Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Absent minded memory.

Last night you said
“I would give you the moon.”
Pull it down from the sky
and feed you by spoon.

In your whisper, while hushed
I was bribed by conceit.
Force fed through a tube
of ill will and deceit.

Then, the grandest of gestures
you walked out of the room.
Strangling me in a glut
of dissonance and doom.

Last night I said
“I would give you the moon.”
And you took it greedily
not a moment too soon.








p.s. it was at that exact moment that the unraveling began.

1,456 comments:

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Entropy said...

Anon,Mustard says hi. She would also appreciate some words since she is not feeling so astute anymore.

I say hi,too.
Nice to see you.

Anonymous said...

Listen to Fimble, who knows whereof she speaks.

Hey check it out. Battleflag by Lo Fidelity Allstars. You might've heard this song, but everything they do seems like it'd be up your alley. The've got Greg Dully singing with them a lot of the time, too. They're brill. Thought you might like them. ^_^

Man, it's good to read the real you. ^_^

Anonymous said...

Really? Glad to be of service. I'm always open to checking out new bands.

Anonymous said...

Hello anon, it's nice to have you back.

Can I ask if you were the one who left me those lovely arabic words when I was feeling down?

Anonymous said...

Oh, and if you've missed a few of us, it's because Blogger is being a bitch and not many people can get on after a few hundred comments or so. Sdock, Mustard, well a bunch of us really. They all send their regards from next door.

Hey, hope you're well?

Anonymous said...

Hey Entropy! Tell Mustard she'll always be astute in my eyes.

Fimble, thank you, I appreciate that.

Kapunua, I was reading the long comment from earlier and while still confused by most of it, I'd like to respond.

Anonymous said...

Busted! Probably because my Arabic was so bad.

Anonymous said...

Anon, I would love to know what bands you like. I myself have always and forever will love The Smiths. They have defined who I am as a person in some ways.

Sad but true.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Andrea is responding now. We're all on chat, actually, working stuff out. ^_^

But do feel free to. We never really meant to "out" your blog. You were keeping it private.

Man, if you'd been around here lately. God, it's been like a crime scene.

Fimble Star said...

oh anon at 11.57. sorry just have to come on this one. the smiths were amazing but i love oasis. they defined me. so much respect for their words and the meaning behind each song.

have you heard them?

Entropy said...

Anon, she says,"Thank you for believing in me." -Mustard

It really is nice of you. Man,we missed you.

MissTottenham said...

Anon, your arabic was fantatsic.

Hey friend! I missed you too.


Anon, my suggestion to people music wise would be the Manic Street Preachers.

JocelynHolly said...

Hey guys. =]

Mayonaise; this blog concerns me, very much. I've been confused and thinking about things all day. I hope that you are alright. I really do. I don't have much to offer, I'm really sorry.

Anonymous said...

Kapunua says to anon
See, a bunch of people linked this site to a bunch of rotten places and we've gotten, you know, kind of beaten down.

That is a lie. You are the one that is on the GW page on buzznet. You are bringing them here.

Anonymous said...

Hey Anon,

Dude, I hope you are relaxing, and you are toasty warm.
It is 17 degrees right now here in lovely NJ.

*I am the new blog weathergirl*

Anonymous said...

FS, I know and like Oasis, but The Smiths were the band of my formative teenage years. Tells you how old I am.

Anonymous said...

There, you see what i mean?

No actually, I can't get onto BuzzNet. The two times I tried it jacked my computer with all kinds of spyware.

This is why it's ridiculous to try to talk to people anymore.

Fimble Star said...

oh anon i would never try and guess your age. i am very polite in that manner hehehe. but i have a soft spot for my homeboys. the smiths and oasis are from my town so i am proud of them lol.

what is you favourite oasis tune and your smiths tune if you want to throw that in here

elena said...

I broke into Mayo's...Take that stupid Blogger!!!

Hello everyone!!

I've been out on the porch wondering how everyone is doing...

I miss you all..

JocelynHolly said...

Hey Kapunua, Star, Fimble Star, Entropy, Miss Tottenham, and Anonymous.

How are you all today?

Anonymous said...

It seems that recent events in Blogbelieve have caused not only my identity but my integrity to be called into question.

I am aware that most of you are genuinely unconcerned with my identity and have adopted a laissez faire approach, as it is irrelevant to our Blogbelieve friendship, but I cannot remain silent while my intentions and motives are under suspicion.

Does it sting? Yeah, sure it does.

Do I understand how frustrating it must be for you guys? Of course.

I want to make something perfectly clear, in case there was any doubt.

I am in no way associated with any of the people you were discussing earlier.

I do not personally know anyone in Blogbelieve (well, perhaps I do, I'm kind of ambivalent about that actually.)

My blog was supposed to be private, I have absolutely no idea how it was discovered, to this day it still remains a mystery to me.

JocelynHolly said...

Hey Elena!!!
*HUG*

MissTottenham said...

Hello PH swqeetie, how are you?

Fimble Star said...

well thank you anon for that. thank you for coming and talking to us. i hope you know you are part of the family

take care of yourself, and remember to smile. well at least once a day to keep the frowns away

xx

JocelynHolly said...

Anon, I have no clue what to say. Today, I am at a loss of words regarding EVERYTHING.

I'm sorry?

=]

Anonymous said...

Well, here's the deal. Don't be too sure you don't know at least one of them, yeah? Which has nothing to do with your integrity.

This is ridiculous. We have eight thousand different people telling us eight thousand different things.

You disassociate yourself with those folks--a really not-nice one of whom claims to know you?--I believe you. You have always been upfront with me.

And you have just now totally put my heart at ease, 'cause it really was stressing me out to think that a friend of yours would do and say the things that this guy has done and said.

Thank you for saying that. It means more to me than you can probably imagine right now.

JocelynHolly said...

Miss Tottenham, I am good, how're you today sweetie? =]
Can you feel the hug that I am sending you with my mind?

Anonymous said...

Kapunua
Your name and words are written at buzz dissing GW. So,you are bringing them here.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Anon, 'cause one of those dudes who is supposed to be associated with you was really, really rude to a bunch of us. I know you missed that part, but he came in here and let us have it, in some really personal ways.

That pretty much sucked, and with a few folks pretending to be you, it was hard to tell anymore. When anons come in like ten at a time, well, you can see how bad it has gotten.

I am really sorry I questioned you. And really happy you told me you weren't associated with those two. We treasure you, you have to know. And it was a terrible feeling to think that this kind of thing would go on.

Anonymous said...

Champagne Supernova for Oasis. Probably a poor choicefor a true fan such as yourself FS.

How Soon is Now? for The Smiths.

Anonymous said...

What are you getting at Kapunua? Who do you think I know?

Entropy said...

That was pretty awesome of you to straighten that out,Anon.

MissTottenham said...

PH, I'm good thanks.

I can feel it and I'm sending you one in return.

JocelynHolly said...

Hey Mya, how are you today, sweetie?:)

Anonymous said...

Verita Venom, a poster there, asked if she could quote me. I told her she could.

pLS to be moving out of conversation now, weenie.

JocelynHolly said...

Miss Tottenham, I've been meaning to ask you, but how's George? I'm going to have to ducknap him again and take him around the city with me!

sally said...

Thank you anon,

Your integrity, I believe, was never in question.

And you have as much right to privacy as we all do.

However I am sorry that someone invaded your private sanctuary.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fimble Star said...

anon at 12.18. could you call yourself sith anon please.

good choice champagne supernova. love it but saying that i love all of them.

my favourite would be live forever. i liked wonderwall still do its a shame noel will never play live due to the meaning of the song. i really hope that one day i can go to a concert of theirs.

are you in the usa?

Anonymous said...

For the record, the anon at 12:18 wasn't me.

Anonymous said...

12:18, I'm not sure who is asking.

Anonymous said...

Hey everyone
Is that SS I see?

JocelynHolly said...

Awwh, that's good Mya! If something happened on the blogs today, then I don't know what happened!

Fimble, Oasis? I've only heard Wonderwall, and another song, but I could just feel the emotion that they put into their music. It blows me away.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

FS, I am in the U.S. and it is late here so I will say goodnight.

Anonymous said...

Hey teddy bear, Miss T, entropy, KD, K,anons, anyone else I missed.

Miss T, how is George doing? I miss him :)

Anonymous said...

I'm glad. 'Cause you know we can't go there.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for allowing me to respond and set the record straight.

Goodnight Fimble Star, Mya, Paperheart, Katherine, Kapunua, Miss Tottenham, Entropy, John Boy.

Stay safe guys.

Fimble Star said...

sorry anon.

the anon at 12.18 was replyng to my question. and thank you

007 you need to listen to more of oasis. pure emotion but pure class

Anonymous said...

Goodnight, smithsanon!
Stay warm!

Anonymous said...

Goodnight smithsanon.

By the way, I recommend listening to pretty girls make graves. That's my favorite Smiths song :)

Anonymous said...

Goodnight Avenger, I didn't see you there!

Anonymous said...

Goodnight anon

Amyranth said...

Hey Guys!

So, everything peachy keen, jellybean?

-A

Fimble Star said...

nighty night ss. you stay safe AND REMEMBER TO SMILE

Anonymous said...

That's okay anon. I just popped in. goodnight to you :)

Anonymous said...

See what I mean about the anons?

Either way it was so good to read you and you have totally made me, at least, feel better about certain things that have been said.

Will sleep better tonight. Is that silly?

I hope you will have a nice night as well. ^_^ Mahalo nui ku'u hoaloha.

Fimble Star said...

smiths anon.

it was really nice to speak to you. come back and we can talk more. nighty night

sally said...

Goodnight anon

Oh, and the John Boy tag made my night!(giggles)

Take care :)

Anonymous said...

Hi Amy

Anonymous said...

weenie to kapunua

So, it's ok for you to bring buzz here, but if someone else does, then you get mad.I am done.

MissTottenham said...

Goodnight anon, thank you as always.


PH and BC, George is great, thank you for asking. PH you can have another date anytime sweetie.

JocelynHolly said...

Fimble, whaddya know? Tomorrow's my payday, and I'm in the CD mood, so I'm thinking I should go and get some Oasis? I love listening to music that is pure emotion.

Goodnight Anon. You stay safe, and don't let anyone take you alive? =]
<3

JocelynHolly said...

Miss Tottenham, I really think that I should get myself a duck stuffie and bring him around my city, and take pictures of it everywhere. It'll be like me and George showing you around! ^_^

Hey BC! *HUG*

Anonymous said...

Miss T, that's great. I thought it was funny when paperheart made that ransom ducknapping note. ^_^
Teddy bear, how are you? *hugs*

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
JocelynHolly said...

Miss T, that's great. I thought it was funny when paperheart made that ransom ducknapping note. ^_^

BC, WOW. I Was just thinking about that! What blog was that on? I must find it ASAP!

I am good, how're you my buttercup? =]

Entropy said...

Goodnight,Anon! Sleep well.
Hope to talk to you soon.

MissTottenham said...

BC and PH you make me laugh.

PH that would be a great idea.

Anonymous said...

paperheart, that ducknapping note was on one of my old blogs. Damn, I should have saved it :(
I am doing wel young grasshopper. How is it going with the teachings of the Hug Fu? :)

Hi mya

Anonymous said...

ha ha thanks Miss T
You make me laugh too :)

Amyranth said...

Hey Avenger.

Just made some nachos, wanna share?

-A

Anonymous said...

anima said...

Great post L. I think there is a little of SS in all of us. Regardless if it was him or not, I believe his spirit is strong and ever present.



I really shouldn't have laughed as much as I did when I read that.

Anonymous said...

Sounds delicious Amy thanks. Haven't had those in a while, but I did have spaghetti earlier ^_^

JocelynHolly said...

Miss Tottenham, tomorrow, I'm going to look ALL over the mall before work, for the right duck to kidnap and cart around my city! It has to be just the RIGHT duck. Just for you. I swear I will do this! My friends will ask what I am doing, and I'll just say that they don't understand the emotional needs of a person whose been going through duck withdrawal.

sally said...

okay,

Why is that so funny anon?

JocelynHolly said...

Dude, BC, that sucks!

(sorry, I've been calling everyone dude lately. It's been annoying some of my friends.)

Anonymous said...

paperheart, aww. You're going to purchase a duck tomorrow? I didn't know there was such a thing as duck withdrawal. Maybe you should name the new duckie Georgie ^_^
Anon, seriously, I don't find that comment to be hilarious :/

JocelynHolly said...

Katherine, hey! =]

I was thinking of a way to ask the anonymous that, without sounding too.. rude?

How're you today?

sally said...

Hey paper,

*hugs*

Anonymous said...

paperheart, dude, it does suck, but what can you do? Don't worry, I call my friends dude as well :)

anima said...

Why did I refresh the page?

Anonymous said...
I really shouldn't have laughed as much as I did when I read that.

January 4, 2008 12:43 AM

What can I say? It fit the mood. I was feeling all kinds of love.

Now, I am really laughing at myself. You totally win for pointing that out.

ergoproxy said...

Hello everyone!

I survived shopping and got mostly everything done

MissTottenham said...

*smiles at BC*

PH, I would love that so much.

Well, It's almost 6 here so I shall have to say goodnight/morning.

I shall see you tomorrow.

JocelynHolly said...

BC, remember when I said that I took George to the movies? That night, I told my friend that I made a new friend, named George and that he was a duck. I'm not kidding. Since then, I've had an invisible pet duck, and just to add to the fun-ness, I gave her an invisible hippo. =] (like the one we gave to Sister Midnite)

Anonymous said...

Hi there KD, Ergo. How are you guys?

Goodnight and sweet dreams Miss T *hugs*

sally said...

Goodnight Miss T,

Hello Anima & Ergo! (and BC, I'm sorry if I missed you before)

anima said...

P.S. It was really heartfelt. Can't help it.

Anonymous said...

paperheart, yeah, I remember that. You told your friend about George? Aww. So now there's another pet, only a hippo? does it have a name yet? :)

Amyranth said...

KD - Because of the sexual connotation of course.

I named my dildo SS. Now when I ... you know... I sound like a snake.

[end extremely DRY humor]

-A

JocelynHolly said...

KD, *HUG*

Hey Ergo! *HUG*

Goodnight Miss Tottenham! *HUG*

Anonymous said...

That's okay KD

anima said...

Hey KD!
Wish I could stay.



See everyone tomorrow.

sally said...

Ohhh , thanks Amy, now I get it. Must be that time of night!

Brain not functioning after Mayo set some nipples on fire (jokes, scroll the page up) ^_~

Fimble Star said...

goodnight people. take care

Anonymous said...

Goodnight fimble, anima, Sweet dreams guys.

Anonymous said...

*slaps some bitches*

Mayo, I'm so tired.

JocelynHolly said...

paperheart, yeah, I remember that. You told your friend about George? Aww. So now there's another pet, only a hippo? does it have a name yet? :)


The hippo's name is Eloise. =] But don't be fooled, Eloise is a male, not a female.

Anonymous said...

You simply have no idea.

JocelynHolly said...

Sweet Dreams Anima! *HUG*

ergoproxy said...

HI KD PH *hug*

BC
night missT anima

amyranth lol lots (sssssssssssssssss)hahaha

Anonymous said...

paperheart, aww. I bet the hippo is a cutie ^_^

JocelynHolly said...

I'm sure he is! =]

ergoproxy said...

hippos are cute

elouise is probably hiding a very masculine interior

sally said...

Ergo,

Have you cooked anything interesting lately?

Amyranth said...

KD and EP - Been a long day. One of those days when the only things you have to say are dirty jokes. Might as well pander to the lowest common denominator!

I don't really have a dildo though.

-A

ergoproxy said...

and that is one of my favourite songs!

Anonymous said...

*BC wishes for a hippo of her own*

Ah. Oh Well :)

sally said...

It's cool Amy.

I'm curious to know if "Mayo" who made the earlier comments, was really Mayo, not just an impersonator.

I guess I will never find out. I just think he deserves to have some fun as well.

ergoproxy said...

oooh katherine

apricot chicken casserole last night and souvlaki lamb drumsticks witrh greek salad and turkish bread tonight

(my tummy is rumbling)

JocelynHolly said...

BC, your wish is certainly my command!

*pushes with all her might, a wrapped package about the size of a dump truck over to BC*

:D

Amyranth said...

KD - I imagine he does from time to time. I bet you half his fun is saying things we wouldn't expect him to say, and us not knowing it's him.
I bet you he's the oranges anon.

-A

Anonymous said...

Be careful, Kapunua. Just..... be careful.

Anonymous said...

paperheart, lol.
Thank you for the hippo present *hugs*
I think I will name it....Georgie...or maybe...pansy ;p

Andrea said...

Hey everyone. I'm home from work, I'm caught up on the new comments since I was last here, and I've just had a long chat with Kapunua. I'm not sure how to address all of the issues without taking up many pages of space, so I'm going to try to do this as succinctly as possible.

Things I know:
-- I am not Mayonaise.
-- I am not a roleplayer, nor do I know any roleplayers.
-- I do not like drama, and I especially don't like being at the center of drama.
-- Tiff/Alie is the same person. Alie is her screen name. She is my friend.
-- Tiff is not Mayonaise, nor is she a roleplayer.
-- Tiff does not work for TMZ. I believe Undercoverbrother was being sarcastic when he said that in his comment.
-- I know for a fact that at least one and probably two people besides Tiff have had access to Tiff's BN account.
-- Tiff isn't mean, and she's not a liar. She just doesn't have the most tact sometimes. She said some things to Kapunua before she really knew or understood what kind of place this is. She regrets it and she has apologized.
-- My blog is very personal to me. I write whatever is on my mind, and I don't censor myself. But obviously, I'm not going to mention the names of my closest friends and family in a public forum.
-- I get angry when my words are taken out of context, and I think I have every right to.


Things I don't know:
-- The identity of Mayonaise. For a brief time, I thought I might know, but I was wrong.
-- Who posted all the crap on BN. Tiff says it wasn't her, and I believe her. She is not a liar.
-- Who these anons are who came to Mayo's today and started ripping me apart.


Kapunua's questions are all honest and fair, and I don't blame her for asking them. I respect her much more for being rational and up front with me instead of immaturely attacking me like PPU and the anons who were here earlier.

I can assure you that neither I, nor anyone I know, has set anything up, made any special arrangements, or tried to make anything look a certain way.

When I googled SS's blog, way back in September, I was just following up on a comment someone else had posted about the SS's blog having been taken down. I didn't mean to do any harm to SS, and it didn't have anything to do with me knowing something different than what everybody else here knows.

When I said my worlds had collided, I meant it. My friends Alie and Undercoverbrother just came here about a week ago. They had never heard of Mayonaise before I told them, and they really didn't understand what kind of a place this is. The people here are close-knit, and they stand up for each other. I should've done a better job of explaining that to them before they got off on the wrong foot. Boy, did they ever.

Imagine what it's like for me, wanting to protect my friends at Mayo's house, but also wanting to protect my friends who just came here recently. How do you balance something like that?

This has been extremely confusing, frustrating, and hurtful to me, and I know it has felt the same way to many of you. For that, I apologize. I never meant to cause any trouble here, and I certainly don't want to see Mayo's house get shut down. I like it here. I've met some really great people here. I don't want this to end any more than you do.

I guess that's all I have to say for now. I hope I've addressed all of Kapu's questions. Kapunua, please let me know if there's anything I've missed that you'd like me to explain publicly.

And for the rest of you, please feel free to ask me questions. But I would ask that you do it on my blog, or just send me email, rather than cluttering up the space here at Mayo's. I think quite enough has happened here already for one day.

Again, I'm truly and honestly sorry for everything.

sally said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amyranth said...

KD - Now you've got me thinking about the Muppet Show.

Man, I love that show.

-A

Anonymous said...

Andrea, even though I think you didn't do anything wrong, I accept your apology because you are still my friend *hugs*

ergoproxy said...

thanks Andrea thatis very good of you to do

sally said...

Amy, Beaker rules!

And I love the Dark Crystal!

Andrea said...

Thanks, BC and Ergoproxy. I don't think I did anything personally wrong, but I did have some part in fueling the chaos. There were a lot of things I could have done differently to prevent this from happening, or at least to help it go more smoothly.

Amyranth said...

KD - Just watching the Swedish Chef make Chocolate Moose!

I think I know what to spend my christmas money on.

-A

Andrea said...

My dinner totally got cold while I was writing that long comment. :-(

ergoproxy said...

Yay Beaker!!!

I love the dark crystal and I saw a tour of it after it cam e out with one of the big beetle thing costumes - incredible!

sally said...

Andrea,

I'm not really sure what transpired, but thanks anyway.

Amy,

That sounds like a great investment!

Anonymous said...

Andrea, you're welcome. Things might have fucked up, but don't blame yourself.

Amyranth said...

KD - I bought my dad the first season on DVD about 2 years ago now. It was the only show we both really liked when I was growing up.

-A

sally said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sally said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Goodnight Kd. Sweet dreams

JocelynHolly said...

paperheart, lol.
Thank you for the hippo present *hugs*
I think I will name it....Georgie...or maybe...pansy ;p



Sounds good! I was off for a bit, but am back for a few minutes!

Sweet Dreams Katherine!


Andrea, I read your comment/reply to Kapunua's comment, which I read as well, and I am still confused. But that's okay, sweetie. Sometimes, things just get.. distorted? on the blogs.

Andrea said...

BC, thanks for sticking up for me earlier in the day. You were one of the few who did, and I really appreciate it.

Andrea said...

Paperheartxx said...
Sometimes, things just get.. distorted? on the blogs.

I think that's the understatement of the year!

If you want clarification on anything, please feel free to ask. But maybe do it over at my blog or in email so we're not adding to the commotion here.

Anonymous said...

No problem Andrea :)
paperheart, i'm surprised you're still up :)
have any plans for the weekend? we should throw a blog party. When was the last time we let loose?

It's been more tighter here than a wedgie

JocelynHolly said...

Andrea.

I'm still confused about EVERYTHING really. So are things between you and K cool now?

Anonymous said...

Mayo,

Thanks for the hospitality.

I really do care and hope everything works out for you.

That goes for SS too.

Take care.

Mya

Andrea said...

I think so, paperheart. K and I had a good long talk, and I think we reached an understanding.

ergoproxy said...

goodnight katherine!
sweet dreams

JocelynHolly said...

BC, work, shopping, sleeeep!
Blog Party? For sure!!

Andrea, that's good. =] *HUG*

Andrea said...

Aww, thanks! *hugz*

JocelynHolly said...

Night Mya!<3

ergoproxy said...

bye Mya

xx

Anonymous said...

Sounds good, paperheart. :)

JocelynHolly said...

I am off to bed. Everyone have a great night!

HUGS&KISSES;
-007
<3

ergoproxy said...

Andrea it's a very admirable stand to take.
Hope everything you have said about your friends works out well, for you and tiff and ucb
will they be about again? I'm sure they would be nice people to have around.
especially if we can get to know them better, with no overreaction in the way

Anonymous said...

sweet dreams mya

Anonymous said...

Sweet dreams teddy bear *big hugs*

Amyranth said...

?

Why is Mya deleting her posts?

-A

ergoproxy said...

night PH *cuddly bedtime hug*

ergoproxy said...

mya has decide to go

ergoproxy said...

I didn't want her to :(

Anonymous said...

Mya's deleting her posts? How come?

Amyranth said...

I see. That's a shame.

-A

Amyranth said...

I think I'm kicking off for the weekend guys. Family will be in town straight thru until Sunday. Man, I can't wait for another 2 days off...

Goodnight everyone. Goodnight Mayo. There's some extra tortilla chips on top of the fridge if you want them.

-A

Anonymous said...

Goodnight Amy. Sweet dreams. enjoy your weekend

ergoproxy said...

goodnigth amyranth Have a great weekend, hope your days off come soon

Anon616 said...

Hello Ergo, BC, Amy...anyone still around! Has it calmed down in here a bit yet?

Wait, Mya's leaving???? Why?
:(

ergoproxy said...

toujours said...
mayo,

were you the anon who said "goddammit! you are stronger than this" last night?

even if you weren't, it's a comment i haven't been able to get out of my head. i've re-read your poem and your postscript. i've tried to hear what you're saying in the spaces between the words. and i feel ashamed.

mayo, you came to us last night with something real from your life, and i was so caught up in the drama we invented that i wasn't really there for you. i feel like i failed you, and i'm sorry.

your entry last night was about endings, whether one from the past or a current one i don't know, but it's clearly one that lives in your heart still.

there's a prayer i sometimes say on the threshold of the new year, and one part of it goes like this: "what is meant for me to leave behind, i leave behind. what is meant for me to carry forward, i carry."

mayo, maybe this ending was something that was meant to be. maybe it isn't something you need anymore.

and that isn't comforting if you are heartsore, i realize. i'm sorry. i can't comfort you. i'm just words on your screen. you can't see my face, can't read the sympathy in my expression.

all i can do is reaffirm my purpose here. i still myself, i quiet the chatter, and i listen for your voice.

always.

good night, mayo. sleep well, dream well, and wake refreshed.

(i'm well aware that i've made plenty of assumptions in this comment, but i gave my heart rein. please laugh and shake your head if i've said anything too over the top, yes?)

Anon616 said...

Beautifully stated TJ!
*big hug*

ergoproxy said...

hi 616!!
TJ always has the best way of putting things
(really we are separated only by distance)

Yes Mya told me she felt there wasn't any reason for her to stay anymore.
I think it's a shame, but if someone feel the time is for ending things there isn't much you can do about it if you disagree.
I hate to see people go
:( *sniff*

Anonymous said...

ghost
I am so sorry that you are in so much pain.
Remember what I told you to pretend.

Anonymous said...

Hi there Wendy.
Ergo, It's unfortunate that Mya had to leave us. I don't like when our friends leave, but if she feels the need to do, then I guess I have to understand that.

Anonymous said...

Hello again everyone. What have I missed?

A

Anon616 said...

ergoproxy said...
hi 616!!
TJ always has the best way of putting things
(really we are separated only by distance)
======
You and TJ are "soul sista's" Ergo, A soul sista is a sister, no matter the distance! ;-)

Well, I shall miss Mya too!
Love, respect and hugs to you Mya.....
BE WELL & SAFE in your career, I know it's a bit of a dangerous one....

I'm wishing only the best things in life for you and your daughter!

*joins Ergo in sniffs* *sigh*

Hello to 'ghost speaking anonymous'

Love & Hugs,
#6
Wendy

Anon616 said...

Anonymous said...
Hello again everyone. What have I missed?

A

==========
Oh boy! That's a LOADED question this morning......

We could try to expain it all; but, since alot of us still don't understand what all the excitement was about I don't think we would be of very much help ;-)

How are you feeling BC? Ergo? Anonymous A?

Anonymous said...

I shall miss you too

Anonymous said...

Hello A. There's so much to explain, I think it may take a while. You may need to read comments from earlier on.
Mya, I'll miss you.
Wendy, I'm doing okay. I'm getting ready for bed in a while. How are you?

Anon616 said...

*big pounce/tackle and hugs and kisses for Mya*!!!!

Now, I'm really sad..........

:(

ergoproxy said...

thanks Mya

hello ghostanonymous and A - who is not amyranth?

I'm good thanks 616 had a day shopping, heading to the end of Friday.
Day cooling down as the sun sets.
Cooking dinner.
How are you?

Anon616 said...

The Avenger said...
==========
Wendy, I'm doing okay. I'm getting ready for bed in a while. How are you?

=========
BC is a night owl like me ;-)

I was doing good BC, thanks for asking. But now I, like you and others are, am sad to see a friend leave.

Anon616 said...

Ergo: Glad to hear you had a nice day!

As for me, see my reply to BC.
Not only am I sad this morning but also LAZY ;-)

What are cooking? I'm trying to smell but my sniffer is a bit off due to a cold and bronchitus (again)

ergoproxy said...

souvlaki lamb drumsticks with greek salad and turkish bread

hope your sniffer unclogs soon!

Anonymous said...

Wendy, I am developing the traits of the night owl indeed, but mostly because when I sleep I can't stand noise, so I have to wait for others to get their asses in bed. I also don't like nightlights ^_^


It's sad to see mya go. Mya, if you're still lurking, take care my dear friend, don't forget to visit us from time to time. All my love to you

Anonymous said...

Wendy, are you sick? Aw. All my get well wishes to you *hugs*

Anon616 said...

ergoproxy said...


hope your sniffer unclogs soon!

=======
That made me literally LOL (and helped unclog my sniffer a bit in the process) Glad I had a box of tissues on my desk!!!!!

Ohhh......I don't like nightlights either BC. I need COMPLETE DARKNESS to sleep. A good thing I have storm shutters to shut out that sunlight ;-)

Thanks for the get well wishes too!
I'm going to the doctor tomorrow to begin my 4 weeks of cough meds and antibotics.....that's usually how long it takes for me to get rid of this.

I'll have the entire house repainted by the time I'm well again. That cough medicine makes me hyper!

Anonymous said...

Sniffer? lol
Wendy, night lights are pure evil. I can't stand them. I also can't stand sunlight going in my room when I'm sleeping. I need total darkness just like you. I have blinds, but I haven't been able to get around to putting them up yet. My mind too busy being a scatterbrain ;p

As for the get well wishes, you are very welcome :)

ergoproxy said...

I need the dark to sleep too!

and I cannot have a ticking clock in the room as I will listen to it.
drives me nuts!

Anonymous said...

Oh no, I hate the clock too Ergo. Those things are annoying, especially with the beeping noise.

Anonymous said...

Oops, I was talking about electronic clocks, but ricking noises from the old clocks are annoying too ^__^

Anon616 said...

Get those blinds up BC, you'll sleep much better once you do (and, perhaps your brain will be less scattered with more sleep *big wink*)

And ticking clocks!!! I can't stand that tick-tock either Ergo. It seems that each one get's louder than the last - when you're trying to go to sleep......
I like a nice humming sound when I'm trying to go to sleep :)

Well ladies, I'm off to 'greener' pastures now ;-) I might as well try to do something productive tonight, right?

Good night Ergo, BC, Mayo, SS, Mya (if you're lurking) and all other lurkers!!!

Love and Hugs to ALL,
#6
Wendy

ergoproxy said...

I have a new poem

http://noneventmass.blogspot.com/

let me know what you think anyone.
it's a bit grim.

night BC and 616

I'll catch you next time


Mayo
I hope the day you've had was fulfilling
You seem to have many things to deal with
I really hope you can live each day well and be true to yourself.
wishing love and contentment to you and yours
much love
xx

Anonymous said...

Wendy, my brain is scattered now. I spelled ricking instead of ticking lol. I have to get around to putting the blinds up because I don't like the sun too.

the tick tock sound is indeed annoying he he. Goodnight and sweet dreams Wendy. And get well!

Anonymous said...

Sweet dreams and goodnight Ergo. I'm gonna go read your poem and leave a comment. Take care

Anonymous said...

Mayonaise, here's a poem for you that I recently found. I hope it may bring you some comfort.


A step

On the other side of darkness, far away there shines a light,
A light to end all sorrow,
A light to be ever free,
A light for a new tomorrow
A light for you and me

On the other side of darkness,
far away there shines a light,
A light which gives out joy,
A light which is made of love,
A light which minds employ,
That light in heaven above

On the other side of darkness,
far away there shines a light
A light which bathes mans mind
in the wisdom of eternal flame
That which will redeem mankind
And make the highest truths plain

Raja Sivaji

farawaysoclose said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
farawaysoclose said...

hello family.
*sigh*
i feel exhausted!
anyway i'll try and pop in a bit later. hope everyone is ok.
you too mayo, and SS.

Kassiopeia said...

Morning Mayo,

So it's now the morning after the night before and I'm glad to see it's all calmed down a bit, not that I'm entirely innocent of a little gentle stirring.

A measure of how hopelessly addicted I am is that my first Internet port of call this morning was here and not Perez Hilton to check on Britney's latest insanity!

Which I'm now off to check out...

Kass xx

Kassiopeia said...

I probably should point out that I don't want her^^ to go mental for my entertainment, I just hope her kids are OK and don't end up needing a f***load of therapy!

Kass xx

sister midnite said...

Hi everyone.

I haven't posted in a few days, some of you may have noticed. And after catching up on what's been happening here over the last couple of days, I doubt I'll be posting much until the shitstorm calms down again.

I understand that people were hurt, and that things were said in defense of friends. However, the whole 'tone' of these last few blogs is, quite frankly, sickening. It doesn't feel like we're a family; it's more like we've become a Buzznet for adults. And I fucking HATE it, TBPH.

I've been talking to Andrea since this shit all started, four months ago. She and I have exchanged personal stuff more than once. Any of you who've talked to her know that she's been here since the beginning. And yet, today, some fucking ANON-MY-ASS's were all too willing to crucify her, over some shit post on BN. And because I have a fucking life, and I CAN'T be online every hour of every day, I feel like I'm a bad friend for not being here to stand by her. (I'm sorry, Andrea. I wish I'd been here. T_T )

I count Kapunua as my friend, as well. I admire the fact that so many people are willing to stand up for her. She's one well-liked lady, is her. ^_^

But in my books, so is Andrea. Somewhere along the line, it seems we (as a group) have forgotten how to ask before we accuse. And that, to be honest, blows dead goats. It really does.

Whether you like it or not, I have some facts to share for people's perusal. Feel free to skip my post if you don't like it.

1) We've created some really strong ties here, which is still pretty damned incredible. But now, we're all so willing to PROTOCT each other that we damn near tear the throat out of others, no questions asked. The truth is, anyone can come in here at any time. We don't have to like it, but there's not a fucking thing we can do about it. It's Mayo's blog, not ours -- only he can police it. If he wanted our 'protoction', I would hope he could ask for it.

2) THIS IS FUCKING BLOG-BELIEVE. I mean, come ON, people -- we have a purple unicorn among our ranks!! What happened to the fun we used to have in here?! It's all doom & drama nowadays. Is it really any wonder why people feel it necessary to take a break from this place?? Personally? If I want bullshit, I can return to my real life, thanks very much.

3) When shit does go down, all of us -- and I do mean ALL OF US -- need to remember that we have people in a lot of different time zones. And that people have lives & responsibilities that are more important than a fucking blog. If you feel like you're missing out on info, hit up somebody's profile, for fucksakes!! EMAIL ADDRESSES ARE IN ALMOST ALL PROFILES. Isn't it a lot easier to say, "hey, its ___. WTF?" than it is to believe in a convoluted conspiracy theory? (If it isn't, you shouldn't be spending so much time here. The CIAS or FBI could use you.)

The moral of this story? If you don't know, ASK before you assume the worst. If anyone in here was truly evil, I think they would have been discovered by now.

4) Shit that isn't posted here, doesn't get posted here for a REASON. It's not to hide shit from anyone, or to include or exclude ANYONE. It's called common courtesy and e-t-i-q-u-e-t-t-e, in case you haven't heard. The Big Tent is/was a discussion forum that was meant to be sans vultures. If you didn't get the email, it wasn't for lack of trying. There are no conspiracies, and no one was meant to be left out.

5) Conversely, however, don't blame us if you're new here and don't know anything. It's not our fucking duty to share info with n00bs, or anons, especially when they're fucking rude. If we don't know you, we have no reason to trust you. If you expect it to be any different, then obviously you're pretty new to the internet!

If you want to know something, all of Mayo's previous blogs are accessible -- feel free to go back and read them.

Once again, if it's not posted here, THERE IS A REASON FOR IT. (PPU, do you think you could try and remember that in between your bouts of being rude to everyone?)

/ rant

And with that, I'm finally turning off this flippin' machine so I can get some sleep. Just please remember, we're supposed to be a family. Let's all try to start acting like it again, please?

I love you all.

- Sis "Damn the Hyenas" Midnite, aka 'Trikki Nikki'

Kassiopeia said...

Love you too SisM, but families often fight the worst of all!

Kass xx

ergoproxy said...

SisM well said.

Hi Kass,FASC I just posted a couple of poems if you'd like a look (my blog is all my poetry)I'd love to know what you think
http://noneventmass.blogspot.com/
- I still cannot link, lol

take care, it's my bedtime so I'll catch y'all tomorrow ot later today.

Anonymous said...

Ergo rocks!!

Pickled Possum said...

Good morning Charlie/Mayo.

A while ago you were concerned about the impact on others if you said what you really wanted to.

Was this finally the eruption that has been trembling below the surface?

Much as I love volcanoes, never be fooled by their benign dormancy. These are the most unexpected and volatile. Their tephra and ash fallout can drift far and wide to devastating effect. The volcano is either left intact, or torn asunder, scarred and reshaped forever.

Are you intact or asunder?
Were there survivors after the fallout?

*leaves a bowl of summer cherries for Mayo, and quietly removes the bowl of toenails*

Pickled Possum said...

Hmm, it was busy around here today.

Ergo and OPL,
I hope you don't mind those recipes finding a new home.
*added to a bulging shelf*

PJ's in blue,
Cool colour, with a nice orange b embellishment, too I see.

Toujours,
Your post (and OPLs earlier)
brought everything back to the heart of this place. Nicely written as always.

SisM,
Nice to see them boots a-kicking again. Nice and pointy too.

Kapunua and Andrea,
That explains a lot. Good on the two of you getting it sorted. Who knew bold letters could cause such a riot.

SS,
Pleasure as always to read you around. I hope your New Year was enjoyably shared with family and friends. Snap with Kapunua on purchasing a CD after your exposure ....







of a band's talent.

And just because although it is the lowest common denominator...dirt is good,

Anonymous said,
anima said...

Great post L.
I think there is a little of SS in all of us. Regardless if it was him or not, I believe his spirit is strong and ever present.

I really shouldn't have laughed as much as I did when I read that.

SS = Super Stamina

*ignores 'little'*

*ponders whether SS is due a rest after such a busy time*

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

"Many thousands of people have had the experience of finding the first friend, and it is none the less a wonder; as great a wonder…as first love, or even a greater. I had been so far from thinking such a friend possible that I had never even longed for one; no more than I longed to be King of England....Nothing, I suspect, is more astonishing in any man’s life than the discovery that there do exist people very, very like himself“

-C.S. Lewis, Surprised by Joy p. 130-131.

'Yet, the truth of the matter is that friendship is a divine and heavenly gift, especially when one has friends that are based around pursuing that which is good, true, and beautiful.' ClintPerry

Eew, toenails? ;P

anima said...

Stopping in to tell everyone hello this morning.

SS, I completely overlooked you last night. I apologize. I think I even told you to 'loosen up' a bit. Talk about being on edge all day! The anons yesterday were vultures. I actually thought it was someone pretending to be you. I'm not so sure who is who around this place sometimes. Then I just completed missed all your posts. Oh well, I saw them today.

Thank you for stopping by. Was that you that laughed at my 'SS in all of us' comment? I hope so. That was pretty funny. SS, you have such a calming presence and I think some of us have tried to take that approach with the vultures - it may not always work, but some of us do try. That's what I meant by it. You have left quite an impression on us and I have definitely learned a lot from you. It was a silly comment, but again, I was feeling all sorts of love. Trying to keep the spirits around here high.

Mayo, I hope you are doing okay. I want nothing but the best for you. Hang in there. We are here for you when you need us.

Blogbelieve Family, I just want to remind all of you how much you mean to me. This is a really special place. Let's not let the 'mean' anon's get us down. Take it for what is worth and move on. We are stronger than them, and we know it (especially together as a team)!

I have more to say, but I need to get back to work.

Love to all of you,
Anima

anima said...

P.S. One more thing.

My blog was supposed to be private, I have absolutely no idea how it was discovered, to this day it still remains a mystery to me.

I believe this is how it went down. You posted here in your full name (not logged on, but in black). Someone googled that name along with 'Blogger' and your blog profile came up. I think that is what happened.

anima said...

Sorry, I really do need to go, but PP, this just kills me: *ponders whether SS is due a rest after such a busy time*

Hahaha! I think so!

Anonymous said...

Love Frankie's hair, I do.

Looks tired, he does.

Rest his head on my bosoms, he should.

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