I have never been careful…far too boring. Starting fires and playing with matches, perhaps. But I assure you, I will not burn down my own house. It is comfortable and my friends know where to find me.
I have opened up my rental on the other side of town...I may be there for a while. It is quiet, not that I mind a good party now and again.
It is a peaceful coalescence that I desire.
p.s. with all the finger pointing I can barely hear you anymore.
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702 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 601 – 702 of 702After carefully reading comments left on my blog and my emails, I noticed that several hints were given about this entire mess. I want to thank all those that supplied the hints… really, without you I wouldn’t know who the real liars were. Odd that so many were drawn to me or went so far as to accuse me with being Mayo. Remember my reply? “I wouldn’t play with people, I am just me..” You said you appreciated my honesty.
At least I get to walk away knowing I was honest.
(Shared not for the masses but for my own sanity.)
AIP I really wish you wouldn't walk away. It just sort of feels like the forces of evil win if we leave. Many of us were here for pure reasons. Friendship being one of the biggest reasons. I hate to think that has to be lost.
I am hoping that none of you will walk away.
Please stay.
I would stay Elena & Sdock10, but I'm going to the London to see MCR and I'm not going to be near a decent computer for a coupla days.
I love the 'forces of evil'!
Hey Kass,
You promise to come back though, right?
We must have a concert review and play by play.
I hate the game and only wish to be around a small fraction of the team lately. I was lied to by so many of them. They probably couldn’t defend the things they said to me. Luckily, I’m not two faced and don’t go out of my way to cause trouble. They know who they are and they also know how well my venom can be spewed. If only I were like them…
You do know that this blog here is not the only way to communicate. Leave word elsewhere and I, for one, would gladly visit. (I’m a grown up woman who enjoys emotional, honest conversation.)
Words of wisdom, AIP!
I feel sorry for misstottenham and her striker-themed breasts not being around. At least I get to witness both the concert and the meltdown here.
Sdock10,
As Arnie would say, "I'll be back!"
Curious as a cat,
To forgive is divine, after all, and I'm a frickin' goddess...
See you all around!!
Love,
Kass xx
And I am back to talking to myself again. Again I talk and talk and talk. Talk, but for who? Who do I pour my soul out to? To all of you, to me, to him? Him because I won't call him by name. Names are meaningless anyway. Any way you look at it. It has become our special place. Place for all to come and spill. Spill their words and their tears. Tears of happiness and tears of sorrow. Sorrow for many different reasons. Reasons are unimportant. Unimportant because they are forever changing. Changing is what I am doing. Doing my best to make myself better. Better than what I was yesterday. Yesterday is done.
Written for me and you, about you and me...me, myself and I.
Do you hear me? Do you see me? Can you feel me? Am I piercing you with my gaze? Is it burning a hole in your soul?
p.s. Slipping into sanity
remember this?
I will give you a hint...leech.
If you consider my intention was to assemble you here, and then rip you apart, merely to revel in your dichotomy...well then, you have not heard me at all. I will not strike the match, but you hold the bucket. Is it full of water, or shit?
my answer: it is full of SHIT.
I'm only human, kass. There's hardly any divinity in me! Looked for it, couldn't find it, though. Sorry!
p.s. Slipping into sanity
Rather quickly, I might add.
Well, I tend to slip back and forth between the sane and the insane.
Perhaps, that's why I stay lost.
I will go now and create my own space! I will be on my own there, but I will at least know immediately when I'm going to betray myself! Or not?
hi and nice afternoon/evening :)
someone here?
It is a blessing to be lost.
The joy is in the search.
The find is disappointing.
I need to go away now before I say too much.
sdock said - It has become our special place. Place for all to come and spill. Spill their words and their tears. Tears of happiness and tears of sorrow. Sorrow for many different reasons. Reasons are unimportant. Unimportant because they are forever changing. Changing is what I am doing. Doing my best to make myself better. Better than what I was yesterday. Yesterday is done.
I don't think you need to change a thing. You are a kind, gentle soul. Anyone who thinks there is something wrong with that is just jealous. Don't change and don't forget the true meaning of this place.
Thank you, Elena, thank you for that.
Hello all that are here and bye to all that have left.
hello everyone. What's going on? drama with BC? O.o
V
But it's all in past tense now.
Mustard,
How did you get that fucking knot untied?
huh?
It came undone by itself last night.
Sorry, I thought it would be tight enough.
This untying has nothing to do with faith in the band, just as an FYI.
Mustard,
You are not going anywhere. Come back here and let me retie.
deliver me from the man who never makes a mistake, and also from the man who makes the same mistake twice.
There is nothing wrong with making mistakes. Just don't respond with encores
to err is human to forgive divine
you get the idea
m.
hi m. how are you? long time no see.
well normally people learn from their mistakes, or?
hi everybody. just going to catch up. hope your all well
hi fimble how are you? *hugs*
i am fine thank you pixie hugs. how are you. have you herd from miss t yet?
Right well i would just like to say sorry to anyone that feels that i have betrayed them.
I found the alternate universe by reading through comments on one of mayo's earlier posts on this blog. I read something about mayo having another blog but he deleted it so i just did the google search thing cached page that we learnt back at the beginning for ss.
I wouldnt say it was a community over there. Id post everytime mayo posted but that was pretty much it, i came over here to chat with you all. I really didnt realise that i would be branded a traitor. No one was specially selected to go to the alternate universe. I think we all just found it by reading the clues in the mayo blogs and using the cached google thing.
Mayo himself said something about he wanted everyone of you non anonomous people to go over to his blog.
What i never thought about is why mayo didnt just block anonymous on this blog?
I went to the alternate universe just with the sole purpose of writing nice things for mayo or advice i felt i could give him, thinking it would be heard over the 1000's of posts here. I only wanted to help him, i didnt want to play a part in the community here breaking down.
I hope you believe me. I am truly sorry if i have caused anguish for anyone because of this.
Now im thinking mayo is playing us.
Im not sure how this makes me feel but this is all beginning to seem like some spotty nerds social science project.
I admit i did wrong in not telling anyone but i thought you would all find it anyway i mean at the time i found it i didnt have time to be here as much as i do now and i found it by skimming through comments and putting 2 and 2 together.
I will accept any blame, anger etc you through at me but id like to say i really do like you people if i am no longer welcome anymore i will step down.
I truly am very sorry.
I am also a little dismayed at the complete look over mayo has recieved over his project? if thats what it is of course.... i pray it isnt but its starting to smell fishy in here.
Forgiveness is not something you do for the person who made the mistake. You forgive for yourself, so you can heal and move forward.
jep miss t is fine, should be here in 10min she´s catching up at the mo :)
m,
It is not the mistake but the ignorance attached to it that is difficult to forgive.
Ever heard "Fool me once..."?
Plenty of quaint phrases can be shared, none will heal.
I gave you a piece of my heart in these posts. I want it back. You don't fucking deserve a piece of me.
Forgiveness is not something you do for the person who made the mistake. You forgive for yourself, so you can heal and move forward.
Yes. I like this.
I like this:
Plenty of quaint phrases can be shared, none will heal.
And this, too:
I gave you a piece of my heart in these posts. I want it back. You don't fucking deserve a piece of me.
"Im not sure how this makes me feel but this is all beginning to seem like some spotty nerds social science project."
something like that came to my mind as well ast night after I left. the movie "the wave" came to my mind. does anyone know that movie? we had to watch it really often at school...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wave_%28book%29
Jenn,
I know you feel hurt, but I feel we all see everything in time. Just give it time.
We're all here for each other too, remember?
You didn't just give your heart to Mayo. You gave it to all of us.
sdock10 said...
'Forgiveness is not something you do for the person who made the mistake. You forgive for yourself, so you can heal and move forward.'
exactly,
as always a voice of reason,
thank you.
m.
Hey Mustard, don't go slipping away. There are people here who are real. I consider you a close friend. Please stay.
And just as that wall was beginning to be torn down, bricklayers came in and built it back up with undemolishable mortar.
m.
I'm so glad to talk to you again.
Thank you, my friend.
Love,
S
Mustard,
YOU are not going anywhere. Do YOU hear me?
I will NOT let YOU!
I'm still here, aren't I?
Awwh, so you will stay with me?
Pretty please?
I am not good at yelling and using brute force.
pixie (lonely_one) said...
"Im not sure how this makes me feel but this is all beginning to seem like some spotty nerds social science project."
something like that came to my mind as well ast night after I left. the movie "the wave" came to my mind. does anyone know that movie? we had to watch it really often at school...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Wave_%28book%29
November 14, 2007 5:48 PM
hi pixie i have never heard of it i will check it out though. This is all really sad today and im so sad tha i played a part in it. Im disgusted with myself that i didnt realise how all this would affect the people and place i have cometo love.
This is a complete comedown from the concert last night
Jennicula said...
'I gave you a piece of my heart in these posts. I want it back. You don't fucking deserve a piece of me.'
a gift indeed, please remember the people that cherished it,
and gave you a piece of themselves back.
m.
I told myself I was not coming back. I am all mixed up and I do not have time to find the answers.
I see everyone here has there own little secret places. As much as I would love to go and disect all of it; I do not have the time.
I wish I had the time to read all of your blogs and make comments. It makes me sad because I feel as though I have missed out on solidifying a place here.
Since uncovering truth is impossible for me, all I can do is trust. And sometimes in life that just is not enough. In fact it usually leaves me wounded, but I do it again and again.
I was never a major contributor here and doubt that I have had any type of impact. I admire all of you for your words and wisdom. For that I am forever thankful.
Just as my life always tends to be, I have my hand on the pulse, but never tight enough to squeeze. Good at a lot of things but not a master of one thing.
Basically I do not know how much longer I can invest in this/watch all of you invest in this and see nothing in return. And by return, I mean a change. A change in this person's life. A glimpse of hope that all of this was not just some game. That there was some meaning behind all of this - and we are not just these roleplayers. I am living breathing person as are all of you. Most of the time this Mayo person seems to be an evil entity sucking the life out of all of us. I wonder if he even has a conscience.
I am trying to hang on, but my grib is loosening. In the end will it matter? Probably not.
SS, if you are around - I am still thinking about you. Always will be.
I like this as well:
Basically I do not know how much longer I can invest in this/watch all of you invest in this and see nothing in return. And by return, I mean a change. A change in this person's life. A glimpse of hope that all of this was not just some game. That there was some meaning behind all of this - and we are not just these roleplayers. I am living breathing person as are all of you. Most of the time this Mayo person seems to be an evil entity sucking the life out of all of us. I wonder if he even has a conscience.
And hell if I know what to do about it.
Leech.
anima,
Your voice has always been heard. There are none here louder than the others. It is so important that you stay, but stay for yourself and no other reason. We can all help and heal each other here. I promise. Just give it another chance.
Give us another chance.
Shitsubou Shita says:
Abandon hope, all who enter here...
What the fuck happened? Why didn't I see this coming?
I made a point to keep out of it this time, but at what cost? It sucks to be trapped between a rock and a hard place, it's a lose/lose situation.
I've always been honest with you, shouldn't that work both ways? What's with the double standards? People are starting to notice. I'm not talking about kids, I'm talking about people in their mid 20's and 30's. People with life experience who can see the cracks starting to show.
What am I supposed to say? I just dont have the answers. How can I reassure them when I need reassurance myself?
Faith, Hope, and Love
That's how.
Wow, the tone in here has totally changed since I last logged on several days ago :/
Not sure what's going on. Are people mad at Mayo for some reason?
How?
To always have faith in things that are greater than you. To have faith that the path you've chosen is the right one.
To believe the music that is lining the path is truth, not the gospel, but just truth.
That's how I got and am getting through.
So, I guess that's how.
hi rw how are you?
jep the tone changed, when I came back last saturday everyone was confused because of some anons and I had no clue what was going on. and at the moment I don´t really know what to say, so I´m staying quiet...
RW,
I don't even know if all that has happened can be explained or is worth explaining.
http://its-miraclewhip.blogspot.com
Explains much...
I agree with Anima - exactly.
All this new secretive stuff sucks.
I have actually been around since Day #1 - actually before Mayo's first post...
So glad that I made such a MF great impression!
we would prefer if you didn't give the url out, aip.
Hello to my friends, you know who you are.
First let me say that I did throw down a little on BC last night. But hell, that's what happens when someone fucks over my friends. I have never trusted her, not even from the beginning. I still think she is the primary force behind this thing.
Who knows, I might be completely fooled as well. However, there are little niggly feelings I have that make me think Mayo was trying to warn us instead of trying to hurt us.
If I'm wrong, I'm wrong, and I'll go.
I still want to give Mayo a chance to explain before that.
My faith has been tested a few times over the past couple of weeks, and the last time it happened, luckily for me I got a big renewal of that faith from an unexpected source. Basically, I'm gonna go back to listening to my gut and my heart. My eyes aren't the best in the world anyway, why should I rely on them? Bifocals are a bitch. :)
Shame In Me said,
Mayo himself said something about he wanted everyone of you non anonomous people to go over to his blog.
What i never thought about is why mayo didnt just block anonymous on this blog?
This is one of my points. Why go through all this elaborate fucked-up intrigue shit that he knew would cause mayhem and division among us? If he wanted us all together, why kill off half of us? He told us last night that he wants a "peaceful coalescense"--for us to be a whole. Not little pieces here and there. So in order to achieve that, he dumps all the vocal people and keeps the ones who kiss his ass? Hell, how many times has SDock been accused of telling him what he wants to hear? She was excluded from the other blog. SDock, I in no way think you tell Mayo what he wants to hear. You simply tell him what you're feeling, about yourself, about him. What's wrong with that?
J
anon at 6:07
its a little late for that don't you think ?
Welcome back RW and Mya.
The link? Who the hell cares anymore Anon? It's on two other blogs as well, plus it's floating around in emails.
That "secret" is shot to hell now. No need trying to keep it hidden.
Thank you for those words, J.
They mean so much.
Faith, Hope, Love
Until....
Hi Mustard, hi Sdock, hi M.
Sdock, thank you. My friends here have been wonderful. None of you have done anything wrong. All of you. Even those that had secret places or maybe didn't tell the whole truth. There is nothing to forgive, there is nothing to say sorry for.
All I ask is for people to take notice and make a change. [Mayo especially]
hi to everyone who showed up now ;)
First off, who the hell is “we”?
“We” do not speak to “me” so… “see”?
Incredibly lame but it worked.
And the URL is all over the page… I saved RW a search.
I do not leave people out of open conversation.
anon at 6:07
BC ?
Sorry I missed you Anima and Pixie.
Hello to both of you.
just dont want hateful anons to lurk over there. so stop posting it!!
Oh sorry I did not say hi to everyone else. AIP, Pixie, J, RW, Mya.
"So glad that I made such a MF great impression!" Mya, I know how you feel.
It is ashame, that Mayo takes all of this for granted. All of us for granted.
Hi Pixie :)
I'm fine, still in England. The MCR show I'm going to is tomorrow night. I brought my costume with me but, frankly, I'm not sure if I'm actually going to wear it. What with Bob being injured & out of this tour, Frank leaving, and all the ongoing garbage with Gerard/MSI, I'm just not feeling it, you know?
hi mib, I´m here since an hour maybe, just stayed quiet since some time, don´t really know what to say...
Hi Anima :)
Thanks for the link, AIP :) I already had it, but I appreciate the thought.
oh I can understand you so good rw, I was at the show in germany last tuesday, don´t let me start again with my waffling... it was just weird... also with frank still there, he looked so tired that evening and nearly never left his spot :(
Anonymous said...
just dont want hateful anons to lurk over there. so stop posting it!!
anons can't post there anyway.
"Anonymous said...
just dont want hateful anons to lurk over there. so stop posting it!!"
Why should we care?
just dont want hateful anons to lurk over there. so stop posting it!!
Is it your blog, anon? Why not just disallow anonymous comments?
just dont want hateful anons to lurk over there. so stop posting it!!
A little late for that.
The link is everywhere including the Discuss Mayo blog.
What's there to hide anymore.
Let me add some lyrics to this:
I know this hurts, it was meant to
You're secret's out and the best part is it isn't even a good one.
Fuck it if you like them. Words on a page is all it is.
I hear you, Pixie. I'm wondering how the show is going to go tomorrow. I mean, basically they're touring now with only half their band. Almost seems like they should just cancel.
Did Miss T go to their show last night? Any news on how that went?
I'm sorry you aren't feeling it RW. This is kinda a rough patch this whole fandom and the band is going through.
I can imagine it would be very different.
Try to go and have a good time.
I shall post what I want, where I want. That is my right.
If a blog is to be protected from the anonymous, that is the responsibility of the owner.
Again... all I did was save time for someone obviously left out. Oh, that's right! You don't care...why should I?
"So in order to achieve that, he dumps all the vocal people and keeps the ones who kiss his ass? Hell, how many times has SDock been accused of telling him what he wants to hear? She was excluded from the other blog."
nobody was excluded, nobody was invited from what i can gather you just had to find it through the clues that was left. Im not special i dont have much to say im sure mayo would have prefered sdock to find the alternate universe instead of me
You understand?
Thanks, MIB, I will try. I'm sure I'll enjoy it once I get into it.
So... any new news on the band? I'm kind of out of touch.
what exactly is the discuss mayo blog? is this another secret blog?
Nothin' RW.
Still no news on Frank. Bob I assume is still the same.
Nothing but rumors about why Frank had to leave.
The usual shit.
rw miss t went to the show last night and she should be here soon, she´s catching up at the mo :)
New Mayo post, by the way...
Shame in me-
*sigh*
Discuss Mayo has a URL posted several times throughout this very blog.
Miracle Whip did not until exposed.
Think for a moment…
miracle whip...
Shame in me said...
Hey your secrets safe with me ;) haha
October 17, 2007 9:34 AM
Shame in me said...
Yeah here is much better, i like secrets though haha, the other blog lost its magic
when loads of people found out.
October 18, 2007 5:39 AM
No one was excluded huh?
Anonymous said...
just dont want hateful anons to lurk over there. so stop posting it!!
Oh damn that's too bad. Sorry you're little secret is out. Oh wait we are supposed to deal with them right? I'm giving you a sign. Too bad you can't see it.
Hello Anima, RW, Mib, Queen, Pixie, J good to see you here. Seems like some of the smoke has cleared and we are still standing. sdock, you are love.
Hello Elena :) I should head'er now, I'm being a bad houseguest by hogging their computer!
I hop that when I come back here again (Sunday evening, most likely, when i get back home) that you're all still around & Mayo hasn't self-destructed.
Have a pleasant evening :)
Anonymous said...
miracle whip...
Shame in me said...
Hey your secrets safe with me ;) haha
October 17, 2007 9:34 AM
Shame in me said...
Yeah here is much better, i like secrets though haha, the other blog lost its magic
when loads of people found out.
October 18, 2007 5:39 AM
No one was excluded huh?
November 14, 2007 6:26 PM
by that i meant anons like you! say what you like it doesnt mean i am sorry any less. Everyone makes mistakes you know.
and no if you had found the alternate universe then you could have been there too, no-one was excluded on purpose. I was keeping a secret for someone i am emotionally attached too. Is that a crime? i was under the impression everyone would end up there anyway
miracle whip...
Shame in me said...
Hey your secrets safe with me ;) haha
October 17, 2007 9:34 AM
Shame in me said...
Yeah here is much better, i like secrets though haha, the other blog lost its magic
when loads of people found out.
October 18, 2007 5:39 AM
No one was excluded huh?
Backtrack. Backpedal.
Shame in me said...
queen of bruises said...
RW
No this is real.
But only the privileged few were welcome.
November 14, 2007 6:15 PM
thats bollocks anyone was welcome if they found it.
Who are you and why are you trying to stir shit? Why dont you just fuck off
November 14, 2007 6:38 PM
After that shit you pulled about your 'secret place" and "liking int better"??? You are so full of shit. You SHOULD be ashamed.
Anonymous said...
Shame in me said...
queen of bruises said...
RW
No this is real.
But only the privileged few were welcome.
November 14, 2007 6:15 PM
thats bollocks anyone was welcome if they found it.
Who are you and why are you trying to stir shit? Why dont you just fuck off
November 14, 2007 6:38 PM
After that shit you pulled about your 'secret place" and "liking int better"??? You are so full of shit. You SHOULD be ashamed.
November 14, 2007 6:40 PM
i am fucking ashamed that i didnt think of the consequences of my actions. What exactly do you want blood? take it take all of it. You are the one who is full of shit.
So what i like secrets, i was under the impression this would be everybodies secret in time. so sue me, i liked it better because i couldnt get through the thousands of posts. i explained this. screw you.
i am sorry to everyone i may have hurt.
"liking int better"???
learn to spell :)
Right.
So, Kaounua has said what was on her mind. I was there when the shit went down, too -- so now, it's my turn.
I don't care that Mayo has another blog. Hell, in the beginning I didn't even care about *this* one. But now that I've met so many FANTASTIC people, I'm not leaving unless I'm asked to do so. Even if my presence here is not wanted.
Mayo: If you want me to leave, you're going to have to grow some balls and TELL ME to leave. I'm betting my sheep that you won't have the guts to address me.
p.s. If you find all this funny, fuck you. On the slim-to-none chance that you really are Gerard Way, you won't find it too funny when no one is left to line your pockets with cash.
Everyone else, you're welcome at the kickball blog. Email me if you need the link.
As for our so-called friends, especially those that fucking LIED to me -- you're getting what you deserve. Enjoy it.
Setting traitors to permanent ignore,
- Sister Midnite / Nikki
The Shepard has lead some astray and abandoned the rest. Still, you follow.
K, I do remember when that happened. I think I came online about an hour or so after the link was posted. I remember asking about it but not really getting an answer. I checked the URL and found nothing.
I remember feeling weird about it for a while but then I forgot about it.
Now I wish I had went with my gut about that whole shizz.
For some odd reason, I decided to skim though all of this while I was bored at work. And I've come to two conculsions.
1)I found this a little more entertaining than soap operas.
2)Jesus Harold Christ batman. If someone who has a secret blog and you weren't told about it is the end of the world for you, then how in the hell are you gonna be like in the real world?
All of this gave me a big ass headache. And don't worry, this anon won't be back.
Anon.
It's not the secret blog that is upsetting people. It's the fact that we were being deceived and lied to.
Seriously though,
Grab a mic, fart into it for like three minutes, then release that alongside Phoning It In on spotify
That'll hold them over until like mid-2024ish...?
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