I can not justify my vacancy. Others have an explicit purpose in maintaining my absence, but I refuse to listen. Breaking free from their arrest, I have found, once again, the courage of my voice. Fuck agendas.
You call me out. Not surprising, as you are all too intelligent to consider blind continuance. Perhaps I shall perceive a familiar face these next few days. Ask and I will listen; I just need to know it is you. As you have surmised, I am not always certain who I will be.
You write of the misadventures of the hearing aid and accessories. I presume in order to provide a premonitory tale. I do concur; but I am not in the league of which you describe, and I do not deserve similar adulation. Your fears flatter, but I do not always feel worthy of their potency. The absence of mine leaves little dust upon that road.
p.s. the key to “Life…” choose every fourth word to find the meaning.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
258 comments:
1 – 200 of 258 Newer› Newest»Oi, achei seu blog pelo google está bem interessante gostei desse post. Gostaria de falar sobre o CresceNet. O CresceNet é um provedor de internet discada que remunera seus usuários pelo tempo conectado. Exatamente isso que você leu, estão pagando para você conectar. O provedor paga 20 centavos por hora de conexão discada com ligação local para mais de 2100 cidades do Brasil. O CresceNet tem um acelerador de conexão, que deixa sua conexão até 10 vezes mais rápida. Quem utiliza banda larga pode lucrar também, basta se cadastrar no CresceNet e quando for dormir conectar por discada, é possível pagar a ADSL só com o dinheiro da discada. Nos horários de minuto único o gasto com telefone é mínimo e a remuneração do CresceNet generosa. Se você quiser linkar o Cresce.Net(www.provedorcrescenet.com) no seu blog eu ficaria agradecido, até mais e sucesso. (If he will be possible add the CresceNet(www.provedorcrescenet.com) in your blogroll I thankful, bye friend).
Now I am confused.
Could you be so obvious?
The journey reflected in your eyes makes sense to none other than you.
You could let us see?
Then you may get a different perception.
Your blogs amuse me even though they aren't real. . .
I thought it was every 23rd word? I saw "the Number 23" last night and it was preposterous, it blew.
I was supposed to be out filming a movie today but one of the actress's sister is in the hospital and it looks like we might have to wait until next week, which also blows.
I'm bored so I'm reading this fake blog.
How is everyone else doing this week? Sister Midnight, BlackHeart13, Smoke&Venom, Ergoproxy and sdock10? Hope you are all doing well.
And, auhea 'oe, e ku'uipo malamalama? Hau'oli'ole, ku'u aloha Ihekoa. Maopopo ia'u, Ihekoa. I know these things, okay? Pa'apu ka hana, I know. Ho'eha'eha i ka na'au. I know.
Please don't underestimate our knowledge 'Mayonaise' or, in your alter ego 'Gerard Way'.
We're not as gullible as you may think, love.
Please don't underestimate our knowledge 'Mayonaise' or, in your alter ego 'Gerard Way'.
We're not as gullible as you may think, love.
Please don't underestimate the huge difference between "your" and "you're."
Are you saying this is some Davinci code shit? Cause I don't know that I'm up for all that today. VERITAVENOM, HELP!!!! Break the code.
Tink, come back! We need you. We need some clarifications. What the hell is he talkin' about?
Mayo, when you say you're not worthy, are you saying point blank that you're not him???? I knew you wouldn't answer anyway. Whatever.
Mayo isn't him, I AM HIM! ^_~
It's funny, everytime someone says "Him" I think of "Him" from Powerpuff girls. It's so bad that when I was watching HIM perform during PR (Sharpie-free!) I kept imagining Him from Powerpuff girls singing the songs instead.
Oh, and Mayo? Your prose is a little purple, bb. "I'm sorry, but my client has become pretentious."
OOOH! Random Monty Python quote FTMFW!
Anything goes in!
Anything goes out!
Fish, bananas,
old pajamas,
mutton, beef and trout!
"You write of the misadventures of the hearing aid and accessories. I presume in order to provide a premonitory tale. I do concur; but I am not in the league of which you describe, and I do not deserve similar adulation. Your fears flatter, but I do not always feel worthy of their potency. The absence of mine leaves little dust upon that road."
Adulation was never my intent, nor to compare you to anyone, and the fears are not to flatter. You are human. You make mistakes, we all do. You are also capable of doing good in this world, as we all are.
I figured out long ago why you wear the sunglasses. Not always to hide the effects of what ever is in your system, but because you know you can not mask your emotions and soul in your eyes. There is someone in there worth love, self and otherwise. NOT adulation, NOT worship, NOT Idolizing.
Just be a friend, a son, a brother, a man.
And for fuck's sake, find that damn quartz and put it around your neck. Lord knows you need it now.
Fears shouldn't flatter....they should scare the shit out of you. The accusations being thrown about this place would be enough to make anyone white knuckled with fear.
Don't mistake this to be all about YOU, dear one...it's certainly about something much bigger than you. You tell us not to throw our words around. Surely, you can afford to do the same. The beautiful and safe thing for you here is that you can be anyone you want to be. So go ahead and put on your "best fake face" or a familiar one...I'm beginning to figure out that we will never know the difference.
Still that scared little boy who's always running? Are you out of breath yet? If you trip and fall, who will be there to help you up?
P.S. the key to my life is saying a lot of four letter words
VERITAVENOM, HELP!!!! Break the code.
I lurk I lurk. I doubt if there is a code, it smells like bullshit to me.
I did get two interesting emails today, posted about them in my blog. Doubt if any of it will make a difference but whatever.
I'm pretty much through with this band. I almost kind of can't wait for them to just break up.
mayonaise is LoveMan's alter ego. . . . . .
Kapunua - greetings.
I am indeed very well and I hope the world is treating you with grace!
And aren't we all told the meaning of life the universe and everything is 42 ?
It only took some Deep Thought.
Is anyone travelling to the signings? Be sure to pass on our best wishes.
oh and Kapunua, I would dearly love to be able to translate your concluding words.
Ha! Ha!
"Him" makes me think of H.I.M.! Now, you want to talk about evil. Ville is super hot and super evil.
Oh yes, Ville is very much a cutie! He's got a sweet face and I like his voice a lot. Mostly I can take or leave some of their songs but for the most part they have won me over.
Ergoproxy, hello! ^_^ To sort of answer your question, very basically the Hawaiian part means that I kinda sorta know that things aren't, well, good at the moment concerning some things and some people. Like, Stuff Is Not Good.
And how I know isn't because I have any insider info or any junk like that. It's only because I have--you can choose to believe me or not--the uncanny ability to see around the corner and I always have had. It's not anything mystical or weird, it's just an ability, like maybe following trajectories combined with seeing little things that other people miss and making connections that other people haven't made and won't, not until after the fact. I can just sort of see around the corner and I don't like what I see.
And what I don't see.
Especially for kapunua:
"I think she's dead."
"I'm feeling much better, actually!" (Python to the end!)
And I was beginning to think that Mayo had deluded him/herself into a coma.
This latest (paraphrased): "I haven't been around because nobody likes me anymore, and I've had my hands full playing with my boy-pieces again."
Same redundant blather, different day.
Did Smoke&Venom20 mention evil?
I'm a little low at the moment, got any to spare?
"I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so anyway! I said to her, I said, they can't afford that on what he earns, I mean for a start the feathers get up your nose, I ask you! Four and six a pound and him with a wooden leg, I don't know how she puts up with it after all the trouble she's had with her you-know-what. Anyway it was a white wedding much to everyone's surprise, of course they bought everything on the hire purchase, I think they ought to send them back where they came from, I mean you've got to be cruel to be kind! So Mrs. Harris said, so she said, she said, she said, the dead crab she said, she said? Well, her sister's gone to Rhodesia what with her womb and all, and her youngest, her youngest as thin as a filing cabinet, and the goldfish! The goldfish? They've got whooping cough, they keep spitting water all over their Bratbys, well, they do, don't they, I mean you can't, can you? I mean they're not even married or anything, they're not even divorced! And he's in the KGB if you ask me, he says he's a tree surgeon but I don't like the sound of his liver! All that squeaking and banging every night till the small hours. His mother's been much better since she had her head off, yes she has, I said, don't you talk to me about bladders, I said..."
Oddly relevant in a weird Way, LOLPUN. There's a Monty Python quote for everything.
your p.s. is making fun of LOVE MAN isn't it? I tried your theory on his latest blog. Still no meaning to be found.
Sister Midnite, you know I'll share my evil with you. What would be the fun in keeping it all to myself???
I, too, tried to break the code (felt kind of silly afterward, like Mayo just played a joke on me). I mean what words are you talking about Mayo? Cause if your referring to 'I', 'A', 'Of', and 'The', not much meaning there.
How about these words - "WHAT THE FUCK?"
Does that mean anything to you?
"DINSDALE !!"
Oooh, OBSCURE Monty Python quotes, HELLS YES! I love you, maybe a little. I already proposed this to someone else but what the hell. Wanna write on each other with sharpies for a few weeks and then get married?
ALBATROSS!
MONTY PYTHON PARTY IN NOT-GERARD'S BLOG!
Do sing me a song, Gervaise. Something WOODY.
Nudge, nudge, wink, wink..say no more !!
I am finding sharpie as we speak !!!
(I would quote the Fish Slap Dance but it has no words...so I shall mention it, as a good slap across the face with a wet salmon would do (not)Gerard good!)
Fish-slapping dance owns all. Hey, before we get married though, I have to spend a few weeks babbling about you and acting really classless. Is that okay?
"I was here on Saturday getting married to a blond girl, and I'd like to change please. I'd like to have this one instead."
El to the Oh to the El.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
riding through the land
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore
Without a merry band!
He steals from the poor
and he gives to the rich!
Stupid bitch!
Oh certainly !
I shall rave too.
"A one... two-- A one... two... three... four...
Half a bee, philosophically,
Must, ipso facto, half not be.
But half the bee has got to be
Vis a vis, its entity. D'you see?
But can a bee be said to be
Or not to be an entire bee
When half the bee is not a bee
Due to some ancient injury?
Singing...
La dee dee, one two three,
Eric the half a bee.
A B C D E F G,
Eric the half a bee.
Is this wretched demi-bee,
Half-asleep upon my knee,
Some freak from a menagerie?
No! It's Eric the half a bee!
Fiddle de dum, Fiddle de dee,
Eric the half a bee.
Ho ho ho, tee hee hee,
Eric the half a bee.
I love this hive, employee-ee,
Bisected accidentally,
One summer afternoon by me,
I love him carnally.
He loves him carnally,
Semi-carnally.
The end.
Cyril Connelly?
No; semi-carnally!
Oh.
Cyril Connelly.
[whistling]"
Shall we wear matching shirts?
Matching shirts for sure! Because thirty is the new ten! ;D Uhhh, but which one of us gets to jerk off onstage? I hope it's not me, because I'm a little modest with things like that. And look, I can do that backbend thing (uhh, why is that such a big deal again? I don't know anyone who can't...) so that means that you're gonna have to try to do it, too. Sorry.
Oh, I've got a pet cat named Eric and I've got a pet fish named Eric!
I'm a lumberjack and I'm okay, I sleep all night and I work all day! I cut down trees, I wear high heels, suspenders and a bra... I wish I'd been a girlie, just like my dear Papaaaaa!
Okay, so that wasn't obscure at all but it is currently stuck in my head. ^_^
Damn I would be better at backbend too !
Lacking said equipment personally I may need to do some research.
haha
I could do passable imitation with mic I'm sure. Though attacks of shyness are a real possibility. Will have to psychicly channel 15 yo boy for inspiration !
(or maturity challenged 30 yo man )
"He's pining for the fjords
Just wanted to drop by and say I'm still around.
Tink
p.s. the key to life is putting my foot up your ass
Do you people re-read what you type? it's such nonsense!
Mayonaise:whhaaaa!
(air karate chops)
Back off,Muthafuckers!I'll mess you up.
Ok,all humor aside.It is your life and maybe you like living by the seat of your pants. Duly noted and of course rightly so in the real world. Right or wrong, somehow we all ended up here. I am present and accounted for and will speak my truth. I ask you to speak your truth as it is now.
Don’t get me wrong, it is not all negative:
I understand that dependence is a biological disorder that continues to spike and drop in a never-ending battle for a lifetime.
I enjoy the complex transformations, it keeps things interesting.
I see the desire and how quickly it fades when the creativity part is over.
I smile at the need to provoke.
This one, I have tried to view in many ways… and as of yet, I cannot fully support your current associations.
I prefer someone fight evil, than live it or yuck, sing about it at the most base level.
Aside from my opinion, others more deserving need to be considered.
It does not matter now, whether you want it or even think you deserve it.
Many young and alike perceive your dust to be gold.
I ask you..
Live your meaning, good, bad or whatever.If you are able
So they may see the road for what it really is and not some fantasy
`sc
Thanks, Smoke&Venom20! Evil for me, and for thee ... I feel sooooo loved!!!
Sorry, I had a Mayo moment. This is what happens when you have your head up your ass.
Every fourth word... hmm, that has possibilities.
So
Why
Am
EAT
I
Dead?
Dead!
ME
So
Tired
And
YOU
Oh
So
Squeamish
MOTHERFUCKER
Presume THAT, Idiot Boy.
Tink, you forgot the 'sideWAYs'.
While doing the Monty Python thing, I thought the album being conceived wayyy forward in the future year of 2009,or maybe 2010? should be called Contractual Obligation.
Anon 100% Zoid (sorry, attacked by those dam sharpies :D )
Tink, good that your still around. I thought he would have tried to muzzle you.
you're so full of shit, Tink
Mayo, didn't you know -
The secret of life is in Sam's martinis. The secret of life is in Marilyn's eyes. The secret of life is in Monday Night Football,
Rolling Stones records and Mom's applie pie.
I thought everyone knew that.
Anonymous, why is Tink so full of shit??? Care to elaborate?
This is all starting to give me such a head ache...
So why do I keep reading?
Cause you like it, don't you?
Fuck yeah you do.
You know I see Mayo's problem...I too woke up this morning not sure of who I wanted to be. I thought maybe I could borrow some Smoke from Smoke&Venom20 to throw up a diversion and some "smoke" signals and make everyone think I was happy today. But as usual I dressed in black and could not escape my dark mood. Why deviate from the norm? I'm not sure people are ready for a watered down version of me. Give them what they expect right? Not one to disappoint...after a couple of hours of trying to wake up, and being jolted back into the reality of my life by the death of someone close to me....I am now cocked and loaded for anything. Fuck the smoke signals, fuck the pretend happy face, fuck giving people the sugar coated version of truth. They will do that all on their own.
So carry on Mayo, carry on. I'll put on my blindfold just for you and pretend I don't see who you really are. Spit out all the metaphors and bullshit you want. Some will believe and others will not. That's so shocking I'm sure. Some will demand and beg for proof...while others wait to disprove anything said. But in the meantime, we all wait. We all fight....fight that person inside...that person that WANTS to fight the good fight......but can't.
But do you really give a fuck?
Of course you do....and somewhere deep and way down in the bottom of my black little twisted broken heart, so do I.
yeah...
I'm a sucker for drama. Even if it does piss me off at the end of the day.
To the disbelieving anon above me, think what you like. It's a free country. It's just too bad that you're too scared to believe it's 100% true, regardless of how far fetched it sounds.
--Tink
Me, too.
But, in the end, it's better to feel something (even if it is being pissed off), than to feel nothing at all.
True...I always pitty people who don't care about anything or feel nothing.
I'm so sorry to hear that, sdock10. Take care, okay?
Yep. Sometimes I come off like that to folks. They think I don't have a heart. Smoke&Venom20 does have a heart. It's just small and a little icy, but a heart nonetheless!
Tink,
Thanks for sticking around. Most here enjoy your enlightening views and comments.
Thanks Kapunua...sometimes I think I'm here just for the free therapy I get from all you guys. Sure beats paying someone to tell me I'm touched in the head.
I feel better already.
P.S. Smoke&Venom20, my heart is blacker than your heart, but yours is tiny and pretty. Do you keep it in a box while you're at work?
Sure do. Only bring it out for special occasions.
sdock10: Well ya know, I kinda halfway think we're all here more or less to talk to each other anymore. Which is fine because some of you are verah interesting people and most of you also seem nice.
And you know what else, sometimes it's not even worth it to put on a Happy Mask (guhh, Legend of Zelda flashback!) especially if you're going through something as full-on ugly as what has just gone on in your life. Screw 'em. Be sad if you're sad.
Just take are of yourself, malama pono kou kino yanno? Yeah, that.
P.S. Heehee, You said "box." Hehee.
I know your identity, it has taken me this long to decide whether or not I should respond to your words. It wasn't something you said, it was something you didn't say. Love Man is aware that I deliberately made a point to refuse ice, I asked him if he had noticed I wasnt the only one. You know better than most. He would always laugh when I asked him to dance. I take your socks, you take the last slice of pizza. Now you know my identity. What a tragic triangle. It's a shame I always sucked at trigonometry.
You are playing with fire. A fire that is capable of consuming and destroying not just you, but all of us.
Maybe I am wrong for not exposing your identity publicly.
Maybe I am a coward for not asking you why.
Maybe I am afraid of what you might say.
Maybe I dont want to face the truth.
Maybe I dont want to accept the possibility that you could be right and I could be wrong.
Maybe marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Maybe I am not strong enough to return to the dark days of Clara Maass.
Maybe I dont want to believe that you are capable of such betrayal.
Betrayal begins with trust.
I am Shitsubou Shita. My name says it all. I still love you. I always will.
I'm disappointed too.
Disappointed that I don't know any more than I did yesterday. :(
Maybe the has less to do with a band imploding and more to do with a family that is falling completely apart.
I am disappointed too. Disappointed that we are powerless to stop it.
Think how meaningless everything and everyone would be if we didn't take it and them for granted.
I really liked your comments Shitsubou Shita but now Im even more confused. Who is Clara Maass?
Disappointed tongues and angels who know too much, why do you assume there aren't anime geeks among us? Did you not take note of the geek smiley? ^_^ Well guess what, I am kookishin ga tsuyoi but this is also kinda omoshiroki nai, or BORINGU de gozaru yo! So someone had better come in and start to mix it up, is all I'm saying.
And WTF is it with everyone saying mysterious things on other languages? I thought that was my M.O. ^_~
Never mind I just googled Clara Maass. She was a nurse who died of yellow fever. Interestingly, its also the name of a hospital in Belleville, New Jersey! O_o
ETA Clara Maass was a nurse, there is a hospital named after her in NJ.
Hey, how about some seemingly random yet oddly relevant lyrics to throw into the mix? Hey, why the hell not!
Dear god,
The patient's best intentions have sadly faltered.
Despite his newly installed varnished brain,
and being force-fed gallons of viscous demented liquor,
he is determined to obtain the new drone spiders' trophy.
He dreams of becoming the scorpion who never sweats.
Quite frankly I'm sickened to have this individual infiltrate my headspace.
He talks of lascivious laughs haunting his every second
As the clock spits clicks,
time speeds by in the
form of a neon snake.
Massive delusions?
Very probably.
I fear for my safety.
He is as weak as his fellow man.
I am now surrounded by hypocrites, liars, drunks, clowns, fools, sycophants and the desperate.
I insist we barter with the moon to sell the patient's cohesive lyrical maps in exchange for a vision of the future.
Stricken with grief, I have no choice but to turn to lethal
toxins.
Hardcore punk paste.
Sdock10, I'm sorry to hear what has happened in your world. Sister Midnite too has a heart, as frozen and lifeless at it may seem. At the risk of being labeled 'serious' again, my love & thoughts go out to you.
The blog that brought us here lets us speak to other lost souls that see the truth and refuse to be silenced.
Smoke&Venom20, sdock10, Tink, kapunua, all of you -- maudlin as it may be, you make me laugh every day. And FWIW, thank you, for if I wasn't laughing I'd most likely be screaming.
O.o;; Okay, who put the conscience in my Cheerios???
AWWWWW! You so sweet, Sis Midnite!
Ya'll make me laugh, too. I'm gonna like get fired but oh well, wtf?
At least I'll be laughing!
To sdock10,
..
Thank you Sister Midnight, I come here lately to read you guys, too. You're a clever and fun bunch, you lot.
So whaddya say? Group sharpie messages? Errr, I mean, group hug?
Thank all you guys for everything. See I can be sweet when I'm provoked.
Sister Midnite....I almost messed up and called you Sister Mayo...damn my head is reeling today. You make me laugh sometimes even more than Smoke&Venom20 (but shhh don't tell her that).
Kapunua..I think I will start the message writing with "very much confused"
SoulConnector...I'm not dressed up to go away just yet. I'll stick around a little longer. This is the 'most fun I've had'.
Anyone have the cipher for this code shit? Nah, didn't think so.
Sister Mayo. Now that shit is funny. Almost as funny as NUT-Buster Famous!
sdock10, my sharpie message to you will be some not-so-random numbers (Hey! How about the date we first make out or something!) and then a not-so-random place. I don't think I want to sharpie-scrawl an actual country on my neck though. How about, "MY ASS." Do you think that'll confuse the fans and be good internet fodder?
Oh hey, wait. Why did I assume that I was Gerard? I'm sorry! You can be Gerard. ^_^ We can take it in turns.
Well, if ya'll are taking turns being Gerard, can I be Frank? We're like the same height and stuff.
"Can I be Frank?" LOLPUN, sorry.
Look, if you're Frank, I'm gonna squee over you. True story.
So where did Shitsboo go? Here we go again, one random comment to get everybody stirred up and POOF!
Shitsubou Shita is too busy asking him/herself questions and being disappointed. It might take a little while before we get another message. Wouldn't hold my breath or anything?
Boy where is Tink when we need her?
kapunua...do we want to let Smoke&Venom be Frank? How will she keep her tiara on her head?
Where do you think I got my tiara from, Sdock10? Frankie gave me one of his.
Frank didn't have to give you one of his..You have plenty of them! You probably let him borrow one of yours. Princess Smoke&Venom20! Can I hold your mirror?
Shitsubou Shita:
I think, I remember you..something about a friendship and then not keeping company with a liar anymore?
thx for this tidbit to connect.
and good for you not taking ice(if it is the drug)That shit makes some want to kill their own mother.
`sc
This thread needs more Bert McCracken. ^_~
Sdock10 - much sympathy goes to you.
I was reminded earlier of I have the heart of a small child, I keep it in a jar on my desk
Thankyou Groucho Marx
Shitsobou Shita I remember a comment of yours about making him laugh. Why not expose the identity?
Nothing much else is happening!
Kapunua I am writing "Fangs" on my neck today.
What shirt shall we wear, I don't have a tara =(
Well Ergoproxy, we can't do unicorn shirts, more's the pity, since they are so PR. We'll have to do something else, something that'll be just between us LULZIES!!!11 How about Pegasus shirts instead?
And for you, I will sharpie "BITE ME" on myself. How's that?
Because, dear ergoproxy, the world would go to shit.
Ah...Shitubou we wouldn't want that.
But I have it figured out !
Mayo is actually Elvis !!!
Kapunua, alas I don't have a pegasus shirt - I do have a black one with smiling clouds and rainbows. Perhaps sharpie messages are enough to begin with.
Do you own a bandana ?
Hey everyone, the post by shitsubou shita has me intrigued. I noticed that the Clara Maas Medical Center has an acute psychiatric impatient care unit, and a cancer center. I'm thinking either someone was an impatient there, or received cancer treatment there. Remember the blogs by loveman .
So, Shitsubou, the world would go to shit, eh? Looks like it's already headed that way if you ask me. How much damage could you do?
To Shitsubou, why would the world go to shit?We will still get up in the next morning, the sun will be shining, people go to work, children go to school, there will still be war raging in the middle east. How does the personal life of a rock band effect the world? Or is your fear that someone will have a complete breakdown?
Ya know, I think I said something kind of like this to Love Man, but Shitsubou, this is obviously someone you care for alot. You even said so. Why are you afraid to out this person? Especially, if bringing to light the problem, betrayal or wrongdoing would eventually be what helps this person. In the end, you may get hurt but if it helps someone that you care about then, do you really have any other option?
To Mayo and Shitsubou,
Stop it!
You two have too much history and love between you to let this tear all of you apart. This is no longer about a band, about records, hype, labels, who's right and who's wrong. This is about salvaging a friendship that has stood up to everything people threw at you, from words of hate to bottles of piss.
You are both smarter and stronger than this. Lashing out in anonimity on the internet is no way to solve your problems.
Mayo, I know you are lost right now and taking it out on everyone, but never forget who has always stood beside you, respected you, looked up to you.
Shitsubou, you have had a rough time of it lately. You've been taken for granted by those who are supposed to care the most about you. But don't give up on the friend who needs you the most.
See, if you had just taken us up on our offer in Indiana and hashed this out over chocolate cake, maybe you could have avoided all this.
Probably not, but hey, it was worth a shot.
Keep the Faith~
To sdock10 I'm sorry to hear that you lost someone close to you.
To shitsubou if its between the world going to shit or saving a friend. Let the world go to shit. Friends are far more important.
If you need to break the band up to keep the friendship, so be it. It was great while it lasted. P.S. Get Mayo some help, please. You are more important than any message or musical juggernaut.
See Mayo, you wrongly assume that everyone is out for your head because you have been called out. They call you out because they care for your mental wellbeing. You do deserve some contentment in this life. But having loves on the side just in case established relationships don't work, and employing a multitude of facades to protect yourself no longer works. Go and try to have a REAL private life.
I don't care who any of you are at this point. I hope everyone works everything out. I know how I feel about my friends and my family--I love them like whoa. I'd give them a piece of my liver if needed, and would also not be afraid to give them a piece of my mind if needed, too. I hope that whoever you are, all of you, you are all strong enough and have enough perspective to do the same for each other. Just don't let friendships get eaten alive in the chaos.
Nothing is worth losing your friends and your family. And--let's pretend you are Gerard and some friend of his for now--no matter how the fans might feel about any of the negative changes we've observed, nothing is irreparable between real friends who actually know you.
I can not justify my vacancy. Others have an explicit purpose in maintaining my absence, but I refuse to listen. Breaking free from their arrest, I have found, once again, the courage of my voice. Fuck agendas.
You call me out. Not surprising, as you are all too intelligent to consider blind continuance. Perhaps I shall perceive a familiar face these next few days. Ask and I will listen; I just need to know it is you. As you have surmised, I am not always certain who I will be.
Oh, honey, do you really believe that many people here who lurk on this website or in any other is out to destroy you? Believe me, not everyone is, no matter if your mind might be manipulating you into believing they are. There is people out there who are very concerned about your mental health and well being, and I happen to be one of them. A few of the comments may sound a bit harsh, but sometimes, you yourself may be in dire need of a reality check, even if you are unwilling to accept it for your own benefit.
That is how life is sometimes. When you are in a few troubling situations, people cannot afford to walk eggshells around someone who might be silently suffering in misery or mental anguish. There is too much at stake here to sugarcoat the problems and pretend that there is nothing there for your eyes to see. Your own life may be put at risk if you continue to ignore your troubles and we all know what happens when you continue to suffer in silence; the problems only may increase dramatically until it engulfs you whole.
You may be feeling lost in yourself as of this moment but do not forget those who care about you and your well being; your friends, your family. You are never alone, no matter if you are overcomed with that emotion please remember that people do care. As I do.
I will assume that I know who you are, and if you are that person who I think it is, I believe you may remember me. We have met before.
Tink's Myspace:
www.myspace.com/audaciousdreamer
No more maudlin, kiddies... Sis Midnite woke up on the wrong side of the curse this morning and, well, I'm sorry but I got so emo I fell apart. ^___^
Meant what I said, however... it's been a rawther shitty couple of years. Nice to find folk who know I'm certifiable and will still chat with me, anyway.
Shitsubou Shita, if Mayo truly is your friend, then please do what you can to help him. Even if it means outing him. It's the shit left unsaid that'll kill.
Sister Mayo, huh? Does this mean I hafta get married to the guy I talked to in the parking lot last week?
Can I be Sister Mustard instead??? MY Sharpies are purple, and my bandana doubles as a ball gag. :Þ
Sister Mayo, huh? Does this mean I hafta get married to the guy I talked to in the parking lot last week?
I swear to god if you do, I will tell everyone on the internet that the purple sharpie messages were to me, goddamnit, and how dare you marry someone else after you strung me along! Bitch.
Okay so I'm kidding like I usually am.
Seriously, I hope you all work this out. Mayo, Disappointed, you clearly know each other whoever you are and you're having a rough time together. Hope you work it out. Best of luck to you both.
/glurge
Back to your regularly scheduled snark.
^^Ha Ha some of you guys make me laugh. Can you guys please spread the love and the sense of humor around? Bleeding Chaos has a severe headache from the stress of arguing with the family earlier today =) Thank you!
To Shitsubou Shita, interesting your name in Japanese means disappointment. You sound like the friend everyone needs. Mayo really needs help. Sometimes denial is so powerful because it protects the mind against something that cannot be accommodated yet. You may have to wait this one out.
I'm sorry to hear that, Chaos. Hope all goes better for you, as well.
I swear to god if you do, I will tell everyone on the internet that the purple sharpie messages were to me, goddamnit, and how dare you marry someone else after you strung me along! Bitch.
LMAO, kapunua!!! Yes, babe -- the purple 3.14159265 was for you. We'll always have Wichita.
Or was Wichita Smoke&Venom20? I tell you, this Drano is really messing with my head...
OTOH if you start leaving tramp-stamps all over me, we're through. I'm 34, okee? ^_~
You know the real tragedy of this entire thing is that I will never look at a freaking sharpie the same way again. >_>
No worries, kapunua... I haven't been into suckmarks since I was 13.
Just goes to show that even something as insubstantial as a sharpie can become tainted by trashy behavior. Maybe Sharpies and backbends are the new signs of success.
SO fucking NOT!!!
This is so sad. We have been watching a man slowly imploding. People who we suspect are trying to help him are doing it under the guise of anonymity. Yet he seems to be pulled forward by who? The record company? the fans? His own expectations? If the band needs to end, to save his sanity, everyone will eventually deal with it, as long as brief but truthful account be given. Save HIS life and don't let the others go down the shithole.
It IS sad. I was pointed here by someone else-- I don't even know what's going on, really, or who these people are-- but the vibe I'm getting from reading this blog is just so incredibly lonesome, it hurts my heart.
Honestly, I wish I could help, somehow. Whoever you are.
-v.v.
Always look on the briiiight side of life!
Da-dum
Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum, da-dum
Now doesn't that make you all feel better? ^_^
Mayonaise, whoever you are, don't ever lose the courage of your voice.
Sometimes, it's hard to look on the bright side, though. As bad as it sounds, sometimes you want to just say fuck it. I'm done. Believe me, I've been there before. Like I have said, I have my own personal little Gerard at home. No he's not a rock star and loved by millions, but the same kind of personality. That magnetic personality. People love him even though sometimes he can do some downright dirty shit. But it's hard giving up on him. It's like he is in constant battle with himself. Good vs. Evil. Many times evil has won. But I know, and Shitsubou Shita, I think you know that deep down inside them is a very genuine and good person. That's why you haven't given up yet. Keep fighting. I learned the hard way that keeping my mouth shut doesn't help anyone. It just prolongs the inevitable.
Smoke&Venom20, you nailed it, babe. :)
What do you do when you can't find the bright side? I know a few people with Gerard's personality. One of them is a musician who I've always considered to be a pretty good friend. We could always be ourselves around each other with no bullshit. He got married awhile ago (to someone none of us ever met), and now he doesn't talk to me or anyone from the "old days". I don't know whether it's because his wife doesn't allow him to, or if he feels he doesn't need his old friends anymore - all I know is that he's not the guy I knew. His career is suffering for it, too: he hasn't toured in over two years, and hasn't even played any local shows in almost a year. It's hard... I look into his eyes, and it's like there's nobody there anymore.
Every guy I know is either marrying the first girl he sees, or is recovering from a bad relationship and miserable being alone. WTF is up with that???
And people wonder why I prefer to stay home. O.o;;
I see my attempt at brightening the conversation is useless.
We probably all know at least one person with a personality like Gerard's. I've known several. The ones in my life have been both a joy and a pain, one in particular. I've watched him go through life making decisions that supposedly make him happy, but when I look in his eyes, I see something is clearly missing. There's an emptiness about him, and I always see him trying to fill the void by reaching for distractions - a quick companion, thrilling entertainment, material possessions, lots and lots of alcohol. I'm not sure if he realizes how transparent he is. He thinks he's got everyone fooled, but he doesn't fool me. I often wonder if he will ever be truly happy. I wish I could help him, but of course he won't even admit that he's got problems, much less accept help from a friend. So all I can do is sit back, watch, and wait. And be there to offer my support if he needs it.
I think of Gerard in much the same way. There's really not much we can do for him except wait to see what happens, and be supportive when he needs it.
I know things are looking bleak right now, but there's no point in being all stressed out and worried about a situation that we can't change. We really just have to wait it out and hope for the best.
I get such an ambiguous feeling from this blog.
Aha! Now I understand!! Who is the anon that posted my Myspace? Fess up!!! And why is everyone going there anyway? I'm not interesting and I suck at life, in case you haven't figured it out.Geez.
--Tink
Awww, Tink. You gots to be just a little bit interesting. It wasn't me though, I can't even get on myspace. How uncool am I?
In a desperate attempt to get attention...she did it herself.
p.s. the key to “Life…” choose every fourth word to find the meaning.
LMFAO. I loved that.
To anon above. . I wish I was desperate enough for the attention. If I was an attention whore, I'd gladly use it to get all the guys I want. Yet alas, I am a social outcast, and have always have been that way, despite my loyal friends. If you knew me, you'd know I could care less how many people know about me, be it 0 or 1000. Hilarious how you don't even know me, yet you're judging away. It's obvious you don't believe me, and that's ok. The one person who I wanted to hear me out,did. Then the rest of you practically demanded I tell you stuff, which is private. I'm keeping it that way. You won't find anything truly private on my Myspace. it's always been 'public", but no one's really cared enough to look or taken an interest in my idosyncracies. That's why i have no problem with you looking. Since someone obviously went through the trouble of announcing on here( not me,try again), I'll encourage and answer any questions that aren't about private things. If you actually look, you'll see that I'm pretty much a nutjob anyway. While I didn't post the address myself, I have to say that it's flattering. I'm just waiting for everyone to get bored and move on. Why dont you all go analyze Eliza's blogs from 2 years ago. Seems to be a popular pastime.
--Tink
Yuck, I'd rather not.
Tink is obviously just a crazed fan nothing more to gerard .. please all of you get some help.
Tink is obviously just a crazed fan nothing more to gerard .. please all of you get some help.
Get some help for what, discussing our opinions? Doing just fine with that, thanks...
Tink has just as much right to post here as anyone else. If you choose not to believe her, that's your right. That doesn't entitle you to tell anyone else to think, however.
If you don't like it, don't read it, honey.
Woah! I cant tell you how glad I am my friend told me about this blog. I found a Myspace a few weeks back that Im convinced is Franks (no, its not the eggplant one that everyone has heard of - I found this one by myself and I havent ever heard anyone else speak of it) and the tagline on this particular Myspace says 'For some, marriage is the triumph of hope over experience' and this was BEFORE the marriage announcement, which is another reason I feel sure its Franks myspace, cos at first it confused me cos I thought it was about him and Jamia. My jaw dropped when I saw that same remark about marriage being made by Shitsubou Shita. Perhaps it gives us a clue as to who Shitbou Shita is and why he seemed to be speaking from the heart. The plot thickens.
As far as I know, the plot is still the same. No one is sure of anything, everyone is still just speculating.
Well to me, that comment about marriage is more than a coincidence. While none of us can be sure of anything, the fact that the Myspace that I think is Franks predicted the wedding before it happened made me a firm believer that its him and I will continue to lurk to see what he changes his tagline to next. I only found it fairly recently but so far it has said 'Here we go again' then 'On the home stretch' and 'Life is short' and right now it says 'For some, marriage is the triumph of hope over experience' so nothing really earth shattering but interesting all the same.
Oh, I didn't mean to bitch. It could be true (and I would feel sorry for all those involved). Anything could be true at this point.
I'm just waiting for all of this to either fade away or explode for good. Like you said, it's interesting, otherwise this post wouldn't have 116 comments and counting.
Life is such a spectacle nowadays, isn't it?
Theres never a dull moment in this fandom thats for sure, and btw I know you didnt mean to bitch, I think all this drama is getting to all of us. Imagine what it must be like to actually be directly involved like you said. I think Frank is really protective of Gerard and Im one of those that believe (based on actual facts that arent too widely known) that he wrote the infamous anon letter just before Gerard dumped Eliza. (Well, it was either him or Brian or a collaboration between both of them imo)
To: the bleedingchaos, kapunua,andrea,smoke&venom20,veritavenom, sdock10 and marthajones; I really care for guys very much and consider you friends on this world wide web/Blogger.
Therefore, I am probably going one of the bravest yet stupidest things I've ever done. I am going to appeal to a man that might not even write this blog, that doesn't know I exist, that is in reality a complete stranger. Yes, that person is Gerard Way. Call me crazy, I have been called worse.
___________________________________
Gerard,
I know others have written to you in hopes that you hear them. I don't know if you read the comments posted on here or not. I don't know if someone in your camp does and gives you the dirty details of them. I honestly do not know. All I do is hope with all my heart that this reaches you.
This is what I do know:
You and me have grown up in a similar environment. Born and raised in New Jersey. The bleak grey skies, the endless highways and dead end streets, the graveyards and dark, dirty alleyways and dead ends. The druggies and pushers around the corner from your house and the police cars riding past.
This is not "the hood," this is middleclass, urban warfare, New Jersey. Where the only secure place is inside your home. You are not allowed to go outside and play because your parents are afraid you will be, kidnapped, shot or molested or all three.
You are raised to fear God at church and your own humanity. You are taught to trust authority but not yourself. You are taught many things, but most of all to hate yourself.
We hate ourselves so much that we seek refuge in anything that will let us escape. Drugs, alcohol, sex or food. We are the fat, invisible kids that keep our heads down hoping we won't get the shit kicked out of us that day. Holding our breaths only exhaling when we get out of high school and on our own. Except, we're still not happy. More social clicks we don't belong in, more failed romances, more hammers chipping away at the little fragments of self worth we do have.
We try to be apart the crowd for a little while, just a little while to pretend to be happy. We try not to have the same apocalyptic view of the world we did in high school, "everything is shit" we used to say. We try to go after our dreams hoping that material things and accolades will make us happy. We work hard at being artists. It doesn't happen. Time to switch gears.
Gerard, you chose to use your God given talent to sing after being a comic book artist fell through. I chose to become a film maker when a painting career didn't materialize and I fell flat on my ass. 9/11 happened, you had to do something. You started a band.
For me it was the incident at Virginia Tech that had me thinking about my mortality and my destiny.
We talk about being depressed, suicidal, taking the antidepressant Wellbutrin. You one up me with the Xanax.
We try not to feel like a hole is in our soul. We try so hard that we're convinced we're fine. The magic trick works but it never last long. We keep looking for that quick fix to stave off that pain, don't want to deal with the issues that made us sick.
Depression is a CHEMICAL imbalance, sometimes inherited. We don't want to be known as the crazies, the gloom and doom of the group. So we go to a therapist to talk about our problems. We feel fine temporarily. We go to a psychiatrist to get our meds. Just another pill to swallow. What could be wrong? We should be okay now, right?
Meanwhile, we are getting older. Turning 30 to be exact. 30 years old, it's either a declaration of independence or a year closer to the grave. It all depends on the day. 30, the hardest year of my whole life: a matter of life and death it's been. Why do I get the feeling it's that way for you too.I try not assume how you feel. I try not to pretend I'm psychic and that I have all of the answers. I only have my gut instinct about you. That is all.
I know nothing has been confirmed, people are even still speculating on the marriage. I don't care. It's not who you got married to that bothers me. It's why. I wonder if you feel you've truly found the one or you just had enough of searching? Why do I feel that me and you are alot alike? You want forever, now (This is How I Disappear). You can't stand being alone, with your thoughts, with your faults, with yourself. You can't chuck it all up to "I'm human, I make mistakes." No, you continually beat yourself up for any little infraction you make. You will always be harder on yourself then on anyone else. Tormented. The illness is like a monster clawing away at you constantly until there's nothing left.
You want someone to fix the broken parts of you because it's too fucking painful to do yourself. You need that love and you'll cling on for dear life for it. Even pretending it's there when it's not. Why? You don't love yourself. When it's your turn to give, you have nothing. You become dependent on others for their love but when they need you... searching for a well in the middle of the desert. You try to fake it but after a while, they catch on. It's not something that you want to be, if you could change it you would. You can, but it's killing that dragon of self pity and self hatred on the inside. It's exhausting.
I'll be honest, I think you got married because you gave up on living, for yourself. But I don't think you know what you've done... it doesn't get easier from here. Sooner or later she will be in dire need of you, you won't be able to run away. You can't mentally check out, the pressure will be on for you to give the best of yourself. I don't know when that will be, but trust me, it will happen. You won't be able to perform your way out of it. No, not this time. Then your biggest fears will come true, they will see the weaknesses in you. The dirt, the shit, you at your worst possible moments. You'll ask them, "will you stay, or are you just like the others. Run away from me! I would."
Part of you wants them to leave, it will be another excuse for self loathing and contempt. Part of you wants them to stay, being a little kid craving unconditional love. You're torn. You don't know which way you're going, "is it the depression, or is it me?" Have you asked yourself that? I have.
Deep within me, I hope that you are well. The core of me feels that you are NOT! I have no proof, no evidence. I am just someone who has identified with you so strongly, that I question my own sanity. I tell myself I am crazy for caring so much about you and even crazier for writing this. But I do, I care so much to the point... I fear that it's love.
Gerard, I know I am a stranger to you and all I know you from is the videos, the concerts, the magazine articles and most importantly, the MUSIC. You are an entertainer. I try to sit back and just watch the show- but when the crowd goes home, the lights turned off: "if you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you'll find out first hand what it's like to be me."
Sincerely,
XOXOXO
I hope venting help you out. I also hope it gets to the other person but if it doesn't that's ok. As I said before do what you need to make yourself feel better because your sanity is what matter first and fore most.
Exactly. And where I don't necessarily understand what you or Gerard or someone that suffers from depression or addiction goes through, I do understand how it affects those around you. I know exactly how Frank and the rest of the band and his family feel. You are totally helpless. It's sad and infuriating at the same time. You want so much to be able to say the magic word and make that person feel better and okay but there isn't one. And where it seems like a simple problem to fix to me, I know to them it's not. Nothing is simple. Just getting out of bed can be a complicated ordeal. I know he is going through some shit right now but I can't help but feel for Frank, Mikey, Ray and Bob. Watching one of your best friends do this again isn't easy.
I've been here, since the beginning. I have sat here and watched this tragic affair unfold before my eyes. I tried to just be an observer and keep my silence.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver, right?
But I can't keep quiet any longer. I have something to say. It may not be all that unique or special, but I need to release these words that have been imprisoned in the back of my throat, in the hopes that you might hear me. I am quite certain of who you are, Mr. Mayo. Who I am does not matter right now. I have always been here. Hiding in the shadows, where I belong. I shouldn't still care after all this time, but I can't bring myself to turn away. You need to hear my words, words that I see echoed by others that visit here.
Stubbornness was always your worst trait.
You assume that the whole world is out to get you and rip you apart for their sick pleasure.
“Paranoia. Paranoia. Everybody's coming to get me.”
Just try to understand that there are still those of us who are on your side and want you to be well and in one piece. Not everyone you know has an agenda. Not those of us who cared for you before everything began. We are still here, right where you left us. Our feelings haven't changed. I still want for you to be happy and living out your dreams.
The history you and I share allows me some insight, however, and I can see that you are once again drowning. Being pulled down by the darkness that you seem to have given up on fighting, for the time being.
I recognize that desperation that is now quite visible there in your eyes. Those beautiful hazel eyes that you try to keep hidden. You try to keep them hidden, because no matter how many lies your mouth may tell, your eyes tell the truth. They always have. The last time we talked, I saw the sorrow and shame within their depths as well. You are ashamed. You know you are not making good choices, but you still make them. You want to prove that you will do what you want and that no one is going to control you.
Yet, aren't you instead letting the fear and darkness control you now?
You are stronger than that. I know you are. I still believe in you. And I still have faith that you can vanquish this darkness like you have done countless times before. Please don‘t wait until it‘s too late before you get up and fight this time.
It's been three weeks, has she seen the battle that you are facing or does she turn a blind eye to it. Maybe that's why you chose her; she won't nag you as much about your self-destructive behavior, making it easier for you to continue to be in denial.
Is it real love? Or have you just settled?
I never thought that I would see the day that you would settle like this. What happened to that boy I used to know? That boy who had big dreams and goals and wanted to make a difference in this fucked up world? The one who has been replaced by this swaggering, adolescent, angry prick, who can't keep his hands off his penis, and who has pushed away almost everyone who used to matter to him? If you find him, tell him I still miss him, I still love him and I will always be here waiting for him to return.
Now that I have filled your inbox with more words that you most likely ignore, I will return to the shadows and wait until you realize that you need someone to help you.
And as always, I will be here for you.
::munching popcorn & watching new events unfold::
Now THIS is awesome.
It's getting a little urple in here, just sayin'.
However, BlackHeart13, I agree with everything you said there and I know you're saying it with a good and decent heart. I have the feeling that most of us posting on here--most--really don't want to see anyone go down in flames, nothing left but a smoking pile of eyeliner and sharpies. I think we joke around because we kinda care, even if some of us pretend that we're, like, above caring and we're oh-so-cynical. Yes, Kapunua, I'm looking at you. ^_~
I'd like to add one thing to what you're saying and this doesn't only apply to Mayo, whoever he or shy may be, it applies to everyone. I'm mentioning it because it's something I'm trying to work out, too. I dunno, maybe it's a 30's thing after all.
I think so much of the perceived "problem" (oh, to hell with air quotes, I'm gonna just go ahead and be presumptuous because my gut feeling tells me there is indeed a problem and hey, I'm so rarely wrong that it's kinda embarrassing,) is that some people can't tell the difference between stimuli and actual contentment. I'm not leaving myself out of that demographic by any means; I speak as an adult and I speak as a performer, too. Although I can't say I've performed for 10s of thousands of people, it's been anywhere betwen like 20 and 3000, performing is performing and you do get a charge out of it. It's a huge zing and it makes your whole self buzz for hours afterwards, sometimes days. Of course that's not the only stimulus to tide one over, though. There's drugs. There's the thrill of infatuation. Partying, nookie, roller coasters, taking crazy risks, heck, you name it. People who can't tell the difference between stimulus and contentment are the ones who are always indulging in the stimuli or their choice, take your pick. But even if your zing is something relatively harmless, if it is something you rely on to get you by and at the end of the day when it's over you're still the self that you're not happy with, the only thing left to do is find that zing again. So you stay on tour, or you keep partying, or you keep drinking, or you make sure you keep falling in love, or you keep riding the roller coaster.
But if you're truly happy, then so long as you aren't having any major crises, you'll be happy anywhere; you won't rely on outside sources.
That is pretty much in reference to everyone in the world but I'm gonna single out our Sharpie-scrawling, be-hickied friend for a sec. Gerard has so often mentioned his age and how he is OMG SO OKAY WITH IT FOR SURE!!!!!111 He did an interview sometime after the entire Eliza fiasco where he admitted that his younger brother getting married had made him feel like WHOA WASN'T THAT S'POSTA BE ME?!! Yeah, I get that. But the most telling thing (I mean aside from the MUST. GET. MARRIED. NOW! thing,) is the song "Kill All Your Friends." I seem to remember Gerard clarifying that it was about his fear of living in one place all his life and dying there, that he had to get out and do something. A noble aspiration, sure, and definitely not out of the norm. But he seems really hung up, and that just speaks to me of desperation. There are those people among us who are so busy trying to "have a life" that they're forgetting to just live. You spend all your time comparing yourself to others, making sure you are doing something worthwhile, making sure you're keeping up etc., that you don't leave yourself any time to just be. Like I said, if you're content, you can be content anywhere, no matter who else around you has more stimuli. "Being content" does NOT equal "settling for something." It means just finding your zen and not worrying about if you're doing what society says you're supposed to be doing by a certain time. What's with all the mile markers? Why are some people so obsessed with them?
Bah, I say all of this like a Zen Master (Mistress?) but the truth is that I struggle with it just like most people.
The answer? If I knew that, I'd write a book about it and tell everyone. But I do know at least party of it: Don't rely on other people to keep you happy, and don't compare yourself to the rest of society. Either of those things is a sellout, and I have the sneaking suspicion that the two are related.
Gerard Way, if any of this ever reaches you, please stop selling out the values you've been preaching about for years in order to fit in with the new people in your life. Everyone is kinda teasing you as if we know you, but I don't think anyone wants to see you fail, and if they do, then they suck.
blackheart13..
a beautiful letter, and I hope it gets seen.
it is how many of us feel.Though our lives differ so greatly I can empathise through my own trials and dark moments.
and kapunua: it is a well known psychological fact that some people are constantly seeking stimuli and will even do so when they know it is damaging them ( as do many animals). They can call it by whatever trendy psychobabble name they wish but it always comes down to a dependence which is terribly difficult to overcome.
But it is a struggle within the person, and no amount of outside stimui will ever be enough. It is the seeking of an extrinsic reward instead of an intrinsic satisfaction. Until the person accepts themselves and comes to a state of peace with that, it continues.
We all struggle with our own issues, but we , I'm sure, all want to feel the same contentment, as you said, anywhere.
To the poster at 6.18 p.m. I read your comments and want to express my experience with living with someone suffering this chronic illness. I have endured deep bouts of sadness not for myself, but for the misery and self destruction brought by their own actions, and the deep pain they suffer within themselves. We have endured two hospital admissions and close to seven years therapy ( including medication), not to mention the suicide attempts, debilitating panic attacks, and it is never ending. I have thought of many times to simply walk away however this would cause me just as much suffering as staying. A real double edged sword. The stubbornness and the deep delusional paranoia, seems to be a hallmark of the condition. I have come to see this as an indication of their faulty cognition, which really is no fault of their own, but readily distorted by the environment and the people they relate to. Functioning people help them function and vice versa. The illness is really a cancer of the mind. Once it's grip takes hold it grows with intensity, sometimes with delusional/and or psychotic side effects. My loved one too is fixed in his stubbornness, and the rigidity seems to me their own attempt to handle their deep anxiety, and feeling in control when their internal selves are so out of control. It seems like your friend now cannot bear to be challenged, for this now is overwhelming and can triggers the intense panic (attacks if any).
Therefore choices made now reflect this. I too am waiting, hoping for my love to open his eyes and try to fight the darkness, and to know he has people who love and accept him no matter how bad and fractured he thinks he is, and that in time he will come to accept himself. Hope be with you.
To: the bleedingchaos, kapunua,andrea,smoke&venom20,veritavenom, sdock10 and marthajones; I really care for guys very much and consider you friends on this world wide web/Blogger.
Aw Blackheart, we all care about you too. I hope you know that. And your letter that you written was extremely heartfelt and touching and beautiful and honest, of course ;p
All of these comments makes me want to go run and get my popcorn and enjoy the show.
awww blackheart that was truly beautiful and touching. hope that its read by the beautiful sad eyes its meant for x
To anonymous 9/19 @ 12:28 am.
Thank you for posting your comment. You're insight is spot on and I can't begin to tell you how I appreciate it. I hope your loved one fights the darkness with all their strength, because I am definitely doing the same.
To the rest of you, so many names to mention, I do agree with sdock10 (who I think might be my twin brother just because he and I both wear black), I come to talk to you guys more than to Mayo.
I write in this blog everyday to communicate to my little internet family. The Monty Python quotes are HILARIOUS! I smile. Thank you guys for giving me things to smile about. Talk to you later.
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Really?
Post a Comment