I heard you whisper last week
your lips were pressed against my ear.
And even though the words have passed
the message is still clear.
It really meant something.
The calm one, the one with the reason…his tongue is raw with truth, and my ears bleed faith. My deft eyes claim certainty. It was well hidden between the curtain and the guillotine.
My devoted hands work tirelessly to articulate a minstrel's vow. The commission of such an act gives me a unique sense of purpose, and helps stave off the return of my old internal debate.
I am afraid to stop, my mind fraught with hindsight. Unsure if it will hold, I test the bindings.
Secure.
p.s. some speak in tides, others ride the waves in silence.
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«Oldest ‹Older 601 – 800 of 1974 Newer› Newest»Kapunua said...
Wow, okay, I can't imagine an interview like that happening and the internet not exploding with wank. And as far as Gerard has gone, and as much of an ass as he's been, I'm calling BS on that one. Newspapers and magazines surely do make up a lot of crap. Of note: The "Frank is bisexual" quote from over the summer. yeah, did NOT buy that one, either.
Night!
That interview sounds made up. It seems as if some people, especially the press, have an agenda.
It was the interview in Australia, watch it, the interviewer ask something about being romantic and he gets all embarrassed and says something about not talking about stuff like that.
I just thought it was odd behavior for such a simple question.
Oh MissT, you have no idea. Like, she tells me in detail about how her Mom clogs up the toilet with her weekly "Big One" and floods the bathroom. In detail about the toilet backing up and the cleaning process.
Best of all, how he Mom still uses a chamber pot that she has to bleach once a week.
I kid you effing not.
PJ, I don't get what you are trying to tell me? "Night?"
There is no such thing as a completely secure person. EVERYONE is insecure about something. That's what makes us human.
Some people cannot be easily lead, or assume the traits of others to feel accepted.
How did we get from talking about G-Way to talking about bowel movements? The mind boggles!
Anyway, I am asleep on my feet so I'm going to turn in. Have a good one, everyone! :)
Kapunua said...
PJ, I don't get what you are trying to tell me? "Night?"
Sorry Kapunua, some how it ended up at the top of my post.
Night, catch you tomarrow.
hugs.
PJ
she tells me in detail about how her Mom clogs up the toilet with her weekly "Big One"
can't stop laughing.
tomorrow.
see how sleepy i am.....night!
K,
PJ thought you were referring to the Australian interview where Gerard talks about crushes.
PJ,
K was talking about that Finnish "newspaper" article that I brought up.
Of course, the reports of that interview were TRANSLATED from the Finnish, so who knows what it actually said?
L always looks at Gerard's eyes in pics, and videos, and such; she says she can tell when he's lying or when he's "in there". What's bothered her so much over the last few months is that she can't see anything in his eyes. (Goes back to some of our previous discussions about using.)
So, my question is:
What's he hiding from, behind the substances and the marriage and bad behaviour?
J
Sure, everyone is insecure. Insecurities can often make a person so much more appealing.
But Gerard is just a clone of whoever he's closest with at the time, and that's sad. It's something I've never, ever understood.
But then, this is coming frm the girl who was once told by a friend that I should tattoo a Jane's Addiction lyric across my back:
No one could get control of a mind like that; move on.
That's just me, though. And I'm about as insecure as they get.
Anyway, bowel movements.
Oh, I've no doubt that Gerard isn't in there anymore. I just totally or at least, like 99% doubt that "more than cutting hair" quote from him. THe dude lacks class in every way imaginable and he is the definition of "tacky" lately, but I can't see him going that far.
Yet. He could build up to it, though.
Like Sis Midnite said of him lately, and I love this quote: "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
O_o
Goodnight RW.
Bullshit meter goes ding, Kapu. You're right he wouldn't have said anything like that. But then again he is changing faster than the direction of the wind. Who knows what he will come out with next, even his closest friends get nervous when he speaks in public now. Damage control.
Anonymous said...
There is no such thing as a completely secure person. EVERYONE is insecure about something. That's what makes us human.
Some people cannot be easily lead, or assume the traits of others to feel accepted.
Absolutely, Anonymous. Nobody's perfect. I'll be the first to admit that. I'm still insecure about my appearance sometimes, even though I like myself a whole lot more than I used to.
Frank seems to acknowledge his insecurities, and to try to deal with them in a more acceptable fashion. Gerard, on the other hand, seems not to want to accept his "faults", but simply to bury them.
Big difference, yeah?
J
Well, thanks anon. I don't know who you are. You're not any of my nice anons that I know, because those ones always call me "Kapunua," so I guess you've just found us here or something?
Anon,
Why do you think that G is saying the things he is now? What do you suppose the reason is he's changed so much? We've all kicked around a few thoughts, what's your feeling?
J
Maybe he is happy, or what his concept of "happy" is. His idea of being in love is not mine.
Maybe he was craving some form of security, and this relationship represents what that means.
But bearing in mind how intelligent he is, I assume he would be able hide things she may not even know about.
sdock said:
Mayo,
How are you tonight, my friend? Doing well, I hope. Me? I am beat down tired. Yeah, I was up at like 2am this morning. I swear I heard you whisper in my ear that you posted a new blog. That plus the fact that my neck was tied in complete knots....
So blogger is being a punk ass little bitch tonight and won't let me get in again. What the fuck? Oh well, it's just topping on a shitty ass end of the week. My situation is still basically the same. Don't know what is going to happen. Do I even care anymore? Of course I do....it wouldn't hurt if I didn't.
Mayo, I am kind of worried about you and your internal debate. Is it really a debate or something you keep running away from? See, here I go again...not knowing if I am talking about you or me here. I know what it's like to keep yourself busy with other things or people just so you don't have to stop and focus on yourself. And so we run.....and we try to fill in our empty voids with anything or anyone that we find. It works for a little while until those unsettled feelings creep back in...and we must find something or someone new. And we keep running....not realizing we are running to try and escape ourselves.
Or do we?
Will we ever love ourselves enough to fully trust ourselves?
Here's to me hoping that one day soon, we will.
Shit, I sure do miss my corner. I feel like a babble less when I'm there. Maybe I'm just sleep deprived.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. Always 20/20
Aaaand here we go with the "gay" thing again. I halfway suspect some of these anons have an agenda, too. Are you one of the same ones who came on here a few weeks ago suggesting that Jamia was lurking the blogs being pissed off because Gerard had "stolen" Frank? COME ON. Anyone can come on here and say anything.
Put your name to it and say how you know crap, or it's meaningless.
Lookit, I don't care if the guy bangs Santa Claus. He's cracking up, it's sad, he's ruining his band, that's devastating. We may never know why it's happening, mostly all we can do is watch it happen and hope it can be stopped or reversed.
It's looking pretty grim, but you never know.
Hi all I just got home and I am in the middle of catching up. But I wanted to say hi
His idea of being in love is not mine.
Mine, either, that's for sure.
Do you think he's really in love, though? I don't get that vibe at all, myself. I know that everyone sees love in a different way, but this kind of "jappy" strikes me as peculiar.
J
So anyway, what does everyone want for Crimbo? ("Crimbo" I like that a lot. I might start using that lot more.)
I already got my prezzies from my folks, but I'm hoping for Louder Now part II, and maybe a nice pair of jeans or a gift certificate to a shoe store where I could buy some sneakers or something. ^_^
What does everyone else want? And more importantly, do you think you'll get it?
Hiya, MJ, how the hell are ya? :D
Hi Martha, Hi J!
Kapu one minute you're trashing him and the next you're defending him. What the hell is on yor mind.
Hiding things doesn't mean he is gay, means he could be withholding a part of himself so the person you see, is not the "real" person.
This is not about sexuality. I'm am not here to bad mouth anyone. Just expressing a different point of view.
Oh my god, I am NOT defending him. I just don't believe every anonymous "inside source" who comes strolling into this blog which has NOTHING TO DO WITH GERARD WAY to begin with and starts acting like we all need to believe them just because, hi, they don't have a name.
That's all there is to it.
Ooooh, check it out, look at me, I don't sign my name to things. Gerard is soooo in love with Lyn Z, he is soooo gay, he and Frnak are soooo doing it, Jamia is sooooo pissed, and you will all believe me because you don't know who the hell I am!
See how easy it is?
Well anon, calling someone "gay" is hardly badmouthing them.
Hi Miss T! Hi Martha!
New Anon, are you number two? If so, could you please put that on your heading?
K, I thought you didn't "believe" in Christmas.
J
K, I know what I get from my mum and sister cos we go shopping for it together and we pick what we want. Surprises come from others in the family.
I am the second anon. My last post was 11:27
K, I thought you didn't "believe" in Christmas.
J
I don't. Does that mean I'm not allowed to get gifts?
MissTottenham said...
K, I know what I get from my mum and sister cos we go shopping for it together and we pick what we want. Surprises come from others in the family.
Yeah, that's kind of how it is with my Mom and Dad and I too. ^_^ But once in a while they will try to surprise me with stocking stuffers and things like that. 35 years old and I swear to god, my parents still put a stocking for me by their fireplace. It's the same one they've used since I was a wee lass. It's pretty cute. ^_^
Hi ops, Kapu and miss T. How the hell am I? I was pissed but than I had chocolate now I'm good.
So we have two anons in here one having a nice conversation and another trying to be a dick. I so love it when one anon tries to discredit another.
(First) Anonymous said...
Hiding things doesn't mean he is gay, means he could be withholding a part of himself so the person you see, is not the "real" person.
This is not about sexuality. I'm am not here to bad mouth anyone. Just expressing a different point of view.
I hide things, too, and I'm not gay. Sexuality doesn't enter into it at all. You can hide a lot of things BESIDES a sexual preference. Why is it anyone's business, anyway? If Gerard has some strong emotions for certain other men, does that automatically make him gay? Not in my estimation. He simply seems to be uncomfortable with showing those emotions to other people (not withstanding the stage activity).
J
MJ, so you know, that "oooh look at me" anon was ME. I'm just saying, this is how easy it is to come on here and act like you know everything. Why don't these people ever get a frigging name and, I dunno, say exactly how they know this stuff?
I see a kind of pattern here. When anons come on talking all chill and acting like they are an "inside source" people tend to believe them. But when they come on sounding like they're from Buzznet talking about how Jappy Gerard is, they get told to GTFO.
I don't see why any of us would put stock in any of these anons and take them at their word.
Vultures, remember? Being wise to the world? The one anonymous around here you can actually trust?
I am completely confused by him, he seems to be so many different people, I feel like he doesn't even know himself. He is in the process of creation. Where that leads to is anyone's guess.
I am not an inside source. Just sayin' my 2 cents
I'm still catching up. I'm at the part where you talk about the fangirls eating up the fact that Gw got his poor heart broken. So I didn't catch on that time. Anyway Even if I do catch on to it being you sometimes I will still comment as if its just an anon talking out of its ass.
Well, it'd be nice if you had an actual name and told us where the hell you came from, why you're here and why you jumped right into this conversation about Gerard Way.
Oh, wait! You've lurked from the beginning. You have either:
(check one)
1: been too shy to comment before
2: not had anything to say before
3: actually commented anonymously before.
After you answer that you can tell me why you're only commenting on Gerard Way kind of junk. Like, are we not interesting enough to talk to unless there is something to dish about some rock singer?
What's the story? It's kind of insulting.
Nice Anon,
Creation? I'm hoping for restoration, instead. Seems like he's been in the process since childhood.
But there is a quote we can use here:
"You're only given a little spark of madness. You must not lose it."
Balancing that spark with the rest of your life can be one of the hardest goals to achieve; also one of the hardest thing to keep from becoming a full-blown inferno.
Key word here: BALANCE.
J
Kapu I am the anon who thinks that your bullshit detection meter is on target. I'm sorry if you think I'm mean. I actually think you are pretty smart. i can't answer the rest of your questions but I have talked to you before, I can say that.
Here is my two cents. He is putting the new girl out front and center to get back at the last one. I think that it mostly or all aimed at that last chick and Kat is just caught in the crossfire.
As I said at the DM the other day he is so cold and detached now. He doesn't really have any of the warmth from a while back.
As far as strong woman go I think all the woman he picks are strong but not always in the right way. It seems that the woman he picks now are strong in the look at me and other things that can be seen in a negative light.
As far as these changes go from what I understand about mental disorders a lot of what he is doing now falls into the categories of depression or a personality disorder.
MJ: he is cold and detached. I agree so hard with that. The nice kind he was is gone. The strong and sincere adult gentleman he could have been is also gone.
The only thing I'm not sure of is if that "nice guy" thing was an act all along.
Anons: Thanks. But man, whatever. You all just frustrate me. Believe me, my eyes aren't going to light up just because your name isn't in blue for chrissakes.
You are not very accepting are you?
No, I am not registered with blogger, I have made previous comments as anon, and am well aware that this is not G Way.
You started to discuss Gerard earlier, I just joined in. No intention to harm. And just because I am not registered does not mean I cannot join in.
If you like to discuss something else, please do.
Anon and Nice Anon,
Please understand that we get a lot of bad-intentioned posters out of the blue. Kapunua is trying to weed out any of those types.
We have a dear friend who comes and warns us of 'vultures'. When he visits, he signs in as "Anonymous". Asking for a clarifying handle, if you will, gives us an idea if any of those new people are him, or maybe just pretending to be him.
J
So currently I'm reading Water For Elephants, the trend-book of the year it seems. My friend who is very well read said it was her favorete book.
Before that I read a bunch of short stories by Lovecraft and a bunch of short stories by Neil Gaiman.
What are all of you guys reading? And do you like it? Would you recommend it?
Anon, so why did you just join in when we started talking about Gerard? And with this attitude that you knew what the hell you were talking about any more than we did?
I guess we're not good enough to talk to when we're not talking about someone famous?
Oh, but by all means, go ahead make a token answer to my book question in order to prove me wrong. LOL, and then disappear again until the next time the subject of some crashing rock star comes up.
I'm trying to finish the second book in the Dresden Files series. Seems like it's lasting for-fucing-ever. It's good, just not flowing like I'd prefer.
J
Someone recommended that series a while back, I was thinking of looking into it.
K, if you noticed though, neither Anon claimed to "know" anything. They were simply discussing, like we all do at times.
Maybe they have a favorite author they'd like to talk about? Anons, what about it?
J
I'm starting to think that the nice guy is gone because Gw thinks that the nice guy isn't an adult way to act. Now he is all grown up and acting like an ass.
Anon we can be nice to anons at times but lately a lot of anons have been attacking people here calling them whores, hos and telling them that they will or should get raped. so we are a little gun shy.
No, that one had a tone that seemed to say, "hey check me out, I am in the know."
Anon, please don't bother yourself to answer my question. I know it can't be that interesting to you, as it is about us mere mortals. I don't need to be humored; it's cool.
At any rate I'm going to bed, so enjoy yourselves.
Mayo and SS, if either of you boys comes on, look under the tree. And remember that you are both our friends.
Goodnight, all.*
*most
I read the first book last spring, but wasn't too taken with it. But, lots of folks recommended the series, so I thought I'd give it another shot. One thing that I have trouble getting past is that the main character is a wizard. Named Harry.
Except this one's an adult.
J
That was only your perception, I never implied I was an inside source. And by the way, you may remember me as Tim, with all the Monty Python gags.
So I don't just jump in about a rock star.
Goodnight K.
Don't mind me ladies, I'm just sitting back and watching the convo.
Yeah? And it would have been so hard for you to just use that name or even give a clue as to who the hell you were?
Man, I hate that game.
Anyway, so once again, good night everyone.
Rawr?
=]
Hey Ph, you sweet little thing!
Goodnight Kapu and hello Ph
Hey Carrie, how's it going?
Hey MJ, what's up?
Goodnight everyone. Have fun.
It's going pretty good, got the Christmas shopping done (at least I think) and only have to worry about cleaning the house and cooking the assorted poor animals.
Well Kapu even though I don't have a name or account here I wanted to say I respect you. Even when you disagree with me not having a name I respect you because you don't take shit from any one. And I respect that.. Question is..... are you like thati n real life too, or just cyber space??
bewitching angel flies through blog making sure gloomy Bert ghost doesn't reappear to spoil things.
paperheartxx said...
Rawr?
=]
I am STILL laughing over this!!
How great!
Yeah, rawr.
Hey PH! Hey Carrie! Hey Tim! Do you do the "nasty, huge, pointy teeth" thing?
J
Ah ha, now see? I sometimes lurk a few minutes before going to bed, and for the third night in a row, some anon is starting the whole angel / Bert thing. WTF??
Night K, hope tomorrow is better for you.
J
Thanks J., it had better be. I'm sick of this crap.
Goodnight Miss Tottenham; Sorry we couldn't chat.
That's good Carrie. I just started X-mas shopping today. It was my first payday, and it's nearly all gone. I just need to buy something for two more friends and my sister.
Hey OPJ.
'Night K. Sweet Dreams!
And before I go (LOL, again,) let me also clarify that me having another bad day--hell, bad month--has not colored my views on anything. Bad day or not, I hate these anonymous games, I hate the way Gerard is acting, and I stand by everything I said, and what's more, I stand completely by how I said it. This "let me not take a name and see how long I can stretch this" thing is junk. The Yoda thing with saying rude, fangirlish things over Frank was junk. Nothing I said or how I said it has anything to do with what kind of mood I'm in.
Hello Carrie and goodnight miss t. Ph I am well.
On yet another note you guys must go to my Xmas blog. the link is on the gift giving blog.
Nice Anon who they sometimes call Tim....I like you.
Hello elena
Thank you Elena and hello Martha Jones
Hello kiddies. What's new on the playground?
Hey Martha. How are you?
Glad to hear that you are well MJ!
Hey Elena. =]
Hey Jennicula. =]
Hi Paperheartxx.
How are you?
Hey Elena! Haven't talked with you for a while now. How are you feeling, honey?
Miss T, I'm sorry, I forgot to say goodnight.
*pauses*
Goodnight Miss T!
PH, you seem tired. How did shopping go?
J
Hey Jennicula! I left you a note on our blog. :)
J
I am alright, Jennicula.
Have you ever had one of those days where you randomly felt very lonely and useless so you decided to eat lots of chocolate and try and stay up all night, despite the fact that you work a 8 hour shift the next day? Yeah, that's me right now.
How are you?
J, tired? Not really.
Shopping was pretty good. I got my mom a cd, a purse for my sister, the new AC/DC dvd for my dad, matching necklaces for my friends, and I still need to find something for my sister tomorrow. My first check was well spent!
Hello nice anon and Jen how are you. Elena I'm well
Paperheartxx, yes I get that way. Usually I call it PMS (or 'please munch something")
OP, I saw. Thanks. How are you guys doing? Ready for the holidays?
Why does it seem like every time I post a comment everyone disappears.
Hey Martha
Jen,
I'm hoping it isn't PMS, I just had my period last week!
Hey Paper, Jenn and J
I've been better. Probably shouldn't have gone to work today. Last check my temp is stil holding at 101. I hate being sick. Please excuse any goofs I make typing. Way too much medicine in my system.
Sometimes I can be in a crowded room and still feel lonely. Not sure why, I can even talk to a crowded room and still feel lonely. Just disconnected at times.
ummm did anyone else get a greeting card for the "mayo" family that ended up being some sort of virus?
Elena, feel better sweetie, and get lots of rest!
Elena you need to stay home and put your feet up and rest.
Hi MP, nope I didn't.
PH did you get an ecard at all today from someone called Loli?
Oh, Elena, I'm sorry you're sick. What a bummer right before the holidays.
Magic, I didn't notice a virus, but I have a Mac, so PC things don't bother me. Did you get a virus?
Hello Mp who sent the ecard?
Magic, I did, but I couldn't open it.
Yes I did.
Fuck is that a virus?
Mp isn't Loli Lolita
I thought it was from "Loli"ta Haze, and I can't remember if I could open it or not, because I actually got a couple, one from that address, and another one.
No jennicula, I unplugged my computer before it downloaded. It was from someone called Loli and it said something like "Magic, you are all the light of Mayo's house..." bah blah blah "stay gold".
Then the greeting card switched to another page and started downloading something onto my comp.
Martha, it might be
I'm on my sister's computer so I can't open it because of her pop up blocker.
I hate to rest, I hate to slow down. It always feels wrong to me. I have to keep going.
Okay I so don't wanna deal with why I think like that. I'm sure there is some deep dark reason that makes me push myself but I don't really care. That's just how I am.
hmmmmm, if it was from lolita, then why the heck did it try to download a virus into my comp? Weirdness....
Elena you need to rest. to get better
Ok, so I tried to open the greeting card again and this time, no virus downloaded.
So it does look like it's from Lolita.
Sorry for the scare everyone!
And thank you Lolita for the christmas wishes!
Elena I know what you mean, me and my dad are the exact same way.
Just get some rest, it's good for your health!
MP, that's what mine said, but I thought it was from LH?
Awwh it's okay MP. =]
Anyone still around?
Sorry I disappeared, L and I were talking.
Hi MP! Haven't seen you for awhile. You ok?
Elena, there is no such thing as "too much" medicine. ;) Seriously, I hope you can get some relief soon. Drink lots of hot tea and juice.
Jen, we're ready present-wise, but not mentally, y'know? It's like we can't get into the Christmas spirit this year. We didn't decorate the apartment, we don't really care if we get any presents.
But sometimes that happens. So we're not too concerned. :)
J
J. I get like that every few years. This year I decorated and did the good stuff. Even the years that I'm not so into the spirit, I still get a tree and only put lights on it. It's simple, but pretty. It kind of helps me get thru the holidays.
I'm still here, PH. Unfortunately, I'm getting ready to leave. :/
We went shopping today, too, we left about 3 and got home about 9. Target and Dollar Tree, then dinner and present-exchaning with our friend Sonja. All three of us were sitting at the table at Arby's trying to stay awake, it was funny. She's around our age, a little younger, but she has MS and tires easily sometimes.
What with her MS, my diabetes, and L's Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, we are quite the trio!
J
I know you all talked about it before but I just watched the Eliza video. Why do you suppose she's wearing that necklace that GW gave her? She made such a big deal out of it before. Seems kinda strange she's still wearing it. Not only that but she makes a big deal out of playing with it in the video. I just have the feeling she's about to let go with her side of the story.
Jen, we don't put up a tree anymore since Raindrop, my younger cat, broke 2 ornaments and ate a light six years ago.
He's, um, special. :)
Night to all here, we'll be back tomorrow. L's gonna post a funny Christmas-dinner-making story from a few years ago.
Sleep well, and dream of...whatever makes your heart feel good. Love you guys!
J
Sorry, I was just checking my facebook.
I think Eliza deserves to just get on with her life. And the fan girls should now leave her alone. He has made his decision.
Oh, and goodnight Mayo, I didn't speak to you earlier. Hope you had a good day and all your shopping's done.
Goodnight SS, hope you rest easy tonight.
love to both of you
J
Okay,
Paperheartxx is off to bed. Her plan to stay up all night isn't working all that great. Mayonaise; remember PACTUM SERVA<3
I'll be back tomorrow before &after work.
All my love;
- 007
goodnight Ph and Ops.
I never cared for Eliza one way or the other. I hope she keeps her mouth shut. I personally think the necklace thing you are talking about is just so people will look at her again.
toujours said...
i just tried again, and still no go. no talking. no making my good nights to mayo tonight.
i hate this.
i'm going to go now, and take care of other stuff.
good night every body.
maybe, if someone wanted to, could you copy this next bit over at mayo's for me? thank you.
mayo,
just a little note tonight, folded up and slipped into your house by a kind family member. i'm out in the cold again, and unhappy about it.
i was thinking about your post today, and wondering why it bothered me last night. i realized i was actually a little cross with you when i wrote my good night. (just a tiny bit) i don't know why i had that reaction, but maybe it's because it seems like there's so much you're trying to say, and most of it is all tangled up underneath your words. it's confusing.
but i believe in your strength and in your essential quality, mayo. you'll figure this out. you'll make it through. i don't have to understand what you're saying to believe in you. it's heart, not head.
good night to you, mayo, and the best of dreams.
December 21, 2007 11:00 PM
I guess everyone has gone to bed.
Is there anyone out there?
Hello
Hey Martha.
How are you?
And to be yourself is all that you can do, yeah
(all that you can do)
Hey, be yourself is all that you can do
Even when you paid enough
Been pulled apart or been held up
Every single memory of the good or bad
Faces of luck
Don’t lost any sleep tonight
I’m sure everything will end up alright
You may win or lose
But to be yourself is all you can do, yeah
To be yourself is all you can do
Hello ep I'm alright and you
Sorry about that entropy hello and how are you?
Entropy are you still there?
Hiyo Blog Family!!
I love you all like crazy!
Mayo Darling!!
I love you!!
Yeah-aha!
-Amyranth has had A beer.
Mayo.
Something I said earlier struck a chord in my mind. It's taken me this long to figure out why. I could claim it's because of all the medicine but truth be told I'm just a bit slow I fear. I was talking about being sick and so many nice people told me to slow down and take it easy. My immediate response was I can't. I can't slow down, I won't let myself. I know why. I'm afraid the "other" me will catch up. The me I left behind. I hate her and everything she ever was. I don't ever want to be that me again. So I keep running, never slowing down.
You wrote you are afraid to stop. Why are you running? Are you also running from yourself? Or in your case it almost sounds as if you've stopped running and instead have settled for what you think is right. You've convinced your heart and soul that you've tired them down because it's right. The bindings may be secure but still your heart wants to soar.
Goodnight Mayo, sleep well.
Hi amy
Goodnight elena
Martha, I'm good.
Thanks.
So entropy what is going on with you?
Nothing much. It's been pretty monotonous.
You have big plans for the holidays?
Usually the family goes over to my aunt's house but she has a new man in her life. I have not met him but my sister has and from what she has been telling me about him I don't think I will go this you.
do you have any plans?
/
/
Nah. Nothing for me.
Hope you still have a good time this year,though.
I'll find something to do. anything you want to talk about?
I'm going to head to bed. It's pretty late and I got alot of stuff to do tomorrow.
Sorry to leave you alone in here.
Hope to talk to you tomorrow.
Night Martha!
Night Mayo!
Night SS!
Everyone have a good night.
And if you stay right here
When I'm telling you
'Cause someone out there loves you
Stay right here
When I'm telling you
That someone out there loves you
No one out, no one out there?
Is there no one who, no one who cares?
And is there no one out, no one out there?
Is there no one who, no one who cares?
Good evening or morning...
Anon, what you got on your mind?
Night entropy and hello Mya and anon
Mya, anon, mayo and SS Goodnight
Sorry, Martha! Didn't mean to ignore! I left the computer after posting my comment!
Sorry!
Wow, big G-Way convo tonight... and as usual, I missed it.
The only thing I have to add is that he looks empty in all of the semi-recent pics. He used to have this wonderfully expressive face -- now, he just looks tired. Which is understandable: hello, touring for a year and a half? But where has the light in his eyes gone? You'd think he was newly dead rather than newlywed. (Kapunua, I see that you've put my lil' expression to good use. ^_^) As angry as some of his verbals make me, I still feel bad for him sometimes. Mostly, I find myself debating whether I'd rather shove a boot up his ass or hug him & tell him to believe in himself. It varies, depending on my mood and the interview of the moment.
Y'know, one thing that really blows about this time of year is that free time dwindles to almost nil. There's so much stuff to do, and it seems like there's never enough time to do it!
I won't be around a lot tomorrow during the day, I have Christmas with my father tomorrow. But you can bet your asses I'll be looking for you guys when I come home. :\
I'll be adding my gifties the prezzie blog tomorrow night, too.
Mayo, SS, family, I hope all your stars are shining as brightly for you as you all shine for me.
Good night, catch you guys tomorrow noches! ^__^
Hope everything goes okay Sister M, catch you on the morrow.
Hello and goodbye Mayo, i'm not stopping, just nipped in to use your facilities :)
Catch you later!
Hello, I just wanted to say to Mr. Mayo although I do not believe this will be read, I still feel the need to type it. I know so few people who's 'tongues are raw with truth', whether or not you want to hear it (I think you do And don't, cannot blame you there), I very much envy the fact that you have people around you still that want to be truthful with you and care for you. I have people that care but no one that can give me truth, reason and purpose together and blatant. I understand where people are coming from but I do not understand why, nor do I understand their contradictory behavior at times. I long for faith and cling to the falseness that it sometimes screams at me. As much as I doubt, I cannot let it go. This is greatly why I come here. Blind and hopeful faith. I do not know if you or anyone for that matter is worthy of such foolishness, but I would lay down and die for someone to prove it so-and for anyone. I hope you are at least well and trying -to achieve whatever it is that you are looking/fighting/avoiding for, that does go for everyone who comes in here as well. This really is a family in here. I hope whomever you are Mayo, you appreciate their care an faith in you -that they exude so greatly everyday. I am not saying you do not, I am just trying to convay that it is rare and should be apprciated. I do hope you are well. Goodnight, -L.
P.s. I was not the anonymous poster previously spouting lyrics. I do like speaking in lyrics but I have a name and will post so under My Name. If blogspot will ever let me.
Good morning everyone, I stayed last night and had a ball on here.
My best friend is here, and her and the kids went out last night.
How is everyone?
hello all!
hello mayo!
hello SS!
just popping my nose in to say hello and now back out again to crack on with the christmas stuff that needs to be done!!
seems never ending!!
Others will benefit if you broaden your horizons tonight.
The canonized that bring hope gather at the Lamb of God.
If you can, please join the procession.
It begins in New Jersey and ends in Mozambique.
Thank you.
OK Mayo!
Just you and me, and you know me, this is going to be a long one.
I liked your post, I still believe you are fighting with yourself about what you have done to your life.
The way i read it, you have done something and you are not sure if it is what you want....but o' well, your stuck with it now, so why not just settle for what you have.
My ex-husband was in a band on tour...don't ask!
It is a hard life, not glamorous like people think it is, lets face it, when sleep is the most important thing and a bath and sex is second and third in your life, not so glam is it.
When you meet someone in those conditions, and i did, i found someone who had the same common ground and background as me.
I did not think, i just jumped into the fire, thought i was in love, had fun, had sex, jumped into a marriage on the spur of the moment, and i was on the top of the world.
I'm not going to bore you with my divorce.
Don't settle for what you have done, you will be just a shell of the person you are, if you try to settle.
You can play the happy in love person, and lie to everyone but yourself, and in the end it will not only hurt you, but those around you.
I guess i was lucky, we both came off the road to a life we knew nothing about, tried to make it work to save face, but found out our dream was just a dream, he was dealing with alcohol and drugs, and i was trying to find out if i was gay, straight or bi.
We just set down one day and discussed it, cried, laughed and said to hell what others thought, admitted we where both too fucked up for marriage and called it what it was.
We still keep in touch, he is still an ass hole but happy, i accepted i am bi, and i love being who i am, and i know it's only going to get better, every day is a beginning.
So Mayo, settle in, settle for what you have, but ask yourself if this is what you want, cause you only have one chance to live, live it being who you are, inside and out, that is true happiness!
I am still waiting on that special person, but in the back of my mind, is the thought, did i pass him/her by, while i was trying to settle for what i had, in a marriage that was not meant to be.
Think Mayo, but i believe you already are thinking.
Luv ya
pj
Morning Mayo
Love the gray sweater with the band of Christmas lights. Very stylish.
Have a good day. Life's to fucking short not to try to make it good.
Happy Solstice to anyone who may celebrate it! I have shopping, gift-wrapping and then a lovely party tonight. What fun! What's everyone else doing?
P.S.
OK Mayo!
Just you and me, and you know me, this is going to be a long one.
That's what he said.
Good morning Kapunua, I was just rambling till someone came in here.
I love it when you are here, but sadly i have to leave now, but will be back tonight....so do not start any debates with out me...lol
hugs,
PJ
LOL, no worries PJ, I am off to do all and sundry. Well err, not do all and sundry but I guess I should say, uhh, "accomplish things." Yeah.
Mayo and SS, if you float through these halls anytime today, know that there are 44 prezzies under our tree now.
Seriously, how the hell did this happen? ^_^
Hey OP, I've been fine, thanks for asking.
I've just been very busy. Tis the season to work like a dog and make plans with everyone!
Anyone around right now?! =]
Hya darl', I'm around but I'm going to be running off again. I have to make a t shirt for my god(dess)daughter. They don't sell Phoenix Wright t shirts anywhere so I have to make one for her. O_o GOod thing I am crafty like that.
You know Phoenix Wright? She keeps trying to get me to play it, but I don't even have a DS. I FAIL. ^_^
Hey K!
(sorry for the delay, I'm playing a game)
Whose Phoenix Wright?
Well,
I'm only able to comment right now because I'm at my office sealing up a freakin' DVR from Dish mothereffin' Network that doesn't WORK!
Anyway,
Mayo, if you don't come back around until after the holidays, I hope you check out your presents. I also hope you have a lovely Christmas. Hugs and kisses to you.
SS,
You know very well you are never gonna be able to make it until Christmas!!! Sneaky, sneak. BTW, Mustard said to be careful sniffin' around. Some of those were meant for nasty anons and they are kind of smelly.....O_O
You are too cool for words, ya know? Hugs and kisses to you, of course!!!
Toodles to everyone for now,
XOXO,
S&V20
P.S. - BLOGGER YOU SUCK MAJOR ASS!!!
We love you, SS! Are you really gonna wait till christmas? I said I was going to, but I didn't. ^_^ I'm a prezzie whore like that. I fail at patience.
PH, Phoenix Wright is that video game on DS where the characters are lawyers and you play at court. She swears by it, says it's the best DS game ever.
Hey Princess whaddup?
Man, I should get to wrapping. I need to print this t shirt design, but my effing printer broke! >_< Damn and blast.
Hey S&V! Haha enjoy your day! =]
*HUG*
That game does sound interesting K! I usually just play Mario games and other games like that. I really hope that your god daughter likes the shirt!
I didn't notice what SS's location was, so I kind of confused myself when I read peoples comments about him sniffing presents.
Mayo,
Ummm, bet you're having a hard time finding my name in pretty blogger blue right now because blogger is punkass little bitch who sucks ass shit. Anyways, just wanted to say good morning, and good afternoon to ya.
Hope you are having a most excellent day dude!
Don't forget to check out your pressies!
Love to YOU Always,
S
SS,
Be careful shaking those presents...you might get your hands popped if you keep trying to figure out what they are.
...just kidding, I'm a shaker too.
Love ya!
S
Family,
I'll be hanging next door at the cabana. Find me...
ph,
Hugs to infinity and back and back and around and back again!
Sdock, I have too many hugs to name for you! *HUG*
Sdock, so good to read you! ^_^ Hope all is well m'dear.
PH, I used to be a Mario fan, the early games. These days I'm mostly into Zelda games, a few Final Fantasy (VII is my favorite,) and stuff like Soul Calibur, DDR, Guitar Hero, and that kind of stuff. I cannot WAIT for Super Smash Bros! That one is going to rock the house!
Sdock, I have too many hugs to name for you! *HUG*
I've never played Guitar Hero!! I think my dad wanted to buy it for me for Christmas, but I told him not to. Zelda is a fun game as well, but I've never played Final Fantasy.
Paper - You really should try Guitar Hero it is so fun!
Hey Elena!
I really really want to! I think I'm going to buy it with my next paycheck!
How are you today?=]
I'm actually feeling a bit better today. How are you?
How's the job?
Guitar Hero is fun, but I suck so badly at it. My cousin Spencer, he pretty much owns at it. He could be one of those guys who does Guitar Hero professionally, like enters contests and wins money. He could totally do that.
PH, there never has been and never will be another game like FFVII. It's very hard to find anymore, though. I'm just about to lend it to my co-worker who was just a wee lass when it came out and missed the birth of the fandom.
Ahhh, FFVII, how i love thee. :D If you can find it, or rent it, or borrow it, you absolutely must. It's like, life-changing.
I'm sorry, but I just had to post this somewhere and I've already been banned from every MCR fansite in existence.
I just watched the interview where Mikey was asked the question about his feelings on other bands dissing MCR and Gerard wouldn't let him answer the question, saying that Mikey had no comment. He followed that up by getting angry and saying how MCR was a "great band" about three or four times.
I've said this other places but no one listens to me. The man has serious psychological issues. In addition to probably being bi-polar, I think he suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I was married to a guy like that for years and I know what I'm talking about.
A person with narcissistic personality disorder:
Reacts to criticism with feelings or rage, shame, or humiliation
Takes advantage of others to achieve own goals
Has feelings of self-importance
Exaggerates achievements and talents
Is preoccupied with fantasies of success, power, beauty, intelligence, or ideal love
Has unreasonable expectations of favorable treatment
Requires constant attention and admiration
Lacks empathy
Complications:
Relationship and family problems
Alcohol or other drug dependence
I don't think there's any help for the guy as long as he has stupid fangirls who are willing to give him the adoration he craves and I feel so sorry for anyone he gets involved with: Kat, Eliza, Lyn-z and whoever is next.
That's very good to hear, Elena. =]
I'm alright, feeling better myself.
The jobs going pretty good. I got my first paycheck yesterday, which is all gone now. I have to work 8 hours today.
Anon: We know. First: understand that this is not Gerard's blog. Most of us are (or were) MCR fans, but the guys from MCR do not write these blogs. Mayo said so himself, so you have it from the source.
PapherHeart, I got myself all enraptured with FFVII again and I even had to change my icon, at least for today. ^_^
Wow. Your cousin sounds like a Guitar Hero god Kapunua!! I really must play FF someday. Everyone says it is really good, but I have yet to play it!
DHMCIA, what interview is that?
Gosh, now I really really want to try to play Final Fantasy! I know I'd suck, but if it's fun then that's okay!!
My comment was not directed toward any of you.
I don't believe that this is Gerard Way's blog. I'm just pissed off and ranting.
I miss the way I used to feel about the band. I realize now that the Gerard I used to admire was a complete fake and that makes me angry.
I guess I'm just feeling like I was played for a fool... again.
I am off for work. I'll be back after I am off, so around 11 pm blog time?
All my love;
- 007
Anonymous @ 9:26 AM
Thank you so much for the invite! I may be running a bit late, so would you please be a dear and order the ravioli for me and a nice glass of wine also?
Merry Christmas to you and yours!
donthatemecozimanon (wow gotta figure out how to shorten that). Your comments are welcome here. You are welcome to stick around and chat with us anytime you like. We chat about MCR and lots of things. I totally understand you having trouble voicing your opinions about MCR at different sites. The video you talk about was troubling for me to watch. GW looked so lost at the end. Like his mind went on overload.
If you'd like to stay and chat with us that's fine. Just know we are a crazy bunch who talk about a lot of strange things.
hello guys!
hello mayo!
hello SS!.......just for the record SS i want to tell you i love you! just for damn well being you!! i fucking do!! sweet, witty, clever! ok enough praise! don't you damage any of those gifts mind!!
guys i,unlike SS,have had a good old nose at the gifts, i didn't have much time to before as it took me 3 fucking years to do my linking shit or whatever you call it!
anyway thank you so much everyone for the lovely gifts you are all so kind and generous!
i am repeating this everywhere so you get the message.
I am on aim, if anyone feels froggy...
Kapunua,
Are you here?
Hello ladies, Mayo,SS.
Just McLurking and catching up....will be back properly later. Friends are coming over to do the pressie thing before we all drift off to family gatherings.
K, I noticed you your growing love for the word 'chrimbo', thought you might like this. And everyone else too, of course!
Wishing you all a Proper Chrimbo!
I thought it was from "Loli"ta Haze, and I can't remember if I could open it or not, because I actually got a couple, one from that address, and another one.
Just in case anyone missed this from last night, there is definitely a virus attached to that ecard. I clicked on the link, but while the card was loading my antivirus intervened & bitch-slapped the thing into oblivion.
It may be LH innocently sending us a card, not knowing about the virus. Or it may be some jerk trying to damage our computers.
Just be aware.
Thanks, RW! I just checked my email and I did see that one, but as always, hesitated to open it. I will delete it.
Hi all, Mya no need to apologies for last night. When there is less than five people in here stuff like that happens.
Good call, Mya. I hesitated too, but opened it anyway. I should have just gone with my gut instinct & trashed it.
I'm on and off, Mya, what's up. :D
Dei Gratia, thanks! I will watch that later; right now I am wrapping gifts and chasing a destructive crow through the house. :D
Anon@9:26 wha? I missed something.
Hi RW and Mya
I opened the card from Loli, but I couldn't download the attachment. I don't know if it did anything.
I have a Macbook, and nothing's gotten me so far.
If you've got a Mac, Star, you're probably safe. Most viruses aren't made to infect Macs.
Kapunua,
Email me or aim me, please.
Thanks, RW! I hope so!
Kapunua, the message from anon @9:26 was confusing to me too.
Hello to anybody I missed.
I got it
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