Sunday, September 27, 2009

Theory of Degeneration.

For as long as I can remember, I have collected little bits and pieces of people. Not eyeballs and arms, or blood and guts, but their lives, their actions, moments and movements…the way they walk or speak. I watch and listen, collecting fragments and still-frames of lives of which I know nothing. I keep these parts, and then when I am ready I attribute my own perceptions to their actions; I make up stories. I am a thief. And from what I collect, I assemble.

The way a woman, carrying her child on her hip, hesitates while crossing the street. Wrapping her hand protectively around her child’s head, she holds her breath and second guesses the crisp-suited businessman will run the red light because he is distracted talking to his mistress, and he has only five minutes to make plans with her before he meets his wife for lunch. The woman knows this because her husband left her last year for his secretary. He told her over lunch.

The way coffee shop patrons cast questioning glances at the man sitting alone at the back of the room. His eyes are downcast, and he is spinning an empty cup. He rarely moves, and never speaks. Across from him sits an empty chair, a full cup of coffee, and an uneaten pastry. Patrons avoid him, falsely assuming he is homeless or insane, because of his sour body odor and dirty clothes. It is true; he hasn’t changed them in six days, the six days since his wife died, the six days he has returned to the table at the coffee shop where they met. The same table they called “ours” twice a week.

The way a classroom full of students, half paying attention, all consider the quiet kid in the back to be a dolt. They see a girl who rarely looks up and never raises her hand. The kid isn’t ignorant or lazy. On the contrary, she has already correctly answered the question in her head. She simply can’t get past the fear that, once called upon, she will fumble through her speech and answer incorrectly, drawing upon herself the jeers of her classmates. She so fears the embarrassment of being wrong that she sacrifices achievement. She will later beat herself up because she didn’t raise her hand, taking over from where the others have left off.



No Longer Lost.

I don’t have to look for you anymore.
Not in faces that resemble yours
Round and rugged, shadow of a beard
That always seems present, but never more
Than a scruff. Is it you?
I never asked, but wonder.
This time I could not help myself.
Are you?

He told me you drowned yourself,
And that in the end they had made you a beggar
Boxed in pine, without proper notice.
It had been 20 years, but still I looked for you
Because you were kind when I was afraid.
But, I think I don’t need you anymore.



Right now, that is all prosthetic.

A lack of sleep and unending thoughts will either drive me to excuse myself from my obligations or thrust me headlong into achievement. Everything around me spins on, and I remain pushing my way through to the very end.

And that is where I remain, soldered to the front end of a rogue missile.




p.s. that is what makes it rock.

4,773 comments:

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ergoproxy said...

*passes smoked salmon, avocado and cucumber roll to TJ*

*places out wasabi, soy sauce and pickled ginger*

*sets dish of other assorted pieces on table*


actually I wonder if I have pickled ginger here, I thought I did, maybe I should look, not that I'd go to the store now though


wow 11:55, gruesome, but I get what you're feeling. When they remove someone's chance at life, why should they be clothed and fed and looked after.

elena said...

wow 11:55, gruesome, but I get what you're feeling. When they remove someone's chance at life, why should they be clothed and fed and looked after.

It goes way beyond that. They are clothed, feed, have excellent medical care, legal representation...all paid for by the taxpayers.

toujours said...

thank you. :)

*takes a little bit of wasabi*

dab
dab
dab

ergoproxy said...

it is incredibly unfair elena.


I thought you'd go for the wasabi TJ :]

you should try making them, the mat isn't essential, makes it a bit easier but you can do it without, nori doesn't cost much, you could try normal rice, the seasoning you can buy but it's basically 1 tbs white sugar dissolved in 2 tbs rice vinegar(or 1 rice vinegar one dry sherry)
mix the seasoning when the rice is hot and spread on a tray to cool.
Nori goes shiny side down.

Anonymous said...

It goes way beyond that. They are clothed, feed, have excellent medical care, legal representation...all paid for by the taxpayers.


Yep.
With my justice system they wouldn't. They would never be given an opportunity to hurt another child either.

toujours said...

i'd like to, ergo. maybe i will, once i have a kitchen of my own again. :)

but for now, i'm just going to say thank you for the imaginary sushi, it was delicious (i'm sure your sushi is delicious in real life, too) and then head on out of here for the night.

good to see you elena, sorry it isn't for longer, but i'm wiped out. hope you're doing well.

good night to you, too, anon. while i agree with the underlying sentiments of your comment, i'm also pretty damn wimpy, and so the forcefulness went beyond what i feel comfortable agreeing with. good to see you joining in, though.

and good night bc, and martha, and anyone else lurking about.

sweet dreams all.

elena said...

Anon I know it's probably not the right way to look at it but I've always felt that anyone who does something to a child should have the same thing done to them.

Susan Smith - strap her into a car and roll it into the lake.

Sad but I really do feel that way epecially when a child is involved.

ergoproxy said...

sweet dreams TJ, have a good friday

elena said...

Night TJ

It was good to see you even for a short time

ergoproxy said...

I often feel any criminal who does anything to anyone should feel the same thing, in some way. even the executives whose company collapses due to their mishandling leave people with nothing, yet they still have luxury homes etc

Death penalties have problems with incorrect convictions, but with today's forensics I think that is becoming less and less common. It's a big call, but I think society doesn't need these people, not if it is beyond doubt what they did

Anonymous said...

Think of it this way Toujours.

Paroled murderers are not allowed to own guns or other weapons legally.
No convicted felon is allowed to do that.

A child molesters or rapists weapons of choice are their hands and their genitalia.

Think of the hands and genitalia as what they were used as. Weapons. Weapons that inflicted years of pain and damage and it doesn't seem so gruesome.

I don't have a problem taking their weapons away from them.

Anonymous said...

Goodnite blog. Thanks for the interesting chat tonight.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Goodnight TJ.

Anonymous said...

Hi 11:41, hi elena.

Ergo, yep I made cookies. They turned out to be pretty good, even if they were already pre-made lol.

toujours said...

hey mayo,

i think maybe i'm still experiencing a bit of an emotional hangover from halloween. ever since then i feel so...

well, i don't know how to put it in words.

but i haven't been able to come up with much for you these last few nights and i think this is partially why. i don't have anything for you because i can't think of anything to write that seems to have any value...

it feels like there is nothing that is right about my life. i'm out of place, and although i can find happiness in day-to-day occurrences (like hanging out here, pretty mornings, etc.), when things quiet down again that heavy grey feeling is still there.

and i really didn't want to write about any of this, but today i remembered that way back in the beginning of this i promised you truth (for whatever that's worth) and i haven't been. i've been dodging.




and i don't know if you're here anymore, it doesn't really feel like you are, but a promise is a promise...





so, good night, mayo. sweet dreams, and have a wonderful day tomorrow.

ergoproxy said...

goodnight anon

elena said...

Nite Anon

Take care

Anonymous said...

Goodnight anon

ergoproxy said...

awesome BC, it's always good to have a go

this is my easy cookie dough:

4 oz butter, 4 oz sugar creamed together, 1 egg, 1 tsp vanilla and 8 oz flour,add about 1 1/2 tsp baking powder

then you can mix in about 3/4 cup of whatever, choc chips, nuts etc
roll into balls , press down a bit
bake for about 15 mins
(they do spread a bit)
you can double to triple it and roll the rest in a sausage in cling wrap and freeze it, so you ahve it to do quickly another time

elena said...

Ergo stop it. You are making me hungry.

ergoproxy said...

sorry elena, I just have this thing about food

Anonymous said...

That sounds good ergo, I think I'm gonna save that recipe. Thanks :)

ergoproxy said...

it's very simple BC, and you can even do it in a food processor, esp handy if you are making a big lot
it makes about 2 doz, 2 inch diameter cookies, (that's a heaped teaspoon of mix rolled in a ball) you can roll them in cornflakes before you bake them, that is really yummy

elena said...

Okay this is weird. I just went to take a shower and when I got out the back door was wide open. I know it wasn't before. I'm the only one home. So do I go upstairs and investigate? See I'm pretty sure no one came in because the dogs are on that porch and they would have alerted me if someone was here.

Maybe "someone" just went out.

Maybe I'm starting to freak myself out. LOL

ergoproxy said...

or you can make a dent in the top and fill it with jam to make jam drops


*sheepishly*
sorry elena

ergoproxy said...

elena, if you investigate just do NOT wear only a white tank top and panties, turn on lights, arm yourself and don't trip


that is very odd, do be careful

elena said...

Ergo I've seen enough horror movies to know what to wear on an investigation. LOL

I'm just sitting here thinking about going upstairs. If I decide to I think I'll take Jake along with me. Poor BigE can't get up the stairs.

ergoproxy said...

I loved that card you sent me for Halloween, it was so great

elena said...

That is the theme music I need when I go up the stairs LOL

ergoproxy said...

just make Jake go up first, and be careful

could the door have blown open? not been latched properly?

you should get my parcel early next week too, I hope

Anonymous said...

Good Night

elena said...

Cool Pic Goodnight Anon.

Ergo that door was closed tight and it's not windy at all.

I'm just gonna put it out of my mind. Chalk it up to just another one of those weird things that happens around here.

Oh a package? Yea!!!

ergoproxy said...

well if you can't hear anything, and no more has happened, maybe it was one of your other residents


yes! I hope you like it all. It had tim tams :]

elena said...

I love Tim Tams. Oh yes I do.

Okay time for me to try to get some sleep but I did sleep late this morning. Still trying to get over the aftermath of that stupid flu.

Take care and I'll talk to you tomorrow.

ergoproxy said...

good to see you elena, hope you sleep well
it is a really nasty flu, hope you get back to normal soon, I'm sure tim tams will help a lot
sweet dreams
(and take Jake or Big E into your room, maybe not Jake, he'd probably eat the quilt)

elena said...

Mayo

What to say oh what to say? To be honest I know exactly what I want to say …nope not gonna say it. So now I’m sitting here wondering after all this time if you know what I’m thinking. You should but you probably don’t. And I’m wondering if that fact makes me angry or is it just sad? Little bit of both I think. Oh well.

Here’s to hoping you have a wonderful day tomorrow. Here’s to hoping you haven’t forgotten how much your words mean to all of us here. (I am seriously wishing right now you could see me because I really have a great look I’ve perfected over the years that would get my point across oh so well)

Take care

Night Mayo

Elena (breadcrumbs?)

Anonymous said...

knock knock

Anonymous said...

who's there?

Anonymous said...

blog

Anonymous said...

blog? wha?

Anonymous said...

boring.ass.blog

:)

wannabeteacherspet said...

Mr. May'Naise,

I see your fountain pen is running a little dry.

I can open my well if you wanna dip it in.

Anonymous said...

:)

Anonymous said...

Hi anons. I see one anon is being a bit naughty :)

ergoproxy said...

dinner is served - dig in!

ergoproxy said...

Mayo
As a young minister in Kentucky, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a grave-side service for a homeless man, who had no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be buried there.

I was not familiar with the backwoods area, and I soon became lost. Being a typical man, I did not stop to ask for directions. I finally arrived an hour late.

I saw the backhoe and the open grave, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. The digging crew was eating lunch. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and I stepped to the side of the open grave. There I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them up for long, as I told them that this was the proper thing to do.

The workers gathered around the grave and stood silently, as I began to pour out my heart and soul. As I preached about "looking forward to a brighter tomorrow" and "the glory that is to come," the workers began to say "Amen," "Praise the Lord," and "Glory!" The fervor of these men truly inspired me. So, I preached and I preached like I had never preached before, all the way from Genesis to Revelations.

I finally closed the lengthy service with a prayer, thanked the men, and walked to my car. As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I heard one of the workers say to another, "I ain't NEVER seen nothin' like that before, and I've been puttin' in septic tanks for thirty years!"
much love EP xx

SS
A woman walks into an accountant's office and tells him that she needs to file her taxes.

The accountant says, "Before we begin, I'll need to ask you a few questions. He gets her name, address, social security number, etc. and then asks, "What's your occupation?"

"I'm a Lady of the night," she says.

The accountant is somewhat taken aback and says, "Let's try to rephrase that."

The woman says, "OK, I'm a high-end call girl".

"No, that still won't work. Try again."

They both think for a minute; then the woman says, "I'm an elite chicken farmer."

The accountant asks, "What does chicken farming have to do with being a prostitute?"

"Well, I raised a thousand little peckers last year."

The accountant says, "Chicken Farmer it is."
lotsa love EP xx


goodnight blogbelieve, see you in my morning
♥xx♥

Anonymous said...

Maybe Mayo has tried to make a new post. It's just that every time he comes here he comes down with an instantaneous attack of narcolepsy.

toujours said...

this guy made an elaborate mask of himself for halloween. it's amazing work, and so effectively creepy.

Anonymous said...

CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK

Last time I clicked one of the 'lovelies' links, my computer spyblocker software told me the site had a tracker on it which would monitor other sites I went to and possibly reveal any personal info I had stored on the computer. So be careful who you trust.

toujours said...

i accidentally downloaded a virus onto the work computer a couple of weeks ago, had to take it in and get the hard drive wiped...it's costing me $130. definitely be careful, but if you have a good security program like avg, you should be okay.

i only post links here from regular sites, though, so they should be virus-free.

gotta go clock-in, have a good day everyone.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK

Last time I clicked one of the 'lovelies' links, my computer spyblocker software told me the site had a tracker on it which would monitor other sites I went to and possibly reveal any personal info I had stored on the computer. So be careful who you trust.

November 6, 2009 9:25 AM


which link was it that you clicked on? Most of the sites I have seen them post have been YouTube or similiar.

i'm calling you on this one. which link?

elena said...

Good Morning Everyone

It is a beautiful day here. Already almost 70. I'm totally loving this weird weather. I mean come on in Kansas this time of year it should be damn cold. And they say on Sunday we may reach 80.

Hope the weather is beautiful wherever you all are.

elena said...

ORLANDO, Fla. – People are streaming out of an office building in downtown Orlando, Fla., where officials say a shooter is on the loose.

The world has gone crazy!

ergoproxy said...

good morning!

it's overcast her but I do hope it rains

I saw that Orlando on the news just now, how awful

ergoproxy said...

overcast her? that would be here

Anonymous said...

A look at some of the victims in the Fort Hood attack

RIP

Anonymous said...

The world has gone crazy!


The world is fine. People have gone crazy. Violently insane.

ergoproxy said...

though I don't know if it is true, the news said that the Major from Fort Hood's name had been on radical internet postings, how had they not noticed that before? With all the security etc.
Perhaps this will be one of the "hindsight is 20-20" cases
So sad if they did have warning he wasn't stable, but then, why assume he'd do something so drastic?
So sad for such young and dedicated people, and their families, and the child who never got a chance

Anonymous said...

So sad for such young and dedicated people, and their families, and the child who never got a chance

It is.


It looks like there were warning signs.

WASHINGTON – He was by turns caring and contentious, a man quick to say "I am blessed" in casual greeting yet one who seemed to stew in discontent that he could not always keep to himself.

Army psychiatrist Nidal Malik Hasan, suspect in the assault that killed 13 people at Fort Hood, Texas, and hurt 30, salved the emotional wounds of troops returning from war even as he objected to his own looming deployment to Afghanistan, where he was to counsel soldiers suffering from stress.

But Hasan argued with fellow soldiers who supported U.S. war policy, say those who know him professionally and personally. He was a counselor who once required counseling for himself because of trouble he had dealing with some patients, said a former boss.

Anonymous said...

*shakes head*

Anonymous said...

Everyone who voted for Obama, think about this now.

Anonymous said...

Everyone who voted for Obama, think about this now.

The fuck? What the hell kind of asinine racist bullshit comment was that?

Anonymous said...

The fuck? What the hell kind of asinine racist bullshit comment was that?


What the fuck kind of asinine comment is that?

There was nothing about race mentioned. Nothing racist in that comment.

The truth is that many people who voted for Obama believed the campaign rhetoric.

They believed he was going to end the war. They believed he was going to bring all the troops home. They believed one man had the power to do those things.

Several anons said those things here at Mayo's.

It was political bullshit. It was campaign rhetoric and people fell for it and believed it in astonishing numbers.

Anonymous said...

So are you going to sit there and truthfully say that you think McCain would have ended the war?

Anonymous said...

At least McCain was honest and has this country's best interests in mind.

Anonymous said...

I never said McCain was going to end the war.

I said that I did not fall for any campaign rhetoric or political bullshit.

I called bullshit on you calling anyone who criticizes the current administration and its war policy racist.

Anonymous said...

....

Anonymous said...

Real women have curves.

Anonymous said...

Yes they do!


Your very deep.


You touch me.

Anonymous said...

:)
You gotta be willing to take the hits
and not pointing fingers saying you aint where you wanna be because of him or her
or anybody
Cowards do that and that aint you.
You're better than that

...I'm always gonna love you no matter what
you're the best thing in my life


now go visit your mom



Rocky Balboa FTW!

Anonymous said...

You touch me.

'Scuse me. I didn't realise what I was walking in on.

O_O

*covers eyes and backs out*

Anonymous said...

Everyone who voted for Obama, think about this now.

November 6, 2009 6:13 PM



I think he should be commended for even wanting to step in the way everything is screwed up! Damn people! He is only One man. If everyone would quit fighting him on EVERYTHING I think he could change alot for the good of everyone.

Anonymous said...

So could Santa Claus. Let's elect him president next time. It would be the best Christmas evvaaa!
Equally opportunity for elves and we can change the country's national symbol to reindeer.

Anonymous said...

Santa could appoint the tooth fairy as defense secretary or secretary of state. That'd be badass. She could threaten to give all of our adversaries cavities, ginivitis and other painful oral ailments.

Anonymous said...

So could Santa Claus. Let's elect him president next time.



He didn't exactly step up and run for office, did he? Sorry Santa ^_~

elena said...

Hello

Just got home and trying to catch up around here. Anon who posted about Fort Hood - It is so heartbreaking to read about those people. My store in a town that is pretty much mostly military people so the mood was very somber today. Shit like this is just so senseless. And yes the world is fine, it is beautiful but so many people are not.

ergoproxy said...

hello elena

I am watching a show about tornadoes of 2008
I always think of you now!

elena said...

Hi Ergo

Have they showed any Kansas tornados?

Anonymous said...

* big sweeping crescendo *

THE BLOG has demised

from the sounds of

snoring zzzzzz


a-aa-ah

ergoproxy said...

they are doing Wisconsin 2005 right now, they've mentioned Kansas but no particular tornado yet

elena said...

WAKE UP 9:17

Dazzle us with some interesting conversation. Come on, don't be shy. What would you like to talk about?

ergoproxy said...

Oh it's Kansas now, in Mulvane

eek!!!!, they are so scary

elena said...

Oh Ergo I have a book recommendation.

"The Great Mortality" by John Kelly.

I just started reading it. It is about the history of the Black Death. Not a happy read but so far very interesting.

ergoproxy said...

Greensburg 2007 now

elena said...

I remember that one Ergo. That's by Wichita. I've seen the photos and yep pretty scary.

ergoproxy said...

thanks elena I'll have a look for it

elena said...

Greensburg was a monster tornado. An F5 I think.

ergoproxy said...

yes it was incredible, they are using the EF rating, which is Enhanced Fujita, it does wind speed and damage, since 2007 they changed it
Oklohoma City now

elena said...

When I was little they never used the scale. A tornado was a tornado and truthfully the damage they do is so bad that I'm not sure what difference it really makes. When you come up out of the strom cellar and your house is gone you really don't give a damn about it's rating.

ergoproxy said...

I think so too, I suppose it helps in research but really if it hits you, it's an F2000000000

elena said...

Exactly Ergo.

ergoproxy said...

wow it's the lack of warning that makes them so scary
oh they just have that Andover F5 one, where it hit the air base then the people hid under the overpass
There is some incredible pieces of film

elena said...

Oh yeah the people that hid under the overpass (which is dangerous by the way) I remember watching that one on the news.

The warnings are much better than they used to be but tornados sometimes just dip out of the clouds without warning.

ergoproxy said...

yes they had a guy saying how really they were incredibly lucky

and they are so variable, some are really narrow, some really wide etc.
It is good that they have all the warning stuff now, at least you have an idea if it's likely type of weather.
Must be storm day on the Discovery networks, now it's a show about hurricanes

so anyhoo, did the day stay nice there? I saw you said it was lovely and warm

elena said...

It is still beautiful here but a bit windy. Tomorrow is supposed to be just as nice. Mr Elena and I are hoping to go for a ride on Sunday but it will depend on the wind. It is supposed to be 30 MPH that day so I'm not sure. I really, really hope we can.

elena said...

Oh did I ever tell you my hurricane story?

Anonymous said...

Guys, there's a new post.

elena said...

Shit sometimes it is so hard to find a quiet place. Perhaps this one will work for a bit if not there are plenty of rooms.

I wish my break wasn't about over. It is 95 outside and still so many more weeds to pull. You know if everyone would just agree that weeds were flowers and flowers were weeds I would be pretty happy.

Might save me from having a heat stroke.

elena said...

Well Shit now the trailer has a flat. Oh and I pissed off a snake. Damn snake in the weeds.

Anonymous said...

Oh hell Mayo

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

Don't be fooled by Eeyore posting here. It's a decoy. THe "lovelies' are not that smart.

Anonymous said...

If we're not that smart then why don't you come and find us?

Anonymous said...

Are you going to chase them all over the blog, 10:00? What is your problem? Why is it important to you to hunt them down just to insult them? Is it that important to you, to harrass them?

Are you really that petty and childish?

elena said...

Don't worry about it 11:10.

If that anon doesn't have anything better to do then follow me around I kinda feel sorry for them.

You know 'following anon' you could just ask me where I'm going next and I'd tell you.

But mabye you're enjoying the chase.

Okay here I go.....

Anonymous said...

Haha.

Anonymous said...

"If that anon doesn't have anything better to do then follow me around I kinda feel sorry for them. "

Get over yourself, no one is chasing you. But you have nothing better to do than chase Mayo around when he closed up shop months ago. That's pretty sad.

Anonymous said...

Wow 12:02 you have got to be kidding! No one is chasing you? I guess you just go through the backposts all the time and just happened to come across elena. That's the only explanation if you're not chasing them. I guess you have nothing better to do than check all the posts everyday. That's really sad.

Get over yourself and get help for whatever issues you have that makes you so vindictive and nasty to others.

You can talk to yourself all day if you want to, I'm staying out of it after this. You're going to do what you want, and you're going to keep insulting others. Good luck with that.

elena said...

You know the great thing about talking to yourself is finding an agreeable audience. I like that.

But I hate when I get overheard.

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