I understand your need for answers, information, and reassurance.
I have been asked to offer a tailored invitation to each of you. I cannot in good conscience fulfill your request, not now. With the current climate here, I am afraid this would only escalate hurt feelings and finger pointing. What if I get it wrong?
Some of you are more open and I may know more about you, others are more reluctant to reveal themselves, or are perhaps new…how do I deal with this? I know your names, and yes, I can speak to most of your personalities, but not all...so you can see where that may lead. You have all come here with your individual voices, with your own intent, wanting to be heard, wanting to listen. All valid, yet you do not require my validation to set your sails.
"Mayonaise" is an important place for me. Although I make every attempt, I am unable to read all the heartfelt comments that you leave. I spend time with you after I post, and then I return when I am able to give you my full attention. You would be amazed at how skilled I have become at finding that time...somewhat of an artful dodger. If it ever appears that I have missed something, I apologize.
Please understand I am not evading, I am not ditching your request. I only fear that any misinterpretations at this time could be disastrous to whatever chance you have of restoring friendships. This is no longer about me. Stay here for each other. I will continue to post on “Mayonaise”. You may listen if you choose. Or you can ignore me, and continue to use this space to gather. Or you may choose to disappear.
I cannot take you for granted.
I am accountable for my actions.
I need you.
I have been asked to reveal myself to you. You all know me. I am whoever you want me to be, I am an artist, a poet, a singer, a motherfucker, and a contradiction, a mouthpiece, a friend, and an enemy, a brother, an informant, a whipping boy, a basket case, a queen, and a criminal...(credit to John Hughes.)
p.s. my fear, again...and I am hungry, but often I forget to eat.
"You have the exclusive right to be an exclusive asshole. But I don't have to like it."
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1,920 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 400 of 1920 Newer› Newest»Cupcake, I feel the love!
Carrie, yes it does work.
=]
PH, that is a good mind-set to have at this time in your life. as Pony-Boy said in The Outsiders, "Stay Gold."
Carrie said...
I will hug all you guys! c'mon gather round, soggy group hug, get your kum ba yahs yahs out.
============
My kum ba yahs yahs aren't that impressive! You might have noticed that when I joined in the group hug ;-)
Carrie, I love that book! ^_^
Thanks for that Carrie, it is very much appreciated.
Mayo, I do not believe any of this is your fault. It is no one's fault, in reality. I don't exactly know what took place, I'm just getting bits from a friend on here. It is shitty that it all took place.
I do commend your efforts at trying to keep a blog, not only for your purpose but as a community for others. It's just sad that has gone to the extent of not being treated as one, yet treated as a boxing ring or a school yard.
I'm not a lovable person, but I would give you a hug, along with a few others.
Now, I shall go and have me a smoke and get some sleep.
I have decided instead of being kick ass ninja girl/burlesque princess(who I am usually), on here I shall be spreads the love and comic relief gal!
There are plenty of strong opinionated women on here already, who I admire muchly, but I feel we need more love, particularly now.
They played 'Desert Song'? I'm so jealous.
http://aikawafuuko.livejournal.com/185499.html
now back to catching up on the last few days...
aw group hug !!!
Good night person with impossibly long name! (you know who you are sweetie! )
I must have missed the group hug earlier, so I didn't notice any shortcomings anon616. On a totally different note, earlier today I bought some groceries, and the total was $6.66. Kinda freaked me out, and set me thinking all about superstition and religion and all that jazz.
TSAKFBL.
I agree. It isn't anyones fault what went down.
I just want the family back together..
Cupcake, agreed. More lovin' is needed.
Ergo *HUG*
Carrie, that isn't an awful lot for groceries!
damn did they?
I hope they do some of these over here
Well Carrie, you don't have to worry. I hear the real number to fear is mine ;-)
Okay guys,
I must be off to bed. I love you all to pieces.
xoxox
*HUG*
-007
Goodnight PHxx! Hugs back!
PH, well I go just about every day to the grocery store, I like the fancy myself a European, but well, minus the kick ass accent and all. And maybe I'm just lazy, because the grocery store is less than a mile from my house. ;)
sorry that was about the songs
i just did groceries and it was $82
Oh, Goodnight PH!
night PH
*biiiiig HUUUUG*
and *squeeze*
I'm bummed... I'm seeing MCR December 1st... and half of the poor dears may not be there... I understand though.
I'm amazed they're still alive at all after the year they've had!
And why should I fear the 616? Are you especially eee-vil?
hey I'm seeing them Nov 28th!
so you are down south then.
I thought when you said the time you weer an aussie too
Goodnight PH sweetie, take care, k?
have to go for a bit but I'll be back!
Woo ergo! you're an ozzie! fuck yeah!
Me? Evil? Never!
A little wicked sometimes, a little diabolical other times; but never truly evil ;-)
I am secure enough in my spirituality to use the number. It was mine first (I thought), afterall!
Going to bed now, but wanted to bring it up before it got lost in the comments.
Does this mean that our Mayo's ghost is one of us, considering the instruction he gave to say hello if this ghost showed up?
Considering his attempts at being half honest and clear as of late, wondering if he would tell us if we asked enough....
Night cupcake!
My name is a lyric from Leathermouth's "body snatchers forever"..
Ok, now I'm really off for the night.
I must go for a bit too... food!
see you all soon! xoxox
Thank you GV - it must have been you with the sDock10. I didn't read everything properly. I just wondered if you had learned that mayo was in fact Gerard.
Mayo, if you are Gerard, take pride in the fact that you can bring kids together in a positive way, and if you are not, the same holds true ;)
I am glad you guys are being friendly again!!! It's one of the reasons I enjoy checking in here.
Hugs all around :)
-ConfusedAnon
Gentle vengeance, I don't even care any more. But on a totally, totally (and i am shamefaced here) note my daughter thinks you're hot. Oh, how it burns. :)
OHHHH! LM! fuck yeah!
God I love them... could be my fave band! hehehe
Goodnight/morning Ergo!
I think I shall bid the rest of you goodnight/morning as well - Cupcake, Carrie, Bittersweetheart, To Steal A Kiss, anyone lurking/observing.
Take care & Hugs!
Carrie,
I don't know what to say.
I'm glad your daughter approves....
?
Haha, that is pretty funny, actually.
anon 616, you crack me up! But, I'm wondering what your more "real" name is. See, I don't get this whole anon internet thing, I am way too honest. My name is actually Carrie.
Goodnight 616!
Mayo-
Thank you for saying what you did.
I'm glad we're all starting to come together again. I was thinking today that our lives are far too short, and far too hectic to sit and bitch about what happens on the computer.
An old co-worker of mine called work today to tell us that she loves us and she misses us.
She is in the hospital with terminal cancer. She has blood poisoning and COPD. She does not expect to see the weekend.
I will continue to post here, at discussmayo, and on my own blog.
It is nice relief from real life, and in the end that's all that truly matters. That we all come here, have a laugh and forget our troubles for a bit.
Did anyone leave any cookies on the table?
-Amyranth
*coughwendycough* as she runs out the door ;-)
Yeah, it kinda cracks me up too, in a heh, heh, ok sweetie, yes, I guess she is pretty kinda way. What with the all trying to bond and such. She also has a killer crush on Kapunua. Guess I should just try to brace myself for a strong daughter-in-law, 'cause that's definitely the way the wind is blowing.
Amyranth, sorry about your friend. Things like that do tell us what's important in life.
And thanks Anon616, you totally didn't have to do that, and I appreciate it, and that's why I love this place.
ok I'm back
oh amyranth that is so sad.
but it was so nice to know she thought of you too.
she must be a special person
Hey ergo!
night 616 *coughwendycough*
Amy I'm sorry about your friend/co worker. Well I"m off to bed now but I will leave you with this I hope it cheers you up
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_1MR2XOjz4&NR=1
Hi carrie how are you?
is cupcake still here?
night MJ
ergoproxy said...
oh amyranth that is so sad.
but it was so nice to know she thought of you too.
she must be a special person
November 16, 2007 5:53 AM
She's an incredible woman. I'm going to visit her tomorrow, god willing.
-Amyranth
Thank you, mj, I really enjoyed that! And I'm still waiting to see how the Doctor hooked up with you. (My Netflix queue has been a little slow as of late)
well I hope she is there still.
To be able to think of others while you go through that..
God bless her
Hi everyone.Amyranth, no matter what happened, you have my deepest condolecences for your friend.
Carrie, I am glad that you worry about me, but honestly, when these blogs become addictive, it tends to cause you to become "touched in the head" so to speak ^_^
I am trying to move past that though.
BC
BC
Not sure if that came out right, but you have my get well wishes. I made a couple of spelling mistakes. Oops.
Take care and good night everyone
Amyranth, my heart goes out to your friend, her family, and you to honey.
Everyone I must go! *waits for cries of 'no! don't leave'*
Fine then! be that way!
Love you all! xoxo
hi BC you look after yourself
night
Oh no, do not let your head "be touched." It's not about the cra-zay. It's about finding other people who think and feel the way you do, and that's cool.
No, no cupcake! But I will miss your tasty frosting! Ooh, on second thought, that just sounded kinda dirty, sorry.
"no don't leave"...
was that ok?
sse ya cupcake
Goodnight Ergo!
Hi there Ergo. Thanks. My flu is slowly getting better as well, which is good. Carrie, I will try not to do that, but my first priority is battling the flu still, and then we will see what happens lol
You can kick the flu in the ass, of that I am sure. So, I feel you got my e-mail earlier (no secrets, I admit it, I e-mailed BC) so do you have a new blog? You have to admit, you do have a habit of deleting things, and it makes people that care about you hard to follow you. :)
But Carrie, I like it when you're dirty! XD haha now that scared you I bet! but don't run! I'm tiny! barely 5'3!
Goodnight/morning/evening or whatever it is where you are, I shall return to you sexy people at a later date!
xx
Ooh, nothing can scare me no cupcake, after dealing with the people on here. :) And I'm only 5'1" 3/4 (I swear I used to be 5'2") BUT, I am a heavy woman and can move deceptively fast because I exercise, so you had better ruuuuuunnnnnnn!!! Why, I'm not sure, it just seemed the thing to say. :)
no carrie I'm still here
Oh ergo, sorry, I thought you were off to bed.
Funny... I said I was going... I'm not... I just can't be regular.
And don't hurt me Carrie! I can't even pick up my two year old cousin...
No strength whatsoever, but I'm feisty none the less....
No secrets, but I like to sweep people off their feet ^_^
That's why I change my blog and the templates alot. Me being an Aries, it tends to get boring when I leave things the same for a while
I could totally pick up your two year old cousin. I love lifting weights. That's the weirdness of me. I'm totally overweight and eat too much, but I love to exercise. When the famine comes, I'll be in charge. :)
no it's only 4:30 but I'm an hour behind cupcake as they have daylight savings
where are you cupcake?
I'm up near Mackay in Qld
Hi there cupcake. Did you bring any cupcakes with you? :)
Yeah, BC, GoTD, or whatever I should call you, makes it hard for the common folk to keep up! :)
carrie I started the gym and I love it too
never thought I would
Oh, ergo, are you in Australia? I was totally talking smack to my daughter about my internet friends the other day, and trying to name all the countries.
Paperheart, sweetie! I am in no way mad at you or excluding you! All I meant was that we'd already said "hello" to you, but had missed the others. I was trying to be polite to the people I'd not greeted.
I'm so sorry you thought I was mad at you! You know I'd never do that to you, my little Bubbles.
J
Original Punks said...
hey Bubbles, how's it going?
j and l
November 16, 2007 4:08 AM
paperheartxx said...
J and L,
It's going alright. How are you guys? =]
November 16, 2007 4:09 AM
Ergo I totally dig lifting weights, I think I could take my husband in arm wrestling now. I like weights WAY more than cardio.
haha
yep I'm an aussie, as are cupcake and black jacket
In my absence...
Sorry about that cupcake. This is the last time I will change my name. :)
Ergo, that's so cool, I'm jealous. Although I suspect if I had grown up there, it would be just as mundane as here. :) It's just the fantasy, ya know? And everyone's accent just sounds so dang cool.
carrie I always try to get out of cardio!
I hate it, except the bike cause it's easy.
If it says 3-4 mins at 2 1/2 I start thinking - close enough
I love the weights though. I am really impressed I have some muscles instead of squashyness
Hi there silence, OP. How are you holding up?
oh carrie we don't have an accent everyone else does ! haha
it is a nice place though it's so varied I'm happy to travel in australia though I've been to asia
hi silence
Blogger ate my inane comment about exercise. That's funny about the accents. I'm from the Southern US, Virginia to be exact, and I've been in Michigan for over 18 years and people still ask me where I'm from. Guess that stuff just doesn't wear off.
I was born in QLD! I'm a Tasmanian now, but my heart is on the sunshine coast.
Sorry dolls, the only cupcake around here is me! XD
Hi.
Can I have an explanation of what I missed?
On the subject of accents, I don't have one! no really! people think I'm foreign. I have an odd voice....
QLD? Translation for the geographically impaired?
queensland.
How are we holding up?
Heads held high, BC.
More than we can say for you.
Just leave it. We're done with you.
L and J
I'm an aussie too. Living in California now though.
Thanks, silence. I love you guys, op, but just let it go, life's too short.
QLD = queensland
a state on the north eastern coast of australia
Okay then. Everyone else, take care.
So, carrie, what happened while I was gone? What's with mayo apoligizing again?
aussies invade everywhere....like moss
I have to go now, bye everyone!
Wishing you all the best, and if mayo suddenly deletes his blog, the screen name's fuglypineapple. But I'd prefer communication via my blog.
Bye silence, sorry I couldn't be of more help. Half the time (or more like 3/4) I don't know what's going on. All the intrigue about the blog owner tend to wear me out. I just come for the people who post here.
sorry silence I was on aim
it's probably easier to go back and read or try discussmayo.blogspot
Carrie,
We are trying, it's another who knows full well how we feel and attempts to talk to us.
She dissed SS earlier today, and you just DO NOT MESS with him in our book. And BC, please do not try to say you were speaking of a "fake SS". We already discussed that. You tried to make Mayo like you more by putting the blame on SS.
As I said, we are done with it. We will leave it be if BC does. But we know that's not going to happen.
We don't want to be your friend, or even speak to you, BC. So please, if you are on here, just don't address us and it will be fine.
J and L
Ok, J and L, I totally respect your stance. I'm just a wouss, a puss? (spelling) in this whole blog blow up. I want to be Switzerland, land of good chocolate.
Bye silence!
original punks, you're not going to dislike me because I talked to BC are you?
Because I like you! *looks up imploringly with big blue eyes*
carrie I spell it wuss.
but it could be otherwise
Well then wuss it is, because I always trust people with an accent, they just sound so darned intelligent. :) Ok, it is insanely late here in the USA, and I have to be someone in the morning, so I bid you all goodnight. Thanks for being here!
Thank you, Carrie.
Chocolate is always good, especially Swiss!
You know the sad thing is, J and I are usually two of the most upbeat and loving people on here. But there are just some things that on principle we have to say.
We WANT to have things back the way they were. Sadly, it will never be the same, but we can bring back some of those friendships and fun.
But we are not called Original PUNKS for nothing. We believe in our ideals, and just can't turn off our feelings for certain actions.
We do hope everyone understands. As I said, if you read our posts, we try like Hell to keep everyone together and happy. Hopefully, we will all heal in our own time.
Love,
L and J
Goodnight Carrie! xx
Absolutely not, Cupcake! You are always welcomed by us and in our blog as well.
It's not by association. Everyone has the right to talk to and like anyone they want. This was a personal matter.
I don't think we've talked, by the way, and I would like to officially say "Hello!" and "How are you?"
L and J
Original Punks, L and J, I admire your morals and integrity, I just want you to know that.
I'm good..ish! long story, and you?
Cupcake,
Thank you so much. That really means a lot to us!
It's been a rough week, maybe tomorrow will be better.
Goodnight to all, we will see you tomorrow.
Pactum Serva, now more than ever.
L and J
night carrie
I have to go to, dinner to prepare,
seeya everyone, talk next time..
byeeeeee!!!!
Goodnight, Carrie.
Sweet dreams!
L and J
You're welcome OP"s, see ya ergo!
Love to you all!
XX
Did someone say chocolate???
Mayo: It's late, and I'm tired. So I'll just say that being straightforward becomes you, and leave it at that. For now.
Eat a few burgers, would you? My rabid badgers could take you down!
*peels Ernie off Miss T's leg*
Hey, everyone.
Are we still on flaws, guys?
Sheeeeit, I could be here for a week!
I'm intolerant of stupidity.
I have more mood swings than a porcupine has quills.
I think, talk, type & drive too quickly.
I'll tell literally anyone off, if they do something that pisses me off.
I'm empathetic, and too patient at times. I'll put up with untold amounts of bullshit before I do anything about it.
I have a loooooooong memory, and a short temper.
Intimacy issues - told you guys that already.
If a guy appears to be interested, I don't trust him. If I'm the one who's interested, I run the other way if I find out it's mutual.
I can think of a bazillion more, but - oh yeah, another flaw - I talk too much. ^_^
Nite, all.
See you guys in the AM!
(I have to be up in 5 1/2 hours; bleh!)
PS - Amyranth, I'm really sorry about your friend. ;_;
Sis M, hello and goodbye hun! xx
I lurk, but never really have anything to contribute because honestly by the time I get here there's over 1000 posts and I get lost in everyones conversations...
But I had to ask...
"They played 'Desert Song'? I'm so jealous."
...if I can hang out in the so jealous corner? That song gives me chills esp. at very high volumes. It's rare a song does that to me now a days.
I agree with you nobody! stunning song.
I hate calling you nobody, it feels mean! XD
hello there mayo,
i don't address you much i know, i don't know why, may be i feel a little self conscious talking to you whoever you may be and may be also cos i don't always know what to say to you.
anyway i just wanted to say thanks for your last post. it meant alot to me really. whoever you are i think you are a good person and a caring one or you wouldn't have bothered sticking around. and i love the way you write, i think you're smart and interesting.
i'm definitely one of the ones on here that doesn't open up that much and i'm really only a small part of the family but i feel i am part of the family. i am by nature quite a forgiving person,may be a little gullible and i hate confrontation. that is why i have hated the atmosphere in here like everyone else.
i've really enjoyed coming here and sharing this place with such fun, witty, intelligent, slightly mad people. sometimes real life isn't much fun and i found coming here was a much needed break away from real life. but then this place started becoming as shit as real life can be and that felt horrible.
it seems happier in here now so i hope we can keep it that way.
what got me the most, and its a very small thing but it really got me, was that you signed in under your name over there and you never did that here (ok you have since but never before) that hurt a bit i guess.
anyway enough said.
hello to anyone here. i haven't read all the comments but for me my favs so far and one of the reasons this place has been so great:
elena said...
I suck in the kitchen. (that just sounded totally wrong)
November 16, 2007 3:10 AM
kapunua said...
I have been asked to reveal myself to you.
Think about rephrasing that one. And put it away.
November 16, 2007 3:15 AM
Elena said...
Mayonaise said...
I will eat. But actually, that was a metaphor.
Actually you may have meant it as a metaphor but dude seriously eat something.
November 16, 2007 3:56 AM
elena and kapunua you made me laugh out loud this morning reading those and for that i thank you!!
Mayo,
I have read your words, though it seems you won't read mine!
There are lots of factors in this craziness.
I am stupid and naive, that is all. It's just a shame others can't see this and think I would willingly be a part of it.
I want to stay around for you and the others Mayo, but I'm not sure I can.....the hate on here will eventually consume us all.
Finally, I gather myself to comment.
Hello Mayo,
Just wanted to stop by and say hello. In a way, its pretty selfish of me to have never asked how you were, considering the fact that I've been around all this time. Then again, you already have so many that care and worry about you, and unlike these people, I just never had anything witty or productive to say.
I like this new post of yours. It's refreshing. It makes me want to stay here, or perhaps even comment a little more in the future... We'll see.
Anyway, take care of yourself Mayo and know that I support you just as much as everyone else, only thing different is that I do it silently.
Much love.
Understandable, Mayo.
Cause I know if you got me all wrong, you'd have a pissed off princess. Just kiddin'. Not really.
It's no longer about you, huh? True, we come here for each other now, too. Don't ever think for a second, that the reason for us coming here in the first place has changed. That reason would be you. You make me laugh, you piss me off, you make me worry and I don't even know you.
Damn, I'd almost think I was married to you. Scary.
Hope you are doing well, today. If you need us, we are here. Obviously. Haven't left, have we? Glad you have stuck around as well.
XOXO,
Princess
Mayo,
My friend, How are you doing this fantabulous Friday? I bet you feel better getting some of that out and off your chest. Nice, honest, and straightforward...now I miss the cryptic shit just a little. Fuck, you can't please us all, can you? Me? I'm pretty okay today. Still half asleep, but giving a fuck.
I go back to what I said earlier. When I first came here, I came for YOU and I still come for YOU, but now I also come for myself and my family here. I'm sorry for babbling way earlier to you on the other blog. I know in your own way that you are trying to feel me and you are much closer than I realize.
Here's to you today. May you find everything nice, needed, and new. Keeping it simple today, my friend.
Simple.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. Needing all of this
Good morning all, good morning Mayo.
Mayo, i do not come here because i think you are Gerard, I might at first...but now it is for this, what i am doing right now...just talking to friends
I did not join the hate BC club...or ride the fuck u mayo train....i am just here for the enjoyment of friends.....
and that is all.
Some ask you are you Gerard, and you answer half no....half yes...
I guess fifty/fifty is for us to decide.
There is not much i can say......me a loss for words....a..first!
I have to work now....catch all of you later.
Keep the good in here...and the hate out.
Later
I liked how you revealed yourself and I think I will do the same. I am (a/an) daughter, sister, sometimes shitty friend, middle class, southerner, music lover, girlfriend, wanna be singer, manic mood swinger, believer, bitch, fuck up, damaged beyond repair, writer, doodler, listener, open-mind, foul mouth, addict, trainwreck, faithful heart, lost little girl.
Now, we're even...
That was fun.
Thank you.
Hello eveyone!
Mayo, good morning, hope you're well hun, have you eaten?
And everyone else HI!!!!! miss me?
Go on, pretend you did?
sdock10, what a great idea!
Shall I reveal myself?
oh well thanks mayo, the second post without any cryptic, good for me, as you can see, english is not my motherlanguage so sometimes I really struggle with your cryptic words. shame on me I guess...
anyway, good to see, that you know what damage all of this caused, so maybe we can all calm down now and start again...
I wish all of you guys a nice friday *hugs*
Yes let's all of us do that, cupcake.
Please
Hi pixie! it's lonely in here, are you leaving?
Guys, I am at work so I will be off and on all day, but please let's play the reveal yourself game. It will be fun.
Cupcake is:
I'm old enough to know better and to young to care.
I'm bipolar, with an anxiety disorder to boot.
I'm contradictory and moody.
I dropped out of art college because the pressure to create was too much.
I will now, for the time being, become a hair stylist and model because that's what I'm good at and it pays the rent.
I have two boyfriends, both are ok with it, or so they say, but I know they're not.
I only love one of them, but I'm just not attracted to him sexually. Other than that he's my soulmate, but he loves me, so to make him smile, I'm his girl, first and foremost.
The second guy is too young and too naive, but I can't bare to dump him.
So clearly I suck at decision making.
Sometimes I wish some one would be willing to do it for me.
I wish sometimes I could be a child again. I'd love nothing more than to get into bed and have a story read to me.
I carry a toy cat around.
I rely on xanax to function.
I was sexually assaulted at a pool once. Apparently being 'a fox' means you're asking for it.
I've kissed a girl.
I've fallen in love with a boy who abandoned me after many months of my dramas.
I won't let myself be happy because I still wish for prince charming.
My biggest fear is I will never get where i want, I fear I'll lose my looks and be a crazy old woman who dies alone.
I'm allergic to mushrooms and zombie films are my addiction.
This is me... or a tiny part of me, and god it feels good to let it out.
I could go on forever.
cupcake,
That was amazing. Now I wish I had revealed even more.
Those little blue footballs are the ticket, aren't they? Fuck yeah. Sometimes I wish I had a 5 gallon bucket full.
Wish you were here to cut my fucking hair for me....
oh well, oh well
Back to work I go.
Thanks sdock, it was so very refreshing....
I think I might bore everyone to tears and continue! XD
MAYO,
the metaphor at the end,
p.s. my fear, again...and I am hungry, but often I forget to eat.
Do you mean your fear is that you are in so much need of being heard that you forget to listen?
and im guessing that applies to us also huh?
Hope everyone is ok today. Especially you mayo
Carry on, Carry on, Cupcake.
Let it all out.
Doesn't it feel so damn good....
Hi Shame In Me!
Mayo,
You forgot... enigmatic, cryptic mind messer. Aaaargh!
Just when I think I have you sorted, you make me flip-flop my decision again. As often as from post to post, or even within 24 hours. But that's what you do.
Regardless of who you are, the change has been good, because you sure were an uptight little bugger when you started.
There's no more look at me and my problems but more openess and good manners... even when the tenants and squatters of your blog party up a storm or the sheeps**t hits the fan.
Personal growth can't be helped around here. We feed on the wisdom, wit, and humour of those regular contributors and we reflect on ourselves and our lives.
*feeling rather nauseous from over indulgence of cliches - reaches for very large bucket*
Hi sd10, cupcake and lurkers.
'scuse me and my bucket.
Cupcake... continued...
I can't cook pancakes, it's the only thing I always ruin, apart from relationships.
I speak as I type, everything I'm typing now, I'm saying out loud.
I pull my hair out when I'm nervous or bored, which is often, but that's ok, I have thick hair.
I desperately want to be as independent and fierce as my mother, and though i want, no need to be in a band,and travel, a large part of me really wouldn't mind settling down in the suburbs and making pie.
And I'm ashamed of that.
The toy cat i carry around is my security blanket, i don't carry him to the shops, but he always comes in the car.
I live off lemonade. That's all I have now, lemonade and xanax, I just cant seem to eat.
I don't sleep, there's no time.
I used to be so afraid of germs i wouldn't let boyfriends kiss me.
I love the muppet show and candy canes at xmas.
I love zombie films.
I can run in high heels, bake cookies and play baseball like no other.
I hate Brad Pit.
I hate how good i am at appearing fine.
I hate how i can't eat anymore.
i love Pink Floyd.
I'm so random I can't make this mini biography make sense.
I'm a lover and a fighter and a narcissist, a humanitarian, a believer, a carer, a giver, a taker, a lier, a slut, a straight A student, a college drop out.
I am the Madonna and the Whore.
Sometimes I loose who I really am.
I'm so busy being what others want.
Funnily enough, here, right now... I'm being 100% honest.
Hi PP... pp hehe sounds like pee pee... sorry dude, I had to go there!
cupcake,
That honesty thing happens sometimes around here. It's weird though, because Blogbelieve can also be just as concealing.
Damnit, I want to keep playing too.
I promise to come back and add to mine. I keep thinking of shit.
Hey PP, Hey anyone I might've missed.
It's funny talking on the net actually... You can be as full of shit as you like, or actually have the freedom to be honest.
I know exactly what you mean!
The first time I saw it abbreviated I had the urge to rush to the nearest facility. Blasted subliminals.
Now forever known as the incontinant pickled possum.
We need faster connections cupcake. We're running backwards here.
Theres an incontinent possum living under my floor... i believe it's rather gassy too..
incontinent*
Not a word I'm familiar with. No need for the disinfectant just yet.
I know PP *tries not to laugh*
It's very confusing!
Fooled you cupcake. That's just some hiding sheep down there. I'm up in the tree with mayo's owl.
incontinent*
Oh crap.. and there I was thinking i could spell...
We need those little arrows where you point back to a previous paragraph in a script and say 'insert here'.
Ahhh! it's all mucked up!
We keep talking about different things and my tiny brain hurts!
We really do!
No, I can't spell incontinent, you were correct, cupcake. Where are those redirection arrows when you need them?
All those years doing literature at university and I still can't spell.
Oooohh, this should be very, very interesting today.
Ok, so who is Smoke&Venom20?
She is…….
Daughter to an obsessive compulsive mother who I do love dearly
Sister to Satan, nah, just Sdock10
Wife of a reluctant “recovering” addict/alcoholic who also has an undiagnosed bipolar condition
Mother to one of the most well-mannered 7 year olds you will ever meet but he does have a wicked sense of humor (One of his favorite songs now? Astrozombies. Love him to pieces. I swear if he doesn’t become president someday, he is gonna be a rock star)
I go to work everyday to an unfulfilling job at a hospital but I love these people I work with. Most of them, anyway.
I focus on my outward appearance 99% of the time instead of my real feelings. If I feel like I look good on the outside, then to hell with everything else. It does get me in trouble.
I have a hard time giving other people compliments.
I do like to be the center of attention.
I cannot survive without my coffee in the morning and my Coke during the day.
I am a master manipulator.
I have a tendency to be brutally honest with other people about their problems, but not my own.
I have a hard time showing my true self to others, even like this.
And I guess in some ways, I do act like a princess.
There is a lot more to me than just this, but yeah, you know. I already feel like I have revealed tooooo much. Or did I reveal anything at all?
Faith, Hope and Love…….for real, people.
Love you all!
Princess
If we are confusing ourselves have pity on those lurking and backreading later going, "What the hell was that all about? I'm just not getting it."
Ahh well, we all slip up PP.... I just like saying PP.
I really do have the mind of an eight year old boy! XD
That was nice S&V20.
s&v, I think I'm in love!
As long as I'm not talking with an 8 year old boy!
No, cupcake is a young woman, I swear!
Phew. I felt a bit awkward there for a moment, cupcake.
I guess a boy would probably have been called Magnatron or Defender Of The Universe anyway.
Ya know, I think everyone should wake the hell up and come entertain me!
Haha wonderful names you came up with there possum (shall I call you that, rather than PP?)
Yes, get your butts back.
We should put up the open home signs for mayo, do you think he will mind?
Haha wonderful names you came up with there possum (shall I call you that, rather than PP?)
PP's fine. I've had way more embarrassment than a few letters in my life.
I'm sure he wouldn't... would you Mayo dear? *puppy dog eyes*
Here's more from me:
I have to take at least 3 pills to put me to sleep. I am in a relationship with someone who is not in love with me but says he loves me. I'm no longer sure if I am in love with him. I give love freely to everyone else, but can't love myself. I keep myself busy so I don't have time to focus on me. I'm a sloppy dresser. I could be a better housekeeper. My desk is messy. I sleep with a night light or a tv on. I feel alone most of the time. I'm emotional. I feel everything and everyone.
ok, must go back to work AGAIN!
sdock, I share your pain! I too fell everything!
It hurts to be alive because I care so very much about everyone.
Please mayo?
I just watched Desert Song from the London show. Wow! I had tears it was so beautiful. Thank you MCR.
Come on Mayo... I'll take silence as a yes.........
I think that's a yes PP!
Sd10... words fail. You have a lot to give. I'm sorry it's not returned. Learn to love yourself, be confident in yourself. Learn to grow and surround yourself with those that do love you. You have a super sister. That's a fantastic start.
Good morning everyone. Can get a "Fuck yeah it's Friday?"
I loved reading everyone's explanation of themselves. I am going to give it a shot.
I am not sure who I am half of the time and what my purpose is in all of this.
I love everyone, almost to a fault.
I have no problem calling people out in my own life; and I expect the same in return.
I am overly analytical.
I am in a career I hate and I hate waking up in the morning to face the day.
I have a graduate degree and still paying student loans.
I am an artist, have been all of my life. I was a classically trained ballet dancer, but lost that dream because of an eating disorder. I still continue to dance to this day, just not professionally. I have still have a fear of becoming a bigger girl - I don't eat as much as I should.
I love to laugh and cuss and hang out with the boys. I love hardcore and punk music and will jump in the pit any chance I get. Going to see live music is my passion. I have never seen MCR live. :(
I am girly but I can out belch my guy friends. That's what growing up with three brothers will do to ya.
I question everything.
Damn, I have a lot more, but that's it for now. That was fun!
Woohoo, cupcake!
Oh PP you are so right.
anima, marry me, you're a loverly soul.
Sdock, your post made me sad - the part about you and your boyfriend. Do not sell yourself short. You deserve to have someone fall all over you - if you two are falling out of love, then you need to move on. It is not worth stretching it out any longer.
Also, I would have never pegged you as the messy kind. :) I am a neat freak. I allow things to get messy, but can't stand it for too long.
Awww Cupcake, thank you. :) That just made my fucking day!
Anima,
That was lovely.
*wonders furtively if maybe should do something as well*
Cupcake,
It looks like we aren't needing those signs after all.
Pickled Possum, go for it. I would love to hear about you!
More on cupcake:
I am quite obviously self obsessed, I seem to give the impression I love myself and my life, but I don't.
People are always telling me how well I'm doing.
"it's amazing you're not dead".....
They don't know though.
My life was never THAT hard.
There is poverty and war.
Children without food, shelter and family.
So many people are alone without a soul who cares.
I always had my Mother at least.
So boo hoo Daddy didn't love me.
I refuse to be that cliche.
I am not brave. I'm just alive is all.
You're welcome Anima, I meant every word! and do share PP! I'd love to hear!
My apologies for my own inane babbling! no idea where it's coming from! XD
I am sad a lot of the time, but grateful for my blessings. I take life, my family, and my friends for granted. I have a heart that is breaking but full. I am incomplete but waiting.
This explains it all:
We hold in our hearts the sword and the faith
Swelled up from the rain, clouds move like a wraith
Well after all, we'll lie another day
And through it all, we'll find some other way
To carry on through cartilage and fluid
And did you come to stare or wash away the blood?
Well tonight, well tonight
Will it ever come?
Spend the rest of your days rocking out
Just for the dead
Well tonight
Will it ever come?
I can see you awake anytime, in my head
Did we all fall down?
Did we all fall down?
Did we all fall down?
Did we all fall down?
From the lights to the pavement
From the van to the floor
From backstage to the doctor
From the Earth to the morgue, morgue, morgue, morgue
Well tonight
Will it ever come?
Spend the rest of your days rocking out
Just for the dead
Well tonight
Will it ever come?
I can see you awake anytime in my head
All fall down
Well after all
Cupcake, I had a "daddy doesn't love me" thing growing up. I felt like it was impossible too please him. Never 'daddy's little girl' for me. But eventually I called him out on the whole thing and the results were beyond my wildest dreams. A lot of his behavior was because of how he was raised. It was truly heart-wrenching. To see my father actually cry for the first time and to apologize for being so shitty was not what I expected. We are so close now and am thankful that I had the courage to stand up to him. Do not know your story, but I thought I would share.
.
.
.
Speaking of the career I hate, I need to go. I have been a huge slacker this week.
I will be back soon to catch up with everyone's stories.
Desert song makes me cry... always.
Doesn't help that I'm currently having a rather intense emailing session with my boyfriend.
I smell a break up.
Sdock, thank you for posting that song. One of my favorites.
*puts head-phones on and goes back to working*
Thank you for sharing anima, My Daddy was never really there. He left my Mother and I when i was a baby.
He wasn't a bad man... he just couldn't deal I guess.
We weren't enough.
Good idea Cupcake!
At work.right now
Just getting my fix
In the darkroom
Developing xrays
Hoping they do not get
Lightstruck.
More later but for now
Somethibg you all
Already know about me:
Ridiculously, sometimes pointlessly
Quixotic
Kapunua
"And did you come to stare or wash away the blood?"
My absolute favorite line....
Mayo,
You know what? I think I'm giving way too much of a fuck today. Fuck-giving Friday..
Feel me?
Also Mayo, why don,t you
Say hello to that Ghost
Yourself.
It,s as simple as picking
Up the phone.
Don,t know either of you but
Pretty sure
He loves you
Stupid.
I should take my own advice.
Love to all!
K
Fuck Friday... Friday of the fifty fucksd... Friday the fuckingest... nah, none are catchy *sighs*
Hi K!
Shit! This working thing is just not working.
I saw your post about being in the darkroom. :( I miss the darkroom. Another dream lost. I know you are doing x-rays, but it still made me think back. I am still trying to get a darkroom set up in my house. (Still having trouble getting into the digital thing.) There is nothing like being in the darkroom alone, listening to music. God - do I miss it. I wish I was doing that right now. It would bring me so much happiness.
Hi K! sorry for not saying hi earlier, how rude of me!
Cupcake may be screwing up majorly again... not sure.
Mayo, K is right --- call him damnit!
P.S. Sorry we are flooding your house again with things about us. But if feels so damn good.
Come to your home sometime today - we will listen, I will listen. I may not always get what you are throwing, but I try my best. We are here for you - Always!
Giving a fuck Friday, is fucked up.
I wish I could go back to not giving a fuck Thursay.
Feel me?
Cupcake, don't do that! I always walk away for a bit when I am faced with the chance of screwing up. Sometimes taking a step back can bring everything back into focus. Come back when it is clearer.
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