I am sad, no I am devastated.
Never once has this been about favoritism, cliques, or status. I just couldn’t fucking hear with all the noise and needed a little space.
I needed a place where it could be less abstract for me, and for you. I guess perhaps I am a cheap, greedy man.
I can’t stress enough the fact that it was your intense camaraderie that led me to believe that you all had some sort of life line with each other. You finish each others sentences like an old married couple, it's beautiful to see.
I made a mistake by asking one of you to deliver my message, and I am sorry.
In defense of the visitors, they only did as I requested, by keeping the space until I needed it.
I was not attempting to conceal anything. Mayonaise is for you to share, for everyone. It became more your home than mine, and that is amazing.
Kapunua, I would like to speak directly to your recent post, and in doing so speak to everyone. First, thank you. My gratitude may be expected but it carries an enourmous amount of worth. Second, I know that you are not naïve. For you to consider that I would exclude you, or anyone else is to say that you never heard me. And I know that each of you hear me. You are all my insight and my mirror. It is you that I look toward to pass judgment on me, and you have. I have failed you.
I am sorry.
P.S. Please stay, all of you, stay…not for me, but for each other.
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«Oldest ‹Older 1001 – 1121 of 1121Good night Pj
I'm drunk on e-vodka.
See you later Pj and sis m.
Sis m, I'll look out for Ernie but I'm tucking my pants in my socks.
Hi, MissT! Hi PJ and hi Sis Midnite! So good to read you 'round these parts. ^_^
K,
That was pretty fun talking to you while you were at work.
I enjoyed it.
Made me feel productive again.
hey nice anon are you the smashing pumpkin anon also? the lyrics to mayonaise ring true. maybe mayo's whole life has just been game after game i dont know.
Anybody still up in here?
*RW has just returned from the London show*
Well said Kapunua. I was imagining the whole pack behavior too. And I agree 100% that this whole thing is not entirely one person's fault.
Sdock, I am so touched in the head. In fact I enjoy it very much! ;)
300 proof - *takes a swig* shit that stuff is smoove....
Hi MJ!
How was it rw? please tell :)
Hello rw
Thanks Kapunua.
RW, Hi sweetie. Do tell. Did you have the bestest time?
Hello RW,
Please spill all.....
Hi Anima. I think kapu got it right.
Hi guys :)
Actually, it was a total blast (MSI notwithstanding). I even wore my costume though I had decied earlier in the day I wasn't going to (it went over REALLY well, especially yhe hat). The only thing that put a damper on the evening was that Frank wasn't there.
Eliza Bennett is, for me, the ultimate heroine and she got really lucky!
Jane Eyre is a lovely book-she eventually lived happy ever after.
One of my favourite living authors is Fannie Flagg (I love her depiction of American life and her characters soon become friends of mine-"crazy"?!?).
I really would not worry about any alternat blogs-they are only as good as the contributors and lets face it Miricle Whip Me is as boring as watching paint dry.
Cheers! (raises glass with large vodka, soda water, 2 slices of lime and ice).
Gerard made a comment about the London crowd being the biggest they had ever played to. He also said that even though there were only three of them on tour right now, what with Bob and FRank being out, but that they weren't going to let that stop them. Guess the tour shall go on. Strange, though, that they cancelled the Maine show because of Bob's injury, but played shows where both Bob and Frank were out. Not sure how that works.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_1MR2XOjz4
I really love this song and video I hope you guys do to.
RW, gerard made no mention of either of them at my show, strange.
Rw did you get close to the front? How did gerard look? was it a normal show? I hope it was great
What else, what else, RW??
Need more
*takes another shot of vodka*
Hey guys!
Anima and Kapunua, I had to read what you both wrote. I couldn't agree more.
*HUG*
How is everyone?
Maybe I'll talk to you all later
Resurrected Wreck, I missed you sweetie!! *HUG*
Please tell us more!
Welcome back RW! SO, forget about the music, the important thing to focus on here--at least according to the way Gerard's acted since like July--is, what did he have written on himself? And of course, did The LOOOVAAAHHS have matching clothing. You know, all that meaningful stuff.
Ray who?
No, but seriously, I hope you had a great time. ^_^ I wish you'd show some pics of you in your outfit!
martha thats a beautiful song thankyou for sharing i have never heard it before i love the video :)
Hi PaperheartXX!!
Awwh, bye elena!! *HUG*
Elena, I hope so.
Hi Paperheart.
RW, gerard made no mention of either of them at my show, strange.
Really? He said that there were only three band members on the stage right now. He mentioned Bob by name & his injury, but didn't actually mention Frank.
Hey Kapunua!! *HUG*
How are you today?!
bye elena :)
Hey Miss Tottenham! *HUG*
Bye, Elena Catch ya tomorrow
Yeah so like what did he say??
Hi RW, Elena, and Paperhearts.
Anon, thank you for posting those lyrics.
SIM, here take a shot. It's damn good.
Goodbye those are leaving.
Ummm, did I catch it all? Trying to multitask and failing miserably.
Rw did you get close to the front? How did gerard look? was it a normal show? I hope it was great
I was nowhere near the front of the stage, but wasn't as far back as I thought I was going to be. I didn't, however, get a very good look at the band members. There were no video screens, and from where I was sitting all i could really make out was who was who. Gerard looked thin, but not unhealthily so.
It wasn't a Black Parade show, so it looks like the Mexico show really was the last one of those. We'll have to see what goes down in Australia though before we can really be sure, I guess.
Goodnight elena hello Ph and sim I"m glad you liked it.
Ohh yes RW! Tell us everything!! =]
*giggles* I feel like a little kid in a candy store! =]
Resurrected Wreck, I missed you sweetie!! *HUG
God, I've missed you guys too!!
*hugs back hard*
Hey Anima and Martha!!*HUG*
I hope poor little Frank is not being purposefully omitted from mention. Bless him!
Sound like you had a great time RW.
So, what are you going to be doing for the rest of your London stay?
MJ, thank you for posting that video. I love it!
Do you have flaws? I do.
I'm vilely impatient. Once I have my mind on something, it HAS TO BE DONE NOWNOWNOW.
I go too fast. Typing, thinking, talking, acting. And when others can't keep up, I want to punch them. I know that's a terrible trait. It goes back to the lack of patience.
OTOH, if I can't keep up, I want to punch myself and I beat myself up over it for weeks. I feel like that in Kung Fu once in a while when Beautiful Boy (my training brother) just flies ahead of the rest of the class.
I also drive like a demon on fire. And if someone ahead of me is going too slowly and I can't change lanes, I will ride their ass and pull their hair. This is even if I'm not in a rush to get anywhere.
Left to my own devices though, I will sit down all day and do nothing. I'm the laziest cow on some days and I am not a self-motivator.
Seeing people get jerked around makes me go too crazy. I should try to care a little less, but I can't.
Maybe my worst one of all is not letting people get near me. It usually takes me years to make close friends, and the whole dating thing, forget it. When boys start calling me "theirs" I run like hell the other way. I convince myself that they're going to try to change me, so I don't usually give them a chance. Once the snoogly pet names come out, I want to vunch them. I am much too I AM I and I should ease up.
What are your worst flaws?
what did he have written on himself? And of course, did The LOOOVAAAHHS have matching clothing. You know, all that meaningful stuff.
I didn't see anything written on him at all. Granted, i wasn't near the stage, but I think I was close enough to have seen any telltale Sharpie etchings.
Also, no smooching the wife before Cancer. Apart from when MSI were on, LynZ was, happily, conspicuous by her absence.
No, but seriously, I hope you had a great time. ^_^ I wish you'd show some pics of you in your outfit!
Aha! I now have some! However, they weren't tken with a digital camera, so I probably won't be able to post them, But now that I've gotten the whol ensemble, I can get a friend back home to take some when I get back.
Everyone..
Group hug?!
*HUG*
Thanx anima *knocks shot back* damn that was good, i'll have 4 more of those. Help me get to sleep.
Rw there wernt any screens at sheffield either i was so lucky to be up at the front because they would have looked like ants if i had been seated all the way at the back. whats the o2 arena like? is it huge? Glad you had a good night though and you wore your costume
As far as MCR, right now I just hope more than anything that Frank and his world are all okay.
Yeah so like what did he say??
Honestly, i missed a lot of the banter, as during the time between songs I was eplaining the band & songs to my friend, who really doesn't know much about MCR.
RW, thank you for sharing. Makes me sad that Frank's name wasn't mentioned. :(
Anima I'm glad you loved it.
Oooh welcome Eliza! *HUG*
Kapunua;
I speed through everything. I can't walk slow, I can't read slow, I can't type slow. I am like you in that way Kapunua. It feels like I don't have any time to finish everything. I'm scared to start something then never finish it.
I'll think of more, don't worry!
Resurrected, I am very very happy you had fun! Did you buy any merch?
Kapu a lot of our flaws are the same ones.
Sound like you had a great time RW.
I enjoyed it a heck of a lot more than I expected to. To be honest, when i heard Frank wasn't going to be there I really lost heart about the show. But once I got there & felt the buzz around me (the London crowd was GREAT) there was really no way to not love it. I sang along to most of the songs (even though I'm a lousy singer!).
So, what are you going to be doing for the rest of your London stay?
Tomorrow my friend and I are going to explore Greenwich and take a Haunted London walking tour (we're just going to play the rest of the day by ear). Saturday I meet up with GS at Covent Garden, and Sunday I fly home.
How was your show, by the way. I scrolled back, but couldn't find your review.
Biggest flaws?
I'm impatient to the point of blowing up. I swear my blood pressure goes straight through the roof.
I'm a terrible teacher because I'm impatient. I just can't understand how someone can't just get it.
I have ADD I think because I love to start all kinds of things but never finish.
I'm terribly empathetic to the point where it affects my life daily. Some would say it's a good thing....I dunno.
I have severe mood swings.
I'm sure I'll think of more.
I'm going to run out for a bit.
K - I have a lot of flaws, I will get back to you on that one.
Thanks Paperhearts - I love group hugs. *squeeze*
Bye for now. :)
whats the o2 arena like? is it huge?
Yes! and it was PACKED!
Glad you had a good night though and you wore your costume
I#m glad I wore it too. I waffled all day about whether or not I was going to. But in the end I did because i figured that if i came all this way & didn't I would have regretted it.
2.) I can't sleep with any light. I am the complete opposite of people scared of the dark. Also, If there is a tv too loud, or people talking, I tell them to shut up or I turn down the tv/music.
Goodbye Anima! *HUG*
Group hugs do rock my socks, but I don't think anyone else got the memo about it.. =[
As far as MCR, right now I just hope more than anything that Frank and his world are all okay.
Same. I guess apart from 'personal issues', no one really knows what's going on there, do they? Rumours are running rampant on the forums, of course.
Ooo a hunted walk, that sounds great.
Say hello to GS from me.
My show was fantastic. Try from the top down. I did review the lot, in parts. I split it up.
I was on the second row and that was brilliant.
I've seen MCR three times now and all three times I've been on the second row, spooky eh?
RW, thank you for sharing. Makes me sad that Frank's name wasn't mentioned. :(
I really really missed Frank. Missed Bob too. Ironically, this was supposed to be the show where I finally got to see the band as a whole (Mikey was gone for the other two MCR shows i saw).
See you later anima
take a Haunted London walking tour
I did that when I went to London. It was fantabulous. ^_^
Sdock, I'm the same way with teaching things! Although I try, very very hard to be patient with people just learning. Sometimes my frustration shows.
Resurrected, I am very very happy you had fun! Did you buy any merch?
I didn't buy any. I usually don't at concerts. Most stuff can just be bought online anyway.
I was on the second row and that was brilliant.
Wow! Were you on the floor? You must have gotten to the arena very early to score that place!
Like you Kapunua it takes a long time for someone to become a friend. i can honestly say the most recent friend I acquired was 6 years ago. I have 6 friends-these are people I will know forever and I can rely on them in bad and good times. Personally I think this is a strength as I see how people can get hurt by being let down by fair weather friends.
As for flaws-they are too numerous to list but I think my biggest one is that I expect too much from people in respect of integrity and basic intelligence. If they do not meet the standard I tend to withdraw from knowing them-this can be difficult in terms of work.
I tend to be wary of men who are nice to me (trust issues). Unfortunately I have allowed one bad experience cloud the rest. It usually feels better to know that no one can hurt you although I recognise that this is not healthy. Oh well, I pity the poor man who will try to break down the barriers.
RW, I got there at 3:30pm. I peed in the bushes so that I didn't have to waste time with the loo inside.
RW, I got there at 3:30pm. I peed in the bushes so that I didn't have to waste time with the loo inside.
Haha! That's dedication for you!
Paperheart
"Hug" right back at ya. xxx
Well, it's nearly 2am here now so I should head to bed. I may not be back on again until I return home on Sunday, so I wish you all a good night & a pleasant weekend :)
I am also highly critical of myself and others. I think people should do shit right...the way I do things.
I expect too much from people in respect of integrity and basic intelligence. If they do not meet the standard I tend to withdraw from knowing them...
Man, I do the same thing. Except that sometimes instead of saying "whatever" and taking off, I just beat them down.
I tend to be wary of men who are nice to me (trust issues). Unfortunately I have allowed one bad experience cloud the rest. It usually feels better to know that no one can hurt you although I recognise that this is not healthy. Oh well, I pity the poor man who will try to break down the barriers.
So true for me too. My first thought when a guy shows interest is, "What the hell does this guy want?"
RW,
That's too bad that you haven't seen the full band yet! I've never seen them at all so feel lucky!!
The haunted walking tour thing sounds soo fun! There was one in Winnipeg around Halloween, but I didn't go.
How are you Eliza? ^_^
Sweet Dreams Resurrected Wreck! *HUG*
Say hello to Gnothi Seauton for me when you see her!! *HUG*
Hi everyone!
Just stopping by on my way to bed...pizza has me full and sleepy!
This is so much better...everyone happy and just talking.
I love it!!!
And all of you!
So many hugs!!!
Your little ray of sunshine.
PJ
Have a great weekend RW. See you soon.
PJ, you are a sweetie.
Will do, PH :)
Bye!
Goodnight RW
'Night Miss T :)
G'night MJ :)
Awwh, sweet dreams PJ! *HUG*
I love you too! =]
Bye again RW! *HUG*
I'm also an over-thinker.
I have lots of flaws...lots.
Goodnight RW.
Sdock, At least you can identify your flaws. I can't seem to think of any.
3.) I am way too critical of myself. I force myself to do better, even if I've already given it my all.
4.) Extremely low self-esteem.
It is really wierd but I have known some really nice men but when I think they are getting attached to me I always do what I can to make them move on.
I once went out with a guy who portrayed himself as a man with principles-travelled to mainland Europe on anti right wing political marches. It turned out that he was a two timing bastard. The funny thing was he left me to marry this other girl and she turned out to be the biggest two timing.....(you get the picture). I met him 2 years later and he told me he wished he had married me (I said a silent prayer of thanks that that never happened). Unfortunately it is a case of once bitten twice shy.
Miss Tottenham, we haven't talked much lately.
How are you sweetie?! *HUG*
5.) I apologize too much and I am way too forgiving sometimes. It's not that bad of a trait, but it really bugs me if I can't bring myself to forgive someone.
Eliza, I'm sorry that happened to you. Man, that really does suck.
Sdock, dude, I get the same way. In fact sometimes when I'm trying to delegate different tasks out, I'llg et frustrated and just snap "Never mind!" and do it myself anyway. I take "if you want it done right, do it yourself" way too far.
Paperheart, I've kinda stayed out of the way while you've been giving hugs to people in desperate need of one.
Now that people are OK, we can talk.
hi paperheart, how are you? I'm trying to finish this Egyptian story I've been blogging. not much further to go now.
Hey Miss T!
I am very good. How are you today? I have yet to read a few chapters from your Egyptian story. But don't worry, I will read them! =]
I don't pay attention to myself like I should. I don't go to doctors even when I'm sick. I don't go do girly things like get makeup done, hair done, nails done. I don't pamper myself. I hate to buy things for myself because I feel guilty.
I don't pay attention to myself like I should. I don't go to doctors even when I'm sick. I don't go do girly things like get makeup done, hair done, nails done. I don't pamper myself. I hate to buy things for myself because I feel guilty.
I can't do any of that either Sdock!
6.) I am way to generous. If my friends want to borrow money, I will always give it to them. So far, I'm sure they all owe me a lot.
I hope to finish tonight paperheart.
I always want to believe the best in people. If I have a connection to them in some way I don't want to believe that they would ever do anything bad.
On the other hand, I spoil my sister and my nephew. I love to buy for others.
silly....
Sdock10
We really are all so alike. I had not been to a doctor in 8 years but had to recently. It's because I hate the idea of having to be dependant on any thing (drug) or body for my well being.
I think the not pampering ourselves comes from thinking we would be foolish and there are plenty of other things we could be doing with our time and money. I think we just need to break the habit. I suppose there are times when it is good thing to be selfish.
Kickball tomorrow?
I hope so.
Where is our fabulous Princess anyways?
Yeah, sometimes I think I could stand to maybe be a little more girly, too. All my friends get their nails done and stuff. I can't do that because of martial arts. I don't bother with makeup unless I'm trying to look like a freak. And I cut my own hair. just, randomly, and usually with the surgical scissors at work. O_O
I think my best feature is that I can make friends with anyone. Absolutely anyone.
EB37,
I don't know what my deal is with doctors. It's like I'm scared of finding out something really bad is wrong with me, but then I don't go so I could be dying and not know. It's crazy...irrational fear.
And I just don't know how to be selfish. Not at all.
I have issues...lots of them.
Oh yeah and I hate to fail at something....now, that doesn't mean I try everything and succeed. Most of the time I have to see it as a sure thing with no risk involved, but if I ever take on something that is a challenge, I am hellbent of beating it. To the point of killing myself, sacrificing my own life and happiness to make it work....
Mental much?
Fuck yeah.
Again, snap regarding finding out something really bad is wrong with you. I really have a terrifying fear of needles. I had to have a blood test recently and I actually felt really sorry for the person who had to do it. And I recognise it as an irrational fear because I know it is not going to hurt that much, it is just the very idea of it.
Not everybody is or can be a risk taker. Just try to recognise opportunities that come your way.
And I forgot to add Sdock10 that either alot of us have mental issues or actually we are perfectly normal!!
Ahh I can't think of many flaws, but I know they are there. Help?
My internet connection is so slow tonight.
Weird, usually it doesn't act up until 1800 comments or so.
Yeah, I'm mental but I'm okay with it. Actually, I being touched in the head. It's pretty fun. I can get a lot of strange looks.
ph,
You are too young to have many flaws and I don't think you have any at all. You are still the sweetest, most cutest, most precious little angel here in BlogBelieve.
Mayo,
I have a horrible feeling that you are not going to return. You need us, just as much as we need you.
Please come back to your home.
I met someone once who has Bi Polar Disorder. He was approached randomly in a cafe by a Film Extra company to be a part of a crowd scence in a movie. He was very distinctive looking and was so proud that they did not have to use much make up. He was fabulous.
Thanks Sdock=] *HUG*
I know that I have some, I know it.
Oooh I thought of one while reading you "touched in the head" comment! (didn't Gerard say he was?)
Anyways.
I am very random sometimes. Out of no where, while walking with my friends, or when it gets completely quiet (awkward silences scare me) I will say something like "Would you like a coconut?". Yeah, that makes me think I am special with a capital R
Oh gosh, I thought of two more. First one is that I'm like a pitbull when I think something is funny. A joke can last for years with me. That might not seem so bad, but ask my friends who have known me for years and years, and I'm still using the same punchline. Not only that, but it is still thigh-slappingly hilarious to me.
More seriously, and maybe one of my biggest flaws, is my neurotic worry. I mean, to the point of it being debilitating sometimes. I will worry about things that have yet to happen, and I'll hold onto it for years. It comes and goes in phases. Some months I'll be just fine. Then other times I'll be awake till the small hours thinking "What if something happens to (insert name of family member, pet, or friend...) What would I do? I would mourn so much. I'd never be the same." Then I'll spend hours putting myself in that situation of losing that person and thinking about how terrible it would be. This goes on until at some point I realize that it's not just imagination and thinking the worst, but that it can--and with some people in my life, invariably will--happen, and then it's like total panic in my head.
Man, quit thinking about the worst! Enjoy what you have now. Life is good, chill out.
But don't forget, Grandma is 88.
That's how it plays out. It's ridiculous. Why do I do that to myself?
paperheartxx said...
...special with a capital R
Stealing that phrase. ^_^
Anonymous said...
Mayo,
I have a horrible feeling that you are not going to return. You need us, just as much as we need you.
Please come back to your home.
November 16, 2007 2:50 AM
I know; that random 30STM lyric gave me a bad vibe earlier.
Mayo, don't be a dick. Get back in here, you goddamn cracked out monkey.
Mayo,
How are you right now? Me? I'm ok and I'm actually back to giving a fuck about...well everything. I was having a tough morning. I wasn't angry and I know you understand.
Remember, I asked you a question. I've been thinking a lot about it and I wrote you something. I even put it on my blog just because I kind of liked the way it sounded and how it felt writing it.
So here goes:
How do you put feelings on a page? How can you keep words from losing their real meaning or becoming lost in the translation? Can you really feel me? My concern? My frustration? My fears? My self hatred? My love? My hopes? My anger? My faith? How can I help you understand that there is nothing between us? No walls, no lies, no secrets, no masks. Just empty space. Just us. Would it become real for you if the paper were left soaking wet? Would you trust me if I dipped my pen in my veins and wrote the words in my own blood? Would that be enough to make you believe again?
Will you ever believe again?
My eyes are bloodshot and my arms are scarred.
Let me try once more....
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. Soggy paper falls apart and your hands are stained red. Do you feel me now?
Kapunua
From someone who has lost grandparents and parents it really is not something you should think about.
Enjoy them all and make sure you ask all the questions you might ever want an answer to. That is probably my only regret that there are family things that I would now like to know but will not know cos there is noone to ask.
I am now going to say "goodnight" to you all. It has been lovely talking to you and I hope I can catch up with you later during the weekend.
Kapunua,
You can steal it all you'd like! ^_^
Words of wisdom, Eliza. Seriously, I should totally just enjoy what I have, the people who are in my life instead of wasting time fretting over what could happen to them.
I try to be like that, but sometimes it's hard. You know, like at 2 AM. ^_^
Have a good night. :D
Eliza, sweet dreams sweetie! *HUG*
Glad to meet you!<3
Well guys, I'm off for the night. My dude is home and I must go to sleep when he does or he'll think I'm in here having an online orgy.
anyways....
Talk to ya'll tomorrow.
Love ya'll,
S
Love you always Sdock. *HUG*
Sweet Dreams<3
P.S. You are aware there is a new Mayo post aren't you?! =]
hello. anybody here?
Hey Fimble, new post:P
Hey Mayo.
Backtracking here. I'm doing a lot of thinking, hunting, whatever you wanna call it.
This is you at your most brutally honest, and I wanna say Thanks for it.
-A
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