-Wicked Witch of the West, The Wizard of Oz
Once upon a fork in the road...
In the corner a ratty green sofa sits butted up against a water ring stained end table. There are at least four three inch burn holes in the snagged, stained fabric. Heavy, dark drapes cover the window. The time of day is a complete mystery to anyone who has spent any time here and time is all but spent.
The sofa, the room smells like piss and acid. Pizza boxes, broken plastic forks and unwanted, half-eaten food are surrounded by empty beer bottles and overfilled ash trays. A bent spoon sits on the coffee table.
Around the corner, the kitchen cupboards are bare, the fridge empty. It’s water and anti-acids for dinner; anything else would be a waste.
“Have you seen your family?”
“Well, you should. I know they miss you.”
The visit was brief and I was grateful to have had the opportunity, but for some reason I can’t help but be thankful for decisions I made long ago. I emerged almost unscathed, at least in that respect. I wish there was more I could do.
"Call me if you need anything."
In that dark room past, present and future all at once delivered upon us both, redemption.
"Yeah, I will."
p.s. it is round there aren't any sides.
5,047 comments:
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Yes!
Madam Mya at the top!
YAY MYA!!!!
*happy dance with you*
I like it on top...
Thanks, Madam Ergo!
Hey Amy, ergo, elena, Mya
Mayo,
How are ya? Thank you for the new words. I hope you're in a good place. Me? Well, I'm getting there.
I love your quote. It's kind of a scary one though, kind of the way the world is. Don't you think? Temptation is a motherfucker and it's everywhere, right? Just saying...
Oh come on, how else would I say it? There's gotta be a "fuck" in there somewheres when it comes to me.
Shit, I should have apologized in my opening paragraph for typing this to you on God knows how many miligrams of cold medicine. I'm not sick, but I'm not 100% and I gotta knock it out before it takes me out.
Fork in the road, huh? Jeez, well that's enough to do me in right there. Knowing me, I would just sit in the middle and wait for someone to come by and tell me which one I should take. That's the way I roll, dude. Unless, of course, I had a friend who would walk it with me and they would probably choose a road, and I would do my best to talk them out of it and explain why the other road looks like the better, safer choice. Because, again, that's how I roll or sit, or whatever. You get the idea.
I guess what I like most about this post is that I can see myself in either role. I've seen some of the things you described because I have been in that room as both a resident and a visitor. I'm somewhere in the middle, floating around. It's comforting and scary as fuck all at the same time. I'd like to think that if I found myself back in that room again, I would be strong enough to take in my surroundings and be able to get up and walk out, but I also know that I have moments, when I am at my weakest and lowest point, that I want to run back into that room and lock the door.
It's an awesome feeling to know that I would have people hot on my heels and they would keep me from slamming that door by throwing their body in between. And even if I did manage to somehow lock that door, they would beat on it constantly or break out a window or two to get to me.
So, yeah, there is past, present, and future in there, back there. Things I can't change, things I did change, things I should change, and things that I won't ever change.
I wish the room was a hard place to find, but it's not. Because the room can't be found off some beaten path down some long and winding highway in some creepy hotel/motel apartment house basement, it's right here in the back of my mind.
Or the front...
Depending...
Anyways, I hope you can make sense out what I meaning to mean.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. Almost, but not quite.
Oh good grief...I'm meaning...not I meaning.
That's what you get when you write a fucking book, Solly!
Hi Mya, I saw you came in while I was typing my thesis.
Now, I am out again.
Have a great one!
of what I'm meaning.
Gah, I'll stop now for real.
Ya know what Mayo, you piss me the fuck off.
Why?
Because whenever you write of this ugly shit I Always feel you are speaking of yourself. Even if you do everything but deny it.
And that makes me livid.
Why again?
Because you are fucking smart enough to know better. That is why. I may read into things incorrectly, but even when I am told so -I still doubt that I am wrong. And I am loosing my faith in humanity that we are still worth the effort. There are ways to save ourselves. We don't have to wait for someone to come and do it for us. I know it's not easy, but it's not slaying a fucking dragon either. Step the fuck up. The only magic left in the world it what's laying dormant inside of us. And we are the only ones to fucking blame for that.
So anyway, I hope everyone is well. Whether or not you bring your misery on yourself. I am in mood tonight, clearly. And I can't stay to chat even if I Was socially warm to it. I will come back and backread everyone properly when I have a chance. Again, hope every body is good. -Miss and love you guys. Honestly. <33
HI Lewis
and Bye Lewis
The only magic left in the world it what's laying dormant inside of us.
I like that
♥
Hi and bye Lewis. Goodnight solly
goodnight sdock sweet dreams
ewwww Bam Margera wanted him and his wife to have a threesome with Ville Valo. Bam's wife was having none of that, so it never happened.
What the fuck? Where did you hear about this anon?
BC,
Bam was on Howard Stern this morning talking about it.
Eww. If I was his wife, I'd say hell no to that, and I'm glad she didn't went through it. I bet Ville didn't like the idea either.
why does Bam feel the need to share that with the world?
*yawns and rubs her belly*
Oh, thank god tomorrow is payday.
Ergo, you're right. The capitalization feels very different.
I like it!
BC,
Bam said that he thought it would have been fun but awkward the next morning. Bam's wife said that she wouldn't even consider it and turned both of them down on the offer.
Bams wife has brains
Ergo, spot on as usual.
"fun but awkward the next morning"....well give the man a banana for that incredible insight!
Exactly ergo. That was something I didn't want to know about.
Anon, that was very wise for her to say no.
Hallo Amy!
Hahaha Ergo. This is a guy who drives in the snowy and dangerous mountains in Europe with his $300,000 car and throws trash cans at his friends.
He has no brains.
for Martha
i like you
crazy but it feels alright
every day and every night
'she didn't went' lol... Only BC.
Hi there britney anon
hello Bleeding Chaos. i like you too.
i'm not that innocent
hi anon
Thanks Britney anon. You make me laugh :)
Bloody ankle.
What's wrong with it amy?
what happened amy, not literally bloody I hope?
hello Ergoproxy
why Bleeding Chaos?
intoxicate me now
It's the lyrics itself Britney anon. they're cornball shit, and thus, it makes me laugh ^_^
I fell off a ladder at work carrying a shelving unit for a customer, and I landed on my ankle the wrong way.
I've only sprained it though.
she is very popular Bleeding Chaos. i like cornball too.
Please, I’m not quite ready for that next level
DON'T FORGET TO WATCH PUSHING DAISIES! IF IT IS TO LATE FOR YOU TO WATCH IT TONIGHT WATCH IT NEXT WEEK!
That is all
later
O_O
*turns on the TV*
oh ice it and keep it up amy, strap it if it's bad
hello and goodbye Martha Jones
i'm a slave for you
She is anon, but I think right now it's because a lot of people feel sorry for her with all the crap that's been going on with her life.
I kinda feel sorry for her.
I hope your ankle gets better soon Amy.
Hi and bye mj.
hi MJ!
ummmm it's not on here????
NOOOOOOOO
I can't follow the command!!!!!
forgive me!!!!!!!
BC, it should, I've been walking on it most of the day now, it's just... tense I guess?
Ergo, I didn't think it was safe to wrap a sprain. Someone told me once that I shouldn't.
Why wouldn't you wrap a sprain? I say throw some Icy Hot on that bitch and wrap it up.
you can after you've treated it with ice and elevation.
you should't while it's still swelling and very tender.
But proper strapping will support the ankle and stop more pressure on the injured area but making you not move it
but = by
Hey Ergo! The sudden capitalization is kinda strange. Blogger is weird with the subtle changes like that.
I say throw some Icy Hot on that bitch and wrap it up.
The mental image I just got... O_O
Ergo, I don't think it's swelling anymore, it definitely hasn't gotten any bigger since I got home at 6:30. Maybe I should have a hot bath and wrap it up then. I just need to find a tensor bandage.
Tensor bandage? Is that some fancy Canadian word for the beige colored stuff you wrap around and secure with little metal clippy things?
Carrie, you just aced your Surprise! Canadian Lingo test.
-A
cold amy
keep the ankle cold
heat will make the inflammation worse
keep it out of the hot water if you can, then an ice pack and sit with it up, higher than your heart if possible, lie with it on a stool or up on pliiows
then after you ice it (10 mins on/ 5 mins off) for a while you can strap it
Hee, I get a lot of practice with various lingos. Miss T tests me regularly in chat, and I think she's decided I watch a leetle too much BBC America.
oh and Hi Carrie!
we call them elastic bandages, and I do love those clippy things, except don't you always seem to have one with teeth missing or bent flat
Did anyone else's gadgety things on their blogs mess up? I just had to mess with the countdown clock I have for Ghost's deballage, I was just wondering if it had anything to do with Blogger fucking around today.
Ergo, or only one when you need two?
Damn, keep it cold? Well, I suppose that's what beer's for.
Hi there carrie
Hey BC!
I keep forgetting to tell y'all I have a job interview tomorrow. Nothing spectacular, just the deli/bakery area of the store I regularly shop at. I can't decide if I really actually want a job or not though.
Carrie, why not? A job's a good thing to have, it keeps you busy.
What with your kids and going around with dangerous drivers though, I can see your concern!
Glad to hear Al's okay.
BRB, baffin.
oh that;s good carrie, when do you ahev to decide?
Aw good luck with the job interview Carrie.
have
*sheesh!*
Well, I guess I'm not 100% sure they will offer me anything, but I do have a lot of experience, and it's holiday season and all. I just want something really part time, my family is way too used to mom doing everything for them. I just think it would behoove me to get out of the house a bit and maybe meet some more people. I've pretty much been slowly turning into a hermit. :) And thanks for the good luck wishes BC! And have a nice bath, Amy.
oh we have a storm warning again
look at all the pretty colours!
Oooh pretty, and I just love the city names. We have snow here. :)
hello everyone.
it's kinda weird, but neat to watch your weather, ergo.
and good luck tomorrow carrie. it's always good to have something to get you out and about. that has many more benefits for us than we realize.
mayo, elena texted me this afternoon with the news of your new post, so i was eager to get online and read it. it's given me a lot to think about this evening.
Hey TJ!
I think the post is pretty vivid and disturbing, but as always, thought provoking.
Hi TJ!
it is rather pretty
Hi there TJ.
Those are some pretty colors Ergo.
hi there carrie, ergo and bc. :)
disturbing is a good way to describe it carrie, but not in a worrying way, you know? more like bringing you close to something uncomfortable.
at least I won't be driving in it tonight!
last nights driving with the lightning was enough for me for some time
I do not enjoy driving in inclement weather. Even after being here almost 20 years, driving in the snow and ice still kinda freaks me out.
ergo, when you see lightning you just need to cheer zeus on, and then you won't be so afraid.
*flash of lightning*
\0/
go, zeus, go!!
*multiple flashes of lightning*
oooooh, well done, zeus. bravo!
*applauds*
see? like that. :)
I have that new Beyonce song stuck in my damn head and it is driving me insane. I don't even particularly like the song, but I was watching this vid and it got stuck:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6ExgUW6ak8
as always, apologize for lack of clicky skills, I understand what I'm supposed to do, I truly do, but I can never make it work!
ok that wasn't quite my response Tj
it was more, look ahead at the road, turn muse up really loud and sing along loudly while trying to ignore large bolts hitting the ground turning sky pink thinking "please god don't let my car get hit by lightning"
but aren't cars safe, because the metal shell absorbs the lightning or some such? I mean, trust me, I wouldn't want to be the one to test that theory. :)
lol ergo, next time you're safe and sound (and not in a car), try my advice. it makes a difference, you'll see!
Oops, just noticed it's pumpkin time for me. Goodnight ladies, have a pleasant day/night. :)
yeah it actually is safe, lightning is attracted to the metal so it won't ever pass into the car, even if windows are open.
Still though I know that in theory....the thought of it happening is not really pleasant
goodnight Carrie sweet dreams
TJ if he puts on a display tonight I will be happy to cheer!
Goodnight carrie sweet dreams
good night carrie. :)
good, ergo! make me proud!
oh TJ thanks for the dentist related vibes last night he ended up saying come back in 6 months when the other front tooth is through as well
though she wasn't really relaxed apparently, at all
hubby said she jumped when the dentist moved the chair and was stiff as a board, poor thing
so hopefully the other tooth will help push them out
i was looking at pictures of zeus after i mentioned him, and that lead me to this amazing site! it's called theoi.com, and it's purely a resource site for the greek gods, titans, heroes, etc.
it's amazing! and they have a gallery with a thousand images.
i'm looking at a beautiful apollo right now. ♥
i don't have any agreements or arrangements with any of the olympian deities, but apollo and athena were the gods of my childhood. it's so cool to find this site. :)
oh you're welcome, ergo -- i hope it goes better next time. it's so scary to have someone poking around in your mouth when you're a kid.
wow quiet afternoon or night or whatever tinme it is
I have to go and titor for a while (though never sure if it is much good in this case)
be back in an hour and a half or so if anyone is still about
otherwise sweet dreams and I'll see you after work tomorrow
Enjoy titoring ergo. Take care
yes, it is quiet.
see you later, ergo.
damn IT Britney anon now I have that song crazy stuck in my head.
I thought I liked that song. But than I heard it. It sucked.
Hi there mj
hello there, martha.
Hi!
I need help!
Anybody ever mailed anything to Great Britain from the US?
I've got a box that is approx. 5x5x6 and weighs 10 ounces.
Hello bc and tj
Hi there mya. Sorry, can't help you there :(
Hi, TJ, BC, Martha!
hi mya, last time i mailed anything to the u.k., it was just letters, and i used two regular stamps on them.
i think there's a special form of postage you can get from the post office for international mail -- check out their website.
I think I'll just go the post office tomorrow...
Damn computer locked up on me!
Hello Mya sorry can't help you
I always get screwed with the shipping of stuff... pisses me off...
Hey, Martha! I actually got one of those fancy Neutrogena Skin Rejuvenatory thingies... I gave the Wave to my daughter.
I actually like them both.
okay, i'm giving up.
good night everyone.
G'Nite, TJ!
Goodnight TJ, sweet dreams.
BC, why are you up so late?
Guess you're not...
Goodnight Tj
Mya I just started using the wave again. Some of the medication I was taking when I was getting bad headaches really made my skin break out bad and nothing was helping.
Mya, I'm always up this late. Right now i'm talking to someone, so I'm going back and forth here.
Yeah, I'm always up late these days too...
Martha, that Wave really works, doesn't it? I loved it!
Before the medication it really made my skin look nice.
Did it help clear up what the medication messed up?
Once I stopped taking the stuff it helped and got rid of my stressful job that was causing the reasons that I needed to be on the stuff in the first place.
You changed jobs?
I quit my job. It was affecting my health to much. I wasn't sleeping anymore and I was taking all kinds of pills. Every time they fixed one problem something else would pop up.
It went from headaches to breathing problems to sleeping problems to constantly being sick.
I know how that is, Martha... It's a bitch, for sure! You know I lost my job, right? Well, I suddenly realized something just last week - I'm no longer agitated and ill all the time. That place just sucked the life out of me.
And life's too short to live like that! I just wish I had gotten out earlier...
I keep hearing funny sounds...
It's creeping me out...
mayo,
i read your post tonight and heard you describing a visit to an old friend, perhaps someone you once had a lot in common with, until you got out, until you went out and let the crucible of the world touch you.
it made me think of the people i went to high school with. i wouldn't know if any of them are living in the conditions you describe here, because i haven't kept in touch with any of them, except for one, and even she has slipped aside again.
does that sound callous? maybe. but when i was in high school, the idea of staying in one place, working at the same job, all of it wearing a rut through my days, that was my nightmare. living a life as confined as that one you describe in your post, to my teenage self it felt like suicide, it gave me a panicky feeling.
i knew i had to leave. i applied for a boarding school in the east when i was 15, but didn't make it in. my main criteria for college was that it be east of the mississippi, and when my folks and i toured the one i eventually did attend, and i heard about their study abroad program, i was sold. i didn't care one bit that it was a catholic college and me a pagan.
that's what your post reminds me of, that trapped endless loop of empty days that scared me so bad. i know that there's something else in your post, something darker, something deeper, but i don't have the experience to read it.
i just know that you're a better person than i for returning for a visit. i left without a backward glance. i only want to look forward.
no one gets out unmarked, but it's what we do with our scars that define us, don't you think?
good night, mayo. thank you for sharing this with us. it's solemn, but somehow, not sad.
As soon as I stopped going to work I wa able to sleep with out taking sleeping pills. TBH those things had stopped working
that trapped endless loop of empty days that scared me so bad.
But here's the thing, TJ - those endless loops of empty days can be so different to so many different people.
What kind of sounds
For me it was my job. For someone else it could be a loveless marriage. See what I mean?
Creepy sounds...
Nah... Just creaky stuff... Probably because it is below 30 degrees!!
TJ, the endless loop of endless days could be for someone who doesn't have that "special someone", or even my Grandmother who is at assisted living place...
At least you got to study abroad...
Which broad did you study, by the way?
Just kidding...
30 below O_O I would die
Where are you Mya? The North Pole?
I am in South Carolina.
Thought you all knew that?
How is your finger? Has it healed yet?
Mah fanger?
Actually, it was hurting like a sonofabitch yesterday! I imagine I'm going to have a little trouble with it from now on... But the surgeon has only given it a rating of 3%. I'll probably develop arthritis in it... MuthaFu...
Let's see, a 3% rating is probably going to bring me a compensation of about... $20
Anon, where are you?
Hello anon
One of my cats is watching me a little to closely. I think he is planning something.
Oh, No, Martha!
Sorry, still here. Just doing the girlie grooming stuff ^_~
How is your daughter Mya? Well I hope.
Martha I'm pleased to read you are feeling much better. And I see you have a fan as well :)
I just hope he isn't like one of mine! He is the literal definition of being pissed off!
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Sorry, still here. Just doing the girlie grooming stuff ^_~
You mean, the waxing, plucking, douching?
hi there anon
My daughter is great, Thank you!
It is after 3:00 am... Why am I still up??!!
Oh! I know why! Like something my daughter say, "Cause I CAN!!!!!!!"
says
Thank you anon I tis good to feel better I see I do have a fan (Britney anon thank you for the song. EVen if they drive me crazy. That song is still stuck in my head.)
No Mya, it's called slapping on the perfumed body lotion.
You're up because you're talking to nice people!
Yes, the "night crew", right?
perfumed body lotion? Hmmmm...... What you getting ready for?
That's a fallacy, there is no "crew".
It's just nice to talk :)
Let me ask you a question, anon... May I?
I'm definitely not part of any "crew". I've always marched to the beat of a different drum.
Mya, nothing, just a nightly ritual. Don't you do anything like that?
I might run a toothbrush past my mouth, that's about it...
And I'll put on a new Depends...
ROTFLMAO!
I'm old.
Get it?
I'll slap the shit outta anyone who agrees with that!
Where are you guys??!!
haha!
Seriously, you can't be that old?
I'm pretty damn old, anon!
That's what my driver's license keeps telling anyway!
Ok, how old? Or should I say young?
Why don't you take a guess?
I'll give you a Twinkie if you get it right!
Why isn't skip beat 7 out yet?
I'm gonna wake up with another shit-ass headache in the morning...
Sounds like a trick question.
You're not easily offended are you?
wow we just had a helluva storm!
we even had little hails, well teeny but still
can stills see clouds off to the west as well
Hi mya
hi anon
Hi Mj
goodnight TH sweet dreams
What is skip beat 7, Martha?
TH is of cours TJ
damn
Anon, Me? Easily offended? Hell, No!
Hi, Ergo! Welcome back!
Hey Ergo! How old do you think Mya is?
No fair! You're cheating, Anon! Ergo knows how old I am!
Hey you never said there were any rules :)
There are unwritten laws and rules everywhere
AND YOU MUST OBEY!
lol that's cause its not far from me!
Anon's not even gonna try to guess...
but you're only as old as the man you feel.....
*giggles*
Okay, rules obeyed!!!
*covers eyes and sticks pin on donkey tail*
*makes guess*
I'm guessing you're....3...36!
Just what do you want, Anon? I ain't no rich widow woman, so just what's your angle here?
Ergo, are you believing this anon?
um...no angle *big smile*
You may be a bigger smart ass than I am, Anon.
I like you.
I think flattery gets you everywhere anon !!
Okay...since we're playing...how old do you think Mayo is?
I'm guessing 52.
Why the hell would you guess Mayo's age as 52?!
Why would an old fart of 52 be fucking around on Blogger?
hello ep
And the first person that answers that shit is gonna get the shit knocked outta them!
Um...let's see.
He had a bit of a plumbing problem earlier on...(you know men in their senior years tend to get that)
...and he's always moaning.
Because he likes younger women Mya
I'm sure there's lots of old farts on blogger!
I had a friend that died of prostate cancer at the age of 38.
Martha, that isn't a reason... ALL men like younger women.
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