Your subtlety lacks finesse. Either it is, or it isn’t.
And, we know it is.
But it is incomplete, isn’t it. What is it that was left out or held back?
Well, let me remind you.
Fear at all hours of the day and night. And, I couldn’t breathe without suggesting abandon, so I suffocated from repression. Then, managing the never ending time spent attempting to quell your irrational needs killed me. It was never enough, the time, the attention, the truth, so I finally caved. Yet, the debate continued. And, you couldn’t stop me or make me change my mind, and that infuriated you. But, instead of pushing so hard you would have been better off just killing time.
But, I relent and you suffer delusion and sometimes it was the other way around.
It was like this; there, assembled from misery, denial and frustration, we produced an alternate reality. Can we just admit that it was unnatural? Not quite forced, but awfully close. If so, then we’ll leave it at that.
In the end, it was finished. I’m surprised we held out as long as we did.
And yes, “it was grand, and we have the pictures to prove it.”
Now it’s just shit and we are both shoveling.
p.s. while hiding beneath the window, crying.
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2,962 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1601 – 1800 of 2962 Newer› Newest»MJ I just never get time to watch it is all
I should try to as I do like it
brb
hi there bc!
martha, that first one, the sunred one, that sounds like fun. i'll have to see if the library has it once i get back to seattle.
Anyway girls, I stole the top, and now I'm going to bed. See you guys in the morning/afternoon.
Goodnight Mayo and SS!
-A
Goodnight amy
good night amyranth. thanks for the coffee!
:)
Goodnight amy
that made me think of umbrella academy. :/
and every time i see the word "umbrella" i get a jolt -- is it about the new series?? no. just my brain making connections with words that used to be blissfully random.
*aggrieved sigh*
:)
Goodnight Amy sweet dreams.
-From the Easter Bunny.
TJ I don't think you will find it. I have only found the anime fansub and nothing else.
Thinking about easter already BC? We haven't even done Thanksgiving.
oh shoot, martha. well. then i'll just have to put it on my anime list.
goodnight amy sweet dreams
Haha, nope anon. Amy just likes to think I'm the Easter Bunny just because I have a pet rabbit. That's how she is ^_^
Just teasing BC ^_~
Wabbits are cute. I like doggies.
(|'.'|)
yay MJ and the puppy!
It's been dead all round the blogs lately
You look like Princess Leia, Martha :)
Is that meant to be a puppy? Oops, sorry...
yeah MJ maybe it's a busy time of the year?
It's alright anon. That comment made me laugh
You got me there anon ^_^
I love doggies too. I used to have a pug, but now I'm dogless :/
@(|'.'|)@
princess leia puppy
Nice ergo...only now she looks like pippi longstocking *giggles*
lol you guys. :)
i had to get the contract back to my editor.
*smug*
I like that one Ergo :)
it's so good he wants you to write another too!
Toujours, the future Alice Sebold or Ursula Le Guin ? :)
I think she could do it anon, I mean she did co-author the blog gothic,
which , not being impatient or anything, I'd really like to know how it ends
that's a fact, ergo!
oh, anon, what an honor that would be, you have no idea...ursula k. le guin is one of the pillars of my childhood.
i was only aiming for mercedes lackey.
oops, sorry about the delay, ergo! i think elena realy does want to finish it, and i know i definitely do. don't give up on us yet!
Dear SS,
Hi Precious, I haven't taken the time to write to you in a while. How's life treating you? Been busy lately? You seem like the kind of guy who's busy even while you're relaxing. :)
Are you taking care of yourself, keeping well? It's the time of year for colds, flu, sinus trouble, all the "nassy" upper respiratory things. When you go out in the cold, remember please to wear your scarf and hat. If you get sick, and then try to keep up your usual work pace, you'll wear yourself down. So, keep warm, ok? I worry about you.
You probably know that your actual physical presence here is missed something terrible. You know definitely that I miss catching glimpses of you around and about. But you should also know that I can still feel your warmth, your smile, your gentle, genuine concern. I know you're here because I can hear you in my heart.
You know that I believe in you and will be here for you if you ever need me. If you ever start believing the people who say "You can't do that" or "You're wrong, you're stupid" or "If you cared about me you'd do thisorthat", give them the traditional punk salute, yell "OI!", and listen to that quiet voice in your ear. That'll be me, telling you THEY'RE wrong, and that I know you can do whatever you feel is right. I'll be beside you, at least in spirit, the whole way.
Goodnight, baby. I love you.
My heart to yours, always.
Toujours always believe in the possibilities...
Aim for the stars, you may not get there now, but one day with hard work and persistence you might :)
And for what's it's worth, I think you write very well, almost melodic.
Hello to all my beautiful friends! I miss talking to you ladies, but I've been kind of in "emotional upheaval" for a while. It's getting better, though, and so I should be back pretty soon. One of our friends is loaning us her old laptop until L can get one of her own, so come Thursday we can BOTH be here at the same time! (I can hear you all saying, Oh Lord, I gotta be busy on Thursday! Two of them at once! AAAGGGHHH!!!)
Anyway, I'm off to bed, just wanted to say hi. Take care everyone, and we'll see you soon!
love, faith, hope, snickerdoodles, kittehs
hi J :]
anon anon you should have read the article, considering I had no clue on the topic it was really interesting and led me to find out more about it
Goodnight J, take care.
goodnight J and L too
thank you, anon, for the encouragement and the compliment. both are always very good to hear. :)
i do believe that if i stay true to my inner compass, i'll get to where i want to go. it may not always be a pretty path, but it's important to follow it all the same.
and good night j., sweet dreams!
goodnight j
Where is your article getting published toujours?
p.s. I'm still waiting for your blog "map" :)
i understand the magazine is supposed to be on the stands december 10, anon. their website.
and you know, i've been thinking about that map! about how big do you think the great hall here is? 32 feet by maybe 40? have to iron out the proportions first, donchaknow. ;)
so that would be about 10m x 15m
you mean the room we are in now?
I always saw it as a bit smaller, sort of cosier and maybe even a bit cramped
Hi and goodnight J :)
oooh a Wicked Winter chocolate Factory Faire!
I wish I could go to that!!
Very interesting toujours :). Best of luck with it.
Hmmm...I'm not really sure about the proportions...because i'm not really here ...just a traveller from another point in space and time ^_^
*pokes anon*
*hand goes straight through*
gasp!!
O_O
ah, so you know how to go ecto, anon. *nods knowingly*
ergo, but this is the great room of a mansion, it should be well, you know...great, shouldn't it?
maybe it's crowded because we usually filled it up with chatter. :)
Hey... that tickles!
TJ not heaps smaller, I'm just comparing it to the size of your shed which is 9m x 12m and that is closer. or 8 x 10m
which is approx 27 x 36 or 24 x 30
your shed should of course read "our" shed
I bought this today
cool shirt, ergo!
and i'm glad you clarified, because i was all scratching my head, trying to figure out how i got a shed and furthermore when i told you about it! lol
i was reading about great room dimensions on a home builders' forum, which is where i came up with the dimensions. guess i need to do more research. :/
I think of it more as a lounge, a bigger size is like a ballroom type size
plus the heating would be astronomical! lol
but you go by what you feel Tj your vision is special
i don't see it as big as a ballroom -- yikes that would be cavernous! i'll have to meditate on it further. ;)
my vision is special, hmm? how come i always get nervous when people say that? lol
Mayo
Christopher Robin and I walked along
Under branches lit up by the moon
Posing our questions to Owl and Eeyore
As our days disappeared all too soon
But I've wandered much further today than I should
And I can't seem to find my way back to the Wood
This passage replays over and over in my head tonight. The words bring back memories of my little girls. Memories from a time when they sat at my feet and I would read to them every night before tucking them into bed.
Our bookshelf was filled with favorites. Good Night Moon, The Runaway Pancake, The Wild Child and, of course, Winnie The Pooh.
I’m once again lost in memories. The girls have all wandered much further than they should. No, that’s not really true. They have to wander, they have to go out into the world. They have to leave me behind. Still, it hurts sometimes. I’m watching them as they go further and further each day. Our days do disappear all too soon. And I wonder will they ever find their way back.
Filled with sadness, loneliness and regret for each moment I let slip away.
Don’t let one moment of your life slip by unnoticed. They pass by so quickly. Take care, always.
Night Mayo
Elena (infinite sadness)
oh, elena. hugs for you, and best wishes for a good night.
goodnite elena.
:(
cool shirt ep.
:)
clearly it's time for me to go to bed, as well. i just found myself reaching for my hand lotion to put on my toothbrush. :/
(in my defense, my lotion is in a squeeze tube shaped very like a tube of toothpaste...)
so good night again elena, and good night ergo, and anon. and good night to martha and bc and all the lurkers.
sweet dreams everyone. :)
Goodnight toujours and ergo. Sleep well.
goodnight elena
Goodnight tj
mayo,
the day can turn around so suddenly. the main portion of my day today was spent feeling miserable, spent thoroughly discouraged. but even before i got online and discovered the happy-making email from my editor, something began to shift.
maybe it was the solitary dinner, a peaceful space granted by my folks' plans for the evening. i don't know exactly what it was, but the hopelessness began to break apart, and that was when i had an idea.
the image came to me of a skull, momento mori. a solemn image, to be sure, but it didn't seem so to me. it didn't have a "death's gonna getcha!" feeling, instead it suddenly seemed kindly, and i had the notion that it came with the words: "do not despair."
that's my downfall, you see. i stumble, and become discouraged. i despair. i always manage to pick myself back up eventually, but it's a struggle. this skull feels like something hopeful i can hang on to, something to remember next time i fall, something to use to pull myself up by my bootstraps.
every moment i sit, despairing, that's a moment i waste. i don't mean that i must always be productive...i know as a writer that half the process of any creative act is staring off into space, daydreaming. but to sit there, lost to myself and disheartened is a waste of each pure living moment. i may not always be happy, but even in my sadness i should be aware that i'm breathing, i'm feeling, i'm thinking. to close my eyes in despair is to hasten the day they close forever.
so, the skull, and the phrase. every moment is a chance to start over.
good night, mayo. we are each of us a gift, even if just to ourselves.
I am off for the night. Goodnight guys.
Goodnight BC
sorry I got caught up in a phonics game with my daughter
TJ I mean special in the nicest possible way
sweet dreams
elena it is so hard but I know you are strong enough to cope, and to know that you have made beautiful young adults with a grounding to find their own way
sweet dreams
goodnight BC sweet dreams too
and goodnight anon (can't wait for the shirt to arrive *grin*)
sweet dreams
MJ I'm off to have dinner so take care, I might catch you later otherwise sweet dreams too
later ep
*aaaaaa~choo*
Excuse me!
Good morning/afternoon/evening Mayo, SS, Ergo, Martha, Elena, Amy, J !!!!!!, Sweetcheeks, TJ; the possibly soon to arrive adorable Possum and the equally adorable FASC; various anons, watchers and lurkers; all proud and pained/worried parents (and children) in the land of blog !
How are you all today? Well and good, I hope! I also hope none of you have a sore rump. Sore from being knocked on it four times, by a horse (otherwise known as: Sierra, doggie niece extraordinaire(ly) huge ~ The Siberian Husky). Her paws are bigger than my hands! She loves her Nanny too! Too much, sometimes! Well, she did give me a nice face, neck and hair washing while I was on the ground. Each time!
On second thought, I hope some of you do have a sore rump. Sore due to the great love of a huge, overgrown puppy! Ahh... okay, that COULD be taken the wrong way; but, ya’ll know what I meant!
Mya: I hope your dad had a very happy birthday!!!! I know you were happy just to be with him! I’m going check out your new furnishings as soon as I’m done here. BEWARE!
Ergo: That really IS a great looking shirt!!!!! I’m so glad you decided to go ahead and treat yourself to it!
*smooooooch*
Martha: I’m sorry to see you weren’t in such a good mood earlier. I’m glad to see you were cheered up a bit! I love both the puppy dog and the princess Leigha puppy!!! I’m going to have to go practice that wolf, at your place, again. Provided, you don’t mind the mess too much.
TJ: I’m so happy to see you so happy! Congratulations on the completion of your first, paid, writing assignment and the “order” for a second. I hope many more opportunities are heading your way!
Sweetcheeks: I’m sorry to hear you’re still not feeling well. I am happy to hear that you’re really a “one man woman”. I think Killer would appreciate knowing that as well! Be sure to include that statement on your “wanted” poster! ;)
I LOVE that idea!
Replies have sent via myspace.
J: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What can I say? YES, I am that excited and happy to see your name/initial here, again! I’ve missed seeing it and reading what you have to say (here). May I also say: I can’t wait until Thursday!!!!!! A possible double dose of PUNK ~ administered at one time! YAY!
Elena: See today’s submission for pondering, please.
*huge hug*
Miranth: I miss you! I hope you are well and I hope things are getting better!
Amy: You forgot to pack my lunch, missy. You do realize this will mean more work for Ergo! ;)
GS: I’m glad you appreciated the quote. Thank you for saying so! Let me know when you need more crazy glue. I have restocked!
Today’s submission for your reading pleasure/pondering consideration:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When You Thought I Wasn't Looking
Unknown
When you thought I wasn't looking,
saw you hang up my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you feed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I knew that little things are special things.
When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I believed there is a God I could always talk to.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but it's all right to cry.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I felt you kiss me goodnight, and I felt loved.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you take care of our house and everyone in it and I learned we have to take care of what we are given.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I LOOKED at you
....and wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw ~
when you thought I wasn't looking.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They’re looking, Elena. No matter what they may say now; They’re looking, learning and loving you for teaching them.
One of the many things I will always be grateful for is having the chance to show my father what he taught me. Having many chances, over the last few years of his life, to hear him ask:
“Where did you learn to do that, my Wen? Who taught you how to do that?”
Having those opportunities, the gift of those moments, to look up into his eyes and reply “YOU DID, daddy. I learned from watching you.”
Seeing tears, well up, in the eyes of this big, beautiful, gentle, 6’2 former football star of a man . A man I had the privledge to call “dad”.
Dang it! I need more tissue. It’s the holiday season AND hormones, this time. ;)
Have a great Monday/Tuesday, everyone. Take some time to let your parents (or mentors) know what they have taught you, please!
Hugs and Love,
~Namaste~
6/Wendy
Hi PJ, SIM, DG, VM and The Right Anon.
WOW again! I just seem to take up more and more space in the mornings (for me).
Sorry Mayo. Sorry everyone.
I guess that's what happens when I don't stop in to chat!
*blows vanilla flavored kisses (with a hint of death) to Martha*
*blows apple cinnamon flavored kisses to everyone else*
HI Wendy
thanks *smoooooch"
I have packed you some rice with goulash sour cream and cheese....and a sprinkle of chopped parsley
Mayo,
picture a vase
clear and tall,
cool water
filling it almost
to the brim.
And in that vase
there is a single stem,
green and straight,
leading up to
two vivid glossy leaves,
then on
to blush pink petals
spreading out
in concentric rows
around a yellow centre
can you see it?
it's for you
much love EP xx
SS
I place
a small
purple
tin
watering can
upon
a table
and inside
I put
a
bright
yellow
sunflower
to
bring
sunshine
to your
room
lotsa love EP xx
goodnight blogbelieve see you in my morning
♥xx♥
Thank you Wendy, Ergo and TJ
Thank you for being there for me, for listening and for understanding.
Sometimes I feel like such an Eeyore. - "Have a nice day, if it is a nice day."
I really wish I could be more Tigger. LOL
Thank you, friends,
Morning Mayo!
An old lady just hung up on me. Yeah. It's Monday, dude. Help me. Or them. Not sure which yet. Muwahaha. O_o
SS!!!
Haven't screamed at you lately so there. Hope you are doing well!
Jules,
Miss you! I feel like it's been forever! :(
And for old times:
MUUUUSSSTTAARRRDDD!!!!!!
*windows rattle*
*Mayo's portrait goes lop-sided*
*a glass breaks in the kitchen*
I miss that. :)
Have a great day all!
**opens the back door and enters**
**places rose on the kitchen table for Elena**
**exits through the back door**
Good morning, guys! Princess, I miss you, too! I was going to go on AIM last night but then I got back late and my stupid computer has some kind of virus or something. >_< It's acting crazy. I thought I fixed it last night but it is still there.
Last night I watched X Files, ate a pomegranate, read some Stephen King,read some Dragonlance and then tried to go to sleep. Instead I found lurking behind my eyes that old whore I like to call All That You Love Will Be Carried Away and we had the same conversation we always have.
ATYLWBCA: Dark, isn't it?
Me: Oh christ, not you again, dickweed.
ATYLWBCA: So, how old is your Grandma now? Do you think thta diabetes is going to eventually mess up her kidneys?
Me: She's fine. Piss off.
ATYLWBCA: Maybe. But it's going to be really hard for everyone when she's gone. don't you think the Boychild is going to miss her? And what if it happens before you have a kid? If you ever decide to, that is. It won't ever know its great grandmother.
Me: shut up. I don't have time to be thinking about kids now.
ATYLWBCA: Except for everyone else's. Like your cousins. One of them drives now, you know. He drives an awful lot.
Me: Pink bubble.
ATYLWBCA: Oh yeah, I'm so sure that will protect him.
Me: It will. It protects all of them.
ATYLWBCA: You're delusional. And never mind car accidents. They can get sick. It starts with little warnings that no one pays attention to.
Me: I pay attention. And I'm going to study medicine so that I can prevent or even help cure even the worst diseases. My first kung Fu teacher beat the worst kind of blood cancer there is. Anything's possible.
ATYLWBCA: Right, how did she say that started? She just felt tired one day. That's how all lingering tragedies start. They don't announce themselves with a parade and fireworks. They announce themselves quietly one afternoon, with a lingering cough, a sudden bloody nose, a little paleness in the gums (like your friend's toddler,) a pain in the lower back, or just plain feeling tired one day. Anything could be anything.
Me: Look, could you go away? Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, Cloud Strife, Raistlin Majere.
ATYLWBCA: How is your goddaughter's arthritis? Doesn't that have long term effects? How old is your Dad now? He stopped working out, didn't he. Isn't there a lot of cancer on that side of the family? On both sides of the family? Can't worry give you cancer? Your mom worries a lot.
Me: We both take care of ourselves. I make sure everyone does.
ATYLWBCA: Not your cousins, though. They live on a diet of starch, sugar and carcinogens.
Me: Fantasy. Final Fantasy. Legend of Zelda. My own novel. I should write it. I should write more.
ATYLWBCA: "Guardian Angels," that's your Mom's favorite song, right? But it's actually really sad and you think it's about dying.
Me: I've got to get my financial aid and loans straightened out. My check is already a week late. Money! Money problems are easier to focus on than you. Clear off and go away.
ATYLWBCA: I wonder where your cousins are going to be driving this weekend.
Me: I should get back to writing soon. I should do short stories; that would be a good place to start.
ATYLWBCA: All that you love will be carried away.
Me: I should write about you.
And on and on and on. >_<
BUT! In other news, you know what tomorrow is? It's the 18th, and that's the day that Calaf became Calaf on this blog! How cool. Yes, I was out on a date and that's when Calaf signed on. I was reading from my Blackberry while I waited for "Pretty" who was late, of course.
Gosh, a whole year. O_O
Oops, I have to run. I wasn't paying attention to the time and my birds aren't even fed yet.
Later!
You should have called me, Jules. I was wide awake, too. I kept thinking about Christmas and just what the hell do you buy an eight year old that has everything. I was cold, I couldn't breathe, I felt like puking, I was thirsty and I kept hearing something that sounded like an engine revving up like when someone is stuck in the mud. Huh.
Oh, and guess what else tomorrow is!
TROPIC THUNDER TUESDAY! HELLZ YEAH!
^_^
Oh my gosh, the holidays. I know it. I have so many damn kids to buy for, and they all have everything already and how the hell am I supposed to pay all the holiday bills this year plus my loans (down the road) and fill my gas tank and get groceries? And what do I buy everyone?
But that turns into just small beans and I actually try to focus on things like that when I'm stuck on All That You Love Will Be Carried Away.
Tropic Thunder though, yeah! ^_^ I'm going to run out and buy it first thing! :D
Princess, now that I think of it, that sounds like a panic attack that you were having, you know?
hello K and Smoke
Thank you for the beautiful roses, anon. They brought a smile to my face.
Hey Elena!
I get like that all the time. Like not being able to breathe? I don't know why. I don't really feel anxious or anything, I just can't get a deep breath. And last night, I just wasn't sleepy at all. And then I get mad. The tv was blaring in the living room. I have to have complete silence and it has to be pitch black dark. Most of the time I sleep with a pillow on top of my head which doesn't help the feeling of not being able to breath but yeah. O_o
I iz cezy psycho when it comes to sleeping.
Hey Elena!
And my boss just came back from the doctor and she has the flu.
So now I'm holding my breath and waiting for her to leave so I can spray everything down with Lysol.
O_O
You know what I think on days like today, after I have those long conversations with ATYLWBCA? Those times of deep, personal stupidity? I think that this is why I have to document everything in writing and pictures. Like, "See, these people were here. I was here. All of this interesting stuff happened and these people were there for it; they were a part of it. That's how grand it was. All of these people existed and they lived in interesting times."
That's what I think that's about, sort of. That's why I'm obsessed with journaling and taking pictures.
Gosh, I just wish I did that. Not the worrying about it but the writing stuff down and taking pics of everything. I've gotten better about it but for several years I was just too lazy to do it and now those years are gone. You know, the last time we took a family portrait? Probably about five years ago. That's sad.
I'll be back in a bit, you guys; I have to try to figure out what all these numbers with dollar signs mean, and I have to call this lady and go to web pages with even more numbers on them. >_<
Can't I just read books, give people herbs and stick them with needles?
Hee-hee. Sure! ^_~
I gotta go, too. Gotta finish these accounts.
Have a great afternoon Mayo, SS and everyone! Later!
Hi everyone.
So sorry to hear you haven't been feleing well BC.
Congrats TJ on the writing.
Two laptops eh? We will be seeing op's everywhere hee hee! I hope you feel better soon J and I hope L's mum's treatment is going well.
Come back calaf and make K smile.
I just popped in to tell you all the exciting news that I am going for a bath.
See you all later.
Son-of-a...
Mutha...
My internet and phone (all through the same carrier) is all messed up!
I called and they don't know anything... Sending someone out later today...
but it is miraculously working now! But for how long?
These people piss me off!
OK, enough ranting...
Hi, Everybody!
Last night, our dinner for my Mother's birthday, was so much fun!
My brothers and I started telling all these funny stories about when we were younger. Of course, I told the ruined Christmas stories that I told here earlier.
All the kids were laughing so hard, they had tears streaming down their faces! I think we need to start video taping these get-togethers!
One story that my brothers love to tell is about when our youngest cousin was born.
He was born in December and we all went to my Grandmother's for Christmas. My brothers, who were about 12 and 13 at the time, asked if the new baby was there. They were told that he was sleeping in the front bedroom.
Wanting to see the new baby, they went to the front bedroom, where they saw a crib. They walked over to the crib and peered in. They saw the biggest newborn baby they had ever seen! And suddenly, the baby looked up at them and said, "Hey!"
Both brothers were so shook up and came back to the den and started asking questions. They were really freaked out! Turns out that the baby they saw was my aunt's 2 yr. old nephew that was also visiting!
The newborn was in a bassinet in the corner. They just didn't think to look there!
OK, I'm in a story-telling mood...
Here's another hilariously funny story about my family!
Years ago, we were at my Grandmother's, yet again... Earlier in the evening, we were all telling ghost stories. One of my great-uncles told about his encounter with a ghost - a woman, wearing a long white evening gown, with long flowing white hair...
Anyway, later that night, my Dad woke up to an eerie feeling... When he opened his eyes, he saw a woman in a long white gown, with long-flowing white hair, leaning over him!
Thinking of protecting himself, he decided to grab her before she could grab him! When he did, the woman screamed in shock!
My Grandmother never again tried to put an extra blanket on their bed!
LOL Mya sweetie, you have one funny family.
I could imagine the kids' look of surprise when the "newborn" spoke to them. Classic. Hahahahahaha!
I got to thinking about what I wrote today; about my obsession with documenting every little thing and taking pictures of it. I think that's really why I got so deeply into Sei Shonagon's Pillow Book. It is a map of another person's life, in another time. But since the map is made up of details--backroads and tiny tributaries--you can see how little has changed in a thousand years. There were no photographs back then, obviously, but through her vivid descriptions you know the kind of world she inhabited. And through her words, you know the kind of woman she was. (It helps that I feel similar to her in ways, too. She was snarky and bitchy, she didn't suffer fools gladly. But she was also cheerful, helpful, and smart.)
It really sealed the reasons why I journal my life, and why it's so detailed. Nailed it shut, in fact.
Someday some ancestor of mine is going to be going through my stuff and they will hopefully understand everything I want them to understand.
"I found Great-Great Grandma's external hard drive--what a quaint piece of hardware!--and I managed to upload it into my Mind Chip. I found her journals, her stories in their original form, and thousands of pictures and videos. It's so amazing!"
"Really? What was she like? I read her biography and saw the movie, but what was she really like?"
"Well, you know that most of our family fortune came from the books that she wrote. It's what put my father through college, and some of Great Great Grandma's cousins through college, too. And we know that before her books got famous, she was a holistic doctor. We know she danced the Hula all her life and knew Kung Fu, we know that she traveled to Japan and China and Italy. We know she went to Hawai'i a bunch of times too. We know she helped a lot of people. We know she died when she was 113. But this journal is a book in and of itself. I feel like I really know her now; like she was talking to me.
She was happy. And I guess she was really ahead of her time. She obviously had no use for convention at all. She never married, but she went ahead and had a family anyway. Now remember, this wasn't an easy or widely accepted thing to do back then. She was pretty. She said she wasn't pretty, but there are some nice pictures of her.
Before she even went to school for alternative medicine, she built an aviary for sick or injured birds and she took care of them every day. She had thousands of birds come and go through her aviary. She had a bunch of cool pets through her life. Dogs, crows, an iguana, and she kept them all very nicely. She cared a lot about animals. In fact, she was a vegetarian and animal rights activist when most people thought those things were really stupid.
She fought for gay rights at a time when gays weren't allowed to marry. I know it seems crazy now, but back then gays were second class citizens and she spoke out against that. She lived in a barbaric time when saying words like 'f*ggot' and 'n*gger' and calling women bitches was considered 'edgy,' only she didn't think that was so edgy. She had really harsh words for people like that. Remember, there weren't even black presidents before President Obama was elected. She fought hard for him, too. There are pages and pages about him in her journal. Times were really different back then. Women still got paid less and a few of them they still relied on their husbands for their careers.
Back in Great Great Grandma's time, people and animals were still used as slaves. Not a hell of a lot of people paid attention to that, or even knew about it. The people who did try to open their eyes to the cruelty that was going on were often shunned. But that didn't stop her. She knew about sweat shops, slave-harvested chocolate and diamonds, and all of that crazy stuff when most people never gave it a second thought. A lot of people got mad at her over that. Even some people in her family thought she was crazy or over-reactive. Can you imagine that? Like I said, times were different back then.
We know she went to Hawai'i a lot, but what I didn't know was that the first time she went was in 2002, and she went alone because she was tired of waiting to go there on a honeymoon. Back then, women didn't really do that sort of thing too much. Women used to get married in their twenties back then, before Life Extension programs, when people were lucky to see 100. Considering the average life span in her time, she lived to a really old age.
She helped other people live to a really old age, too. And she continued to practice medicine for free when she wasn't out promoting those books that helped our family so much. She healed a lot of people.
Oh, back in her time video games were something you played on a television. You couldn't actually go into the world like you can now. But Great Great Grandma loved it just the same. In fact, there were some fanfictions on her external hard drive. That makes me want to visit the Final Fantasy theme park! Maybe I'll take you there next week.
In her journal she talks about how much she loved the ocean. Now remember, back in her day, the environment was in a lot of trouble and the oceans were a mess. Again, many people in her country didn't think too much about that, but she did. She was part of the movement to try to help. This was way before we could reverse any of the damage. Back then all they could do was try to stop making it worse. But she still went to the ocean anyway. She says her island always smelled like salt water and flowers. She loved flowers. She had a room full of plants before her books came out. Then when she made her fortune, she had an entire house full of plants. My father--your grandfather, of course--always says he remembers growing up in a rain forest, right out there on eastern Long Island.
Just by reading her journal I can tell she was really neurotic. She was always afraid that people she loved were going to die. It got worse once Dad was born because she was really neurotic over him. Even before that though, she would even lie awake at night worrying about when her pets would die. Which, of course, they always did. She said she would have imaginary conversations with that neurotic fear of hers and she called it "All That You Love Will Be Carried Away." If that sounds familiar, it's because she wrote one of her famous stories about that.
But then after the story came out, and as she got older, that voice bothered her less and less and eventually she just chilled out and learned to enjoy the time she had with everybody.
Oh, now here are the really cool little details. I filed them all 'goodies' in my Mind Chip. The people she met and the little things she understood about them. She had a way of seeing such beauty in everyone. She had little nicknames for people she liked, like The Lady Chrysanthemum, Sharp-wit Boy, Jennel, Beautiful Boy, and a best friend always referred to as 'My Wonderful Friend Kim,' as if that were a proper name. There were nicknames for our ancestors, too; her contemporary relatives. Jo-chan, Bouya, the Boychild. She called my Dad 'Fox.' I think that was from some old show on television or something. She called herself 'La Belle Laide.' She was really tall, well-built with a thick sheaf of wavy black hair and a knowing smirk that some people thought of as bitchy. Well, she was thought of as 'bitchy' sometimes. She thought of herself as bitchy, but she didn't see that as such a bad thing, especially compared to how the rest of the world was back then.
Ahhh, that little rumor about her having that affair with Joaquin Phoenix, apparently that's true! She was a sly little minx, Great Great Grandma was!
Hahahaaa! I'm such a nerd. Joaquin Phoenix indeed. O_o ;)
How will your descendants talk about you? In the best case scenario, what will they say about you 100+ years from now?
And be as crazy and wild as you want to be!
Oh my.
Wow.
I dunno.
Gotta think on that for a bit.
Cool! I hope you will answer. It was kind of fun to look into that best possible scenario future. ^_^
Hiya K, that's a great legacy you are leaving. It's kinda like a modern day version of a timecapsule. A better version really cos you don't have to get the wellies and spade out to dig it up hahaha!
I myself am far too lazy to document everything. I have made an early new years resolution though to take my camera out more.
Hiya anon, I think my relatives will look back and say, "now here we come to the loony one in the family, she was mad about Ancient Egypt, or was that just mad. She would bore her friends and relatives with her stories. She could get excited over the smallest piece of dirt as long as it was Egyptian. Yup a total loon".
"And supporting Spurs WTF! A shame on our family history for sure"
hahahahahaha!
Misty, I was "TODD," just so you know. :) That whole kind of thing is on my mind big time today.
I think it's great to be the "loony one" in the family. :D They are the ones you remember.
Oh, and I really really hope that there will be a Final Fantasy theme park in my lifetime. Holy crap, I'd get a Forever Membership. ;)
Hiya K (AKA TODD) hahahaha!
Final fantasy theme park eh?
We went to the big shopping mall in Manchester last year (Fim can tell you about it). We went to the food hall to go to Pizza Hut (no surprise there).
When we got there would you believe the surprise when I found out that the pizza hut was all done out like an Egyptian temple. Even the drinks machine had carvings all over the front. There were big pillars covered in hieroglyphs.
I am not ashamed to say that I almost wet myself with excitement.
ALMOST being the important word here hahahahaha!
See, now I would have had to take about a hundred pictures. Oh man, that is so cool! Don't you love when you walk into your fantasy like that?
And you just made me miss FIm really hard. Where the hell is she? >_<
I know K, it's great. My two fave things merged.
Dunno about fimmy. She apeared on the porch last thurs to say hi and that was it, gone, poof just like that.
Come back fimmy, we miss you.
"I have twenty-three tiny wishes, but you probably won't remember them all, so I put them all together into one...I'd like to spend more time with you"
—Aerith
I miss Fimmy, too. :( I have not talked to her in like forever. I am going through Fimmy-withdrawals. I don't like it.
I was just reading back to some old stuff back from over a year ago and OMG, I laughed so hard.
We were hilarious. Just freakin' hilarious.
Well, we still are but God that was funny.
Oh, and hello MissT! I don't think I've actually said hi to you at all today!
*squeezes MissT*
Oooooooo nice squeeze smoke sweetie.
How are you sweetie?
What gems of wisdom were we coming out with last year?
good morning
You just wouldn't believe, MissT. But if you ever need a good laugh, just read back at some of that old stuff. Funny as hell. :)
Speaking of piccies and videos,
I know Solly was thinking about doing a photo slide-show thingy involving everyone and I was thinking about doing a little video and letting some of you guys put a voice with the name. Whaddya think? Would that be cool? I have no idea what the hell I would video but yeah.
Mayo,
You wanna hear my Southern twang? ^_~
I swear it's not half as irritating as you think it is. Maybe. I dunno. Is it, Jules? O_O
Hi Ergo!
Maybe it is! Wahahaaha! :(
Nevermind, I'm not doing it.
*snogs 3:32*
:D
A sealed up, secret wish.
Princess, I think that is such a cool idea!
hi smoke missT anon K
smoke lovely idea
misst cool pizza hut
K interesting TODD
anon, a lovely quote
it reminds me of
"If I could save time in a bottle
The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day
Till Eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you
If I could make days last forever
If words could make wishes come true
I'd save every day like a treasure and then,
Again, I would spend them with you
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with
If I had a box just for wishes
And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory
Of how they were answered by you
But there never seems to be enough time
To do the things you want to do
Once you find them
I've looked around enough to know
That you're the one I want to go
Through time with"
Oh,and I loved the way you guys talked. So much so that I started to sound like y'all by the end of the night. O_O
Hiya Ergo.
Yeah smoke, that would be fantastic. You can all hear what a good old northern lass sounds like. You'll find although we are from not too far away, just the opposite sides if the penines, me and fimmy sound very different.
I'm a yorkshire lass. They don't make em better hahaha!
I'm could try and talk like Fimmy. She says I sound Australian when I try to sound like her.
Yeah, I don't know how I manage that either. That's what she said though. And I don't question Ms. Fimmy.
Yayness! That would be soooo cool to hear everybody! And just so you guys know, Solly can sound like anybody she wants to sound like. Anybody.. Can't she, Jules? Hee-hee.
Eeeekkk! Project!
Okay, I gotta work for one more hour. I'll see you guys in a bit!
see you smoke!
you sound Australian?
lol love to hear that
we, of course, are the ones with no accent, it's all you guys with the accents
See you later smoke.
Hey Ergo, I'd love to hear what you sound like. Anything like the guys on neighbours?
Im playing RuneScape LOL
No matter how far away you are... once you find your light... I'm sure it will lead you back
- Aerith
missT pretty much it would be
some of them get exaggerated a bit and but that's generally what we sound like.
Hi, everybody!
No one was here earlier! This place is really spooky when you're all by your lonesome! I kept hearing strange noises and what sounded like whispers, but never saw anyone!
Creep me out!
Cool Ergo,
I have learned most of my aussie phrases and words from good old naighbours.
Do you have a nice dunny Ergo? No redbacks lurking there I hope.
Hiya Mya sweetie *ooooooooooo earie whisperings* It was me hahahahaha
Just kidding.
She totally can, Princess. It's eerie!
Miss T!!!!!!!!!!
So good to see you!!!!
There's nothing I don't cherish!
hi guys!
i am also up for the talking thing. will be such a laugh! i am from the south west of england! very very different from fimmy, miss T and all the english gals tbh.
anyway it would be so very cool to hear everyones voices!!
hi Mya!!!!!
dunny hahahahhaaha
well I don't call it that but some do
they use a lot more slang in those shows than most normal people say
no redbacks either, though they are about (redbacks are basically black widows)
you know one thing about Oz is you can't tell where a person is from by their accent, we have very little state to state variation, certain words, though the further north you are the more likely you get "ey" after a sentence, and the further west the slower people talk
hi fasc!
Which is it? A memory or us?
- Aerith
I'm lost in time, you guys...
Seriously, I've thinking that THIS Thursday was Thanksgiving!
Sure am glad I didn't start cooking!
Speaking of cooking...
I gotta go upstairs and see what I can throw together for dinner.
See you later!
K i am not ignoring todays TODD but my answer won't be that great, or really be anything. just my thing at the moment. maybe when i feel more passionate about anything!
anyway i loved your answer, fucking good!
hi ergo!!
seeya mya, nice to see you around again!
bye Mya hope it turns out yummy!!!!
Hiya FASC sweetie, how are you?
See ya later Mya sweetie. Hope the cooking turns out good.
In answer to today's TODD, the resounding response ( and also probably the inscription on my tombstone ) would be:
Oh God, don't get me started.
I am universally known throughout my family as being not quite with it.
Good evening by the way.
Maybe there is less accent variation Ergo cos the country is so large. Once all the state talks the same, so many people are talking the same, the whole country might as well.
hey ergo and miss T and GS!!!!!!!!!!
i am kinda watching "I'm a celebrity get me outa here? are you guys? (that's addressed to my english pals)
hello GS!
I think it is missT,
Hiya (mad) Gs sweetie, how are you?
FASC, I'm also kinda watching celebrity. I love ant and dec.
Hi Ergo, FASC and Foggy. I'm fine thanks. Everyone else okay?
FASC - I don't watch it, sorry. The only reality show I watch is Strictly Come Dancing.
Ergo and Miss T - I pick up accents depending on who I am speaking to. I'm sure they think I am being patronising but I'm really not. It is totally unconscious.
Anyway, all you aussies are honurary brits to us.
FASC - I don't watch it, sorry. The only reality show I watch is Strictly Come Dancing.
i don't actualy watch that one GS, i keep an eye on it.
i watch X factor and always i'm a celebrity cos i agree with miss T...Ant and Dec are fantabulous!!
Or as House says, "You put the Queen on your money. You're British." Heehee!
hey FASC! Don't worry about it. :) Thanks for reading my long-winded nonsense in the first place. ;D
:D missT!
GS I love when people do that!
LOL GS, I do the same thing. You can't help copying can you?
I find the ones I can't help myself with the most are the scouse accent and the northern Ireland one.
i watch X factor and always i'm a celebrity cos i agree with miss T...Ant and Dec are fantabulous!!
Damn right.
Hey, did any of you brits watch the big brother/ zombie show dead set?
I thought it was fantastic.
Oh, I loves me some dancing ^_^
As much as I love Ant and Dec, I can't bring myself to watch it. I shall just watch the Anty/Deccy highlights on youtube.
Miss T and Ergo - R always knows when I'm on the phone to someone up North. She just gives a smirk now. I'm like " Get lost, I can't help it! "
Kapunua - I can't watch House because his accent grinds on me. He is and always will be Bertie Wooster/ Prince Regent to me.
Hey, did any of you brits watch the big brother/ zombie show dead set?
Nope, sorry. Not really my cup of tea.
GS I am the same!!!
I can't remove him from those characters, or his stuff with Stephen Fry
we have a comedian here who is now in a crime CSI type show, and I just can't take him seriously
we have a comedian here who is now in a crime CSI type show, and I just can't take him seriously
Weird isn't it. I suppose the situation you first saw them in is the one that sticks in your mind.
Hi! I'm back...
Dinner is a thrown together chicken pot pie sort of thing...
I've been freezing all day, so I just made a pot of coffee and I'm having mine with some Kahlua!
"Well, a fella's got to do something to keep warm" (ala the drunk Santa from Miracle of 34th)
TODD, maybe? said...
How will your descendants talk about you? In the best case scenario, what will they say about you 100+ years from now?
The best case scenario
they would say
"Who the fucx cared. Certainly not a handfull of self absorbed _itches"
True story.
Are you guys wondering why I've come back here to Mayo's? I am!
what is this TODD stuff?
hi
well I am off to work so wish me luck, prepared classes and cooperative teenagers!
oh I meant to say last week too, we had a farewell for a guy who started at the school in 1991, went up to deputy and has now switched jobs, and I got up on behalf of the Science staff and started with, "I was just beginning my third year of teaching when ..... came to the school as head of department..."
and a couple of days later this male teacher (who has been there since I went on leave) said to me, "hey, you must not show your age, I heard you say when you started teaching and thought- nooooo"
lol
made me happy all the rest of the week!
take care guys!!
♥
GS, I know, it was weird to get past it at first! Because to me he's always Prince Regent as well, too. Thick as a whale omlette!
Anon: self absorbed itches? I suggest a little lavender oil. ;)
hows it goin
People tend to live in the here and now... Sad, but true...
Hey, did any of you brits watch the big brother/ zombie show dead set?
no no i did not i'm afraid.
hey GS and was it ergo? see i do not like Hugh Laurie sounding all posh. it annoys me and is not sexy. but Hugh Laurie in House as American totally works. dunno why but i cannot be attracted to any english guy with a posh accent i just cannot relate in any way shape or form!!
thanks K!
right i have to go i am getting glared at so badly!! and the lenghty *sighs* - he should have been a fucking actor!!
i've not even been here that long!!
fucker!
love you all!
mayo and SS *hugs* to you both just cos it's habbit i'm sure you aint bothered!!
♥
TODD = topic of deep discussion, Mya
hi and bye anon(s)
"TODD" = "topic of deep discussion." ^_^
Good Luck, Ergo!
So, that's what TODD is...
Thanks!
Miss T and Ergo - R always knows when I'm on the phone to someone up North. She just gives a smirk now. I'm like " Get lost, I can't help it! "
LOL.
Hi again Mya sweetie.
I'd better start getting ready to head out for tonight, guys. Goddamn it's tough to go out on cold nights when you're house is all warm and cozy! Even if it is go go train and get beat up.
Catch you all later! ^_^
Todd is bullshit like everything else around here Mya.
fasc I just have him as funny, I can't take his posh accent seriously either.
(and please don't mention Hugh Grant...*cringe*)
ok really off now!
Hi, Miss T!
Have fun, Kapuanua!
See you later Ergo.
See you later K.
Have fun guys.
How's the cooking going Mya?
Come on after midnite. You might get something real then.
After midnite is when all the fake smiles are put to a stop and conversations worth reading happen
Hiya Mya. With regards to Mayo's I sometimes think it's a case of the better the Devil you know.
Anon - umm. Not sure how to respond to that.
Ergo - ^_^ Have fun.
FASC - Funny how different we all are. My most upsetting accent incident was when James Marters slipped up in Buffy and I realised he was really American. I was absolutely stunned.
Bye Kapunua.
Guess what? There is another Blog that I frequent (not on Blogger) and earlier today, someone posted MCR's How I Disappear! It was so sort of strange!
hello
im doing k
Yeah GS, I couldn't believe james Marsters wasn't really a brit. his accent is amazing.
Does he know how to wind you up?
Hi anon, how are you today?
It was the first time in a long time that I've listened to any MCR. I don't even know what that band is up these days. Anybody?
"up to"
hi! fine and dandy like sour candy
Mya, according to NME (article supplied by FASC), gerard is writing new lyrics for an album that might not be long in coming.
Anonymous said...
After midnite is when all the fake smiles are put to a stop and conversations worth reading happen
November 17, 2008 5:22 PM
This Kahlua is making me sleepy...
Anon - hello back.
Anon - doing K? Or doing O-kay?
Mya - things like that pop up all the time don't they ^_^
Miss T - spot on most of the time. It was the way he said lilac. It was like someone had hit me with a spade. I was in shock!
We agree 5:22. It's when blog believe and fantasy ends and truth starts.
Thanks for the info, Miss T! Hope the new album does well for them! Hope it is as good, or comes damn close, to the last one!
for some.
im doing k
O_O At least wait till I'm out the door before this starts.
I kid, I kid! I had to refresh the page one last time before leaving, as usual. ;)
Thanks guys, see ya's later!
But, I'm feeling toasty now...
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