Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Out of context.

I smile when I am nervous. It is an uncontrollable reflex. The fight-or-flight response or my somatic nervous system responding to what I deem invasive. I try to cover up this tic, but by looking away that smirk rats me out. My reply discredited. I can be sold out in a twitch.

A friend suggested that the reason I am often misunderstood could be found in my aloof manner. The way I seem to pay closer attention to a hangnail or dry cuticles than expeditious lips or explicative eyes. It could be presumed that I am not listening. I explained to my friend that this distraction is the reason I can hear.

The corrective measures we employ to keep the world at bay often betray us. We all have our quirks or sharp edges. Our mechanical walls shield us from intrusion, but we are still left feeling the stick, hopeful that the slip remains undetected. And you are right; there is always more to it than the bright lights and poor judgment...set the dial to allow just enough to filter past to maintain focus. Does this mean we are blind? No, but sometimes we are caught off guard. And I do not presume this of anyone…other than myself, of course.

Ghost, thank you.


p.s. the wrong falsehood has been assumed although either way it was a good start.

2,086 comments:

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Anonymous said...

Well, I'm not sure if you want a response from anyone else but Mayo and SS, and I'll erase my comment if you don't want my input.


When Fimble asked Mayo her question, both of them, including SS, gave her their best explanation. They were very different answers and came from two very different points of view. Each of them I respect.

Mayo and SS have defended us. The only other step Mayo could take would be to stop Anonymous commenting. Will he do that? No, probably not because he won't want people left out.

SS has defended us on countless occasions, but words can only travel so far. We only have words here, and when they don't help, they just don't. But, that doesn't stop them both from trying.

They gave us all the comfort they could afford at the time. And it was a good comfort to have those words tucked away for further use.

It makes me sick to see what happens here and the words that get thrown around. It hurts me to know they hurt the people that get attacked.

I would be willing to bet that they hurt Mayo and SS as well.

We can only do so much and they can only do so much.

I'm not "gutting" you. I'm just sharing my viewpoint on the situation. I'll erase it if you want me to.

Bellatrix said...

Hello mustard!

How've you been?

See you later, Martha!

Anonymous said...

So, laughing at the song won't make me totally oblivious to the feeling in the lyrics.

I mean, come on! "King of blubber?"

WTH? ;)

Anonymous said...

Crazy meffer sounds like John Travolta circa GREASE. ;)

Anonymous said...

Mustard, I just wonder where the song came from. Like was it wrote about somebody? Or was it just a joke?

Still, the giggling made me giggle.

Anonymous said...

MAYO! What the hell, dude? What exactly do you do all day?

Just wondering.

Alright, I'm about to leave this friggin' place. My office I mean. Not here. Well, anyway.

Toodles for now!

Love ya!

XOXO,
S&V20

Original Punk J said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
capture this void said...

Mayo, I do something a little different. I smile when I am hurt. I've been doing it ever since I can remember.

I don't open up to many people. I've always had difficulty with trust. I don't like the idea of someone seeing that vulnerable side to me. That's something really personal. So what do I do? I cover everything up with a smile. I wear a mask everyday.

Why do I do this? Maybe I don't want anyone to see that I'm upset. Maybe it's just easier for everyone. Maybe I think putting a false smile on my face will somehow morph into a genuine one. Sad thing is, it doesn't work. In fact, it makes you feel worse. I know this firsthand.

I explained to my friend that this distraction is the reason I can hear.

You have no idea how much I understand that. No idea.

capture this void said...

Mustard, Bella, L. I hope you're doing well?

L., I'll e-mail you back soon. Promise.

Magic Pie said...

Kass, I completely agree. I mean, yes Noel writes a lot of songs with the same chord progressions but you know how hard it is to always write good music with the same chords? It's damn hard and he does it so well! lol

Magic Pie said...

anon616, I LOVE In Joy and Sorrw. I actually want it to be my wedding song because it fits really well with what marriage is like. At least I think it is.

capture this void said...

Magic Pie!

*glomp*

sdock10 said...

*Solly blows in, twirls, waves, winks, and blows kiss to Mayo*

Hello ALL!

How is everyone doing today?

Fimble Star said...

well it sure is dead in here tonight!

where is everyone?

Anonymous said...

*runs in, gives Solly a big slobbery kiss.*

Hey guys, work is almost over!

I will see you all in a few.

sdock10 said...

Hey Fimble!

Hey Anima!

Anima, I needed that kiss. Thank you!

What can we do in here to liven the place up?

Mayo, do you have any suggestions? Any games we could play?

Anonymous said...

Oh and here are few kisses for Magic Pie, CTV, and Fimble, and anyone else I missed.

*SMOOCHES*

See ya!

Anonymous said...

Hey everyone :)

Sorry I bailed. I didn't think anyone was here.

Fimble Star said...

you big whore anima, i will take one of those kisses hahahaha

sd10, it has been dead all day hasnt it. its madness.we are getting the storms now, how is the weather in georgia

Fimble Star said...

yeh right mustard, you was just cezy bizzy wasnt you tuh tuh tuh.

ok i was thinking of this today so i will ask you all.

what do you think or want to be doing in ten years time?

sister midnite said...

*meep?*

Hi, everybodies!

Been a while since I've been here... I've missed the last two posts. >.< Catch-up is gonna be painful!!

As our froggy-friend says, I've been crazy bizzy with work & my sucky-ass life. And my puter @ home got hit with a whack of viruses, which I haven't had time to fully find & get rid of yet. Jappy jappy hoy hoy -- NOT! (Thank the gods for laptops!)

Secrets again, huh?
Mine are all sad ones, it's prolly good I missed out on that one. I don't have enough time to cry these days.

My little idiosyncrasy -- one of them, anyway -- is playing with my hair when I'm nervous. And I have, like, a lot of it. Srsly. I can't even begin to describe the strange looks you get when somebody's talking to you, and you're trying to extricate yourself from the knots you've made in your own hair.

I can also relate to Princess S&V20 and CTV's comments... I laugh at inappropriate times, and I live behind a mask, as well. I'm a loaner by nature, with severe trust issues. Sometimes I think that my Blog-Believe brethren know the 'real' me better than my real-life friends & co-workers.

Hi Mayo, it's nice to be back in your castle! Your post really got me thinking, and that's not all that easy to do some days. ;) So thank you.

So how's everybody been?
Anything happen I should ask to be warned about?

Anonymous said...

In ten years time:


I want to have my ass firmly planted in this art. I want to be in the hub of a downtown city, on a noisy, crowded street. I want to give back what it's given me.

I want to be doing what I love.

sdock10 said...

Fimble,

I just hope I am happy and fulfilled in 10 years time. I would love to be with someone that I love and that loves me and doing something I love.

Weather is perfect here! Slightly chilly but sunshiney.

Hey ya Mustard!

What ya doing?

Fimble Star said...

hey sister, i am seeing you everywhere. are you stalking me?

i am well just the usual blah blah blah hahahaha. there is no one about. it is scary quiet

Anonymous said...

Hey Mayo, check this out:

mischief managed said...
You are such a kind soul, Katherine. I hope you never lose that or become disillusioned. I admire and am in awe of your ability to express yourself so freely and honestly. You are absolutely fearless, it seems.


My whispered opinion of Mayo is:

He knows who they think he is (whether they deny it or not) and he plays it up as much as possible. He takes advantage of those women and their overwhelming need to be helpful. I think he is completely disingenuous.

What is your opinion of him?

February 7, 2008 10:35 AM
Gentle Vengeance said...
I partly agree with you.

He most definitely gets a sadistic power trip/glee from all of this or else he would have ended this months ago.

I mean, really? Do you know of any people who are relatively sane and healthy (I know, subjective) that would drag this out for five months with no end in sight? When it hit month three, I was utterly astounded.

However, I don't think of him as a completely malicious being.

To be honest, I think of him as pathetic. Not in the insulting way, but in the traditional use of the word.

A sad, lonely man desperate for a sense of importance and approval because he has not yet learned to love himself.

He probably doesn't even think himself capable of the act.

February 7, 2008 10:43 AM
Gentle Vengeance said...
However, I must credit him with a few things, though they are not exactly being used for good.

The man has patience and focus. To keep this going, posting some new cryptic blog every 1-4 days. To be honest, if I was having a harmless power-trippy kinda moment and wanted to do this, I would lose interest after about three weeks, if I lasted that long.

He also knows his shit and does meticulous amounts of research, observation on the person he's pretending to be. It's extraordinary and, I'll admit, impressive how skillfully he keeps track of Poor Gerard and manages to integrate elements of Mr. Way into poems that I do believe hold some kernel of truth for Mayo's life.

For instance, the green plastered walls comment, a reference to the fact that Gerard let slip his apartment with his ex was painted green.

This new one with the looking at the nails and so forth, a direct catalog of things that Gerard does in interviews constantly, particularly recent ones.

To be honest, my keeping up with every interview they do has lagged the past few months. But after reading that, I went and looked up some recent stuff. Sure enough, Gerard's looking at his nails, looking at the floor, awkwardly smiling.
I almost bow to his determination, but it's so creepy simultaneously.

February 7, 2008 10:51 AM
mischief managed said...
I suppose you are more optimistic than I, because I see him as very malicious.

However, you make a great point that it is someone who is obviously not happy with himself, so he finds solace in becoming someone whom he thinks is important.

I think looking at him in this way, makes me dislike him less.

I feel most sympathy for those that believe he is Gerard.

What is your opinion of SS?

February 7, 2008 11:07 AM
Gentle Vengeance said...
SS is certainly an interesting ingredient to the insanity.
(ah, alliteration!)

A) I don't think Mayo has any idea who SS is. I don't think a single post of his has been directed at SS.

B) I did a little research and there was a Shitshobou Shita that had been a member of INO.net for about a year. Supposedly a female that (when I looked it up) was 15 years old. However, I seriously doubt this person is a young teenager. I'm not prejudiced against teenagers. Age has nothing to do with talent or maturity. But yeah- no.

Is SS an actual part of the band? I seriously doubt it. I think SS is a kind soul who saw people freaking out over this Mayo guy and shook their head, wanted to bring some frivolity to the mix.

However, there is also the point that this person also has not taken the time to assure anyone that they aren't Frank Iero.

February 7, 2008 11:48 AM
mischief managed said...
I like your theory on SS. Though, I can not trust him or fully like him because I also believe he could have/should have squashed any speculation about his identity.

February 7, 2008 1:19 PM



I figured you would want to know what some of them think of you.

Original Punk J said...

Sis Midnite,

Good to see you, hope you are ok.

Has ANYONE heard from Shame In Me? We left a couple of notes on her blog and e-mailed her, but nothing. We are really worried about her.

Love,
L.

sdock10 said...

Nikki Boots!

I have missed you! We should all hang here in Mayo and have a good ol time.

We need more good times!

Fimble Star said...

ohhh mustard that sounds good, is it art as in pictures or are you talking about music cos i know you are into your music like whoa.

sd10, i am sure you will find that someone, i think the best way is to act on now and get started to you get me.

well in ten years time i would like to be independant but have someoen who likes me for me. i would also like to be happy with my life. thats the most impoirtant thing.

Anonymous said...

Hey Sister M :)


I thought about this post all day. I was fully aware of my actions today. I made myself aware so I could see what I do.

I smile at people when they look at me. And I don't know why.

I walk with my head downward, looking at my feet, at the ground. When someone passes, I don't look up.

I pretend like I care when I really don't.

But, that's not really me. I don't think. Really I don't know. I'm not sure anymore.

sdock10 said...

Anon,

That's real nice how you go to someone's private blog and post that stuff here.

A private conversation between 2 people that has nothing to do with you.

Way to go!

Everyone is entitled to their opinions.


OP L,

Hi,

I haven't heard from SIM since she emailed me on Sunday. I hope she is okay. She went through a horrible experience.

sdock10 said...

Mustard,

I hardly ever make eye contact. I always walk with my head down. I don't look at people as they pass by. I try not to notice them so they won't notice me.

Fimble Star said...

hey L, how are you.

sim i havnt heard of but i see her sign on but then disappears so i know she is out there. i miss her.

sim if you read this email me burnley bird ok. wanna speak to you about the veggies

MissTottenham said...

Hi mayo, how are you sweetie? I shall give you some yorkshire words of encouragement, chin up love, don't fret it.



Hi everyone, how are you?






DG has asked me to tell you about something that has been going on in her life.


Last week, DG's dad died. He was an alcoholic but the brain haemorrhage he suffered was unexpected. He died in the hospital peacefully with all his family around him. DG is at her mum's place which is why she is not on the internet. The events of his death is going to involve an inquest sometime in the future. The cremation will take place at 10:30am tomorrow and DG will be staying at her mum's for the foreseeable future.


DG asked me to put a poem on her blog for her so if anyone wants to leave their condolences, please feel free.

Fimble Star said...

OMG sd10, you just totally said what i do. madness, i try and smile at people to let on but i am affraid they will look at me like i am weird so i put me head down and walk on by.

bloody paranoia i tell you.
fuck it

Original Punk J said...

Sock,

We are really worried because when she left the blog she was REALLY upset about the anon who basically told her she made the whole thing up.

And since she doesn't seem to have contacted anyone, it is even more upsetting.

We have some Sisters missing in action, and we have been trying to get ahold of them. We got the e-mail from Miss T. about DG, but no one seems to have heard from SIM.

L.

Fimble Star said...

miss t, please tell dg that i am thinking of her and her family as well

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello all.

Anon what is your point. GV has posted on here before wondering at what Mayo's intentions are. I think Mayo and SS already know that not everyone trust them this is the Internet after all.

so stop trying to start shit. It is silly and very sad.

sdock10 said...

L,

I will try and email her again.

SIM, if you lurk about, please let us know that you are okay. We are all worried about you. Please.

Original Punk J said...

Fimble,

In light of some of our Family's problems, we are fine.

Miss T.,

Speak of and you are there!
We left a comment for DG on her blog.

Love,
L.

sdock10 said...

Hey MJ!

How are you today?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Miss t will you tell DG that I miss her and that I am sorry for her loss.


Sim if you are lurking please let us know you are alright.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello sd10 I'm well how about you?

sdock10 said...

Pretty good, Martha.

Just trying like hell to get the house in order and supper on the table before my Dude comes home.

I sure as hell don't want to get bitched at tonight.

MissTottenham said...

Hi everyone. I will pass on all your well wishes to DG.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Well than make soup SD10 that way if he bitches you can throw hot soup in his face.

Maybe a good whack upside the head with a rolling pin will do the job.

Anonymous said...

secret time!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello miss t and J&L

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Go for it anon.

MissTottenham said...

Hi Mj sweetie.

sdock10 said...

Yeah, Martha...I am cooking some beans. It's kind of like soup. It might do the trick.

He threatened me this week that if I didn't go see a doctor about my cough then I could pack my shit and move out.

Seems he was missing some important stuff on television every time I coughed. It was aggravating him. Um ok.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

At first because he wanted you to go to the Doctor. But now I want to hit him over the head with a heated frying pan.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

So I'm watching a special on motor homes. the ones with sliding walls that give you more room. this has me wondering is there a shower in MCR's tour bus. I mean what do they have on that thing. they spend most of their lives on there.

MissTottenham said...

Can I just say that Dg has been in touch and I have passed on all your love to her.

She is very grateful guys.

sdock10 said...

Martha,

I might be homeless before the weekend is up. He told me last night to pack my shit because I hadn't made the appointment.


Come on Anon...spill the secret.

sdock10 said...

MJ,

Surely there is. Some just probably don't use it as much as they could.

Does the Anon want us to spill more secrets?

Fuck, I need to hurry and write my note to Mayo before I have eyes burning holes in my skin. I hate being under this kind of pressure.

Anonymous said...

Sdock,

You have a home here if that happens.

I'm pretty sure Smoke's not gonna be letting it get that far.

I hope you're getting better though.

anima said...

MissT, please more love to DG. Thank you for letting us all know. You are a very special friend.

Heck I missed secret time last night. I'm not sure if I should play. Hmmmm.

Btw, hey everyone!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Can you stay with S&V if it comes to that?


I don't want you out on the street sick.

And who will you be sending to kick his ass if you are put out?

resurrected wreck said...

RW@7.56pm Feb5
That's a beautiful dress Ressy, but, *whispers*, I think it may make your butt look a bit big.


I have no butt to speak of, PP, so it could only be an improvement!\

Besides, it could come in useful. I could use it as a drinks tray :)

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello anima.


Well Sd you can always burn a whole in something of his when he is asleep. Or you could superglue a body part to his leg.

anima said...

*send*

Sdock, here's another slobbery kiss. I even brushed my teeth when I got home so I'm extra minty. ;)

sdock10 said...

Yeah, of course I could stay with her, but then I'd have to kill Mr. Jackass, her husband.

It would never work. I'd figure something out.

Oh and who would I send to kick my Dude's ass? Princess Smoke of course and as a backup plan...my Pretty Purple Unicorn is on standby!!


Spill Anima! Spill Anima!

Hi RW!

Original Punk J said...

Sock,

Get rid of the dude and get a bunny. Logan thumps the floor of his cage if we cough or sneeze, but we can ignore him and hey, he's in a cage.

Maybe you can just put your guy in a cage. With a TV.

L.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello rw

sdock10 said...

Anima,

That was nice, minty, tingly, and oh so hot!

sdock10 said...

Guys,

He even called my MOTHER and told her to make me an appointment or I could pack my shit and move back in with her.

TRUE FUCKING STORY!

My life is so much better than fiction...or worse.

Yeah, probably worse.


Mayo, Are you getting all this?

resurrected wreck said...

Hullo, Sdock!

Hullo, MJ!

Hullo to everyone!! :D

Martha Smith-Jones said...

I say put him in a hole in the ground.

anima said...

Solly, how long have you been coughing?

And I'm not sure what I want to spill?

I also have on this great lipbalm that is minty. It's very delicious.

Hey Martha, L, RW, Mustard, secret anon, Mayo, SS, and lurkers.

Anonymous said...

Miss Lonelyhearts.

So desperate for her imaginary lover that she sits him a plate at the dinner table and feigns their ensuing chat.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

He just keeps getting better and better.

resurrected wreck said...

Hello there, Anima :D

Sdock, are you still feeling ill? is the man being a jerk? :(

MissTottenham said...

Hi Anima sweetie, of course I will.


Sdock, get your passport and come and live with me. We will say bugger to everything and go and travel round the world.







Anon and secrets, my secret is that I hate myself and can't understand how anyone could love me. I guess that's why no guy ever really has.

resurrected wreck said...

How old are you, Sdock, if you don't mind my asking?

anima said...

It actually kind of upsets me. Sdock, you and your sister are two of the best people I've ever met. You both deserve all that is good in life. I just don't get it.

Original Punk J said...

Miss T, I really hope you didn't mean your secret.

You are a fantastic person, and don't forget that!

SDock,
Dump his ass.

L.

Anonymous said...

Sdock:

You don't need me preaching to you or telling you what I think. You're a grown woman who is beautiful, intelligent, and has so much to offer someone.

You know what I think. I just wish you knew it, too. Someone would be so lucky to have you in their life.

And before you ask, "But, would they?"

Yes, they would.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Miss t I may not be a man but I love you.

Original Punk J said...

Agreed, Anima.

SDock and Smoke ARE wonderful people.

Socky,

This is from J. and I quote:

"Throw his motherfucking ass in the swamp. He is lucky to have you and if he can't see it, well, gator bait it is!"

Martha Smith-Jones said...

SD I agree with what Anima and Miss t said.

anima said...

I think Sdock is writing her letter to Mayo. I love her notes.

MissT, seriously she needs to move overseas and travel the world.

And that breaks my heart to hear your secret. Caz, you are so beautiful. You do deserve love and all the happiness in the world. Please try to learn to love yourself, even if it is just a little. Not everyone is in love with themselves. We all could be better. We will always be our toughest critiques. Please look inside yourself and realize how amazing you are in so many ways....and I swear you will find someone that deserves you. Love is there for you if you really want it and believe in it.

Anonymous said...

You ever wonder what will happen if you don't find it?


I do.

sdock10 said...

Mayo,

How are you tonight? Are you feeling fine? Are you happy as a little lark? I hope you are. Me? I'm good. Just the same as always. Up and down and round and round. You don't have to check your watch. It is way early for me to be talking to you, but my Dude is pretty close to home and this will be the last moment of peace and quiet I will have. So, I'm squeezing this in while I have time. Don't worry, I filled it with just as much sdock...heart, soul, passion, angst, sadness, realness, love, faith, and all the stuff you're used to getting from me.

I would never slight you.

Are you smiling? Good.

I think your latest post has caused most of us to think the day away. We have looked deep at ourselves all day long. We've thought. We've checked reflections in the mirror. And the conclusion that most of us have come to is that we're pretty much exactly the same. A group of shy, eccentric, off center, messed up, insecure individuals. We're quirky. We're full of tics. We're fakers and coveruppers. We're smilers and smirkers. Nail biters and hair twirlers. Twitchers and can't sit stillers. Sunglass wearing and no eye contact making. We are the twisted, the mangled, and the broken.

But, we see when they think we don't look. We hear when they think we aren't listening. That's because we are not busy judging and analyzing with eyes and ears. We are seeing and hearing with our hearts. We are the outcasts and we will spend our life making sure that nobody else ever has to feel that way again.

Feel me? I think you do.

Mayo, It's okay to be a smirker. You're just like us and I think that's a pretty damn good group to be a part of.

Love to YOU Always,
S

p.s. Damn fine start.

anima said...

*critics*

Fuck.

MissTottenham said...

L, MJ and Anima, thanks so much.

I know I make a good friend and I like how I am always nice to people but when it comes to a partnership, I don't know why anyone would want me, as I am single, I guess no one does.

I can't be that amazingly confident person, I can only be me. I know people must bore of me easily, I know I do.

resurrected wreck said...

You ever wonder what will happen if you don't find it?

I don't expect to, and I'm strangely okay with that. Besides, I'm hell to live with. Too used to doing things independantly & on a whim. Finding love would be a hell of a lifestyle change & I'm not sure I'd be up for that.

sdock10 said...

I have been coughing for a little while now. I think it's just allergies or something.

I would love to come live with you MissT!

You guys are so sweet. I know what I should do. But doing is so hard.


I am 33.

Anonymous said...

Damn, Sdock.


That was amazing. I'm speechless.

sdock10 said...

MissT,

I guess that's why my guy doesn't really love me either. I understand exactly what you are saying.

Guys,

He'll be home soon. If I disappear, you'll know where I am.

anima said...

"You ever wonder what will happen if you don't find it?


I do."

I did. For a very long time. But I also never settled. I definitely gave them all a shot and also took time out for myself.

And if you don't find it...You will be okay. I promise. But if you do want it, you really need to open your heart, and look around. Sometimes you even need to just go after it. That's what I did this last time. I took one of the biggest risks of my life. I could have missed it very easily, but I just did it.

Shit, am I making any sense. Sorry if I sound blabby. I've just really missed talking to you guys.

Anonymous said...

I just want to feel it one time.

That's all I want. Just to know what it feels like.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life not knowing.

resurrected wreck said...

You're still so young, Sdock. Don't let yourself get forever stuck in a lifestyle you don't love. I know it's easier said than done, but sometimes the best thing to do is chuck it all up in the air and let the pieces fall where they will & sort them into a new situation from that. I've found that to be useful (though admittedly scary at times) in my own life. Looking back, the most satisfying decisions I've made were the ones where I jumped without a safety net.

sdock10 said...

Mustard,

Thank you.

Just...thank you for everything.


All of YOU!

I love you all so much. You have no freaking idea how much you all mean to me. I wish we could really hang together like this. Imagine the fun we could have and the trouble we could get into.

resurrected wreck said...

I did. For a very long time. But I also never settled.

Same. I've always been happier alone than settling.

resurrected wreck said...

I just want to feel it one time.

That's all I want. Just to know what it feels like.

I don't want to spend the rest of my life not knowing.


I can understand that feeling.

anima said...

"I know I make a good friend and I like how I am always nice to people but when it comes to a partnership"

That's what a partnership is, and you are a nice person. And I'm sure if someone pissed you off, you would let them know about it. Partners are friends first and foremost, lovers second but absolutely necessary.

I consider myself very passive. I will let someone walk all over me. But somehow I found someone that doesn't take advantage of that trait. It's okay to be you. Don't ever change that for anything. And you are far from boring, believe me!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Well GW did say if you stop looking you find it.



I think I maybe better off without it. I'm very set in my ways and may end up killing someone who doesn't live up to my expectations.


and If you disappear sd goodnight to you.

sdock10 said...

Guys,

I gotta go. I might be back later.

Love to you ALL!

resurrected wreck said...

Bye for now, Sdock! :)

MissTottenham said...

sdock, I know that you get me sweetie.

Anonymous said...

Since it's close to Valentine's Day, and it's kinda on subject, I'll share with you a secret story.


Back when I was in high school, like, the dreaded years, the tumultuous years, and Valentine's Day came around, I always dreaded it. [Now I just don't care.]

All of these huge red, mylar balloons lined the hallways as people passed, and I smiled because I knew what they must have been feeling inside.

And I told myself that, somehow, I was going to buy long-stem flowers to put in the cracks of everyone's locker so they would have something on Valentine's Day. So they wouldn't have to feel left out.


*is now regretting having written that*

resurrected wreck said...

Well GW did say if you stop looking you find it.

Did he? But... that's almost positive (though admittedly a tad cliche). I didn't know he spoke about anything positive anymore.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Bikey where are you?

Smoke said...

Hey-ho!

Wassup?

Princess is in da castle! Yeah boy!

Mayo,

Nevermind.

SollyWolly,

I done told you to smack the shit out of him. Why?

Cuz you can. ^_^

Mr. Jackass has his ass on his shoulders tonight. Why?

Cuz he can. O_o

I really don't give a shit and I'm ignoring him. Why?

Cuz I can. ^_~

anima said...

Sdock, I have a feeling we would get in SO MUCH trouble. Or maybe we would all stand awkwardly around each other picking at our scabs and our cuticles, twirling our hair. :)

Nah, I think we would have a blast.


Martha, "I've always been happier alone than settling."

Absolutely. 100%
You gotta know what you have to give and what you need. But there is a little give and take. And the give and take has to be worth it and not a huge deal.

MissTottenham said...

Anima, you always make me feel better with your beautiful words, thank you.


See you later sdock sweetie.

Mustard, that is so lovely.

anima said...

Mustard, you are so awesome. Just know that and trust that. Fucking amazing.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

I never got anything for Valentine's Day in high school. It does suck. But my B day is on the 16th so who gives a shit.


Rw he said when he was talking about how great it was to be married. Take it how you will.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello S&V

resurrected wreck said...

I love your Valentine's Day story, Mustard :)

anima said...

I am so sorry you guys. But I need to run out for a bit.

Love you guys.

resurrected wreck said...

One of my university chums made me a "broken heart" out of red silk as a going away present when we all graduate and started moving to different parts of the country. I vowed to wear it pinned to a black shirt every Valentine's Day as a tribute to my school friendships. But, without fail, every Valentine's Day I can't find where I put the thing. It always shows up later in the year and I think a-ha! now I know where it is & I'll put it in a safe place where I'll be be sure not to lose it over the course of the year. And, wouldn't you know? every Valentine's Day it's lost again :/

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Later Anima.

So does anyone know if FireFox works on windows vista?

resurrected wreck said...

Rw he said when he was talking about how great it was to be married. Take it how you will.

It will be interesting, MJ, to see if he's still saying it this time next year.

Have a good night, Anima! :D

Smoke said...

Would you believe that I never got anything for Valentine's Day when I was in high school?

Never.

Not even a damn carnation. >.<

WTF?

Now, I don't get anything because after being together over fourteen years and married for twelve...

It's like who cares?

sister midnite said...

Take care, y'all.
Bye!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Isn't that how it always is Rw with something that means a lot to you.

And I wonder the same the same thing as well RW. Will it still be shiny and new. Or will the pain of the truck called love finally hit him.

Original Punk J said...

Guys, this is part of a post J. wrote on our blog not long ago. It actually goes quite well with what we have been talking about tonight.

Love,
L.


Over the years, even as recently as today, various people have asked me, "Are you married?" I've always said "No," of course, which invariably leads to, "Why not? You're so (insert appropriate adjective here) ." I've either answered, "Because I don't want to be married right now," or "I haven't met a man I could put up with for that long," or "Nobody's asked me." At this point, the questioner usually gives me a look of either incredulousness or disdain, depending on their gender, age, or own marital status.

As I've grown older, though, I've realized that being married would be...good. Not an enthusiastic endorsement, I know, but "good" encompasses a lot of ground in my estimation. (Did you like all the "e" words? Completely unintentional, believe it or not.) I mean, everyone has their reasons for being part of a couple, but for me, marriage would have to be an equal partnership.

None of that "I'm the man, you're the little woman, you have to stay home, keep house, have my kids, have no life except being Mrs. Me, doing what I tell you to do, voicing no opinions," blah de blah de blah. I've always said that if I do marry someone, he's going to have to be more special than anyone else I've met. He will have to be a man who's secure in himself, who doesn't feel threatened by a strong woman. He will have to be extremely intelligent; funny as fuck; laid-back; well-read; an animal lover; a music lover. He will have to be kind, gentle yet strong in character, just jealous enough to stand up for me, supportive. He's going to have to "get" me. He's going to know. and be. what turns me on, both sexually and intellectually.

As for looks, I don't go for conventionally good-looking men. I admit to having a "type" that I'm drawn to most often, and those of you who've read my "About Me" list at the Big House know what that is. Physical attractiveness, in my book, is based on whatever you find attractive about that person, not necessarily their appearance. Who I think is good-looking may not appeal to someone else, but they do to me because they have "it", that thing that just flat does it for me. I can't explain it, but y'all probably know what I mean. And if the personality is good, then the face and body are good.

Before you say anything, I know you can't get every quality that you want in the person that you meet. But you need to make sure that they have MOST of those in order to be compatible and to want to be with them the rest of your life. Too many people settle, I've talked about that before.

I don't want to settle. I don't have to settle. That's where I feel I have an advantage over some people: I'm not afraid to be alone. I like to be alone. I've done it before. And I don't base my worth on whether I'm single or married. I like myself as myself, by myself or with someone. The man I marry will have to be the same.

If I met the right man tomorrow, and he asked me, I would marry him. Regardless of whatever else was going on in my life. See, I think that if you find THE person you're supposed to be with, you'll know it. It won't matter how long you've known them, where they live, how old they are, race, religion, political affiliation, "class", financial status. Whatever the odds, when you meet that person, your soulmate, the two of you will be together eventually. Nothing can deter that. I believe that with all my heart, and if that makes me a hopeless romantic (or maybe you call it stupid), then so be it. I've seen it happen too many times not to believe.

I still believe for myself. My soulmate's out there. I can feel him.

We just gotta connect.

I wonder...

Can he feel me too?

I'll wait and find out.

J

resurrected wreck said...

Bye, Sis M! :D

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Bye sis m

Smoke said...

Sister Midnite?

I get here and you leave me?

:(

I'm sad now.

Anonymous said...

Hello guys! Ahh, finally at home. Almost time to take on some more zombies.

First of all, DG, I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I'm so sorry.

J., I would like to answer you here too if you don't mind.

Nah, I wasn't disheartened. I thought it was really super the way S(S)S came to bat like that, and Mayo, too. In fact my Mom called that night and asked what was up and I told her, "Both SS and Mayo just put the smack down on some mean anons!" She was like "Tell them thank you!" ^_^

SS did it with passion, Mayo did it after he was asked, and in his usual chilly and distant way. I kinda like it. I wouldn't recognize Mayo if he wasn't a chilly little bastard.

See, Mayo keeps his comments like diamonds: purposely off the market to increase their value. When you get one, it's kind of like a prize. That's not a diss, Mayo: I find that method--and you--exceedingly clever. And it works, right? Man, you saw how defensive I got when someone else was calling themselves "the protagonist" in relation to this blog. I had a ridiculous bitch fit over it.

But both of them said something, and neither of them had to. There are countless among us who don't say anything about the anonymous attacks as well. Well, those people don't get involved, so Mayo and SS don't really need to, either. They aren't any more special than us that their words hold more value (unless it's value that we give them because of their rarity.)

And honestly, none of those comments actually bugged me in the least. Those people are amateurs. There was a regular who once said a much worse thing to me, probably the worst (meaning the most ridiculous, hyperbolic and illogical) thing anyone's actually said to me. The anons were nothing compared to that. They're just like gnats. They didn't bother me. ^_^

Okay, whole 'nother comment coming up. :D

Anonymous said...

Blogger sdock10 said...

Guys,

He even called my MOTHER and told her to make me an appointment or I could pack my shit and move back in with her.

TRUE FUCKING STORY!

My life is so much better than fiction...or worse.

Yeah, probably worse.


SOLLY, GET OUT OF THIS. YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS. And you don't need this kind of poison in your life.

MissT:
Anon and secrets, my secret is that I hate myself and can't understand how anyone could love me. I guess that's why no guy ever really has.

We all feel like that sometimes, MissT. Who among us isn't unloveable SOME of the time? But there are those of us who see your worth. I wish you would see it, too.


Splash said:
mustardisbetter said...

You ever wonder what will happen if you don't find it?


I do.


Splash, I didn't find "it." I don't actually believe in "it." And I'm perfeclty happy. ^_^ In the end, it really is all right. :D

resurrected wreck said...

You ever wonder what will happen if you don't find it?

I don't expect to, and I'm strangely okay with that. Besides, I'm hell to live with. Too used to doing things independantly & on a whim. Finding love would be a hell of a lifestyle change & I'm not sure I'd be up for that.


HEAR HEAR.

Martha Jones said...

Well GW did say if you stop looking you find it.


Yes, but he said it the way he says most things: to show off, to act big, to make a point. I rather believed Bert ever so much more when he said it of Quinn. Same phrase, two different motives.

Mayo, be careful while you're feeling that stick, okay? Is it a rhythm stick? ;D

Original Punk J said...

And I know what you mean about "not settling". I have been in love once in my life. I was with him for five years.

But that ended when I found out the military policy of "as long as you're on a base thousands of miles away for a year away from your girlfriend you can cheat and it doesn't mean anything" was in full effect, well, that was it.

I talked to him, he couldn't understand why I was upset because, "You are the girlfriend, the one I love, these don't mean anything". And no, I didn't understand. I was faithful to him. I expected the same back.

L.

Original Punk J said...

Mustard,

That was an incredibly sweet thing you wanted to do. I think Valentine's Day goes to shit right after 3rd grade, about the time they make you stop giving a card to everyone in the class.

L.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Exactly J

Anonymous said...

Sis M I missed ya!

Before you say anything, I know you can't get every quality that you want in the person that you meet.

Yeah but you know what? I made a very precise list of exactly what i wanted in a new car right before I got mine, and a list of things that I COULD NOT do without: Good gas mileage, low (or partial zero) emissions, absolutely no leather, five star safety rating all around, an iPod dock, and under $17K. I actually found that bad boy.

Different with people. >_<

Anonymous said...

secret - i have never had a boyfriend and i dont think i ever will. i spent one time with this guy who was my brothers friend and he just showed me what a complete twat he was. he was only after one thing but i didnt understand why me cos i was not a pretty picture, i still am not but after him i have doubt in my mind about anyone.
i want someone to like me for me and to love me but i doubt that will ever happen because i have closed myself to anyone because i do not meassure up to what i wish i was.
sometimes i feel lonely but that is my own fault.

Anonymous said...

Hi everyone!
I'm on and off today but popped in for a bit.
I never really think about valentines, I didn't ever receive cards or anything in school or after.
It just makes people feel obliged or bad

But anywayz love is what you do all the time, not one day a year!

Anonymous said...

ANd completely off topic:

YEAR OF THE RAT! :D

This is my year. ^____^

MissTottenham said...

See you later Anima.

See you later Sis M.

J, amazing comment. I found myself nodding along to it.

Thanks K, that's so nice of you to say. I just get a downer on myself every now and then.

MissTottenham said...

K, I've done the thing that you wanted.

resurrected wreck said...

Are you a Rat, K? ;P

I'm a Monkey!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Anon at 7:43 I have the same problem but add big boobs to the mix.

The other problem I have is that the people that hit on me are people I would never date. And they always seem to think I'm a slut.


It has also made me not fine sex to appealing.

Anonymous said...

MissT, those are fantastic. I LOLled. ^_^ I love it.

RW, I am a Rat. A Water Rat to be specific, born in the hour of the Rat. O_o So I'm kinda ratty.

I'm supposed to get along with Monkeys! See, I knew our marriage had to be based on something. Amaaayzing.

Smoke said...

I'm a Snake. Imagine that! ^_^

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Move out of the way cause a dragon is coming your way and i BREATH FIRE

Original Punk J said...

I'm a Monkey too, RW!

J. is a Snake.

L.

resurrected wreck said...

I think I know who you are, anon @7:43pm, & you're too young, too interesting, and too beautiful to feel this way. It makes me sad that you do :(

Smoke said...

Kapunua,

I could eat you. O_O

Snakes eat Rats.

resurrected wreck said...

*gives L a monkey high-five*

:D

Original Punk J said...

Anon at 7:43,

I understand that completely. But once in while, I let down the walls around me, and usually I get disappointed, but...

You Never Know.

L.

resurrected wreck said...

I'm supposed to get along with Monkeys! See, I knew our marriage had to be based on something. Amaaayzing.

So it's not just Sharpies and belt buckles after all!

*blows nose dramatically*

Anonymous said...

Anon @ 7:43-

You can. I have faith in you.




What if you are exactly the opposite? What if you are who you are, no hiding, no additions. You just are.

What if people don't like the real you? Then what are you supposed to do?

Even if you feel like you're being yourself because you've never been anything other than that, is there still something that makes you different or unworthy? If there is, how do you know how to find it and work on it?

MissTottenham said...

K, they are all amazing so far.


Anon, you are very brave to share that. I'm not surprised that you closed yourself off after a shitty experience. If only people would realise the damage they can do by messing with people's hearts and minds.

ergoproxy said...

oh yeah happy Chinese New Year I'm a metal sheep

Martha Smith-Jones said...

mustardisbetter said...



What if people don't like the real you? Then what are you supposed to do?


February 7, 2008 7:58 PM


You flip them the bird and tell them to bite me.

Original Punk J said...

Kapunua,

Thank you and Mustard for your input on the post we left earlier. We have been thinking off and on today about a lot of things, a lot of what does it matters, just...a lot.

SO we will ask you your opinion.

Would you delete the comment we left? or leave it as "I won't delete and neither should you?"

L.

Anonymous said...

MJ:

You could'a just told me to take my own fucking advice ;)

ergoproxy said...

anon @ 7:43 people are attracted to who they are attracted to, there are multitudes of non-oil paintings who are loved by someone, and you, I'm sure, are perfectly fine.
But a bad experience can make it hard, I was assaulted and had a long time trusting but you have to rememeber you cannot tar everyone with the same brush and when you look around and just meet people you can find someone who you can love and who loves you back, but it takes time and being happy with yourself is the most important thing, trying to be completed by someone else never works

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Kapu

Martha Smith-Jones said...

But MIB where is the fun in that?

resurrected wreck said...

Time for my shower (but if CTV shows up, don't tell her!), back in a bit...

MissTottenham said...

See you later RW.

Original Punk J said...

Bye, RW!

L.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Later RW I will be to my shower in a bit as well.

Original Punk J said...

Well, we took them out anyway. It just really doesn't matter.

Not anymore.

L.

Original Punk J said...

Ergo,

METAL sheep?

L.

MissTottenham said...

Bloody quiet tonight.

Mind my language, I'm trying to stop swearing but it's fucking difficult.

ergoproxy said...

L actually after I put that I realised I'm not

I'm a FIRE sheep - grrrrrrrrrrrrrrbaaaa

hubby is a metal boar , I got muddled , it's tooo hot - again!

Original Punk J said...

Ergo,

Ahh, now I see.

Speaking of fire, my fever is going back up again so I am going to hunt down some Tylenol.

Love,
L.

MissTottenham said...

Quite interesting facts:

QI 1:

Sigourney Weaver's dad, Pat, is said to be one of only two people who know the exact recipe for Coca Cola.

MissTottenham said...

QI 2:

The only word in the English language that ends in '-MT' is 'Dreamt'.

MissTottenham said...

QI 3:

Because of the rotation of the earth, an object can be thrown further if thrown west.

MissTottenham said...

QI 4:

Average number of Americans killed annually by vending machines falling on them: 13

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Miss t those are interesting facts

MissTottenham said...

QI 5:

Catfish are swimming tongues: they have more taste buds than any other creature. Their entire bodies are covered with them. A six-inch catfish may have more than a quarter of a million taste buds, not just in its mouth and gills, but on its whiskers, fins, back, belly, sides and tail. The channel catfish has the best sense of taste of any vertebrate and is able to detect less than a hundredth of a teaspoonful of a substance in an Olympic swimming pool full of water.

anima said...

All of you are so loving, it amazes me that you do not see the beauty in the person you are... easier said than done, right? You all give such inspiring advice, but only to others. Try it on yourself. Believe in yourself. It's okay to be imperfect. It's okay to be down on yourself, but look deep enough just to find what you need to keep on truckin'. Relationships come in so many forms, not all of us need or want someone in close proximately all the time. It is trying at times and kind of annoying.
....

Completely lost my thoughts.

....

I'm back, sorry I had to leave in such a hurry.

MissTottenham said...

Thanks MJ. Onto the next.

QI6:

Bees can recognise human faces. Given that many humans struggle with this once they have turned 40, it seems utterly remarkable in a creature whose brain is the size of a pinhead. Yet bees who are rewarded with nectar when shown some photos of faces, and not rewarded when shown others, quickly learn to tell the difference. Not that we should read too much into this. Bees don't "think" in a meaningful way. The "faces" in the experiment were clearly functioning as rather odd-looking flowers, not as people they wanted to get to know socially

Anonymous said...

MissT:

What in the world are you doing? ;)


Anima:

Welcome back. Thank you for everything.

anima said...

Crap, I'm so behind.

just one more thing...

Ergo, "but it takes time and being happy with yourself is the most important thing, trying to be completed by someone else never works." So fucking true.

Okay, where are we?

Anonymous said...

Good advice there, Anima. :D

I just want to say, I love bees. Not yellowjackets, but bumble bees. I think they're lovely. Also you can pet them.

Anonymous said...

AIM: Kapunua

Anonymous said...

I don't wanna pet anything that goes "Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."


DO NOT WANT

anima said...

L, I really admire you for getting out of that relationship. Some of that military lifestyle is fucked up. I happy to know that you didn't just settle in with that guy.

Oh, Interesting Fact time, I got nothing.

*runs to Google*

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Anima.

I don't if I want to socialize with a bee miss t.

Original Punk J said...

Thank you, anima. The first thing I learned as a military girlfriend is that Uncle Sam owns their butts!

Even when he had downtime, if it was 3 in the morning, if the base called, he had to go. If we were on vacation, he had to go. Didn't matter. It bugged me for about 2 years, then I got over that part.

But the other, no way!

L.

MissTottenham said...

Hi again Anima.

Mustard, I don't know what I'm doing most of the time.

Original Punk J said...

Ergo,

The "poem" was great!

Kinda like here in the summer. We had a few weeks last summer where it was 110 to 115 degree heat index.

And we went to TWO PR shows back to back in that heat.

L.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

I'm off to the shower.

Original Punk J said...

Miss T.,

Have you seen the Eddie Izzard bit about the beekeeper? It is fantastic!

"I'm a beekeeper. I like to keep bees! I just get 'em and keep 'em!
I like my women like I like my coffee...

COVERED IN BEES!!!"

Ok, it's official, my fever has got the best of me...

L.

resurrected wreck said...

And I'm just back! Are we tag team showering, MJ??

Carrie said...

K, have you ever heard of carpenter bees? we got some that were munching on our patio furniture all summer. Took me the longest time to figure out what they were.

Original Punk J said...

Hey,Carrie,

Are those the really big kind that bore holes in the wood?

L.

MissTottenham said...

See you later MJ.


L, if you want to pick an Eddie Izzard fan out of the crowd, just shout I'M COVERED IN BEES.

Of course I love EI.

Original Punk J said...

RW,

FELLOW MONKEY!

I'm feverish.

Can you tell? :)

L.

Original Punk J said...

I thought you would know that one, Miss T.!

I would love to see him live, but so far, no go.

We will actually get in the grocery store and look for the "new queue", and split up with the "I'm on 4, take 6, no, no, just counting the till, no.. I'VE LOST 4!"

And I probably lost anyone just then who had NO idea what I was talking about.

L.

resurrected wreck said...

L: ;P

resurrected wreck said...

I'm about to make a bid on a beautiful jewelled butterfly hair clip on eBay.

Anonymous said...

sorry I'm late I'm a bit all over the place today

thanks L I got sent it and it's soooo fitting!

Original Punk J said...

RW,

How much commotion do you think it would cause if we were in the grocery store and I suddenly yelled

RW, FELLOW MONKEY!!

Would they throw us out or try to find out what was wrong with us?

L.

MissTottenham said...

I've seen him live twice L.

The first time, the tour was the same name as one of his DVD's and I thought it would be the same jokes but he had written a whole new tour and only two jokes were the same, I was so chuffed cos I knew thae last one word for word by then.

Original Punk J said...

And would we be banned from the whole chain or just the one store?


L.

Anonymous said...

eddie izzard is so funny and I love that sort of rambling comedy.
Anyone see him and david bowie on i think it was parkinson, they were both doing it!

resurrected wreck said...

How much commotion do you think it would cause if we were in the grocery store and I suddenly yelled

RW, FELLOW MONKEY!!

Would they throw us out or try to find out what was wrong with us?


I dunno, L, but I think we should try it if the opportunity ever presents itself ;)

Carrie said...

Yeah, L., we were getting all these little piles of sawdust under our table and I couldn't figure out what the heck was going on. I mean, I saw the bees, but just figured they were bumble bees. Had no idea they would do something like that. We filled up the holes with GreatStuff, and they even ate that! We finally had to use steel wool, they can't chew through that.

Original Punk J said...

Miss T, you are lucky! He is one of the funniest men I've ever seen.

We have several of the DVDs.

By the way, I don't know if you know but have you ever heard of a "Tinker Cake"? It's a apple type cookie/small pancake thing from Wales?

L.

Anonymous said...

L they may just back away slowly

Original Punk J said...

Ergo,

I missed that one. We saw a few older interviews, one with Clive Davis, I think?

Carrie,

Yeah, they will chew through just about everything.

RW,

Yep! We should try it sometime!

L.

resurrected wreck said...

I just won this on eBay. I think it will look very fetching with my burgundy hair, n'est pas?

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