You are all seen.
I am here. Not always present, but I am here. I feel each of you even as I move about my world. I presume we have this in common.
This space is mine in confidence, without interruption, without interception, and without edit.
I carry a bit of debt to you that I have not shared. You have reached me in ways you will never know.
You have helped.
p.s. thank you.
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4,021 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 2601 – 2800 of 4021 Newer› Newest»I think this is just confusing everyone and is pretty pointless.
I like this anon up here. at 1:58 I mean.
Anon at 1:58 I absolutely agree.
K had a chance to learn something fromMayo that I think he is trying to teach her by turning down everything she says to him and gives to him. Unfortunately for the rest of you who gave mayo and SS a gift in her blog that means YOU guys got ignored too. But I think he meant it as a lesson to her. It's too bad that the rest of you got ignored because of her. But she had a chance to learn from that and instead she just keeps acting up and doing things like posting all of this poetry and being a bitch.
Goodnight Ergo, PH, BC, K, and anons.
PH, I will swing by tomorrow. I promise. Everything is so much more profound in my mind, but regardless, it's what I have to offer. Just me. ;)
One more video; And goodnight everyone!
Mayonaise
anon at 1:58 but the skill of a good teacher is to enable the student to see perhaps the value of a lesson when perhaps they would otherwise dismiss it
And think about how out of line she spoke to him the last time and he yelled at her. yes, his tone wasn't very nice. But she started it. She always starts it.
How did we get ignored? SS got the presents. SS replied. I'm pretty sure Mayonaise did too. TO EVERYONE. IF people get ignored, it's because there is an overwhelming number of comments to read, and it's just impossible to get to them all.
Goodnight and sweet dreams Anima. ♥
Hahaha he just wants to break her down so badly in the worst way.
Anonymous, when did Mayo yell at her? Did I miss something? Kapunua is an amazing person. I don't see why all anons like to zone in on her and attack her.
Anon, when did Mayo yell at her?
Good night Anima!!
I'm looking forward to it. I work from one till six, so I'll be on after I'm off!
<3
When and how did they reply? Neither of them replied. Maybe SS was busy but Mayo sure as fuck was told a million times what you were all doing for him and he never even said anything about it. Well I happen to think that is the fault of K.
anon no one knows if he/they looked or not, just didn't specifically indicate, I doubt it is as vitally important to his/their mood/s as you are suggesting
Paperheart, the thing is, when you see that person as amazing, the other person won't see the same thing. You can't expect everyone to like someone, because that is not possible.
I don't expect everyone to like me, and I'm okay with that.
you are referring to the valentines thing - yes?
I think that anon is talking to their little "conversation" after Mayo's naughty post when he set her up. I didn't think either of them were being rude or out of line. It was entertaining, like a sitcom. And I think people are intimidated by Kapunua. I also think that people get "smart and assertive" mixed up with "bitch" because they can't handle themselves in a conversation with her.
Grasshopper, me and you asked the same queston. Ha!
The Christmas gifts? Go back to Mayo's December 24th post. Read it.
SS, changed his location to something along the lines of smelling each gift and sitting under the tree or whatever. Go to SS's blog, you'll see that he posted a blog about the gifts.
Yes, the valentine's thing and the movie she made for Mayo that she PUSHED on everyone and made everyone watch it and praise her to high heaven.
Anon at 2:02 & @ 2:03 why do you persist with this?
Mayo is a big boy, if there was a real problem, I would expect he would get her attention.
Ergo, you are very wise, however some would still resist until "they" are ready.
No, the valentine's PH. Everyone left valentine's for Mayo and SS. Kapunua made a movie for Mayo in hers which she pretty much made everyone watch and comment on.
Paperheart, the thing is, when you see that person as amazing, the other person won't see the same thing. You can't expect everyone to like someone, because that is not possible.
I don't expect everyone to like me, and I'm okay with that.
Yeah that's true. It's kind of like someone's own interpretation of someone. I'm cool with that! Just when you start trying to bash them just after they leave, I'm not okay with.
Um, anon, I actually didn't watch the video.
I think it was the other way around and maybe Mayo could learn from Kapunua. And all of you, too.
Just when you start trying to bash them just after they leave, I'm not okay with.
-----------------------------------
That is definitely not okay.
Ahh. I didn't watch the movie. I didn't know about the movie.
*blushes*
How could she MAKE anyone, including Mayo, watch it? She gave it away as a gift, no one HAD to watch it. ANd I never saw her ask for comments about it either. I think the people who commented on it just wanted to.
anon thank you very much, I'm a teacher and it is a very difficult skill, but yes readiness is vital, you just hope you can pique the interest and lead to learning.
You and me both paperheart, but I am not going to watch it because someone recommendended it. I will watch it out of my own free will and when I decide to.
*sigh*
I miss Iamanonymous/ Prof. Anon..
=[
Anon at 2:11, the truth in reality is everyone is a constant conduit for each other, good or bad. The trick is getting the "right" balance.
It's not that people can't "handle" themselves in a conversation with her, it's just that sometimes she just goes for the jugular on stuff and that makes people go woah and back the hell away.
She gave it away as a gift, no one HAD to watch it.
-----------------------------------
That's right. No one had to be forced to watch it, unless they had wanted to. Free will remember?
You either want to watch it, or not. Simple as that.
Bleeding Chaos, everyone who watched it watched it out of their own free will. I dont' recall Kapunua ever glueing someone's eyeballs to the computer screen or threatening to kill their family if they didn't watch it. She posted a link and said "I made this if you want to see it". God, get over yourself.
It's been nice chatting with you all, but I must get to bed. Have a great night.
<3
anon @2:11
Mayo learn from all of us or we all learn from kapunua?
just wishing clarification
as there is a whole side of me that I choose not to show on the blog, so unless you know which lessons Mayo and we each need it is hard to say who can learn from who
That's because she's K-bert the Green Eyed Gal.
Goodnight and sweet dreams paperheart.
Anon, I just said that. Read my comment at 2:14
BC, don't act like you're being rebellious by not watching a link that you didn't HAVE to watch. It makes you sound petty.
Anons, you know what? This is just plain ridiculous. Why are you even complaining about events that happened days ago and about a video?
Find a new topic
goodnight PH
sweet dreams and *big hug*
I'm off too, I'll be back to say goodnight
a very interesting conversation with anon @ 2:14, thank you. Other anon, nice to hear your opinion, at least it was relatively well said, but please don't bring it down now.
bye for now all!
Anon, your comment does not deserve my answer.
Anon, you are entitled to your opinion.
However, from where I sit, the most passionate people also tend to be the most misunderstood. People are so concerned by what they hear, but do not pause to work out the intent.
Kapunua has a good heart.
Take care Ergo.
I'm sorry anons, and I suck at calling people out; bottomline, I think we are way past all of this.
You can post in your own name if you are a regular, and if not then well, I hate to tell you but you not in the loop.
Is there a 'loop'...? I don't know! There is a conspiracy I heard of regarding MCR. It's scary shit. ^_^
Anon 2:20:
Good point.
Well this is just my opinion and it's probably going to piss people off and upset the balance or..... But K is pretty hot, bitchiness and all. I want to lick her. and if there is any truth to the rumor that Mayo is shutting her out then that's his loss. Her movie is fucking awesome.
Anima, what mcr conspiracy? I must kknoooowwww!! ;p
Please. Please, don't call her K-bert.
Anon 2:22:
That's your opinion. More power to you.
I was going to ask what that K-bert title was. Is it supposed to be an insult of some sort?
Oooo, was just gonna lurk for a sec, go have a smoke and sleep, but my favorite people are here. Anons!!!!
Maybe I should be an anon. Then I can be all cool and say whatever I want cloaked in ambiguity.
Listen. Even if you're Jesus, you're not going to like everyone you meet in life. You're not supposed to. However, treating that person you dislike with no respect whatsoever does not teach them anything nor really get rid of the frustration you may feel towards that person.
There is nothing wrong with being an anon. I know way back in the day I did it occasionally when I was too embarrassed to speak with a face.
But consider: Are my comments really enlightening anyone? Is it being said in such a way that actually may inspire change?
Secondly, come to peace with the fact that everyone, I mean EVERYONE you meet whether you love or hate them is going to have fabulous traits, awful ones, atrocious habits and soul ascending acts of kindness all wrapped in one fleshy thing (or usually wiggle about in mediocrity, which is a splendid thing to do, too).
Thank you for reading.
an insult, to Bert McCracken, maybe
GV, you're up this late? Wonderful post. Goodnight and sweet dreams to you.
enlightening anon comment---GV, you are so PPU, but that is cool. I'm just wondering how many others you are too.
Anon at 2:29:
I wonder the same thing too lol. GV has too many usernames, but then again, so do I ;p
Katherine GV, thank you.
We think in similar ways.
Woh, before I go smoke....
Anon, did you just say I was PPU?
Ha! I wish I was that subtle with my verbiage.
No, to be honest, PPU only started visiting me about two weeks ago on my blog.
I know I have no evidence to give you, but think what you will.
Actually, that brings up something I think I saw a couple days ago. Didn't an anon imply I was someone else, too?
Well, I never did get my chance to say hello to anon. Hello anon, or anons.
Well, I would like a cigarette. Anons, you are genuinely beautiful. Thank you for responding. You as well, Exodus.
I may stop by in about ten minutes. May not. We'll see if the compulsion bites me.
Sorry, I don't smoke GV.
But I do enjoy the inner workings of your cerebellum.
ok, ok, yeah, if you're not, you missed a damn good chance, your writing is quite eloquent and cryptic too.
mayo post in 10 minutes
Anon 2:39
We'll just see. Your welcome GV. By the way, you are free to call me BC.
No! I've been drawn back. But I need sleep!
I missed a damn good chance?
I've been trying really hard not to be cryptic lately, but thank you, Anon.
How ya doing BC?
Why a new Mayo post in 10 minutes?
I won't be cryptic if you're not cryptic, I promise. Though I'm cryptic I'm horribly, brutally honest.
Is there something any of you want to ask me? Speak directly and openly and I will reciprocate with the same.
oh c'mon, you're better than that!!
I'm doing pretty good GV, just a bit tired. And I sure as hell missed you on top of it. How are you?
I have one question to ask: why all the blogger names? ;p
Pot? I would like to introduce you to kettle.
Saying I'm better than that doesn't help me. I'm stupid. Please be open with me, dear. I guess I'm not catching your drift. What are you trying to say?
The blogger names are just an extension of how often I change my name in "real" life. On myspace, I went through, like, seven names. My personality is a very fluid one and I'm not the sort that is tied down to one solid identity. I missed you, too. Just wish the anons would not be afraid to state what they mean. It's 2:55 AM where I am guys! No sleep yet today.
Anon, you are right. My blogs up and some of my comments up until January were very cryptic. But then I explained why. If you were secretly being haunted by a guy you never met and was terrified that this person posting as Mayo seemed to be attached to this, too, wouldn't you feel a little awkward telling everyone?
you werent secretly haunted, just paranoid mixed with your crazy
Thank you. That is more likely the truth.
So if you believe this of me, what are you digging for? Would you like to go over to my blog and discuss it there?
GV, thank you for answering my question. It's past two in the morning here, and I'm getting tired. I was out most of the day.
Mayo
This goodnight has to be for two nights. I’m gonna be gone tomorrow night. (Okay this is the part where you pretend that bit of news is upsetting). Are you frowning? Come on just try to look a bit distressed. Thanks.
So anyway, it’s raining here and cold. Nasty combo that! I like warm rain. The kind you can stand out in. Well, you can stand out in it if there’s no lightening. I know someone who died after being struck by lightening so I’m a little weird about that. So where was I going with this? Why am I asking you? Oh I know. I was talking about the rain because it sorta goes along with what I decided today. I want to be a storm chaser. You know, the crazy people who go out looking for tornados? That’s what I want to do. I’ve actually lived through three of the buggers so it’s not like I don’t know anything about it. Now of course as soon as I tell my family they are gonna roll their eyes and make faces. Little side note here…Did your mom ever tell you that if you made a face and someone hit you on the back your face would stay like that? Well my mom always said that. My daughter’s make so many faces at me I sorta wish it was true. Not that I’d want it to be permanent but well you know.
So what do you think? I need some excitement in my life and I think this just might be the ticket. I want to stand in one spot with my feet planted firm and feel the power of the approaching storm. The sky goes that weird greenish color and the roar is like a train. I want that sound to fill my ears. The hair on the back of my neck stands on end. I’ll feel it coming, getting closer and closer and there will be no way to stop it.
Fuck, does my mind wander when I’m looking up books. Yeah, one of the books was on tornados.
Mayo I hope your day was good. Go into a bookstore and look around. Find a book on something totally random and give it some thought. Do something out of character. Yeah, I’m putting you up to this idea cause I know I’ll never do it. I’ll never escape this life I live. I’ll never venture outside its boundaries. But I wish I could.
Elena (dreaming of things she’ll never do)
PS don’t forget to miss me tomorrow night.
BC,
Ah, well if you go to bed, I understand. I hope you sleep well.
Anon
Would you like my email so you can tell me what you really think in private? Just create an imaginary email with a fake name and then erase it once you get the answers to your questions.
let's just say I chicken out too, and leave it at that.
.... Okay.
I appreciate your thoughts, though. What has made you stop dead in your tracks? I genuinely want to know more about what you're thinking.
Thanks GV. Goodnight and sweet dreams Elena.
[...] it is possible that there is no real self behind the shifting masks, or that the real self lies exactly there, in the moving surfaces and not beneath. It's possible there are beings with no way of their own, only the many ways of their shifting skins and changing contexts.
Not necessarily a negative thing.
I love your honesty. I'm glad you're not afraid to call me crazy. As everyone now knows, I have an obsessive personality and over the past few years, more often than not, it gets the best of me.
Goodnight GV, anons. Goodnight my little jar of Mayonaise. Yes, I am going to come barging in your fucking house tomorrow afternoon, like I do every day >:)
Goodnight SS, BlogBelieve, Family, lurkers. Xoxo
Hello, redrum. Don't know if you're sticking around. An interesting tidbit of philosophical wanderings.
Must confess, just went to your profile and saw you quote Dune. GOD, do I love those books. And I will admit, Lynch's version of the movie. There. I said it. I have no shame.
Night, BC.
Damn, it's been 10 minutes and no new post. Though I should really stop posting on here. I'm going to be responsible for nearly half the 3000 posts I'm sure will be up by the time the next one shows up.
Oh, I'm sorry, I'm rude from my sleepiness, though no excuse. Hello and goodbye, Elena. It's funny, I, too, am obsessed with tornados. Never lived through a fully developed one, but I kinda want to storm chase, too, someday.
A nugget from Trickster Makes This World, by Lewis Hyde.
I like the Lynch film, too. It's wonderfully strange... and with good music.
I know! Toto is amazing! The film just makes me swell with emotion no matter how many times I watch it. Writing name of book down.....
Okee. I have been meticulously scrolling through previous anon comments and it appears one of the anons believes I am Mayo.
Is that what you're trying to get out of me? You want me to confess that I'm Mayo? Is that why it was declared new Mayo post in 10 minutes?
Wow.
Once again, there is no way for you to believe me. In fact, I have a feeling you won't believe me, anyway.
I am not Mayo.
I am somewhat surprised considering my posts for Mayo pleading for him to reveal his identity so I may lay this chapter of my life to rest.
To be honest, if I was Mayo, I personally would have revealed myself months ago.
I don't know whether to be flattered or flabbergasted. I think I will be both, for he is a beautiful writer. Hmmm. If only there was some way....
I understand now. When a few days ago, I was confessing the odd correlations to my blogs on blogger and his, you took it that I was trying to subtly reveal my identity.
Well, how about this? You and I can pretend I'm Mayo. Let's make a game of it. Start asking me questions and I will answer as if I'm Mayo.
Damn, you've shocked me awake.
Someone better come talk to me.
ok, I will totally pretend, it makes me feel better.
Thank you for returning. I am now fully awake and feeling chatty.
I, pretending to be Mayo ask you, what do you want to know?
I will even answer in his cryptic fashion, if you like.
what are you going to pretend anon?
C'mon, Anon, you've given me a surge of crazy. Someone noted how crazy I was earlier, remember? You can't leave me hanging. What do you want to know?
Ok, you want the honesty? You sound like PPU, and your writing sounds like Mayo, and I find it kinda freaky like. I think you are a chameleon (I might have spelled that wrong) and sorry, i seriously thought you were Mayo.
Honey......I'm home!
Darn it, I just missed BC and Elena.
Hello GV, Redrum, Mayo, SS, lurkers, anonymous(es),those lost and those found!
How are you all tonight? Feeling well, happy and loved, I hope!
OP J: don't you worry about a thing, love. You couldn't 'murk up' or ruin the mood here if you tried! Well, I suppose if you REALLY wanted/tried you could (I do believe you ladies can do anything you set your minds to)but, you certainly didn't do it last night (or any other time for that matter)! Both of you shine! You spend so much time trying to build others up, encourage them, support them, welcome them with open arms.....
You are love, light, joy, wisdom, kindess AND you ARE appreciated. THANK YOU BOTH !!
*much love to you and L*
I see I missed another poetry recital. Well, does anyone mind if I post one of my favorite poems?
You don't!!! GOOD! Here we go:
A Dream Within A Dream
Edgar Allan Poe
Take this kiss upon the brow!
And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow
You are not wrong, who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream.
I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep - while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?
I do adore POE!
Love and Hugs to all!
~Namaste~
6/Wendy
*still missing The Dalai Lama*
Ooops, I almost forgot my "to ponder today":
Dignity and Respect has to do with what you are ready, willing, and able to accept within yourself and in accepting to be able to give others. It is your personal power to make a difference by being true to the best within you and letting that truth shine through your words and actions.
Gail Purcell Elliott
I believe you spelled chameleon correctly.
Yes, I am a chameleon. I have a hundred different personalities and counting everyday. It used to stress me out that I don't have a 'core' as most people do but I've now learned to incorporate them all and enjoy it.
Funny you now don't believe I'm Mayo. Perhaps it's my brutal way of speech.
As I said, PPU began visiting my blog about two weeks ago. I think we all have a similar way of typing and speaking because we probably have a similar background in literature.
PPU, as far as I know is a scorpio. I am a virgo. The two tend to talk in a grandiose fashion. Mayo, we don't know.
Oh, I didn't say that.
Ah, I see.
So, pretending I am Mayo.... Do you think that by holding back my identity for this long, I am harming those on this blog?
No, not at all, I think those who come here come for more than Mayo.
mayo,
how was your saturday? mine was...well, let's just say that i'm a loyalist to the cause, and once i take up arms for hyrule, it pretty much takes over all my spare time until everyone is safe and sound once again.
hey. we all have our little addictions. :)
i think, though, what i should have done with the day was stay in bed. i should have crawled out long enough to pull whatever looked shiniest off the shelf, and let the day flow right on past me.
have you ever done that, mayo? have you ever given yourself over wholly to the world in the pages, and spent the day half out of your body? every once in awhile, you surface, and notice the sun is coming in the window at an entirely different angle, and then back you go.
a day spent like that totally recharges the mind. video games, on the other hand, do not. they're too active, there's too much stimulus. i think spending the day reading is like giving in to daydreams, it's gentle and nourishing.
...you know, i bet i could take one more day off from my job hunt. yeah.
i wonder what i have on my shelf...
mayo, don't you see? there are so many ways to nurture your spirit. so keep feeding it, okay? keep it bright. i quite like you being the shiniest thing around.
take care of yourself, mayo my friend, and may your sunday be lovely.
Hmmm. What else should you ask me. Can you think of anything?
Why?
Hello Toujours,
Apparently I am Mayo. So let me answer some of your questions. I haven't lost myself in a book in a long, long while. However, thank you. I find ways to feed my soul with smaller notations of the beat of my existence. I will have a lovely Sunday. I can feel it in my elbows and in my tongue.
lol, thank you, gentle v....er...i mean, mayo, sir.
play nice with the anons. i'm heading off to dreamland.
g'nite. :)
Why did I start this blog?
If I am Gerard Way, I began this blog as an outlet to find real connections again, as a game, to find a way to vent my frustrations at the way I had been trapped by fame. My frustrations that I no longer got high from the energy exchange with my fan base. Because I'm so very fragile and lonely and oh God do I ever wish someone would come and actually hold me, not their idea of me or the fame of me.
As an impostor, I did this for similar reasons. A game mostly at first. The thrill of fandom, of keeping people guessing. Then, when the personalities began to shine, I felt myself soften. It was evolving into something bigger and greater than I ever could have dreamed of doing. Yet, at the end of the day, it only accentuates my loneliness. I keep it up as habit from a lost hope that I would ever find a place in this world to feel special.
What a peculiar game...
Nite, Toujours. I promise I being kind, honestly. I lick you!!! Been so long since I've been able to do that to you.
Good night, TJ.
Isn't it, redrum? Please don't think less of me for it.
What else would you like to ask Dear Mayo?
A question for you. Why do you keep visiting this blog? I hope it's not really because of me.
hey, GV, thanks for being a sport and indulging my wild fantasies. I have to go to bed now. Even if you aren't Mayo, you could be, as far as writing talent goes. And I never really thought Mayo was Gerard, not even for a second. Maybe one of these days I will get the guts to email you under my real name and we can talk further about stuff. Oh, just one more thing, your story about the cemetery? That made me think of Mayo's tagline, was that on purpose?
and I visit the blog for the people, totally.
my story about the cemetery.... Hmmm. Which. You're not talking about the ghost story I did back in October or November, right?
I'm sorry, it's very late. A moment, please.
I think some anons are too mean to K., but I can see where they are coming from. Most of the time she's interesting and fun, but there are times that her "notice me" projects and the promotion of them gets annoying. And she does it all while claiming she doesn't seek the attention of our host or SS. For example the goose picture for SS, how many times did she obsessively post the link to that damn thing? Or that video and the gift blog? And while I enjoy a bit of poetry now and then, 5 billion posts in one evening is just too much to take in. So in conclusion, I like K., I do. But sometimes her personality is off putting and makes me want to scream "Shut up already." I know I'm about to get yelled at, but I had to get that off my chest.
Do you mean the story about the church? If so, then no, the tag line was a coicidence. But hey, we'll indulge my crazy paranoid self and say it was. It's late and I am all for connections to everything.
redrum said...
What a peculiar game...
===============
Not only peculiar; but also very sad!
:(
How horrible it must be for someone/anyone to feel that disconnected. From the world....
from themselves....
Do people like that ever allow themselves to feel anything REAL?
nah, it's ok other anon. And there was a moment in your story GV when you were talking about being amongst the monuments and it made me think of amongst the cement and shoulders.
Oh, honey, I'm not going to yell at you.
If someone annoys you, they annoy you. We all have our quirks and ticks. Some of those quirks, some may find endearing, then those very same quirks another person will find annoying as all bloody hell.
I love Jules. But do not think for a second, my walk with her has been all chocolates and roses. A few months ago, in our own way, we battled. But I think we've both smoothed out our personal kinks with the other.
Ah, I understand now, Anon. Thank you for the clarification.
Wendy, I wholeheartedly agree. If I were to answer as Mayo, no, I barely allow myself to feel anything real at all. The worst of it all is that I am not unaware.
There is nothing more wretched than a trapped animal who knows they have been caught and that the key to their release is already with them but they feel as if they don't know how to work the damn thing.
Thanks for not yelling at me, anon and Katherine. I appreciate you allowing me to vent a little.
Any time, Anon. That's what I'm here for. I am glad you took the time to not simply thrash about in blind rage about your feelings toward her. You put it sensibly.
GV: A poor trapped trapped animal would chew off a limb in an effort to escape their prison ......
in an effort to be free, to LIVE!
*sigh* It is ashame that more humans can't or won't set themselves free.
You are correct, the 'keys' are always within reach.....
Good night GV! I am (hopefully) off to dream land now :)
Hey Mayo
hope you had a lovely day, mine was spent indoors away from cold windy misty rain, pretty miserable outside but warm and fun inside. I pulled out an ancient (by today's standards) super nintendo and have become reaquainted with some old pals.
Pretty meaningless, nothing much achieved but still, sometimes that is just nice to do.
Hope you have relaxing nothing days sometimes, or if you weer productive I hope you enjoyed it.
Wishing sunshine, lolly pops and rainbows every where....to you and yours :)
much love
EP xx
SS
hope you're well, and all good things come to you,
lotsa love
EP xx
goodnight all, BC, TJ, KGVS - interesting anons you have there!
sweet dreams whenever you all retire
hello to whoever arrives soon,
♥
Good night, Wendy. Pleasant dreams!
and wendy *smoooch* g'night
Dear Ergo,
I actually had an incredibly pleasant day, thank you. Not as productive as i would have liked, but the stars can't always be in alignment for perfect productivity.
Anons, don't know if you're still here, but if you are, I wanted to wish you a good night before you left. I know one of you said you were running off soon.
GV tics not ticks
Some of these anons make me laugh with their frothing at the mouth rages especially when it makes them say something completely ridiculous. I remember one time an anon basically said that K. was a bitch because she knew a lot of words and how to use them well, or something to that effect. I backed away from that one. Well, I'm going to head off to bed before the sun comes up, but nice to meet you Katherine.
*runs back in to give my honey bunch, ERGO, the biggest good night smooch of her life!
MWAH!!!!!!!!
Really? Ticks doesn't work?
Thank you for the correction. Tics.... I think it looks like its butt would get cold without that k but I'd rather use the correct spelling.
It was a pleasure talking to you, sleepy anon.
Hmmm. If I am Mayo, what else would I finally proclaim to my 'harem' here?
(Please don't call me anti-feminist, it's a joke)
I never meant to hurt any of you and if I have caused any pain or anxiety, it was not my purpose, ever. However, I am a mercurial being and sometimes get carried away in the tidal waves of my passions. Sometimes when I come on here and read your comments I forget to leave behind the doldrums of another soul sucking workday. When some of you misunderstand my words, I forget that what is clear to me when I write will not be clear to you. I forget that not everyone can see into my mind and my soul. I forget to write in a plain fashion raw emotive moments because I am so wrapped up in hiding myself from my physical world that I forget to turn off the cryptic-meter in this one.
At first, the rush, the thrill of the chase is what compelled me to continue posting here and watching your every word. I had inadvertently set up my own ant farm but with subjects infinitely more fascinating. Then I began to feel kindred spirits emerging from all of you and I was confronted with pangs of desire to actually communicate with some of you that I was not prepared for. Simultaneously, it began to frustrate me how everyone fixated on the question of my identity rather than the content of my words, the Truth I was actually allowing this anonymous little planet to see, frustrated at the negativity welling up from so many of these beautiful people about a man that had no real bearing on their lives. So, I hid. Made another home for myself in the hopes that it would give me the same thrill I had lost over at Mayo's. However, we all know how that turned out.
So, I returned, feeling broken and confused and ashamed while trying to deal with harsh energy from the people I actually knew in life. I was back at square one, alone and lonely and rejected by those I had hoped to win the favor of.
I tried to start over again.
Slowly, the core of my readers have returned for which I am imminently grateful. Now, though their presence and stories bring me joy, I grow tired of the game. No new angle I can think up sends the same glassy spill of excitement down my neck that it once did. I have been considering again whether to tell you who I really am, but now lost in a loose haze of whether it would even matter.
I do not yet know how this makes me feel.
Will my cycle of hope, dreams, disillusionment, cynicism, spark, hope.... ever end?
I fear nothing in this life will permanently make me happy and even at my age, every loss seems to cut a little deeper than the last.
Am I doomed to become yet another bitter and boring individual? I think I am beginning to believe that no one outside myself can save me. Yet all this talk that I must learn to love myself.... I can only ignore it for I would not even know how to get to the race to begin.
Hi Mayo & GV,
Just turned on my computer to check the sports results and thought I'd pop by. 2740 comments and no new post - have we been canned, d'ya think?
And now I'm off to get some milk for my morning latte. Have a nice day!
Kass xx
Katherine, though (my counter identity as you would so believe), has learned this truth. She has been through Hell and rather than wallowing, rather than moaning about the things she cannot change, has learned to love herself, fight like a vicious pack of rabid were-bats for the things she knows she can change and bow to the things that are out of her control. She has learned to smile, to cry, to frown, to rage, to know that, as the Hindus say, you create your own reality by altering how you interpret every situation. She has been through verbal, mental, phsyical, sexual abuse. Through liars, haters, hair pullers, biters. Through loves gone astray, lovers who loved for their image of her rather than herself. Through a life where she has never once had a person she could trust or lean on or call to get support. Through eating disorders, obsessive behavior, obsessive thought patterns. Yet you will now always see her with a genuine smile on her face, a righteously made beverage of your choice, the tightest hug that makes you fear for your life and when she says I Love You, she always means it.
I look at her and I experience.... deep confusion. She says that I can get there, but how? How could that ever be me? Wouldn't I be simply faking anew all over again? And though I say nothing, she says, come over here and I'll show you. Again, I say nothing. Her attitude and posts perplex me. Doesn't she see that I am hopeless? She says, if you only show yourself, you'll see it's not so bad out here in public. I remain silent. She cannot possibly understand what I am. Things I've done, my need for attention, my need for love that is a bottomless well that would eventually drain anyone and make them go away.
I look at her and I see a total mirror opposite of how I feel. I have no idea how to deal or assimilate anything she says to me.
However, I say as Mayo, there is no solid evidence that Katherine is my alternative identity. I do know that, speaking as Mayo, I did have a particular fondness for a quite a few of you at some point or another in this show. I try and leave a small token of appreciation to those who have caught my attention since September.
Bye, Kass! Mmmm, cow pus. Gotta love it.
And I have rambled to myself into time for another cigarette.
I love all of you so much. Be good to each other.
I leave several lickings in advance to greet you as you walk in this morning.
Oh, hell. An extra one for him, as well.
In a few hours!
well good morning mayo. i hope you are good and well. i thought i might be greeted by a new post but sadly no. not to worry, no doubt tomorrow morning.
hello SS how are you?? did you pop in briefly yesterday?? i thought i read you but i haven't really caught up.
good morning family! its a beautiful sunny, crisp and fresh morning in england. actually where has the morning gone its nearly midday!!
anyway i can't stop. quelle suprise!! so have lovely days everyone.
hey kass if you pop back in - how good was the man utd result yesterday!!! too fucking good! and oh how i smiled at the liverpool result! haha! and well done to your team also!
byee everyone.
i saw this on the gerard way forum.
its "shut up and play" live. very good. got the lyrics too. its nice to compare it to disenchanted.
Another sad song, with nothing to say
About a life-long wait for a hospital stay
If you believe that I'm wrong
This never meant nothing to you
I waited so long for someone to say
If you can move on
I'll never get you to stay
If you believe that I'm wrong
This never meant nothing to you
Another sad song, with nothing to say
About a life-long, wait for a hospital stay
If you believe that I'm wrong
This never meant nothing to you
And if you hold on
And need me to stay
You get the hard thoughts
Oh baby just the mistakes
Maybe we'll just
Shut up and play
It never did mean nothing to you
Never did mean...
Another sad song, with nothing to say
About a life-long, wait for a hospital stay
If you believe that I'm wrong
This never meant nothing to you
If you would hold on
And need me to stay
You get the hard thoughts
Oh baby just the mistakes
We never really got too much anyways
Yeah, yeah, yeah, just go
Just go, run away
Where did you run
Don't fight it just run away
Let it go...
And when you go, run don't walk
And when you sing, scream don't talk
Another sad song, with nothing to say
About a life-long
Wait for a hospital stay
We never really got too much anyways
Another sad song with nothing to say
About a life-long, wait for a hospital stay
Maybe we'll just shut up and play.
You never really got it
No you never really got it at all.
shut up and play
*liiiickkkk*
Um, wow, thanks GV for leaving the lick behind.
I liked what you wrote earlier. You write very perceptively.
Good morning everybody!
Hi FASC
Hi Kass
Hi to everyone peeking out behind their screens, HEEEELLLLOOOOOO! to anyone who thinks they are going to have a nice quiet sleep in, oh to heck with it...
*starts running around like a bored four yr old*
*bangs on door*
*lifts up duvet*
*when are you getting uuuuuppp?*
*I want to play*
*I'm hungry*
*I'm thirsty*
*I'm bored*
*Can I get in with you?*
*bounce*
*bounce*
*bounce*
*twiddles thumbs*
*wonders if everyone is nauseous from the early morning bouncing*
616 said,
To this day, KISS still puts on the best LIVE SHOW I've ever seen!!!!
That will make so many people happy down my way.
KISS, Alice Cooper, Poison, Whitesnake and Ozzy Osbourne are doing a mega concert here, in Wellington, over two nights.
I'm all like O_O ...why all of them? and why here of all places? We're at the bottom of the world!
Kapunua,
I enjoyed The Waste Land. With your enthusiam and joy of literature have you ever thought of passsing on your love and knowledge of it more formally in a learning environment? I think you would make a great University lecturer.
Oh, pollyandlucy was you *blush*! My lack of theatre knowledge flashed like a can-can dancer didn't it? Darn now I need to find another witness to present as evidence.
PH,
I think you actually managed to describe aspects of many people here when you described yourself. As Ergo said, some of us hold back a little so no one ever truely knows the real us.
The fact that you can understand yourself so well does make you more mature than most 15 year olds. I'm blowed if I was as together as you at your age.
Your soon to arrive niece/ nephew is going to be fortunate to have such a super Aunt.
OMGoodness, childhood toys and games were discussed.
I seriously didn't have a single board game growing up although my friends had most of the games mentioned. Knuckle bones, marbles - yes. Soccer and rugby balls, cricket gear, tennis rackets- yep.My siblings and I broke a lot of windows with backyard cricket.
Once a month we'd either go tramping in the bush or climb Mt Pirongia. Sometimes we'd go fishing at the beach or eeling in a farm stream. God I hate eels!
And then we'd just read and read and read books or play cards. It was a really simple childhood, but one where I learned a lot about nature. You can actually do all those things still here today. Looove NZ.
*twiddles thumbs round and round*
*forwards circles*
*backwards circles*
>_>
<_<
Righto. Catch you all later sleepyheads =)
'Night.
*scurries back with a reciprocal lick for KGVS, and a sneaky little tickle for everyone else dropping in*
Well hello everyone
I'm in the middle of a snowstorm. Holy crap where did this come from? And it just keeps snowing. Of course this means my Internet is gonna go soon. Why does that thought make me twitch? Could it be because I'm addicted to this place? Hope everyone has a good day. No strike that I KNOW I am addicted to Mayo’s. Just might as well admit it now.
Mayo
Remember to do something totally out of character. Something you would never have thought of before and go for it.
SS
It was so good to see you yesterday. The Beatles fan in me just wants to hug the stuffing out of you. Take care.
Elena
Mayo,
Morning to you, or should I say Good Middle of the Morning? Yeah, I slept waaaaaaaay late for me. I hope you are as giddy as a little lark. Me? I'm good except for the headache that stayed with me from last night. Must fight it off like a good soldier!!!
Dude, I sound positively insane this morning. Is this what sleeping late gets me? A brand new mouthy personality? Niiiiiice! Well, I am off to do all the shit that I didn't do in the week. Yeah, I use Sunday totally for all the wrong reasons. Is that why my life is always upside down and backasswards? No, surely there's another reason for the chaotic insanity bubbling over in my boiling hot mess.
Gives me something to ponder on today. You should do the same.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. Turn it all around.
Goodmorning everyone :)
I'm intentionally avoiding the comments made last night. But, I truly wish that the Anons, blue people disguised as Anons, or just regular old blue people would, in a nutshell, lay off Kapunua. Your voice has been heard, believe me. For the umpteenth time, I've read through your distaste and disregard. So, I just got it, and I get it. Only not just.
Mayo, we can stop this any time you want. You just need to say the word.
SS, uh, goo goo g'joob?
I will take it one step further.
Let's lay off each other. We all have a mouse and a little arrow and have the ability to scroll down.
If you don't want to read someone, then SKIP IT!
Damn, see how simple that is?
Nah, surely it can't be that easy.
Can it?
Let's respect each other.
Try to be open to all and everyone. If you shut the door on getting to know someone, you are shutting yourself off from what might just be the best thing that ever happened to you.
We all have so much we can learn from one another.
Let's try and remember that.
Wow?
Thank you for taking it one step further.
Let's at least try, please.
People have feelings and some are being torn down to the bare minimum. Your words and insinuations do hurt.
Please, just be mindful.
hello guys!
i must admit i didn't really have chance to catch up on the shitty anon comments. i saw a few. not pleasant.
i don't understand why some people feel the need to say such hurtful things.
anyway hope everyone is ok??
my computer is being an arse! i've got some security alert crap going on and i've just noticed my time is all fucked up so may be the 2 yr old has been turning off switches at the mains again???
little devil!
I see, and like anyone doesnt suspect kapunua for being both the anons?
Its obvious
So I'm not sure I can, or should address all of the issues here. Mostly just, thank you for everyone who said nice things to me. It means a lot especially because you don't have to do it.
As far as the stupid video is concerned, well this morning I toyed briefly with the idea of just taking it down so that no one could say anything about it. Then I said, "Wait, what?" I don't know, it was like I got possessed for a second.
Mean anons, I feel like you've put Mayo on the spot over this in a way that I couldn't have done just by posting it in the first place. Now, anything said about it is bound to be forced and really embarrassing. I hope that wasn't your aim.
Let's just forget it, yeah?
Katherine, wow, well done on the Mayo mind-reading. A lot of that made me go, O_O . Good points, all of them. Hey, do one on why Mayo hates me! ;D
And to be honest with you, I forgot when we argued. Was it over MWM? I think a lot of people said a lot of things back during that time that looking back they might not have said at any other time.
This whole blog is--wait, it's coming to me--is the box in the Schrodinger's Cat experiment. We're the cat and Mayo is our radionuclide, you get me?
It's intense and you just never know until you observe the truth. Meantime, here we are before the collapse of the wave function.
Gotta go shopping for a dress! Later.
Wait, what anons am I supposed to be now?
Okay, gotta go, later.
oh hi/bye K!
missed you there.
oh and anon @11.20am i really don't think kapunua could be bothered to do that!!
Mayo,
That tap, tap, tap you were talking about, remember?
I think that's the sound of us getting our buttons pushed.
Niiiiiiice!
I like when someone pushes my buttons. Strokes my keyboard. It makes me tingle.
Sometimes they even push the magic button.
Feel me?
Tap, tap, tap....I'm pushing your buttons now.
Kapunua you are all the ANON's and all of us (you’ve just been talking to yourself all these months) OH yeah you are Mayo too. Didn't want to forget that one. LOL
goodmorning everyone.
i cant stop i am off to the beach but i just wanted to wish you all a happy sunday.(cant believe it is sunday already yikes)
and last night i had fun wth you all until the mood turned sour. J you did not ruin the night so please do not think you did.
anon who are just hating at the moment. it is rude and disrespectful not only to kapunua but also to the other people in the blog. there was no need at ll for your words and i really wish you woke up this morning wishing that you could take them back.
lets give up the witch hunt on kapunua ok, if you do not like her then suck it up and skim. just move your mouse right on down but please donot come on here bashing her or any other person.
it is a form of bullying, and it is not nice. i am asking you all to please, please stop and think about what you say and how it may affect people.
i have just shouted so loudly at my pesky kids that i cracked my voice!! i'm croaking now!! god i hope the neighbours didn't hear!! eeek!
anyway i'm off to make their tea so i'll be back later!!
mayo don't post while i'm gone or i will have to beat you severely!!!
(obviously i'm just kidding mayo!!)
Good morning Mayonaise and fellow bloggers;
Today is a new day. Let's turn the page and leave all the things that happened yesterday, in the past. (seriously, what possessed me to say that?) As I'm sitting here in my chair, yawning and drinking coffee, I'm reading over some comments from earlier today. GV/Sparkle/Mayo, you actually made me laugh and you made my mind like boggle! You certainly do have a way with words!
PH,
I think you actually managed to describe aspects of many people here when you described yourself. As Ergo said, some of us hold back a little so no one ever truely knows the real us.
You know, it was difficult to bring myself to actually publish that comment. I was so close to deleting it, but I thought "What the fuck? People are probably reading to!" It turned out to be a little too late after about 10 seconds of deliberating.
The fact that you can understand yourself so well does make you more mature than most 15 year olds. I'm blowed if I was as together as you at your age.
Your soon to arrive niece/ nephew is going to be fortunate to have such a super Aunt.
Here's the thing, I may look put together, but like any other 15 year old, I don't know what the hell I'm saying half the time. I try my hardest to make sense, and I try my hardest to help others and help them understand. It really does make me happy to think that I've helped some of you in ways that I could never help myself. You know, I think that by knowing I'm going to be an Aunt, and that I'll have a little person looking up to me when it's older, I realized that I'm going to have to try and at least seem a little well thought out. I may not be the one pushing a baby out of my vagina, but it has changed me.
Now, enough of that. How is everyone this morning? Mayo, I find it a little peculiar that there's nearly 2800 comments, and that there is yet to be a new post in a few days. Is everything alright Mayonaise? I can't help but be worried about you. I am living in your home after all! ;) (serious question, I am worried)
Love much;
-007
EDIT:
"What the fuck? People are probably reading it*!"
Should read:
"What the fuck? People are probably already reading it*!"
Apparently, it's just me here right now. That frightens me, just a little.
*looks around corner*
Hello?
*sits in the middle of the floor and wraps arms and legs*
Mayonaise, are you around? If someone is around, please make a sound.
PH, You are an awesome young lady. Your words are very wise.
Hello there, PH :)
It is mighty quiet.
I hope everything's well with Mayo, too. Maybe just frustrated.
New word today, I'm sure of it.
You doing okay?
Well thank you "notmayo".
:) I'd just like to say, that you are awesome for saying that I am awesome, when really I am not.
Hey Mustard! *hug*
I am fine. Just a little bit tired. How are you?
I felt so stupid trying to sound that out. Honestly, I crack myself up sometimes.
Hello Oaymton :)
Hey, PH? Thanks for coming by. I sometimes feel like a stealer when I have to find someone else's words to try and describe the innerworkings of my head.
And it's great that you think I always have the right things to say, but it's never that way in my head.
Mustard,
I love visiting your blogs. Sometimes, it just takes someone else's thought process to finally bring out what you have to say. The fact that you found a quote from an amazing artist, is really cool.
That means a lot to me, PH. Thank you.
Knowing this makes me feel bad for not being able to make it to everyone's home and see what you guys are thinking.
There aren't enough hours in the day, eh?
I know what you mean Mustard. I just made it around to Miss T's blog, after thinking she was still away from the computer! I feel horrible if I don't make it to someones blog, and somethings wrong, and I'm too late to say anything to help.
Yes, exactly.
I guess that's why we stay here at Mayo's most of the time. We get all of the bad stuff out here so we can get lots of people's input at one time.
But, it would be nice to make it around to everybody's homes.
Hey Paper and Mustard
Paper could you please come and be best friends with my daughters? I would love for them to soak up your kindness and wisdom.
It really would be nice. =]
Not to say I haven't tried, but there's just so many people, so many blogs, so little time. It is easier to stay close to here sometimes.
I am super scary, right?
Hi ph!
Hi mustard!
Hugz to both of you!
Sdock! Elena!
You made your way inside :)
*jumps*
Sdock, you scared me!
*hug*
Elena, awwwh. I would if I could! =]
*hug*
Elena,
How's the weather?
So scary you made me squeal a little.
Kinda like, uh, "Ahh!"
I feel like spreading some of my crazy fucked up love today.
What do you guys feel like doing?
Mayo,
*tap, tap, tap*
I'm still pushing your buttons!!!
Niiiiice!
I'm glad I made you squeal, Mustard.
I aim to please!!
Sdock, I'm with you on that 100%! I'm always down for spreading some love, crazy or not!
Mind if I push one of Mayo's buttons?
*tap*
Ahh! That was not my thing to do. I'll leave that for you Sdock;)
It's snowing and snowing and snowing.
I want out in the sunshine! I want it to be warm again.
Hullo PH, Sdock, Mustard, and Elena :D
Have I missed anyone?
Awwh! I'll warm you up Elena! ;)
*gives elena a HUGE hug and wraps a blanket over her shoulders*
I'd start a fire for you in the fireplace, but I've had some bad experiences with fire. =]
Hey RW! =]
PH,
I'm sure he enjoyed that immensely!
Didn't you Mayo?
I want out in the sunshine! I want it to be warm again.
It's +6 C here today Elena, which is almost unheard of for Toronto in the winter.
*squeezes PH* :)
Elena,
Awwwh, I wish I could bottle up some sunshine and send it to you.
Hello RW!
"Aim to please." -- not quite sure how I should take this ;)
Elena:
Didja get that hot chocolate I sent you?!
RW, watch out, we got RAIN here in Winnipeg yesterday. More like sleet, but AHH!
lol.
Sdock, I'm sure he did! I'll push some more buttons later Mayo, I promise! ;)
I must go get ready for work. I'll be home around seven pm my time, eight mayotime. <3<3<3<3<3<3<3
*HUG*
Bye guys!
<3
Hi RW,
Want to push Mayo's buttons with us?
and spread crazy fucked up love?
Paper just being here with all of you warms my soul.
Oh and about probelms with fire. I went to load the stove, shoved a log in and sparks flew out. Do you know how bad hair smells when it burns?
Good morning!
PH!!!! Jules, Sdock, Elena, GS, etc. beautiful as always.
*squeezes Resurrected Wreck*
*runs away*
*runs back and hugs everyone*
*looks up at Mayo's tower*
*blows him a kiss*
<3
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