Saturday, December 29, 2007

Who do you think I am anyway...

The catalyst of confusion
started a fire
while shopping for
a soul on a high wire.

Until now I was unaware that the remuneration for impropriety exceeded that set for dignity. How much did you get for yours? As for my dignity…I will hold onto it, thank you. I would rather starve than feed my soul from a base wage.

With my voice in repose, I hid behind my own forbearing shadow, and allowed silence to foster absolution. Silence failed, and I have become intolerant of flippant commentary.

I am not so completely unaware. Because I am certain that is common knowledge, your recent presentment was, quite frankly, out of line. Your bravado flames me.

As it happened, I had simply misplaced the why, where, and how. I can identify the sickness in that statement, and I concede fault in my volition. I understand that I can be fucking difficult. My own scathing behavior must remain in constant check.

I am not able to take back that fleeting moment or the injustice it served you. I have arrived at the place from where I must move on. I wish you the same in your departure.






p.s. a fucking doormat.

3,911 comments:

1 – 200 of 3911   Newer›   Newest»
elena said...

Mayo I'm confused.

Fimble Star said...

are you happy now

are you seriously happy.

think about the people hear for once please because some they think about you.

i will go read you post now i just ad to say that because well yeh just that
cheers mate

Anonymous said...

Who ya talking to, Mayo?

Anonymous said...

And just as I was about to go to bed...


I'll be right back.

ergoproxy said...

mayo what is this about?

are you saying goodbye or have you reached a point in a relationship where it cannot be salvaged?

are you ok?

Amyranth said...

I knew it!

Told ya. He's NOT GERARD WAY.

Mayo, there's nothing wrong with being fucking difficult.
But I don't think of you as a doormat.

I hope none of us do. I only speak for myself though.

-Amyranth

elena said...

Fuck, I really hope you're not talkng to us. Maybe I'm just stupid but I thought we were friends. Okay, I know I'm pretty damn stupid sometimes but I still think we're friends. So please tell me if I'm wrong.

Anonymous said...

It's not over, is it Mayo?


I'm sorry.

Anonymous said...

Wait, what?!

ergoproxy said...

I feel really bad for you.

I don't know what has happened but it seems it's hurt you deeply

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

You blow hot and cold, so it's hard to tell if your angry posts are to us or to someone else.

Original Punk J said...

Mayo,

I have a couple of guesses who you're writing to with this.

I only hope that one of my guesses is wrong.

If you're still here, honey, and feel like it, will you come talk with us? Or are we the problem?

Somehow I don't think we are.

Come on out, we're here for you.

J

Entropy said...

Yeah,who are you talking to?

Don't let us freak out if it's not to us.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I can't either Kapunua.



For what it's worth, I'm kinda just sitting here looking at the screen trying to make sense of this.

I thought everything was okay in both respects.

Maybe I was wrong.

Amyranth said...

OP - I hope we're not.

Right now, I'm not having an easy time deciphering the Mayo-nese.

-A

Anonymous said...

You seriously interrupted some heavy stuff there, Mayo. Jesus. Way to make us STFU about it. ;)

Martha Smith-Jones said...

So where you that anon asking questions? I'm guess that this is directed at us and a subject that we talked about that you didn't like.

Fimble Star said...

so mayo it is time to sit down again and talk a little like you do.

sit down and vent what is on your mind. you should know it is better to say it than to keep it bottled up.

are you saying goodbye to us

Anonymous said...

Why do I get the feeling Mayo thinks he has been used?


Mayo, if that was directed at us, you're very mistaken. We were talking today at DM about how much we've enjoyed this place and how we've all grown, you very much included. We're here because we want to be.

Anonymous said...

I love you, Fimble. ^_^

Amyranth said...

Mayo-

If you were that anon, then maybe you should read my last comment on your last post.

If you feel like it anyway. I mean, it's up to you.

-A

elena said...

Mayo, you know it's kinda hard sometimes to understand you. No really it's kinda hard to understand you a lot of the time. When we talk to you, you know. When you talk who the hell knows you you're talking to?
This is pretty angry. You have to know there are a lot of people who care about you that are gonna worry that it's them your anger is addressing.
well? Are you pissed at us?

toujours said...

whoa.

this is strong, this is -- on first read -- daunting.

i can hear the anger, it's front page in this post after all, but there's a balancing underneath, too, i think.

you are very interesting, mayo.

Fimble Star said...

oh shucks jules. i love you to but we have to save all the love for mayo remember.

its all about the mayonaise

Anonymous said...

Man, you know we all get freaky when you say words like "departure" and "buzz" and stuff.

Nah, I know it's your blog and we're only kind of hanging out, so you say whatever you need to say, and honestly you don't owe us an explanation. Must be hard needing to say something but having an audience of other bloggers going, "WHAT? WHAT?"

I hope you have a journal or something where you can just write uninhibited.

Anonymous said...

How about a non-intrusive question then, Mayo. Tell me about the best dinner you ever had.

elena said...

I wish I hadn't woke up. This is depressing.

Anonymous said...

Appetizers.

We want to know what the appetizers were ;)

Anonymous said...

Well anyway, J., I answered you on the last blog.

ergoproxy said...

mayo
I just hope you are ok.
that you are making whatever decision based on deliberate thought and not hot headedness. It sounds like you've tried, I hope you are able to move on from your decision.
You cannot put a price on dignity and noone should put a price on renumeration (which by definition it is but,you know) Do you feel what you've done can never be enough?

Just tell me you are OK?

toujours said...

no, just the appetizer. ;)

Anonymous said...

Mustard, did you get my email from earlier m'dear? 'Cause damn.

Fimble Star said...

mayo.

your probably not here but i need to ask you something

why dont you talk much with us?


4 months, 4 MONTHS.

Anonymous said...

OMG, we actually have inside jokes here. That's pretty decent.

Anonymous said...

TJ:

And he's probably forgotten ;)


Kapunua:

I did. I suppose I caught the ball.

elena said...

Mayo I guess your silence is an answer. I'm sorry. I'm not sure why but I am.
No I know why I'm sorry. I'm sorry because you feel bad for some reason. That makes me feel bad.
I hope things get better for you. I'm only sorry I can't do a damn thing to fix it for you.

Anonymous said...

You're not coming out, are you Mayo?


I know I took back an apology awhile ago, but I'm giving it back now. I'm really sorry if we've done anything wrong.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Mustard. It kinda breaks my heart.

toujours said...

mustard, i can't remember the best appetizer i ever had, so i can cut him some slack if he doesn't either. lol

wouldn't that be kind of neat though if he sat down one day and answered every question he's asked us?

could be interesting...

Anonymous said...

You win some, you lose some, you know?

Anonymous said...

Wait, just the other day I was telling someone, "It was the best goddamn tasting thing I had ever eaten, seriously the best dinner ever." And now I don't remember what food had made me so, errr, effusive. Verbally.

Anonymous said...

TJ:

Better yet, what if Mayo answered every question we've asked him.

He would have written a novel by now.

I hope we were never too intrusive Mayo.

Original Punk J said...

Mayo,

What is going on, sweetie, please, let us know who or what you are talking about.

J. just woke me up to come look at this. You're angry, that much is evident, but will you talk to us or me, for a moment?

Love you dearly,
L.

Anonymous said...

Mustard, you know, I don't want to be right about that. It was a hunch. I want to be wrong. Hell, I probably am.

Mayo, err, it's not about you, promise. Sorry to interrupt. Carry on.

Mayonaise said...

I put my faith in someone.

I was wrong.

Anonymous said...

Mayo:

Kinda off topic, but just to let you know--there has been a handful of us to be kicked out of your house (lovely by the way;) at around the 200-300 comment mark. We're still here, we just can't comment.

And given this post, maybe that's best.

toujours said...

oh, i don't know, mustard. we've asked a wide variety of questions, and i'm not really interested in the answers to all of them.

but, yes -- if he answered them all, it would be five russian novels, back-to-back.

*poor guy*

:)

Anonymous said...

And damnit, it sucks.

I'm so sorry.

Seriously.

I'm so sorry for that.

Amyranth said...

Mayonaise Darling

We all make mistakes.

The important part is to make sure that they don't give us something irreversible.

Don't let your anger and disappointment become something that consumes you. Don't let it change you.

Please.

-Amyranth

Anonymous said...

Oooh, ouch. I guess we've all been down that road.

Well, I suppose we're not to know who it is then, and that, by the way, is cool. It's your journal.

Hey, I hope you can still work it out.

Original Punk J said...

Mayo,

Personal or professional, sweetie?

Or both?

L.

toujours said...

mayo, i hope that unfortunate experience won't deter you believing in others.

keep your heart, okay?

Anonymous said...

The say that faith sometimes restores itself.

I've almost lost faith in something imparticular. I'm holding on, but it's hard.


Is there a chance that faith will ever be restored?

Anonymous said...
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elena said...

I'm sorry to hear that Mayo. Putting your faith in someone who doesn't deserve it hurts.

I wish I could say something that would make you feel better.

Just know that there are a lot of people here who are thinking about you, caring about you.

That probably doesn't help but hey, mabye it could help just a little.

Anonymous said...

Mayo, do you like, or dislike being challenged? I mean like, being majorly challenged by others? Because I kinda like it, only sometimes, and it seems as if you're not too keen on it. I presume a lot in saying that, and I'm only going by some of the stuff you posted.

Or, if this person just totally betrayed you and dicked you over, then it's not about challenge anymore, huh?

Jennicula said...

Mayo, sometimes that happens. You just have to pick yourself up. Brush yourself off, and move on. It sucks, but it does get better.

Hang in there. You'll be ok.

My mom always says "When one door closes, another opens up."

I think it's true.

Fimble Star said...

mayo

i have had that done often but when you are not with them if they meant something to you in the first place then you do miss them.

think about what you have going for you and if you truly need them in your life. think about the good times and the bad times.

Original Punk J said...

Mayo,

You have seen the times we have opened up to each other when we were hurting or angry.

Please let us talk to you now. If you don't want to give details, that is fine, but I know you are still there, you are still waiting.

Let us do for you a fraction of what you have done for us.

Love,
L.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mayo, you know, so this post doesn't read like a betrayal so much as "wow, you pissed me off." Did this person betray you, or did they just push you?

Okay, so not my business, but I'm just saying.

Fimble Star said...

god i do pull some shit out of my arse tonight.

mayo seriously do what you want.

every man is his island, you just have too decide what your island is going to be

HAHAHA MORE SHIT RIGHT THERE

come on anons i write like an idiot and i cant put a sentance together. boo fucking hoo but look at me now you little fuckwits

Martha Smith-Jones said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Martha Smith-Jones said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

MJ,
It isn't about us.

toujours said...

the best thing to do is to move on. if this person is someone who has betrayed you, someone who has brought out this fire, then they are still going to be a part of you, still going to be hurting you.

you have to let them go. not for their sake, this isn't about forgiveness. just get them out of your head. heal.

Anonymous said...

Hey Mayo?

Will everything be okay?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

TJ:

That's kinda easier said than done.

If that someone has been part of your life, it's hard to instantly get them out of it, you know?

elena said...

Mayo time for me to be stupid SanDee Sunshine.
It will get better. Tomorrow things will be better. Go to sleep. Let go of the anger, at least for now.
At least for now...

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Sorry about that blogger is being bitch with me tonight.

Anonymous said...

Well, but it's not as easy as just letting go.

I think, unfortunately, it's easy for us to read into things like this when we're trying to be helpful. I rather think that sometimes we're more clumsy with our advice I mean, does it make any sense at all to you, Mayo, without context? We don't know what the hell you're talking about yet we all have answers, don't we?

Maybe you can't let go, huh? Maybe you still want the person in your life. Maybe they're supposed to be. Or perhaps not? Maybe you were both wrong. Maybe it will pass, maybe it won't. Time will tell, I suppose.

I guess this doesn't make any sense to you at all. I just don't want to offer you platitudes and cliches. Those things don't really work in real life, you know? So in the meantime, we just kind of flounder around taking guesses.

OTOH, it's your journal, like I've said before. I suspect you're not asking for our commentary with posts like this. Ah, but, well, you get it anyway. Sorry.

toujours said...

mustard, i'm not talking about "instantly", but you have to begin. i know the heart and head are more complicated than that -- i've been through a divorce, i'm nursing a friend through one, there are so many kinds of betrayal, you know? -- but hanging on, even to anger, is not the right path.

it can feel good, but it's just following a will o' the wisp, in the end.

ergoproxy said...

Mayo it happens to the best of us.
Faith from someone is a gift, it is such a shame you found the person didn't deserve it.
Don't let it put you off in the future.
I still wish you love and happiness, I sure hope you find it, and that you have a very unusual band of supporters here, if you ever need us.
Thanks for letting us gather here.
I have to go and get ready to go out,
see everyone tomorrow
Mayo be safe and well,
much love xx

Anonymous said...

You speak the truth SanDee Sunshine. I agree with everything you said. It's not stupid.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

So you put your faith in someone and they turn around and spit in your face. Been on both sides of that situation.

I hope you can work it out.

toujours said...

see you later, ergo.

Anonymous said...

Night owl:

Frozen in the place I hide
Not afraid to paint my sky with
Some who say I've lost my mind
Brother try and hope to find

You were always so far away
I know that pain so don't you run away
Like you used to do

elena said...

Star - I can't believe I wrote SanDee Sunshine. My daddy called me that when I was a little girl. I haven't thought about that name in forever.

He also told me that when things seem really bleak to go to sleep. He said that in the morning light things look different.

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

It is such a true statement , though, Elena.

Fimble Star said...

good night mayo. i hope you find yourself. i think i need to go and find myself

goodbye

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Rereading what you wrote it seems that the person you had faith in doesn't like something you did. Could it be that this person also feels betrayed by you and is just evening the score so to speak.

I have no idea what this person did or how close you are or were to this person. I won't say to cut this person out of your life. Just take a step back from them and think about what this person has brought into your life.

toujours said...

good night fimble.

Anonymous said...

Well, Mayo, I'm not sure where you stand or who you're standing by, but I'll just tell you about my own personal faith situation, and maybe you'll gain something from it.


I've never had anyone to put my faith into. I don't expect much from people. Maybe just some kindness and honesty. That's about it. The only thing I have faith in is an intangible idea, mostly. I have faith in words. I have faith in music. And that's only because it was there when no one else was.

My point is, I can't really begin to comprehend the pain you're probably feeling, but I can imagine it's difficult. The thing I rest my faith on? One aspect seems to be crumbling as we speak, but somewhere deep inside, I'm finding little bitty foot and hand holds.

Maybe searching a little deeper will help, or maybe realizing that it's hard to have faith in things. We're only human after all. And that sucks, because we should be able to have faith in those we love and care about.

Best wishes to you, my man. I really hope you find the answers you're looking for.

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Martha Smith-Jones said...

Goodnight FS.

Anonymous said...

What are you getting at, Mya?

Amyranth said...

Alright, I'm getting booted off, in favour of YouTube.

I'll talk to some of you tomorrow.

Mayo, my email is on my profile for a reason.

Just sayin.

-A

Anonymous said...
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Martha Smith-Jones said...

Goodnight Amy

Anonymous said...

Entropy, Carrie just told me on chat that you want into my pants. Is this true? ^_^

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Where is everyone

Anonymous said...

I know Mya. That's not what I'm talking about.

You are alluding to things, and I was wondering what those things were.

That's all.

Anonymous said...

This just in: Entropy has gotten into my pants. Alert the paparazzi.

Anonymous said...

Mustard, get in my pants. I love you.

Anonymous said...
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Original Punk J said...

The catalyst of confusion
started a fire
while shopping for
a soul on a high wire.


Mayo,
High wire acts are performed at the Circus, aren't they? Is this where you found your anger?

L.

Entropy said...

I like it in here. It's comfy.

Mustard,you'd love it.

Anonymous said...

I'm not sure why people want me in their pants, but I'll pass ;)




Mayo, are you still here?


Give us your Good night before you go.

It makes it feel normal when you do that.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

I think high wire line refers to trying to walk a thin line between balancing the different parts of his life.

Anonymous said...

The catalyst of confusion
started a fire
while shopping for
a soul on a high wire.


Or it could be as easy as a simple electricity wire.

They're high in the air.

Anonymous said...

That, too, makes perfect sense MJ.


A balancing act.

Walking a tightrope.

Both frequently used.

Anonymous said...

Mustard, you wound me. Deeply. To my pants.

Original Punk J said...

Where is Miss T.? She posted that she was leaving for a while and her blog is now deleted.

Does anyone know what happened?

L.

Anonymous said...

Now you sound like Loveman. ;)

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

She was upset about something today, L.

We tried to get her to talk to us, but she just said she was sad.

I do hope everything's alright, MissT.

Anonymous said...

Mya:

WTF. Seriously. What are you talking about?

Anonymous said...

Brandishing to my vocabulary, extensive with verbage of prose, though rightness does not enter the sacred halls of my fingers.

I flail my words towards the mass. The type is mightierest.

Gerard Way.

Babbling regularly scheduled, back to thus.

Original Punk J said...

Mayo,

After reading your post again, I do think you are talking about something said on one of these blogs and that someone here has let you down.

Do you plan to leave us?

Does the fate of one decide the fate of all?

Please give us a little more to go on, honey, we are confused.

I love you, I want to help, I just don't know what is going on.

L.

Martha Smith-Jones said...
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Anonymous said...

Haha. You said "fingers."

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Yes, Mya, I do.

Original Punk J said...

Mya, yes. We got it. I will write back in a moment.

J

Anonymous said...
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Anonymous said...

Mayo? What silence?

Anonymous said...

Who do I think you are?

I think you're Mayo.

I think you're generous for having let us occupy this space for so long.

I think you're a pretty awesome person.

I think you've helped a lot of individuals here.

P.S. Not to me


Goodnight Mayo.
Goodnight everybody.

Entropy said...

Goodnight,Mustard!

You should visit K's pants when you get the chance.

Anonymous said...

Goodnight, everyone.

Goodnight, Mayo. I hope that whoever this is, if you still need them in your life and they need you, that you can work it out.

Jennicula said...

Entropy, you are a poet, and didn't know it.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Goodnight Kapu and MIB

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Entropy said...

Goodnight,Jules.
I hope so too.

Jenn,thanks! You drunk?

Anonymous said...

Oh, and Mayo? I guess that this is maybe to the same person that you've been writing about every once in a while, huh? Well either way, it pretty much sucks, and I'm sorry you're sad. Well, I'm sorry you're both sad, 'cause I'll bet the other person is, too.

sally said...
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Original Punk J said...

Mayo,

Would you do one thing for me? Tomorrow, when you are calmer, because I know you are pretty pissed right now, will you come back on and let us know a little more of what is happening?

I don't know if you are speaking of the people here or in your private life, but please know there are people here who love you and want to know what we can do.

You are important to many here. You are important to me. Not because of who you might be, but because of who you are inside, the person we have seen emerge from these pages.

If it is something on the blogs, isn't it better to tell us what it is that bothered you than to simply walk away with no explanation and no chance of fixing it?

If it is personal, well, you can talk about that too. You don't have to say who, or even give details, but don't shut down when you have so many here who care.

E-mail is offered if you would like sweetie, I will be there.

I meant it when I said I wasn't leaving here again. I meant it when I said I wouldn't leave you.

Please trust me.

Goodnight, Mayo, get some rest, and try to sleep.

I love you, sweetheart.

L.

Original Punk J said...

Katherine,

J is still here.

L.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

hello kd

sally said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Original Punk J said...

KD,

J. e-mailed you back.

L.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

KD are you here

Anonymous said...

I e-mailed you all, learn how to teach yourselves, booooo, it's all about the love.....bert ghost

Entropy said...

Bert Ghost!
Haven't talked to you in a while,sup?
You're right about the love thing.

sally said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
toujours said...

hey everyone. i was wandering around for awhile, but came back make my good nights. y'know, i don't think i've ever been here when the bert ghost is. that's a first. huh.

anyway, three days left in the year. hope all your 2007 to-do lists are mostly crossed off!

talk to you all later, g'night!

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

I have only just started reading the blogs and vaguely commenting here at Mayo's over the past two months. A friend sent me here. And just over the past few nights I started reading the early blogs and comments. What a change in tone. Everyone was so blatant and honest, now it has a tone of walking on eggshells. Which does he prefer? The blatant or the eggshells? I have been here for such a sort time and yet I feel I am being toyed with. I care -and feel stupid for it.

When FASC comes on could someone please pass on that -d is longing to talk. Thank you so much. This group of post-ers is the most endearing group of people I have ever encountered and that is really something. I hope you are all well. And you deserve better than I believe you are getting. Much love -l

sally said...
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elena said...

Hey Lewis. Nice to see you here.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

How are you Elena?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Lewis, Kd we keep missing each other.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

I did not mean to offend Mya, I am just in a weird place tonight. Sorry.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Hi Martha.

elena said...

Honestly I was in a much better mood before Mayo's post.
So much anger worries me. I'm so silly sometimes but I just want things to be okay, you know?
I want Mayo to be happy. I don't want to belive that any of us here upset him. I don't think so but you know Mayo isn't the most straight foreward guy in the world.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

It does seem like we are more careful of the things we say now.

sally said...
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sally said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lewishasfallensloppydead said...

I think mostly that is beacause everyone is more worried now. It is completely understandable. I have yet to Not feel sick upon a new blog from Him. And then I worry when there Isn't a new one for a time. Vicious cycle.

sally said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Martha Smith-Jones said...

Let it out KD. We are here for you so let it out.

elena said...

But Martha isn't it true that the more you get to know someone the more careful you are about what you say and how you say it. You begin to really like the person and you don't want to hurt their feelings. I like Mayo. I don't want to say anything to hurt his feelings. If I think I have something that shoud be said I try to say it in a positive way.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Hello Katherine, I am sorry to hear of your friend. I hope they are better again soon. Even if it is not your pain, it is wearing and constant. Especially when it is someone you care for. Again, I wish them the fastest and most staying recovery.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Yes that is true Elena but it also seems that peoples feelings are getting hurt more now. It's like people forgot what we were like. That we are very opinionated.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Elena, I would think in this setting he would want to hear your thoughts. And everyone else's that posts here. I would hope that this was his whole point, not only to exspress but to learn from others as well. What they had to say to him.

sally said...
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lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Martha -it is the opinions in here and of course Mayo himself -that keeps me coming back. I very much like to know what everyone is thinking. Makes me feel less alone in my own thoughts.

Anonymous said...
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sally said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
lewishasfallensloppydead said...

You've made me smile Mya. It Is nice to be acknowledged sometimes even if it is in not such a lovely mannor. ;)

elena said...

Mya I'm lost. Are you saying you think you pissed him off and you're giddy about it?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Yes it is KD. If only there was a way to make this better for you and him.

Lewis i feel the same way.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

I am sorry Katherine, I did not know. I try to blieve that when our people leave us, they aren't really leaving us at all, they are just going ahead of us for awhile.

I am sorry. I will still keep my wish for him though.

elena said...

Look this is just my way of thinking. You can give a person your opinion without shouting at them. If I have something I think I need to say to Mayo I will say it. But I'm not gonna poke a stick at him to piss him off. In my experince that does no good. I know when someone it trying to tell me something I'm not gonna listen if they piss me off.

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elena said...

Katherine I'm sorry if it seems I'm ignoring you. I'm not. I just don't know what to say.

toujours said...

mayo,

so, get this. today, after lunch, i was reading and i just crashed. one minute, murder mystery in ancient rome, next minute, out like a kid at daycare. (maybe i'm staying up too late these days. d'ya think?)

and when i woke up, it was from a dream about this blog. i dreamt about tonight's post, and it was an angry entry. you were scolding us, and scolding some anon.

interesting, and a little weird. i don't normally do the precognitive thing, it's not one of my skills. but it's a bit of a freaky coincidence, don't you think?

tonight's actual entry seems to be about a pretty complicated situation, seems to be referring to a lot of conflict on both sides. i think if all you wanted to do was send a message to this person, you would have other avenues available to you, which makes me think that you were also looking to see what we thought of it. your mirror, right?

i can only ever respond from what i hear in the words, and from whatever experiences i have had in my life that seem pertinent. whatever i come up with, it's yours.

one last thing. i feel as though your title and postscript are a matched set, though i'm probably mis-reading it completely. but if i'm not, i can only say -- you're not. of course you're not.

thank you for sharing this with us, mayo. though perhaps it sounded light-minded, i meant it truly when i said you're interesting. i never know what part of yourself you're going to show us next.

i feel honored at your honesty.

good night, mayo. sleep well, yes? i think i will.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Elena, I agree I certainly would not listen to someone that seemed to be coming at me. But I would hope that dispite my deffensiveness, if it was an important message they would keep trying to get me to hear it. I would hope anyway!

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elena said...

Mya once again I'm lost. I don't find anything about Mayo's state of mind at the moment funny.
I don't like that he feels hurt.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Well that isn't exactly what I mean. Something has changed in here. We aren't as open as we used to be. We used to debate each other and not step on peoples feelings.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

It seems that Mayo's moods recently match what is going on in the blog.

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elena said...

Martha, I kind see what you mean but then again I don't. Wow way to straddle the fence.
I try not to hurt anyone's feelings and believe me that isn't always easy. Okay this is gonna sound totally stupid but I always feel like I would disappoint SS if I hurt someone. That dude make me want to be a better, a nicer person. I will admit there are a few people here that get on my nerves. I ignore them.
Have I ever hurt your feeling Martha cause if I have I'm very sorry.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Martha, do you really think this latest blog was directed at us? It seems more like a personal rebuff at someone close to him. But why he shared it here -with us? That is what bothers me. I want to know what is going on with him, and that he is alright but I would like it all less cryptic. Maybe I could not handle it more straight forward, but I would like to find out. Sometimes.

elena said...

Mya that is totally not true. I don't give a shit what Mayo's real name is. Shit maybe his mama really named him Mayonaise. I like the man behind the words. I like this place and the feeling I get being here. He ownes the house and that makes me like him even more.

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Anonymous said...

Sorry, Elena. I did not mean to offend.

elena said...

"he who's name shall not be mentioned"

I get really annoyed with that shit. Gerard Way. There I said it.

Like not saying it keeps the evil spirits away.

I like Mayo whoever the fuck he is.

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lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Elena, if I can comment? I think everyone here is just as worried (however quietly) of dissapointing Both parties. And the family that has grown here. I think that is both wonderful and realistic. Just like with family and friends -when you care, you check yourself a bit. Except (at least for me) when mad. You don't want to loose the person. That is not a bad thing. Unless it hinders your true thoughts. I don't think anyone in here has hindered their thoughts, I think they are just a little more quiet or careful in presenting them. I could be insane though.

elena said...

Wow did I just turn cranky or what?

I'm sorry but I keep rereading the post and it upsets me. He seemed so happy and now this. Crap his life has more ups and downs than mine.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Katherine, it rattled me as well. I have no real idea whom it is addressed to, but I also do not know whom to hope for. Us? Or someone close? As it feels Mayo has let them go. That is never a good feeling, even if it necessary.

And Elena, Mya -I actually hope this is not Gerards blog. Then I would feel even more toyed with. I care for Mayo as I feel he needs and lacks something important in his life (I actually am not sure he is a he, I am assuming. Sorry if not!) and maybe he can get it from the people here that he communicates to -in his own style. I like the idea of helping someone that seems to need. Although I am new, I very much like it here and feel this place is special and important.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Elena, I do not think anyone will question your turn there, I was in a rare and fine mood before coming here. Irony. A place that makes me feel better also makes me feel worse. But it does always seem to even out. Hopefully his next post will be more positive. It would be nice if the good mood clung to him for more than a beat.

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elena said...

Lewis I agree with all you've said. I'm really happy you have come here and added to our family.

Oh and Mayo's a he. Go back and read his porn. It's a guy thing! LOL

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Ahh. Well that sucks Katherine. I didn't know that. Doormats are not so loved are they? Unless they are the witty kind. People tend to not wipe their feet so much over the snarky words on those particular mats.

I do not see how he could feel so badly treated by everyone here. That makes no sense, everyone here however their emotions move them seem only to love him/her. That would be greatly foolish (in my opinion) if he thought that.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Sorry the computer that I'm on stop responding. With Mayo it is hard to tell who he is talking to. It's weird because this is the second time mayo has done a post that could relate to things we were saying.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Thank you for saying added Elena. That really means a lot to me. Thank you.

And I believe I have encountered the first of HIS porn. The belt blog? Whew. I cannot believe that there is more. Lordy.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

I have not been on the last blog since I first went in there (when he first posted it) could you tell me what was said a bit please Martha? Not all of the comments load for me in here. It is a rare occasion that I understand what everyone is saying.

elena said...

It's been nice talkig to you all tonight. I must be off now since I have to get up in two hours. Take care.

lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Goodnight Elena, I am off as well. I hope you have a good day tomorrow dispite your lack of sleep!

Goodnight to everyone else too, and Mayo. I hope you are alright and that the departure of whomever it is that you have let go was actually what you wanted. Not just anger. Because regret is a nasty and lasting bedfellow. I will cross my fingers for you.

sally said...
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lewishasfallensloppydead said...

Oh and could someone please tell FASC to email me when there's time. Thank you.

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