Sunday, July 27, 2008

Pistachio and Anchovy

When I was young I was picked on quite a bit. The usual set of circumstances, I was an easy target (smart, quiet, odd, insecure) and once the kids found my buttons they didn’t relent. For a long time I tried to ignore them. I spent a lot of time reading because I thought that with a book in front of my face I would blend into the background. And, for a while I did. From behind those first books I developed my love of the written word. Beginning with the marvels I found in the library and then later the stories I found in my own head. My need to escape elementary school torment helped foster my imagination, I suppose. I need to thank those kids for that.

So anyway, a few times the kids pretended that they wanted to be my friend. A kid would ask if I wanted to hang out on the playground either at recess or after school. The first couple of times I bought it. It was a pathetic display of desperation that, looking back now, makes me laugh. You can see that kid, right?...very awkward, over-filled book bag, disheveled clothes, greasy hair, hopeful smile. I would wait for my friend to show up and of course they wouldn’t and I would eventually trudge home. Sometimes they would gather somewhere along my route and give me a hard time shouting “Who were you waiting for back there?” and “Did you really think we’d be friends with you.” It was worse when they would wait until the next day bringing my humiliation to school to share with the rest of the class.

Why am I telling you this? Well…insight I suppose and also to offer some context that you may draw from for those times when I seem a bit vague (yes, really). I have had to overcome and still battle with some pretty substantial trust issues. Always present in the back of my mind is the voice telling me to watch out for anyone who gets too close because they probably have an ulterior motive that will leave me in a rut. It has taken me a long time and years of therapy to be able to ignore that voice and share even my more simple weaknesses with friends (without the guise of fiction). And, so I share this piece of myself, my past with you.


p.s. I am not sure what you will glean from my palate but my gut holds plenty.






(Not at present: soon and I'll let you know when.)

4,973 comments:

1 – 200 of 4973   Newer›   Newest»
Smoke said...

Hey Mayo. Thank you for this.

Anonymous said...

You can see that kid, right?


Every goddamn day in the mirror, Mayo.

Yes, I get this. Thanks for sharing.

resurrected wreck said...

Kids at your school were pretty cruel.

Is this the norm?

sdock10 said...

Wow, Yeah, I know exactly.

Anonymous said...

Wow.

Thank you for sharing this, Mayo.

I'm not sure what to say, because I'm pretty sure you've said it all.

Smoke said...

Yeah, I think we've all been there at some point. Most of us here.

Anonymous said...

RW, if Mayo is in my age group (which I'm not sure, but he's married so I suspect he is?) there were no laws back then against harassment in school. Back then, it went worse than being teased. If it's the 80's or so that Mayo is talking about, that was a time for schools where physical violence was really common, at least it was where I went to school.

And not all the scars I got from bullying were emotional ones, myself.

Anonymous said...

Some of us still feel like we are there.

ergoproxy said...

Hiya Mayo :)

resurrected wreck said...

Pistachio and anchovy would make a very weird pizza.

Anonymous said...

You're right.

Some of us do.

Anonymous said...

Sorry, not "do" because that makes no sense.

But, you get me.

Some of us do still feel like we're there.

resurrected wreck said...

I don't remember ever being bullied at school. I was not one of the popular kids, but I seemed to fit in okay with all of the various groups. Maybe because I wasn't trying to.

Or maybe I just went to a really good school.

Anonymous said...

But Mayo, you know, we're not gonna invite you to play and then leave. When we invite you to play, it's because we'd really like you to play. You can come and sit at our lunch table and I will let you read from my stupid mangas that no one else likes. Then the sisters will share their jello with you and you can listen to Mustard's walkman and junk.

When you're here, you don't have to eat lunch alone.

And for sure, you don't have to make sure you have your library pass so that you can eat your lunch in peace.*















*Every day.

sdock10 said...

Yeah, I still feel like that.

ergoproxy said...

Mayo thanks for sharing, kids can be really mean, hoping you can trust again though I know it can be really hard.

sdock10 said...

Yeah, Mayo, we are that kid. We are you.

Anonymous said...

I'm pretty sure what I just said goes for everyone here, too. So like if some of us are absent, then some of the other weirdos will be around and you could have lunch with them.

resurrected wreck said...

Sometimes I distrust your motives for creating & maintaining this blog, Mayo, and sometimes I just really feel for you.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry you went through that kind of torment Mayo.
:-(

Anonymous said...

Mayo, err, anyone who wants to answer: what's the meanest thing those kids ever called you?

I can't repeat the meanest thing they called me. Plus it would bum out Mummy K, who had to see me come home from school miserable almost every day.

ergoproxy said...

RW I was never bullied either (though one girl sat beside me and told me why she hated me, still don't quite know why)
I was just really quiet,and very shy, pretty much ignored, though I could be funny, so that meant I was friendly with most people, but I rarely had/have very close friends.

resurrected wreck said...

*thinks she must have gone to a really really good school*

toujours said...

i had just caught up with the comments when you posted, and it's funny because i thought you would today. i don't know why, and i chided myself when the page loaded and there was your poem.

thank you. i think i might have seen you in the stacks. i was the girl sitting on the floor behind a little castle of books. :)


and hello everyone.

Smoke said...

Yes, Mayo.

To everything Kapunua just said.

I hope you believe that, too.

resurrected wreck said...

I was just really quiet,and very shy, pretty much ignored, though I could be funny, so that meant I was friendly with most people, but I rarely had/have very close friends.

I was pretty much the same, EP, though I did have two or three really close friends a couple of grades below me.

Anonymous said...

And when you were hiding in books, what books did you read? What was your escape?

Mine was the Arthurian legends. See, there, in that realm, no one could touch me. I was Morgana, or Elaine, (I was never Guinivere 'cause I thought she was a dumb ho,) or Igraine, or I was descended from them and I was powerful and no one could touch me. I wasn't an Indian bitch. I was Celtic and fair and powerful, and the Knights were my social circle.

What was everyone else's escape?

resurrected wreck said...

Hullo, TJ :)

How's things?

Anonymous said...

I was never really called anything.

I was always the one the one who didn't have a seat on the school bus, no one wanted me to sit by them.

Last picked for the team kind of thing.

And it's pretty much a closed book, and it isn't self-wallowing. It just is what it is.

ergoproxy said...

Your schools must have been really different to mine, maybe it's the country

resurrected wreck said...

Did you go to school in a small town, EP?

Amyranth said...

Yeah. Same here. Except I got it in junior high instead of elementary school. A little more brutal, because right when you're really looking for acceptance from them, people are willing to "befriend" you and then use what you've told them in a moment of weakness.

Usually not very nicely either.

-A

sdock10 said...

Mustard,

Yeah, exactly.

resurrected wreck said...

Hi, A :)

Anonymous said...

Yes, Mayo.

To everything Kapunua just said.

I hope you believe that, too.


Definitely.

I'll even go buy some of those ear buds that can service a lot of people.

You'll just have to contend with listening to some songs more than once or more than ten times. :)

Anonymous said...

Mayo, will you come sit at our table?

Smoke said...

I'd doodle.

And sleep.

I slept pretty much my entire senior year.

I had a handful of friends but that was it. I just didn't have alot in common with anyone there. I wasn't a cheerleader. I was pretty smart but school never interested me at all. It was boring. I pretty much kept to myself.

I never went to school with the kids I'd went to high school with but they all knew each other. So it was like being from outer space or something.

toujours said...

hi resurrected wreck. :)

kapunua, myths and fables for me too, and fantasies. places like anne mccaffrey's pern, and andrew lang's fairy books, and nancy drew, and..

ok, so this list might go on forever.

ergoproxy said...

Hi TJ

I actually recall my school time as being mostly enjoyable. Though I was never in any sport,wasn't a top scoring student though I was always close, and tended to read a lot.
I suppose the one thing was lack of any interest from boys, but that was mostly as I was shit scared so I doubt I ever came across as interested, but I have always had heaps of really good male friends
(one I just rediscovered after close to 30 years on Myspace!)

sdock10 said...

Yeah, it was like Smoke said. Like being some freaking alien.

Amyranth said...

What was everyone else's escape?

Art, Anime. Sailor Moon.

-A

Anonymous said...

Music

Anonymous said...

Ahhh, TJ, I am not surprised we shared that propensity for myths and legends. :)

Me, though, I guess I never made the attempt to fit in. I learned the lesson early, in grade school after having the same "come play with us, hahaha you loser!" game played a few times.

By the time I was in Jr. high, I was finished trying, and the Cool Kids could bite me for all I cared. (Though, they did a bit more than biting. O_o )

By then I realized that they were twats and I didn't need to associate with them anyway.

That didn't really make it any less lonely or hurtful (and surely not while they were beating me up behind the theater doors, LOL!) but I still felt like they were a waste of space and of my time. If they wanted to call people names and be cruel and stupid and useless, well then, I didn't need them.

I still feel that way.

Amyranth said...

Hallo Lovelies!

-A

ergoproxy said...

RW no middle of the capital city school for both primary and High school
though it was in the 70's and early 80's so times were different too

I loved any books, I read anything (even used to get in strife for reading cereal packets at the table)
I read all of CS Lewis and any fantasy The Secret Garden,,just heaps of books.
I had a reading age of an 18 year old at 12 and I read really fast and still do

toujours said...

hello ergo. :)

i wasn't bullied, but i was always the third wheel. it was easier to do things alone than to be rejected again. i think i might still do this to some extent, unfortunately. my first thought when i don't hear from people is that once again i wasn't good enough, and i accept this as normal, and start to withdraw.

ergoproxy said...

Hi Amy

I I also read the Famous 5 and the Secret 7

smashingly good times, with spiffing adventures and japes and lashings of soda pop

elena said...

Okay I can really relate to this Mayo. My problem is I never really learned from the experiences. I trust people unconditionally. No matter how many times I've been hurt or made fun of in the past I still refuse to believe that people aren't sincere. And yeah I still get hurt but for me I just have to trust, I have to believe. I can't be any other way.

Anonymous said...

Well, hmm.

I guess that is part of why, when I like someone and I spend time talking with them, it bothers me when they either brush me off or fully turn on me and act like a dick to me.

Once that happens, I am done with them, because this is something I learned a long time ago: People will let you down, and it's better to not let that keep happening.

resurrected wreck said...

I loved The Famous Five!!

Anonymous said...

LOL, Elena, I said the opposite thing at the same time. ;)

resurrected wreck said...

Hi, Elena :)

Anonymous said...

So, we saved you a seat, Mayo.

...


....



Yare yare. Zuruzuru, zuruzuru.

toujours said...

hi elena, and amyranth. :)

Anonymous said...

Maa, naruhodo, sou iu koto datta no ka.

Fimble Star said...

hi guys, just going to catch up, just wanted to say hello

Amyranth said...

Hallo Ergo and RW!

-A

elena said...

Hey again RW

K -I think you and I are pretty opposite in that respect. The way I am pretty much speaks to the fact I'm kinda silly and dense.

Amyranth said...

Hallo Teej!

-A

toujours said...

oh hey, kapunua. i got a tick on me this early evening and i'm blaming you!

i was out taking pictures of my folks' woods. *points finger*

:)

Anonymous said...

"
By then I realized that they were twats and I didn't need to associate with them anyway.

That didn't really make it any less lonely or hurtful (and surely not while they were beating me up behind the theater doors, LOL!) but I still felt like they were a waste of space and of my time. If they wanted to call people names and be cruel and stupid and useless, well then, I didn't need them."


If only Gerard could be that way about MSI Kapu.

toujours said...

hi fimble. :)

amyranth, whenever you say my name it's like you have a big cheesy grin. i like it. :D

Anonymous said...

I don't think it's silly and dense, Elena. I think it might be nice to trust that people won't ditch you.

But, ahh, it's far past that for me. ^_^

TJ, I saw your comment in my LJ, and thank you for looking at my pics, and also I cannot wait to see your pictures!

Err, and you can't blame the tick on me, you know i would punch a tick right in the vagina.

Anonymous said...

Hiiii, Fimble!

Perhaps so, 9:15.

ergoproxy said...

HI fim
HI Elena

guess what!!!!!
I got the mask and the book today!!!

THANK YOU!!!!

*big huge thankyou hug and kiss*



I tend to do similar TJ , I will only make an effort with people who make an effort back now, learnt that if it's too one sided it's not worth it (though I do get that "Why not me?" feeling)

and I also was in our churches sunday school and then youth group as a teen so that is really where most of my friends were, and we had a ball.
Uni was great but my group of friends were all sort of quiet and not go out get drunk and party on dude types.
We used to have card nights 'till all hours and watch horror movies and such

resurrected wreck said...

*tackles Fimmy*

How are you today, missus? :)

elena said...

Glad to hear that the items got there okay, Ergo.

You're not gonna believe what I found for you. It's funny!

ergoproxy said...

you still there Mayo?
Hope you're well and did you see my truck!!??

Anonymous said...

69!

Anonymous said...

Just wanted to do that.

Alrighty! Looks like lunchtime is over. Back to class now!

Lucky for me, it's English.

Later all. :)

toujours said...

Err, and you can't blame the tick on me, you know i would punch a tick right in the vagina.

well, that's what i kinda did, actually. accidentally. while flailing.

then i came inside and strip searched myself. damn thing was on the inside of my jeans.

those are now in the wash. the tick was flushed with extreme prejudice.

fun times. lol



I tend to do similar TJ , I will only make an effort with people who make an effort back now, learnt that if it's too one sided it's not worth it

i always take too long to figure out when it's too one-sided. usually i just jump in. :/

resurrected wreck said...

That wasn't a truk, EP, that was a massive lunar terrain vehicle!

ergoproxy said...

oh elena! what on earth is it now? lol

oh and Mayo you'd probably be the type of boy I would have ended up friends with, I'd have seen you as non-scary and interesting

resurrected wreck said...

then i came inside and strip searched myself. damn thing was on the inside of my jeans.

O_o

resurrected wreck said...

I got a big flying red ant in my underwear once. Bit me right on the bum!

Anonymous said...

LOL, TJ. LOL and O_O.

toujours said...

seriously people. i may have been raised on a farm, and worship nature, but i'm not a country girl no more.

resurrected wreck said...

Got to head to bed now.

Sorry I missed you, Fimmy :(

Have a good night, all :)

Fimble Star said...

Hello to the people said hello, i am so nackered tonight and my eyes hurt from catching up, boy, you people can chat hahaha.

anyway, going back to this morning about the talk about flipping houses.

I do not think that people who flips houses are dicks, I flip houses and it is one of our businesses. it is not down to undermine the original owners and it is not this evil plan/plot to take or stop people from buying houses. everyone is different in their means and ways for doing it but not everyone out there are clever dicks who wants to steal a profit.

That is just my opinion and my experience. everyone has their own opinions but it depends which side you have viewed it from.

right i am goign to read the post. see you in a minute.

Fimble Star said...

goodnight rw, sorry i missed you, sweet dreams and dickie sends his love.

ergoproxy said...

goodnight RW sweet dreams


I hate ticks, we get them every now and then, don't mind leeches though

there is an ibis in my yard, we hardly ever get them up here, they are more coastal

resurrected wreck said...

*strokes Fimmy's nose*

*gives Dickie a squeeze*

elena said...

We've got ticks O'Plenty. Nasty little things. The woods around here are full of them.

Fimble Star said...

*feels a tickle on her nose*

ha, i felt that missy, sweet dreams and glad i didnt miss you.

Amyranth said...

*big cheesy grin for Teej*

Believe it or not, I mostly do!

Except for when you were waiting for your test results.

But you're better now!

*BIG cheddar cheesy grin*

-A

resurrected wreck said...

Fimmy: :)

G'night!

Jennicula said...

Mayo, just a quick hello and good night.

From my own place not too far away I wrote, "I put faith and trust in few. I've been hurt too many times to be cavalier in showing the real me. "

I hear you.

ergoproxy said...

hello Jen

sdock10 said...

BlogBelieve,

G'nite, sweet dreams.

I'll catch you guys tomorrow.

Fimble Star said...

Jen, I ♥ you
And you know it :)
speak to you soon
xx

Smoke said...

Mayo,

I'm kind of at a loss for words now. I'm so used to you not really showing any part of yourself that I kind of forget that there's a living, breathing person on the other side there. Ya know? And then when you do, it just proves once again that we aren't very different at all.

Thank you for sharing this, Mayo. And again, yes to everything Kapunua said to you. We do want you to join in when you feel like it and we won't leave you.

Have a good night, dude.

Anonymous said...

Later, folks.

Have a nice night. :)

Fimble Star said...

goodnight solly, sweet dreams.

toujours said...

cheddar cheesy grin! lol

yum. :)

oh. that reminds me. i was hungry.

back soon.

Fimble Star said...

goodnight smok and slash, sweet dreams.

Smoke said...

Goodnight SS!

Just like Solly said to you this morning, your words are missed. You are missed. Hope you are doing okay and hope you had a fantabulous weekend!

ergoproxy said...

goodnight sdock and smoke sweet dreams

Anonymous said...

Trollop
I saw you, I smelt you, and I whank you. now, get bizzy doing your thing, sweet thang.

Anonymous said...

Mayo,

First of all, I just want to say thank you for sharing your story with all of us, and in a No-Metaphors-Here kind of way. I can't do that. I weave. Lyrics, quotes, excerpts, you name it. My story is always told with someone else's, and for the most part, I'm okay with that.

And I take all of what you described, and I can apply it to not only then, but also now. I'm not so sure that now isn't a million times harder. That kind of stuff is supposed to stop. It's not supposed to haunt you or terrorize you, but it does. You carry the burden.

It's with you in every movie you watch, every book you read, every song you hear, every moment you're in mixed company, right before you go to sleep, right when you wake up. All of the time.

You try to kill it, but it doesn't die.

It influences your thoughts, it influences your actions, what you wear, how you speak, what you say, whether you want to talk to your shoes today or not.

And I've finally come to the decision that I (maybe you or them) have two choices:

1. I can let it eat me up.
2. I can fight it.

I'm trying to do the latter, but forewarning, it takes a really long fucking time.

I'm really sorry those things happened to you. I'm sorry they happened to everyone. And I would tell you that it will all work out and things will be okay, but I'd be lying. They might not be okay, or it might be a while, I don't know. It's a hard thing to deal with. And it's a learning process, this whole fucking game of life.

It fucks us over, then we get even.

We somehow end up proving the world and ourselves wrong.

Goodnight, Mayo.

P.S. A lot

Amyranth said...

#100!!

Sorry.

-A

Anonymous said...

♥♥

Anonymous said...

Mayo,

CHUUUUB.

^_~

Fimble Star said...

MAYO

No matter who you are, where you are and what you are, you are never alone in your feelings and your thoughts. Visualize this; you are sat on a crowded train during rush hour. There are so many people in that carriage, you are sat down and there is one really smelly guy on the right of you that has the BO twang and it is really starting to whiff and take over your breathing air , so much that you feel that you need to vomit but you stop yourself.

Sitting on your left side is a woman who is this high flying, big wig business woman looking on her blackberry and talking via a Bluetooth (you know, one of those ear plugs where the people talk ridiculously loud and unbelievably annoying) to people about how she likes her morning coffee to be sat there waiting for her when she starts work and it has to be at a certain temperature.

What I am trying to say and failing, is that no matter where you are, what place in life you are at and what your surroundings are, there will always be one person that has been and felt the same feelings as you. Maybe it wont be the same words that were said, the same people that carried out the act or the same imagery that they can visualize in their memory, but they will know how it feels to be alone, or sad, or unwanted, or exactly what you wrote in your post.

Conclusion (if you found one in there)
You are never alone in this world.

sdock10 said...

Mayo,

Wow, I know I've said that already, but, dude, seriously. Your post has taken me back to a time that have tried to forget. Spent the last 16 years trying to overcome.

What can I really say, except thank you for sharing with us. To write about something so painful and personal takes guts. Writing about all that would make it too real for me. Reading this post made it real again.

I remember the times that I would puke before school because I was so nervous about the day. Spending lunch in the library because it was easier than eating alone. Wondering if today was going to be the day that someone would finally talk to me. And then when they did, it was, "Can I copy your homework?" Being pointed at and laughed at. Hearing the whispers when people thought I couldn't. Never wondering if the cute guy was gonna ask you out, because you already knew that was never gonna happen. Just praying for the day to be over. For my school career to be over.

And look at me now? I'm still the same kid. Not much has changed. I still want to puke when I wake up. I still wonder if people are going to talk to me and sometimes I pray that they don't. I don't want to have to look them in the eye. The cute guy is still out of reach. I still get laughed at and I still hear the whispers. And I still wish the day away.

But through all that, I have learned that I never want another person to have to feel that way. I will do whatever it takes to reach out and make sure that nobody ever feels as lonely as I did (do).

I guess that's why I love it here. I almost feel like I fit in amongst this bunch of misfits.

Wanna know why? Because we're each other.

You know it, and I know it.

Here we have found our lunch table, our bus seat, our kickball team, our chess club....friends.

Thank you again. Thank you for sharing, thank you for opening up, thank you for trusting, and thank you for this.

Love to YOU Always,
S

p.s. Voted Most Likely to....Nothing. Boy, I lived up to that.

ergoproxy said...

fimble you said a really lovely and true thing

Anonymous said...

Maybe it wont be the same words that were said, the same people that carried out the act or the same imagery that they can visualize in their memory, but they will know how it feels to be alone, or sad, or unwanted, or exactly what you wrote in your post.


But through all that, I have learned that I never want another person to have to feel that way. I will do whatever it takes to reach out and make sure that nobody ever feels as lonely as I did (do).


Just thought they should be said again.

Goodnight.

Fimble Star said...

cheers ergo, i was trying for the funny factor but i tend to lose my way with a comment, as you can tell lol. oh and i got your email and just watched the video. that is freaking weird, i mean, wtf. popcorn can pop with phones, was it true?

solly, nighty night, sweet dreams :)

Amyranth said...

Mmm.. I want popcorn.

-A

Fimble Star said...

did you see it amy, i saw your name on the list. wasnt it freaking madness, i have never seen that happen before.

Anonymous said...

Mustard, have you seen August Rush? I know how intensely you feel music, and I think that you would enjoy it.

toujours said...

i'm back. i didn't have popcorn. sorry. :(

ergoproxy said...

I know it's creepy isn't it!

I want to try it to see if it's real

Anonymous said...

If you are talking about the viral video of cellphones popping popcorn, it is not true. Check out Snopes.com.

Amyranth said...

Fimn, it wouldn't load for me! My computer is insanely fucked though.

And I still want popcorn!

ergoproxy said...

damn I meant to buy popcorn kernels this morning too!

oh well next trip

I'm making chocolate fudge and feel like I'm dealing with lava

Fimble Star said...

what is snopes.com, anon?

ergoproxy said...

oh good I'm glad it's not true, but it looks cool

Anonymous said...

It is an internet site that tells you if there is any kernel of truth in the many urban legends floating around. It's an invaluable resource.

Fimble Star said...

does anyone remember a video goign around on a phone where the guy is doing a flip and then decks it on his face. i think he made an appearance on the new weezer video. i wonder if that one is true, cheers anon, i will check it out.

ergoproxy said...

hey wow anon that snopes site is fascinating! thanks :)

Anonymous said...

You are most welcome.

Anonymous said...

Snopes.com is one of my favorite websites. I've been known to spend hours there. ^_^

Just popping out of Majat for a second to say that, now popping back in. ^_^

Original Punk J said...

Mayo,

This whole post, I could've written it as well. Smart, quiet, odd, insecure: all those things, and more. Add sickly, small, shy, afraid to talk, sad, wary, I could go on and on. My, um, ordeal maybe?, started in what I'll call dayschool, that weird time before kindergarten. Then, it was because I was afraid of dogs, having had a fairly scary experience with a large dog at an early age.

And the picking continued, through elementary school, junior high, and high school. Never fit in, never was popular, never got opportunities, wah wah wah. At some point I convinced myself it didn't matter, and went blithly on my (un)happy way.

Unfortunately, the picking still haunts me as an adult. I've been fired twice because in both instances I knew my bosses' jobs better than they did themselves. Can't have THAT, now, can we? So out I went.

"I have had to overcome and still battle with some pretty substantial trust issues. Always present in the back of my mind is the voice telling me to watch out for anyone who gets too close because they probably have an ulterior motive that will leave me in a rut." Again, I could've written this, word for word.

But, you know, Mayo, one thing I've learned since school is: eventually you have to trust SOMEone. There are lots of people around you who are worthy of your trust. Conversely, there are lots of people around you who are not. The hardest part sometimes is figuring out who is who. Don't try to convince those who don't like you, or don't have your best interests at heart, that they need to like you. That's not necessary. With the amount of people about who DO, the others are unimportant and even detrimental to your emotional health.

Too many people love you and want the best for you; those are the folks you must trust and let close to you. Those who have nothing but hatred and contempt for you are NOT WORTH your time, your energy, your trust.

Take it from someone who's still there, Mayo. Bullies come in many forms, many guises. Sometimes they're obvious, but sometimes they're sneaky, too. Please, don't trust blindly. It's easy to do, when you WANT everyone to like you. But if you take the time to learn someone, you may save yourself a lot of heartache.

Thanks for letting me babble at you. Take care of yourself, ok? Love to you.

Anonymous said...

Majat? I'm sorry to display my ignorance.

ergoproxy said...

hello J

Fimble Star said...

hello jules, yeh i am with the anon, what is Majat?
Come out come out ;)

Anonymous said...

wow that site sucks.

Anonymous said...

Which one? If it's Snopes, sorry you feel that way.

Anonymous said...

It's not your ignorance, it's my flakiness. Sorry, I was just talking about going back to looking at my dumb novel. ^_^ Majat is a fictional place. :)

Original Punk J said...

Hey Ergo, how're you today?

toujours said...

maybe majat is the name of the worldor land in her manuscript?

toujours said...

waha! i guessed right, even if late. :)

Anonymous said...

Yes >:(
Its gay.

toujours said...

hi j. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh, thank you, K, that makes me feel less like I missed something. Looking forward to reading your novel, it is in the sci fi genre, yes?

Original Punk J said...

There was a story on the local news tonight about a man who went into a church today, not too far from where we live, and opened fire on the congregation. Luckily he only used a shotgun, something that took time to reload, but unluckily he wounded about 9 people and killed 2, I think it was.

The children's choir was performing at the time.

THANK YOU DUBYA FOR ALLOWING GUNS IN CHURCH. You gun-loving, cowboy-wanna-be, ignorant freak.

Sorry, but he's a fool.

Original Punk J said...

Hi TJ, have you talked to Elena today?

Anonymous said...

And other anon, I'm sorry you think Snopes is gay and you wanted to spend the rest of your days thinking Bubblicious had spider eggs in it and that cellphones would pop popcorn. I do realize that sometimes it's a not fun site.

ergoproxy said...

I'm good cooking stuff to enter in our show next weekend
I've done Rocky road Choc fudge and am cleaning the pot and having lunch then it's caramel fudge and rum balls

tomorrow I'll do marshmallows coconut ice and maybe toffees
and I'm baking a loaf of bread friday

Original Punk J said...

Ergo, you're making me hungry. :) Yum, fudge. My mom makes it every Christtmastime, but only then, so it makes it special. Peanut butter fudge is my personal favorite. OM NOM NOM, in tribute to Amy. ;)

ergoproxy said...

anon I was looking at the photos even though some are fakes they are still cool to look at


sorry though for not-site-loving anon

Anonymous said...

10:01, I thank you. :)

Good guess, TJ! But it's a place name. ^_^ It's so silly how it came about. Originally the story was supposed to be a comic. My good friend was an artist, mindblowingly awesome. Her name is Min. (Oh TJ, I'll bet you've seen some of her art!) Well, we had this idea that we would work together, and I would write the story and she would do the art, and we would shop it to--guess where?--Dark Horse.

We were yammering about it one night and we were like, "What should we call our story? Where does it take place?" ANd I jokingly suggested we call it, "Min And Jules Amuse Themselves."

Which we jokingly shortened to "MAJAT."

Well, Min got married and / or decided she didn't want to do art professionally, or didn't want to do this particular story perhaps. After a few years I still liked the idea, and it grew and grew, and eventually I just novelized it.

And, well, Majat stuck. ^_^

Anonymous said...

Ergo, I haven't been here long, but I know it's of tantamount importance that I now say, you said balls.

Anonymous said...

Well ignorance IS bliss, anon.

that and they don't show the pictures that are supposedly fake or real or whatever. what we're supposed to just IMAGINE it or something or KNOW what pic they are talking about? sheesh stupid site.

Thanks for opening THAT door, anon>:(

toujours said...

i haven't talked to elena at all, j.

kapunua, you can't just say i've seen her art and then not send me a link, you know! D:

that's cool that you remember how the ame came about. i have a place i've written about since high school (pa'anga) and i don't have the slightest memory of where that name came from. :/

toujours said...

typo. grr.

meant "name".

Anonymous said...

Oh, TJ, Min? Min Rho? She was the HUGEST Zelda fanartist for years. Lemme see if I can find her site again. I haven't talked to her in a year or so, but her work is so, so gorgeous. I mean like, better than Silvestris.

Oh, after Min, the other person who was illustrating for a while was Hwei-Lin. Do you know her and her work? Hwei-Lin still does tons of original art.

Lemme find some linky dinks.

Original Punk J said...

Anonymous said...
Ergo, I haven't been here long, but I know it's of tantamount importance that I now say, you said balls.

July 27, 2008 11:08 PM


You learn quickly, Young One. :)

Anonymous said...

The ridiculously awesome Min.

God I wish we were still working together.

ergoproxy said...

11:08 :)



and other anon you can see the pictures, I was just looking at them
in the photo section

Anonymous said...

And Hwei-Lin.

elena said...

Hello J

How are you feeling today?

Anonymous said...

And my awesome friend who actually is a professional artist, and who makes other professional artist look like scribblers, Mel / ChocoZell.*









*Of "drew Kapunua with Sephiroth" fame. O_o

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for opening the parameters of my universe.

Anonymous said...

Mel was at Comic Con too, actually. ^_^ She is an awesome, funny, insanely talented gal.

Anonymous said...

Seriously crazy intense drawing skills.

ergoproxy said...

they are very talented K

Anonymous said...

This is one of the first non-porn pieces I ever saw of hers: Materia Opposites. It's Sephiroth and Vincent (and they are not banging or anything even close to it.)

The color, the details, everything. And this was going back about seven years. Her skill since then has quadrupled, easily.

Anonymous said...

I know, right, Ergo and 11:26? Still jaw-dropping to this day.

Original Punk J said...

Hello Elena, feeling some better physically, although it's questionable emotionally at this precise moment. :) How's THAT for psycho-babble?

Are you doing better today, or is that beyond answering? ;)

(Apparently I'm suffering some sarcastic attacks, too.)

Anonymous said...

She drew you, K? Where?

Anonymous said...

uuh, porn ones please.

Anonymous said...

Only kidding.

Anonymous said...

Sadly I think she took down her porn pics, but they were very detailed and rarely actually vulgar. Well, okay, some of them were. She was a fetish artist for the most part.

The thing about when she drew me was, she was like, "You're cute, can I draw you? I'll put you with Sephiroth!" and I had just met her and I was like, "Okay!" I didn't actually know that she was a fetish artist back then, so I was a little surprised, but really flattered because she made me pretty and totally stacked.

I can't really post her work without asking, but I did save that drawing, you bet. ;)

Anonymous said...

you hammer, me nail.

Anonymous said...

That is quite intriguing, Kapunua, to say the least.

toujours said...

ok, so i got stuck on the first link kapunua. why did you link me to a page with such a ridiculously beautiful wonder woman image????

:)

Amyranth said...

Wow, Milhouse is going to need some serious therapy.

And the Simpsons is getting less and less funny every year, in my humble opinion.

-A

Anonymous said...

I think that South Park did too, Amyranth, they lost me at NAMBLA. I didn't find it funny at all.

Original Punk J said...

Hey Amy, is it any wonder? The show's been on for a lifetime now. May be hard to come up with zingers week after week. After you've done so for about 10,000 years.

Anonymous said...

11:36, "intriguing" is one way to look at it. She actually sent me a bunch of preliminary sketches that she had done first, too. I have no idea where they are anymore. But somewhere out there are drawings of me with stuff like, masks and buckles and leather and Sephiroth on a chain. O_o It doesn't really look like me though, because she made those drawings really, really pretty.

TJ, Min is totally into Superwoman these days, but her thing used to be the Zelda fandom. I will google her some more and see if I can't find her old Zelda art, because it was the best LOZ out there.

Anonymous said...

Link, by Min. Damnit, that's one. She had around thirty at one point. >_<

Anonymous said...

I don't want to sound dirty, but that is even more intriguing. Buckles? Chains? I just think that would be some interesting imagery.

toujours said...

her style is fabulous, kapunua. deviantart takes a while to load on this computer it seems, as well, so i'll look at the others slowly.

thanks for the links though! :D

pretty drawings...
happy tj. *hee*

ergoproxy said...

amy I agree sometimes a show has to bite the bullet and say , that's enough

Fawlty Towers is so funny as they only did the one series, packed in laughs and stopped before it got old

Anonymous said...

11:42, her imagination was unfettered and her big things were yaoi and bondage. (Mel, this is, not Min.) Entire fandoms fell before her. ^_~

TJ, oh man, I hope you get to see all those galleries sometime. Deviantart is a bitch for me sometime, too.

Anonymous said...

Jason Bourne does not look anything like Matt Damon in the game:(

toujours said...

yah, but as soon as i said that, kapunua, you posted a link link.

i'm so easy. *heh*

elena said...

J -

I hear you. I'm doing okay.

Anonymous said...

okay, boy love. You made me use my Google, but at least I'm learning things.

Anonymous said...

Intriguing.Indeed.

toujours said...

elena! hi!

oh, i haven't been back-reading. you showed up a bit ago. sorry. :(

Amyranth said...

Anon, South Park has it's moments. I think it's become more issue driven of a show than anything else.

J, I agree. They've been doing it for a loooooong time now.

Ergo. Fawlty is good still because they knew when to cut it off. I still love watching it.

-A

Anonymous said...

Yes, oh man, Mel was the queen of the FF7 fandom.

It was so much fun back then, in those days of fandom. ^_^

elena said...

Yeah, I've been here.

Amyranth said...

Hey Elena, how's it going?

-A

Original Punk J said...

Elena, I hear you too. ♥ How's the erstwhile Sickly Pants? Off to his dungeon to do battle with the Unsavory Element?

My favorite "FT" episode is the one where the hotel inspector shows up, and there's a mouse loose in the kitchen. You know when Basil offers the man a choice of (I think) chocolates and the mouse pops up from inside? Hilarious.

elena said...

Hi Amy

How are you? I'm fine.

J

Just got him off to work. He's still not quite okay but better.

Amyranth said...

I love the one with his and Sybil's Anniversary. I just all over love John Cleese, actually.

-A

ergoproxy said...

hi again elena

(sorry I just made the caramel fudge so I was racing back and forth)


these are 2 of my Dad's paintings, the only ones I actually have moderately decent pics of, I must take some more next I'm down, these were part of an exhibition in about '95/96

Expulsion from paradise
Al Fresco

Amyranth said...

Elena, I'm doing well. I can't wait for my last paycheck from work.

Also, is it appropriate to wear black to a wedding?

-A

Amyranth said...

Holy shit Ergo! Your dad is GOOD!

-A

ergoproxy said...

I love the Germans and the drunk chef who falls for Manuel

Anonymous said...

Wow. And I mean that in a good way.

Original Punk J said...

Ergo, your dad IS good! Is this only a hobby for him, or is it his living?

Elena, tell him I hope he gets better before too much longer. B/c you need another ride on his Harley. :D

*psst* Remember this?

"STOOPID!!"

heeheehee

Anonymous said...

One more thing and then I'll quit bringing it up.

Did you ever see Vampire Hunter D?

Do you remember how D had that sentient face on his hand?

Yeah, Mel went there.

O_o

ergoproxy said...

Thanks amy he's a moderately well known artist here and has paintings in collections overseas.
I really love so many of his paintings,but then they get sold.
He has one I want at the moment but he won't give it to me :(
I covet it every time I visit,it's a man in a wooded glade carving snail shells and giving them to pixies to fit onto the snails
(I collect snail ornaments/books/ and will be my next tattoo)

Anonymous said...

Ergo, dang. Awesome.

Anonymous said...

HA HA HA!

Anonymous said...

WTF?

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