
Well if you're not back in a month, I'll send GANNON.
And while we're on videos that make me LOL really hard, has anyone ever seen sexual harassment in the workplace?
"It smells like fresh vagina in here!"
"Are you talking about my vagina?!"
This video goes around where I work every few months, prompting weeks of quotes just like the one above. (Because where I work, sexual harassment is not only accepted, it's encouraged. ^__^ )
Question for y'all:
Do any of you know much about reflexology?
I was probably around two when the whole thing went down (if memory serves,) so I just remember names, random stories and that my folks were upset. It's so odd that there are still stories about it and that it's become like a cult legend.
resurrected wreck said...
Question for y'all:
Do any of you know much about reflexology?
Not too much, but you can read up on it in Haunted by Chuck Palahniuk. ;D
"Don't laugh,but there are back-alley ways you can turn anything New Age into a killing tool." ^_____^
Doesn't the ball of the foot stimulate the pubic area in reflexology?
I read a book on it when I was like 7. I don't know why.
I just took a peek in at Martha's and I think I want to look at that some more...
G'night, Guys!
"Don't laugh,but there are back-alley ways you can turn anything New Age into a killing tool." ^_____^
0_0
Night, Mya :)
Guys? And thank you so much for all the comments on my story. I'm glad you guys like it. ^____^
Doesn't the ball of the foot stimulate the pubic area in reflexology?
^ ^
0_0
Perhaps I should elaborate more on my question: I am going to book myself in for some kind of foot treatment at a vegan spa as a birthday treat for myself. As I walk 10 miles a day I think the foot massaging part of reflexology might be of better benefit to me that the callous-scraping, toe nail polishing of a pedi. That being said though, it would be nice to have pretty toenails. So I am, as yet, undecided.
Any recommendations?
Wow, RW, that sounds cool. I am so clueless as to that stuff, though.
Hi Girls and Guys!
I'm heading to bed now, way too tired to stay up.
By the way, my childhood nickname was Lulu, thanks to mom, and Dad used to call me Stringy Nicky because I was so small.
My middle name is Nichole.
-A
Wow, RW, that sounds cool. I am so clueless as to that stuff, though.
I kinda am too, which is why I'm having the dilemma. I think I'll probably end up going for the pedicure though. I haven't had one in 4 years, and my feet could sure use some scrapin'.
Okay guys, well, it's been a long time since I've asked people to play, or thrown out a group question. So I'm throwing out a group question now.
In Mayo's last post, he is beating himself up over having done "terrible things." Obviously we are all flawed. So in the spirit of Mayo's blog entry, why not discuss ourown flaws and the terrible things we do?
Those are the questions on the table. What are your biggest flaws? What terrible things have you done / do you still do?
I'm gonna answer, but mine are long ones. Then afterwards I'm going to bed. ^_^
By the way, my childhood nickname was Lulu, thanks to mom, and Dad used to call me Stringy Nicky because I was so small.
My dad used to call me Karie-Lou. I try to discourage that kind of thing 0_0
'Night, Amyranth!
Those are the questions on the table. What are your biggest flaws? What terrible things have you done / do you still do?
Hmm. Well, I have a tendency out in the real world to jump down people's throats for minor things. Probably comes from years of feeling taken advantage of but doing nothing about it. I am, however, trying to balance that out. Nobody should have to have their day ruined over small stuff.
Sorry, kids, I got distracted by something for a while. It wasn't very interesting, though, so I came back.
Night Mya, and MJ, maybe?
J
Well, it's time for me to hit the sack. Have a great evening, all :)
Goodnight, RW, I think I'll follow your example. Have a good one!
love, hope, faith, peace, understanding
J
Mayo,
Goodnight to you, too, Big Daddy Gander! *honk*
love you, dude!
J
SS:
Who HONKS ya, baby? ;)
all my love,
J
RW, I say you do both! The pedi and the reflexology. Both make feet very happy. :)
Goodnight Op J&l
Hello everyone! How are we all tonight?
OPs: I would love to help ya'll out with that room thing more; but here's all I can remember:
Mayo master suite #1
Elena #3
Martha (I think) #5
Dibs called by ?? #7
Sdock #10
Dibs called by ?? #13
Princess(S7V) #20
OP J #26
SisMidnite #27
OP L #30
Anon616/Wendy(me) #61(6)
BC/Pantera #66(6)
OFF LIMITS (YIKES) #32
Reserved for LIVE ENTERTAINMENT
-- Room # 69
Reserved for anonymous guest #70-80
Yoda, PPU, Shaunette, Party Sheep
(and wasn’t there a ferret or a badger too)
And a DUCK!
-- The BARN (heated and air conditioned, of course)
Sparkle -- The Pool house
very long list of mansion residents and renters on the way
;-)
Do we get to anons with our terrible things Jules?
Sorry that's 'to be' anons!
Yes, being anonymous to discuss these things is perfectly acceptable.
But I'm going in as myself. ^_^
Hello 6 I'm actually in the guest house now.
you know cause underneath is the anon torture chamber.
Reserved for all those nasty fucking anons.
right lets try that again.
hello everyone,
how are you all.
616 i think i will claim the cellar. is that ok
Bikey, you can definitely be an anon in disclosing your terrible things.
Me - I'm trying to remember the terrible things I've done. I've cheated on boyfriends before. Something I was totally against, but somehow it just happened. I'm not proud.
Right, so my biggest failures, my worst flaws, and the terrible things that I do. Here we go.
Okay, probably my biggest flaw is my impatience. I don't mean that in terms of being impatient while waiting for something, because when it comes to waiting, I can have extreme patience. I mean it more in terms of being impatient with people. I think I mentioned once before: I think fast, I talk fast, I write fast, and I work fast. If someone can't keep up with me--even if it is not their fault--I get really exasperated.
For instance, I work with this guy. Okay, cutting myself a little bit of slack here: if he was not such a pain in the ass; if he didn't fart when he bent over; if his sweaty, spotty, hairy asscrack wasn't at least five inches displayed every day; if he hadn't taken a few shots at two of my friends (when he was in no position at all to do so,) I might--might--put up with him better. But he moves about as quickly as a rug. It causes me to do three times the work I am supposed to do. Where does my flaw figure into this? Well, because of these things, I can't stand him, and it shows, like big time. He excuses himself as having Asperger's so I should probably cut him some slack. But I can't, and he is aware of it. I know he's intimidated by me, too. I get on his case big time when he starts to fall behind, which is like every half hour. "Are you done yet? Have you finished what I asked you to do? This shouldn't take you more than an hour; when I do it it takes me twenty minutes."
He stutters very badly when he answers me.
It's a hospital. Things need to get done. Amd because of that, and because of him, I'm going home exhausted every night because it's like working alone. I let him know that as often as possible. I don't feel guilty. I know that's terrible, but I don't. I want him to be aware that I'm frustrated, hoping that it, if nothing else, will motivate him to move his ass, at least to a realistic speed.
Speed? Yeah, I do that, too. (Driving. Not the drug.) No, I mean, I know that most of us speed, but I do it constantly and wih impunity. Because I carry a copy of my Dad's badge, even when I do get pulled over, they let me go. (*knock on wood* I take full advantage of that. I know it's wrong.) A few months ago I got pulled over doing 87. Not only do I speed, but if someone is going below the speed limit, I will harass them until they move it the hell along. Slow drivers send me completely irrational. I flick my headlights at them, and I pass them as soon as the line breaks. This is awful, but sometimes I don't even care if they're lost and looking for their turn. I just feel like, "MOVE OUT OF MY WAY."
I take out a lot of my anger on the road. A guy tried to pass me on the right in a right turn lane one time. He cut by really close and I heard a loud scrape. I thought he hit my car, (I later found out that he had actually run his own car into the guard rail,) and I literally started seeing through a red haze. Even though I was on my way to work, I chased him down various roads until I finally caught up with him. Breifly he pretended that he was going to get out of his car. When I started to get out of mine, he got back into his and fled. I should cultivate more fear. I should learn how to calm down when people piss me off.
But sometimes it feels good.
Stupid people bother me more than they should and I let them know. Even if a friend of mine is being an idiot, I tell them. Driving drunk, making bad choices, smoking in front of their kids--I can't let these things go. I point it out to them. I had this one friend, we were very close friends through high school and through college, even for a few years after college. But we were also enemies. She could come up with these crazy, idiotic stories and theories and she would call them "facts." She would conveniently "forget" things, things that I had said only moments ago, and blame it on Alzheimer's. (We were in our early twenties.) She would repeat things that I had just said and then claim that she had said them.
Did I walk away? Did I try to help her? Did I just cut her out of my life? No, because in some weird way, I enjoyed fighting with her. I enjoyed cutting her down and letting her know when she was wrong. She brought out my dark side, which is very intellectually sadistic, and I allowed it because--kind of like speeding--it felt good.
I don't do that kind of thing anymore and I'm glad that what is left of our "friendship" is distant, but damned if I don't still hold onto that old resentment. ANd sometimes I get the urge to email her about arguments we had, like, ten years ago, just to let her know that I'm still right.
I don't value intellect and imagination over compassion, but I do value them over sentiment. Sentiment--glurge--bothers me more than it should. The glurgier someone gets with me (like with those godawful emails about god saving babies, poems about the wonders of friendship, flag-waving tributes to soldiers, and those false "send an email and Bill Gates will give money to some kid with cancer" scams,) the snarkier I get back to them. Even if I like the person who sends those things, or says them to me, I have to reply with the direct opposite of sentiment. I know that's cruel, because a lot of people believe those glurgey things, but I justify it by telling myself that at least they are finding out the truth. One of my good friends is always sending me this right-wing crap in my inbox. Everytime she does, I shout her down.
Oh, here's one: I hate talking on the telephone so much that I will let the answering machine get it, even if caller ID tells me it's one of my friends. Then later on I'll just email them and ask what's up. Most people know better than to call me unless it's an emergency or they really need me. I like to write, or talk in person (but only with people I know.) If someone needs me, I will be there. But I'd prefer it to be in person.
I utterly lack ambition. I don't want titles or fame. More money would be nice but I'm unwilling to work more in order to get it. I want to get my books published and I want to teach dance; those are my two big dreams. But on most days I am bothered enough to go to my job at the hospital. I have a feeling I could actually accomplish both of these things, but that's scary so usually I don't bother. I hate that about myself.
But mostly? I hate the way I look so much that it prevents me from going out with my friends sometimes. If someone--like a guy especially--claims that they like me or are attracted to me, I respond with suspicion (which is often warranted though.) I realize that this is sometimes irrational (but sometimes it is rational,) but it still bothers me.
Wow, that's quite a list. I'm an awful person. ;D
Okay ladies and gentlemen, Please fill in your room numbers and slide a copy of the official list under the doors of Room numbers 26 and 30 (The OPs)!!!
In no particular order:
Anima
MagicPie
TJ
RW
Pixie
Siobhan
Mya
Ergo
Miss T
DG
Villanelle
Bella
Cupcake
Kass
Possum
Jade
Gnothi
Paperheartxx
Amy
Fimble
Carrie
PJ
SoulConnector
Lewis
FASC
SIM
Star
CTV
LH (loli)
MIB
ElizaB
KatherineD
Entropy
Jenn
Kapu
Redrum
Bikey
1000 sorries if I forgot anyone!!!
perhaps still lurking and Not forgotten:
AIP
The Masked Anon
Blackheart13
FreddyCharles
Silence
AlreadyGone
Trignifty
Ooops, sorry! I had to delete the list because I noticed I did forget someone *blushes*
Hi Martha!
Got it. You're in the pool house with Sparkle now! You will be returning to your room, right?
:)
Me and SisM definitely occupy room #69.
Fimble Star said...
right lets try that again.
hello everyone,
how are you all.
616 i think i will claim the cellar. is that ok
==============
It's okay with me, Fimble! Just don't drink all the wine!!!! ;-)
You might want to check with Mayo though.
Ohhhh, I would recommend staying out of THE DUNGEON. I use that room often and I may have left a mess last time ;-)
That actually felt really good.
And with that, I'm going to the greenhouse.* Goodnight, BlogBelieve!
*Bed
Take a walk, guys. >_<
anima said...
Me and SisM definitely occupy room #69.
==========
Uh-oh! I hope ya'll manage to get some sleep with the live entertainment there.
Hmmm....maybe we should move live entertainment to room 60
:D
Kapunua,
I hate the way I look so much that it prevents me from going out with my friends sometimes. If someone--like a guy especially--claims that they like me or are attracted to me, I respond with suspicion
In my younger days, I was considered "a looker" and I felt that same suspicion... Did they like me only for my looks?
So, see, it's a double-edge sword...
I really wish you felt better about your looks. You are much more attractive than you give yourself credit!
ok lets see my flaws are (and i dont know about this so bare with me please)
i am to shy, when i meet people i am to shy and i nver know what to say. i think its because i think i am not good enough to talk to, or i dont have anything worth while and important to say. i am a shadow behind my family and i tend to let them take the lead because i have low self esteem. the shynees tends to go away once i get to know people and then i turn to laughter. i laugh to try and make people not realise that i am quite boring and bland. i think if i could change mself i would be someone else who is interesting and not shy.
my other flaw is that i never show anyone my true self incase they see hat i wrote above. i am my self on here because i feel that i can be but in real life and i basically trying to fit into the 'norm' which i still do not know what it is.
my flaws are crap but they are all i could think of. sorry
Goodnight Kapunua. *HUG*
And because I tend to blurt things out without thinking - my cheating was kind of justified. And I only did it to two of my ex-boyfriends. Either way, it still was not cool.
-Anima doesn't want you to think that she is total shithead.
Damn! There's my Pimp!
Wendy! Where've you been girl?!
I take room 342.
Fimble, I would've NEVER thought of you in that way! You seem very assertive to me!
Hi Anon616,
Mustard #4
Jennicula#5
Fimble, you are anything but boring. You have a wonderful wit and a great perspective. Your laughter is a gift.
Thank you Mya. I guess I'll always feel that way though.
And that brings me to maybe my BIGGEST flaw, how could I forget this one?
I have a tendency to blame many of my failures on how I look. i have a really mean streak in me that likes to think that "beautiful people" have it way too easy, that if I had been born better looking, any bad circumstance in my life would have been either lessened or non-existent. I know that's bullcrap, too, because really gorgeous people have problems as well, some of them have really bad problems. Yet part of me resents that as well. Like, "how could they have problems when they are so blessed?" And, "Hey, at least they have their looks, so no matter how bad it gets, people will still run to help them."
Fact I often bring up: Gerard's "Girls you are beautiful" speech is what got me into MCR in the first place.
Secret: I resented him for it, too, and thought, "Well try being unfixably ugly and then yammer about how everyone's soooo beautiful on the inside."
(Of course, I sorely miss Nice Gerard, and wish I'd never thought that back then.)
So, yeah. Really going to bed now.
Everybody's got their own room? Hmm... Maybe mine is the widow's walk.
Anima, of course I don't think less of you. I know people who have been in that situation. You realize it, you're not proud of it, and you can move on, you know? It's not like you're sitting there gloating over it, and that's an important factor.
Mya said...
Damn! There's my Pimp!
Wendy! Where've you been girl?!
=======
Hi Mya!! Well, my day went like this:
Yard work
Niece came home from DC
Too tired to go parading tonight
Drank homemade apple wine at a friend's house
Stumbled home
Now feels sick!
LOL, a good day it was! How was your day? And, everyone else's?
Thanks for refreshing my memory on the room numbers ladies and Keep them coming :)
Love & Hugs to all!
~Namaste~
6/Wendy
my sister told me that the first time I met Gerard I sounded like a "horny Japanese woman" when I said 'thank you'.
Kapunua, surely, you don't think of yourself as "unfixably ugly"??!! I've seen your pictures. You are very attractive!
OK, I don't mean to put any kind of guilt trip on anybody, but... My neice was born missing her right hand...
Shit...
What am I trying to say here?
NOT that my neice is "ugly", because she is actually beautiful (and can be seen as one of my friends on my MySpace)...
hmmm....
OK! I've got it! And this is FACT! The most alluring things, sexiest things, to a man about a woman - her intelligence, self-confidence, and her sense of humor. YOU HAVE EVERY ONE OF THOSE, KAPUNUA!
Wendy, would now be a good time? Would it be too late?
i am off to bed now guys. nighty ngiht
mayo
cheers for this plce. i mean it
ss
thanky you for what you did today. just thank you.
i hope that you have a look at the present you left for us all. we HONKED on there and i hope you see all the kind and caring words. you know how we feel.
guys, i am off to bed but i hope each and everyone has sweet dreams.
xx
Fimble said the cutest thing - "thanky you".
I like that!
G'night, Fimble!
My flaws are too many to list.
The most terrible thing I did though was to sleep with the partner of a family member. I couldn't help it. I was in love. Shame the other person wasn't.
OK! I've got it! And this is FACT! The most alluring things, sexiest things, to a man about a woman - her intelligence, self-confidence, and her sense of humor. YOU HAVE EVERY ONE OF THOSE, KAPUNUA!
Got it in one!
Goodnight ladies!
Jennicula said...
Hi Anon616,
Mustard #4
Jennicula#5
========
Loli - #342
Thanks Jenn! I thought Martha had 5 for some reason. List has been edited.
Mya: how about room 63(6) -- right across the hall from me! Rooms on the 6th floor are sound proof ;-)
I really do need to lie down awhile. That's the last time I'm drinking that guy's HOMEMADE wine!!!!
=========
Right, so my biggest failures, my worst flaws, and the terrible things that I do.
==========
Terrible things I do: What happens in THE DUNGEON stays in THE DUNGEON (I hope)
;-)
Have a great night everyone!
See there? Bikey even agrees!
A sound-proof room sounds perfect for me! It will keep the other residents from feeling uneasy about the screaming.
I am seriously flawed too.
I love a married man. But I am not deluded. I can never, ever, have him.
Anon, since you are aware of this, what are you doing to help yourself?
The movie, "Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil" is on TV.
Let me just say this...
As a true Southerner...
NO ONE really talks like that!
Why the hell does Hollywood think we talk like that?
And dayam... We are so racist...
Obama won SC, didn't he?
Bite me
*grade school, not gradschool
Well, I better get to bed now.
Love and peace to all of you.
But, I do so love my sweet tea!
Night!
That thick southern accent reminds of my favorite joke...
Punch line: "Well, I called him Precious as soon as I caught my breath!"
Lucy, I'm home!!!
Oh, Shit! I just remembered! I've got to learn 2 songs by tomorrow afternoon! Got to get to work!
Oh, by the way, one of them is Etta James, "Tell Mama".
Fitting, eh? Mama Mya? Get it? No? Oh, well, Oh, well...
See YA'LL!
Goodnight Mya. If anyone is still lurking, it is 1:02 A.M. and I just got home fifteen minutes ago hehe
I everyone
well a friend of mine lost her brother early this morning , he decided , drunk to walk home on a main road and was run down by a truck. He was in his mid 30's and should have known better, his kids have no dad.
God I hate alcohol fuelled stupidity!!!!
Just another reason to appreciate people cause you never know when they'll be gone.
My worst flaws?
I'm really shy, I procrastinate horribly, I feel criticism deeply when I shouldn't. I don't speak up when I should sometimes and I tend to live very much inside my head.
and I'll have room 54, it opens onto the conservatory.
Hi there Ergo. I'm sorry to hear what happened to your friend's brother. You have my condolences.
Thanks BC it's such a waste. He always drank really heavily and then they make stupid decisions.
He was nice but he wasn't really a friend of ours.
I taught him at school.
It's so stupid and dangerous and now he's gone.
I feel really bad for his family and the vehicle involved, may have been a car and a truck
Just really stupid and sensless
Mayo
Hey, I thought about you today when a large book of castles came in my store. I swear I was flipping through looking for Castle Mayo!
Hope things are good for you and you’re truly happy. Well, as happy as anyone can really be. That didn’t sound very positive did it? Okay, forget the ‘happy as anyone can be line’
There that sounds better. Take care Lord of the Blog.
SS
Man, I just wanna hug the stuffin’ out of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you for putting DOMINIC back. (I was pretty sure you would) How could someone who’s inspired me so much not understand its importance?
Oh and I wrote on my blog why geese are important to me. Fly by if you get a chance. Take care, my friend.
Love
Elena
SS
love the stuff on your page.
it is "all about the geese"
and with you honking at the rear how could we fly wrong?
No problem Ergo. Sometimes it can be really disappointing when others are not aware of what alcohol might do to someone. It's really a shame
The geese thing is totally great, but the geese that flies around my area, I can't stand their loud honking, especially in the morning when I'm sleeping. I'll be like "shut up geese, I'm trying to sleep." Lol
I had friends with geese and they shit everywhere, geese and ducks are awful for it lol
and we have a few types but commonly magpie geese, they are black and white and really pretty
Geese and ducks do tend to shit a lot indeed Ergo. Lol.
saturday night.
*floats down to the portrait over the mantel*
mayo,
i was working on a little research project today, something that occurred to me and caught at my fancy. it required reading back over the old posts and old comments, and it was so interesting to watch all our relationships build and tighten and solidify. it gave me a stronger sense of our history here, even though it is only five months in length. blogbelieve time has it's own scale.
it was a good way to spend a pacific northwest winter day, researching, drinking coffee, listening to favorite music, and watching snow turn to rain turn to snow turn to rain. it left me feeling nostalgic, and sad, and happy, and grateful.
and when i turned my thoughts to what i needed to say to you tonight, rising out of this even-tempered day came the desire to give you something. why? i don't know why. and it's not like i can give you anything spectacular, i'm not even corporeal. but maybe i can share across the screen that separates us some of the gentle mood of my day, carried in my gift like a charm.
*shrugs and smiles*
so, let's see...what can an ectoplasmic lady share with the lord of the blog?
oh! i know!
i don't write much poetry anymore, and what poetry i do write is actually more prayer than poem, but here's one of them for you.
*settles self on the mantel, closes eyes, and recites*
silver crescent smile in the night,
green dancer among the trees,
be within me the harpstring that sings to the colors of the earth and sky,
be the hawk i soar with in a smooth spiralling glide,
be within me the balanced heart partaking freely of solemnity and cheer,
be the oak i lean against to stand steady in any storm.
by your example, let laughter spill from me,
by your example, let compassion reside within me,
for you are the ground of my being and the song of my soul,
and gladly do i claim:
sweet lady, smiling lord,
i am yours.
*opens eyes, and looks at where feet would be if feet could be materialized*
well, so. there you go. i hope you like it?
best go now. wishing you well, mayo.
good night.
*smiles at portrait, and rises, and fades*
my goodness TJ that is beautiful. there is such talent inside you and you are letting it out for all of us to enjoy
thank you ♥
so Mayo
I hope your day was enjoyable, that you smiled and laughed, did something you love, perhaps made a difference to someone.
I had a good day, nothing special, woke up and enjoyed my husbands company with our daughter having a sleep over.Reconnecting.
Reminiscing our fishing trip, my first catching of a barramundi (it meant a lot to me) and a lazy sunday breakfast.Then all together a trip to the beach, a lovely dinner.
but again I was reminded of how fragile life is,
My cat, (we have 2 but my old girl is special) didn't come in last night and I awoke at 4:30am and looked for her. After that I lay awake worried she was gone, thinking that it was silly for me to worry when things so much worse could happen. Little did I know at the same time, not 6 miles away, a family had lost a son, brother, husband and father.
But unlike them I woke later to find her curled atop a washing basket of clothes.
They are grieving.
It is so important to love our family and friends like we may not have another chance.
So today Mayo, please tell someone you love them, show them you care and that you are so happy they are part of your life.
And accept that others are so happy you are part of theirs. Those you do know and those of us, scattered across the world who have been brought here together and who have forged bonds and friendships and a connection to you, and SS, which none of us could ever have expected.
You have done a wonderful thing. I bet you never could have imagined.
If ever we meet, I would thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don't know who you are, but I have found so many fantastic people and so much soul filling pleasure here, I hope you have in some way found the same.
Wishing love, hope, health and contentment, to you and yours
Much love
EP xx
morning all!! i can't stop i'm afraid i just wanted to pop in and say a big HELLO!! and i'll catch you all around later.
hope everyone has wonderful sundays!!
hello to you mayo and SS also!!!
Mayo,
I wanted to give you something to ponder, as I have, all night.
The whole notion of good or bad is woefully over simplified. People aren't all bad, anymore than they are all good. Situations similarly are rarely as straightforward as we think. Developments that cause us problems may, ultimately, be of great benefit. Some things in life are so important, that they forever leave a void, without it as an option. Can you say you fought with every fiber in your being, before releasing it? Then letting go is a natural progression.
Sometimes people make trouble for themselves to keep life interesting. They stir up tension and deliberately walk towards conflict. Why? For much the same reason we go to watch a horror movie. We cannot describe it as a pleasant way to while away the time. But it reminds us that we are still alive. Plus, when we come out , we realize that however our reality is, it could be worse.
And why is it that each time you think you've left the past behind, it creeps up and taps you on the shoulder. You keep doing deals with yesterday in the hope that it will free you tomorrow. But negotiations break down, and suddenly you're back in the situation you are keen to escape. Do you give up?
Good morning Mayo.
How are you today? I'm not too bad considering I was rudely awoken this morning. My new room is downstairs so when someone gets up to make breakfast, I'm always the first to know. My dad's girlfriend got up and did that at about 7.30 this morning. On a Sunday I am not used to getting up till about 1pm ^.^
But, I am still in a good mood anyhow. I'm visiting my friend today and were going to have a nice girly day in. Maybe order some chineese and watch a few DVD's. It's gonna be fun.
I hope you have something to look forward to today also, Mayo. Do something that you havn't done in a while and share it with someone special. Those ones make the best memories.
Take care.
- Jade
xx
Can I have room 1408? You know the one with all the creepy stuff and John Cusack in - I have a small crushette on him!
Enjoy your Sunday Mayo & miscellaneous bloggers...
Kass xx
Oh, and my worse characteristic is being so fabulous I make those around me feel bad about themselves - reverse schaudenfreude, if you will...
Hi in the last few hours to Anon, Ergo, FASC, Jade and Kass.
Ergo,
That fish you caught!!
Don't you go swimming in the dams?
And those monsters are in there with you???
*adds baramundi, to crocodiles, spiders, snakes and Australians, on list of things to be avoided, when in Australia next*
*just joking on the...
baramundi**
Anima,
OMG I can't believe that happened to you. I am so sorry. I don't know how you get over something like that. I have so much respect for you and your personal strength.
*hugs anima tightly*
Good to see you, Jade.
Sounds like you've a fun day planned. It should make up for that early morning wake up. Owls and larks have their moments don't they?
Vaseline,
I just had to say that, because that is one of the most unique names I have seen. You were indeed as useful as your nom de plume. A fantastic lubricant for lips as well.
*and Australians too.
I really do love the little West Islander's.
SS,
Beyond flocking jappy to see yourself and 'Dominic' again.
Roll on the fowl puns.
Geese Poem anon @9.33,
That was so kind. You get this place don't you? Welcome to BlogBelieve.
FS,
A mighty fine post =)
TJ,
Hope the last day at your library wasn't too hard. An exciting fresh start awaits. When you take that first bold step forward don't hesitate and take a step back, because you'll tread on the toes of all of us behind you.
So what happens 9 months before February in the northern hemisphere?
Upcoming birthdays include...
Star Feb 1
Mya Feb 2
RW Feb 3
CTV Feb 13
MJ Feb 16
Right, I'm off like an old sardine.
See you around all.
Oh bollocks, I forgot our host.
Good morning Mayo.
Just peace and quiet this morning.
*keeps curtains closed and shuts door to Mayo's quietly*
HELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
just woke up at 6.20am on a sunday morning and you ask me why? well i will tell tell you
manchester united are going to win a football (soccar) game and miss t's team who are tottenham hotpsur are going to LOSE. miss t if you read this you are going down!!!!! lol
anima - i have just read what you wrote and i just wanted to say that i could never imagine any of that but i have so much respect for your strength and for you being you. i am proud to know you and call you a friend. big fucking hug for you my dear ;)
ergo - i am so sorry to hear about your friends brother. it is very sad news and please know that my thoughts are with him and his family but also you. is your cat ok ergo?
Jade - sounds like you have a lovely day ahead of you. well afternoon by the time i have read this cos it is nearly 2pm your time. i hope you have a nice time and i hope you are ok hun.
tj - a very nice and lovely poem. very talented
mayo - cheers for this place.
SS - i hope that you have a look at the present you left for us all. we HONKED on there and i hope you see all the kind and caring words. you know how we feel.
right everyone i will be on later today because my team is going to thrash miss t team. whoop whoop
have a lovely day and i wil see you all later. bye bye
xx
Morning all
The sun is shining, the temp is above freezing, the birds are singing (okay I just made that one up sorry wishful thinking) it’s gonna be a beautiful day! (Wishful thinking yet again)
Hope we all find just a bit of happiness today.
Hope we remember to think of others and treat them like we would want to be treated.
Mostly I just hope each of us has at least one true smile appear on our faces.
So now I really need more coffee.
Mayo,
How are you today? Things running along pretty smoothly so far? I hope it's at just the right speed. Me? I'm good. Just ate my oatmeal which feels like mortar mix in my belly and I'm sitting here trying to type in stealth mode. These fucking keys are loud as hell in a quiet house. Err....
Mayo, I hope you find time in your day to think of someone. It might be someone you miss, someone you love, someone you had a fight with, someone you are best friends with, someone you need to talk to or someone who needs you to listen. Let them find their way back into your heart and mind.
I'll bet you that they have spent some time thinking of you as well.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. or all of the above.
9:30 AM, January 27, 2008
Last night I dreamt that I was in a London hotel restaurant and while I was waiting for my table I picked up a magazine to pass the time. My eyes fell upon an article entitled MAYONAISE...52 secrets you didn't know. It listed many "facts" about Mayo and speculated who the blogger might be. I thought Fuck, there goes the blog, now it will be deleted or ruined by an influx of curious onlookers. Then I woke up.
It was funny to think of Mayo becoming a famous blogger, but it was also scary to think about how attached I am to this blog that I would really hate for it to end.
Just thought I'd share.
Gosh, Bikey, Mya, thank you. Yeah, I know, people have it so much worse, and that makes me feel guilty, too. Especially when they are able to look in the mirror and go, "Cool!" I respect that so much. It's so special and awesome.
Anima, my god, that's so terrible. And by the way--I hope you don't think this is cheesy?--but I don't count rape as "having sex." I don't think that rape has anything to do with sex or virginity. I think it's all about power, violence and hatred. I hate that it exists and I'm sorry that not only did it happen to you, but that you continued to be harassed in your job, too. My boss used to harass me until we had a loooong talk one day, except his harassment was the opposite: he used to make jokes about my looks. It's all about power. Anima, that just really sucks and I don't blame you in the least if it is still hanging over your head. I know that I wouldn't be able to let go of it.
Ergo, I'm sorry about your friend's brother. I agree, decisions made by alcohol are almost always bad. I enjoy a drink a few times a year, but at the same time, I almost kind of hate it. Drunkenness in other people makes me nervous. I'm sorry for what happened.
Anon @ 6:07, yeah, I like the way you think. Some people do create conflict for themselves. Anyway, it reminded me of Tarot cards, and how they always imply that even the worst of circumstances ultimately bring about change and possibly rebirth. Easy enough to say though, I know. Harder to grasp when you're in the middle of the metaphorical tsunami.
FIMBLE! Thank you, you crack me all kinds of up. The other night in chat when you told me to hit myself in the head with a rock, I LOLled about that all night. ILU. ^_^
Hey S(S)S, if you're about the premises today, again, thank you. And I hope you get the pic I posted for you, he's a cutie! ^_^
Mayo: How's it going this morning? Hey listen, don't post until I come back from the store, I wanna ask you something.
No, I'm just kidding, post whenever you want. ^_^ Hope you're having a good day.
Good morning all.
Anon at 10:29 i feel you on that. But I won't be worried until Law and Order does an episode about a mysterious blogger named Horseradish.
To anima and Ep I'm sorry to hear about the horrible things that have happen to you or someone you care about.
Good Morning everyone :)
Ergo:
My greatest condolences. I'm so sorry. You know, but I'll tell you again, if you need to talk about anything, you can always email us. They are in my thoughts.
Anima:
I don't even know what to say. I'm so disappointed and disgusted in people who feel they have to do the things they did to you. I'm just so sorry it had to happen. But, what matters is you are a beautiful person with a beautiful SOUL. And that's just simply great.
Kapunua:
I now know to never get on the road with you! ;) Kidding!
And as far as your looks go, we've had this discussion before and my mind hasn't changed. I just hope that one day you will begin to see what others see.
To the Dream Anon:
Holy shit. I can't imagine having that dream. I can guess that you were freaked out? And why 52 secrets?
Are there that many of us he's hiding from his wife? ;) Kidding, again!
Anon that addressed Mayo:
That's a very good perspective. I like that.
hey guys!!!
hello to you all.
i have managed to have a little catch up.
ergo so sorry to read about your friends brother.
anima i have left a comment on your blog. big hugs to you!!!
anon at 10.29am - oh what a dream!! i've had a few about this place, i wake up thinking what the fuck! why am i dreaming about this!!! crazy shit!!
fimble what a fucking result in case anyone cares
man utd 3 spurs 1!! yes!
miss T if you are back sorry for thrashing you!! must admit though i felt a bit sick when you went 1-0 up in the first half!!
ok thats me. its 4.22pm in sunny old england and i must go and create a culinary masterpiece!!
oh and some one was asking about room no.s. mine is def room 11 ok all my stuff is there and everything!!
and wow what a shit load of birthdays we have coming up in feb!!
right i'll catch you all later.
love to you all and the mayo man and SS.
oh SS if you are lurking i'll just reiterate what fimble said.
SS - i hope that you have a look at the present you left for us all. we HONKED on there and i hope you see all the kind and caring words. you know how we feel.
Darlings!!!
I have no idea what is going on with any of you, and no matter how hard I try to find the time I can't.
I haven't been so well lately, and when I feel better I have so much to do.
If anyone is hurting though, then please do email me, I care for you all so much!
Mayo, hope you're holding up ok.
You're still in my thoughts.
xoxo cupcake
Mayo,
I am so sorry for not posting sooner, and you may not read this, but work has me crazy.
When i first read your post, i felt sad that you are feeling the way you do.
Sometimes we try to replace how we feel inside, by trying to let someone else in, it dose not always work and someone gets hurt.
How can you expect someone to give in to you, when you hide so many secrets.
I can only speak for myself, but i have secrets, past deeds, i am ashamed of.
I made those secrets in a drunken haze, somethings i will never indulge to another person ever.
I lived in a world, where anything go's, nothing is beyond getting or doing.
I just jumped right in, not thinking one day i would say "O' Shit!
I did not know, one day i would wonder, what would someone think, if i told them the tale of who i was.
Was, being the key word here!
I am older now, but i carry all those secrets, and sometimes i ask myself, how can someone love me, when they do not see me, when inside i feel the monster screaming, look at me, see me!
This is who i am!
And then wonder if they see, will they run, it haunts my every thought.
You need to take control of your life, it's time to stop pushing people away and except who you are, its time to stop trying to love and start loving yourself.
I'm bi, it's not a word people like to hear, or understand or except, and it took me a long time to come to terms with it, but i am, who i am.
If i can survive who i am, in a society that dose not except me, then you should have the courage to get off that chair, stop feeling sorry for yourself, and say "fuck this shit, this is my life!
Until you do Mayo, you will set in that chair, all alone, in a room filled with just you and your secrets.
Sound sad?
It should!
Now do something about it.
All the love!
PJ
hello everyone
just to let you know i have the biggest smile on my face.
manchester united won today 3-1.
miss t - i am sorry that you lost but bring it on. united are the best lol (you know ilu)
so ok now i got that off me chest.
how are you all today, is there anybody in here
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