It has been the same as far back as I can remember. Even though I spend many conscious moments attempting to force my mind to travel in this beautiful way, I am never able to recreate the flight...not in words, not in ink, not in thought. But, I have learned a day’s dream can fuel a nighttime’s tryst.
And so, it is always late at night and always when I am most hopeful that it begins. At the bottom of the stairs I stand and wait. The moment is always the same. I take a deep breath, and then with my arms outstretched, I lean forward. The lift is immediate. I glide easily up the staircase, out into to the open expanse of the room, and then out the front door.
Once outside, I rise even further and the world below me becomes smaller and I become bigger. I am always alone while I fly. I am light. Flight is effortless and I am unencumbered. I am fearless. And, as I acknowledge that wonderful feeling I become aware that I will soon wake up and it will be over. I will return to my feet with gravity’s hold on me and the notion that I can accomplish anything as long as I stand.
p.s. my pockets are lined with holes big enough to hold coins and small enough to sift dirt.
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I would like to credit the photographer and thank her for sharing her work.
Your words are what give value to this space.
Never do that again.
Yes, I am aware.
Art by: Toujours
No Contest
even if no one gets me, if i'm the only one laughing at my jokes, i won't hide myself away from life. it's uncertain and it's dirty and it's fucking exciting, and i want to be a part of all of it.
it's too good to waste in hiding.
toujours
February, 21, 2009 1:27 AM
it's too good to waste in hiding.
toujours
February, 21, 2009 1:27 AM
heart full
Today on my way home from class, I stopped off at the petrol station for some petrol. I paid on my card which wasn’t a lot, and then as I was getting into my car, I saw an old man walking past the building. He had a red and green stripy jumper which was frayed at the ends. He was also wearing some jeans that were dirty and had holes all over.
I sat there and became intrigued by him because I didn’t know what he was doing, so as I sat there and watched him, he continued doing what he set out to do.
He walked past the trash cans and first picked out a cup with some drink still in it (one of the cups that you get from burger king that has coke in it). He then walked over to the next trash can and pulled out the end of a half eaten sandwich. In my shock horror, he ate it and then went to sit on the wall to drink the drink he had found.
I felt sad, I wanted to give him my last $4 that I had but I was told when I was younger that you should never give people money, you should give them something they need or can use because that way, if they had an addiction, they would not be able to use the money for their addiction. So I went into the shop and bought a chicken sandwich from their deli counter and then walked out of the building.
The guy was still sat at the wall drinking his drink so I walked up to him and asked him if he would like this sandwich. He thanked me and said that he was hungry.
I should of felt good after that, doing something for someone else but all I could think of is where his next meal will come from or where in fact he will sleep tonight.
Fimble Star
September 30, 2008 8:08 PM
(Tonight, although I am cold and my feet are sore, my belly is full.)
I sat there and became intrigued by him because I didn’t know what he was doing, so as I sat there and watched him, he continued doing what he set out to do.
He walked past the trash cans and first picked out a cup with some drink still in it (one of the cups that you get from burger king that has coke in it). He then walked over to the next trash can and pulled out the end of a half eaten sandwich. In my shock horror, he ate it and then went to sit on the wall to drink the drink he had found.
I felt sad, I wanted to give him my last $4 that I had but I was told when I was younger that you should never give people money, you should give them something they need or can use because that way, if they had an addiction, they would not be able to use the money for their addiction. So I went into the shop and bought a chicken sandwich from their deli counter and then walked out of the building.
The guy was still sat at the wall drinking his drink so I walked up to him and asked him if he would like this sandwich. He thanked me and said that he was hungry.
I should of felt good after that, doing something for someone else but all I could think of is where his next meal will come from or where in fact he will sleep tonight.
Fimble Star
September 30, 2008 8:08 PM
(Tonight, although I am cold and my feet are sore, my belly is full.)
It helped.
Jennicula,
Thank you for sharing your story. Although it only appeared briefly, I was lucky enough to have caught it.
Once upon a time, for me, that was the best part of this place...having my words related back to me from another's perspective.
And it never mattered to me who said it, just that it meant something to the writer.
Thank you for sharing your story. Although it only appeared briefly, I was lucky enough to have caught it.
Once upon a time, for me, that was the best part of this place...having my words related back to me from another's perspective.
And it never mattered to me who said it, just that it meant something to the writer.
Blog header image by: Anima
I would like to credit the photographer and thank her for sharing her work.
something
Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life. Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. If you've had a shitty day and you feel like people just don't want you to be happy, and when you find yourself struggling to make it through the day, just keep on believing and keep the faith. Also, from personal experience, don't push people away. When they say they want to help and that they are there for you, let them in. Believe me, I know how fucking scary that thought is, but don't shut others out.
paperheartxx
September 22, 2008 11:07 PM
paperheartxx
September 22, 2008 11:07 PM
Retro-spectacled
Sometimes, when you look back on stuff in your life, you know, the crap that makes you shake your head and say, "Holy shit, what the Hell was I thinking?" it's part of what makes you - you.
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I have made small mistakes and really big, fucking scary mistakes. Would I change those mistakes and blunders?
No. Wanna know why?
Because they make me - me. They help make up the person that I am, what I've learned the hard way. Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and have become a better person for it. And, hopefully I don't repeat those same mistakes. Although, sometimes I repeat variations of certain ones, but I'm working on that. :)
Jennicula
June 11, 2008 11:19 AM
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I have made small mistakes and really big, fucking scary mistakes. Would I change those mistakes and blunders?
No. Wanna know why?
Because they make me - me. They help make up the person that I am, what I've learned the hard way. Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and have become a better person for it. And, hopefully I don't repeat those same mistakes. Although, sometimes I repeat variations of certain ones, but I'm working on that. :)
Jennicula
June 11, 2008 11:19 AM
aloft
Blazing against the sun
like locusts,
samaras swarm the sky
and skitter to an earthly end,
dry
like clever words.
I want to make them fly up,
flip heaven upside down
and dance across the top of hell
and sing your thoughts
to the sound of thunder
that you love so well,
rip open the littered sky
and bathe in the light
or draw across the firmament
the blanket of the night.
In only a day they have
covered the ground,
their brief flight
yielding nothing permanent
on infertile land,
a fleeting moment of swarming glory
that calls to mind our own
short story:
Diamonds and petals,
the loom and the light,
the inkdark moon, foxfire marsh,
an open, waiting hand.
Clever winged seeds
of childhood reminiscent--
and like the idiot grown-up heart,
as stubbornly indehiscent.
Weaver Girl
May 26, 2008 11:27 PM
like locusts,
samaras swarm the sky
and skitter to an earthly end,
dry
like clever words.
I want to make them fly up,
flip heaven upside down
and dance across the top of hell
and sing your thoughts
to the sound of thunder
that you love so well,
rip open the littered sky
and bathe in the light
or draw across the firmament
the blanket of the night.
In only a day they have
covered the ground,
their brief flight
yielding nothing permanent
on infertile land,
a fleeting moment of swarming glory
that calls to mind our own
short story:
Diamonds and petals,
the loom and the light,
the inkdark moon, foxfire marsh,
an open, waiting hand.
Clever winged seeds
of childhood reminiscent--
and like the idiot grown-up heart,
as stubbornly indehiscent.
Weaver Girl
May 26, 2008 11:27 PM
Electric Blue
…today I saw a ulysses butterfly it was in our yard and settled to feed on our hibiscus. They really are fantastically beautiful things, the electric blue is amazing, however as they sit with their wings closed they are rather nondescript and dull. Sometimes people are like that, from the outside they seem unappealing but within there hides an amazing beauty for those lucky enough to see it. I hope you appreciate beauty in all things, and look for it perhaps where others miss it.
ergoproxy
April 29, 2008 4:45 AM
ergoproxy
April 29, 2008 4:45 AM
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
I read your post again and suddenly without warning memories of construction paper filled my head. I remembered all the lop-sided flowers my girls made when they were young. Bright blue, yellow and pink flowers that were cut out with blunt end scissors would fill the windows to decorate for Easter. An occasional bunny was attempted but those usually ended up looking like creatures from a horror movie. Flowers were so much easier. I can close my eyes and hear the paper being cut into petals. I can smell the Elmer’s glue squirted on in huge blobs to attach each misshapen petal to form the flowers. We had a huge arts and crafts box full of wonderful items just waiting for their imaginations to turn into something wonderful. In my mind I see my daughters, as they once were, small, blond little girls sitting on the floor surrounded by scraps of paper and other art supplies. They would create their masterpieces then proudly show each other. Oh and Lord the messes that would ensue if the glitter made an appearance. Now, the box is forgotten. I’m not really sure where it even is anymore. The few flowers so lovingly created that survived are faded and dusty and high on a shelf they sit. Time marches on, so many things get left behind.
Today was the first Easter I spent alone. I don’t think it really upset me until I remembered the construction paper flowers. Of course I understand that my daughters are growing up and have lives of their own. But understanding doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I miss my little girls in their frilly Easter dresses. I miss the laughter that filled the house when they found what the Easter Bunny left for them. And I miss making the damn flowers.
Elena
March 24, 2008 3:57 AM
Today was the first Easter I spent alone. I don’t think it really upset me until I remembered the construction paper flowers. Of course I understand that my daughters are growing up and have lives of their own. But understanding doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I miss my little girls in their frilly Easter dresses. I miss the laughter that filled the house when they found what the Easter Bunny left for them. And I miss making the damn flowers.
Elena
March 24, 2008 3:57 AM
From the corner.
I wonder if you noticed
all our friends playing
Some had never tried before
and the result was amazing.
Poems from the corner
from the left and right
We did our best to keep them flowing
Late into this night.
If nothing else was accomplished
I hope we made someone see
How truly beautiful and amazing
a poem can be.
Sdock10
March 13, 2008 11:36 PM
all our friends playing
Some had never tried before
and the result was amazing.
Poems from the corner
from the left and right
We did our best to keep them flowing
Late into this night.
If nothing else was accomplished
I hope we made someone see
How truly beautiful and amazing
a poem can be.
Sdock10
March 13, 2008 11:36 PM
Thank You. Truly.
"This little world has grown around us, out of nothing, and it is a remarkable thing. Even the dark and dirty parts, the violent parts. Humanity will not thrive without passion."
Redrum
March 1, 2008 3:13 AM
Redrum
March 1, 2008 3:13 AM
Uncondensed
Your words are what give value to this space.
Never do that again.
Yes, I am aware.
Character Advocacy.
"Don't ever pretend to be something you're not. You are who you are, and no one can change that. The people who don't like the real you are just gonna have to suck it. Don't take shit from anyone. Don't crumble. Throw a few birds, and walk on.
I'm still trying to do this, so maybe we can work on it together."
mustardisbetter
January 16, 2008 4:48 PM
I'm still trying to do this, so maybe we can work on it together."
mustardisbetter
January 16, 2008 4:48 PM
Art by: Toujours
“I decided to stop pitying myself. Other than my eye, two things aren't paralyzed, my imagination and my memory.”
Jean-Dominique Bauby
Jean-Dominique Bauby
2,128 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 1801 – 2000 of 2128 Newer› Newest»Hey squeak squeak. Good to see you.
hey bc. :)
why is there no one around? *poutpout*
they are all on AIM plotting world domination
And soon it will all be oooooours!
I think we're gonna start, actually, with a World Chocolate Day.
I'm all for that.
No, let's start with World Kool Aid Day, shall we?
Bask in my refreshing, thirst quenching goodness!
Who wants the envelope?
You do the honors.
TJ
So how the job?
chocolate...kool aid...
can't we start with a world wasabi day, instead? beat everyone ninto submission with a fun wasabi-induced spike through the sinus'? :D
Yes.....
How would you define an addict?
the jobs, okay, elena. free coffee, and i need it. i almost fell asleep this afternoon while scanning documents.
it's not the most exciting job, but it will do just fine until it's time to head down to california for bamboozle left!
the most interesting thing right now is not the job, but the fact that i'm moving at the end of the month, and not only have i opnly just started packing up the apartment, i also don't have the faintest idea where i'm moving too.
hehehehe....
*oh dear*
wow, typo fairy is clearly living in my hair right now.
*sigh*
TJ
How about Kansas? Wide open spaces, lots of cows and wheat. Yeah that's about it.
Oh yeah we have tornados. That season is just around the corner.
hey guys
*waves*
how are you all?
Can I just address this please
Anonymous said...
"Entropy posted it but where did she get it, that's what I want to know. WHo sent it, because that is the person who probably made it up to frame them."
Entropy did not make any email up. I received the email so I saw that it wasn’t made up to frame anybody. I wasn’t bothered what had happened but it seems that other people received an email from blogger as well and they were bothered about it.
Lets just stop the accusations now, and leave it be.
Tornadoes scare...the living shit out of me...
er....kansas, huh?
*shuffles feet*
gosh,
i'd um...
i'd really miss the active volcano and earthquakes, elena.
wouldn't coming out a taking a peek at the place, though! say... around tax day...?
;)
How would you define an addict?
Someone who can't get enough.
typo fairy, get thee hence! shoo! shoo!
i meant wouldn't mind coming out and taking a peek, elena.
That's pretty much it, right?
But Mustard, how does one know they can't get enough? Where do you draw the line?
Todd said...
How would you define an addict?
Good evening, TODD. It's good to read you.
Is "addict" a fluid term? I think to a point, but at the same time since it is something clinical, you can go by the dictionary definition of it. It is someone who is physically, mentally and sometimes emotionally in need of something in order to function well.
I don't buy this crap about "in order to function," but to function well and be healthy.
TODD, do you know that tonight you were very nearly "peen" and "boylove?" O_O
Are there truly functioning addicts out there?
When you can't go one minute without thinking about it.
When you wake up and that's the first thing you need.
It's the first thing you need before you finally fall asleep.
When it consumes you and becomes you.
If something you need causes you to lose your job, licence, marriage, friends, family, etc., you are an addict.
Fimble, thank you. You are a wonder. ^_^
Well, "need" defines the addict after all, I think.
What makes one person be able to do a pile of coke on the weekend and leave it alone during the week or for months and the next person sell her body just to get it?
Is it chemical? Is it psychological?
Hello to anyone who arrived. I'll see you guys later. I'm not feeling too good. Take care
So are we all possible addicts? Is circumstance the only thing that separates us from each other? DNA? Bad genes? What is it?
Feel better soon, BC.
sdock10 said...
What makes one person be able to do a pile of coke on the weekend and leave it alone during the week or for months and the next person sell her body just to get it?
Is it chemical? Is it psychological?
Chemical, environment, mental state? I think it's probably a combination of the above.
Also, I think that possibly "weekend warriors" are addicts, only on a different schedule.
Hallo!!
Day after St Pat's day isn't so bad.
-A
bye, bc. hope to see you again, soon. :)
So if a person has tried something once....does that mean you walk a fine line from here on out?
Are addicts weak minded people?
Fimble,
I ♥ you. ^_^
Hey and bye Amy!
Sweet dreams, errbody!
Hey everyone who just walked in!
sdock10 said...
So if a person has tried something once....does that mean you walk a fine line from here on out?
Totally depends on what you're talking about. And the person, too. The only thing I can say for certain is that with heroin at least, yes. That's the one that is going to keep you. I do know some people though, who have tried coke for instance, who were just like, "Well, I'm done with that now." Or who didn't like it. Same with a few other drugs too.
I guess it depends very much on the person and slightly less on the drug.
Are addicts weak minded people?
No, they are not. Because after a time, your mind has nothing to say about it.
TJ
Come to Kansas and I'll show you around. We'll even have a tornado in your honor.
Bye Smoke~!
Addicts aren't weak mined people, I think they can frequently be described as someone with an "addictive personality". They go into EVERYTHING whole hog, without realizing that if it turned to something like drugs and alcohol, it wouldn't be good.
-A
I am a sex addict. I experience moments of cumpuslive need interspersed with times of restraint.
I experience negative consequences as a result of my behavior, but nevertheless continue to increase the time I spend thinking about, searching for, and participating in the behavior.
I've done a wide variety of drugs in my past. Marijuana, coke, acid, E, opium, speed, and probably a few others. I stopped ten years ago and never felt the urge again. I am the first to admit how lucky I am that I do not have an addictive nature. I feel so bad for people who struggle with addiction.
I don't think it makes you weak minded, necessarily.
More like something, I don't know.
I don't think you're weak, you just may need help in diverting your needs.
But, I don't think that makes you weak.
Well people joke about that, anon, but I guess it can actually be quite a problem.
Okay, so how does one go from being the casual drinker or coke user....to BAM...gotta have it right now. Is it a physcial thing that your body finally says yep, you need this gotta have it? or Is it what is going on in their life at the time?
you know, elena, even though i went to college in minnesota, i managed to only experience one tornado warning. i feel gypped.
i hope kansas can do better than the state of the golden gophers.
Anonymous said...
I've done a wide variety of drugs in my past. Marijuana, coke, acid, E, opium, speed, and probably a few others. I stopped ten years ago and never felt the urge again. I am the first to admit how lucky I am that I do not have an addictive nature. I feel so bad for people who struggle with addiction.
This may seem like a personal question and I hope you don't mind. Did you like all those drugs? Did you like some above others?
My friend is addicted to crystal meth. He hasn't done it in years, but some days it's all he can talk about. And his experience was completely unpleasant.
I'm addicted to mayonnaise.
sdock10 said...
Okay, so how does one go from being the casual drinker or coke user....to BAM...gotta have it right now.
Man, I dunno. If people could figure that out then maybe there'd be less addicts.
But maybe not?
Blogger sdock10 said...
Okay, so how does one go from being the casual drinker or coke user....to BAM...gotta have it right now. Is it a physcial thing that your body finally says yep, you need this gotta have it? or Is it what is going on in their life at the time?
Changr "drink" and "coke" to "chocolate bar" and you might get a little bit!
HA! I kid!
-A
Okay, so how does one go from being the casual drinker or coke user....to BAM...gotta have it right now. Is it a physcial thing that your body finally says yep, you need this gotta have it? or Is it what is going on in their life at the time?
Well, I think it's both psychological and physical.
Your brain (psychological) says, "Hmm. This feels good. Let's do it again, but I need more to get that feeling (Physical)."
As for what's going on in their life, it probably plays a contributory role. Like, the affects of daily life can make you depressed or anxious or leave you feeling something, so you turn to the one thing you can depend on that will give you the satisfaction you NEED.
So are the people who call themselves casual users or social users just fooling themselves?
Anonymous said...
I'm addicted to mayonnaise.
It's gonna clog your arteries and you'll end up with a bad heart, homeslice.
As for what's going on in their life, it probably plays a contributory role. Like, the affects of daily life can make you depressed or anxious or leave you feeling something, so you turn to the one thing you can depend on that will give you the satisfaction you NEED.
Agreed. Your own emotional life I guess has a lot to do with it. Things you lack or think you lack?
Blogger sdock10 said...
So are the people who call themselves casual users or social users just fooling themselves?
Well, again that depends on the drug. This is where the word "drugs" gets nebulous. You know?
hello again
TJ is here? or I've missed her?
well nothing like teaching 2 hrs of organic chemistry in the morning!
And it's exam revision so it's all of it!
anyone want to know about the naming, structure, properties and reactions of hydrocarbons? I'm your gal!!!
Things you lack or think you lack?
Right, which leads back into last night's discussion on Satisfaction.
And not getting any.
OOOO, RS moment coming up!
Kapunua, this just proves you have no sense of humor.
Ergo? I didn't know you still taught!
-A
Oh Ergo, you're my gal even without the polycarbons.
No, Love Man. It proves that you do not know snark when you read it.
The sad truth is that I had a LOT of fun. I worked full time, attended college full time(Magna Cum Laude), and managed to party three nights a week or more. I smoked pot almost every day during this time and did the other stuff on the weekends. I LOVED doing E, especially at all night underground parties. It was a great experience for me. The rest were okay, but acid is not my favorite. Hallucinating is not that much fun and the next day was awful. I have killed so many brain cells it's scary.
qamyranth I have 5 students I tutor, 4 on a wednesday and my yr12 was this morning, she has the chem exam.
anon why thank you. I have resonating double bonds just for you :)
Guess what, homeslice? I ain't Love Man. Or Lombard, or the OPs, before you start in again.
former druggie said...
The sad truth is that I had a LOT of fun. I worked full time, attended college full time(Magna Cum Laude), and managed to party three nights a week or more. I smoked pot almost every day during this time and did the other stuff on the weekends. I LOVED doing E, especially at all night underground parties.
What made you decide to stop?
It was a great experience for me. The rest were okay, but acid is not my favorite. Hallucinating is not that much fun and the next day was awful. I have killed so many brain cells it's scary.
Do you get flashbacks? I'm sorry if these are too personal. I always ask people about acid. You really believe the stuff you're seeing when you're on it, right? Like, or does a part of your brain say, "I took acid, therefore this can't be real?"
ergo!
hiiiii! :D
i got your email, but i didn't have time to write a reply.
was it a fun weekend? was your dad surprised?
Yeah yeah anon. You're no one. I get it.
Kapu what if I told you I was Mayo, would you shut the fuck up then? And stop pretending you know so much about drugs. You know nothing.
no, I think it's the anon I want to marry.
What made you decide to stop?
I guess I grew up. I just got tired of the lifestyle.
No, I don't have flashbacks. I only dropped acid maybe three or four times.
former druggie I think that is the problem with many drugs, it is enjoyable.
Addiction is partially physiological and partly psychological (the ratio depends on the drug)for example, many physiological addicts are found to have underactive brain chemistry which the drug conteracts (the need for the drug to feel "normal" however psychological addiction which crosses the spectrum into the enjoyment and that is very much tied to socail feedback gained while using the drug.
It is very complex and certain personality types seem far more prone to addictive behaviour, I for one just don't have that type of personal makeup, but I can see people who do.
former druggie said...
What made you decide to stop?
I guess I grew up. I just got tired of the lifestyle.
Did it take a lot of doing, to fully quit?
No, I don't have flashbacks. I only dropped acid maybe three or four times.
What was it like? You totally do NOT have to answer that question if it's too personal.
TJ!!!!!!!!!!! :D
that's ok
my weekend was great. my dad was SO surprised and smiled for two straight days.
It was great seeing my brother and your letter is really gonna be partyl airmail, written at 36000 feet!
I saw you reply to Elena up top so I am glad job is good, though dull, and best of luck with your moving, it's scary but kind of exciting too, any idea where you'll move?
Sorry other anon I just hate the sound of Kapu's voice on this blog. I know I'm not alone. And now all her little friends are just like her. It's sad. It used to be nice here before they took the fuck over.
I could never go into the specifics about my my drug use in the past. Maybe as an anon, but not openly.
Bert?
Nice and random right there. Way to go Anima.
Anyhoo....*whistles*
How is everyone?
a two-day smile? that's a very successful surprise, ergo!
i really don't have one single clue where i'm moving. i can't really afford to just hop into another apartment, so i have to get creative, i think.
but by the time i'm seeing mcr again, i'll be in a new place, even if it's crashing on someone's couch, so it will be interesting to see what's going to happen!
Where, where? ^_^
K, it was easy for me. I just stopped. That's it.
My acid trips were pretty tame but I remember laughing a lot and seeing things all sparkley once. The rest is kind of vague.
Anonymous said...
Sorry other anon I just hate the sound of Kapu's voice on this blog. I know I'm not alone. And now all her little friends are just like her. It's sad. It used to be nice here before they took the fuck over.
March 18, 2008 10:40 PM
Please stop.
Ever thought maybe we have the same interests?
I guess you see it as ganging up, though.
I hate raves, yet when I was invited and did my share of acid--I was gone.
oh please, please, don't stop.
former druggie said...
K, it was easy for me. I just stopped. That's it.
I guess in that way you are quite lucky. I wonder what set you apart from others who just can't. It's something to ponder anyway.
My acid trips were pretty tame but I remember laughing a lot and seeing things all sparkley once. The rest is kind of vague.
I'm sorry for asking so many questions but acid always gets me wondering. My friend's brother used to do it a lot and he would have these wild, insane trips. I asked him once--and I asked my own brother too, who also did it--and they both told me that at the time they were seeing those things, they believed them utterly. Like, it never occurred to them that they had taken acid and it might not be real. I just found that so bizarre.
Thank you for answering my questions. ^_^
You're welcome.
Addiction is a far more complex issue, than just relegating it to an "emotional" issue, or what is lacking on your life.
Some, unpredictably fall into an addiction. Once in the throes of an addiction, that need takes precedence over everything else, and the addicted may even be aware, but compelled to continue, despite the harm they do to themselves and ones around them.
And the ones who are close do suffer emotionally as well.
OMG, that explains so much!!! K is on acid!!!
Hahahahaaa! That would be both epic and disastrous.
anon @10:51 that is so true , if only addiction only harmed the person themselves. That is a usual defence - "it's my body, it's my life" but it never is , is it.
time for me to go, i'm afraid. :(
talk to you all again soon -- thursday probably.
bye!
mayo,
two hours is never enough time to get everything done online. i catch up here, try to hang around so i can spend a little time with my friends, but i have to scurry and find things and answer emails and...
and now it's gone again. poof.
soon, though. very soon i think i will be able to get my laptop repaired. and when it is, i know i'm going to want to spend every free moment online, here at my internet home (where the walls are cozy and black).
especially because i'm not afraid anymore. i know this place is home, no matter how far i drift.
and maybe it's ridiculous to have this much heart invested in what is really just an imaginary community, but i just don't care. i'm tired of worrying about it. i have friends here. i laugh here. i cry here. i smile and and scowl and dance and angst.
just a blog, but also just exactly the place i need.
no one will take it away from me.
and when you're done with this blog, mayo, when you sense that it is at the end of it's natural span, i'll have it still.
it's in my heart now.
my time is almost up, once again. today i was thinking about what i wanted to say to you tonight, and i was going to share with you all the lovely sights of spring that have been dazzling me lately.
but the welcome i found here made me forget what i was going to write.
you are a very good man, mayo.
take care of yourself, and look for spring, ok?
until next time.
Till next time, TJ. Get that damn computer fixed, damn! ^_^
You know what's annoying?
When you have hiccups, and the only helpful thing someone else can manage to do, is to sit on the couch and say "Stop It!" every time you hiccup.
-A
Yes, Ergo, you suffer terribly. On one hand you try to help, but realize you cannot, and it is really up to them to stop.
And watching them destroy themselves is very painful.
http://www.okcupid.com/profile?u=AlohaHulaGirl
LOL! Look who is looking for DATING PARTNERS.
What's the matter Kap I thought you didn't want to go out with anybody? Can't find any one that will date you OVERLY ANNOYING and obnoxious self!!! Good luck HOMESLICE.
Hiya Teej, Bye Teej!
I hope you come back for real soon.
-A
11:07, that's a bit too stalkerish!
11:07, What is your damage?
bye TJ! Take care!!
♥
anon if that is a personal thing I think it's rude of you to post it.
I didn't look as It would be none of my business
amy - or keep saing "boo" really obviously
anon sounds like you know from experience, it would be terrible, I have been lucky not to have had to do that thus far.
Night TJ.
Amyranth, hello there!
Mustard, I just missed the turn of the century damnit.
can't. catch. breath. Laughing. too. hard. I love you stalkery anon
I found it on accident and it is too funny to not post.
hi anima!
mustard elena etc from page ago you still about?
MJ Misst been about today?
Hahahaa. It's not stalkery , Kapunua is ALL OVER THE INTERNET. I swear she is everywhere. Does she do nothing else.
Hey Ergo
Just got back. What's up?
Mayo,
How are you tonight? Are you okay? I haven't asked you that in what feels like a long time. There must be a reason for it. So, are you? Me? I had a pretty nice day. Work wasn't too bad. Just really busy.
Notice how I dodged my own question there? I totally shaked and baked my way out of telling you how I am. Well, if I am going to ask you if you're okay then I should be able to do the same for you.
The truth is...I am missing...a few key pieces to my heart, a few answers that I can't seem to find, a purpose for myself, a feeling of self love, and most of all, I am missing someone who is very special to me.
I am incomplete, but I'm always searching.
Feel me?
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. I wonder and wander.
Hallo Anima! How's it going?
So Anon, are you going to show us YOUR profile on okcupid.com?
Didn't think so.
-A
besides her dildo?
Hiya Ergo!
....
Anons, I believe everything on the internet is fair game, but to act the way you are is extremely disturbing and upsetting.
Don't be stupid, she is the one who put it out there.
not much elena trying to do some housework before I head out again in about an hour, this week has just been stupidly busy! I have no time at home!!
Hows Jake today?eaten any furniture/clothing/kitchenware etc?
"shaked and baked my way out"....
Solly, I ♥ you.
Anima,
I ♥ you too!
Thanks for sitting with me tonight.
Yup, it's fair game. And I'm not sure I see what the problem is? I have a MySpace, too. And a Livejournal. So do lots of people. What's the problem with that?
Mayo, I hate to ask you to do this, but could you delete that anon post with the link?
That would be really awesome of you.
Solly, I wish I could be there for you more. You are lovely, don't ever forget it.
Ergo,
Jake just enjoyed carrying around my cell phone until I cornered him and got it back.
Now it's covered with dog slime.
Anima, how dare you bring Mayo into this? You shouldn't involve him in this, it has nothing to do with him!
Don't sweat it, Anima. I'm not. Te page is public and there's no way to make it private, so. It's not like I'm admitting to being a terrorist on there or anything. It's just a page like any other. Besides, I look cute in those pics, don't you think*? ;D
*Just kidding
Other anons, even though you dislike her, that's pathetic.
Oh so it's alright to ask Mayo to do something for Kapu but when people ask him to do something for the OPS it's wrong. I see it now. It's all very clear, trust me.
was he planning on calling someone elena?
probly happy now mayo will see it
You look like someone trying to get a date and not getting one. All this talk about you not needing anyone is just talk because you can't GET somene.
Hello? You just checking into the crystal?
Ergo
He was probably ordering a pizza.
I can ask Mayo if I want to. Oh wait, I already did.
anons please could you just leave it?
I'm just gonna go ahead and make it private for a while until the wackjobs go far far away, so don't worry about it. ^_^
haha he orders a paper napkin and rubbish pizza with a side of action figures!
anon what crystal?
"but when people ask him to do something for the OPS it's wrong."
Wait, what? You are are making no sense to me.
Hey Elena!
Elena, I used to know a dog that would lick anything metal. This dog would literally lick the doorframe of the screen door because it was metal.
So it's not that odd, I have a cat that loves to groom plastic bags.
-A
Drip drop drip drop drop drop drop
But here there is no water
But we all want to follow Kapu's rules. She said you can't ask Mayo to get involved in these matters.
Please, anon tell me there is something uplifting in that crystal ball.
Mayo:
First and foremost, I'd like to apologize again for this, all of this. I wish it could be taken care of elsewhere, but directing people doesn't always work, and it always seems to originate here.
Secondly, I thought about you guys today, all of you, like that Anonymous asked us to do one time. It was just the right time to do it. Maybe it mattered, maybe it didn't.
And sometimes I'm not sure if any of this ever matters. I've thought about this often, and what I'd do to drag myself away from here when I need to, what would happen to my head, if it would all go back to the way it was. I avoid it at all possible costs, but I don't know anymore.
So, don't be like me. Know stuff. Know a little bit about everything, because in the long run, we need things to fall back on.
Goodnight.
SS:
One question: Were your ears burning tonight? ;) Later, buddy. Stay safe.
BBers:
This is my formal goodnight. I may be back because I'm not sure if I'll be able to sleep, but in the event that I can, I wanted to wish you all a good one.
See you all tomorrow for sure.
♥
Who is the third who always walks beside you?
^___^
GAHH, I screwed it up trying to go from memory. Wait. ^_^
Who is the third who walks always beside you?
When I count, there are only you and I together
But when I look ahead, up the white road
There is always another one walking beside you,
Gliding wrapt in a brown mantle, hooded
I do not know whether a man or a woman
--But who is that on the other side of you?
Goodnight, Splashtacular. :)
When I count, there are only you and I together
Ergo you know Jake well.
He's still chewing on the Cowardly Lion.
Turn in the door once and turn once only
We think of the key, each in his prison
Thinking of the key, each confirms his prison
Only at nightfall, aethereal rumors
Kapunua, good idea.
I think it is silly for people to bring in crap that only stirs more crap. Keep it in this blogger. That is all I ask. Bringing up personal information just to be cruel is disgusting to me. I'm sure Mayo will agree.
amyranth you know you shouldn't park your car near horses especially (and some cows) as they will lick it and can take paint off!
It's for the salty road grime that they have on them.
Datta:
what have we given?
My friend, blood shaking my heart
The awful daring of a moment's surrender
Which an age of prudence can never retract,
By this, and this only, we have existed,
Which is not to be found in our obituaries
Or in memories draped by the beneficent spider
Or under seals broken by the lean solicitor
In our empty rooms.
Hello Mayo, SS, Ergo, Elena, Amy, other creatures of the night, anons....everyone!
How are you all tonight? I had another emotionally draining afternoon/evening.
Well, I see I did not get permission to repost the e-mail.
I am not surprised by that at all.
I am a woman of my word. I will not post another's words without their permission......
Hopefully, these anons will stop with the character assassination, verbal abuse and internet bullying of OP J & L.
Let THAT poor horse rest in peace, please!
Ergo: Thank you for your words regarding my neighbor. Yes, she had been sick for quite awhile. She had rheumatoid arthritis for about 10 years and last year she had a major stroke. She refused to go to physical therapy after the initial 6 weeks in re-hab, so she was dependent on a wheelchair.
It was very sad....
BC: sorry to hear you're not feeling well, sweetcheeks! I hope you feel better soon.
TJ: GREAT to see you! I can't wait to read the next chapter of the gothic.
Where's Martha and Miranth?
Hugs and Love,
~Namaste~
6/Wendy
Ergo, I honestly didn't know that.
However, I don't drive either, so for me it would be "Don't take transit to the farm, for the love of God!".
-A
Thanks, Anima. :D I'm not too worried. I'm sure that most people know where I work and train anyway, so what's one web page? My MySpace is public and so is my journal. I don't make too big a secret of it because people are easy enough to find anyway. And honestly, no one really gives me a problem.
Err, that, and I can kill a man with two fingers. ^_~
She turns and looks a moment in the glass,
Hardly aware of her departed lover;
Mustard, you are amazing. Thank you.
squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said
both my parents taught me about good will
and I have done well by their names
just the kindness I've lavished on strangers
is more than I can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so I would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
til I'd passed and left them alone
and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back
I'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way
no, I will never be a saint
but I will always say
squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said
Amy
Jake likes wood, metal, plastic....
Hey Anima
Excited about the concert?
Elena said...
Ergo you know Jake well.
He's still chewing on the Cowardly Lion.
========================
Oh noooo..........that does not sound very appetizing, Elena!
Amy better watch her King Lear
;-)
Her brain allows one half-formed thought to pass:
"Well now that's done, and I'm glad it's over."
When lovely woman stoops to folly and
Paces about her room again, alone,
She smoothes her hair with automatic hand,
And puts a record on the gramophone.
My favorite lines. Almost. ^_^
Thank you, Poetry Anon, so much. You're like a knight/dame* in shining armor.
*Or a woman could be a knight too? I'm not sure the terminology.
hey Wendy!
did the trip to find a casket go ok?
amyranth horses are terrible for that,a friends farm ute is down to metal on the bonnet, people worry about bulls but really almost all bulls ignore you, a mean horse will be out to hurt you
*snatches Lear from the chair by the fireplace, and looks around nervously.*
My Lear. No Touchie.
-A
Ergo: It went as well as something like that can go.
I always hate walking through that room of caskets....
How was your day? Did tutoring go well?
Amyranth said...
*snatches Lear from the chair by the fireplace, and looks around nervously.*
My Lear. No Touchie.
-A
===========================
DARN!!! hehe
A protective mom, I see. I knew you would be!
Watch out for that big golden boy running right to you! ;-)
Wendy
Where you been woman?
Hey everyone.
O_O
Thanks Wendy. I have this picture in my mind of a giant naked man now.
-A
Now you've got me reading it again Anon, and going through it line by line and remembering again how much I love it. Thank you. :D
He's still chewing on the Cowardly Lion.
Run Tin Man RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!
"We're off to see the gizzards the wonderful gizzard of jake
we hear he is a bit of a dog
with very unusual tastes
with very unusual tastes he has
the gizzard of jake is home because
because because because because becaaaaaaause
because of all of the things things he eats...
We're off to see the gizzard
the wonderful gizzard of Jake!!!!
Elenaaaaa!!!!!
Life has been interring with my blog time, but;
I am here now, love; I am here!
GREAT to finally catch up to you ladies again.
How are you? How's the family?
I hear Jake's well feed ;-)
*meant interferring* :P
Hi everyone!
HI Wendy, FASC, elena, BC, amy, ergo, and k. and Siobhan - Roarrrr!
Sorry I haven't been here. My PC died and I just got the laptop connected to the wireless. I won't post further until I catch up, but I wanted to respond for those who were wondering what happened. I see I missed a lot...
I hope all of you are doing well!!
Take care :)
wendy I know what you mean but as long as the director was symapthetic and helpful and it can be organised smoothly it is as easy an experience as it can be.
it was nice of you to go with her
Hi BC hi miranth!
Oh Ergo
Jake thanks you for the song.
We need to get this recorded.
wendy that is a very freudian slip considering your day!
Kapu stop talking to yourself and pretending it is Mayo please. It is annoying to the rest of us. And enough with the poems already for fuck sakes! So you got slammed just cope with it and stop playing games and posting to yourself. EVERYONE knows you are writing poems to yourself, what are you trying to prove?
I keep going round and round on the same old circuit
A wire travels underground to a vacant lot
Where something I can't see interrupts the current
And shrinks the picture down to a tiny dot
And from behind the screen it can look so perfect
But it's not
So here I'm sitting in my car at the same old stop light
I keep waiting for a change but I don't know what
So red turns into green turning into yellow
But I'm just frozen here on the same old spot
And all I have to do is to press the pedal
But I'm not
People are tricky you can't afford to show
Anything risky anything they don't know
The moment you try - well kiss it goodbye
So baby kiss me like a drug, like a respirator
And let me fall into the dream of the astronaut
Where I get lost in space that goes on forever
And you make all the rest just an afterthought
And I believe it's you who could make it better
Though it's not
No it's not...
No it's not...
BC!!!!! Are you feeling better?
*pounce tackle hugs and smooches*
*for everyone*
*knew I forgot to do something*
Amy: Now you have me picturing a GOLDEN (GOD).....He's beautiful!
Ergo: I don't want to see Jake's gizzard! YUK. Poor Jake!
*goes back to picturing Amy's Golden God*
give him a pat from me as you sing it for him
*hello jake*
*ruffles his ears*
Yes Wendy
Jake is well feed. He really enjoys my collectables.
Hey miranth
Sheez, that was silly of me. You were saying you had to go. Sorry. ^_^
Mean anon, I hardly need an excuse to post poetry. Nor have I ever implied that (or cared if) any anon was Mayo. If an anon is nice to me or engaging, I will talk with her or him. That's about it.
You should find something nice to read, you anons. Honestly!
Hi Ergo, Wendy, Miranth, everyone else.
Wendy, between various bouts of nausea and stomach aches, I'm doing better now than a couple of hours ago. Thank you for the concern *runs and smothers with tons of sloppy kisses and hugs*
Amy: Now you have me picturing a GOLDEN (GOD).....He's beautiful!
OM NOM NOM.
-A
ergoproxy said...
wendy that is a very freudian slip considering your day!
========================
It was, wasn't it Ergo.
I should have said life and death.
But, death is a part of life.
All living things die, eventually
*sigh*
Heck, I think the reason the wanted me to go with them is because I know the funeral director so well :/
He shook hands with Ms. Kitty's daughters and gave me a big ol' hug.
Well, at least he didn't say "It's so good to see you again, Wendy"
That might have been kind of tacky!
I looked that song up; it's Aimee Mann. She used to be in Till Tuesday. It's cool that she's still working.
"Hey Anima
Excited about the concert?"
Hell yes!!! I'm so excited to meet you too! I'm getting a tour of your bookstore right? I need to send you my hotel info; and we probably should exchange numbers and such very soon.
*stamps foot at ignoring of cool song lyrics*
oh wait, takes it back.
Hi Miranth! Where have you been?
We were getting worried.
Elena said...
Yes Wendy
Jake is well feed. He really enjoys my collectables.
```````````````
Remind me to keep Jake away from my wolf colletables when he comes for his date with SandyAnn!
gosh BC I didn't realise you were so sick! I hope it gets better soon, poor thing!
Wendy that is rather a strange mental image, and yes, best he didn't say that!
*points to reference of Aimee Mann lyrics*
:)
hey BC
Sorry to hear you're feeling bad
Anonymous said...
*stamps foot at ignoring of cool song lyrics*
````````````````````````````
*goes in search of song lyrics so foot stomping doesn't hurt herself*
anon did you post that yesterday but with 32 instead of thirty two?
(or some time ago anyway I saw it before somewhere)
Kapunua you are in hostile territory it seems.
If it's not her posting poems to herself it's obviously one of her friends anyway. There's no difference.
*yawns and almost drops King Lear*
I think I'm going to head'er guys. I gotta work tomorrow morning! Weird.
*tucks Lear securely in her arm*
Goodnight Lovelies! Goodnight Mayo!
*eyes the Giant Golden Man standing next to her expectantly*
Weird.
*takes off running down the hall*
-A
Wendy
Jake promises to be on his best behavior for the date.
(Hide you wolf collectables)
quick grab a pointed stick!
Bleeding Chaos said...
Wendy, between various bouts of nausea and stomach aches, I'm doing better now than a couple of hours ago. Thank you for the concern *runs and smothers with tons of sloppy kisses and hugs*
`````````````````````
Oh no! GERMS!!!
Just kidding BC, come here and give me more sloppy kisses and hugs. :D
Anima: You're going to Kansas?
No fair. I want a tour of Elena's book store *pout*
12:04, eh. I'm good. ^_^
earlier tonight ergo but then all hell broke loose so it got lost.
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