I am expended. I have given my soul to you and, without question, you deserve it. I am rewarded by my investment and I know I get more out of it than you. Regardless, at the end of the day, I know its worth.
I am reminded that not so long ago I was so afraid of death that I taunted it, begged it to take me on. For a little while, I allowed its insidious grip to hold my soul. I was seduced by chance and by choice.
Temptation will always tug at my better judgment. I have been successful at averting my attention from ruinous behaviors toward the seemingly benign. Still, I question whether I have just shifted gears rather than changed lanes.
Perhaps I will again fall prey to deaths seductive whisper and allow myself to be captured by the romance of self destruction. It is wise to consider that I tempt fate. The alternative is blind supposition.
For now I am anchored to the rocky bottom. I will drift, but I will not be carried out to sea.
p.s. it takes hours to come down and the fall may lead to my imperfection.
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I would like to credit the photographer and thank her for sharing her work.
Your words are what give value to this space.
Never do that again.
Yes, I am aware.
Art by: Toujours
No Contest
even if no one gets me, if i'm the only one laughing at my jokes, i won't hide myself away from life. it's uncertain and it's dirty and it's fucking exciting, and i want to be a part of all of it.
it's too good to waste in hiding.
toujours
February, 21, 2009 1:27 AM
it's too good to waste in hiding.
toujours
February, 21, 2009 1:27 AM
heart full
Today on my way home from class, I stopped off at the petrol station for some petrol. I paid on my card which wasn’t a lot, and then as I was getting into my car, I saw an old man walking past the building. He had a red and green stripy jumper which was frayed at the ends. He was also wearing some jeans that were dirty and had holes all over.
I sat there and became intrigued by him because I didn’t know what he was doing, so as I sat there and watched him, he continued doing what he set out to do.
He walked past the trash cans and first picked out a cup with some drink still in it (one of the cups that you get from burger king that has coke in it). He then walked over to the next trash can and pulled out the end of a half eaten sandwich. In my shock horror, he ate it and then went to sit on the wall to drink the drink he had found.
I felt sad, I wanted to give him my last $4 that I had but I was told when I was younger that you should never give people money, you should give them something they need or can use because that way, if they had an addiction, they would not be able to use the money for their addiction. So I went into the shop and bought a chicken sandwich from their deli counter and then walked out of the building.
The guy was still sat at the wall drinking his drink so I walked up to him and asked him if he would like this sandwich. He thanked me and said that he was hungry.
I should of felt good after that, doing something for someone else but all I could think of is where his next meal will come from or where in fact he will sleep tonight.
Fimble Star
September 30, 2008 8:08 PM
(Tonight, although I am cold and my feet are sore, my belly is full.)
I sat there and became intrigued by him because I didn’t know what he was doing, so as I sat there and watched him, he continued doing what he set out to do.
He walked past the trash cans and first picked out a cup with some drink still in it (one of the cups that you get from burger king that has coke in it). He then walked over to the next trash can and pulled out the end of a half eaten sandwich. In my shock horror, he ate it and then went to sit on the wall to drink the drink he had found.
I felt sad, I wanted to give him my last $4 that I had but I was told when I was younger that you should never give people money, you should give them something they need or can use because that way, if they had an addiction, they would not be able to use the money for their addiction. So I went into the shop and bought a chicken sandwich from their deli counter and then walked out of the building.
The guy was still sat at the wall drinking his drink so I walked up to him and asked him if he would like this sandwich. He thanked me and said that he was hungry.
I should of felt good after that, doing something for someone else but all I could think of is where his next meal will come from or where in fact he will sleep tonight.
Fimble Star
September 30, 2008 8:08 PM
(Tonight, although I am cold and my feet are sore, my belly is full.)
It helped.
Jennicula,
Thank you for sharing your story. Although it only appeared briefly, I was lucky enough to have caught it.
Once upon a time, for me, that was the best part of this place...having my words related back to me from another's perspective.
And it never mattered to me who said it, just that it meant something to the writer.
Thank you for sharing your story. Although it only appeared briefly, I was lucky enough to have caught it.
Once upon a time, for me, that was the best part of this place...having my words related back to me from another's perspective.
And it never mattered to me who said it, just that it meant something to the writer.
Blog header image by: Anima
I would like to credit the photographer and thank her for sharing her work.
something
Don't let anyone tell you how to live your life. Hold your head up high and be proud of who you are. If you've had a shitty day and you feel like people just don't want you to be happy, and when you find yourself struggling to make it through the day, just keep on believing and keep the faith. Also, from personal experience, don't push people away. When they say they want to help and that they are there for you, let them in. Believe me, I know how fucking scary that thought is, but don't shut others out.
paperheartxx
September 22, 2008 11:07 PM
paperheartxx
September 22, 2008 11:07 PM
Retro-spectacled
Sometimes, when you look back on stuff in your life, you know, the crap that makes you shake your head and say, "Holy shit, what the Hell was I thinking?" it's part of what makes you - you.
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I have made small mistakes and really big, fucking scary mistakes. Would I change those mistakes and blunders?
No. Wanna know why?
Because they make me - me. They help make up the person that I am, what I've learned the hard way. Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and have become a better person for it. And, hopefully I don't repeat those same mistakes. Although, sometimes I repeat variations of certain ones, but I'm working on that. :)
Jennicula
June 11, 2008 11:19 AM
I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. I have made small mistakes and really big, fucking scary mistakes. Would I change those mistakes and blunders?
No. Wanna know why?
Because they make me - me. They help make up the person that I am, what I've learned the hard way. Hopefully I've learned from my mistakes and have become a better person for it. And, hopefully I don't repeat those same mistakes. Although, sometimes I repeat variations of certain ones, but I'm working on that. :)
Jennicula
June 11, 2008 11:19 AM
aloft
Blazing against the sun
like locusts,
samaras swarm the sky
and skitter to an earthly end,
dry
like clever words.
I want to make them fly up,
flip heaven upside down
and dance across the top of hell
and sing your thoughts
to the sound of thunder
that you love so well,
rip open the littered sky
and bathe in the light
or draw across the firmament
the blanket of the night.
In only a day they have
covered the ground,
their brief flight
yielding nothing permanent
on infertile land,
a fleeting moment of swarming glory
that calls to mind our own
short story:
Diamonds and petals,
the loom and the light,
the inkdark moon, foxfire marsh,
an open, waiting hand.
Clever winged seeds
of childhood reminiscent--
and like the idiot grown-up heart,
as stubbornly indehiscent.
Weaver Girl
May 26, 2008 11:27 PM
like locusts,
samaras swarm the sky
and skitter to an earthly end,
dry
like clever words.
I want to make them fly up,
flip heaven upside down
and dance across the top of hell
and sing your thoughts
to the sound of thunder
that you love so well,
rip open the littered sky
and bathe in the light
or draw across the firmament
the blanket of the night.
In only a day they have
covered the ground,
their brief flight
yielding nothing permanent
on infertile land,
a fleeting moment of swarming glory
that calls to mind our own
short story:
Diamonds and petals,
the loom and the light,
the inkdark moon, foxfire marsh,
an open, waiting hand.
Clever winged seeds
of childhood reminiscent--
and like the idiot grown-up heart,
as stubbornly indehiscent.
Weaver Girl
May 26, 2008 11:27 PM
Electric Blue
…today I saw a ulysses butterfly it was in our yard and settled to feed on our hibiscus. They really are fantastically beautiful things, the electric blue is amazing, however as they sit with their wings closed they are rather nondescript and dull. Sometimes people are like that, from the outside they seem unappealing but within there hides an amazing beauty for those lucky enough to see it. I hope you appreciate beauty in all things, and look for it perhaps where others miss it.
ergoproxy
April 29, 2008 4:45 AM
ergoproxy
April 29, 2008 4:45 AM
LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL.
I read your post again and suddenly without warning memories of construction paper filled my head. I remembered all the lop-sided flowers my girls made when they were young. Bright blue, yellow and pink flowers that were cut out with blunt end scissors would fill the windows to decorate for Easter. An occasional bunny was attempted but those usually ended up looking like creatures from a horror movie. Flowers were so much easier. I can close my eyes and hear the paper being cut into petals. I can smell the Elmer’s glue squirted on in huge blobs to attach each misshapen petal to form the flowers. We had a huge arts and crafts box full of wonderful items just waiting for their imaginations to turn into something wonderful. In my mind I see my daughters, as they once were, small, blond little girls sitting on the floor surrounded by scraps of paper and other art supplies. They would create their masterpieces then proudly show each other. Oh and Lord the messes that would ensue if the glitter made an appearance. Now, the box is forgotten. I’m not really sure where it even is anymore. The few flowers so lovingly created that survived are faded and dusty and high on a shelf they sit. Time marches on, so many things get left behind.
Today was the first Easter I spent alone. I don’t think it really upset me until I remembered the construction paper flowers. Of course I understand that my daughters are growing up and have lives of their own. But understanding doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I miss my little girls in their frilly Easter dresses. I miss the laughter that filled the house when they found what the Easter Bunny left for them. And I miss making the damn flowers.
Elena
March 24, 2008 3:57 AM
Today was the first Easter I spent alone. I don’t think it really upset me until I remembered the construction paper flowers. Of course I understand that my daughters are growing up and have lives of their own. But understanding doesn’t make it any easier to accept. I miss my little girls in their frilly Easter dresses. I miss the laughter that filled the house when they found what the Easter Bunny left for them. And I miss making the damn flowers.
Elena
March 24, 2008 3:57 AM
From the corner.
I wonder if you noticed
all our friends playing
Some had never tried before
and the result was amazing.
Poems from the corner
from the left and right
We did our best to keep them flowing
Late into this night.
If nothing else was accomplished
I hope we made someone see
How truly beautiful and amazing
a poem can be.
Sdock10
March 13, 2008 11:36 PM
all our friends playing
Some had never tried before
and the result was amazing.
Poems from the corner
from the left and right
We did our best to keep them flowing
Late into this night.
If nothing else was accomplished
I hope we made someone see
How truly beautiful and amazing
a poem can be.
Sdock10
March 13, 2008 11:36 PM
Thank You. Truly.
"This little world has grown around us, out of nothing, and it is a remarkable thing. Even the dark and dirty parts, the violent parts. Humanity will not thrive without passion."
Redrum
March 1, 2008 3:13 AM
Redrum
March 1, 2008 3:13 AM
Uncondensed
Your words are what give value to this space.
Never do that again.
Yes, I am aware.
Character Advocacy.
"Don't ever pretend to be something you're not. You are who you are, and no one can change that. The people who don't like the real you are just gonna have to suck it. Don't take shit from anyone. Don't crumble. Throw a few birds, and walk on.
I'm still trying to do this, so maybe we can work on it together."
mustardisbetter
January 16, 2008 4:48 PM
I'm still trying to do this, so maybe we can work on it together."
mustardisbetter
January 16, 2008 4:48 PM
Art by: Toujours
“I decided to stop pitying myself. Other than my eye, two things aren't paralyzed, my imagination and my memory.”
Jean-Dominique Bauby
Jean-Dominique Bauby
2,127 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 600 of 2127 Newer› Newest»Class, I can see you and I do have ears. However, I am willing to overlook your mischief as you have all been keeping your grades up and attendance has been outstanding. Also, I am in rather a good mood.
Carry on.
Sir, thankyou sir!
That is really considerate of you Professor Anon. Thank you! :D
*BC tries to sneak up behind GS, holding a bowl of oatmeal in her hands in order to pour it on GS's head, but doesn't know if it will work* hehe
Yes, sir!
*blows a kiss at his turned back*
;)
*whispers to gnothi*
pssst. hey. i've never worn a schoolgirl uniform before. is it supposed to be this tight?
*squirms a little*
* leans down to get something from bag *
* sees shadow out of the corner of eye*
Oh, hello BC, did you want something?
oh awfully so GS!
In fact the whole first 11 are quite spiffing..
however I have my eye on the cox...
...of the rowers of course!
and thank you prof
*blinks eyes a la "Raider's of the Lost Ark"*
TJ - absolutely, and you've got to do your tie so that the thick bit is really short and hangs at a jaunty angle. Skirts should be as high as decency allows. Blazers can be worn inside out as long as the profs don't see. Tights or stockings are allowed but I prefer the thigh high socks, coloured if you can get away with it.
*GS is leaning down, while BC dumps the bowl of oatmeal on her head, and then quickly runs away to safety* ^______________________________^
In fact the whole first 11 are quite spiffing..
They look lovely in their whites * sigh *
Their cox, he's divine. I must say I have a soft spot for small men. They're so ...
... flexible!
*hopes prof isn't coming around with skirt measuring stick*
TJ your hat must also never look as though it is brand new, or it shall be thrown under the wheels of the bus to break it in.
Badges must be polished.
Do we have a seperate sports tunic?
Eeeek!
* hand up*
May I be excused Sir, I have something white and sticky all over me?
* evil glare at BC *
Aw I'm sorry GS. I thought it'd be fun to dump oatmeal on you ^_^
oh GS a flexible cox is every girls dream
(is amazed she went there *blushes*)
and I've always felt sorry for the coxless guys ;)
*takes notes on gnothi's and ergo's advice*
*checks off each point*
i think i'm doing okay then! I just hope the buttons on this shirt don't pop...
*tugs on thigh-highs to tighten them*
Do we have a seperate sports tunic?
I bally well hope so!
Also, if you are made prefect, you must abuse your authority at every given chance, usually in the guise of letting the St. Columban boys into the 5th form dormrooms after lights out and turning a blind eye to smoking behind the greenhouse.
you must abuse your authority at every given chance
-------------------------------------
That sounds good to me GS ^_^
Ergo,
LAUGH OUT LOUD!!
Oh, my stars!!!
BC - not at all my dear, I'm sure it was an accident :)
* slips whoopee cushion onto BC's chair un-noticed *
and sneaking the communion wine?
If we have house colours I want to be red
(I was in frigging green every bloody school - AND when I was a teacher!!!)
TJ you look perfect.
Seriously, where the hell are you? 22:00.
hey guys, how are you all
i am all clean from a nice shower
[raises hand]
jen, are you following me
GS, how could you?! Lol
*Sneaks a pack of cherry bombs in GS' purse* he he
Hello hello Fimbl!! Hello anon
Hi Jen
BC
Yes, Fimble. I follow you everywhere.
Ergo - you wanna be red, you be red.
I was a Norman/yellow in middle school and an Osprey/green in upper school!
Hiya Fim :)
TJ - popped buttons complete the look!
Hi Jen :)
Anonymous - ?
hey bc, hey gs,
jen you just want my babies?
gs did you see the amazing result today. i bet you did ;)
Hi BC.
You know, I've been wondering. Every time you change your name, do you change your hair color too or something like that in real life? You're like a chameleon.
BC - oh, I dare. Cherry bombs is it? They are sweets in this country, I'm presuming they're not in America?
Looks like Fimble has her own stalker now ^_^
Fim - no, sorry, what result?
Hi Jen and Fimble!
anon what did you mean?
22:00 = 10 pm?
oh i am sorry ergo, HELLO
gs, manchester united won today. 3-1 i have been bouncing all day.
bc you better believe i have my stalker and i beat her trollop arse any time any day
did you hear that hahahaha
(you know i love you)
Jen, lol. I had a couple of people telling me that I was like a chameleon because I keep changing my name alot, but surprising, in real life, I only died my hair once. It's kinda incredible.
GS-sure, we have cherry pies and all of that sweet stuff, but there's firecrackers that's sold over here called cherry bombs. They're shaped exactly like cherries, except that people light them up during the summer.
Good evening class. It has been a pleasure as usual. I could come back at any time to check on you, so be prepared.
Goodbye for now.
Fim - yay! Great result. I'm sorry, I don't watch the footie. FASC will be pleased as well, she's a red isn't she?
BC - I have fireworks in my bag?!?!? GAH!
I'm going to have to head off. It's 1.26 am, school tomorrow!!
Have fun chaps, jolly hockey sticks and all that. Love to the St. Columban boys, 'specially Jonty ;)
so what we up to tonight?
Goodbye Professor Anon
Hi Ergo
thanks gs and yes fasc is a devil to. nighty night hun
xx
Good night sir.
BC - I have fireworks in my bag?!?!? GAH!
--------------------------------------
Hee hee, GS, yep, you have fireworks in your bag ^___________________^
Goodnight and sweet dreams to you!
You all know me.
You don’t know that I am bulimic. I do not intend on quitting until I become thin.
I just want to be beautiful.
anon, i dont know what to say on that cos i have never experienced it but evryone is beautiful inside and outside. inside more importantly. are you ok?
Anon, whoever you are, you ARE beautiful. But if you are bulimic, I think you should get some help, before the problem becomes more serious.
hey guys i am going into lurking cos i have an exam to do online. i will be in and out tonight ok
xx
If you want to lose weight, the most important thing you should do is get plenty of exercise, eat healthy, and cut back on junk food. But regardless of that, anon, feel free to talk to us about anything. We are here to listen
I am not beautiful.
I am not okay.
Fimble, thanks for letting us know.
Anon, yes you are. No matter what you or others say, you are beautiful. Looks do not define real beauty. Real beauty is what you have on the inside, the things that make you YOU.
anon, i can't tell you what to do, but just be careful, ok? take care of yourself too. that's dangerous.
Look, I might have said some regrettable things today, but that will not stand in the way of trying to help someone, and anon, I am here to help you, in whatever way I can.
Regarding your situation, you are not alone.
good evening Professor Anon
*said in school sing song way*
anon if we know you and you'd know us and we are all sorts of shapes and sizes and looks and ages.
If you want to lose weight you have to be sensible, there is no quick fix. if it took years to put it on it can't come off faster.
Do some exercise everyday, cut down on carbohydrates and refined food, eat more fruit and veges, yoghurt, nuts and things. Avoid fried and highly processed foods.
Or see a dietitian and get good advice.
Bulimia is a vicious cycle, it doesn't change the habits you have already, and sets up cravings and despair.
It also damages your body far more than you probably imagine.
But look at everyting in your life, if you feel the need to control your weight it is probably the symptom of something else, and also, being skinny doesn't make people happy, that is from inside, but if you wish to lose weight do it sensibely and look at your body type and what is healthy for you.
I'd love to be taller but there's nothing I could do about it, it's just my body.
And if anyone just sees your body and decides on whether you are of value then they have serious problems with reality.
just catching up -- so good night gnothi, thank you for your help!
and good bye, professor, thanks for welcoming me into your class!
Anon, are you still here?
That last comment of mine sounded like I was talking to just myself. I'm such a dork lol
Well, I get to make one last comment for the night. YAY! Go Princess!
Professor Anon - Dude, I'm not the best student to be honest. I always slept in class. I'm sure you'll pass me just because I'm a princess, right? Sure you will. ^_~
Anon,
Everyone has issues. I can't say that I totally understand what you're going through but I do know what it's like to be focused on how you look. I do it every single day. I make jokes here and call myself vain but really, it's true. I constantly worry about what I look like. Is my hair just right, do my clothes fit perfect, all that stuff. I just want you to know there all people that understand and I hope you can find the help that you need. Really, I do. If there's anything I can do just let me know, okay?
Mayo,
Sweet dreams.
SS,
Dude, you left me passed out on my desk. Wassup with that? Nah, just playin'. Keep honkin'. We hear you. ^_^
Love ya to pieces.
Good night BlogBelieve!
XOXO,
S&V20
Please understand. It is not easy.
I am desperate.
I’ve never, not once, been told that I am beautiful. Do you realize how much that hurts?
Goodnight princess smoke
Mayo,
Good evening, my friend, how are you doing? I hope you are doing better than you thought you ever could be. Me? I'm pretty good. Had myself a fairly nice weekend with no drama. I think he and I almost reconnected. Almost.
Mayo, it's time for me to take your words and run with them. Will you allow me a few minutes to do so? Thanks. This post speaks directly to me because it feels like something I would write. I know all about giving your soul away. I leave pieces of mine everywhere. Why should we keep any for ourselves, right? Well, maybe we should keep just a little tiny piece, a piece we keep just for ourselves.
Mayo, do you taunt death in order to feel more alive? Not because you want to die, but because you are trying desperately to live? I guess what I am trying to say is that it's the feeling. You will do anything to keep on feeling. An adrenaline rush, a love rush, a success rush, a drug rush, a sex rush....it's all temporary, but it fills the void for a little while. And for a little while, you almost have it all figured out. This life thing...it's easy. You understand it, but the feeling doesn't last. And so you begin searching again...you're empty. You're drained. This can't be all there is. And the search continues.
Am I aware that this is a fucked up way of looking at life? Of course I am. Does it stop me? No, it doesn't. I can't even begin to name all the self destructive things I have tried....done to myself. I guess pain has its own rush. It washes over you, your heart beats, tears come to surface, and you release. And it begins to build again...until the next time.
Anchored to the rocky bottom? Well, I can appreciate the truth in that statement....of someone who knows exactly where he sits. I wonder who sits in the boat with you. I wonder if you can see anything but the vastness of the treacherous sea. I wonder if you would pick up that anchor and try a new spot. I wonder what would happen if you fell out of the boat.
If I were in that boat with you, I would probably drown trying to save you. And I think you understand why....
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. Right back where you started.
I’ve never, not once, been told that I am beautiful. Do you realize how much that hurts?
Yeah, it does hurt.
I know.
But, on the other hand, we want you healthy.
Anon, we will do our best to try to understand, don't worry. Whatever you have or want to say, you are free to do so. I can't speak for the others, but I will have my ears pent up in order to hear you out.
And the truth of the matter is, nothing in life is easy. Everyone has problems, and sometimes it can be daunting to face them head on, but the most important thing is to have someone who can give you all of the support and encouragement that you may need in order to face those demons head on because you cannot face them alone.
Don't be ashamed of your problem. There are others out there who share the same as you, and you are already beautiful because you took the time to speak to us about it and address the problem head on.
You did a wonderful thing by taking that first step. Admitting the problem. So now, tell me, what do YOU want to do in order to fix it?
Unfortunately, we live in a society where beauty is held in high regard, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If someone cannot see you as the great person you are, then that is their problem, not yours.
anon I never had a boyfriend until I was 21!
partly because I was shy but I spent many hours and diary pages wondering why noone ever asked me out. I had male friends but none of them seemed to ever want me that way.
Plus I was assualted at 20 by a guy I thought actually liked me.
But I survived it, it was hard but I had good friends and I survived.
And so there are people who understand but honestly harming yourself in a quest to be "beautiful" isn't the answer. And you could really hurt yourself and your future health.
Could you extend your circle of friends? Try a new sport or hobby?
You might meet people who help you see yourself without such a critical eye.
SS - i hope that you have a look at the present you left for us all. we HONKED on there and i hope you see all the kind and caring words. you know how we feel.
Ergo, I'm sorry to hear about what happened with that guy. How stupid of him to do such a thing.
Anon, we're hear for you. Always remember that.
Anonymous:
Sdock10, from the porch, wants me to tell you that she wants to help to and that she is listening to you, but she can't get over here to let you know that.
We are all here for you.
Some of us are very good at listening, while others are very good at giving advice.
We all have big hearts, so if you need to tell us anything that you don't want on the blog, there are email contacts posted in nearly all of our profiles.
Please don't hesitate, okay?
anon, sometimes it seems like everything is tied up with if one is beautiful or not. i think like that too, i'm sorry to say. i've only been in one relationship, and now that i'm single again, i'm sure that i don't measure up anymore. game's over for me.
so i can understand the desire to be beautiful. if only i was pretty enough, i think.
but don't hurt yourself in that quest, okay? there are so many ways to lose weight that are healthy. and think how proud you'll be of yourself if you do it that way.
what mustard said, goes for me too. our emails are on our profiles.
take care of yourself, yes?
TJ:
Why do you think your game is over?
Thank you all for your kindness. I love you guys.
I will remember what you have said. I will try, I promise.
Anon?
Please take care of yourself.
Remember. Anything you need, and you can tell us, okay?
WARNING!!!
30 seconds to mars review!!!
Its LONG!!!!
Quite possible the best night of my life - 30 seconds to mars
Ohmygod tonight was the most perfect night ever. My mind is racing so fast it will be hard to describe everything that occured but i will try.
Got to Manchester at about 8.30pm, which was later than we had planned. Missed the opening act but i have no clue who was supporting anyway so it didnt really matter. When we got into The Academy it was already packed we made our way as far to the front as people would allow us. We ended up about 10 heads away from the front, dead centre, but some really tall guy, like 6'4 was blocking our view. I saw an opening and dragged my best friend Baz through, some guy got really shirty and started yelling at me even though i had said excuse me and there was a gap. He was giving me shit eyes and yelling "Why?" LOL. Other friends Baz and Lauren tried to get through but the asshole guy wouldnt let them so we lost them for the whole gig.
By now it was about 9pm and because of the other reviews i had read from previous nights on the 30STM Uk tour i didnt expect them to come on stage till 9.45pm. I also was expecting a 45 minute set and no songs from the self titled album to be played. As that was what occured the previous nights. How wrong was i????
They came onto the stage at approximately 9.15. O Fortuna was playing whilst there were 30stm logo holograms being projected onto red flags and slowly behind those flags we could make out the shadows of the band. The crowd were going wild and i was so excited, i havent felt such a rush for a long time.
The curtain/flag things went up to reveal the band and they went straight into Battle of One, everyone was going mental, Jareds voice was fucking amazing im in awe of the power and passion he has in his voice. Its incredible.
After "Battle of One" he told the audience he had spent all of the day vomiting in a hotel room and was sick but that he was gonna do his best and try and put on a good show. When he said this i felt slightly saddened that he was sick because it only confirmed in my head that it would be a 45 minute set. It didnt occur to me that they started at 9.15pm so they would be finishing extremely early if it was only 45minutes.
I thank every God, and every planet that alligned tonight , anything that needs thanking that made them play for 1hour 15 minutes, maybe it was even more than that but i was so lost floating around in musical heaven to even acknowledge the time.
My friend Baz was stood directly behind me the whole gig and he took most of my videos for me cause i have a habit of dancing and wriggling around to much to ever get a good shot of whats happening on the stage. I generally spend all concerts on my tip toes cause im only regular height so on my tip toes i can see over peoples heads.
Tonight though Baz was wearing his new "New Rock" boots so he suggested that i stand on them as they are steel toe capped, so i spent all night stood on the front of his boots with him holding onto me with one hand whilst videoing with the other hehe. God I love him.
Next i think they played "Saviour". I could be wrong though. I will have to check the setlist but from what i remember it went a little something like this:
Battle of One, Savior, From Yesterday, Beautiful Lie, and then......
I heard some strange noises and my head was frantically trying to put the noises to a song and then it began... "this is the life on mars" and i was like "Holy shit!!! Its "Buddah for Mary" and i think i probably squeeled, jumped around on Bazs shoes haha and then was overjoyed that a song of the first album was being played. I fucking loved it.
Jared had such a stage presence. He spent the majority of the night with his arms in the air in a "Fuck yeah i am God" pose haha or spinning around with his guitar. He looked really swarve too. He had his hair slicked back and was wearing a nice white shirt and lots of eyeliner. I couldnt believe i was actually seeing 30 Seconds to Mars in the flesh, i kept having to pinch myself and Im sure i had the stupidest grin on my face throughout the entire gig.
Next they played "The Kill"and the whole crowd went wild. I came out in goosebumps all over my body and i actually thought i was gonna cry. His voice echoed throughout my soul and shook me to the core. It was amazing. He actually sang the majority of the song too, i had read that he generally lets the crowd sing it but not tonight. And i was so thankful for that. I was singing my little heart out haha. He dived into the crowd after the oooh oooh oooh oooh bit and people were grabbing at him but he didnt stay there for long haha. I got a really good look at his face and he is a lot more beautiful in real life i think.
Next he dedicated "R-Evolve to "The Echelon" and thanked them for there support over the years. I got goosebumps again when he sang the "Does it feel like we've never been alive" bit. Dont know why but that line always brings me out in a shiver.
I think "The Story" was next although i am probably wrong, and then maybe attack and then there are a few songs missing in this little space, i just cant remember the order at all hahaha.
At this point i think they left the stage and i thought well thats it and i prayed it wasnt but if it had of been i would have been fully satisfied, especially cause i hadnt expected "Buddah for Mary".
I was wrong though i think they had left the stage so Jared could change guitars and play a few songs on his own kinda semi-acoustically. I say semi because he was still using an electric guitar but the rest of the band wasnt there.
He chatted to the crowd for awhile and told us we were the best city on the UK tour so far and everyone cheered. He asked us how many more songs we wanted and everyone was screaming at him and all i could here was people shouting "ten" haha and i thought good answer. He thanked us for making this show Sold out and then said "Im gonna play a song now and i will probably fuck it up but i will try!" and then he went straight into "Capricorn" and everyone cheered and i was screaming "ohmygod" at Baz and he was laughing at me. I was so fucking happy and i had goosebumps again, i especially love Jareds voice on this song, its just beautiful. That mans voice owns my soul.
I was hoping throughout the whole set that "Echelon" would be played but i wasnt really keeping my hopes up for it, i knew chances were slim to none. But once again i was amazed because he went straight from "Capricorn" into "Echelon" and i was like "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!!" and he started singing and i got this fucking weird feeling throughout my whole body, like someone had walked over my grave but in a good way if that makes sense. His voice pierced through my hear tand i was completely overwhelmed at the beauty of it all. My eyes filled up with tears, tears of happiness and sheer awe. A few rolled down my cheeks as shivers went down my back. That single moment was one of the most perfect i have ever felt in my life. My words cannot do it justice.
That song ended and he left the stage and i thought that was it. And once again if it were, it was the most perfect night ever. I thought there mustnt be no signing this time because he never mentioned it. I was too happy to feel dissapointed.
The crowd were screaming for more and after a minute they came back out and took there places on the stage. All the time i was thanking every fucking thing imaginable that they were back again!!!
Some girl shouted at Jared to take his shirt off and everyone laughed but Jared must have heard and he slowly unbuttoned his top two buttons and everyone was screaming hahaha i cant remember if any of my thoughts were comprehendible at this moment. LOL
They told us they would be having a signing after the show and i was like "fuck yes!!!!" Could this night get anymore perfect?
Then it did!!! They played "The Mission" and i think i died hahaha. There was a massive mosh pit right next to me for that song but luckily no-one came near me so i was free to just mosh around. I was gutted that the batteries died in the camera at this point. Jared ended up in the crowd again for this song. he actually ended up in the crowd about four times but i cant really remember which songs.
Then, ohmyfucking God!!! They played "Hunter" and i was like no way!!!! I really didnt expect it, not at all and his voice soared and soared it was amazing. They had some cool lasers whilst this song was being played it was very atmospheric. The last song of the night was "The Fantasy" and it had an extended middle part, it seemed to go on for like 8 minutes or something not that i was complaining.
Seeing 30stm tonight was the single best musical experience of my life. It was 100% better than what i had imagined. They blew my mind. And they completely blew every other band i have seen out of the water. Even MCR.
I knew when they left the stage this time that it really was the end so me and Baz made our way over to the side we thought the signing would be on. I bought a poster for £3 which was reasonable and then we queued. The security was grabbing people and trying to make an orderly queue but it was near impossible as the whole gig wanted to get stuff signed and that was approx. 3000 people. We were shunted around for ages and we were near the front of the queue to begin with but after about 4 different moves by security we ended up near the middle haha.
I think we ended up queueing for 40minutes but it was cool. I was still buzzing from the gig and having a laugh with Baz and chatting to others in the queue. I kept glancing over to the signing table and they were all wearing Latex gloves and there seemed to be a lot of high fiving going on haha.
As we got closer it dawned on me that i was gonna be in front of them in a short while and i felt sick with nerves. I knew what i wanted to say to them but i was racked with images of me falling over when i got to the table haha or trying to speak and not succeding LOL.
Finally i was there and i passed Shannon my ticket to get signed and i said it was a really great show and thankyou and he smiled at me and said he was glad. My ticket was passed to Tomo. I stood there wondering whether to repeat what i said to Shannon to him but he spoke first and told me he loved my stars around my eyes. (they are just these little silver stick on stars that i wear at the side of my eyes) i said thankyou and felt chuffed haha. Then my ticket was passed to Jared and he scribbled on it but he was chatting to Tomo at the same time and i was like ohno!!! I felt that my oppurtunity had passed but i was like Fuck that so i stood there and began to speak. I said "Thankyou for playing "Echelon", it was beautiful and it made me cry" and he looked into my eyes (ohmygod!!!) and my heart stopped. His look was mesmerizing, it was warm and sincere. His eyes....WOW!! He said "thankyou so much that means a lot" and smiled and i smiled back and without me realising my legs were taking me away from the table!!! STUPID LEGS!! Lol.
As i walked away i was still looking into his eyes and he was still looking at me and he raised his hand and did this cute little wave. Now if this had all been in slow motion it would have felt earth shattering i think haha i would have swooned but in reality it all happened really quickly and it was just plain nice. I got approximately 5 feet away from the table and realised i got no high fives!!
I tryed to turn back and claim my high five at least off Jared as he was closest to me but i realised that ship had sailed. And to be honest i didnt need the high five. The night was absolutely perfect as it was. I feel blessed. I floated all the way home. It was the best night of my life.
I will upload my amazing videos tomorrow. Hahaha this has took me 2 hours to write!!
anon, i know you'll try, and you'll do well, i know it! we're here to supplement your strength when you need us, okay?
anytime.
you can lean on me, and i know i'm not the only one to feel like that.
♥
Dear Mayo,
You have come to us, your Family, with your troubles. We are here for you, honey, as we will be whenever you need us.
As usual, I don't know what you're hurting over. That's not the important thing. What IS important is that you're telling us, I'm trying to stay away from the things that have given me false comfort in the past. I'm having a hard time doing it, too, but with your help I can make it. It's always there, that lure, that quiet, insidious voice that says "youcannotcopewithoutme" and "iamyourclosestfriend".
The knowledge that you tempt fate is the key to our vigilance. We will stand strong with you, we will encourage you to face your troubles head-on, clear-minded, clean. We will fight with you to turn away the temptation. Whatever it takes, we will do it, because you are Family, you are ours, and we love you.
L will come on later to talk with you, too. She's not had the best day today, but she is thinking of you and keeping you close in her heart.
My brother, this is not insurmountable. The fact that you have come to us to let us know you're tempted is a milestone in itself. Do not falter. You are stronger than your demons.
Please, hold on. Keep looking at the light. It's shining, shining for you.
I love you.
J
Hi mustard
Hey BC :)
Everything okay?
Anon: Please stick around. I know you might not want to, but it's okay to sign in if you feel comfy enough. No one is going to judge you for this. We've all got some issues, some of them more serious than others. You know, go back and read about all my flaws and issues. Most of us have something going on like this. Mayo sure as hell does, too. So, you're not alone.
I do hope you will get yourself some help though. You say you don't want to stop, but then you wrote about it, so you must know it's not a good thing for you to be doing, huh? So, think about getting help, okay?
SIM, I'm just about to read your long review. HOOTAH! :D
shame in me, what a great recap of your concert! it sounds truly fantastic! i laughed out loud when you wrote "stupid legs!" -- you're funny!
:D
Aww your welcome anon. I love you too. Remember, if there is anything else that you need to talk about, always feel free to come and speak to us here, and we will try our best to help you and give you advice. You can always try emailing as well if you like.
Shame in me, where the FUCK have you been?!!? :D
BC
Here here OP J. How are you? I sent you an email the other day, but I'm not sure if you received it or not.
I am doing okay Mustard. Thanks for asking :)
WOW SIM that sounds amazing
love how a few seconds can seem like ages.
what brilliant memories to have!!
anon do please try.
Hi OP's!
Hi BC, we did get it, and we're still working on responses to all our mail. We get behind so easily...:)
You know what? L and I both are just so proud of you for turning your life around. I've been reading some of your comments here tonight, and it strikes me how much you've grown. Other people could learn a thing or two from you.
You're a real fighter, and we love you!
J
oh and I am so sorry I didn't respond last post but I hadn't read it before now as I was on this one.
Thank you to everyone who expressed condolences, It's so nice of you.
I am ok, I didn't know him well, but my friend will naturally be really upset. And everytime we drive into town we see the police markings on the road.
A sober reminder.
Hi Ergo! How's Down Under today?
Hi Anon, I second or third that invitation. If you need to talk, L and I are here too. Shoot us an email and we'll do what we can to help, ok? Take care of yourself. You're not alone.
J
SIM, oh dude, I'm so glad they put on the kind of show they did. They are so utterly amazing. Every single time I've seen them Jared's said he was sick. >_< But I am SO glad you got Capricorn and Buddha. And THE MISSION! Oh my god, awesome! I'm so glad you witnessed that.
I'm really glad you got your stuff signed and got to meet them, too. Yup, Jared looks you dead in the eyes when he talks to you. Of course he does, he's got basilisk eyes. ^_^
I can't wait for your pics! ANd I'm so glad you had the time of your life. :D
ive been a bit depressed bc so ive been having some time out but i think i will be happy for a year after tonight LOL i gotta go bed soon ive worn myself out but i will be back at mayos again. Ive missed you all
Kapunua i got echelon!!!! Thats all i ever wanted!!
I cant wait till you see my videos you will cum!!! Hahahahahah
I feel like i should be thanking you Kapunua. Not sure what for. Maybe for sharing your reviews with me and enthusiasm. Maybe just cause i have thanked everything tonight but thankyou ♥
hey J!
Down Under is hot and humid with a light breeze
lol - you cannot say anything with down under in it without sounding dirty!
and we may have storms later, it's the Australia Day public holiday today as it fell on a saturday this year.
And I just had a beautiful banana and peach smoothie for lunch.
Aww shucks OP J. Your comment just made me produced a really big smile on my face. Thank you for the kind words! And I love yous too! ^___^
Ergo, your welcome :)
Well thank you too, SIM, thank you for sharing your experience. You made me want to see them again (which I did anyway, but moreso now.) I miss their concerts. Last year I saw them every few months, it seemed like. ^_^
Thank you. I will consider it.
Please believe me. I want to sign in, but I can’t find it in myself to do so.
I have never discussed this. It is hard.
Thank you all again.
*runs and tackles sim*
hey darling, ilu you know that. i am glad you had an amazing night.
awww Kapunua you will see them again soon. Did you know that they have started work on the third album!! they are in pre production!! Wah hoo!!!! Im going to see them again in May. They are headlining a two day festival over here :) im gonna see them every chance i get ♥
ahhhhhhhh im smitten tonight. With everything. 30 seconds to mars, Jared's eyes and voice, the world, all you guys, Mayo just everything i wish i could hug you all hahaha ♥
Aww shame in me, I'm sorry to hear that. If you're feeling yourself down, we can always find a way to cheer you up, or just to talk :)
I missed you lots
anon really don't worry.
and you can even make a different email if you still feel you don't want to reveal yourself.
hotmail, gmail there are heaps of free sites
so do talk to someone.
It is a serious thing and we all try to help but personal help is best
Fim i fucking love you ♥
You saved me yesterday and i will never forget what you did for me. Thankyou from the bottom of my heart. You are gorgeous inside and out. I love you honey :)
Your welcome anon. And if you ever come back here soon, don't be afraid to sign in. If anyone ever has the audacity to trash you because of your situation, I will have your back. Don't you worry :)
Yeah, Ergo, "down under" lends itself to naughtiness, dunnit? (heeheeheehee) Similarly, so does "honking from the rear". I mean, if you think about it. ;)
BC, "aw shucks"? Who are you now, Opie Taylor? HAHAHAHA! Just kiddin'.
SIM, sounds like you had a great time! I'd like to see them in concert sometime.
J
Anonymous said...
Thank you. I will consider it.
Please believe me. I want to sign in, but I can’t find it in myself to do so.
I have never discussed this. It is hard.
Thank you all again.
It is very hard, and if the only way you can talk about it is like this, then do this. There's a reason why things like "alcoholics anonymous" and "narcotics anonymous" and "anything anonymous" have "anonymous" tacked on. So, you do what you need to do, okay?
But like I said to Mayo: We're just a blog. There's only so much we can actually do, you know? You need help outside of us as well. I hope you'll seek it.
im gonna go bed now see you alll tomorrow. i love you guys ♥
SIMS all loved up hehe bye xxx
awww Kapunua you will see them again soon. Did you know that they have started work on the third album!! they are in pre production!!
WHAT?!!!!
Okay, I just peed my pants with joy.
Mayo:
We talk behind your back. Did you know that? We talk outside on the porch because, well, some of us just can't "get in."
And we talked about you a lot today. We were and still are worried. Maybe not as shocked, but still worried about you.
I don't know what's going on inside your head. I do know that I want you straightened out. But, I can't do that for you, and these other beautiful people can't do it for you, and you may not even be able to do it yourself. I don't know. But, with combined efforts, maybe we can all inch you and us towards that goal.
For now I am anchored to the rocky bottom. I will drift, but I will not be carried out to sea.
Mayo, I'm not going to go into detail, but I was at this exact crossroads about three years ago. I remember it all plain as day. I felt like I was suffocating my ownself with my thoughts, the pressure, the words that were said to me over and over again. It all just manifested itself into something I had never experienced before. I felt trapped. I was sure my boat was going to either sink, or come loose from its anchor. And you know what? I didn't really care either way.
Thinking back on it, it sounds so silly to hear myself say that, but that's exactly what it felt like. And like I was telling the others today, I sometimes still revert back to that time because that's when I felt something. It's pretty bad, too.
Mayo, we all want to see you happy and healthy and loved and strong and at peace. Know that, okay?
I wish I had more words I could offer, but I'm all tapped out.
Have a good night, Mayoman. See you next time.
SS:
How's that honking coming?!
We were touch and go for a bit the other day. Glad you found your way back to our goose calls.
Have a great night, SS. Hug the ones you love and sleep tight.
See you around, buddy.
sim, you do not need saving. you just need a big floppy ear. and i will be hear anytime you need it. thats wat friends are for ok
guys, i am off to bed. i am up at 6 in the morning for class so everyone take cre ok.
anon - you told people and that takes a lot. take care
op L i hope you are ok and doing well
ergo - iye iye captain
mayo - cheers for the new post
SS - i hope that you have a look at the present you left for us all. we HONKED on there and i hope you see all the kind and caring words. you know how we feel.
nighty night
night fimble hunny!!
Guys, L's gonna post her piece to Mayo so I'll head out for now. I'll probably be back later to write to SS, so yeah, there ya go.
Fimble, L says thanks and she's on the mend. She goes to the dr tomorrow for a follow-up appt and to get her stitches out.
See you all in a bit!
*HONK!* (translated: love you!)
J
iamanonymous said...
Hi, Ph and everyone else here. You may also know me by another name, but I won't be giving a test, or taking grades this time.
January 27, 2008 6:19 PM
Proffesor Anon!! <3
I missed you, my dear. You're probably gone, but just know that I did miss you. Your teachings from the Mayonaise course are stored at the back of my mind. I cannot wait to head back for the new course about SS. *sigh* I wished we talked longer. =[
Goodnight and sweet dreams fimble, SIM. Take care mustard. OP J, ha ha no way! Your comment just made me really smile is all :)
Take care OP J. See you in a bit. Hello hello my young grasshopper. How are you this evening?
Hey BC! =]
*HUG*
I'm alright, how are you? I'm just a little upset that I couldn't talk to Iamanonymous/Prof. Anon any longer. *sigh*
Aww don't be upset teddy bear. I'm sure Professor Anon will return soon.
They spelled their name wrong too earlier on. I called them Professor Anan. It was actually funny ^_^
lol. Awwwh.
How're you today?
I'm doing pretty good grasshopper. How is Hug Fu going?
That's good to hear!
BC, it's hard to tell, TJ and I are rarely on at the same time! =[
Aww. Yeah,I'm just noticing that right now. She was on earlier though
Awwh damn it! I'm never on much anymore. Like, I stay, then I go. I'm in and out like a frog playing in the water!
lol.
TBS's website has been down for a few days. Or at least loudernow has been down. WTF?
Awwh K, that sucks royally. Maybe their re-doing it? lol
Aww poor paperheart. Don't worry. I'm sure you'll see her again soon.
Frog in the water? Lol
I'm off to do some cleaning!
catch you all later!
Take care Ergo
Hi everyone.......waves!!!!
I can not stay long, but i wanted to stop in, see what is going on.
So carry on, I'm going to try and catch up.
Mayo,
I read over this post a couple of times, and I have to agree with Paperheart on this one. I actually think these are the words of a man who is desperatly fighting his demons, and who is asking for help and understanding.
It's not easy to publicly admit to ANYONE what you have told us. I for one, am grateful and honored that you felt you could.
Temptation, depression, the urge to just say "Fuck It!" is there every day. It has to be fought EVERY day. And it's nearly impossible to do alone. There are days when you don't want anyone to talk to you, to see you, to listen to you. You want to sit in the corner and go over and over how many failures you have in your life, and what will happen in the future.
But that's when you have to start thinking of the successes you have had, how many people's lives you have touched. And before you say "for the worst", you and I both know that is not true. We all make mistakes, but there are people out there who have been helped by what you have said and done, what I have said and done, what others on here have said and done.
The future is a wonderful thing. It is a chance to clear away the old, to have a brand new slate to begin writing on. To make the most out of every day you are given.
Life is a gift. A truly beautiful, wonderful gift that you have power over, the power over your own destiny.
Death's seductive whisper is low and sensuous, claiming to bring the romance of darkness, the unknown, the road of neverending stories and moonlight.
But death is not romantic. The reality is a cold, dark grave that people visit for so long, lay roses and cross themselves, then walk away to the loved ones waiting for them. In time, all will stop coming to that little piece of limestone, they will forget the name, forget all the good you have done, only talk of "gone too soon."
And caretakers will brush away the dried up roses from the stone while Death looks on and laughs.
THAT is the reality of Death.
It is a long, hard road to walk, sweetie, temptation in every step. But you don't have to walk that road alone. Let someone hold you, pull you back on the path, on the ride, if you ever catch a dark whisper in your ear.
Remember what I told you,
Stay On The Ride. Always ride it out until the very end of the track. It will be worth it. You are strong, and you have a beautiful, kind soul.
But you are also tired, and need those to hold you up and sway with you. I would hold you if I could, sweetheart, any day.
Please take care of yourself. I love you dearly.
Pactum Serva.
L.
Hi PJ!!! Hi OP L!!
that was beautiful l.
i don't know how much longer i'll be able to be here tonight -- took me a long time to get this comment box. i'm flickering.
i wish i could be here all the time.
i wish i could get paid for being here! yeah!
*dreamy eyed for a moment*
*ahem*
*waves at blogsibs*
Anon said...
"I'm going unmarked to be able to say this. I have a temptation that I struggle with every day, and have for years and years.
I self-harm. Pick, not cut. I have scars all over my body, and can never wear anything that shows my limbs. Sometimes I'm good, and I heal, but sometimes I'm bad, and then my fingers are red with blood.
I know what it is like to struggle with dark temptations. I like the blood running freely down my arm."
Anon,
I read this and it just broke my heart. One of the girls I used to nanny for, who was abused when she was a toddler, started picking at her skin when she turned 12 or 13. She started by picking at her toes and fingers, but soon she moved to her arms, her legs, places she could hide it. It wasn't until she started pulling her eyelashes out that we all knew something else was going on. She was already in therapy, but then they began to treat her for the self-mutilation.
Our e-mail is on our profile site. If you want to talk, know that anything you say to me or J. would be kept completely private. If you wanted to create a different address and name, that's fine too. We don't need to know who you are. But please, if you want, we are here for you.
Love,
L.
*Waves at squeak squeak*
Sorry about my last comment. That sounded a bit too enthusiastic.
Am I the only one who remembers reiveiws from the Maxwell show. Where Gerard spent most of his time with some blond girl, cuddling with her and whispering. It was not Lindsey. Does anyone know who she was?
Darling Mayonaise.
Falling always leads to imperfections. When we trip and fall, we get scrapes, cuts and bruises.
I believe that how far we choose to fall from determines how badly we will be injured. And that, in turn affects how we will affect others.
Remember though, WE choose the fall. The height does not choose us.
Think about that, and remember cold, frozen Amyranth in the Canadian Wilds. It's a BALMY -44 here today.
-A
Hello, BC? How are you doing today?
Toujours, thank you. I just write what's in my heart. And thank you so much for looking over my art the other day. I am working now on a charcoal sketch with minimal color from my oil sticks.
Bubbles, I loved your post to Mayo. I've said it before and I will say it again. You are one of the most perceptive and mature teenagers I have ever come across.
Love,
L.
Anon said...
"I'm going unmarked to be able to say this. I have a temptation that I struggle with every day, and have for years and years.
I self-harm. Pick, not cut. I have scars all over my body, and can never wear anything that shows my limbs. Sometimes I'm good, and I heal, but sometimes I'm bad, and then my fingers are red with blood.
Join the club, whoever-you-are. I frequently pick at my fingers until they bleed, and pick scabs until they scar.
Sometimes I can stop, but it's only until I get another scab, then I pick. It's stressful situations that trigger it with me. You'll be happy to know we're not the only ones. I have a co-worker that has such an obsession with scabs that she picks them from herself, her boyfriend, and even her daughter.
Some might find it disgusting, and yeah I DON'T like doing it, but it's a compulsion and HARD to stop.
-A
Hi there Amy. How are you? OP L, I'm doing pretty good. Thanks for asking. I am going to go write a comment to Mayo
RW,
If you are around later, I am e-mailing you the "Ghost Post" here in a few minutes.
And Ergo, if you are still here. That was one HUGE fish. I would have been scared shitless trying to land that thing.
Love,
L.
I'm off to bed.
to the anon no one here has any idea who that person was.
Goodnight MJ. Sweet dreams.
Pantera, FUCKING FREEZING!
How about you?
-A is turning blue.
Amy,
Oh, honey, I'm sorry to hear that.
I remember that the doctor said that people do it for different reasons, and to various degrees. For some, it is literally a habit, for others, in stressful situations, it keeps their mind off what ever is going on, and others actually do it to so the pain and blood will remind them that they are alive.
Have you talked to anyone about it?
Love,
L.
Goodnight, Martha. Sweet Dreams.
Love,
L.
Amy, damn. I imagine it's fucking cold then? I'm okay, but my legs and feet are cold. Brrr!! I am preparing a comment to Mayonaise. OP L, how are you feeling after the surgery?
Guys, I am going to say Goodnight, as well, I think. It's been a long day. I go back to the doctor tomorrow to have my stitches out, and hopefully I will be released to drive.
SS,
Have a Goodnight, Day, Afternoon, Quarter Past the Hour, etc. I hope you are getting rest and taking care of yourself, and when you can't, we'll go down with you until you can fly again.
(That sounded really bad, didn't it? From the 'Things That Sound Dirty But Really Aren't' Collection...)
Well, you get what I mean. Love you!
HONK ON, BROTHER!
Love,
L.
SS,
Also, J. says, honk, honk sleepy, honk, honk write tomorrow, honk, honk sinus meds, honk, honk, oh, so sleepy!
So, HONK! And lots of Love from her.
Love,
L.
Goodnight and sweet dreams L. I hope the doctor appointment will go okay for you. Take care
You know what? I... never really saw it as a problem.
It's funny, it's NOT normal. I know it's NOT normal. But at the same time... it doesn't seem like a "problem" to "talk" to anyone about...
This probably sounds wrong though. I'm not sure how to explain it.
My mother goes to the psychiatrist because she has anxiety. That makes sense.
To talk to a doctor about picking my scabs seems pretty trivial, you know? Like, there's so many more people with REAL problems that need someone to talk to, to call someone and say "Yeah, my problem is that I pick of dry bits of skin when I'm stressed, and sometimes make myself bleed" seems pretty self-centered.
I don't know. I'm odd.
Does this make sense?
-A
BC,
One more thing before I head off. I had a lot of stomach trouble today, and actually threw up at one point, but that was my own damn fault. I ate realllly bad yesterday, and it didn't seem to bother me then, but today my stomach said, "oh, no, you don't, you're not forgetting about ME that quick!"
But I do feel better now. A little soup, one of J.'s famous grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner and I feel much better. Thank you for asking! I will be on more tomorrow night after I come back from the doc.
Love you,
L.
Amy, it does make sense, but still, it would be better if you get help for that. Self-mutilation is mutilation no matter how small it may seem. Most problems start out small, but they end up escalating until the problem itself eats you whole.
I'm glad you're feeling better OP L. I hope you sleep well. Take care.
Whoever mentioned that Torchwood series the other day, well, they just released the first season DVD here in the U.S.
I just seen the commercial.
Amy,
No, I understand. You think, oh, this isn't nearly as bad as other people, so why should I complain?
But it is a problem if you feel like it is, and you should talk to the doctor if it bothers you. I had Restless Leg Syndrome for YEARS and never mentioned it to the doctors because I thought, so, my legs cramp up sometimes at night and I have to keep moving them, but it's only 3 or 4 times a month, so why bother?
I casually mentioned it to my Endo one day and he gave me some meds, and I was so GLAD I did.
So don't worry about that. That's why we have docs and the miracle of modern and alternative meds.
Now, I really am going to bed. :)
Night all,
L.
drink break!
hello amyranth!
I know what you mean, it often seems trivial but if it was something that was actually harming you a doctor would never view it as such.
Lots of people have stress linked habits like that but if it is really causing so much damage it becomes a real problem
I taught a girl who did, and she still does but it's calmed ( she has asperger's) picking to the point of bleeding and feeling unable to show yourself is serious.
Amy you could mention it , the doc would hear a lot of much more trivial things,
and anon please see someone it sounds as if you may have some stress/anxiety problems that could be helped.
L it was a big fish but they get a lot bigger and they are very agressive in the water, he splashed us all as he got near the boat, then they go all docile.
In salt water they can jump right out of the water - like marlin do (but they aren't as big)
It was very exciting and takes quite a bit of skill -first time casting lures-, I was really proud of it (plus hubby and the other guy said I did a great job!)
Night night L
Thanks L. Have a nice sleep.
Pantera, well it's like I said to L, there are far more people with far worse problems than just picking at your skin.
I think for me the problem is stopping. I've tried some different methods, the rubber band and whatnot. And it's silly because when I should be snapping the rubber band, I just pick instead.
My guy is trying to help. He wait until he sees me start then he hollers at the top of his lungs, out of nowhere. It works for a bit, but sometimes I get SO involved in picking, that I just lock myself in the bathroom and do it there.
God, apparently, I'm quite the bundle of nerves!
-A
Amy, that's true, about people having far worse problems, but I still suggest you get it checked out. There is nothing wrong with wanting you to feel better :)
That's true, Pantera.
They say you can't take care of someone else, until you take care of yourself.
Oh and P?
I told the DM, both boys are getting fired.
I don't feel happy, but I feel... solid. It's weird.
Anyway, I should go to bed. It's too cold to keep typing.
-A
And we want you to take care and help yourself Amy. Your health and well-being is much too important to not throw away. As for for the DM situation, no matter if you felt it was the right thing you just did, usually a part of you will feel guilty. It's a two-edged sword I suppose.
But I believe people have to be responsible for their own actions.
Goodnight and sweet dreams Amy
P-
That's what we all thought too.
Responsibility.
Good night house! Good night Mayo!
-A
Goodnight Amy
Mayonaise, if you are going up against your personal demons, all I can offer you is my support and my endless encouragement to you. No matter if you are facing those demons alone, or with others, please know that I will always be standing beside you, fighting them alongside with you. We all will. And yes, I will hold your hand, if you permeate it. I will even bring my sword.
No words or blogs will ever change that.
We can fight that motherfucking darkness together. Don’t allow that son of a bitch to win. You hear me?
Mayo,
I have just enough time to stop and hug the air where you were.
Take care.
Love & hugs, for all of you
xoxo cupcake
Cupcake!! I miss you!!
BC
Good morning/afternoon/etc...etc...
everyone!
I see MissT is still not back *pout*
=========
Mayo said...
"I am reminded that not so long ago I was so afraid of death that I taunted it, begged it to take me on. For a little while, I allowed its insidious grip to hold my soul. I was seduced by chance and by choice.
Temptation will always tug at my better judgment. I have been successful at averting my attention from ruinous behaviors toward the seemingly benign. Still, I question whether I have just shifted gears rather than changed lane."
===========
Reminds me of something I went through years & years & years ago. Oh, I wasn't afraid of death; in fact, I would have welcomed it. It certainly could have been no worse than the hell I had been living in (mostly self created hell). I often wonder why everyone speaks of fire and brimstone when talking about Hell? Hell really is a dark, desolate, COLD place; isn't it?
When I realized that and took a good, long, close look at myself;
I didn't just shift gears OR change lanes. I got the heck off of that highway! It's amazing what spending a little quality time with yourself can do. It's amazing what looking into your own eyes (the windows to the soul, you know) for a few minutes can do....
I suppose I had to scare myself half to death, by taking that long look at myself, before I could realize just how much I still had to (and wanted to) live for...
I wish you luck Mayo! I hope you don't JUST stay anchored. I hope you find dry land soon! Just watch your first step out of that boat. I can be a doozy!!
*end of speech to Mayo*
See why I don't do that very often
;-)
I hope everyone has a nice day on dry land!
Love & Hugs (& honks) to all!
~Namaste~
6/Wendy
And, since Mayo DID mention it:
TEMPTATION
A little Cradle Of Filth to start the week off right! ;-)
Good evening Wendy. How are you?
Goodnight Wendy. It's time for me to go to bed. I hope to see you here later on.
Goodnight my little jar of Mayonaise.
Goodnight SS, Blog Family, any lurkers, etc etc. Blah blah blah
mayo,
the comment i just wrote to you, pulled from my heart in response to your post, just disappeared into blogger's maw. unsaved.
i honestly don't have it in me to recreate it. i am sick with this, because it was what i needed to tell you tonight, every word.
so forgive me if what i say to you now is lacking. it's still true. just feeble.
your post today made me afraid for you, and made me have confidence in you, as well. afraid because i don't want us here to be the only thing anchoring you. i need you to have someone in your real life who can hold onto you. i'm afraid our words won't be enough, and i need to know you're safe.
confidence, because i see you naming the path you have walked, and in doing so, taking power over it. i see you clearing a clean space for your new journey, and i believe in your strength to walk that new path when you're ready. i trust you.
and i wanted to tell you, most of all, that you can't give away your soul. you can only share it, which you have, and in sharing, you have made it so much greater than it was before.
i will be thinking of you, and wondering where you are and how you're feeling, and my thoughts will be giving you strength, as much as you require. it's yours. always.
so, sleep well tonight, mayo, and dream deep and true and be restored.
tomorrow i'll be ecto, and my medium will carry my words, and they won't be lost.
good night, my friend.
Mayo
if you need an anchor I'd ground you
if you need a safe port I'd shelter you
if you need light I'd illuminate you
if you need comfort I'd hold you
if you need guidance I'd lead you
if you need a friend I'd care for you.
but I can't, not really. I'd love to, really.
I hope you have someone to be that for you.
I am glad you can bare your soul but use it as a stepping stone for allowing someone real to take care and love you.
As you deserve, as you need.
And the someone who begins it should be you.
Darkness becons but it can't sustain. In darkness nothing can flourish, and you need to grow and bloom.
Wishing hope. happiness, love and fulfillment to you and yours,
much love EP xx
morning everyone!
hello mayo, you ok??
hi SS!
ok monday morning is here again! god they come round quick don't they!!
i haven't caught up i don't think i've got time to. hell i know i haven't got time to but hey!!
toujours sorry blogger ate you comment!! particularly as it was a really heart felt one.
but your post above is lovely too and conveys your message perfectly.
right i'm off!
i will try and be around for the race at DMs kass, PP, SIM anyone else!!!
hi ergo!!
i can't stay.
catch you later!!
Hi Ergo.
Hi Faraway.
Better get that motor running FASC!
*now watch me come 27th for taunting*
Good morning Mayo.
Perhaps I will again fall prey to deaths seductive whisper and allow myself to be captured by the romance of self destruction. It is wise to consider that I tempt fate. The alternative is blind supposition.
This reminds me of a recovered alcoholic. They never say 'I was an alcoholic'. They say 'I am an alcoholic'.
All I'm going to say is you better not be messing with us over this.
There is nothing romantic about self destruction. I have had to deal with the aftermath of someone elses great romance and there is nothing loving about the gesture. It is pain. It is hurt. It is cold and selfish.
You will not fall prey.
You will continue to conquer those thoughts.
And while you're at it, anchor yourself above the high tide mark.
PP
More pissed off at Mayo's post than she should be.
SS
*sniggers behind hand*
When I look at your page you look like a twitcher.
Twitcher = compulsive bird watcher.
*imagines random people dropping by and going, 'What's with this dude and geese?'*
Hope your day/night is flocking jappy.
Mayo,
How are you today? Doing well I hope. Me? I'm suffering from typical Monday Morning Blues...dragging, sleepy, feeling a little bit like I am catching a cold, and highly unmotivated. I popped a benadryl about 30 mins ago, so I will not be help responsible if I fall out at my desk. I probably caught some nasty shit while at Wal-Mart. Just a ploy to get you back in the store to buy more stuff, if you ask me.
Mayo, I really hope you can see all the caring people here. Hearts open and arms outstretched...hands reaching for you. Waiting to hold you...wanting to help you. I hope you are able to find some confort in the fact that we relate to you and we understand you. If it's one thing you should have learned about this place, it's that we're beautifully fucked up and dysfunctional, but here is where we found you and found each other. We learn and we lean. Let us be here for you.
Mayo, I just hope you keep coming here and we are able to give back to you a little bit of what we have found in each other.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. So much more than you even realize.
7:11 AM, January 28, 2008
PP
More pissed off at Mayo's post than she should be.
i know PP last night i felt the same. i feel a little better today but it was all rather doom and gloom and then oh hell!!
*now watch me come 27th for taunting*
haha!
Hope your day/night is flocking jappy.
if that isn't already in our book of quotes etc then it certainly should be!
Mayo, I just hope you keep coming here and we are able to give back to you a little bit of what we have found in each other.
said beautifully sdock.
right i'm gone again!
bye.
Hello Sdock, Possum, TJ, FASC, Ergo, BC, anonymous(es), anyone and everyone who has arrived in the last 3 hours (and Kass who should be arriving shortly)!
I have finally caught up on yesterday's happenings.
I would like to say HOWDY and WELCOME to "Wizbez"!
I would also like to give my written excuse to "iamanonymous/ProfessorAnon":
I was not in class yesterday because:
IT WAS SUNDAY FOR GOODNESS SAKE!!!
(and "Barkus" was sniffing and prancing down the streets of NOLA)
TJ & Ergo: lovely, heartfelt posts from the both of you!
For the anonymous(es) and anyone else in pain, all I can offer ya'll are big hugs, and my unconditional love and support.
========
Siobhan said...
Oh damn, anon! That's difficult!
I think I would fuck Phil.
I don't think he is the marrying kind.
========
Ohhhh.......I'm telling on you Siobhan ;-)
Haha, you can have a chance.
DOWN (yes, the current band of the man you want to, well - you know)
will be in Germany on
03/30/08 Berlin,@ Huxley's
04/01/08 Munich, @ Elserhalle
04/02/08 Stuttgart, @ Longhorn
OR you can take the hop, skip and jump over to FINLAND with PIXIE and see them (sooner):
03/21/08 Tampere, @ Pakkhuone
03/22/08 Helsinki, @ House Of Culture
For ERGO (my fellow KISS lover):
Peter Criss singing Hard Luck Woman
Once again.....
Well, ya'll know....
(but in case anyone forgot)
Love & Hugs to all,
6/Wendy
*going work on my Southern accent now* I hear I don't sound Southern
*pout* ;-)
Congrats on first, FASC.
And second.
And third.
Sweetie, your medal bling is blinding me.
*puts on shades*
Hi there, 616.
Excuses, excuses. Sometimes you don't need a note.
Professoranon/Iamanonymous,
*PP places apple on desk smiling sweetly, hair up in ribbons*
*sits down at back of class early for next lesson*
*does up loose blouse buttons and adjusts suspender belt discretely*
St.Mayoinians School for Girls:
6.39 - 7.56pm
Ergo said,
In fact the whole first 11 are quite spiffing..
however I have my eye on the cox...
...of the rowers of course!
GS said,
Their cox, he's divine. I must say I have a soft spot for small men. They're so ...
... flexible!
PP - transferred to single sex St.Mayoninians, from a co-ed school for reasons undisclosed, adds knowledgeably,
The cox is critical for maintaining rhythm, but...
steady strong stroking helps make things move faster.
*looks for around for classmate SisM*
Okay, out as well for me.
Jappy days to everyone at BlogBelieve.
*around for, not 'for around'
SisM is not a 'round' anything >_<
Morning errbody.
*Princess picks up where she left off Friday afternoon...slumped over her desk.
I don't feel like doing much else today. >_<
Hope everyone has a lovely Monday.
Mayo,
Dude, I got nothing for ya this morning. Ever get like that? Just....nothing. Sorry.
SS,
You are a 'mighty fine' goose, aren't you? Have a wonderful Monday and honk your heart out. We'll be honking with you. ^_~
That sounds so funny when you read it back to yourself. HONK!
Love ya to pieces.
XOXO,
S&V20
Good morning, BlogBelievers!
Mayo:
Dude. Still worried about you. Hey, maybe on your next post? Do you think, after you write, you can post something funny? Maybe a weird picture, or a joke, or a hilariously unknown fact? Something to make us not worry so much about you?
It was worth a shot. Anyway, I hope your day is filled with lots of good things. Cotton candy, time, people that don't annoy the hell out you. Those are the good things ;)
See you later, Mayo!
SS:
I brought you a lozenge for all of your honking! You must be getting hoarse by now ;)
Have a great day! And see you around :)
Family:
Since we're pretty much 99.9% girls, where the other tenth comes from I don't know, but anyway!
Since we are, raise both of your hands if you get super-stoked if you have a GOOD HAIR DAY on a Monday.
You know you do! Now lemme see you raise them!
It makes the day a little better, doesn't it?
Family:
Since we're pretty much 99.9% girls, where the other tenth comes from I don't know, but anyway!
Since we are, raise both of your hands if you get super-stoked if you have a GOOD HAIR DAY on a Monday.
You know you do! Now lemme see you raise them!
It makes the day a little better, doesn't it?
MIB!! i love you for that comment!
hey may be our token bloke bikey likes having a good hair day too!!!
sorry i'm gone again just had to comment on that!!
Goodmorning everyone.
GS, thank you so much for saying that - you are so special. *hugs*
Anon who shared the bulemic secret. I am so proud of you for even saying something. I know how hard that can be. I know what you are going through - I still struggle with the urges today, but I have it under control and my life is so much better for it. I would like to offer my advice and to be an understanding ear for you. Please email me!
Awww, I just went outside to have a smoke and our campus geese where flying around, just honking their little hearts out. It made me smile. :)
Mayo: Yes to what Splash said. You know I don't like to pressure you to talk to us and blah blah because this is your blog, and to use it just for unloading this stuff, if that helps you, that's awesome. But yesterday you unloaded a bunch of what could have been drug talk, you wrote about taunting death and said the word "romantic" which it SO IS NOT, said you weren't sure if you had changed lanes (quit?) or just shifted gears (cut down?) and then you bailed. You worried a lot of people who are still worried for you. Mayo, no one here knows your identity. Most of us don't care. Most of us like you anyway for the kind things you have done. So please don't let us sweat this out, but also don't give us the "I am fine I am well" brush off either. let us know you're okay. Or let us know that you are not, but that you'll get help. Or tell us that you were referring to things other than drugs and death and that we took it all wrong (if that is in fact the case.)
Mayo, I'm not going to sit here and give you cliches and platitudes about strength and love. Have I ever? I know it's not that simple. When you have really serious crap going on, "strength" is some nebulous idea floating in the ether, and "love," well, you know how I feel about that. You can give it and give it and if the other person is still bent on self destruction they're going to do it. Love alone cannot save anyone. To say that love alone is enough to save someone is to insult anyone who has loved and lost a self destructive person. Mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, children, husbands, wives, they have all "loved enough" and still lost people. Support, love, all that stuff, sometimes it doesn't work.
You have it anyway but if you need more, seek it out.
And I know that "get help if you need it" is another platitude but it is also the only thing I can say. I know you've said that you get a lot out of this blog and I'm glad for that. But it is just a blog, and like I say to every anon who comes in here with confessions: It's good to talk about these things but it's not enough. We might not feel like strangers, but when it all comes down, we are. We really can't hold you or hold your hand, man, all we can do is write words. I believe in the power or words, (more than I believe in the power of "love,") but realistically, pragmatically, words on a blog probably aren't going to cut it.
I'm glad when you say we mean something to you, but I'm not giddy enough over it to quit worrying.
Mayo, do you smell what I'm stepping in here? I hope so.
Mayo, just like the others, I'm worried about you. Please come back when you have some time. Sit with us. Is there anything we can do to help?
Mustard, *raises hand* - today is a good hair day! (and that is rare)
Okay, must get back to working and lurking.
Love to all of you!
Okay, now my mouse is acting all crazy. I tried to paste this comment and it pasted four times in a row. WTF? Here it is again, only once.
Right, so anyway. Good morning everyone! Hope you're all hanging in there this Monday.
Hello Anima, FASC, Princess, PP! Anyone who is on right now.
Hey Splash! I'll try to be on tonight, you up for it? :D Dude, didn't you get high speed? How come you're still getting chucked out?
TJ: Here's a tip, it's what I do. When you have something really long to write, write it in Wordpad first, then copy and paste it. Blogger eats way too many comments and it's hard to dig that deep again and restart. It also makes it easier to quote lots of people if you have to, this way you don't have to go scrolling up and down. ^_^
Oh, in chat last night a few people told me that they had totally missed the link to chapter three and didn't even know it was up. Well, chapter three is up. I tried to cram as many of you in there as I could. I wasn't too pleased with how the whole thing turned out, but a few parts made me LOL. Hopefully a few more of you will LOL too. And thank you all so much for your comments. ^__^
S(S)S: You probably missed all our messages to you in the last entry, too. So this is the third time I'm writing this. It's really not that important or anything, but I thought of you and thought you might like this.
This mighty fine dude came into work on Friday with a broken wing. After an x ray and wrapping his wing (ever so much fun to x ray wild life...NOT!) it looks like he might at some point be releasable back into the wild. Anyway, as soon as he came in I thought of you and I took a pic to post up. Isn't he cute? Hope you like him.
Have a nice Monday, everyone. :D
Hey everyone.
Mayo, I just want you to be okay. You really had us worried yesterday. When you leave us hanging, I always develop this sick, twisted feeling inside. I've always had that. I don't like it, Mayo.
I just want to help. I want you to let us know if you're genuinely well or not. My words probably don't make a difference, but I try. I really do.
You're part of the family.
Please take care of yourself, love.
SS, I hope you have a fabulous day today, sweetie. You deserve everything you get in life and more. Just thinking about you puts a smile on my face.
Thank you for always being true to yourself. Thank you for everything you've done for us all.
Much love to you.
SS,
For the love of GOD, PLEASE comment something about that goose picture. She will not stop until you do. Have mercy on the rest of us, will ya?
Kapunua:
Wha? Here I am in all of my mustardy glory! I'm not chucked!
I hope we're all still doing well.
And Mayo, seriously. You do know we'll listen when you decide to talk, right? You tell us you do, but sometimes I feel like you're telling us that just to shut us up ;)
We will listen. If you're afraid to talk about whatever it is, just say so. If you don't want to talk about it, just say so. If you want to talk about it, tell us. If there's nothing to talk about, tell us that, too. Whatever is wrong, I can say with almost 100% certainty that someone here will relate in some form or another.
Will we have the answers? No. We just won't. Like I was saying to Sdock last night, we can only provide our own accounts of a personal situation and liken it to yours.
But, we are willing to do that! We want you to know we're here when you want to talk. And either way, if you do or don't, realize that this open form of communication you've helped to create is helping others. Realize that we would do anything we could to make it better, but there's so much keeping us from doing that.
Just, be okay. Try to have a good day and just know there are people out there, in your real life, who think the world of you.
And you've got some people here, too. ;)
Hi everyone....
Missing you all terribly still.
I'm not sure where to begin the catching up, or even how.
I'll try, probably fail, but I'll try.
xoxo cupcake
hi guys!!
its been a funny old day for me!! hope you are all ok??
i don't know. the best way i can describe today is
*sigh*
i've been like that since the post last night!!
and i'm tired. i woke up just before 5am and couldn't go back to sleep. i was thinking about stuff. my life, your lives, mayo man in the tower's life!!
too much thinking probably! i have a thick head and i can't shake it off!!
ok off i trot again just thought i'd say that.
Hello and goodbye FASC! I miss you dearie!
MAYO, MAYO
HE'S OUR MAN.
IF HE CAN'T DO IT,
NO ONE CAN!
Mayo, I just thought you could use some "cheering".
P.S. I have no idea what IT is.
Anon.... you made me laugh at 4:30am. Well done! (yes, I should be in bed.... and I will be. soon.)
What is 'it'?
That's a good question. O_o
Mayo,
Seriously dude, tell us to either shut the hell up or tell us what's going on.
Like for real, okay?
Mustard,
I saw you over at DM and well, I'm not sure I'm buying the bodysuit excuse.
O_O
Oh, it for sure was a body suit.
And Mayo! I swear, if you don't stop doing that lurky-lurky thing whilst I'm streaking in my body suit, I'm gonna call, like, Ghostbusters or something.
Cupcake:
Good to see you back!
Anon:
Hey! Um, if you find out what that IT is, please tell us ;)
People, (mustards, princesses, and anons) I'm knackered! (exhausted) so I must toddle off to bed ( go to bed), it's been a loooong day/night and I'd like to be asleep before dawn.
Mayo, Take your time, rest, eat, breath... those kinds of things. And I'll take my own advice.
SS, Hope you're doing well also! ( I haven't forgotten you! )
:)
and as for everyone else, I love y'all very much.
Be safe and happy.
Till we meet again...
xoxo cupcake
See you later Cupcake!
XOXO,
S&V20
“It” is self-awareness. I am at a strong place. I was moved to explore my weaknesses. I was tired, drained actually. Perhaps because I was so vulnerable at that moment my thoughts turned to temptation.
I apologize that the resulting post caused you all such worry.
There is more, but that will come in time.
hello mayo, what a very pleasent surprise.
nice to see you
hey mayo, i just wanted to say thank you for this place. it is very nice place to hang out.
did you expect all of this to happen?
hey, if anyone is in here. i have just took my exam and to be honest i dont really have a clue why it was there. pointless really but i found this out and i know you like the hearts tj gave us so here is this if you are bored
smileys
and yes i am baby sitting again and bored
Hi Fim. Good to read you, Fumble. Be online later? ^___^
Mayo, good to read you, too, thank you for popping in. I'm glad you're feeling strong, I'm glad you're self-aware.
Don't let go, okay? Don't ever let it get that far.
Thank you for the smileys, Fim! :D
Mayo, I hope you liked my cheer for you. Keep up the good work. Funny, self-awareness, or something like that, was my thought on "it" as well. Weird.
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