You want this straight?
Then you have to be willing to hear me out, and that means all of it. You can not pick and choose the verse; the ugly shit has got to ring in your head too. The things that I say that cling to your clothes like mildew, the stench entrenched, leaving you filthy.
What is the matter? You can’t wash it off? Well, neither can I.
I repeat myself so much these days that the truth is often lost in the mix. Say it, say it again, and again. You try it and see how well rehearsed you can be. Sometimes I change my mind, and you use it against me. You will tuck it away, and bring it out for a later date, only to make me eat shit and lie.
And you will use it against me.
Tuck it away for a later date,
only to make me eat shit...
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2,633 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 401 – 600 of 2633 Newer› Newest»Fabulous news Cupcake.
I believe there's a force out there somewhere that if a person has positive thoughts and prayers floating towards them in the ether it can nudge them in the right direction.
I (kind of) agree with you Mustard, but Ville Valo is a certifiable hottie.
*Grrrrrnnnyyyaaaa!*
Kass xx
Cupcake! *HUG*
That is fucking great news!!
*HUG*
The only issue now will be if it was in fact what I think it was...
He didn't want to live.
I hope I can change his mind if that's the case, because I can't loose him now.
What is the deal with skinny Ville Valo at the moment? He's everywhere.
The drunk bassist from Klaxons has more appeal.
*waits for enlightenment from kass about V*
Cupcake;
All my love out to you this morning! *HUG*
The only issue now will be if it was in fact what I think it was...
He didn't want to live.
Just talk to your friend when you see him. =]
I am off to school. I will talk to everyone later!=]
Mayonaise
Remember, paperheart comment after school, so around 5 pm on these blogs. Be there, or be square mister. (I'm thinking you will be square.)
All my love;
- 007
Hi/bye PH.
*passes tissue box over and smiles warmly at cupcake*
The healing power of love.
Have a good day PH *hugs*
Cupcake,
Maybe I've watched Saw one to many times, but maybe this is one thing that will make him realise how lucky he is to be alive? All you can do is make sure he knows there's good people out there looking out for him, who'd miss him....
And...
Take it back PP!
Maybe it's a Nordic/Finnish thing. I used to have an all-encompassing crush on Mika Hakkinen (F1 driver), swiftly replaced by Tore Andre Flo (Norwegen footballer) when he transferred to Chelsea.
And the voice. You can't deny our Ville's got a damn sexy baritone.
Kass xx
P.S. Really PP. Fight me on this one and I'll hunt you down!
So glad for you and your friend CC.
Time to go now.
Night all.
Kass79 said...
It's my own fault really PP. We don't have any snacks within walking distance so I make sure I only bring in healthy stuff so that's all I can eat. Of course, it doesn't take into account those times of 'the month' when sugar is a medical necessity...
Kass xx
December 12, 2007 7:48 AM
aint it the truth!!!
I hope he's ok....
thing is, I've realized I'm not.
Now WTF is that about?
great news cupcake!
popping in and out again guys!
Ha!
So not taking it back Kass. His arm tattoo looks like wall paper.
While partly agreeing with you on Finnish F1 cardrivers, the Brazillian racers are a class above future, past and present.
*thinking both Pixie and kass will be chasing PP*
I'm sooooooo fucking happy he's ok.]
But I still feel like shit. I already did, before I heard about the accident, but still....
not about you not being ok i mean your friend.
we're all here for you.
Seriously off now.
*runs away giggling fom Kass*
Just keep talking CC.
xoxo
'Night.
I should feel better. I should be ok now, why am i not ok?
CC,
You're feeling sh*tty that you should feel relieved but instead you're concentrating on the things you've done that you perceive to be 'wrong'.
Sadly we've been trained to accept mistakes made by others that we can never accept for ourselves, so you feel a disproportionate amount of guilt connected to this situation that no outsider would ever assign to you.
Keep him in your thoughts, talk to him if you can, but don't forget that we all have personal accountability - a great many of his problems can only be dealt with on his own, but you can be a secure presence in the background. He'd probably feel bad too if he knew how this was affecting you!
Love,
Kass xx
It's not just that Kass....
I have made a few really bad mistakes lately... and they're coming to get me.
And my Mother.... I'm so worried about her.
I'm not taking all my meds, I'm lying to doctors.
I'm so far from having any control.
Good morning everyone!
Ok set down Mayo, this is a long one!
Mayo,
I know you may not find me, lost in all the post, always trying to be the voice of sunshine.
((But this is not that day! )))
I really do not know if i should kiss you on the cheek or kick your ass, for what you posted.
Ghost-imposed gag order.
(You want this straight?)
You bet i do! Have we not been here long enough for you to trust us with you're thoughts?
( What is the matter?
You can’t wash it off? Well, neither can I.)
None of us can! Do you really believe that our lives are so perfect, so full of normal it smells like roses.....bullshit!
I have things in my life that only the dead, see and hear, and would curl even your toes to know the true me, we all live lies, we walk on the outside with a fake smiles, we talk shit and eat shit everyday,
what makes you any different, did you think we would run away if we found out Mayo is only human.
(I repeat myself so much these days that the truth is often lost in the mix. Say it, say it again, and again. You try it and see how well rehearsed you can be. Sometimes I change my mind, and you use it against me. You will tuck it away, and bring it out for a later date, only to make me eat shit and lie.)
This is the point of never doing anything in your life you might not want others to know about.
It's human nature to try an pick a part another human, see how that one ticks, what is hidden, what is the darkest secret, some people walk around with invisible shovels in there hands ready at first chance to dig up the past, people are going to do it, you can not run from it or hide.
But if you lay it all on the table, what then can they talk about.... absolutely nothing, cause its all right there for everyone to see.
I do not know what is going on with you, sounds like you are fighting with demons, demons you use to like to play with, but now comes back to hunt you, and taunt you, to once again come out and play.
Mayo, we all want to hide a side of us, wear a mask to cover the true self, once you take the mask off...
what will we see?
What will we think?
Can we handle it?
And most important to you...How will we see you afterwards?
No one is more tired of the bullshit than you, we want to see you happy, at any cost!
I know i am here because i belong here, i care for you and everyone else on here and i for one would not judge you or throw anything in your face.
But you have to face it, some will, some are going to come after you and you can go on lying, smiling and kissing ass or you can do something about it.
Maybe its time to cut line or fish!
What ever it is, we can handle it, trust me!
You see people as so small, but in your head we are huge, and the image you must portray to us is obviously not the real you, just the life you are told to reveal, i do now know what contract you signed.
But if it said...""hide who you are"",
You obviously need to rip it into pieces and throw it at the world.
OK I have said enough....I'm just a little pissed with you for not trusting us enough.
I may come back later with a little sunshine.
But before i go!
I will tell you how it feels not to hide, its freedom, pure freedom of being who you really are, free of others illusions of who you should be, free of fearing the dark places, and living in the light.
Luv ya
pj
Everyone else!
Sorry i took up so much space, and love and hugs to you!
Catch you later!
Mornin' guys.
Bad night last night for a lot of you, I'm sorry for that. It's good to read you all this morning.
Those of you who sent me an email, I got them. I can't answer them this morning because I'm going out with my cousin for a while, to de-stress and have fun. ^_^ But I will answer your emails as soon as I get back and get a chance to.
Kass, you have to know I agree with everything you said. There's a difference between "changing one's mind" and "changing one's values for the worse when it's convenient." That's an important distinction that's difficult to miss if you're dead center of the situation, or if you are the situation. Is that presumptuous of me? Well, what isn't?
PP, your post at 7:22 is very meaningful and thoughtful. Just thought you should know.
Cupcake: It's okay to be frightened, to be weak, and to mourn. But it's not okay to stop taking care of yourself. You can tell us anything. But eat something and go easy on the Xanax. And for godsakes stop cutting on yourself. Do you need a professional to tell you that that doesn't help? If you need a professional to tell you that instead of just us, then find one to tell it to you. Don't let that go on. Okay, and I just read your post about your friend, that he is going ot be okay. That is great news. But Cupcake: you still need to address your own problems. "Healing power of love" and all that stuff, sure. But fix yourself, okay? It may feel fine now, but when the next crisis comes around and the "healing power of love" doesn't work, where will that leave you? So address your own problems, okay?
Mustard: It's okay to not know what to say. You can't be expected to be "on" all the time. ^_^
S&V20, good to read your words as always.
Now guys, please bear with me if possible, while I do something presumptuous (well, what else is new?) and very forward. I apologize in advance.
Wow PJ,
That was a long one!
Kass xx
And hello to Kapunua too...
It was a long one, sorry!
Don't know what came over me, i never write that much!
Mayo is makeing me crazy...er
I'm just....
I'm bipolar, with an anxiety disorder of the severest kind, but I hate all medications.
I've been on so many, I cant recall the names.
I feel like I have nothing to offer.
I can be sweet or sexy or funny or anything fuck it!......
For a while, then the crazy comes through and all i have is my loyalty.
Which no one will want.
Not when they see the truth.
pj,
awesome to hear from you this morning.
Thanks for that!
I love ya babe!
Mayo and SS, I'm not bolding this because I think it's more important than anything else, because in all likelihood it is not. But there's a small chance that it might mean something to either of you anyway. So, yeah.
I hope you've read the insightful and thoughtful things that everyone here has said to you. And I hope that even if they don't fit your situation (because we don't know exactly what it is,) you've still gotten something helpful out of it. Maybe that's a long shot, but maybe not.
There is still something I think you guys both should know. You both asked a question early on and I have the answer. It seemed important back then; it might still be. I know you both have a LOT on your plates right now and maybe you've even forgotten the question. But maybe not?
It's not an esoteric or philosophical question: it's cut and dry. You guys both wanted to know something, and I know the answer. It's very straightforward and I think it could solve at least one of your (perhaps smaller now and more insignificant) problems.
It has nothing to do with the people on this blog, but should you find it okay for me to tell everyone here, I can also do that. But you guys asked the question, so you get dibs on the answer.
I'm not trying to open a line of communication with either of you. I don't need to be BFFs or even internet friends or whatever. Your posts here are enough to keep me engaged and I enjoy most of them. I like what we all have. You can make a free email account, email me once, get the answer to your question and then delete the account; you need never hear from me again. I just get the feeling that you might still need the answer to this question.
So here I am, being bold again: Kapunua@yahoo.com. One of you, please email me. I think you guys need to know the truth about something.
I'm sorry to be so mysterious. I haven't told a single other soul (except my Mom. ^_^ ) And if either Mayo or SS ever says that this is okay, I will pretty much tell everyone who wants to know, okay? Even though it doesn't really pertain to this blog, but still. I know this is a crazy sounding message and probably intriguing to some of you. I'm sorry I can't just blurt it out. I need either of these guys' permission first: it is their question and their answer first and foremost.
Okay, I have to run. There's my offer. I hope one of you takes it at some point.
Mahalo nui for hearing me out, and for making this blog in the first place. Aloha nui kakou e ku'u hoapili.
Kass79 said...
Wow PJ,
That was a long one!
That's what she said.
Hey Sdock, you know what? I miss work. O_O
Ahhh Kap....
*hugs*
Whatever you have to do.
Dear Mayo,
I thought you missed your ghost.
What prompted this sudden reversal? Has your Ghost been failing at staying ghostly?
One must revel in ugliness as one does temples of laughter and light.
How one interprets and uses the nastiness, though, is what really separates humans.
These humans are waiting, ma petit soeur.
Boom.
if mayo is who people think he is, i feel that the "i repeat myself so much" paragraph in his post could be about everyone here. all of gerard's interviews of late have been critiqued and compared to things he has said in the past. if you read that part of his post it could be what he is talking about. btw a fan a meet n greet in singapore said that gerard was in a bad mood and seemed to have something else on his mind.
Kapunua, got to love ya, and on the crazy race......YOU WIN!!!
Sdock i guess we take second and third...lol
Anon said...
btw a fan a meet n greet in singapore said that gerard was in a bad mood and seemed to have something else on his mind.
Yeah, he got disqualified from 'Sexiest Female'. I'd be p*ssed...
Kass xx
Hi everyone!
Cupcake, that is such wonderful news about your friend. I'm still worried about you. Take care of yourself okay. We can be here for you for as long as you need, but you have to promise to yourself to address the issues that we cannot help you with. I was faced with the re-occurance of severe depression over two-years ago. I was doing good for so long. I was scared to admit to myself that I might need help again. Needless to say, I called my doctor right away. I know how it is to hate medications. Maybe you can address one issue at a time. Or look into holistic approaches.
Regardless of what you choose, you owe it to yourself and to your loved ones to seek help.
I hope that made sense. I'm really out of it this morning. I just want you to be okay is all. *Hugs*
Anon said...
"if mayo is who people think he is, i feel that the "i repeat myself so much" paragraph in his post could be about everyone here. all of gerard's interviews of late have been critiqued and compared to things he has said in the past."
And from Mayo:
"And you will use it against me.
Tuck it away for a later date,
only to make me eat shit...
Spooky!
Trouble is Mayo's worried about merely 'changing his mind', whilst Gerard's "changing one's values for the worse when it's convenient." - quoted from Kap @ 10.12am
Kass xx
Thanks anima, you're so lovely.
Mayo, I'm at a loss for words. I really want to say all the right things, and even if I knew the right things to say, I have a feeling it wouldn't be enough.
My thoughts are with you. Always.
.
.
.
SS, I miss you. I hope you can visit soon to let us know how you are doing. We worry about you so much. Take care my friend.
Your welcome Cupcake. Sends you another *hug*.
And Hi Kass, PJ, Gentle V, Kapunua, and Sdock!
I will be on and off today. Lots of stuff to do at work.
Love to all of you.
*hugs for everyone, coz ya give me suggah*
Morning Cupcake
Glad to see you!!
Bye Anima & Hi to Elena,
I was momentarily distracted by BN & you know, work.
Kass xx
elena hun, how are you?
kapunua, you will do anything to get attention, won't you?
Anon,
If there were no attention whores, there would be no entertainers.
Silly anons, I love all of you.
I don't know why I'm posting here again. Compulsions, brain chemicals, loopy velvet drawstrings hugging my cerebellum too tight, I don't know.
But, I thought of two fun games, participation optional.
One, list all of the good qualities about a person who supremely irritates you, someone you violently loathe, etc.
Two, imagine who Mayo really is. Like a character piece.
Anon, Kap has been good to me, so good to me in my hour of need, so diss her and i will feel the need to rip you limb from limb.
I've had no sleep for 24 hours, don't fuck with me.
Or Kapunua.
I'm good Cupcake and you?
Hey Kass
Anon - go away (that was as nice as I'm gonna be today. Next time not so much)
One, list all of the good qualities about a person who supremely irritates you, someone you violently loathe, etc.
Two, imagine who Mayo really is. Like a character piece.
1. Mayo - he hasn't shut up shop yet, he's pretty punctual with reposting & he's capable of a touching gesture - but he still supremely irritates me! I wouldn't say violently loathe, though...
2. Gerard Way. Ha!
Cupcake!!!!!
How excellent about your friend! I'm so happy for you, honey!
Once again, the miracle of prayer. :)
Elena, did you find out anything? I didn't see an email from you this morning. Let me know.
Anon, we just don't have the strength for your nonsense today. If Kapunua wants to talk to Mayo and SS, offer her help, wow, y'know, WE'RE ALL DOING THAT. L and I offered our email address to them MONTHS ago.
We still offer it.
As a matter of fact, we offer it to everyone who wants to talk to us.
Hello everyone else! Maybe today will be easier to slide through, hmm? I sincerely hope so, we all need a break.
J
cupcake, I fear your e-beatdown! your friend is a pathetic attention whore.
Notice me! Notice me! E-mail me! AIM! ANYTHING! JUST NOTICE ME!
Anonymous,
I didn't realize it before, but you are so right.
That was the most erudite and comprehensive essay on the subconscious undertones lying behind the way women communicate to one another that I have ever read.
Thank you.
If you have any more insight on to how to talk to women, please let me know. I am always at a loss in their presence.
Sorry GV,
I'm no good at this^^, and I couldn't think of anyone I really hate - I'm a bit worried about getting into 'you never saw Hitler in an unironed shirt' territory!
Kass xx
J I'm still working through things. Got lots of strange ideas.
Notice me! Notice me! E-mail me! AIM! ANYTHING! JUST NOTICE ME!
OK Anon, I notice you. Now say something interesting...
Kass xx
Elena,
Strange ideas are my forte. You know what's scary, though?
Lately most of my strange ideas have been correct.
J
Or did you mean to put that in inverted commas?
Love,
The Punctuation Police
anon who's trying to get attention now? Could it be you? Fuck yeah.
The 'you never saw Hitler in an unironed shirt' is truly one of the cleverest quotes I have seen in a very long time.
Yay! I'm now happy.
Kass,
Why is it all the anons who show up to poke us with sticks have no grasp of the rules of English grammar?
Boy, that was long-winded. Sorry.
Why can't the snarky anons learn to write?
J
J - I'll try to get my ideas in one place and e-mail you when I do.
The Anonymous doesn't consider me worthy to lay their golden wisdom upon my head.
Sigh.
Well, I suppose I'll ask those posting and those lurking.
Seriously, though. I have zero close female friends. I have no idea what to say to women. Any thoughts or insight?
I really mean it.
That's cool, Elena. You can scatter them all over the rug if you need to, though. The cats will love to play with them.
I have a feeling we'll be discussing it for a while, anyway. Yais?
Ooh, we'd better have snacks then.
J
Hello OPJ!
My normal level of anal retention wouldn't let it pass.
And makes me cringe when I post with a spelling mistake. Even bl**dy BN lets you edit that which haunts you!!
Kass xx
Crap.... I need to sleep....
I love you all!
Even the anon I just threatened! *kisses*
Oh how i need my meds.
Love to you all, xx cupcake.
GV - Are we talking on a romantic point of view, or just a basic conversation point of view?
Sorry, I just woke up.
-Amyranth
Would everyone, including Mayo and myself, please grow the fuck up? EVERYONE has problems and many are FAR WORSE than your own. Remember that as you stand tall and move on.
P.S. It is now, and always will be, of utter importance to practice what you preach! Changing your mind about things is perfectly acceptable but changing the entire contents of your soul is not possible.
I can't even consider romantically because I can't even start up a conversation to get to that point.
Ever since I was little, if there's a group of females and a group of males, I will run to hang out with the males because I feel... safer isn't the right word.
My entire life I'll try and start conversations with women and I'll just not know what to say or what to talk about or I get all nervous as if I'm a 14 year old boy. I can't believe I'm admitting this on this blog, ah well.
Anonymous said...
Would everyone, including Mayo and myself, please grow the fuck up? EVERYONE has problems and many are FAR WORSE than your own. Remember that as you stand tall and move on.
P.S. It is now, and always will be, of utter importance to practice what you preach! Changing your mind about things is perfectly acceptable but changing the entire contents of your soul is not possible.
'Scuse me?
Okay, I just woke up, but that's a pretty shitty attitude to have first thing in the morning.
We need to grow up? God, if you don't like it, leave! We've had some people in here go through some very traumatic experiences lately, so I apologize if we seem "less than mature" or even "whiny" lately.
You try mourning with a smile on your face and no mention of the pain inside.
-Amyranth
Gentle Vengeance said:
I have no idea what to say to women. Any thoughts or insight?
I really mean it.
Just avoid cellulite, diets, fashion and anything that lands you squarely in the "does my bum look big in this?" trap.
I talk mainly cr*p so I'm not particularly good at this kind of advice!
Kass xx
GV,
It's not a matter of "talking to women", it's a matter of "talking to people you have things in common with, and like."
I have, outside the blogs, 3 close female friends. Period. And they all "get" me. And that's what I look for in anybody, male or female.
You guys are the largest group of female friends I've ever had. And YOU all "get" me, well, most of me anyway. ;)
Did that help any, Vengeance?
J
changing the entire contents of your soul is not possible.
Are you sure about that?
Anonymous,
Once again, I sincerely appreciate your insight into the inner workings and the fragile condition of the human soul.
However, if I may offer to add this hypothetical.
Any problems anyone has personally is the worst to them because it is singularly their own pain to bear. One cannot judge how unimportant or shallow the trials anyone else goes through is.
Practice what you preach...
Yeah that would be nice if only we could do that. How many people really can? We try, but let's be honest it's fucking hard.
Changing the contents of your soul?
Can't be done. You can ignore what's in there but you can't change it.
Well GV, you're on a blog full of women, and you seem to be doing well.
I myself have a very close, very select group of female friends, mostly because I've been burned in the part, and I HAVE noticed that a large group of women are nothing but brainless, vapid, make-up chasers.
I'm the girl you'll find at Warped Tour, instead of Sephora (that place is horrifying). And yes, I do find myself more comfortable around males than females for the most part.
Best thing you can do is change the girls you surround yourself with. Once you start talking to other women that have similar interests, it gets better from there.
-A
Thank you, Kass79 and J!
Kass - I love girls who ass the butt question.
Really, who frigging cares? It's an ASS.
-A
Anonymous said...
Would everyone, including Mayo and myself, please grow the fuck up? EVERYONE has problems and many are FAR WORSE than your own. Remember that as you stand tall and move on.
P.S. It is now, and always will be, of utter importance to practice what you preach! Changing your mind about things is perfectly acceptable but changing the entire contents of your soul is not possible.
You sure you did'nt mean to post this on INO?
Part of 'growing up' is having to hide your true feelings in public. Here we can be honest and deal with those feelings, and if that seems whiny or selfish or attention seeking then tough.
If venting your spleen or spilling your emotional guts here makes us better grown-ups in the 'Real World' how is that a bad thing?
Kass xx
Thank you, Amyranth! Women I genuinely feel comfortable with will appear when the universe wants them to, I suppose.
Anonymous said...
Would everyone, including Mayo and myself, please grow the fuck up? EVERYONE has problems and many are FAR WORSE than your own. Remember that as you stand tall and move on.
P.S. It is now, and always will be, of utter importance to practice what you preach! Changing your mind about things is perfectly acceptable but changing the entire contents of your soul is not possible.
Anon, I admit I'm a little confused about the "including Mayo and myself" line.
Problems, whether large or small, can seem much bigger when they're your own. Mayo's problem is weighing heavily on his mind, looks like, and right now that's his focus.
Yeah, we've all got issues, and some of them are bigger than Mayo's. But to him, his issue is important enough to rant about it. And as a family, we support each other's rants, mood swings, whatever.
J
Cupcake I was so happy to read that your friend will be ok. Please take care of yourself.
Amyranth said...
Kass - I love girls who ass the butt question.
Really, who frigging cares? It's an ASS.
-A
Trouble is, if they rephrase as "does this make me look fat?", the overwhelming temptation is to reply, "No. Your fat makes you look fat".
Kass xx
On this topic of women:
Most of the women I've come across over the years have been such vapid, shallow, mindless creatures that I cannot bear to speak to them.
That does NOT apply to the women here. Not one of you.
I have no interest in talking about clothes, shoes, accessories, hair, makeup, shopping, or how shitty my husband/boyfriend is to me, yet I stay with him anyway. I want to talk about interesting things. Well, interesting to me anyway.
Never could pull off that fake "OH I LOVE YOUR NEW PURSE WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?" shit.
It's a FUCKING PURSE. If I didn't have to carry around insulin pump supplies and a wallet, I wouldn't have one. They drive me insane.
See, GV, you're not alone.
J
Kass - I'm kind brutal, and I don't put up with questions like that, so my answer would be..
"Yes. Now let's go."
-A
OPJ - The one I love is "I wear makeup to cover my zits."
....
Wat?
-L
Mayo,
A gift for your faecal fixation:
Gold Nuggets
Y'know, like their ass didn't look fat otherwise.
If you have to ask, the answer is always YES. But you've been walking around for X amount of time with that gi-normous fat keister, so why suddenly are you worried?
Be proud of it! Emphasize it! Flaunt it!
I've met lots of men who love the curvy women, thank you. None of them ever complained about my ass.
Hah.
MY ASS!
J
Speaking of "my ass" and "fat", I'm starving.
Be back later, kids. Like tonight later. It's raining here, and every one of my joints hurts like a motherfucking sonofabitch.
Nice talk for a Girl, eh?
Have a great day, all! Love to you!
J
I've never heard a complaint about mine either.
Not huge, but really girls.
Baby got Back? Nobody likes that song anymore?
-A
OPJ,
Generally I try to stay away from shallow and vapid, and lead a purposeful, self-assured life. My one 'issue' with appearance is that I'm so huge (6'1").
On a normal day I love my height and stand up tall - I'm a skintight lycra in the gym girl, but if I'm dragged out to a nightclub by friends I convince myself if I put my heels, dress and make-up on I'm going to be mistaken for a drag queen! I tend to spend the evening curled up in a corner with an OJ and my discomfort...
Kass xx
And Goodbye OPJ,
My own bum isn't an issue for me, it's when people grill me about theirs. Grrrrrr!!
Kass xx
ooh kass you are very tall!!
i've also always been more comfortable in male company. weird isn't it how similar some people are. i'm just not a particularly girly girl.
Hi FASC,
I guess my group is half male, half female; also half gay, half straight - and only one was actually 'out' when we met. It's a bit discombobulating at first to see someone you know struggle with their identity and travel the sexuality spectrum from one end to the other, but I'm used to it now!
Kass xx
Kass - The first boy I ever kissed is gay.
A shame too. He's hot like a habanero under a Jamaican sun.
-A
Alright, I'm going out to the garage to excavate the rest of the Christmas Decorations.
I'll be checking in every few minutes, so Anons With Ill-Intentions better heed my warning. And thus, verily, ergo, heretofore and notwithstanding.
Yeah. Be back.
-Amyranth
Sorry to crash the party, but I didn't go to sleep. I got a message from my friend.
I was right, it wasn't an accident.
he still wants to die.
He's on the other side of the world, i cant contact his cousin, and he's saying he wants to die..... so...
Help, help me please I dont know what to do!
He's hot like a habanero under a Jamaican sun.
I like!
My brother says "Hot like a jalepeno on the Devil's nachos".
But essentially hot...
My most beautiful male friend is gay. He says I can have his sperm for £20,000. If I find myself pushing 40 and childless I may take him up on it!
Adios for today,
Kass xx
Cupcake, can you get ahold of any other family member?
Anyone? Please?
Is he still in the hospital?
Yes, but he's alone, and i dont know which one.
I'm in Australia, he's in America right now.
cupcake who can you get a hold of?
Where in America cupcake?
No one, I have no contact details!
Cupcake you have to talk him into telling the hospital staff about this. Or you need to have him tell you how to get a hold of his family or what hospital his is in.
Okay Mayo, I'll drop the formalities tonight because you don't seem to be in the mood.
This worked for Mustard , let's see if it works for you.
* hands Mayo some crockery, stands well back *
Smash away my friend, get it out of your system.
Was the post about your friend?
* hands friend some crockery aswell *
Go for it my poppet, get that frustration out.
Or was the post about us ?
* goes to get more crockery, pauses *
Nah, you know what, you carry on.
Oh, by the way, I was just curious about this :
You try it and see how well rehearsed you can be.
The only time I've ever had to rehearse conversation is if I'm going to tell a lie, maybe that's just me * shrugs *
Cupcake - so glad to hear your friend is on the road to recovery.
GV - why did you call Mayo your little sister?
Hello everone else :)
Cupcake - apologies, talk about an ill timed comment. Sorry :\
cupcake the friend who told you..where did they get their info? From who?
Cupcake, are you still with us?
I've lost him. He just said I have to go now....
I did all I could.
I stayed up all night... it's fucking dawn.
I tried. How does a depressed person talk a suicidal person into living?
But I trried.
Cupcake - do you know the hospital he is at?
No i don't. i don't know anything of any use, and I'm the one he chose to talk to.
Okay Cupcake, here's what we need from you. A Name, a city and a state.
And a hospital. We need to know what you know so we can help you.
-Amyranth
I know this sounds very sci-fi and out of the question, but is there anyway you could give his number to the police, explain the circumstances and how concerned you are for him, and see if they could trace it somehow, if that is even possible ?
Gnothi - That is absolutely 100% the best thing to do. Call the local police and let them know. They probably have the incident on file and they can work from there.
Cupcake, any information is better than nothing, give me what you've got.
-A
Cupcake I want to help but I don't know how.
Do you know where you friend lives what town what city or a state. How about the area code they are calling from.
I don't have anything. We had the strangest friendship, it started and stayed mostly online.
Maybe his cousin will talk to him. There are nurses there, they'll check on him, right?
Even if we can get a first and a last name we can check him out on facebook, sometimes it's easy to go from there.
-A
If you have a way to talk to his cousin, you've got to let them know to tell his parents, or talk to the nurses. Otherwise, he'll never get better.
-Amyranth
Cupcake if you meant him on a site like facebook send a letter to the people who run it tell them what has happened. Give them all the info you have and they should be able to find him.
There are nurses there, they'll check on him, right?
But they will be treating his injuries, if they don't know the circumstances behind the accident they won't necesssarily be looking for a possible repeat.
They need to be aware so that people can step into help him. If his cousin is there he needs to let the medical staff know his state of mind.
He kept his identity close.
He always thought no one would care to know his real name anyway.
So we talked about everything, using silly online nicknames.
No one knew him, no one cared to look him up.
I talked to him. Told him all I could.
That's all I could do.
Whatever happens now, is out of my control.
That's the worst part.
It was a crappy, run down music site.
His cousin will notice, he will. He knows I'm sure.
He has to.
He has to.
You can't work on presumption.
Do you think your friend wants to be stopped? And/or helped ?
Well I'm going to hope that he has nurses that have been doing this job for a long time. I think if he does they will see that there is something more than just the physical trauma wrong. I mean they have to work with a lot of people so I think this wouldn't be the first time they have to deal with someone in his state. Also the fact that he is in a hospital means that he will have monitors on him and that might stop him for a while.
I don't know anything!
I cant do anything, you think i haven't tried!?
I have no idea what's going through his head.
Now if you'll all excuse me a moment, i need to throw up.
Martha - you're probably right. Always the voice of reason.
Cupcake come back. No one was saying you hadn't tried your best we were just trying to come up with options.
Hello GS and thank you for thank you. Me a voice of reason. I find that hard to believe. But thank you.
I'm sorry Cupcake, I didn't mean to upset you, I was trying to work out if he was in the frame of mind to talk to someone himself.
Martha - you've much more common sense than I do most of the time :)
Thank you Gs I don't know what to say.
You don't need to say anything Martha :)
How are you by the way ?
I'm doing alright how about you GS how are you?
What's happening here?
I'm fine thanks Martha.
Hi Siobhan, err , Cupcake is in a bad place at the moment. Her friend has been in a severe accident, touch and go for a while, but has pulled through. It wasn't an accident though, apparently, and she is distraught because she wants to help him but doesn't know who she can contact to get help.
Siobhan hello, cupcake has a friend who was hurt and she can't help him. It is very upsetting for her and we are trying to help her find a way to help him.
I finished throwing up. Amazing that i could at all. only thing in my stomach was coffee, xanax and acid.
I had a shower.
The sun has risen in Australia... it looks so beautiful.
I'd forgotten what the dawn looked like.
I'd also forgotten what it's like to vomit till you can't breath.
Well I'm glad to see you cupcake.
So far,,I know from your previous posts you got to know your friend online!
Do you know his/her real name?
I'm glad to see you MJ.
I'm sorry i left so abruptly, but I didn't want to hurl on the key board.
Hi Cupcake, feel a bit better now?
Yes, I know his name. Only the first one.
Cupcake what we do to help you?
The nausea has gone. I feel oddly calm... ok, not calm. Numb.
shell shocked.
I was shaking so hard before I could barely type.
I understand cupcake. I'm just glad you came back to us. We are here when you need us.
Hug
Please, don't get this the wrong way, but do you really know that he is telling the truth?
There are sick people on the internet who like to play sick jokes on other people.
elena.... that's a tough question.
But all I need is support right now... that's all you can give.
Cupcake - here if you need us.
Well siobhan, I don't have pictures.
All I have is his cousins word, and weeks of messages, building up until the last one.
He'd sounded so depressed, but he just said "I'm fine hun, how are you? take care of yourself, ok?"
Maybe it's a sick joke. I fucking hope so, I wish for it.
Despite how much it's fucked me up.
That's better than the alternative.
I'm going to have to go for a bit, might catch you all later.
Cupcake - hugs.
TTFN
Cupcake, did you already inform the people from the website on which you both meet to talk to each other?
Someone suggested it here before.
I've emailed the website.
Cupcake just keep talking to us if it helps. I'm listening.
See you later GS and cupcake let us know what the website says.
I keep thinking of the giant fucking xmas turkey I bought the other day.
And the xmas cakes my mother has made, just like every year.
I don't feel so jolly.
I just feel sick again.
Cupcake, does he know that you suffer from depression, as well?
Yes, he knows.
Don't you feel a bit angry, that he puts so much pressure on you?
a nice afternoon/evening *hugs* how is evryone today?
Of course, I was fucking furious, and distraught....
I get a lot of shit out on me every day.
I get mad, then I get numb.
I'm not mad now.... I don't feel a thing....
But panic.
Because I have a spare moment, my mind decided to give me a panic attack.
It's true what they say.
The more xanax you take, the less it works.
I'll always understand if you're ever mad at me.
I barged in with my problems, made them yours.
But I don't do it often, do I?
Hello pixie, i believe I feel like shit.
How are you doll?
oh that sounds not good cupcake *hugs*
work was shitty today, but I survived ;)
What do you do for a living pixie?
I work in a kindergarten... we had full house today it was chaotic and well to much to do and not enough time...
Don't feel bad about telling your problems here, cupcake!!!
It wasn't at all my intention to make you feel bad about it!!!
I just think that if I wanted to commit suicide I would not announce that to another depressed person. I would still have that much empathy left to not make another person desperate, which has a hard time dealing with their own shit!
Therefore, I have the feeling that this could be fake!
And even if it's not I, myself, am angry that he makes you so miserable, although you are fragile yourself. It's not fair!
Sorry, if that sounds stupid!
You work with children... wow, I salute you!
Hallo Pixie!
Was geht? What's up?
thanks cupcake, they´re sweet most of the times...
hi siobhan, alles im grünen bereich in good old germany? I´m ok. how´s the weather? my mom said something about 13°c some days ago.... it´s finally getting a lil bit colder here....
Siobhan, it's not stupid, and i understand what you mean.
The last message I got before the accident was all roses.
He told me he was fine, that he wanted to know how I was.
That freaked me out, he'd shut down.
As for the last time we 'spoke' it was drug induced slur.
I doubt he'd even remember it.
But I will be careful, I realize there are fakers out there, and like I said.
I kind of hope he is one.
I'd rather that than the possibility that he'll take his life.
Anger lurks somewhere beneath my surface still.
That I had to talk him down.
I'm not even 21, and I had to do that, for someone whose face I've never touched.
Right now, i have no idea what is going on.
I don't even want to think either way.
All I know is nothing feels familiar.
Nothing feels comforting.
it's 8am here and I cant go to sleep now, I'll have to wait till tonight.
My anemic Mother goes for her first injection today. At least I'm awake so i can go with her for once.
Usually I'm asleep till midday.
Well, it's not really cold, rather 'ungemütlich'! Rainy, cloudy, windy!
You work with children? I would not have the nerve to work with them! Respect, sister!!!
That pisses me off big time, cupcake! You have your own shit to deal with and then this!
Oh my, I feel so sorry!!!
I just hope you´ll feel better soon, I know that are stupid words cupcake, but it´s the truth *hugs* sometimes you have to be egoistic and thing about yourself first and not how to help other people... and when you´re ok, then you can help others...
huh well my english sucks more like usual today... ^^
well I bet it´ll be the same weather when I´m flying home siobhan....
What time ist it in Finland?
Siobhan, Pixie, thank you.
Your words help, they really do. They aren't stupid, they affect me, and in a positive way.
Siobhan... this has been my life.
Dealing with other peoples shit.
My choice, I have no one to blame but me.
sorry to disappear like that family shit i had to take care of.
hello pixie
Siobhan thank you for staying with cupcake.
cupcake hope you are a little better now.
you´re welcome sweetie *hugs*
it´s 11.17pm here siobhan! one hour before you ;)
Gaaaah, and I thought that I was the 'night owl' here, haha!
Martha, it goes without saying!
We're family, right?
Rather wonderfully, Ray is officially the sexiest MCRer polling fourth (Ville Valo was top) and Frankles is fifth.
*frisking and frolicking beginning now !*
I knew he had it in him, I just knew sooner or later the world would come to see the awesomeness!!
cupckae so glad your friend is ok but now this!
I know someone, well 2 people aho did the same, one didn't survive and one did, the one who did was treated for some time and he never did anything like it again.
Doctors and nurses are trained to look for signs and if the police were involved they would likely be able to see it wasn't an accident and they would tell the hospital (which is what happened with mine)
Please don't give up hope, I'm sure telling you is a good thing, it is true that most guys don't tell people what they want to do .
They want you to be Jesus
They'll go down on one knee
But they'll want their money back
If you're alive at thirty-three
And you're turning tricks
With your crucifix
You're a star
"Gaaaah, and I thought that I was the 'night owl' here, haha!"
you were wrong sweetie ;)
a wonderful morning to you ergo, how are you?
hi redrum, how are you?
Have I said I love you guys?
Who cares if i have, I'll say it again.
I love you. You're family to me now.
MJ, hun, I feel.... used and abused.... that's what no sleep will do for you, but outside my window it's a beautiful day.
Ray is sexiest? Please! He could be a nice person, but sexy?
Cupcake maybe you should try to get some sleep. Rest is good for the mind and the soul.
Hello ep
good thanks pixie! How are you?
fantastic news about sexy Ray. I am smiling for him right now - hehe
hi Redrum, how are you?
hi siobhan, MJ
anyone else!
Hello redrum
hi mj how are you? damn I haven´t seen your comment, shame on me ^^
siobhan - it's something about his manner and skills.
...seriously...
and the hair...and the way he looks in tight jeans playing on stage...
*sigh*
Pixie I'm alright.
Good afternoon.
i´m fine ergo, time to go to bed in an hour or so *lol*
I love you, too, cupcake!
Strange, I remember a talk show where they were discussing the meaning of 'family' and a little girl's definition for familiy was:
'Family is, when you can go to the fridge and get yourself something to drink without having to ask for permission.'
I think that's cute!
Hi redrum, hi ergo!
Ergo, Ray in tight jeans?
No, please!
I don't know, but he's kind of asexual to me! I can't explain why.
Hello everyone, how are you all?
How are you bearing up cupcake? What is the latest sweetie?
I hope this makes people smile
Just when I need words the most, I can't seem to find any. Typical.
I feel the anger and pain in your words. This has gotten really bad, hasn't it? We don't need to know who this person is. We don't need to know what it is you two are disputing over. We hear you, and you hear us. We are here. If there's anything we can do to help, we're always here.
I know this is difficult time for you both but please, just try to hear each other out. No one's pointing fingers. No one's choosing sides, but you both need to be willing to listen and talk.
Mayo, rant all you want, love. That's what you do in a blog, right? Get it all out there. It helps. Don't bottle your emotions.
Shitsubou Shita,
Darling, I have no clue where you went off to, but I hope all is well. We send you our love. We know you are here and listening. Thank you.
Siobhan so what do you have in your fridge I'm feeling a little thirsty
Hello to all that are here. How are you guys?
And once again, I have missed all the action.
Can't sleep now MJ, if i sleep during the day, i always feel sick and disoriented.
It's 8:30am here, I'll just have to wait.
Pixie, dein Kommentar über des Gastgebers neuen Post?
Sucht da jemand Aufmerksamkeit, oder bin ich einfach nur böse mit einem schwarzen Herzen?
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