Let me get the door for you.
p.s. my hand is there, reach for it.
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I would like to credit the photographer and thank her for sharing her work.
Your words are what give value to this space.
Never do that again.
Yes, I am aware.
Art by: Toujours
No Contest
even if no one gets me, if i'm the only one laughing at my jokes, i won't hide myself away from life. it's uncertain and it's dirty and it's fucking exciting, and i want to be a part of all of it.
it's too good to waste in hiding.
toujours
February, 21, 2009 1:27 AM
it's too good to waste in hiding.
toujours
February, 21, 2009 1:27 AM
heart full
Today on my way home from class, I stopped off at the petrol station for some petrol. I paid on my card which wasn’t a lot, and then as I was getting into my car, I saw an old man walking past the building. He had a red and green stripy jumper which was frayed at the ends. He was also wearing some jeans that were dirty and had holes all over.
I sat there and became intrigued by him because I didn’t know what he was doing, so as I sat there and watched him, he continued doing what he set out to do.
He walked past the trash cans and first picked out a cup with some drink still in it (one of the cups that you get from burger king that has coke in it). He then walked over to the next trash can and pulled out the end of a half eaten sandwich. In my shock horror, he ate it and then went to sit on the wall to drink the drink he had found.
I felt sad, I wanted to give him my last $4 that I had but I was told when I was younger that you should never give people money, you should give them something they need or can use because that way, if they had an addiction, they would not be able to use the money for their addiction. So I went into the shop and bought a chicken sandwich from their deli counter and then walked out of the building.
The guy was still sat at the wall drinking his drink so I walked up to him and asked him if he would like this sandwich. He thanked me and said that he was hungry.
I should of felt good after that, doing something for someone else but all I could think of is where his next meal will come from or where in fact he will sleep tonight.
Fimble Star
September 30, 2008 8:08 PM
(Tonight, although I am cold and my feet are sore, my belly is full.)
I sat there and became intrigued by him because I didn’t know what he was doing, so as I sat there and watched him, he continued doing what he set out to do.
He walked past the trash cans and first picked out a cup with some drink still in it (one of the cups that you get from burger king that has coke in it). He then walked over to the next trash can and pulled out the end of a half eaten sandwich. In my shock horror, he ate it and then went to sit on the wall to drink the drink he had found.
I felt sad, I wanted to give him my last $4 that I had but I was told when I was younger that you should never give people money, you should give them something they need or can use because that way, if they had an addiction, they would not be able to use the money for their addiction. So I went into the shop and bought a chicken sandwich from their deli counter and then walked out of the building.
The guy was still sat at the wall drinking his drink so I walked up to him and asked him if he would like this sandwich. He thanked me and said that he was hungry.
I should of felt good after that, doing something for someone else but all I could think of is where his next meal will come from or where in fact he will sleep tonight.
Fimble Star
September 30, 2008 8:08 PM
(Tonight, although I am cold and my feet are sore, my belly is full.)
It helped.
Jennicula,
Thank you for sharing your story. Although it only appeared briefly, I was lucky enough to have caught it.
Once upon a time, for me, that was the best part of this place...having my words related back to me from another's perspective.
And it never mattered to me who said it, just that it meant something to the writer.
Thank you for sharing your story. Although it only appeared briefly, I was lucky enough to have caught it.
Once upon a time, for me, that was the best part of this place...having my words related back to me from another's perspective.
And it never mattered to me who said it, just that it meant something to the writer.
Blog header image by: Anima
I would like to credit the photographer and thank her for sharing her work.
something
Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life. Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. If you've had a shitty day and you feel like people just don't want you to be happy, and when you find yourself struggling to make it through the day, just keep on believing and keep the faith. Also, from personal experience, don't push people away. When they say they want to help and that they are there for you, let them in. Believe me, I know how fucking scary that thought is, but don't shut others out.
paperheartxx
September 22, 2008 11:07 PM
paperheartxx
September 22, 2008 11:07 PM
Retro-spectacled
Sometimes, when you look back on stuff in your life, you know, the crap that makes you shake your head and say, "Holy shit, what the Hell was I thinking?" it's part of what makes you - you.
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I have made small mistakes and really big, fucking scary mistakes. Would I change those mistakes and blunders?
No. Wanna know why?
Because they make me - me. They help make up the person that I am, what I've learned the hard way. Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and have become a better person for it. And, hopefully I don't repeat those same mistakes. Although, sometimes I repeat variations of certain ones, but I'm working on that. :)
Jennicula
June 11, 2008 11:19 AM
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I have made small mistakes and really big, fucking scary mistakes. Would I change those mistakes and blunders?
No. Wanna know why?
Because they make me - me. They help make up the person that I am, what I've learned the hard way. Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and have become a better person for it. And, hopefully I don't repeat those same mistakes. Although, sometimes I repeat variations of certain ones, but I'm working on that. :)
Jennicula
June 11, 2008 11:19 AM
aloft
Blazing against the sun
like locusts,
samaras swarm the sky
and skitter to an earthly end,
dry
like clever words.
I want to make them fly up,
flip heaven upside down
and dance across the top of hell
and sing your thoughts
to the sound of thunder
that you love so well,
rip open the littered sky
and bathe in the light
or draw across the firmament
the blanket of the night.
In only a day they have
covered the ground,
their brief flight
yielding nothing permanent
on infertile land,
a fleeting moment of swarming glory
that calls to mind our own
short story:
Diamonds and petals,
the loom and the light,
the inkdark moon, foxfire marsh,
an open, waiting hand.
Clever winged seeds
of childhood reminiscent--
and like the idiot grown-up heart,
as stubbornly indehiscent.
Weaver Girl
May 26, 2008 11:27 PM
like locusts,
samaras swarm the sky
and skitter to an earthly end,
dry
like clever words.
I want to make them fly up,
flip heaven upside down
and dance across the top of hell
and sing your thoughts
to the sound of thunder
that you love so well,
rip open the littered sky
and bathe in the light
or draw across the firmament
the blanket of the night.
In only a day they have
covered the ground,
their brief flight
yielding nothing permanent
on infertile land,
a fleeting moment of swarming glory
that calls to mind our own
short story:
Diamonds and petals,
the loom and the light,
the inkdark moon, foxfire marsh,
an open, waiting hand.
Clever winged seeds
of childhood reminiscent--
and like the idiot grown-up heart,
as stubbornly indehiscent.
Weaver Girl
May 26, 2008 11:27 PM
Electric Blue
…today I saw a ulysses butterfly it was in our yard and settled to feed on our hibiscus. They really are fantastically beautiful things, the electric blue is amazing, however as they sit with their wings closed they are rather nondescript and dull. Sometimes people are like that, from the outside they seem unappealing but within there hides an amazing beauty for those lucky enough to see it. I hope you appreciate beauty in all things, and look for it perhaps where others miss it.
ergoproxy
April 29, 2008 4:45 AM
ergoproxy
April 29, 2008 4:45 AM
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
I read your post again and suddenly without warning memories of construction paper filled my head. I remembered all the lop-sided flowers my girls made when they were young. Bright blue, yellow and pink flowers that were cut out with blunt end scissors would fill the windows to decorate for Easter. An occasional bunny was attempted but those usually ended up looking like creatures from a horror movie. Flowers were so much easier. I can close my eyes and hear the paper being cut into petals. I can smell the Elmer’s glue squirted on in huge blobs to attach each misshapen petal to form the flowers. We had a huge arts and crafts box full of wonderful items just waiting for their imaginations to turn into something wonderful. In my mind I see my daughters, as they once were, small, blond little girls sitting on the floor surrounded by scraps of paper and other art supplies. They would create their masterpieces then proudly show each other. Oh and Lord the messes that would ensue if the glitter made an appearance. Now, the box is forgotten. I’m not really sure where it even is anymore. The few flowers so lovingly created that survived are faded and dusty and high on a shelf they sit. Time marches on, so many things get left behind.
Today was the first Easter I spent alone. I don’t think it really upset me until I remembered the construction paper flowers. Of course I understand that my daughters are growing up and have lives of their own. But understanding doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I miss my little girls in their frilly Easter dresses. I miss the laughter that filled the house when they found what the Easter Bunny left for them. And I miss making the damn flowers.
Elena
March 24, 2008 3:57 AM
Today was the first Easter I spent alone. I don’t think it really upset me until I remembered the construction paper flowers. Of course I understand that my daughters are growing up and have lives of their own. But understanding doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I miss my little girls in their frilly Easter dresses. I miss the laughter that filled the house when they found what the Easter Bunny left for them. And I miss making the damn flowers.
Elena
March 24, 2008 3:57 AM
From the corner.
I wonder if you noticed
all our friends playing
Some had never tried before
and the result was amazing.
Poems from the corner
from the left and right
We did our best to keep them flowing
Late into this night.
If nothing else was accomplished
I hope we made someone see
How truly beautiful and amazing
a poem can be.
Sdock10
March 13, 2008 11:36 PM
all our friends playing
Some had never tried before
and the result was amazing.
Poems from the corner
from the left and right
We did our best to keep them flowing
Late into this night.
If nothing else was accomplished
I hope we made someone see
How truly beautiful and amazing
a poem can be.
Sdock10
March 13, 2008 11:36 PM
Thank You. Truly.
"This little world has grown around us, out of nothing, and it is a remarkable thing. Even the dark and dirty parts, the violent parts. Humanity will not thrive without passion."
Redrum
March 1, 2008 3:13 AM
Redrum
March 1, 2008 3:13 AM
Uncondensed
Your words are what give value to this space.
Never do that again.
Yes, I am aware.
Character Advocacy.
"Don't ever pretend to be something you're not. You are who you are, and no one can change that. The people who don't like the real you are just gonna have to suck it. Don't take shit from anyone. Don't crumble. Throw a few birds, and walk on.
I'm still trying to do this, so maybe we can work on it together."
mustardisbetter
January 16, 2008 4:48 PM
I'm still trying to do this, so maybe we can work on it together."
mustardisbetter
January 16, 2008 4:48 PM
Art by: Toujours
“I decided to stop pitying myself. Other than my eye, two things aren't paralyzed, my imagination and my memory.”
Jean-Dominique Bauby
Jean-Dominique Bauby
1,940 comments:
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MAGIC PIE.
Shit, son. I missed youuuuuuu.
hi magic pie how are you????? :)
see you later, ergo. have fun at the gym!
well, hey there magic pie! how are you?
See you later Ergo.
Hi Magic pie, how are you?
hahaha hi CTV! I missed you too.
I know I've been away for a while. I usually just show up randomly these days. How are ya?
Hey Pixie! What's up?
Hello Miss T and toujours!
I'm sleepy and bored as per usual. You?
I know, right? That's why it's always special when you come and visit. I'm fine, what about yourself?
*hug*
Kapunua, anytime love.
nothing much magic pie, time fo me to go to bed soon ;)
awww Thanks CTV!
I'm doing well...was reading some Harry Potter earlier than went for a nappy wappy.
Pixie...sweet sweet sleep ;)
ok i´ll go to bed now.
take care and have fun *hugs* see you tomorrow!!!
sleep tight pixie!
Goodnight my pixie chum, sweet dreams.
See you tomorrow.
good night pixie!
i agree with the sleepy part, magic pie. i slept in until almost noon today, which i never do, and i think my brain decided no to wake up at all. :)
Thank you, Pixie. God, aside from bitching, "Thank you" seems to be all I'm saying lately.
Did anybody else happen to see those videos on youtube of MCR showing up at the airport and all those people screaming bloody murder about it? Oh my god, it's disgraceful. And it's totally intimidating. Imagine you're some kid from New Jersey and then a few years later you're like The Beatles? Man.
On the other hand, so is crap like this:
wertica_
2007-12-09 09:13 pm UTC (link) Track This
lmfao i see the freaky vids got finally posted here. i was almost in tears yesterday from the shock.
malasian people are fucking creeps.
Die.
That's awful K.
It said on INO that the radio stations gave out the info about the band's arrival and organised the screaming welcome.
Yeah, they did. That was an idiotic move. But I'm still madder at that dick who said that all Malaysian people were creeps. >_>
I agree K.
hi girls!
I'm so sorry I just disappeared yesterday without saying goodbye!
Angry teen sisters can be very violent if you don't drive them quickly to closest party.
toujours, that wasn't a dumb question at all! of course you can vote in english, sweetheart!
missT and OP J, thank you soo much *hug*
Kapu, take care of yourself, girl! I hope you're not in pain.
Btw, your pics are awesome!
Girls, you all are totally gorgeous! I'm so jealous now!
ps. PH, where's my brownie? *eats crumbs*
Hi Andiebomb, how are you?
I'm a long time lurker,ocasional poster. Did we ever find out who that person was who was asking if we would want to know who mayo was? i may have an idea but whoever it was they weren't sure whether they should tell us or not. anyone else thinking maybe a certain someone found out and weren't sure if they should break bad news to us or just let us carry on as ignorance is bliss and all that. personaly i would rather know the truth.
hi missT...I'm a bit sad.
Just had a huge fight with my boyfriend.
how are you, my dear?
*MissT runs naked through the blog*
Wayhay!!!!!!!!!!! catch me if you can.
I just felt like doing that.
Anyone wanna join me in my streak?
of course you can vote in english, sweetheart!
i'm glad, andie, because that's exactly what i did last night. i hope you get it! :D
wow
lucky I got back in time for that missT
*wolf whistle*
hiya andie!
what's the voting about?,I missed where you said.
O_O
rawr, miss t!
*leers at the glitter*
I'm good andibomb. Sorry to hear about your fight.
Anon, they never came back to say either way.
watch out missT, we do have neighbors, don't we?
maybe I will join you..it's kinda hot here!
*throws dress away*
hi toujours :D care to join?
Come on ladies and get your kit off.
Mayo has left the heating on so it's not too nippy.
ok
*divests self of slightly sweaty gym clothes*
*applies more deodorant*
aaaaahhhhh
now I just need some cocktails!
haha.
You said "nippy."
well i wish they would come back and say cos i would rather know the truth.i think this person is holding back telling us in case it means the end of everything but if it is who i think it is they probably feel guilty and that they should be telling us the truth.
Jen, my nips are not nippy ha!
Cool, Andiebomb and Ergo are starkers too.
Bring on those cocktails and let's party.
ok, I'll get naked, but I'm keeping my socks on. It's chilly.
(tosses clothes in heap on the floor)
(keeps socks on)
mmm. sexy with my socks!
hi ergo! long time no see!
well,I'm running for a job at my local radio station :D
That is probably so anon.
Cool, jen has joined the naked party too.
What drinks do we have Ergo?
Anon, I think we thought we had a link to who Mayo was, but we were mistaken. It was confusion with Lolita's photobucket when she was unfiltering the picture.
We still have no clue. Oh well.
Anonymous said...
well i wish they would come back and say cos i would rather know the truth.i think this person is holding back telling us in case it means the end of everything but if it is who i think it is they probably feel guilty and that they should be telling us the truth.
Well, that same day we linked this blog (or at least the picture that was posted here) to someone named Lloyd, so. I guess that clears at least one thing up.
Thanks, Andie! ^_^
the person said they stumbled across the truth and things had come to light so my money is on it being ss and that is why he was confused before.
awesome andie.
can I vote for you? how do I do that?
anon, don't stress about it,i'm sure we'll find out sooner or later.
Get your gear off and grab a cocktail!
missT I have enlisted the help of a good looking barman, who is behind one way glass and will pepare anything your heart desires!
I am having an icy cold Pina Colada at the moment
yeah i'm just annoyed cos i would just rather know.some days i'm sure he is the real deal and other days i find it hard to believe.it's the not knowing i hate.someone somewhere must know.
Ergo, an ice cold pina colada sounds lovely.
I'm sorry to hear that Andie. That just sucks.
Wha, there is a naked party in here? O_O
Anon, I guess only mayo knows.
Anima, I streaked through here too and got a few others to join in. Now we are having a naked party.
Stops for a minute to raise glass and send out well wishes to K and Trisky.
hi ghoulies
yes you can ergo! *blushes*
just send an email to tambienensabado@hotmail.com that says "i vote for Andrea" :D
awwwrr I must go now but will come back later.
*waves*
ooopppps, forgot to get my clothes on
XOXO
anima!!!
strip to how you are comfortable.
and go see the barman for a drink
Elena, if you are out there somewhere, I am really sorry to hear about your daughters accident. We've had ice all day and night. Take care of yourself. Come here if you need us anytime.
I shall vote for you andie
lol - we are your secret weapons for success!
hi toujours :D care to join?
oh shite -- i finally get back here from my lj and what do i find? nakedness!
i'll stay dressed, thankyouverymuch.
besides, i already streaked in this blog once. ;)
Anon, the only person that knows is the owner. I think it is just better that way.
I already have a cocktail. ;) I'm set!
*Cheers to all of you. And much love to K and Trisky.
(runs around room)
Yay, being naked is great!
(peer out window to see if neighbors are watching)
See you later andiebomb, you left your knickers behind.
Come on TJ, get your nips out like the rest of us.
"lol - we are your secret weapons for success!"
That's just awesomeness.
TJ perhaps just a bikini?
hey has anyone else got those silicon stick on nipple covers?
I use them with my gym stuff - I do not need the males there knowing how I feel about the air conditioning!!
*hands some sticky nips to Ergo*
weeeelllll....
i'll strip down to my undies, ok?
*takes off shirt and skirt*
*stands in a wonder woman tank and panties*
oops. i forgot i was wearing these.
*hehehe*
somebody, give me a drink.
*hands TJ a drink*
Nice panties.
"hey has anyone else got those silicon stick on nipple covers?"
I have them. But it's not very often that I can go without a bra. But I do like them.
Why I decided to answer your question? I have no idea. ;)
thanks missT but I actually have some already!
*holds them in front of eyes* look I'm a fly !!!
very nice knicker set TJ !!
ha ha ha Ergo!
I'm heading out to have dinner.
Love to all of you.
thanks for the drink, miss t.
*takes drink and sips*
*curtsies at miss t. and ergo for their approval of said panties*
i need some tinfoil, though. the only way i won't feel completely naked is if i can make some bracelets for this outfit.
See you later Anima.
*emerges from kitchen woth tinfoil*
There you go TJ.
Anima I know you left for dinner but Thank You.
I found this for you TJ
*hands over plaited yellow wool lasso*
and this is to make you feel the part
Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
All the world's waiting for you,
and the power you possess.
In your satin tights,
Fighting for your rights
And the old Red, White and Blue.
Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
Now the world is ready for you,
and the wonders you can do.
Make a hawk a dove,
Stop a war with love,
Make a liar tell the truth.
Wonder Woman,
Get us out from under, Wonder Woman.
All our hopes are pinned on you.
And the magic that you do.
Stop a bullet cold,
Make the Axis fall,
Change their minds, and change the world.
Wonder Woman, Wonder Woman.
You're a wonder, Wonder Woman.
GUys, so what are your favorite fictional characters and why? These could be from any media: books, plays, movies, video games, comics, anything. Who are your favorites and what draws you to them? Is it because you feel like you relate to that character? Or do they just fascinate you because they are so different from other characters?
thank you again, miss t. ^.^
*sits on the floor and gets crafty*
hey, thanks, ergo! (i've had that song in my head since i took off my clothes, haha)
*attaches lasso to waist with safety pin*
*brandishes foil-clad wrists*
kapunua, i'm not going to answer your question with "wonder woman", btw. ;)
Kapunua, I like Barry the time travelling sprout from the Robert Rankin books because he is a srcastic little bugger and he cracks me up.
One of favorite fictional characters is Stephanie Pumb from the Janet Evanovich books. She's always having a bad day, her life sucks but she has two great guys who like her no matter how weird she is. Oh and her family is completely crazy. I can relate.
Kapunua mine is Killashandra from the Anne Mccaffrey books the Crystal Singer series.
She reads as beautiful, a bit misunderstood, strong and independant and resourceful, and still romantic
(I bet TJ knew I'd say that!!)
OH Elena I love those books!!!
I always look forward to a new one.
Plus the granny is a laugh,
and who wouldn't want a Ranger in their life?
have you read the Bubbles novels?
Bubbles in trouble etc?
sookie stackhouse, from charlaine harris' southern vampire series. she's a great character to read because her voice is so strong and her take on life is interesting and fun. (she's a cocktail waitress in alabama -- i'm pretty sure it's alabama -- who can hear people's thoughts, which has been a handicap her whole life until she falls in with the vampire sub-culture.)
(I bet TJ knew I'd say that!!)
i did! and i was toying with mentioning menolly from the harper hall books. ^.^
Mayo
hello
i wonder why it is so quite in your world nto only today but all week.
Have you even noticed? do you see the little people in here or do you just read what you want to read?
everybody has a voice whether it shouts or whispers. maybe you should listen to the whispers as well.
a lot of people( our friends) have left here becuase they dont feel like they should be here, that they do not get heard. they have left altogether or just simply lurk becuase they feel small.
i really hope that one day you listen to the small voices in here but also the voices that you have. i dont know you. dont know who you are but i do know that i wish you well and i hope no harm comes your way. think about what you truely want and you truely desire, just not wat you think you want.
xx
Ah Ergo you must be like me...I would take Ranger over Joe any day. Who wouldn't want a tall, dark and handsome guy who gives you a new car everytime you blow one up?
Toujours - I love Sookie. I totally think she should hook up with Eric. Damn that vampire is hot.
Mayo et all,
A little Sunday evening silliness:
My spoon is too big
TJ, she's from Louisiana.
I love Sookie Stackhouse too.
Fimble I understand what you are saying. I felt that way until a very good friend who visits here and offers us so much love reminded me that sometimes it's the smallest whisper that that gets heard.
but for some elena it never happened and itmay never happen. they just walked away which is sad.
how are you. how are your daughters?
Fimble, that was lovely and so true.
TJ, she's from Louisiana.
oops. thanks, jennicula. it's been awhile since i read one -- she doesn't write them fast enough!
Toujours - I love Sookie. I totally think she should hook up with Eric. Damn that vampire is hot.
eric's the club owner right? (like i said, it's been awhile) i loved the amnesia storyline. *swoony*
That was heartfelt & lovely, FS.
TJ, I'm reading the latest Sookie story. It's quick, light reading and I really enjoy it.
thanks jen and rw. how are you both
Fimble, that was so greatly put and such a good topic.
You think the same goes for somone like me who just mumbles? Nah.
I'm signing off for the night. A bubble bath beckons.
Have a great night, everyone :D
Fimble, you have always been one of the loudest voices to me and you know that.
I listen to you so much, you know that too.
If others don't hear you then that is there loss cos I know that I couldn't be without you. You always know how to cheer me up sweetie.
Remeber my bad night, whoose voice pulled me through the most? You know what you did sweetie.
I love you.
I'm good, FS :) You?
Going to fill the bath with oily, bubbly goodness & enjoy a soak...
Yeah Eric is the vampire sheriff of the parish. He owns the night club. I like him much better than Bill.
TJ Menolly for sure!
FS you know I think a lot gets heard, like elena said
good night resurrected wreck. ^.^
fimble, i've felt like that too, and when i do it's true that i end up lurking more. but then i miss talking with you guys. because you guys are all so much fun!
so it comes and goes for me. and as far as mayo goes -- well, we never really know which comments he's read or not, so i keep leaving them, and hoping that my words are some of the ones that might mean something to him.
i'm kind of stupidly hopeful like that.
Goodnight RW.
Hello FS once again you express what I am feeling. The only difference I don't think I will leave I will lurk or just give up on saying anything to those who don't seem to hear my voice.
What else can I do? If I dwell on these things to long or even keep trying to be heard I will eventually get so upset that I will leave. So I just don't bother to much anymore
Mayo,
How's it rockin' in your world? I hope it's just the kind of music you like. The kind that makes you sing and dance. The real kind...the kind with feeling. Me? I am okay. Just feeling a little bit disconnected. Ya know? Now I am sitting here trying to reflect on my day.
Remember this morning? My goals for the day. Well, I have to admit I made a pretty half assed effort at it, but I succeeded in all but one. I surprised my boyfriend with something I did and he told me how I was the oddest individual he had ever met. Translated...I'm sure it means I completely turn him on all the time. Fuck yeah!...or not. I gave love to everyone here and to him and felt loved back by my 2 little dogs. Hey, it's better than human love anyfuckingday of the week. And now, I'm writing it all down just like I wanted to. So, I am just missing the one....That's not too bad for my first day.
I actually tried to write all this sitting outside on the porch and mosquitoes ended up trying to feast on me. At first, I was all going to be a badass and fight them off. I was feeling pretty damn tough with my walkman, my notebook, and my writing utensil in had, but those little bloodsuckers started chewing on me and I came unfuckingglued. I lost all composure and retreated inside....clawing at my skin. Mosquitoes 1-sdock10 0....I shall come prepared to do battle next time.
So today I felt disconnected and incomplete. I get this feeling that there are parts of me scattered everywhere. I have given away so many pieces. I wonder if you were to put them all together would it be a complete person? Or is there a big chunk out there that I haven't even found yet? And here I stumble around in the world reaching out trying to connect to anyone or anything. Sometimes I get sparks and electricity and a connection and sometimes....I get nothing. I am invisible and numb. Feel me?
Oh well, not every day has to be a great revelation or inspiration, right? Tonight, I think I am scribbling and doodling more than I am writing.
But you know what? It's pretty. Wanna see?
May you rock yourself to sleep tonight.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. Did I make you smile? Then I guess my day was a success afterall.
hey miss t and entropy. that comment as not all about me. i was trying to tell mayo to think about what has been going on. maybe he should take a page out of ss book and do something for us.
and mayo wonders why we all love ss so much
he bloody treats us like friends. he goes out of his way to do nice things. i know mayo did that for miss t and i am forever greatful, but mayo just sounds like he doesnt bother that much. ok i am sorry just my opinions.
what about bubba, elena? don't you get a kick out of that character? i really do. ^.^
Elena, (hi) I like Bill better. He's a gentleman outside, and a wildman in bed. Eric is too flashy and unpredictable. Bill seems more steady.
night RW enjoy your bath!
have any of you read the Undead books, Undead and Unwed,Undead and Unloved etc?
About a woman who's totally pissed off to discover she's a vampire
Hey FS I'm taking a page out of Aip's book. You shouldn't be sorry for how you feel and I am proud of you because you have the guts to say it. As far as what Mayo can do for us just stay and have a chat. That is all just chat.
Ergo,
I just got the Twilight series as a gift. I'll rip into them next week. But I'll check out the Undead series after them.
Since we're all addressing Mayo tonight...
Mayo, hey, I'm sorry I've been such downer these last few days, and I'm sorry that I probably will continue to be. Things aren't looking up. it usually doesn't last this long with me. You know, I get crushed and then bounce back. But I also fully understand that the worst is yet to come. And I'm sorry for using YOUR blog to unload all of this stuff instead of my own.
I suspect that's because this time I want to write it all down and NOT remember it, and I have a tendency to go through my own journal frequently and re-live the past.
But while I'm sorry for all of this angst and stuff, still I want to thank you for bringing all of these people here. Because I've been on the internet for like ten or more years, and people can be really inhumanly vicious when they're hiding behind a computer. Anywhere else I could have posted this stuff, I might have been ridiculed for making too much out of what most people consider a small part of life.
But this is a special group of people as I'm sure you've realized by now, and no matter what, we're all here because for whatever reason, you drew us here.
So, thanks for that and for allowing me--and all of us--the space to let it all out here.
Also thank you for your kind words the other night.
I'd just like to say that I hear everyone's voice.
I love you all. If others don't then I'll say it again, it is their loss.
ergo, i read the first one of that series -- it was pretty funny!
fimble, even though i get frustrated sometimes and wish so hard to know if i'm being heard or not, i wouldn't want mayo to try to be like ss. i like mayo as he is, and i've liked watching him slowly thaw towards us.
this is his blog, and even though it's become our home, i'm still content to wait and see what he has in store for us with each entry. my frustrations are mine alone, and more about my feeling than anything he has or hasn't done, really.
this blog seems to intensify everything, good and bad.
Toujours I love Bubba. What a fun character.
Jenn - I like Eric cause he is flashy and hot
are people still getting naked here?
Mayo, sometimes I picture you like a Hannibal Lecter kind of figure. Sometimes you're a little like V from V for Vendetta, sometimes a little like Marquis De Sade in Quills. Umm, I know there's another character I always compare you to or picture you as, but I can't think of who it is.
Strangely enough, tonight, to me you are Heero Yuy hiding his face behind his hand.
Go figure.
k
i know you have heard it all day about the well wishes. i wanted to pass mine along
i really do hope you are ok and if you ever want to talk i am her with a big floppy ear for you.
tj i know wat your saying, i like mayo in a way how he is but i just wish he interacted more. i know it is coming slowly its just something that i feel thats all. i cant help it and i am sure it will fade away but its just eating away at me thats all. like he will read this anyways. i just had a moment and yep thats it
xx
elena, it was a brilliant idea o her's to put bubba in the stories!
magic pie, i'm still in my wonder woman togs, so, y'know, probably?
who's still nekkid? raise your...
hands.
magic pie I think we are all whatever way we feel comfortable
which is pretty much how this blog is, some like to be louder and in your face, other's like to be introspective and thoughtful, some like to be helpful and fun,some feel comfortable giving vent to their thoughts and feelings, some are quieter and less inclined to reveal too much of themselves.
I waver about in the categories as most do on occasion.
I'm like missT- I like to try to hear all the voices even the anons.
It's true some speak to me more than others, and I'd say all of us, including Mayo are the same.
I have enjoyed the change we've seen in our host and am more than willing to take him as he comes, and as he wishes to be.
Gundam Wing I loved that show.
Kapu just know if any ass hole tries to knock you down for how you feel the family will be there for you.
Favourite fictional character? Gotta be Spider Man.
That guy is pure awesomeness.
(raises both hands)
Woohoo! I'm still buck wild!
kapunua, i really like that image. i like that even though he's hiding behind his hand, he's still looking at us directly. thanks or putting that up.
fimble, i understand, and that's cool. i'm really glad that you said what you were feeling -- i think every time one of us does that it makes it easier for all of us to be truthful here, even with the things that scare us or make us want to hide. it's one of the things about this blog that makes it special, in my book.
and now, i must hug you.
*huuuuggg!*
Magic Pie, you can get naked with me if you want.
My favorite fictional character is Mayo.
-VM
Wonder Woman is my favorite. I had the costume for Halloween when I was 7, and I wore it all year long.
Jane Eyre is another favorite.
Mayo is a good character. I'm just waiting for the plot twist that I know is coming.
*hands star a pair of tinfoil bracelets*
^.^
cheers tj. i will take that hug.
i am not one to sa what i am feeling becuase i always got shot down fordoing it in my life. school home crap like that. thank you for replying to my comment tho. to everyone who replyied.
thank you
xx
Thanks, TJ!
I still have my Golden Lariat of Truth!
Hey VM. How have you been, love?
you're so very welcome, fimble. i always really like hearing what you have to say -- especially when you're being silly because you always make me laugh! -- but at other times too. ^__^
star, ergo made me a lasso today out of braided yellow wool, see?
*shows off loops safety pinned to hip*
All I can say is that each one of us is important. Together we make up one hell of a special family.
Hear that Mayo, dude. I hope to hell you understand that. If you don't you're an idiot who doesn't deserve us.
tj havent been in the mood lately for sillyness. maybe i should make more of an effort.
Oh, toujours, that is awesome. Mine is this stretchy gold elastic material. Amazing stuff considering I got it in 1977.
I just made myself a sort of frappacino at home- it's not quite starbucks but it's nice.
and I found the coffee shop in our little town does iced coffee in a slushy machine, now I just have to convince them to put whipped cream on top!
life is good.
Just dropped in to tell you all that I love you. It's 2.30am, and I havn't found a sweet dream to ease into yet. I have school in the morning, and now because of the lack of sleep I cant see it being an enjoyable day. But, coming on here just to tell you all that will most probably make me feel better, so that is why I shall leave you all now, to see to that sleep that is awaiting me. The feeling that I get by coming here cant even be put into words. All of you have given me somewhere to fit in, somewhere to share with you my thoughts and opinions, and somewhere where I can relate.
Thankyou and good night.
Lots of Love.
- Jade
star I think that must be the best elastic stuff ever!!
and I'm amazed you still have it - cool!
jade.
wasnt on the other day but i just wanted to say that i hope your wrist gets better. i supose you you dont have to write in class or is it the wronf wrist hehehe
where abouts in the uk are you?
Love you too, Jade. Glad you're here with us.
Goodnight.
Love you too Jade. Sweet dreams.
aw thank you Jade!
that is so sweet of you,maybe if we all concentrate we can sed sweet dreams your way!
Luv 2 u 2 !
fimble, you just be yourself. when you're silly, you're silly. but if you're feeling solemn, that's good too.
jade, best of dreams to you! *tucks them into your hand*
ergo, you really are addicted aren't you? trying to scrounge up a fix wherever you can! lol
star, i'm officially jealous of you now. just so's you know.
that of course is "send" not "sed"
Hi CTV and everyone!
I have been crazy busy. Everything is due at the end of the semester (my coursework) and then I have to grade final exams and final papers (my students).
I am very glad it is almost over this has been the semester from hell. And on top of all of the work/school stress my marriage seems to be coming to an end.
-VM
oh VM that's awful!
Sorry to hear that VM.
Hi Jade, I hope your wrist is on the mend.
That's terrible, love. Crap, this month has been nothing but disappointment. I wish you all the best, my dear.
i am sorry to hear that vm.
xx
vm, i'm sorry to hear that. that's a hard thing to go through.
Hello Vm I'm sorry to hear about your marriage. I hope that things work out for the best.
Thanks for your thoughts Ergo, MissT, CTV, Fimble, and TJ.
It is awful because we have a child, and unfortunately this will impact her life significantly. I am sure that if it all comes to an end that we can be grown ups for her sake.
Can't wait to say goodbye to 2007.
New Year's Eve at Mayo's?
-VM
I'm sorry VM.
Thanks Martha, I am sure that they will. I am too old to not be happy in my own home.
-VM
Thanks, Fimble Star and MJ. TJ, that was one of my favorite animes a long time ago. And Heero Yuy is, to this day, one of my favorite characters.
Elena, maybe there is no plot twist. What say you, Ihekoa? You gonna twist it, or what? The same goes for you, SS / Ku'oko'akane.
Thank you Jade, sweet drams.
VM, that's so terribly stressful for you. I'm really sorry to hear it. And you know if you want to talk, well, misery loves company these days.
VM, NYE at Mayo's Cabana for sure.
Mayo, can we? Do you mind?
I'm sorry VM
New Years Eve
Brings back sweet memories. Watching MCR in Times Square (on TV of course) and seeing G back to looking like himself.
That haircut was awful, sry2say.
Star Kapunua and Elena, thanks for your thoughts.
I really need to spend more time here. Now that break is almost here I will be back a little more.
-VM
Just to let you all know I have ben trying to catch up on what has been happening with everyone. My thoughts go out to all of you that have met with your own challenges.
I wish I could have been around to offer my help during those times.
for sure i'll be here on new year's eve.
oh. that sounded really lame, didn't it? :)
CTV,
haircut. I have to agree.
-VM
Hasn't this last month been sucky for all of us in some way. Roll on 2008.
elena, watching mcr on tv was so much fun last year! (and his hair wasn't that bad!)
but my favorite bit was the youtube of bob playing with tp out the hotel window: "look at it! look at it! looook at it!!"
major lols! XD
VM I hope it works out well for your childs sake, if you try and remain civil and mature they should come out of it ok.
Both of you keep her welfare in mind when you make decisions.
It's rotten to be around christmas though.
I'm sure you can work it out in a way that will cause her the least problems
Toujours - Bob was such a goof. He sounded so excited. Hell of a way to spend a B-Day.
Hey all!
How have things been? Anything interesting happen?
Kapunua, how are you feeling? Your leg now...hope you are not in too much pain. And thank you for the Adam pics...very nice.
Go to my new blog:
http://noneventmass.blogspot.com
I want to do Mayo's World Tour
The idea is for everyone to comment on where they are from, country/state/town or nearest airport,whatever you feel comfortable with, and add a sight we should see while we are there, and I'll make up an itinerary for a world tour
Pass on the information, I'd really like to get everyone so we can see how far around the globe we are.
She is my first priority Ergo. But I do have to say that it would be irresponsible of me to allow her to continue to be exposed to what our relationship has become.
This is not the example I want to set for my daughter. She should not feel that she must compromise her own feelings and interests for her partner. She should come to expect that the person she chooses to share her life with will be open to her interests and opinions, even as they may change over time.
I expect that, and that is the problem.
-VM
Ergo I did it. Shit my sounds lame.
VM you are so right,sometimes the home environment is worse than the alternative.
It's such a shame things don't always last forever but being able to stand up and finish something in a mature reasonable fashion is a lesson kids can learn for their own future wellbeing.
Sometimes people change or things just don't work out.
I'm sure your daughter will understand if you are honest and forthright and your husband is too.
hello, katherine. ^.^
Bob was such a goof. He sounded so excited.
that's what made it so great, elena. actually, throughout the whole performance you could see how they were all in such high spirits. i wish i could go back and relive that, and start the year over.
ergo, cool idea! i'll hit your blog up soon!
Thank you so much KD. Here's something really odd: I can put weight on that leg all of a sudden. Now it just feels all tight and weird in there, swollen and wrong but the actual pain part of it has lessened a lot. And I haven't taken any of the pills.
I suppose I still need to get that MRI done. I emailed one of my trainers and she told me that most of all I should be patient and not get antsy and start doing things out of boredom. She knows me too well, I guess.
Hey, but maybe if it stays not so bad like this, I won't need the surgery and can just go the physical therapy route.
So I'm not too freaked out about the whole leg thing anymore; at least the pain is mostly gone (*knock on wood.*)
Thank you so much for asking. ^_^
VM, I think you are absolutely right about the example you're setting. that makes me so proud, and you should be, too. I know so many people who would stay in that relationship, selling out their own values and happiness, just to not stir the pot or mix their lives up. And that sets the example for their children that they should just settle for an unhappy or tense situation as well.
You should be so proud of yourself for being as strong as you are.
elena - i could have said sugar cane, but that is so dull.
The touristy reef is a couple of hrs away
Fingers crossed for you K.
Hi katherine, how are you?
and elena I'm sure there are enough bookworms here we'd love to see your bookstore!!
hello Katherine *waves*
Thanks Kapunua.
Hi Miss T, Elena, TJ, Ergo and who I missed.
The problem with complacency, is that you miss out on so many potentially positive experiences, even though you may not see it at the time.
It's almost like stagnant energy.
Katherine
http://noneventmass.blogspot.com
I want to do Mayo's World Tour
The idea is for everyone to comment on where they are from, country/state/town and I'll make a tour itinerary
Kapunua and Ergo you have both moved me to tears!
Kapunua, my sister had bad knee, loose cartilage, tendon crap, surgeries. The last time she had a floater (piece of cartilage) that caused her pain, and then it moved and her pain was gone, then it moved and her pain returned.
Her knee is shot from 2 surgeries. I feel bad and hope that your results are better!
-VM
Hey Katherine
Nice to see you
Well, Mayo, we come to the end of another day in BlogBelieve. I'd call it crazy, but that seems like too mild a term.
This week alone, we've dealt with disease, injury, death in many forms and stages, personal grief, accidents, rudeness, and now divorce. I believe Elena hit the nail on the head when she mentioned the "Mayo Curse". We're sounding more like a Stephen King or Dean Koontz novel than a group of strong, independent, fairly cheerful people.
But I remain optimistic, for in the midst of all this tragedy and pain, we've seen you emerge from your self-imposed cocoon. You've shown your compassionate, caring, gentle side, the side we always knew was still there. It's beginning to blossom again, like a rose in winter, thought to be hibernating but really only waiting for the rays of the sun.
We are truly on the Island of Misfit Toys, all of us broken and discarded in some way. Yet we remain hopeful that one day, someone will find us all and love us for who we are, not for who they expect us to be.
Goodnight, Mayo. Peaceful dreams.
love to you
J
nice words J
it has been an interesting week
have a good night
That's so sweet and true, J.
VM, I sure do hope that my results are okay, too. If I go for surgery, it will be my second one. And i have a feeling you're right: that torn piece is moving around. If I jar it again, it will get stuck once more. I'll probably have to get the damned thing removed again.
The doc that saw me today mentioned the juvenile rheumatoid arthritis thing too as a factor. So if I get that surgery they're gonna have to go digging around in there and "shaving" off pieces of bone like the last time. The only thing is if they only do one leg, what's the point? It's so weird.
SS,
Somehow, I feel in my heart that you need these words tonight.
"True Colors"
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
It's hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there
And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow
I love you, babydoll. You are beautiful to me. Always.
Goodnight--
J
Kapunua,
I am so sorry about Trisky too.
Do you have R.A.?
I only ask because my mother does and it can be quite debilitating.
VM, my mom has RA too. The coincidences on this blog are freaky!
I'm sure statistically, it's not really freaky, but you know what I mean, right?
Thanks, VM. yeah, I have juvenile rheumatoid arthritis; it's in both knees and probably wrists and elbows too, but it's the worst in the knees. It started when I was 12 which is so weird. It doesn't really even affect me TOO much except for when stuff like this happens. Most of the time I never even notice it.
my hubby's aunt has it too, hit her really badly at times
http://www.imnotokay.net/member/profile/32980/
She calls herself "shitsubou shita" and 'the protagonist.'
'The protagonist' was Mayo's term for some one on here.
You all know who Ss is, he is your friend.
So who is this girl at INO. Does she lurk here? Or is she behind this all? Is she SS?
Or could she be one of your anonymous people?
A vulture perhaps?
and she says........
''Is it true that we value in others what we want to see in ourselves, the missing piece...pieces, or peace? Who surrounds you? Why are they near? I hold dear to my heart those whose passion can find no limit, those with righteous hearts, and calloused fingers. Because I aspire to be more than I have brought to the table so far.
What is missing? I can not watch myself from a distance...it is far too painful. The awkwardness, the shuffle, gives rise to self doubt and sour bile. I rely on second hand tales and the perceptions of others to deliver me from evil. Introspection has never been my finest skill...so I challenge myself to look.
p.s. here we go, one last time...it's in the blood."
___________________ -mayo
Anonymous said...
She calls herself "shitsubou shita" and 'the protagonist.'
'The protagonist' was Mayo's term for some one on here.
Yeah, me, from what I understand.
Okay, so is it thoroughly ridiculous of me to have just gotten a little pang or possessiveness just then? O_O Who's this kid?
ANd who the hell are you?
Kapunua,
Sorry to hear that. My mom has it pretty bad in her wrists, shoulder and feet.
And yes, Star there are some freaky coincidences here.
I have run across a few other things that I have in common with some of you.
I think it is pretty cool.
I will be honest I am not all that internet savvy. I have never been to some of the other e-places that people talk about.
This place is pretty special in that there is mutual respect among those who visit. Even those (like me) who aren't around as much.
It does seem like a family. I feel pretty lucky to have found you all.
Forgive my rambling, I am emotional this evening.
-VM
wow INO copycat?
Hey, it's all right, VM. it really doesn't hold me back too much. Fairly successful dancing career and a green sash in Kung Fu, so it's all good. I'm not going to let this set me back too far. ^_^
yeah, this is a special place and I don't visit many other websites, either.
But goddamnit, I was the protagonist. I feel all defensive now.
I will post now out of fear that I won't be able to comment until another new entry.
Let me first start off by saying to all of you that I've never in my entire existence seen a group of people interact and support quite like we do. I come on here everyday and it's like I'm coming home.
Here I feel safe. It's here I feel wanted. It's here where I'm not an outcast. Here is where I belong.
You all have made this such a wonderful experience. Though topics of discussion and opinions change on a whim, we are united on one front. We're all looking for something, each of us a different thing, but we're helping our fellow friends find what it is they so desperately need.
It has honestly been my complete pleasure to be a part of this with all of you.
VM:
I am so terribly sorry for the situation you're currently trying to deal with. I know you have your daughter's best interests at heart. Don't forget about yourself during this, too. You and your daughter deserve the world.
Kapunua:
You know my thoughts are with you and Trisky. No more thanks are needed. It's all going to work out.
Toujours:
That bag lady you saw? That's not you. It will never be. We all have hurdles, and though it sucks hard, and sometimes you feel like you can't breathe, and you're completely overwhelmed with questions, and you just can't get a fuckin' answer, those hurdles make us wiser, and stronger, and better people. I know it's going to work out for you. I know it.
To both L. and J.:
I'm finding truth and strength in your words. Thank you for your wisdom. You've said it all.
MissT:
I'm still thinking about you, friskiness and all ;)
Sdock:
I honestly never thought, just like you told me you hadn't either, that I would find someone that got me, someone that understands and can be on my level. I'm so glad to have your words tucked away. Almost like a security blanket.
Elena:
Your family and their safety are weighing on my mind. I'm so glad their okay. I really am. You're such a great person and a great mom.
Jade:
Though you're tucked sleepily into your bed, thank you for your post. I always need something like that to serve as a reminder of the true reason's I've stuck around here. You were so right. I feel welcomed here and I've found my niche, too.
Mayo:
We're throwing down at your place New Years Eve. I hate New Years Eve with a passion. Too many memories come flooding back. Here, we'll get to celebrate a new year nearly every hour. Something about that excites me.
Thank you for this place and allowing us to come here and share our thoughts. I don't really know how I could ever repay you. I know I get pissed at you sometimes because you've got such a thick skull, but that doesn't detract from the fact that I thank you on a daily basis, softly under my breath. You're a good dude, Mayo. You really are.
SS:
I hope all's going well with you, my man. You know we'd love to hear how you're doing and how you're holding up. Thank you for being such a good and honest individual. We need so many more of your kind in this world. You'd kill all the bad ones with your kind words and generous heart. I envy you.
Oh my God. I know for sure I just wrote a novel.
You know it's incredibly difficult to name everyone individually. You all also know that I'm thankful for every single one of you. And not a day goes by where I don't acknowledge that. As the nice anon said in watching all of us pull together during times of hardship, we are all angels. You all are mine.
Goodnight you guys, and see you on the flip-side.
VM I am the same, I am learning as I go but the atmosphere here is nice so I'd rather hang about.
So she is ripping off Mayo. I wonder how he will react when (if) he reads that comment.
and crap mustard that was amazing and I think sums it up perfectly.
-VM
Mustard, you are so sweet and lovely.
VM, I'm sure Mayo won't mind the rip-off. But I just found it a weird quirk in myself that I got defensive over the protagonist thing. That's me damn it. ^_~
Mustard you speak the truth girl.
Love ya to pieces
Elena
http://www.journalfen.net/community/wank_report/518.html?thread=1504262#t1504262
Could this be another one of your vultures?
There is alot of hate about your family here.
Well it looks like we found out the idenity of Shit shita.
Kapunua we all know you are the one true protagonist.
No one can equal you
or your ass
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