Thursday, May 29, 2008

You couldn't shut me up if you tried.

As any good poem will do, I was moved to another place. Taken back to a day long ago when I was twelve, no maybe eleven, and had spent a good portion of the afternoon alone foraging around in the yard. Aside from some awkward social issues, I was content (even the social issues contented me because it gave me the excuse to be alone). So that particular day, standing in my yard, breathing in the warm fresh air of spring, I recall being rained upon by helicopters. I collected them all in a box, or perhaps it was a bucket, and climbed my favorite tree as high as I could and re-released them to the ground. It was my intention to allow them a second flight, to once again be aloft.

It is amazing how similar we are, humans. Inhale (I’m), exhale (here). At the very core we exist, our attempts to make our lives enjoyable or in some instances passable should be worthy. Take it in, the amazing, the simple, the meaningful and give it away, just the same.

As I have said (and as some have speculated) I am privileged to have a few places to spout off (last count...Three, “oh lucky me.”). Of course, some of my words were never intended to be read by anyone other than the one I wrote them for and in some cases no one at all. These places have never intersected, until now. I have been reminded to rip myself open. So, I have gathered up these words for a second flight.


Her fingers weave through my hair
And her breath is a reminder (that I breathe)
In and out, slow and almost silent

I'm

h e r e


I'm

h e r e


I'm

h e r e



Her evening promise
brings me rest.
When I wake, whenever that may be
I can tell her anything
and she believes
And I understand
the weight of trust.
She begs me for more,
more anything, more everything
and I oblige, within reason
I can give endlessly
and she will return the favor.
She is at once present
and future entwined
For years in the making
and each moment a step
closer to letting go.



p.s. but once I am dead, Dis.



The written word, in any form, is a powerful gift. But, it can also destroy.

7,161 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Oh, well there you are. Sorry, I was beating you just then so I missed you there.

Mayonaise said...

Yo, I'm back there...but now I am here.

Amyranth said...

I wonder if he was gonna write a post based on the topic at 11:45?

That would be WEIRD.

-A

Anonymous said...

should have trolled for first comment, at least, way more dramatic.

Original Punk J said...

Hey there, Mayo, L says "Happy Nine Month Anniversary" and congratulations on about 40 or 50 kids!

J

Anonymous said...

You so should have gotten first, Mayo.

elena said...

Mayo you are everywhere.

Good to see you.

Smoke said...

Yo, Mayo, what's up? O_o

Anonymous said...

Hey Mayo.

Hi everyone else. Congrats Amy. You're first ^_^

Amyranth said...

Hiya!

What's up Mayo-Mano?

-A

toujours said...

'lo, mayo. :)

ergoproxy said...

hello mayo how are you?

anima said...

totally has to bitchslap you too.

How silly are we? Totally waiting!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello mayo and bc

mya said...

We're all ears, Mayo.


Well, some of us...

sdock10 said...

Yeah, at first you were there and now you are here.

So where are you?

Anon616 said...

Hello Mayo! How are you?
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!

Anonymous said...

Except me J. I don't have kids ^_~

and how are you? *big squeezy hugs*

Amyranth said...

*noms on her ice cream*

I'm glad I have a snack! So, what's going on anyway?

-A

ergoproxy said...

so whatcha been doing?

ergoproxy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Mayo,

I feel like you're Donald Trump and we're about to get fired. ;)

elena said...

So Mayo

What's new?

Anonymous said...

Hey MJ, long time no see. How are you?

Anonymous said...

You said yo, and that amuses me to a greater extent than it should. I would say keep on keeping on, but dayum, it would just be nice to find out, YO?

Mayonaise said...

So yeah, I am pretty good. A bit of a pissy mood earlier. But, I am over it.

How are all of you?

Amyranth said...

Mya, I'm not even remotely ear shaped.

-A

Anonymous said...

Clinton as VP, y/n?

I'm for it. I would have voted for her if she'd gotten it. I mean hell, I would have voted for frigging Kermit The Frog if he'd gotten it an was running against McCain, but you all know Obama is my dude.

I am going to be sweating until November. Then it will remain to be seen whether or not I will chew my veins out of my own wrists or not.

Smoke said...

Did you sling a hairbrush? Cuz if you didn't, you should have.

Relieves stress.

Anon616 said...

J: I hope Mayo has a good job. He's going to have to pay a fortune in child support!

Mya: Speak for yourself about those ears ;)

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Bc i am well I hope you are as well

sdock10 said...

Sleepy, I guess. Thanks for asking.

Why so pissy earlier?

Anonymous said...

Mayo, you still owe us a bedtime story don't you?

Amyranth said...

I'm warm. And damp. And eating ice cream.

-A

ergoproxy said...

yay first for amy!!

mya you're all ears? must make clothing hard to find

toujours said...

i had a blended iced latte today -- what'd you get, mayo?

Anonymous said...

Pretty okay, Mayo.

I got you a cow.

elena said...

Pissy Mood?

No problem. We all have those.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mayo!

Anonymous said...

Why don't you tell us who you are MAYO.

Original Punk J said...

Doing pretty well tonight, M. Tired b/c I was out all day today. L's hurting some from the fibromyalgia, but otherwise alright. What were you pissy about?

J

Anonymous said...

Pissy moods are fun. I get my most creative when I'm in a pissy mood.

mya said...

I'm Here

ergoproxy said...

I'm good thanks mayo,nice fine day and all :)

Amyranth said...

LOL Ergo!

Hey, a first is a first, but around here, it never happens once!

-A is wearing her fanclub hat.

Anon616 said...

Well Mayo, I'm a little tired after giving birth to the twins; but, I should be back to 100 percent by tomorrow.

I'm glad to hear you are well!

Anonymous said...

That's good MJ. Yep, I'm good, just listening to some tunes.

I wouldn't mind Clinton being VP, as long as John McCain doesn't become President. His ideas about the war are pretty fucked up and unrealistic.

Anonymous said...

"You couldn't shut me up if you tried"

anima said...

"So yeah, I am pretty good. A bit of a pissy mood earlier. But, I am over it."

I'm sorry. Dude that sucks. You know we all lay it out there...but if you are over it, that's good too. Don't hold it in too much.

And thanks for swinging by when you said you would. Could you tell we sexcited?! ^_^

Anonymous said...

Hiya star

ergoproxy said...

amy would you like me to autograph it?



mayo have you been well apart from pissy earlier?
life treating you nicely?

Anonymous said...

Hey Mayo, when do you think you're going to end the blog?

Just out of curiousity.

elena said...

So Mayo lots of Lovelies here.

Not that we were waiting for you or anything.

Mayonaise said...

No hair brushes...just a bunch a bad words.

And yes, I am often inspired when I am pissy.

Anonymous said...

Why don't you once and for all take control of your blog Mayo and tell CERTAIN people how they should behave ie a certain group of people who chased others away.

anima said...

*were*

Fuck. :/

Amyranth said...

Please do Ergo!

-A

Anon616 said...

Sweetcheeks, did you the e-mail I sent you? I hope Cupcake received hers......

Amyranth said...

I threw my hairbrush at the cat once. Completely unintended.

Poor thing is terrified of the bathroom now.

-A

Anonymous said...

Amy, you're eating ice cream? No fair. I had someone go to the store and fetch some for me >:)

sdock10 said...

Mayo,

Bad words are the best and most fun.

Just sayin....

I know them very well.

mya said...

I'm often pissed off when I'm pissy

Smoke said...

Awwww, try it sometime, Mayo. You can even say bad words as you sling the hairbrush. That works best. Bwah!

Anonymous said...

*chorused*

hello, himself! an' pleased to be seein' you here!

Amyranth said...

So Mayo, what did your discontent inspire you to do? Something positive, I hope?

"It t'was the winter, of our Discount Tent."

*giggles to herself*

-A

Anonymous said...

sugarplum, yeah I did. Thank you very much :)

Did I tell you about my summer concert plans yet? I'm not gonna go to Ozzfest after all.

Anonymous said...

Were the "bad" words justified Mayo, or were you just in a bad mood?

ergoproxy said...

*grabs artline finepoint marker*

to amyranth...

couldn't ask for a more fabulous club president

lots of love

Ergoproxy ♥xx♥


*hands back hat*

Amyranth said...

BC, it's not just ice cream, it's a hot fudge sundae with peanuts on it.

*OM NOM NOM*

-A

Original Punk J said...

Mayo, you remember FuckFest2007? Was your pissy mood on that level of pissy, or what?

One of my favorite swear "words" is "motherfuckin' sonofabitch". Or "sonofabitchin' motherfucker". Feel free to use it.

Hey, have you seen the new Indiana Jones movie yet? If so, how is it?

J

elena said...

If was inspired by pissy moods I'd be fucking brilliant.

Amyranth said...

*counts her toes*

23 again? Dude..

Thank you for the shirt Ergo!

-A

anima said...

mayo, i feel like we scare you a bit. (lowercase makes me feel like i whispering).

Anonymous said...

And you know, it makes me so angry. This race totally pointed up really deep issues of racism and sexism that I really almost had begun to think were buried. But a black man and a woman run for president and up they sprout again in the form of "edgy humor." A T shirt that read "Bros before Hos" with pictures of Obama and Clinton? Come on! Did you all know about "Citizens United Not Timid" (yeah, way to be oblique there!), an
anti-Clinton group founded by Republican guru Roger Stone. Honestly!

What an ugly world this can be.

ergoproxy said...

hello little dustbunnykins!

*hands over small foil wrapped chocolate brownie crumbs*

Anon616 said...

TJ: please do something about the evil typo fairy! She's eating my words again. :(

Mayonaise said...

I was inspired to write a bunch of angry shit and although it relieved my mood it will never see the light of day.

Well, I should never say never.

Anonymous said...

Mayo, why did you let us know ahead of time when you were going to be on?

Anonymous said...

*Totally jealous of Amy's ice cream*

Gahhhh; you're making me hungry ^_^

mya said...

Shit, Mayo! Let it all out!
Let it out here!
We do...

anima said...

fuck it. my thoughts and my typing are not in sync with one another. missing words. :(

Why?! Oh yes, I know!

toujours said...

yeah. "never say never" -- that should be embroidered on a little pillow for your recliner, mayo. *grin*

Amyranth said...

I mostly curse when I'm angry. I don't have the wherewithal to sit and write ANYTHING.

Bull in a china shop, you see.

-A

Anonymous said...

It's kind of cool to see Mayo here bitching about his day like the rest of the lovelies.

ergoproxy said...

Amyranth said...

BC, it's not just ice cream, it's a hot fudge sundae with peanuts on it.

Do NOT ask me to work out for you to!;)

sdock10 said...

Mayo,

So long as you wrote it down and got that shit out, that's really all that matters, right?

You have to let it go.

Amyranth said...

*shares some of her ice cream with BC*

I think there's more in the kitchen, if anyone wants some hot fudge sundaes with peanuts.


-A

Smoke said...

Well, it's good that writing makes you feel better. Throwing things and punching people makes me feel better so, yeah, good for you. :)

Anonymous said...

Never say never, sometimes the angry shit needs to come out.

Anonymous said...

Oooooh! Thankee, Miss Ergo!

*shares the crumbs out among the three*

Mayonaise said...

Anima,

Yes, I am a bit overwhelmed.

ergoproxy said...

mayo I find sometimes it's good to get it out,it doesn't have to be shared, just giving it a place is often enough

elena said...

Mayo

If writing it made you feel better than it served it's purpose.

Just make sure you hide it really well. Crap like that can be bad if it gets out and you don't want it to.

ergoproxy said...

wow 100 comments in 10 minutes!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Amy I would like some Ice cream. Please

sdock10 said...

Mayo,

Are you really feeling better? And don't be scared of us, we're just a bunch of crazies, but harmless.

Anonymous said...

mayo is so obviously the anon writing about how cool it is that mayo is here bitching about his day with the lovelies.

yeah..right...cool.

Anonymous said...

An ugly world but a beautiful world. A better, revised view of the Milky Way.

toujours said...

mayo, the blog's a bit sink or swim once you're commenting...just go with the current.

and stop proofreading. that just slows you down.

Mayonaise said...

Let it go.

I agree.

Anonymous said...

Then why tell everyone a head of time? Everyone that would have been in bed by now is staying up for you.

Anonymous said...

Glad you could get something out.

It's hard being all clogged up in the head.

anima said...

fuck you Blogger! Thanks for eating my comment.

My friend, it is what it is. Sometimes it is best that you keep things to yourself. Sacred.

....

I do miss my pen and paper.

Anonymous said...

12:10, I am certainly not Mayo.

Anonymous said...

*almost* feel sorry.

elena said...

* EVERYONE STEP AWAY FROM THE MAYO...

HE'S OVERWHELMED *



Sorry Mayo, we can't help it. It's just fucking cool when you stop by and talk.

ergoproxy said...

oh I just heard a snake eating a frog noise somewhere, at least it sounded outside

Anonymous said...

he is slow because he is posting as some of the anons as well Teej

Amyranth said...

*adds some ice cream to another bowl for Martha*

-A

Anonymous said...

Hello knipp. Thanks Amy *gratefully takes ice cream*

When I get angry, sometimes I pretend that my punching bag is Howard Stern, or some other kind of pig headed asshole that pisses me off.

When I'm not doing that, I blast my metal really high. Makes me feel a hell of a lot of better.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mayo.

You seem more relaxed than the other times you have commented.

You must have needed to blow that valve* for a while ^_^

*lights mayo a cigarette*

*that is not meant to be dirty!

mya said...

*zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...........*

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, and i just found the most awesome thing. You guys know how I'm always babbling about the duality of light, and how it "knows" when it's being watched? This article kinda pretty much explains that better than I ever could with my clumsy vocabulary.

anima said...

I'm sorry you are overwhelmed. My only hope is that you feel safe here. It is your place after all.

Amyranth said...

Ergo.. um.. I hate to ask, but how does one "know" what that sounds like?

:S

-A

Anonymous said...

Damn the day the doctor took you off the meds, Kapuanua!

ergoproxy said...

we should set it up like Santa, each have a turn sitting on mayo's knee while the others wait behind gaily tinselled barriers in a zig zag pattern

Anonymous said...

he does not seem relaxed, he seems tense awkward and nervous as usual.

with no personality

Anonymous said...

anon 12:11

Hell no, not for me. I'm almost always here at this time of night talking to the other bloggers. And right now that's what I'm doing.

Anonymous said...

Oh my god! This splits me up.

Smoke said...

Well, hell, wouldn't you be nervous about thirty women throwing questions at you all at once?

*slings a hairbrush*

Jesus.

mya said...

What?! I'm awake! Really! I am!

Anonymous said...

Mayo,
When I feel a little overwhelmed I try to lighten the mood.
So:
What's silver and red and waddles into walls?




A hungry zombie baby with forks in its eyes.


It's an oldie, but a goodie.

Mayonaise said...

Nope, I am slow because I am typing one-handed.

Amyranth said...

Hey, what time IS it where everyone else is?

It's 10:16pm here in Calgary.

-A

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Thank you amy

Anonymous said...

Naughty Mayo!

Anonymous said...

ewww, where is the other hand

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD!

Not "Please Be Gentle" jokes, Sdock.













;)

ergoproxy said...

Amyranth said...

Ergo.. um.. I hate to ask, but how does one "know" what that sounds like?


well.....

we have a lot of frogs, and they are a favourite of tree snakes, we hear it often enough.It's very loud, it only happened once though, so it must have been a small frog

mya said...

One-handed, you say?


Nope, I'm not gonna ask!

toujours said...

kinda already been there, ergo. no thanks.

*sitting on the floor, by the couch*

*cappuccino cookie bits on open palm*

Smoke said...

Wow, okay, then. O_o

Anonymous said...

LMAO!

Eww, you're so naughty.

Anonymous said...

*No, but not works, too. O_o

mya said...

It's "Mayo-time"!

elena said...

Oh God Mayo


Where is that other hand?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Blogger Mayonaise said...

Nope, I am slow because I am typing one-handed.

June 4, 2008 12:16 AM


For RW


O_O

amy it's 9:17

ergoproxy said...

Mayonaise said...

Nope, I am slow because I am typing one-handed.


wouldn't expect anything less!
lol

Anonymous said...

I like you Mayo.

anima said...

Mayo, me too.

Fun, isn't it?!

Anonymous said...

Gutter!

Where the hell were you all of yesterday!?

toujours said...

for once, i am glad i have a slow dial-up connection.

*steadfastedly not looking in mayo's direction*




here, little dustkin, nice fuzzy little dustkin.

Anonymous said...

Amy, it's 11:19 here and I am currently watching some SVU

Original Punk J said...

Wow, listen to the Vultures spew! Y'all sound a little tense yourselves, you nasty ones. How many of YOU need meds?

Smoke, throw that hairbrush, ok? You have good aim. :)

J

Anonymous said...

Boob?

Amyranth said...

Mayo, I'm going to assume you have a cat on your lap.

Wait, shit, no that doesn't work.

-A

sdock10 said...

Mayo is totally holding a cookie in the other hand, you guys.

anima said...

Err, EDIT!

Delete comment.

Sorry.

Anonymous said...

Shut up anon, at least she's not pesting him to look at her stupid fucking pictures, she is acting halfway decend to don't get her started

Smoke said...

A cookie? Or a smoothie?

Anonymous said...

Smoothie for sure.

Amyranth said...

Ergo, that's a real talent you have there.

"Oh my god! What was that horrible noise?"

"Oh, that. Just a frog being eaten by a snake" *wanders along happily*

O_O

-A

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Amy you almost forgot our cat jokes didn't you

sdock10 said...

Smoothie? Well if he is, that's just cold, seeing as how I almost burnt the fucking house down trying to make one yesterday.

Anon616 said...

i'm typing one handed too. this is rough!

ergoproxy said...

I think mayo may have injured his hand helping small woodland creatures in need

Mayonaise said...

You guys crack me up, seriously...

Man, I love smoothies, but they have a lot of calories. I got a bit of a "smoothie gut" so I been layin' off lately.

Anonymous said...

I've been busy, sorry I couldn't lend a hand yesterday.

Anonymous said...

I want to thank you in advance Mayo since don't know when you will bolt. It was nice of you to drop by, people were complaining like forever about you with the not hanging out thing, so nice to throw a bone, so to speak. I actually kinda like you, most days. And you do write some phenomenal things that make me think. So, thanks.

elena said...

Amy

Mayo is petting my Bigglesworth.

Original Punk J said...

Mayonaise said...
Nope, I am slow because I am typing one-handed.

June 4, 2008 12:16 AM


So, uh...whatcha wearing, Mayo? You want us to start talking dirty?

Hell, if you've been to the SP blog, you know we're good at it!

J

Smoke said...

Awwwww, Mayo. You are funny.

Anonymous said...

Not if you use yogurt.

They are healthy and all things right and good with the world.

Anonymous said...

he does not seem relaxed, he seems tense awkward and nervous as usual.

with no personality


Well, partially yes, but he is using slang and less formal language. Relaaaxed, even if a little overwhelmed. I like it

Sorry, Mayo. That was a bit awkward, you being here and all.

*12:13am/PP swims diagonally out of the blog current and makes for shore*

Nice to see so many of you here at once =)

Later all!

toujours said...

or he's currently directing traffic.

or conducting a symphony.

or signing peace treaties.

Anonymous said...

Wendy, where have you been young lady? ^_^

sdock10 said...

Mayo,

Smoothies are dangerous.

Just sayin...

elena said...

That was totally supposed to say


Mayo is petting Mr Bigglesworth.

Shit

Amyranth said...

Elena, that's not cool. He was just stroking my Hazel.

-A

Anonymous said...

Hi pickled possom. Bye pickled possom. Take care.

Smoke said...

Not if you let Sdock make it, cuz ummmm, you won't get one.

*snickers*

Bwah! Couldn't help it.

Anonymous said...

Not the way I make smoothies, mine have no calories at all.*





















*Not really.

sdock10 said...

Smoothies will burn down your fucking house.

Do not listen to Mustard or Smoke.

Anonymous said...

Ah, still doing what you do, I see.

Anonymous said...

STFU, Sdock.

Smoothies will solve all the world's problems.

Anonymous said...

Smoothies will burn down your fucking house.

Will the hire a dog to burn down a hospital?

sdock10 said...

How dare you guys make fun of my smoothie catastrophe yesterday!!!

I thought you were my friends!

And my own sister!!

Anonymous said...

Will they kill your friends, and ride their corpses like a carousel?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello and goodbye PP.

Anonymous said...

But also, with the being masterful, so bow down.

anima said...

Mayo, you feelin' the love?

...

Me too! Don't worry about a thing. We have you.

...

*beep* My hubby is calling...

Anon616 said...

i've been in hiding, sweetchecks. what have you been doing?

sdock10 said...

Yes Jules, yes smoothies will do all that.

Anonymous said...

Was that sloths or lemurs, can't remember?

ergoproxy said...

hey PP my antipodean pal! nice to see you

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hey S&V if you are still here. Today when I took a shower there was a spider in there with me. I thought it was dead but it wasn't.

sdock10 said...

Mayo,

Is there anything you want to ask us, tell us, or talk about with us?

Anonymous said...

Oh man, someone remembered. It was sloths!

Anon616 said...

hi possum!

Smoke said...

Martha Jones said...
Hey S&V if you are still here. Today when I took a shower there was a spider in there with me. I thought it was dead but it wasn't.


Make her stop, Mayo. MAKE HER STOP!

^_~

Amyranth said...

Smoothies aren't the be-all and end-all.

I like Iced Tea myself. Less work.

And then I can eat my fruit, fresh.

-A

Original Punk J said...

Hi and bye Possum! We miss you like mad. *hugs and kisses*

Guys, I'm not even going into that whole cat-petting thingy. But I know Mrs Slocum would say:

"My pussy got all wet and I had to dry it out by the fire!"

J

ergoproxy said...

me!

or mayo

I think i'm a bit late

Anonymous said...

My eyes are beady.

It kinda feels like those entries that have been tucked away, but not the right day.

And there are no sweaty palms.

Anonymous said...

milkshakes are better

Anon616 said...

i'm on top!!!!!!!!!!!! yes!!!!!!

Mayonaise said...

I am glad that you are all here and that my little prompt seemed to work.

And before anyone asks, yes I do notice some are missing and I do find it troubling.






I no longer question this whole thing. I just go with it, you know?

Anonymous said...

Sugarplum, just chit-chating a bit here. I wanted to tell you that I'm not going to ozzfest after all. I'm going to the mayhem tour instead.

You don't have to hide :)

Anonymous said...

The ignoring that is happening in her from Mayo is warming my heart! Thank you Mayo. I am sorry she is still here

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