Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Hollow point.

I will repeat it again and again.
For thirty-two, then thirty-three
time stopped. But, when does it end?
With empty rooms and unfilled beds,
and desperation; the last moments
and too many words left unsaid.



I am copying each name with bold black ink onto plain white card, filling the empty space with the only tangible evidence I have. One at a time I place a card face down before me while I consider each as if it were my own. Then, on the back of each card I write my name.
I can, but they cannot.

So, I will.

3,839 comments:

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farawaysoclose said...

hi ergo, solly and EVERYONE else! i'm fine. life is pretty good and busy.

i'm not here for much longer, it's already 22.50 in the UK!! nice to briefly catch up though.

catch you guys tomorrow and then i'm off to a wedding at the weekend. but then it all goes back to normal!

love to you all.

sdock10 said...

SOCKFUCKER!!!!

FTW!

farawaysoclose said...

oh yeah night night mayo and SS!!!

sdock10 said...

so close yet so faraway!!!!

Smoke said...

But more LEATHERMOUTH. ^____^

I just felt like that could be repeated once or ten time. ^_^

I'm still bouncing. O_o

Anonymous said...

Goodnight, FASC! See you tomorrow. :)

farawaysoclose said...

oh fuck i got first!!! seriously was not thinking about that!!!

always good mother fuckers!!

Smoke said...

"timeS "

Jesus.

sdock10 said...

Mustard,

You can't be (G)entle while making the batter. You've got to whip that shit up and give it a (G)ood beating.

Okay, I'll be back!!

I ♥ you, Mustard!

ergoproxy said...

aw sdock nearly!

congrats fasc on top!

have a good sleep and really enjoy the wedding on the weekend, hope it all goes well ( I have one on the 3rd May)

farawaysoclose said...

so close yet so faraway!!!!

fucking love you solly!!

night princess and mustard!!

Anonymous said...

*burying my face*

I won't ever live it down.

Anonymous said...

Night, FASC!

ergoproxy said...

I bet the "in my pants" game will be played somewhere by SS today!

It was great to see him call in earlier.

Mustard by a strange coincidence I will be making chocolate brownies today too!
....spoooooooooooky....

farawaysoclose said...

ergo weddings are such fun aren't they!! this is a kid free one so i am very excited!! just me and my old man!!

night everyone!!

ergoproxy said...

what's the (G) bit for?

Smoke said...

Sweet dreams, FASC!!!

No, Mustard. You will never live that one down.

Smoke said...

You know what though? I thought I was gonna get called SLAP forever.

O_O

Now, I just brought it back up.

Damn.

farawaysoclose said...

SS you sneaky c**t!! i missed that!!

that's fucking recent though yeah!!

shizzer i'm gone!! sorry to do that dragging on shit!!

bye guys!!

love to you all!

apologies if i sound mad or high!! i am just me!!

Anonymous said...

wuv you all!

farawaysoclose said...

that wasn't me btw!! i'm gone!!

Smoke said...

O_O

sdock10 said...

Mustard made this bit about her (G) key needing extra special attention, Ergo.

sdock10 said...

mad and high?

Weird combination.

ergoproxy said...

fasc! ours is too! it's so nice to enjoy it without constantly checking

'night

ergoproxy said...

hello mad and high
wuv you too


ah (G) keys are important

Anonymous said...

And nothing good came from it, Ergo.

Nothing.

Except a really bad reputashun. ;)

Smoke said...

SS is in his pants? Fo'real? So all this time he hasn't been in his pants? O_O

Bwah!

I am so slow today, I swear. I'm like two minutes behind everybody.

Golly gee marbles!

sdock10 said...

mustardisbetter said...
And nothing good came from it, Ergo.

Nothing.



0_0

ergoproxy said...

oh I just got a vision of a guy all curled up inside a really stretched pair of Y fronts!

but as you say smoke, if he hasn't been in his pants has he been conversing nekkers?

Smoke said...

Awww, see, that's just sad, Mustard.

Anonymous said...

Dudes.


SS was totally running around with undies on the outside today.

Who's secretly laughing inside? ;)

sdock10 said...

Dude, I suck at making the googly face. I should leave that to Some and Venom and RW.

I just took my doggies to the creek and I swear those bloody Mossies almost toted me off. One bit me on my little finger. HOW THE HELL??? I'm just so damned sweet.

Anonymous said...

But you know what?

Do you?

*sings*

I don't give a damn 'bout my bad reputation!

Smoke said...

Ergo,

With that dude, who knows? I agree with Mustard. It was definitely an undies on the outside day. ^_~

He's nothin' but trouble, I tell ya!

Hee-hee.

Smoke said...

Solly,

No. No you're not. You're evil.


Evil mossies ♥ evil Solly.

Anonymous said...

He's nothin' but trouble, I tell ya!

Probably more like double trouble!

Undies on the outside, on a sugar high. No telling what the dude's getting into.

sdock10 said...

Am I really evil???

No, certainly not.

They sure love sucking on me though.*


*Oh hush.

Smoke said...

I don't know but I bet we make him laugh-out-loud.

Totally.


Solly,

Love-sucking you?

O_O

sdock10 said...

Damnit, now I want brownies!!!! Brownies and milk...Oh well, oh well, oh well...I guess I will have to settle for Fritos and Coca Cola.


How can a mossie bite itch so damn bad?

Anonymous said...

And I'd just like to point out that SS is among 15 other crazies who have an interest in toenails.

There's SS. Then there are 15 other people.

All of them interested in toenails.

Does that strike anyone as, I dunno, weird? ;)

sdock10 said...

SMOK,

I said HUSH! That's what they do...they take their little sticker and they poke it in your skin like a tiny needle and they suck your blood....DUH!!!

I have no blood running through my veins anymore...only SKEETER SPIT!

ergoproxy said...

hahahahaha!

hopped up on sugar and undies on the outside, lol classic

ok I must away to the gym and I'll be back with newly trimmed hair and tinted eyelashes

sdock we've been getting bloody mozzies here too! rotten creatures, they always go for my ankles

sdock10 said...

Mustard,

I have decided that since I have the most fabulous feet that I want to be like a uhhhh what would you call it..like a hooters girl for the TOE TOUR...I would go everywhere showing off my feet.

What do you think? We could have calendar and everything!!

Anonymous said...

A calendar of feet!

Just what we need!



Bye Ergo!

sdock10 said...

I know! I know! It's genius! Feet totally sell!

Smoke said...

like a hooters girl for the TOE TOUR

No, you didn't. Just no, you didn't.

FEET ARE ICKY!

SS is weird. You're all weird.
Is this tour gonna bring out all the people with foot fetishes? EWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

SS, you sure you wanna do this? O_O

Smoke said...

A calendar of feet?

*passes out from the thought of all those feet and toes

Anonymous said...

SS is in for the long ass haul now.

Dude's nail file came in the other day. There's a no return policy, mostly because what the fuck will anyone do with a guitar in the shape of a nail file, huh?

Smoke said...

Did you see the guitar shaped like Bigfoot's, ummm, foot?

WEIRD!

Anonymous said...

NO! Are we talking in real life?!

Smoke said...

Yeah, you haven't seen it? Hold on.....

sdock10 said...

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

What behavior in others do you most admire but feel is lacking in yourself?

Anonymous said...

>_>


<_<


i must make this quick! while she's helping a customer!

elena put me to work as soon as i got here, and not dusting either. hard labor in the stacks!

i only just managed to grab this moment after she finally called me over to feed me. *sigh*

(actually, i'm enjoying myself immensely -- i'm sitting on the floor re-shelving the sci-fi and fantasy, putting them back in the spots where they properly live, and listening to mcr. this is like the way i used to enjoy spending my week-end afternoons. *grin*)

*gasp*

she returns!

must dash!

bye blogbelieve!

bye mayo-sama!

talk to you later!

*scuttles back to the stacks*

Anonymous said...

Wow.

The overwhelming ability to push through the day while maintaining a positive outlook.

But, I'm working on it.

Anonymous said...

has anyone seen Alicia Way's new tattoo pics on bn.


she must have caught LynZitis, because she has a full slut sleeve now.

Smoke said...

Shit!

That didn't work.

sdock10 said...

I admire anyone who has the ability to not get caught up in worrying about the details and the small shit all the time. Someone who can go with the flow and not get all anxious when their routine is interrupted.

Also...patience.

Smoke said...

Anyhoo...

It's on Yahoo's Most Emailed Pictures.

GRRR!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I'm very bad about that, Sdock.

I have to break this habit, or things will never work the way I'd like.

I have myself on a schedule, and once that schedule becomes erratic (i.e. waking up 2 minutes late, brushing my teeth after my shower instead of before O_O), my whole day is shot to hell.

It's kind of bad.

Smoke said...

Sdock,

Your comment about patience got sandwiched in between my very impatient comments.

Anonymous said...

what was the picture, smoke?

sdock10 said...

Mustard,

I'm the same way...is that some kind of borderline obsessive compulsion?? Because I ate when things get all whacky...I have a hard time enjoying myself because things are not in my control. When it's bullshit anyways, because what do we really have control over?



Smoke,

Story of my life...sandwiched between your impatience and fabulousness!!

Smoke said...

It was supposed to be a pic of a guitar shaped like Bigfoot's foot.

It was weird.

sdock10 said...

*hate

not

ate

Anonymous said...

There's SS. Then there are 15 other people

FASC works with feet that's her job apparently....she said so!!

not seen alicia's new sleave of tattoos but i like her!!

TJ glad you are having fun!

PS am i even spelling apparently right??????

sdock10 said...

I have ate some whacky shit though.

..just sayin

Smoke said...

Story of my life...sandwiched between your impatience and fabulousness!!

And you love it!

sdock10 said...

mad and high,

Don't ask me! I messed that word up last night, but yes you are spelling it correctly.

sdock10 said...

Smoke,

Of course I do, wouldn't have it any other way.

Anonymous said...

cheers solly!

i struggle with spellings of some words!!

Anonymous said...

sdock, trying to control things usually is a sign of anxiety, or too much stress in your life.

You control things, because everything is swirling around you, all disjointed.

Anonymous said...

Sdock, it could be OCD, or probably a better term would be Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder.

Hello Mad and High!!

Smoke said...

Be right back, errbody.

Don't go anywhere!

sdock10 said...

So, would medicine help? Because I don't want to be a zombie who doesn't feel anything, but I would like to take a bit of the sharp edginess off of myself. I would love to be able to breathe in and exhale.

Anonymous said...

i am the anon that said about being in love with my ex and wished unhappiness on their relationship hoping that he came back to me. some of you were very sweet to me. my aunt works with her mum!! turns out she's 14 weeks pregnant by him............this guts me because i was carrying his baby 3 yrs ago. we were so thriled but i lost that baby at 10 weeks. just feeling wretched! i'm not really mad and high i just picked up on FASC words.....i'm just silently devastated...to the point of what the hell am i going to do now?!

Anonymous said...

Oh man, M&H. That's tough. Not sure if I have any words of encouragement for that.

I guess you just have to continue to live your life (though I'm sure it will be difficult as you two seem to have a very deep history).

Just keep trying to move foward, I think.

sdock10 said...

M&H,

That's hard. I just think you are stronger than you realize. Give yourself a little credit, but what you are going through is shitty.

Fimble Star said...

mad and high, reading that just broguht a tear to my eye and i dont know why.

i am so so so very sorry for your lose back then and your feelings now.

i am never good at talking or sayign the right things but i am a good listener so anytime you want to talk, shout scream or vent then you can email me if you like. i will be here for you.

Anonymous said...

thank you solly, fimble and mustard.



i honestly don't know what to do. i want to escape it all. it kills me. i saw him the other day. he smiled at me. i want to run away and never see him with her ever again, but i live here. they are around. people think i am fine because i always pretended it was our decision to split.


when i lost the baby it was hell, i had to have an operation in hospital because some of the "pregnancy" was left behind. he was so cut up and so lovely. i honestly can't bear this news. i don't want to see them with their child in 6 months time. it will hurt so much.


thank you though guys you are such sweet and caring people. i have no one to talk to about this because where i live everyone knows each other.

Fimble Star said...

mad and high, the only thign i can think of is if you call up a hotline, which it can be confidential and anonymous and talk to them. they will be trained in all sorts of things and they may have the best advice. i am sorry i am no help, thats the only thing i can think of, but you know that you can talk here or just get someones email and talk to them. my offer still stands.

Anonymous said...

Well, you know you have lots of people here you can talk to. There's someone here nearly 24 hours a day. So, don't hesitate, okay?

I just can't imagine what you're going through. After losing your child and seeing the person you love with another person, I can see where you're coming from.

sdock10 said...

m&h,

Like Fimble said earlier, I might suck at finding the right words to try and comfort you, but please know that we are hear to listen and sometimes that's all you really need is someone to hear you out.

I don't pretend to know what you went through. I have never been pregnant, but thought of losing a baby is devastating to me. But look at yourself, you've made it this far.

Anonymous said...

Fimble, I think that's excellent advice as well. They will be more able to provide for you, M&H. That's always a consideration.

resurrected wreck said...

*fantasizes about having her feet rubbed by... well, anybody really*

Hi, all :)

Smoke said...

Okay, I'm back.

M&H,

Just catching up on the last few comments. I'm so sorry about what you went through and what you're going through. I wish I knew what to say.

sdock10 said...

Hey RW!

Welcome back, Smoke!

Fimble Star said...

you are dirty rw,
*runs and gives rw a wedgy*
*realises she isnt wearing nickers*

mad and high, i know i have me email on my profile, so anytime whether it is to talk abotu your feelings or you just want to chat. i hope you are ok.


hello PJ

Smoke said...

Hey there, RW! What did you buy me today?

resurrected wreck said...

you are dirty rw,
*runs and gives rw a wedgy*
*realises she isnt wearing nickers*


0_0

Are you telling fibs again, missus??

Hi, Solly & Smoke!

Smoky, I got you two pairs of silk Chinese slippers.

sdock10 said...

RW,

Don't buy her shit!! Nothing! I already buy her everything she wants. She doesn't need anything else.

Anonymous said...

thank you so much fimble, solly and mustard.

i don't even know why i shared that with you. i wonder why i even shared the fact that i am still in love with him. it just happened!


i come over all bravado you see, all great with life. but saying it to you guys just helps. thank you again. i will be OK. i will. i'm just hurting right now. thank you again all of you.

this place is so special. as i have said before i am an MCR fan and a fan of great music. i have hung here from the start but only very recently shared anything with you guys. i felt guilty to intrude into the family after so long. but you have all made me feel welcome and have been so kind.

i am OK. i have felt sad for a long time but i will be OK.

all i am saying is don't worry, i won't do anything silly i promise. i just feel sad.



thank you, all of you.




s'pose i should thank mr mayo too!!......thanks mayo.

resurrected wreck said...

Has Subtle been by today? His profile info's changed.

Anonymous said...

No problem, M&H. Hang in there. You know we're rooting for you! :)


Hey, RW! Nice to see ya!

resurrected wreck said...

Don't buy her shit!! Nothing! I already buy her everything she wants. She doesn't need anything else.

Too late, Solly!

Anonymous said...

thanks princess also, i missed that.

hi RW cos i know your name even if you don't know me.

and cos i also know PJ's name although she doesn't know me.


hi PJ!

resurrected wreck said...

(I got you a royal blue silk pashmina scarf, Solly. But don't tell S&V!)

Smoke said...

OMG! There was the prettiest fox in my backyard! I couldn't get close enough to him to get a picture. BOOO!!! :(

resurrected wreck said...

Hi, Mustard! :D

resurrected wreck said...

Hi, M&H :)

Smoke said...

No problem, M&H. Don't ever feel like you can't come and talk to us, okay? We may not have the answers you need but we'll definitely listen!

Anonymous said...

i'm gone now!

thank you FASC for the loan of that name!

i am english too. it's very late for me!! night everyone!

Smoke said...

RW,

I ♥ you. Even if you did buy that ol'whiney Solly sumfin'.

sdock10 said...

M&H,

You feel free to talk to us anytime. This blog is an amazing place full of the best people I've never met.


RW,

REALLY?????

*squeals with delight*

Nobody every buys me pressies.

Fimble Star said...

mad and high. i often put a face on things, pretend things are not happening or pretend i am fine when in fact i am not. i know how hard it is to hurt inside and feel like you need to scream but you feel like you have a sock in your mouth and you cant say anything. i do not know anything abotu your situation but i will be an ear for you if you like. like you said, you needed to talk and let it out, please dont cover your feelings because they never go away, you need to face them head on and find the best way through it.

it is nice to have you here, join in but beware, rw is a dirty bird and so is slash. they will make you think naughty thoughts

sdock10 said...

Do you guys want to play more FOOD FOR THOUGHT questions?

I know how much Mustard loves em.


What have you always wanted?

Fimble Star said...

and bugger, i missed her.

well, shit on a birck and call it rick. i wanted to talk toher as well.

*waves bye to mad and high*

Smoke said...

Bye M&H!

Solly,

Are we talking like deep stuff or superficial shit?

Fimble Star said...

I have always wanted a metal detector. i do not know why, i just thought it would be fun finding random crap in my back garden. i never had one though.

i have also wanted a pottery wheel, so i could make potts. yet agan, i have never had one.

sdock10 said...

Just answer the question, Smoke.

*GROWLS*

ANSSWEEERRRRRR!

resurrected wreck said...

Oh, and one more thing - you're never too old for the pit!

*begs to differ*

I fear I was always too old for the pit 0_0

Or too short.

Fimble Star said...

would you wear your little black lacy number in th epit thoguh rw?

0_0

see i did it there hehehehehe

resurrected wreck said...

REALLY?????

*squeals with delight*

Nobody every buys me pressies.


It's blue & silky & was the prettiest one there, Solly! Honest!

sdock10 said...

Fimble,

I wanted a metal detector too!! For realz!

Niiiiiiiice!



But it we're talking deep stuff, I always wanted a fulfilling career. I don't have that.

resurrected wreck said...

What have you always wanted?

Do you mean a material thing?

sdock10 said...

Thank you, RW. I'm glad somebody thinks of me.

You're scaring me about the pit.

Seriously...are Smoke and I going to die?

Fimble Star said...

ohhhh i was totally off the mark then hehehehe.

i just wanted one thing really. i wanted to be accepted for myself. thats all. heck my maggots want the same.

tough love in this world.

*secretly still wants a metal detector*

sdock10 said...

RW,

Answer it both ways.

resurrected wreck said...

would you wear your little black lacy number in th epit thoguh rw?

I can't believe I was actually able to decipher your spelling!

No, i would not wear my racy little black dress in a pit! The very idea, madam!

resurrected wreck said...

Well, Solly, as far as material possessions go I have always wanted a field full of horses.

sdock10 said...

NO, Fimble, I'm glad you wanted a metal detector, because I don't feel so lonely anymore.

And yeah, self acceptance....fuck, that's the most important thing I guess. If I had self love and worth, I might have a more fulfilling life.

resurrected wreck said...

You're scaring me about the pit.

Seriously...are Smoke and I going to die?


I think you guys will be just fine. Just be prepared to be jostled around & have your feet stepped on.

Fimble Star said...

lol, it is very bad tongiht, i am typing in the dark on the old comp so i am not to pleased. but heck i still have the award but i think at one time martha was tryign to steal it off me. see i still do think, bugger the typo fairy.

and well done for figuring it out. you get a nice silver sheriff badge :)

Smoke said...

Right now I want some meffin' brownies. >_<

Fimble Star said...

a field full of horses sounds amazing rw. can you ride?

i used to ride when i was younger but i couldnt afford to go every week so i stopped. never picked it back up.

Smoke said...

Solly,

We'll be fine! The sight of my tiara will part those people in the pit like The Red Sea!

^_^

Anonymous said...

That's a really hard question.

Fimble Star said...

do you have brownies in america. i mean, not the food but the club that little girls go to?

we had:
rainbows
brownies
guides

i got half way through guides and then found drink, boys and the local park. hahahahaha, i was swayed lol

Smoke said...

Okay,

I have always wanted a big ol'house but to not have to pay for it.

Other than that,

I've always wanted cool ass job that I wouldn't dread waking up in the morning to. That would be awesome.

Anonymous said...

love and acceptance

sdock10 said...

Mustard,

My fellow deep thinker, I put that up just for you!!

Anonymous said...

I want everything to turn out the way I have it in my mind.

I want to wake up, be happy with what I've made of myself, and live and die by doing what I love.

Fimble Star said...

ok so this question, what have you always wanted?

now the question is, have you finally gotten it, or are you on the road to finally getting it or have you failed one big ant hill

Smoke said...

Love and acceptance are always nice.

resurrected wreck said...

a field full of horses sounds amazing rw. can you ride?

I could ride before I could walk, Fimmy. And I had my own pony growing up.

I've always loved horses.

Anonymous said...

Yes smoke, but love seems to get screwed up so many times

Fimble Star said...

slash, a big ole house is nice, but it is only nice if it is filled with laughter and life.

i lived in a 5 bedroom house when i was in england. my parents moved to cyprus for a year and i found myself in a lovely big house all alone. it isnt that much fun if you havent anybody to share it with.

Fimble Star said...

wow rw, learn somthign new about ya. sounds amazing, do you have any pics?

anon, can you have one without the other?

Smoke said...

I know, that's true. Real love and acceptance is a rare thing.

sdock10 said...

Epic failure, Fimble.

I'm lost.

resurrected wreck said...

wow rw, learn somthign new about ya. sounds amazing, do you have any pics?

Lots. But they were taken with an old-fashioned camera, not a digital, so I can't upload any for you to see :(

sdock10 said...

You have to have self love first, I think. And I don't, so that's why everything else in my life is what it is. I don't know how to do better by myself...or why I should.

Anonymous said...

No Fimble, if there's no acceptance, love is based on something false, or something you are trying to project.

You love someone the way they are, not what you think they are or could be.

resurrected wreck said...

and i found myself in a lovely big house all alone. it isnt that much fun if you havent anybody to share it with.

Actually, that sounds like paradise to me. I used to live for the one month each summer my parents would drive cross-country visiting relatives and I'd get the whole house to myself.

*tingles at the memory*

Smoke said...

At the rate I'm going, I'll never get my big ol'house and I'll be working at a sucky ass hospital for the next thirty years.

That's depressing right there.

WHERE'S MY FREAKIN' BROWNIES, BROWNIE MOSHING PIT ANON? NOW WOULD BE THE TIME TO BRING ME OUT A PAN. ^_~

Fimble Star said...

oh i am sad now rw, lol kiddin ya. i bet they were lovely though. i have always wanted to learn to ride properly.

solly, i am right there with you, but in 3 weeks, i am making myself stand up and succeed. i am going to try at least, but i may fail so i will just need to pick myslef up again.

Smoke said...

You love someone the way they are, not what you think they are or could be.

Right.

Unless that person needs to change something to better themselves. Ya know, like they are destructive or something. That's not false love. That's just having hope and believing in them.

Fimble Star said...

ok, i see the same but what if you feel that youcan never be loved. liek solly said it is self acceptance for most but what if you never find the right person that accepts you, instead, goes for the thing they can get out of you.

it is harsh out there and it can be scary but i believe that there is hope that you will be loved and accepted

oh fuck it, i have no idea and probably never will.

princess, if you get some brownies, pass them to me cos i am starvin marvin and i need a pick up of happiness hehehehe

Anonymous said...

Love and acceptance is nice.

So is happiness.

But, everyone's version of these things are different.

Smoke said...

Well, somebody's hoggin' all the brownies. >_<

Oooh, you know what would be good? A hot fudge walnut brownie with ice cream.


That's my answer. That's what I want right freakin' now.

Anonymous said...

*IS different

Subject/verb agreement, Moostard. >.<

Anonymous said...

Ah, but self love always is molded by what is reflected by others.

How do you love yourself, if others tell you constantly you are unlovable?

It's interconnected. You believe in yourself, but need to surround yourself with people that support you.

resurrected wreck said...

Love and acceptance is nice.

So is happiness.

But, everyone's version of these things are different.


^Wot she said.

Anonymous said...

How do you love yourself, if others tell you constantly you are unlovable?

It's interconnected. You believe in yourself, but need to surround yourself with people that support you.


Hell yeah. I agree with that.

You can only convince yourself of so many things.

Sometimes it's nice to have someone else to help you believe.

Smoke said...

You're right, Mustard. It is. My idea of love may not be your idea of love or Fimble's idea of love.

It's complicated and hard to understand.

Ah, but self love always is molded by what is reflected by others.

Yes. I agree.

Fimble Star said...

exactly, summed it up.

what i need now is peopel that support me, well maybe i should go place an ad hahahahahahahaa

ok, i am crap at trying to know anything about something i know nothign about.

*steps away from the topic*

i will watch you all with your sense.

Anonymous said...

Like, I love some things more than life itself.

Others might think I'm just crazy.

I find happiness in sleeping in and listening to music while the rest of the world continues to do whatever it's doing.

I find acceptance in the eyes of unjaded children.

sdock10 said...

Anonymous said...
Ah, but self love always is molded by what is reflected by others.

How do you love yourself, if others tell you constantly you are unlovable?

It's interconnected. You believe in yourself, but need to surround yourself with people that support you.



Yes, but I am here to tell you that shit doesn't happen overnight.

Sometimes you get sucked in by a bad relationship...the constant verbal abuse, just wears on your soul. It wears you down.

Smoke said...

Fim,

You know just as much as the rest of us. I'm still trying to figure shit out.

Twelve years of marriage definitely does not answer any damn questions or solve all of life's problems! Sometimes, it's even more confusing! O_o

sdock10 said...

Mustard,

Music! Absolutely.


*listening to The Killers Tranquilize*

Smoke said...

Who told you to listen to The Killers, Solly?

Fimble Star said...

ohhhh, listen to 'mr brightside' for me solly. i love that song

sdock10 said...

Just now? Myself


Oh you mean, before? You did, your Royal Highness.

Anonymous said...

Sdock, that is precisely why it is so difficult to leave this type of relationship.

Subconsciously, your mind believes you are unworthy, even though consciously you may be telling yourself otherwise. Negative words slowly, insidiously, chip away at one's self esteem.

That is why it is so important to surround yourself with supportive people. To give you strength and perspective.

sdock10 said...

What if your need to love someone so badly makes you think you accept them for who they are? Makes you think you can get past your obvious differences?


I suck at love.

Anonymous said...

No you don't, Sdock.

sdock10 said...

Fimble,

I dedicate Mr. Brightside to you!

Jennicula said...

Anon, but what if you are damaged by life. You have no support system to speak of?

You need someone to find you and pick you up from the mental gutter and show you that you can and should be loved.

It takes a lot of faith and love on the picker-upper side. It takes a complete mind change of the one being picked up.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello everyone, how are you?


Anonymous Anonymous said...

No Fimble, if there's no acceptance, love is based on something false, or something you are trying to project.

You love someone the way they are, not what you think they are or could be.


I dis agree. I think it is possible to love someone because you can see What they could become. I think you would already have to have feelings for them. So I don't think it would be false.

resurrected wreck said...

I suck at love.

I want that on a t-shirt.

resurrected wreck said...

Hullo, MJ and Jennicula :)

Smoke said...

Subconsciously, your mind believes you are unworthy, even though consciously you may be telling yourself otherwise. Negative words slowly, insidiously, chip away at one's self esteem.

Yes, yes, yes.

Fimble Star said...

solly, you know what isay to yuou. i will not repeat it here but listen missy, otherwise i will jump on a flying elephant and spank you with a wet fish

Anonymous said...

Glad to see you, Jen. :)

Anon, but what if you are damaged by life. You have no support system to speak of?

You need someone to find you and pick you up from the mental gutter and show you that you can and should be loved.


Yes, I agree, and what if?


What if you can't figure out what's wrong with you?

Anonymous said...

Hi, MJ! :)

sdock10 said...

Mustard, thanks.

But what kind of person lives the way I live??? I will tell you. It's someone who has so much self loathing inside. It's someone who knows that if she can't love herself then no one will ever be able to love her and she will continue to be his doormat. But in her twisted fucked up mind, she thinks thats her rightful place.

Anonymous said...

What if your need to love someone so badly makes you think you accept them for who they are? Makes you think you can get past your obvious differences?

Or do you think it is your need to believe in love, because you feel so unlovable. Then we would tolerate what others find unacceptable.

Smoke said...

Hey Jenn and MJ!

Love is complicated. Jesus. Self-love. Loving someone else and understanding why you love them. And then trying to understand why it they love you.

Just friggin' complicated.

Fimble Star said...

hello martha and jen. i hoep you are both well tonight.

i love my music on my computer. that is why i am missing my omputer like hell

Smoke said...

'why it is'

I'm leaving words out left and right! WTF?

Anonymous said...

But, someone can love you more than he can. He's not loving you. He's trapping you.

And you know damn well you deserve more than that. And you know you could offer so much to someone and them not take it for granted.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Rw. I think that would be a great t shirt. Or you could have one that says
I love the wrong people for the right reason and the right people for the wrong reasons.

Maybe not that is a little long for a t shirt

Fimble Star said...

to love another people in a way that it is not a family kind of love or friendship kind of love, in my opinion i think that you have to love and accept yourself first. then you will truly understand and benifit from the love from that person and the sens you have been longing for.

ladies and gentlemen load of bilge right there, whoop whoop

Smoke said...

And you know damn well you deserve more than that. And you know you could offer so much to someone and them not take it for granted.

I've tried to tell her that. Over and over and over.

Anonymous said...

No it isn't, Fim. It's just getting to that point that's so damn hard. :)

Fimble Star said...

rw, wpuld that be on the back, cos you have to have

r fucking w

on the front

:)

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Mib, FS, S&V, sd, jen and anon.

Hope all is well. I am fine by the way

Anonymous said...

You need someone to find you and pick you up from the mental gutter and show you that you can and should be loved.

It takes a lot of faith and love on the picker-upper side. It takes a complete mind change of the one being picked up.


This is a long healing process, may take a lifetime, with baby steps along the way.

To reverse a mindset is incredibly difficult, but not impossible. You must really want the change, and focus is important.

However change is threatening, most choose the more comfortable option, despite how it slowly traps us.

Smoke said...

I hate change. Change and the princess do not get along.

>_<

Sometimes, change is inevitable though.

Jennicula said...

"What if you can't figure out what's wrong with you?"

You just have to hope that the one you love, loves you enough to hang in there until you both figure it out. No relationship is perfect. No relationship is easy. It takes work, compromise, love, and understanding. Everybody has their issues whether you see it or not. Behind closed doors is another story.

sdock10 said...

However change is threatening, most choose the more comfortable option, despite how it slowly traps us.


Agree with that 300%. Change scares me. The unknown. There is something comforting and familiar about the pain and suffering. Does that make sense? I mean when it's all you've ever known. You can't imagine it any other way.

Anonymous said...

^See Sdock.

Smoke said...

Exactly, Jenn. Even the most seemingly perfect people are just as confused and messed up most of the time.

Fimble Star said...

where did rw and martha go

*looks under the rug*

*checks behind the curtains*

resurrected wreck said...

I love the wrong people for the right reason and the right people for the wrong reasons.

Maybe not that is a little long for a t shirt


Not if the first part is written on the front and the last part is written on the back!

I would also like a shirt that has "Guns hurt people" written at the top & crossed out, with "Guns don't hurt people, people hurt people", written underneath it, also crossed out, and "I hurt people" underneath it all, not crossed out. I could wear it when I'm having a bad day.

sdock10 said...

And I am off for a bit to find all the answers in my hot bath. I shall come back and share them with you!!!

Anonymous said...

RW, I need 7 of those, please. :)

resurrected wreck said...

To reverse a mindset is incredibly difficult, but not impossible.

^Wot anon said.

resurrected wreck said...

Maybe that particular design could be part of our ToeTour 2008 t-shit line, Mustard?

Anonymous said...

Agree with that 300%. Change scares me. The unknown. There is something comforting and familiar about the pain and suffering. Does that make sense? I mean when it's all you've ever known. You can't imagine it any other way.

True.

After you live with pain for long enough, you feel unsettled without it, even though you know it's wrong. The familiarity is comfortable.

When you undergo a major change in life, you sometimes need someone to hold your hand across all the steps.

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