This is overdue. Please forgive me as I have been preoccupied with family. I had meant to post this earlier, in time with all of your moments of introspection, during "this is me". I think it is in good timing, as it seems a distraction could be in order...
I am a contradiction.
I am a planner, I plan everything. But, I have also been known to make snap decisions.
I am an idealist.
I am a realist.
I research the hell out of everything, but I am always changing my mind.
I am a workaholic, but can very easily sleep in too late...I have insomnia so the appeal of my dreams can be somewhat overwhelming.
I am a good listener, but I tend to talk over people (I am really working on that one).
I fear rejection on every level, but I am always drawing attention to myself.
I fear failure, but I am not afraid to try new things, and this constant change in scenery allows me to masquerade achievement.
I think I am always right, but I acknowledge that I make mistakes.
I am very independent and a control freak…I like to do things my way, myself. Yet, I am high maintenance and a bit of a scatter brain…therefore I require someone to look after me.
I have diagnosed clinical depression, but I can be the life of the party.
I have outrageously high standards for myself, but I am generous in allowing others to fault.
I am very loyal, but I have been known to wander off towards a novel stimulus like a moth to a flame.
I am empathetic.
I am selfish.
I am stubborn.
I crave change.
I have enjoyed kissing both women and men, but prefer women.
I am shy.
I am eccentric.
I am erratic.
I work hard, and I am passionate. I love life, my friends, and my family. I am always expressing myself
...even in silence.
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1 – 200 of 2693 Newer› Newest»you sound like a carbon copy of who i am.
about bloody time but i see no picture. you let me down there son. hahaha maybe next time.
Wow,
Funny how me and you are up at the same time here. Very, very interesting stuff and I'm glad you posted it.
We DO have alot in common. Independent, control freak, think I'm always right, etc, etc. Yeah, that's me. Just ask my sister.
High maintenace? Well, I am a princess after all.
Thanks for the new post.
Sweet dreams, mystery blogger man.
P.S. - I'm sure I'll have something very witty and sarcastic for you tomorrow. Tonight, just sweet dreams.
i am a good listener,
i rad this as i am a good kisser hahaha. must be a sign that i need to go to bed. i am glad you spent time with your family. i just hope it was doing family things!
Thank you for sharing that with us.
I find alot of what you said in me as well.
So,What's up Mayo?
Not that many people are on at the moment.
so mayo. are you here? or have you dashed off to get some sleep?
Ojos que no ven, corazón que no siente.
If you can translate it, think long and hard about its meaning and see how it applies...
A Rose for Emily...
Well this is nice. Now we know a little more about you keep this up please.
Nice. Thank you.
But.
Mayo, I do in fact have a few questions for you, if that's all right by you. I think I speak for a few of us here when I say we're wondering if you are just one person, or if anyone else has ever posted for you. I know I ripped everyone a new one for destroying like the best movie ever in the name of trying to find this out. I might be reading too much into it as well but I think that a straightforward approach might be the best one. So I'm asking. You said:
p.s. been body snatching...Mayo is Keyser Söze.
The Keyser Soze thing I just glanced at figuring you were being cheeky. But I couldn't help noticing you referring to yourself in the 3rd person. This 3rd person narrative combined with the "body snatching" comment made me wonder. I know I pointed this up earlier, but I'm still wondering.
Also, early on you said, As you have surmised, I am not always certain who I will be....
I presume in order to provide a premonitory tale. I do concur; but I am not in the league of which you describe...
Just be careful of what you project on me....
But do not fret, I will continue to come, play along, and put on my best fake face....
And mostly:
I will turn this over to the proper authorities, now it is a 50/50 split.
and
The other sits contemplating future events; gravitating toward all of you, but it is difficult because this overwhelms....
"The other?" So, is there another?
The other thing I've always wondered about was this:
I have 1800 worth of shit in my head and plenty of time to spill.
1800 worth of what? You know what we all worry about.
Well? Quid pro quo, Dr(s) Lecter?
What the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't feel.
And actually, you're doing it on purpose now, aren't you? I mean, you've always led us one way; only a few have followed. Most of us want to, for various reasons.
I'm not asking who you are. I'm just asking what you meant by those comments I quoted there, and if you've always been the sole keeper and writer of this blog.
Mayo, do you have an answer for me tonight?
oh, truly lovely. it looks like you gave us a poem after all. :)
thank you.
("scatter brain" made me grin!)
Well I can relate....
I'm most of those things, but I have:
clinical depression
bipolar disorder
aaannd chronic panic disorder. HA! beat that!
Allow me one more question, Mayo.
A distraction from what, exactly? What about those last few comments made you want to distract us? Or distract yourself?
Don't take it personally, man. I like you better than Gerard Way. ^_~
The answer is in the title.
Thank you for what I truly believe is honesty. Of course it could all be smoke and mirrors but I hope to dream it's not. That was the one thing about myself I didn't say and it so true - I'm a dreamer. Always believing things will be fine in time. Am I wrong?
Eyes that do no see, heart that does not feel.
That's my point. Do you see the people you hurt? Do you see the conflict you create?
If you don't see it (or for that matter don't care) then your heart must be made of stone...
A Rose for Emily...
Hello tj how are you? Mayo are you still here?
just you then...
and us.
so if your here mayo why dont you stay for a while. dont have to speak alot but some conversation will be nice. we have known you for 3 months now. at least say hello
I am re-reading, per usual. Thank you.
hello martha. interesting discussions tonight.
THank you. That's good to know. I was a little worried, to be honest. You did say you weren't duplicitous and don't think for a second that I missed that word-shade. But I had to make sure.
Hello Rose of Emily and mayo. How are you guys.
I can relate to being full of opposites.
Hi Mayo.
Whoah, that was like right there and I didn't even see it.
Must be my fairy dust kicking in......@_@
Well, okay. I had to come back with something a teeny bit witty before I went to bed.
Hope all is well with you and your family Mayo!!
Sweet dreams for real this time.
XOXO,
Princess
Goodnight S&V20 have sweet dreams.
Hello MJ. How are you?
A Rose for Emily...
Ummm, again thank you.
Are you okay?
Good night S&V20. ^_^ Dream of my ass. It's very firm.
so...I guess we all are walking contradictions....
I like that you open up a bit, thanks!
hi everybody!
Hey, first comment anon. Why not sign in and say hello?
^That is true. I wrote on it once.
Because it's fitting:
Do as I say not as I do because
The shit's so deep you can't run away
I beg to differ on the contrary
I agree with every word that you say
Talk is cheap and lies are expensive
My wallet's fat and so is my head
Hit and run and then I'll hit you again
I'm a smart ass but I'm playing dumb
Standards set and broken all the time
Control the chaos behind a gun
Call it as I see it even if
I was born deaf, blind and dumb
Losers winning big on the lottery
Rehab rejects still sniffing glue
Constant refutation with myself
I'm a victim of a catch 22
I have no belief
But I believe
I'm a walking contradiction
And I ain't got no right
You did, didn't you? I forgot what you write, though.
Rose of Emily I'm doing well. Watching House and blogging what could be better. The patent on House tonight is good looking and British life is good.
Hello AB how are you?
Is this really you? Or you trying to appeal to all of us. Trust is still an issue.
With trust....I mention this,
"I have diagnosed clinical depression, but I can be the life of the party.
I have outrageously high standards for myself, but I am generous in allowing others to fault."
Me too. Welcome.
i do like how you all made poems of yourselves with this one. it was all very lovely to read.
well seeing as you wont even say hello mayo i will say it for you. HELLO
i am going to bed now. to tired to even bother. goodnight my friends and sweet dreams
I am crushed by peoples expectations of me. Does anyone else feel the same?
Goodnight Fimble. Pleasant dreams.
Goodnight FS have fun in dream land.
good night fimble. ^.^
cupcake, i think i am more crushed by my own expectations of myself.
I wrote "I know who SS really is"
We were having anon problems at the time.
Crushed by other people's expectations of me?
No.
Crushed by my own expectations of myself?
Yes.
I'm my own worst enemy and critic.
I feel both mustard.
mustardisbetter said...
Crushed by other people's expectations of me?
No.
Crushed by my own expectations of myself?
Yes.
I'm my own worst enemy and critic.
November 21, 2007 5:23 AM
Same here.
Good night, Fimblestar.
MJ, I agree, I loved the patient on House tonight. He was scrummy.
Mayo, I appreciate the new post, seriously. So will your dial-up friends here. But I'm not sure from exactly what you think we needed "distraction" from. I think it was all flowing fairly nicely back there.
There isn't a fine line between "contradiction" and "hypocrisy." There is an entire gulf of reason.
Can you smell what I'm stepping in?
hi Martha! I'm doing great, although it sounds that you're having more fun watching House...
I'm just thrilled with this new blog, my ol' computer was taking aaaaages to show all those tons of comments.
One more thing.
"I have enjoyed kissing both women and men, but prefer women."
I have enjoyed both. But I prefer men. Kudos.
Cupcake:
I believe it's normal to feel both. There are other people's opinions that I highly value, but those are few and far between. Those people? I do have a tendency to be crushed by. But, mostly, it's myself that I'm afraid of. I put too much pressure on myself and I get let down all the time.
It's okay I guess. If everyone feels that way to some extent, it must be a normal thing.
Kapu I have seen him somewhere before. Where have I seen that patient from House before.
sorry i just pop my head in once more. i think he thought we needed distraction becuase his blog has become quite slow recently. ok i am now off to bed night night sweeti's
Mayo, are you a husband? You explained a lot, but is this role in your future, is it current?
Hot British guys. But I prefer the Huge Laure's House accent to his real one. His voice when it has that deeper sound.
Goodnight Fimble. Hugs. [where is Paperheart when we need her?]
I am married.
Mayo,
Thank you so much for this post. I did suggest for you to express yourself differently, and this is a wonderful response.
You are similar to all here. We just have our problems in different areas of our lives.
Please do take care and goodnight.
how long for tho?
hm.
Independent endeavor. That's what they called it when we each got our turns to dance alone in the spotlight on the grand stage.
How long ya been married Mayo?
I wanna get married someday.
Kapunua says it's a bad thing. I may believe her one day. I just want a taste of it first :)
arghh i need to go to sleep. addicted. crazy. ok last time nighty night
Goodnight KD have sweet dreams.
I am a swinger!
Married? A lot of us are married here. Don't be so shy.
... Or whore... depends on who you ask.
Mayo, I don't quite understand the way this makes me feel. Empathetic or completely apathetic. I can't decide yet.
10 to 1 odds we get either:
a. nothing
or
b. since about August
;)
Just kiddin' ya Mayo-ster. We know you aren't GW. You're nobody, but at the same time somebody.
See, I had this epiphony a few days ago. It sent my head for a spin.
cupcake said...
I am crushed by people’s expectations of me. Does anyone else feel the same?
No, I am underestimated, and that is my own fault. I hide. People have no idea what I could be, all I could accomplish if I tried. In my heart I know but the small little voice in my head is always tell me I will stumble. I will fail. I listen to that fucking voice way too much.
I agree with Kapu marriage is a bad thing
* and yet again, I can't spell for shit tonight.
Excuse the typos.
Being married is amazing. At least for me. I hope it is the same for you.
Now you're really going there. Wow.
Yes you do Elena.
Remember the "Just Believe" anon?
listen to what's in your heart, not your head.
I hope to get married someday, but then again, I don't want my kids to have a daddy that they loathe like I do mine.
marriage isn't a bad thing, it's just a hard thing.
Hello again, Mayo.
I'm going to join the bandwagon and agree we have much in common as well. Then again there are occasions where I can be a total contradiction to what I consider "myself".
The realization of ones strengths and weaknesses can be the first step to the road of becoming a better person. Unfortunately, it is still a work in process for me.
Until next time, Mayo. Take care and much love.
P.s. Words are meaningless and forgettable. Enjoy the silence.
I'm crushed because everyone wants a piece of me, and I can't say no.
And I'm not speaking sexually as such.
I'm a reluctant swinger.
er...you know what i meant.
*ahem* not that.
Marriage is amazing. It is to me.
It is not for everyone. We are all different.
Oh, I feel you Lolita. I feel the same way.
Mib typo seem to be an illness that is going around right now.
Mayo
Maybe the mirror isn't so smokey after all.
You have a very clear idea of who you are, and you seem to be able to admit your faults under your own power. Bravo, darling.
-Amyranth
So, what is married life like?
A Rose for Emily...
Marriage kinda rocks, with the someone always having your back thing. But I do admit, sometimes it can be stifling, having to deal with someone else's expectations. I'm going on 19 years and I don't regret it (well, except when he pisses me off).
I'm crushed because everyone wants a piece of me, and I can't say no.
Golly, I know how that feels, cupcake. If someone says that they love me, even if there are 2 of them, I feel like I can't say no.
And you know what? I didn't really wanna be an organ donor...But I never learned how to say no, and now I'm gonna end up on a body farm!!!!!! Teeheeeheehee!
Again, because it's fitting:
You listening Toujours?!
Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one deared
Disturb the sound of silence.
Fools said i,you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whispered in the sounds of silence.
Lolita, I think I can understand that. Though I don't hate my dad, despite him abandoning my mother and I when i was a baby to take up with a druggie slut.
I don't think I said hi to lh. HI LH how are you?
In my heart I know but the small little voice in my head is always tell me I will stumble.
elena, i think we all have that little voice. i think maybe the people who really accomplish their dreams learn to ignore it somehow.
"I hope to get married someday, but then again, I don't want my kids to have a daddy that they loathe like I do mine."
Lolita, I feel you on this one. Things change. Guys grow up. We all grow up. You will find what you need.
Your dad is a separate person. Your decisions are your own.
cupcake, I went through that in college--maybe it's an age thing? I don't know, getting fat helped. :)
Hello Amy and Carrie how are you guys
mustard, please. don't make me cry.
i'll get your sleeve all wet.
*hands tissue*
I just don't feel human anymore..
I'm a-okay, I think MJ. Thanks.
Yeah, my dad was always cheating on my mummy when I was little. And I watched her cry and cry and cry.....She knew that he was doing it, but she loved him. I remember the day he left clearly, because it was the day after Christmas. I went into their bedroom and found him packing. He promised me he'd come back. He never did. I just remember being that little and thinking that he left because of me. Mum never helped me deal with it, because she couldn't even help herself. To this day, when I see a father and daughter, I miss him, but I hate him SO much. I won't deny that it really screwed me up. My self-acceptance is null.
And Good Evening, Morning and Afternoon, to whom it applies!
I can't wait to be married.
Not engaged or anything, but I hope it comes much sooner than I think it is.
-Amyranth
Mustard thank you for your kind words. Here is an example of me the frightened child that I can be. I once submitted a book and got it all the way to a senior editor. She sent it back with a list of revisions and said as soon as they were done to send it back and the chances were very good it would be published. Did I do that? Fuck no. I was afraid that if I made the revisions there was a chance it still wouldn't be published, so I did nothing. See in my mind that way I would never know if I failed.
Why don't you feel human Cupcake?
i think the best part about being married was having someone there to witness your life. someone who really did want to hear about that interesting little thing you saw on your way to work, and what you thought of it.
that was the best part.
Sword through the heart.
Cupcake we all feel that way sometimes. Less human than other people.
Hey mj! Don't know if you saw it in the last blog, wanted to thank you for your help with that movie thing last night. I've got it at the top of my Netflix now--didn't realize it was actually a tv movie, think that's why I had so much trouble tracking it down. I can hardly wait for my 15 year old to see it, I know she's gonna dig it.
Elena:
I can't say anything. I've done things like that, too. We're all afraid of failure I would think. That's just what being human brings us. Take chances and make mistakes. That's the only way we learn. Maybe you should consider getting it revised now and have it published, no?
Oh, I don't think I can have another night like the night I had a couple of weeks ago.
It left me in a mess of tears.
I don't want to do that again.
Seasicksmiles, you make me seasickandnotsmile. "Enjoy the Silence?" Don't go there. Depeche Mode has nothing to do with this. Unless your angst comes from the mid-1990's, then I understand.
I am no longer me, but everyone elses fantasies combined.
But here I am me.
I saw Carrie. I can't believe it was a TV movie. I'm glad I could help and I'm glad you found it.
For me, it seems like such a big step, that shouldn't be taken lightly.
I guess, that's why I haven't married. That's not to say that I would never, but I've always wondered, how do you make a marriage last?
I've seen couples married for over 50 years and all I've ever thought was, wow, how did they accomplish that?
A Rose for Emily...
I wonder if I'm the only one that thinks that people, like other people in public, don't ever seem REAL.
They seem like moving graphics, I sometimes wonder if I reach out to touch them, will they disappear?
I'm still getting over the fact that other people are... solid I guess.
-A
for me, mustard, it was this past week.
exhausting.
"Sword through the heart."
Um, it's not that serious.
Man, Lolita I feel for you. In some ways you guys actually help me in that you have had much worse things happen to you that I have, and you make me feel whiny. The worst thing I have--a family friend grabbed my boobs and tried to open mouth kiss me when I was 14. I told my parents (we were at his house at the time, my parents were partying with them), and they did NOTHING. Continued partying. Later on, when I was in my early 30's, they let the guy actually visit at their house and called to tell me all about how the visit went. I felt extremely betrayed, and can't even talk to them about why. But really? This stupid blog has helped me so much it's Ridonkulous (and yeah, I misspelled that on purpose) So thanks, Mayo.
hello everyone!
I have jumped back on for a sec while I wait for my hair to dry.
I am soooo excited, Muse in less than 4 hrs!!
nice to see a new blog too, Hi Mayo *waves*
and MJ elena TJ Emily LH anima carrie cupcake and anyone I missed
Ha! A, I think about that too.
Except...sometimes, I see them as jellyfish. You can see inside them....They're asically nothing but water, nothing but oxygen sucking in oxygen, transparent and fading, and yet they're SOOOO very poisonous. And they're so beautiful.
Is the sword chipping on you stoney heart?
A Rose for Emily...
hey there ergo -- you do sound excited, right enough!
whoa. *Basically
Sword through the heart.
Wut? Did I like, just kill Sdock? Or are you suggesting something sordid?
Dudes, I lost my internet connection for about fifteen minutes just now, wtf?
Mustard - I fear failure too much. Weird thing is that only I would know if I failed. My husband doesn't even know I write. I keep so much to myself it's scary. I've never learned to share my dreams. Maybe cause they are all I have. No that's not to say I don't have a life with my husband and children. It's just that they don't really know me. They don't know because I can't find a way to tell them. That sound totally wrong for a writer, doesn't it?
I am no longer me, but everyone elses fantasies combined.
But here I am me.
Only because I don't know how to say it better:
it understands the way when you don't have a smile on your face everyone only spits: "whats wrong"s and "you look tired"s. so the way you keep it on your face just wide enough to avoid questions. it understands how neurotic you have become, the way you treat your flaws like old friends. the way you look in the mirror and think of yourself as "mr. misery"....
I see what you mean now by not feeling human.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm a fraud. You know how someone will ask you how your day's going or how are you and you quickly reply with an "I'm fine." But what you really want to do is sit them down and tell them everything that's wrong.
Basically convincing yourself that you're okay.
Kinda the same thing that you've said. You just feel like your a bunch of other peoples fantasies. You are everyone else combined, but you're no longer yourself.
It's always more comforting to be someone else than who you really are. At least I think it is.
Maybe I'm not human either.
The way you stay married is you fucking let go of the fairytale from the get go. Not romantic, but realistic. Marriage is a lot of hard work, that's no lie. And people that say, but it should be easy are full of crap.
Loli - Thank god. I'm not nuts. I tried to explain that to my mother once and she asked me if I wanted to go to the doctor.
-A
Hello Ep I would ask how you are but I already know. I hope you enjoy Muse.
What happened to Mayo?
oh and MIB
making marriage last ?
gosh a very hard question,
you must be friends first for sure, the "in love" may diminish but if you are really friends that remains. Communicate about everything, laugh a lot, be there for one another and be considerate.
appreciate the other person and share burdens and sucesses.
But I think it is the desire to stay together and work through issues that makes it last.
Though I know of times when that is just impossible and if it means compromising or losing yourself or if someone is betrayed to a point they cannot see past it, or whatever other reason it must end you need to be honest and communicate that too. Not run to another person, that just adds to the hurt.
I think he's just listening.
Elena:
Well, I'm not a writer, and I do that on a daily basis.
I don't know why I do it though.
I've never told anyone half of the stuff I've said on here. I keep to myself on a daily basis. I live in my own head. I make up scenerios in my head and live vicariously through them.
I've never shared my passion for music with anyone for fear that they'd think I was a loon. It's all safer in my head. It's safe in there.
Elena, I feel like my family doesn't know me either. I just give them a glimpse now and then so I can fool myself that I'm being true to myself.
Mustard... yes, that is true..
But it comes to bare down so hard upon me.
I'd like to marry one day. Put in all the hard work, just to be with one person...
My mummy says I need a shrink, A, so that's a-okay!
Ha. She thinks she's telling me something I don't know. I'm a freaking psychology textbook case.
"I've seen couples married for over 50 years and all I've ever thought was, wow, how did they accomplish that?"
I wish I could explain. It takes work to be in a relationship. But it is easy. It just works. Then you know it is right.
Dudes, I lost my internet connection for about fifteen minutes just now, wtf?
Holy shit,so did I.
Did you really?
Freaking internet, man.
Cupcake:
As would I. What's holding you back?
you have to be really dedicated to making it work, too. marriage, i mean. because it can slip away from you without you even being aware of it.
Most marriages--not all, but most--are based on the primal fear of dying alone, with no progeny to pass on your zOMGz SPESHUL DNA!!!11
Marriage is a religious doctrine-ish thing as well as a legal-nonsensical thing. Who the hell is the church or the government to tell you who you can and can't share your valuables with? Who can and can't visit you in the hospital? Who is and who is not entitled to what's left of your life?
On principal, it's an insult. And I will never, ever bend to that kind of moral majority-governed nonsense. "Marriage protection act" my ass.
But if it works for you, that's cool. ^_^ My folks have been married for 36 years and they're just the same with each other as they've always been, so. ^_^
I want a life/death sorta love.
Like...Bonnie and Clyde, Romeo and Juliet....something tragic.
Pretty awful, hm?
But I live for that.
I can't find anyone... no one I want to marry me.
Carrie, I try to give my family a glimpse now and then of who I really am and I swear to God they roll their eyes. My husband sees me as his wife. My children see me as their mother. I am those thing but I am really so much more.
Seriously, Entropy? That's weird! It wasn't just this page, it was my email, other pages, I tried everything. WTF?
See, that's what I mean.
I realize its hard work and thats why I'm so phobic when I think of "Till Death Due You Part". Its overwhelming and I figured it wasn't going to be a cake walk, but the thought of it is so consuming.
Although, I'm sure its just because I haven't found that "special someone", who knows, my tune might change if that were really the case...
A Rose for Emily...
Men have wanted to marry me. God knows why; I know I'm difficult. I turn them down. I don't need to be stuck with someone, taking care of them, and I certainly don't need to be kept.
It's weird, guys seem to think I'm the gal to settle down with, the one they want to bring home to Mother. Err.. are they not paying attention? I destroy people like that.
marriage is more than that, kapunua. my ex and i were together for ten years before we were married, and it did change things between us. for the better. there is a reason for it beyond survival. it's a unique way of relating to someone else, with or without kids.
Yeah, everything.
I got kicked out of AIM,poor Fimble.
Elena, I get that more from my husband than my children. Deep down I think they would think the real me is cooler than the everyday "Mom" me.
Lolita, no one is so important that you should die needlessly or tragically for them. You're better than that.
Honestly I'd rather lead apes into hell.
Looks like Mayo ended with a jade's trick again... just when the conversation was getting good.
Elena:
Show them! Show them what's inside of you. Write it down on a piece of paper, tuck it under their heads, then leave the house. They'll read it.
Or if you feel comfortable, do it face to face. Don't hide from them. Be who you are.
Cupcake:
Maybe you haven't met that person yet? I hear it takes time. Whatever's meant to be will be and all that jazz. Don't give up.
*feels like the last person in the world that needs to be giving advice on these subjects*
Most things society deems "romantic" can be traced to evolutionary /survival urges.
Hello hello everyone. Mayonaise, I am greatly impressed that you are slowly opening up. That is what we have wanted for you; for you to be honest about yourself and open up a bit. I am very proud of you. Believe me, I am. We sure have alot in common. A scatter brain? Yes, unfortunately, that is me as well. I have the many scars and cuts to prove it.
How is everyone doing tonight?
Well I must be off to bed now so you guys have a goodnight and I will be dreaming a Kapu firm ass.
I'm too tired to look.
And marriage changes nothing... love is love... it doesn't create more love does it? how can it? it's simply a comfort I wish for..
one day..
Goodnight, Martha.
Did you find out who the guy from house was?
Goodnight MJ. And Kapu? "Difficult?" No wayz!!
Hello BC.
Goodnight MJ. Sleep well.
Night night martha. Mustard, how are you? It has been a couple of days since I last posted here.
K, you make me smile.
good night martha. ^.^
Most things society deems "romantic" can be traced to evolutionary /survival urges.
very true, but a lot of those things grow and evolve beyond that, too. marriage is one of them. today, you can get married for no other reason than that you want to, regardless of class, race, religion, and even in some places, sexual preference. it really doesn't have to be a hallmark trap anymore.
It sounds like a lot of people I know and a little like myself.
Not sure if this is really what you are or you're just playing the game, but I like this post a lot.
It makes me remember that we're all fucked up in one way or another.
Getting sleepy right now, BC. It's been a few for me as well.
I just had to pop in and see what was going on now that I had some time today.
Did'ja get over your flu yet?
I was going to go to sleep but just wanted to add this.
Marriage is not completely about love. Yes that connection is important, but compatibility, mutual respect, being able not to hold on to past hurts and the most important quality I think, is allowing your partner to be his true self, regardless their eccentricities, and acceptance of their faults warts and all.
In my marriage, apart from the passion, I truly felt I did not have to hide who I really was. I felt loved, accepted and connected.
Loli - Good. Tell him our theory, and if you need pills, send half your dose to me!
Okay, marriage.
Some love it, some hate it. I frequently get the assumption that I must want to get married because all my friends are doing it. Which they are, but I do not keep those reasons.
If it was about passing on my DNA, I'd just get knocked up by some random, healthy male and raise the child alone.
If it was about being afraid of dying alone, I wouldn't have cats. Also, with cats, you have to be worried about them eating you when you die alone. Saw it on CSI.
For me it's the monogamy, and the acceptance.
Now before anyone starts thinking I'm a horrible monkey-crossed creature, I'm not. I am completely self-assured that if and when I get dumped, not only will he regret doing so, but I'll be snapped up within 3 months. (It seems to be the average amount of time that I'm single before I end up taken again.)
The acceptance part comes from somebody who is completely ready to actually spend the rest of their natural life with me. Like all humans, I believe I am a flawed specimen, and I know my own faults.
Therefore, for me, that moment is not about the ring. It's not about the kids either.
It's about finally having that person come to me and say "You're the one that I want. Yes, really."
-A
No I didn't I will look it up tomorrow. Night once again.
Ya got that right, MP, it's one of the things that this blog has really helped me realize. And maybe have a little more patience while waiting in line at the grocery store. :)
I married because it was expected of me. It was what I was supposed to do. I love my husband, don't get me wrong. But I didn't marry because I was afraid of being alone. I like being alone. Knowing then what I know now I would still marry him. If I didn't I wouldn't have my daughters. Evil teens that they are (Yeah they hate me) I still love them. We make choices in life that are hard sometimes. Turn right, turn left. What if I had made another choice? Who can say about what if's. They aren't real. Okay too much thought pouring out with too much whiskey.
Hi BC! how are u?
Who's scared that will never happen?
*raises hand*
Martha, I know the guy from Crossing Jordan. I don't know if that is where you know him from but hey.
Goodnight,sleep well.
Anima,
Depeche Mode has everything to do with anything.
Kidding! My apologies for not controlling the urge to reference a song played constantly at the local miniature golf park.
And angst in mid-1990's? Not really. Thanks for noticing though.
goodness i hardly think of it as giving yourself up to be with somone and sorry but certainly not fear of dying alone!
I am a very intelligent and independant woman and my husband loves that and respects that,as I do about him. we chose to be together and marry but the same commitment doesn't require a "piece of paper".
It is wonderful to find someone who you want to share your time with and who wants do do the same for you. some people choose to marry,some find it with friends.
But when you find it you will know, plus it is work, it's not a fairytale and they certainly aren't going to "fix" or "make you happy always". I think it's th eunrealistic expectations people have that creates problems
thank you Entropy I'm not a fan of that show but I have seen it. Goodnight.
Hello hello cupcake. How are you?
Mustard, my flu is gone, but I still have congestion, but I should be okay in another day or so :)
As for this whole marriage subject, it would be nice to tie the knot, but I could care less either way. I would, however, like a "partner in crime." ^_^
I embrace love and welcome it with open arms. What scares me is making it last.
You can obviously see that I come from a broken home, but aside from that I've seen (first hand) couples that were so in love at first and then it just dissipates over time and that in itself scares me to death.
I know myself, I can be easily wounded, and that's why I shy away from marriage, but then again, I don't want to deprive myself of an experience such as that.
I don't know, I guess its just a double edge sword for me when I see in this context but maybe thats just me... I live inside my head too much...LOL
A Rose for Emily...
but you're very right, elena.
earlier today everyone was talking about wanting the "old gerard" back, and it's not that simple. as people we can only go forward. not every choice we make is a brilliant one, but they all go into the mix into who we are in this very moment, and that's all we can give to the world.
this summer, at a family reunion, my little sister told me she "hated the new" me, and "wanted the old" me back, she was vehement about it. i could only shrug. how can i go backwards?
everything we do gives us good and bad, and you can only take those forward with you.
whoa. sorry. end philosophical lecture.
Okay, once again, I came to my computer to watch some stupid show I had taped (ok, I will admit it, it was Gossip Girl) and you people suck me in with your honesty and wit. But now, I really have to toddle off to bed. Thanks for letting me hang out with y'all. (yeah, I might be in MI now, but I grew up in the South) GRITS forever!!
Nite Martha. Sweet dreams of K's ass (firm) ass.
P.S. Enjoy the silence happens to be one of my favorite songs :)
good night carrie. we'll get you every time! ;)
mustardisbetter said...
Who's scared that will never happen?
*raises hand*
I'm honestly more afraid that someday I'll lose my mind and let it happen. Then when I regained my senses, I would be stuck.
If it was about passing on my DNA, I'd just get knocked up by some random, healthy male and raise the child alone.
But evolutionary urges point you away from that direction. I'm going way back to what is ingrained in our DNA, in our eternal memory. "Without a mate, how will I survive the winter?" That kind of thing. Even though it is perfectly possible in this day and age (and probably a choice I will eventually make--although I'd much rather adopt if I could afford it because honestly, six billion miracles is enough, goddamnit,) it is still considered "wrong" by society's standards. And why? I think because deep down, embedded and really encoded in our genes, is the fear that we will die without a mate, or our progeny will die. Safety in numbers. Clan up. That whole thing.
Glad I can make you guys smile. ^_^
Hi there squeak squeak. How are you?
BC I am... hurting...
Glad you're better.
Emily sometimes the "so in love" couples just aren't really realistic. I'm very cautious and that's why it is so vital to really be friends and know each other. it is very easy to be "in love" very quickly and intensely. But in saying that there are no guarantees.
It is a risk,but I think you can be very good at minimising the risks first by really being honest, and it's all the little tings, what roles do you see yourself having, what responsibilities, how do you deal with money, how do you feel on religion, bringing up kids, having kids, how do you deal with disagreements etc etc
It's that stuff that destroys relationships far more insideously than unfaithfulness and big issues.
Toujours - Funny you say that about wanting the "Old" you back. I get that comment a lot. My kids want their "old" mom back. She was the one who was in charge of all the school parties, decorated the house for every holiday, looked like all the other moms. I can't be that person anymore. As they grow I am realizing that if I don't find my own life when they are gone I will have nothing. I feel like for the first time in my life I'm being me. Yeah I listen to music that they listen to and they hate that. I don't look like the other moms anymore. I don't want to. I want to be me. Problem is I'm still finding me. It's a slow process. I was what was expected of me for too many years.
Kapunua said...
Hey, first comment anon. Why not sign in and say hello?
November 21, 2007 5:17 AM
Sometimes I feel as if I wouldn't fit in very well here.
I am too critical of things, too judgemental. I fear my opinions wouldn't be well received, so instead I rarely comment. Voyeurism suits me best.
I really appreciate your invitation though. Kapunua, you've always been my favorite around here.
hello, bc. i'm starting to think about bed, but enjoying all the discussions going on around me. ^.^
cupcake, are you going to be okay? *hugs*
Honestly, I am not sure if I fear failure. I think sometimes people need it in order to learn about themselves and become stronger and be wiser when life throws its obstacles at us.
Being an Aries, I crave change as well. When I see the same things, I get bored easily. I can be really fickle.
I can be insensitive at times.
I have never been kissed before as well.
Squeak squeak, I agree. These conversations are quite fascinating ^_^
But evolutionary urges point you away from that direction. I'm going way back to what is ingrained in our DNA, in our eternal memory. "Without a mate, how will I survive the winter?"
I will concur on this point because men do get more nesty as Fall arrives and Winter comes.
I don't get flirted with as much all year as I will in the coming months.
(THAT sounded shallow and self-centered. Sorry.)
-A
oh and Emily the other day you asked about vampire movies and I was in the shower and remembered "The Hunger"
...love David Bowie
and of course Bela Lugosi and Christopher Lee, and one of my favourites "Abbot and Costello meet Frankenstein"
It has truly been a pleasure, but I gotta go get some rest.
Mayo:
If you're lurking, have a good one.
To the rest of you all:
See you around!
elena, i'm finding that some things were easy to re-learn about myself, and some seem almost impossible. i write in my lj about how this is a time of transformation for me, yet i wonder if i'll ever complete it.
i think maybe the longer you've "lost" yourself, the longer it takes to get it all back.
Bye MIB!
(Mint in Box? Men in Black? Meet in Belleville?
-A
see you later, mustard, and sleep well. ^.^
Well thank you, anon. ^_^ That's surprising, seeing as how I am probably the most difficult person here, barring Mayo himself. ;D
You shouldn't worry about being too judgmental though. I mean, we kind of all can be. We're all choir-boys at best and all that. ^_^
You should come out and play (more often.)
Hello BC - You seem to be feeling better.
Sweet dreams and goodnight mustard.
Hi there Elena. how are you?
Yeah, my flu is getting better. Thanks for asking. I just have congestion now and tomorrow, I hear its supposed to snow O_o
Good night, Mustard!
TJ - I don't think we ever lose ourselves, we just need to continue to reacquaint ourselves with the person we actually are.
-A
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