You want this straight?
Then you have to be willing to hear me out, and that means all of it. You can not pick and choose the verse; the ugly shit has got to ring in your head too. The things that I say that cling to your clothes like mildew, the stench entrenched, leaving you filthy.
What is the matter? You can’t wash it off? Well, neither can I.
I repeat myself so much these days that the truth is often lost in the mix. Say it, say it again, and again. You try it and see how well rehearsed you can be. Sometimes I change my mind, and you use it against me. You will tuck it away, and bring it out for a later date, only to make me eat shit and lie.
And you will use it against me.
Tuck it away for a later date,
only to make me eat shit...
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«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 400 of 2633 Newer› Newest»Anonymous said...
Look you all think you have this "little world' ( is that right Kapunua)if not so be it..I'm sorry I'm not "perfect" like you !
Yeah well, you should be.
and i don't think he's saying he's going to shut down the blog, or anything like that, but we're always asking him to be honest with us, to really talk to us -- what if this is just something he needed to say? isn't he allowed to blow off some steam?
i'm not offended by this post, i'm just not happy that he feels this way, that anyone could cause him to be this frustrated. i wish i could reassure him.
more two cents, i guess.
CUPPY
PAY ATTENTION
You cannot torture yourself over this! YOU CAN'T.
YOU CANNOT DO ANYTHING.
YOU HAVE TO CALM YOURSELF DOWN.
YOU HAVE TO.
BREATHE KIDDO. JUST BREATHE!
that part stands out to me, too, martha.
i think you and i are reading this post the same way, huh?
Toujours I don't think it was directed at us. Look at yesterdays post. Setting aside my own to honor yours. He set aside his own problems for us.
Today was his shit and what he's dealing with. He wanted to post it yesterday but didn't basically for Kapunua.
I think he was warning us that his own war had escalated.
Anonymous said...
Look you all think you have this "little world' ( is that right Kapunua)if not so be it..I'm sorry I'm not "perfect" like you ! whatever.What is your all's deal with anons? I see like 2-4 how come you talk to them ? Also whtas so wrong with BUZZNET (reppin' it) ? get a life you guyz !!!!!!
Hi.
For once, I'm not in the mood to fight right this second.
We've got more than a few people who are going through some pretty shitty times right now.
You have a choice.
Fuck off, or, fuck off.
I suggest you choose wisely.
-Amyranth is not fucking having it tonight.
Oh, Cupcake, I can't tell you how sorry I am to hear this.
OP, I wasn't aware my deleted comment was a capital letter yelling. Ha ha. It was messed up when I read it ^_^
He's as good as dead.
I have never had a miracle in my life. Why cant this be it?
I know Kapu.
I'm just one of those people that thinks it (the bad stuff) always has to have something to do with me. A fall back from junior high, where people would find fault with the shoes I was wearing that day, and take it personally.
I don't know. Funny day I guess.
-A
I agree, Elena. This Mayo of ours is sweet to us lately.
Hang in there cupcake. Don't lose hope yet. Don't give up! Stay strong
Cupcake-
If you don't give up on him ,that will be your miracle.
He can't fight if you don't believe in him.
You have got to fight for him.
You have to.
We all have our lot in life. Live it, and learn from it. I know you can do it.
-A
Cupcake, I'm so terribly sorry.
cupcake I wish with all my heart I could say something to take away your pain. There are no words and for that I am sorry.
Anon you want @ 12:32 you want to know what is wrong with Bn
When I first went there all I found was the older people ripping on the younger people. Than it turned into people getting mad at you if you didn't like Eliza.
Than you some people who if that didn't like what you had to say to would come in and bully you.
Lets see what else I saw the administrators play favorites. I saw to people get into an argument. One of them goated the other person on to get them upset. But the only person to get punished was the one who was who had a different opinion than everyone else. She got kicked off.
They delete threads that were going just fine until one person or her friends show up and start shit.
I could go on but I will stop.
Night Anima, sleep well.
TJ: I'm rereading the post right now, and all I can think is that Mayo is talking to--no, scratch that--yelling at his friend. Take the title, "Ghost-imposed gag order," and relate it to "You can not pick and choose the verse, the ugly shit has got to ring in your head too." It reads to me like, "You tell me you want the truth, but you're restricting me in what I can say. You have to hear it ALL. No matter how ugly it gets."
What do you think?
J
Cupcake, you don't have to "stay strong" if you can't. I'm not going to serve up platitudes and meaningless crap like that to you. The situation you're in sucks. I get that. There's no way around it, and I'm just sorry.
I'm trying to stay strong, really I am.
I've been staying strong for a long time now. One thing after another.
It never ends.... that's life I suppose.
i know j. not very nice but wat can you do. everyone is entitled to their own opinion. just be nicer about it
Another thing look at today's title. "Ghost-imposed gag order." This was directed at the ghost, not us.
Cupcake so sorry to hear you are having a hard time right now. They must be going around this time of year. Why is it bad things always seem to happen around the holidays?
It was so nice to chat with you all tonight. It's extremely hard for me to keep up here because of the sheer quantity of posts. I hope to post more in the future. Thank you for the welcomes, have a goodnight all.
Cupcake, there's nothing else I can say except my heart is with you. I'm sorry.
Thank you elena, thank you everyone, knowing you're there helps as much as anything could.
And thank you Kap. The pressure to stay strong is what crushes me.
I think he was warning us that his own war had escalated.
and that's very possible, too, elena. i just wanted to put another interpretation of the post out there.
Oh Mayo,
You say the two of you are bound in this together.
It seems like the blame game is going on here.
Your Ghost is saying otherwise. He says he's done banging his head against the wall, and doesn't wish you ill-will but just wants you to get back to reality.
That sounds to me like a friend who has tried over a long amount of time to reach you. Even the best of friends will reach the end of their tolerance if their efforts are constantly rejected. Maybe he has thrown something back at you sometimes, but that would be from frustration.
It takes no effort to listen.
Listen.
Digest.
Then talk.
It seems it is up to you.
It's ok BC *hugs*
Thanks VG, take care.
cupcake we're here with you now and we'll be here with you tomorrow. You are a part of us. When you hurt we hurt. Don't let go we are holding on as tight as we can.
Cupcake, there is no pressure to stay strong. You know, it's all right to just freak out about it. None of this "chin up, have hope, don't cry, stay strong" stuff. Sometimes that just doesn't cut it. Let loose, okay? Just don't hurt yourself.
Cupcake there are no words that I can say that can help you right now. I can see the future so I can't tell you that it will all be okay. You don't have to be strong. Everyone is allowed to be weak at some point. This might be your time to just cry and say you can't handle it. Put your head down and just cry. Not just tears but really let go and have a good cry.
Cupcake,
I'm not trying to shove religion at you, but do you believe in God? Or at least a higher power who helps us when we ask for it?
Now's the time to ask, honey. Ask for your friend. Miracles DO happen, every day. What's your friend's name? If you tell me a little bit about him (man? woman?), I'll pray from my end. Ok?
J
It reads to me like, "You tell me you want the truth, but you're restricting me in what I can say. You have to hear it ALL. No matter how ugly it gets."
What do you think?
j., you make a good point. i can see it that way, and i think that is definitely at the heart of the post's message.
but what if (and this is just a "what if", mind. *grin*) the title refers to maybe his friend telling him not to say anything like this to us, and he went ahead and said what he wanted to anyway?
it's just a guess, based on nothing but my emotional reading of the entry, you understand.
Cupcake,
So sorry about your friend.
You know me, I'll be back around later in five hours time, when it is dark and quiet.
In the mean time take the hands of those offered around here.
Love PP
You are such lovely people, and I adore you so much.
I cannot express how much it means to just be noticed, when so much is going on.
pickled possom, I think the problem at this point is if Mayo is *willing* to try to listen because his own stubborness can get in the way.
Velocity Girl
come back and chat. would be nice.
take care
see you soon
fimble
xx
Goodnight VG.
I'm with Tj it could be read in both ways hey it could even be to both us here and the friend. No one said that it was directed at one or the other.
Cupcake, I've been where you are, right now.
Love to you.
J, I'm wiccan actually....
I believe in energies, I believe in the healing power of love.
I'm sending as much as I can his way.
But I also know, sometimes love is not enough.
It should be, but my existence proves it.
mj, good point.
I also believe that this other party should not be the only one to be willing to listen to everything Mayo wants to express. Mayonaise himself has to be willing to listen to everything the other party has to say as well. This is a two way street.
Possum,
I love your comment. Every single word of it.
J
Thank you star *hugs*
Where is everyone?
cupcake, i didn't know you were wiccan. :)
i'm sending you some good strong heart healing energy, as soon as i publish this comment, okay?
I must be off to bed now. Cupcake I want to see you here tomorrow so please come back.
Goodnight
goodnight and sweet dreams mj.
Squeak squeak, your comment has been posted ^_^
I'm still here, BC.
Cupcake, I've just said a prayer for your friend.
J
Thanks TJ *hugs*
***********************************
Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.
In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
'Neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
a neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.
And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.
"Fools" said I,"You do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you."
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence
And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon god they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, The words of the prophets
are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whispered in the sounds of silence.
***********************************
Take my arms that I might reach you.....
OP, I never got to say hi.
Hi OP.
J, thank you Hun, that means a lot.
I'll be back MJ, somehow.
Cupcake, I send all my hugs and love to you.
good night martha, see you tomorrow. ^.^
cupcake, i'm glad you got the energy. now here's your e-hug:
*hug*
^.^
You're very welcome, Cupcake. Prayer is a powerful thing. I've seen it work many times.
Hi BC. You've been particularly eloquent this evening. Everything going well, I assume?
J
Night, MJ, sorry I didn't say it earlier.
J
OP, yep, I'm doing okay. It's been a slow day, but other than that, I'm okay. How about yourself?
Cupcake Kid
See you in the morning.
I'd better. Or else.
-Amyranth sends buckets of love.
Thanks doll, *hugs* you've always been good to me BC.
I'll be here sometime amy... I don't sleep much, so i should be here most times.
Aww your welcome cupcake. Anytime, and I mean that. I hope we will see you in the morning.
Well, BC, I seem to have developed a dandy little headache over the past hour...wonder why? :/
At least he's talking, hunh? And pretty damn straight-forward, that's for sure.
J
Cupcake, I hope you are. Email me if you need to.
-A
OP, I hope your headache will get better. And you're right, talking is better than not talking at all and he's trying. I'll give him that.
OP - He's getting more open with us. I like it, I really do.
Mayo - This is your house too. Just because we had it gutted and re-done doesn't mean it not yours.
Should I move on to the DM Palais?
-A
So guys, check this out. I'm on chat with Love Man, yeah? And she says she knows who Mayo is, and that she has told a few of you. But she can't tell a few of the rest of us. Because she doesn't like "how we asked."
El oh el.
So which ones of you did Love Man tell? Come on, step up. Some of you chatted with her. Let's hear it.
Or is this "I know who he is, really. Uhh.... no, but I'm not gonna tell you. LOL. I just don't wanna, that's why."
What do you guys think?
Well, lovelies, you know who you are.
For all your prayers, hugs, and kind words, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Here it's almost 6pm, time for me to go to my Mother, and try not to cry because she looks so tiny.
It's amazing though, she still looks like she's 30.... just sick and 30.
MAYO, I tried to give you something, but I think I realized there is nothing I can do.
I don't know what you want.
I'm not sure you even hear me right now, I understand. Love to you, My best wishes, and warmest thoughts.
Thank you all, once more.
I love you very, very much.
xoxoxo, cupcake.
I don't know who Mayo is, I have never talked to love man.
I'm not in any secret societies either sadly.
I don't care anymore.
K, I have chatted with Love Man a few times but none of the times it was never about Mayo's identity.
I call bullshit!
It's too easy to say, "I know who he is, and I ONLY TOLD THE WORTHY ONES, NYAH NYAH!".
-A
All the love and hugs to you cupcake. And as K said, it's okay to cry. we will be here whenever you need to vent or talk. *hugs*
-BC sucks at sappy words. Sorry.
Amy, exactly! And plus Love Man tends to be drunk when you talk to her. She was drunk when I talked to her once.
When I'm drunk I know who Mayo is too.
And I often wonder if he prefers the temperature in the fridge a little colder or a little warmer. But, he never answers me back. :(
-A
Love Man must surely have her head up her ass.
Why should SHE be special and know who Mayo is? Hell, WE'RE the ones he talks to, and WE don't even know who he is!
Fake, fakity, faking motherfaking faker.
Fuck.
J
Amy, ha ha you crack me up XD
You know I thought love man was supposed to be a teenager who pretended to be smart or something?
OPJ - Eh, doesn't matter that much.
Loveman = Star Gentle Uterus. Pretentious non-english. Babble.
-A
Amy, I didn't know love man was a uterus :D ^_^
Sorry, Amy, I was speaking in Sarcastic. Didn't mean to be confusing. :D
I wanted to be indignant in a superficial, sarcastic, noncaring kind of way.
Did it work?
J
BC - Don't you remember from like... 5 posts ago?
-A
OPJ - Now that you've explained it to me, yes! Just fine!
Did anyone find us a cabana boy yet?
-A
I don't think so, Amy. Course, I don't swim, so I've been lax about the search.
Maybe Mayo could recommend someone?
Mmm, he probably has someone he WOULDN'T recommend...
J
OPJ - ROFLWAFFLES AND MAPLOL SYRUP!
-A has been waiting all day to use that.
OOOOOHHHHH syrup! Gimme gimme gimme!
Yuuuuuuuuuummy, I looooove syrup. Especially on pretty masseur boys who're hot like waffles.
*licks lips*
Sorry about all the extra letters, I was engrossed in a lovely fantasy...
J
OPJ - I feel like I've been trapped in one for days and days now.
A fantasy, not a cabana boy.
-A
Being trapped in a cabana boy could be ok, I guess, maybe a little uncomfortable.
Or maybe not. O_o
J
"Star Gentle Uterus." LOL, I said that, didn't I? I nabbed that from Sailor Moon, I think.
Outside of a book, a dog is Man's Best Friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
-A
Kapu - Indeed you did. That
part almost made me piss myself.
Mostly because as much as I love SM, I still find the attacks to be a mite bit confusing.
-A
hello again
I was quicker than I thought
now I'm having blue cheese and crackers
Wow. Three letters for you all.
L
O
L
You think that's bad, you got facebook, look up coalition against stupid douchebags.
That's funny.
-A
omg internet just went caputt. well i am back. hello
how are we.
i dont gt this post does anyone else or am i slow tonight
oh I don't know if you're about but TJ and MJ I can read it as directed at us too
Ergo, I thought the same thing.
I don't know anymore.
-A
Hey Mayo,
Arguments with your best friend are always the worst. Neither one of you wants to back down, or admit that maybe the other was right, or make the first concession. Over the years, I've had plenty of fights with L. Some of them were real doozies, too. Yet we've always managed to get past the anger, and the bond becomes stronger because of the disagreement.
I don't even WANT to know what the fight is about. I can imagine, but that's all. May I at least try to offer some advice, based solely on "been there, done that"? Thank you.
First: when you guys are talking about the issue at hand, you have to take turns expressing your viewpoints. Not all yours, not all his. He gives a point, you give a point. Or vice-versa. Doesn't matter who goes first.
When one person is talking, the other person MUST LISTEN and NOT INTERRUPT. Very important. Respect each other's words, and let them all be said.
Second: be calm. Not always an easy task, because no one can push your buttons like your best friend. Got to try, though.
Third: both of you MUST BE HONEST, completely honest. Best Friend, this goes for you, too. Actually, it all goes for you too. You guys have to tell, AND hear, the truth with each other. EVEN IF IT'S UGLY.
Fourth: remember that the reason you two are angry with each other is because you love each other, and don't want to see the other one hurt. Again, goes both ways.
Sometimes events happen in our lives that bring about sights we don't want to see in our friends. Guess what? Tough. That's fuckin' life for ya. Nobody's pristine, nobody's a saint. We make mistakes, ALL OF US, and our friends are the ones who are supposed to care for us regardless of the consequences.
Your true friend will be there after the consequences have been faced, and will still support you.
Mayo, please remember that your friend has been with you for a very long time. He has seen you through many crises, I'd wager, and he's still there. He's been talking to you for a good while, and he feels like you've been blowing him off. Have you? Be honest about that. You may have listened, but have you HEARD? Man can only talk so much and so long before he loses his voice.
Best Friend? Are you reading this too? Hopefully, because maybe, just maybe, you haven't been hearing Mayo, either. I don't know how you guys communicate, but it doesn't seem to have been in the same way. He says he's telling you every little tiny piece of truth, even the worst, nastiest parts, but you don't want to hear those. Why am I thinking he's bringing up some of your past actions and/or words? And why do I also get the feeling you tell him, This isn't about me, it's about you?
Maybe it's about both of you.
Mayo, to be honest, I thought that the reason you sometimes sound like you're talking out of both sides of your ass was because you'd forgotten what you'd said before. I do that a lot, myself. Mine's the Prozac Memory Loss kicking in. Just sayin'.
Best Friend, I'm not accusing you of anything, don't think that at all. Just, dude, hear him out, ok?
Mayo, you have to do the same, man.
No more using things against each other. That's not playing fair. You're both more intelligent than this, more thoughtful of each other.
Now, get your acts together and let's celebrate the season. It's the motherfucking holidays, dammit!
I still love you, Mayo, and Best Friend. I guess. ;)
J
SS,
All I can say is, I love you. Don't you ever forget that.
And don't you ever regret that.
Night night.
J
amyranth, it could read both ways, and as TJ said he did drop hints at something coming.
it'd be nice to have a bit of guidancas to which way it should be taken.
If it's a fight with a friend I hope they can resolve it, if it's an issue with the blog commenters I hope he feels we understand
I am not sure which way.
oh I don't know if you're about but TJ and MJ I can read it as directed at us too
hey, ergo, that's cool. it's just how it seems to me, you know? i can read it the other way, too, but my first impression was that this was directed at us.
the thing is, even though this post is impassioned and frustrated and makes me ache to read it, i'm also glad for it. it's good to read something about how he's really feeling.
I repeat myself so much these days that the truth is often lost in the mix.
That's a pretty sticky word to throw around. Is there even such a thing? There's only perception, Mayo. add that to everything J. just said.
I get the feeling that you're just venting here and maybe not asking for our advice. And if this advice is about as wanted as the clap, then I apologize for that. You do have an audience though, one that has grown to like you. So I guess you have to expect opinions.
Mayo, I asked you once if you were the only one who kept this blog, and you said you were. Hey, I still believe you, because, well, you sounded honest.
No, that's not why I believe you. I believe you because I'm a writer, an avid reader, and because I understand sensibility and because I can "hear" it. You get what I'm saying?
The offer is always open to talk. About this, about NOT this, about anything. You did a nice thing for me, Mayo, so, yeah.
Ergo - me neither.
Too overtired to think.
Bedtime for me, ladies and Mayo's.
-Amyranth
Incidentally, Mayo and SS, that offer still stands to answer a question you both asked at one time. I don't know how important that answer is to either of you in light of recent developments or what, but just in case. Maybe it can help you. Maybe it's meaningless; I have no idea.
And please stay tuned to this station over the next few weeks, Mayo and SS. Okay? hang on to your hats.
Are you ready? 'Cause we almost are.*
*We're not, actually, we're so desperately behind; I'll get on this tomorrow, really. At some point. But I wanted to sound all cool and mysterious.
goodnight amyranth
sleep well
Oh no Amy, I do remember that uterus post. I was only being silly ^_^
you sounded cool and mysterious K
goodnight
Goodnight and sweet dreams Amy. I had fun kinda making fun of Love Man a little bit. I should be ashamed right? ;)
MAYO
so hello mayo. did you miss me. NOPE i take it you didnt notice hahaha dont worry. i understand at least i have my friends that listen to me. i dont even know who you are so untill then what the heck.
so i was online tonight and i herd a little story but i wont believe it untill you come and play. all i will say is that we are waiting for you. your not in the driving seat anymore are you. you know that there is someone else here that has more admiration from the lovely family than you do. does that eat at you inside. well he listens to the whispers aswell so i will tip my hat to him.
i havent bothered understanding your post. i got tired with it tonight. i didnt even know you posted and thats very unlike me but oh well things happen.
i didnt tell you that we found bruises on my niece today. life can be shit. shes 18 months nd had finger bruises on her back. pretty sad thinking of it but thats more important whether you post or whether you listen.
SS
i have never comment to you before but i wanted to tonight. i want to say that your pressence is missed. you have alot of people here that look out for you. please look out for them to as best as you can. remember that the whole is greater than its parts and you my sir are part of the whole. you always will be.
well i am just babling on now but i just wanted to say to my e family. words cant be said to show you how much i love you all. thank you so much for today. yes it hurt and yes i had doubts about here but i am glad i came back. thank you all once again
well goodnight everybody and sleep well
may you all have pleasant dreams and you all think of the ones you love.
fimble
xx
oh fimble sorry about your niece, hope it's ok
any one care to join me in some cheese and crackers and a nice glass of wine?
I have a medium dry white or a red lambrusco
(cask wine - another brilliant australian invention!!)
i didnt tell you that we found bruises on my niece today. life can be shit. shes 18 months nd had finger bruises on her back. pretty sad thinking of it but thats more important whether you post or whether you listen.
WHAT?
good night to fimble and amyranth.
fimble, i'm sorry to hear about your neice. that truly does suck, it's awful. hang in there.
Email me or catch me on chat Fimble, about this thing with your niece. O_O If you feel like talking about it, I mean.
cheers everyone she will be fine. she is a tough cookie. nighty night
xx
it's ok Kap, it may have been a one off/accident
they are keeping an eye on it.
I just asked fimble, her niece is fine though
k i wil catch you on chat due to not knowing email.
xx
oh as she just said ! lol
come on any takers?
i have blue, blue brie or camenbert?
though it's probably a little late for you guys
Fimble - If someone is leaving bruises on your 18 month old niece, I would say that's the carte blanche to leave a trail of blood down that person's shirt.
And if you won't do it, I will. Name a place and a time.
-A
you know I had a dream I was watching the guys from MCR playing baseball.
I had to walk through a school and
we were on a cliff and they were in water and the pitcher was above and there were all these little penguins (like 50) waving their wings in time around the batter and they'd all dive under when the ball was pitched.
and there was a swell and we all got wet and I couldn't find my dry clothes so went without, except for knickers.
analyse that one ! lol
oh ergo you tempt me mightily, but i can't eat this close to bedtime.
waitaminnit.
it's e-crackers and cheese and wine.
hand it over. :)
oh there were lots of other people too playing and watching
amy. i will be doing the battering but you can join me and have a shot yourself. no one hurts someone i love and gets away ith it. thank you amy tho. i shall keep you in mind and it would be florida you would have to come to. do you think you can make it hehehe
*passes over crackers and cheesboard*
red or white m'dear?
Fimble, of course. I need some vacation time, and I've always wanted to be a hired goon.
Just pay me in chocolate.
-A
ooh fimble can we have weapons?
*digs about for baseball bat - oh that's right- grabs one from dream*
Hey there guys. how are you this on this late night/morning?
i'll take the red, ergo, thank you.
fimble, i'm not very good at violence, but i have a very intimidating scowl. will that be enough?
hey BC
add "/evening" for me
i have a huge chair. i will use that as a weapon.
amy i will pay in chocolate but english chocolate, cadburys is by far the best in the world.
right i am off to bed for real now.
goodnight my hard as nails friends. catch you all tommorrow.
xx
*passes glass of cheeky little red to TJ*
BC can I interest you in a glass of wine?
now I really do have wine so no trying to drink me under the table lol!
goodnight FS, good to talk with you today
Ergo, it's evening already? Wow. There'll be times where I actually want to get drunk. a glass of wine sounds lovely. Thank you Ergo.
Goodnight fimble. I'm sorry to hear about your niece. It's terrible. Hugs and love to you.
Ah I don't tend to get drunk but we do sometimes like a glass in the afternoon to relax and with dinner.
Hubby has to work back a bit so I shall relax with you guys for a while instead.
*passes a glass to BC*
Cheers all - here's to friends!
Thank you Ergo. I'm afraid I may have to go to sleep in a few. It's almost three in the morning here.
good night fimble.
thanks for the wine, ergo.
*sips* ooh, nice!
*slugs it back*
that really hit the spot. ;)
hey, bc. it's night for me, after midnight, and after my bedtime.
I am so glad i'm in another time zone.
I am not at all a night owl
though it does distract me from stuff during the day
I find it funny that SS has more profile views than Mayonaise does, but besides that, squeak squeak, Ergo, I must call it a night. Enjoy the wine guys. It was delicious. Take care and sweet dreams!
Mayo, I didn't want to comment about this post since it seems to be to someone else. Just you calling them out,that's cool.
Like I said, I just hope it all works out.
Lil' Fim,dude, that is something you tell me. Will so go gangster on them.
'Cause we almost are
If it's about that. No. Not even close. And you freak me out everytime you mention it.
it's really time for me to say goodnight to you all. must sleep. maybe i'll dream about penguins? ;)
good night ergo, good night bc. sweet dreams to you both for when you need them!
Oh, why not...
Just one last post, I've been musing to myself and laughed at how the timing of MAYO's angry post has rather made him an inadvertent insensitive prick.
Mayo, best make sure no one is heart broken due to a dying friend when you make your next cranky pants post.
I realize the world doesn't revolve around me, but it did make you seem like a bit of a dick.
Of course I know better...
oh dear, did I just bite you for opening up? that wasn't my intention, just friendly advice.
bye again everyone.
Still loving you all, cupcake xx
Oh, and I doubt it was about us, still made me cry.
My friend is in a coma, so why shouldn't I?
So Mayo
Lots of drama tonight. I don't believe your anger was directed at us. Of course I could be wrong. I'm wrong lots of times. You do have some people worried about it.
I swear when I first read it I could just picture a vein popping out on your forehead. Way too much anger. I really don't mean to joke about this. I know I don't understand but it's not from lack of trying.
Look bottom line is this. I truly hope things work out the way that will make you happy. Real happy not that crappy fake happy that so many people accept. They accept it than they live with it. It's not a good way to spend your life.
Take care Mayo. We're all pulling for you.
goodnight BC and TJ and entropy
lots of love to you cupcake.
(it wasn't real good timing for poor Mayo)
Hoping for some good news for your friend, hold him close in your heart.
I'm off for a shower.
see you all tomorrow
night elena
night mayo, wishing you peace, love and real true happiness.
Morning Mayo!
Yes, of course I want this straight.
I'm a big girl, as we all are here, with our own lives to lead with or without you. We might respond to what you have to say in our own inimitable ways but I'm sure no-one here is the kind to rip you limb from limb, even though reading through the posts directed your way of late I possibly remain the most cynical of your intentions!
Anyway, if you don't want to eat shit at a later date you can easily delete the whole blog, although your posts do seem to reveal a bit of a scatalogical obsession so you'll probably enjoy it...
Love,
Kass xx
P.S. Splendidly judged, by the way, regarding MissT & Kapunua. For that I salute you.
mayo,
time for me to say my good nights to you. i had something i wanted to write about -- for some reason this morning i took particular notice of the winter trees in the park i pass by on my way to the bus stop. they were so evocative, so magical, standing there with their bare bones exposed. i saw them, and wanted to tell you about them, wanted to spin some pretty poetic image for you using the lines they traced on the air.
but after tonight's post, there's something else. and maybe it will just come across like the words of some apple-polisher, the blog's resident sycophant prattling away once again, and so i hesitate, not knowing what weight you will give to what i have to say.
but after re-reading your post, i need to say this.
mayo, i could only promise to speak truthfully to you because i believe in your truthfulness. i don't care if what you see as truth changes from day to day, as long as what you say comes straight from your heart. you've always given me something to think about. i don't always understand what you mean, but i'm always trying to understand, and i absolutely love that.
don't let anyone make you lie. please always speak your truth, whatever the hell it might be, whether it's pretty or not. i want to hear it. and if what you're saying is completely different tomorrow, you know what i'll be doing? i'll be trying to follow your mental process, that took you from truth a to truth b.
i really will. isn't that ridiculous? i can only laugh at myself for this, i'm such a lackey. :)
and like a true lackey, i'm glad to know this, what you've written tonight, even though it's painful to read.
thank you, mayo.
best of dreams to you, always.
Goodnight Toujours,
I don't think you're a sychophant at all. The World needs people like you with open hearts believing the best of people to make up for all us black-centered cynics!
Love,
Kass xx
i'm glad we can balance each other out, kass! *grin*
g'night!
TJ I agree, it is the processes they bring about that makes the posts so intriguing.
I too tend to believe in the inherant good in people unless I see very good evidence to the contrary. And I really don't see anything from Mayo that would cause me to doubt his sincerity.
Mayo
It is everyones right to change their minds and people should never be harshly judged without knowing the full circumstances of their lives.
All I would ask is that if you have caused anyone pain by your choices that you be honest and forthright and work to make whatever amends you can, as that is all any of us can ever be expected to do.
And if you decide to change, Mayo, just be true to yourself. You will always be the most interesting of characters in this play that is my life. If one day I could understand you more, I would treasure each piece you care to share. I'm sure you know more of us than we do of you. I still wonder at your purpose in all of this. However I am glad to be part of it, and of the group of people who share in this place you've created.
I've seen fom the posts at my blog that we do truly encircle the globe and it's as if you allow us to encircle you in our arms and to share in your good and bad times.
I don't usually post like this,but I am prompted tonight. Just so you know you are supported, in whatever you choose, even if I come out filthy.
So.... here I am, just thought I'd give an update on the situation with my friend.
It's looking really bad.
It was less than 48 hours ago he was talking to me, always so caring.
His family died in a car accident.
He was a lonely young man...
He deserved a better life.
Please spare a thought for his few friends that love him dearly.
xxcupcake.
"Sometimes I change my mind, and you use it against me."
Mayo,
There is a difference between someone changing their mind and an act of rampant hypocrisy. Trust us to tell the difference - you wont live very long if it's the latter!
Kass xx
Cupcake,
Don't worry about upsetting Mayo by bringing your real feelings in here. My angriest posts have been when the Real World turned to sh*t for my friends and they're the moments when Mayo's problems don't amount to a hill of beans.
Feel free to vent. In the meantime my thoughts are with you.
*Big DKNY-scented hug*
Love,
Kass xx
Hi there cupcake.
I made it back.
I'll see you in a moment.
Hi all.
Phew, that was all momentarily dramatic. Blogger wouldn't let me on.
Morning Kass.
Morning PP!
Sometimes it lets me log on immediately, sometimes I have to threaten it...
Kass xx
Cupcake,
It sounds like your friend has had some difficult times in his life, especially losing his own family like that. That makes friends like you even more special to him. You become his family. It is no wonder you are taking this so hard.
He must be a very special and resilient young man to have been a caring person despite his adversities.
*hugs for cupcake who waits in anguish*
Kass,
Blogger hates me not liking it's cookies.
If chocolate was added, then I'd be sweet on them.
god mayo this makes me feel so sad for you. i hope you are ok?? life is so hard sometimes isn't it?!
i know how you feel though,really i do,not that that helps you at all. i hope you can work it out whatever it is you are going through. talking til you're blue in the face is so frustrating though. especially when the problem is not resolved when you are through with talking!! god i have so been there! take care of yourself ok.
hello everyone i'm feeling all down now!! wasn't expecting a new mayo post. oh well.
Mayo,
Good Morning, how are you? I hope you at least feel better getting that shit out. Me? Not so good..I slept terribly and only a few hours, but oh well, oh well, oh well. The day will not stop for me. I was shocked when I looked outside and saw the world still revolving around the sun and not me. There's always tomorrow...
So, I told you I would have more for you to chew on today and I do, but it's not a lot more than what I gave you last night. I do relate to what you say more than you know, mainly, because I am always the one known for telling shit just like it is. This happens most of the time at my job. OOOOh, people have a hard time with sdock10 at work. They don't know if I'm a good friend of a super-bitch. You know what else they see? Oh I can throw the most wonderful fits. Literally, I throw shit....staplers, pens, notepads, etc. Next example, I have a filthy, vulgar, terrible mouth and I use it. I can't help it that they just walk by and hear it. I guess that's why I was so super frustrated last week and why I stay super frustrated when I am there. I have been told to tone it down, to be quiet, to refrain, and restrain. OK, I get it...I'm at my job. I should do better, but guess what? That is really me. That is how I am. I am that real. I am that fucked up. And then I have this person that I have known for 10 years trying to manipulate my situation. Could I do better? Absolutely. We all could. The minute we stop trying to do better we need to stop in our fucking tracks because something is not right. Could I lie and pretend to do it better? No I fucking can't. If it gets me fired, oh well.
I once had someone ask me if I prayed because of the way I act. Crazy that this person couldn't see that I was the only one who honestly cared and I wasn't the one feeding the bullshit.
Mayo, I know who you are. Not your identity. That shit is useless here, I know the person you are. Just like you know exactly who I am. Now, I want to know who do you want to be?
Boy, my comment is so fucking incoherent to me, but maybe if you don't get it, you'll at least feel where I am coming from.
...maybe
Wishing you all that you need to make it through the day today...faith, hope, &
Love to YOU Always,
s
p.s. We fight hardest for the that which we love the most.
Hello! for now please accept my caring thoughts and best wishes everyone.
Mayonaise,
So…was that the ghost answering you a few days ago?
Since you brought it up, I am asking you to let the shit flow here, too. Did you ever read anything in depth or were you just skimming the shallow surface?
Acceptance and Truth; the name of the game I am looking for.
I trust you Mayonaise, to become the man (you) want to be. It does not mean I have to like all your decisions, but I am open to accepting them and still care to know what you think, feel, and dream.
Yes, I kept my distance. However, I have always taken to heart all of your posts and read everyone else's words, throughout all the good-bad levels and many changes.
Once again, I have issues with everyday intimacy. Nevertheless, for some damn reason(s) I was compelled to come here. Today, I am still willing to learn, give, and receive, if need be. I will never ask you to conform and fit into someone else's idea of perfection and I ask the same.
I am here and waiting for time to catch up and hit the fan.
Much love to all and goodnite.
`sc
Kass, thank you for the hug, and thank you for the kind words PP.
I've never lost someone close to me, no one human anyway, the thought of it terrifies me.
Doctors are saying we should be prepared.... I know that's pretty bad.
I can't believe this is happening.
I also can't believe my last words to him were so careless.
I was too busy to hear about his problems.
I'm not blaming myself.... but I do feel like shit about this.
How could I not?
I doubt I'll be sleeping any time soon, so I should be on here on and off for the next 24 hours...
love to you all xx
cupcake.
PP,
Don't say 'chocolate'! There's no vending machine in the building and I've already developed overwhelming cravings for cocoa. It's still only 12.18pm....
Kass xx
P.S. Hi FASC, SD10 & SC
Mayo,
Not sure you'll get around to reading anything this time of the clock, but sorry for stepping in earlier.
That's always a crazy time of day around here and I should have known better than to crash in then with half an eye on the screen.
So you vented at last.
Has it helped in anyway? I must confess I thought it was going to be against us.
But it was against someone else.
Is the relationship that bad you have to do it via public forum rather than in person?
You come across as a sensitive person that is trying to find their way but is often misjudged in what you attempt to do. The problem is you are also pigheaded and dogmatic in that you are an adult and know your own mind.
Sometimes other people 'see' you better and see mistakes being made. They see advantage being taken of that quieter side and look out for you. So, when you take flight on a venture they can't stop wanting to protect because they know the real you and don't want you to get hurt.But they get hurt because you can't see they have your best interests at heart.
Let's face it, some of us are just rotten judges of character and we see our mistakes but we don't like to fix them because that means we fail. It's easier to blame than front up. The true seers see that as well and tire of it.
Funny thing is I saw two people that were once firm friends, like that, last week. They hardly looked at each other as they passed by. One was more comfortable with strangers,strong in himself and his conviction, content to walk on his own, away from his associates. The other needed protecting. He could have done with a friend rather than a minder. I looked at them and thought there is something so wrong between those two and I don't know that it can be fixed at a personal level. I hope it can but suspect some major work will need to be undertaken before compromise is reached again.
So can your relationship be fixed? Are you seeing clearly or still hiding behind not hurting people, but hurting yourself and your friendship in the process.
You finally vented and we stand here going o_O with only parts of both sides of the story.
Rambling as usual in the early hours.
Lots of people have made offers of help to you and your friend.
Maybe you should both take some of them up.
That's going to be along day, Kass
*PP bites into lovely dark 70% cocoa Lindt*
Hi Sd,
I'm outrambling you tonight, I think. At least yours is coherent.
Hello and goodnight, SC.
CC, you know there is always someone here at Mayo's for you. Try and get a little sleep at least.
hi kass,PP,sdock,sc,cupcake.i can't stay just popping in catching up popping out sorta thing!
cupcake hang in there hope you are ok.
god kass just gotta say thats an awful story! made me shudder. poor girl.
PP,
You're a bitch! Just saying....
I don't know how SD10 and so many of our colleagues manage to be so coherent, especially at times when there's comments flying in from all directions. It takes me far to long to spell- & punctuation-check my posts....
Kass xx
Thanks Cass.
You're right, I do feel sick. I haven't eaten since I heard.
Well I've eaten plenty of Xanax to stop the panic, but other than that, nothing.
I just cant.
Hey you guys! PP, CC, Kass, FASC and anyone else I missed!
I hope you guys have a great day/night wherever you are.
I'm off to slave away my day for a bloody dollar!
Oh well, at least I can choose how I want to slave it away, right?
Cupcake, honey, you stay here all fucking day if you want to. There will be plenty of ears to listen, hands to hold, and shoulders to cry on.
Love you ALL!
S
p.s. By any chance, is the world revolving around any of you today?
What a shuddering awful story Kass. That must have been hard to deal with.
Kass said,
PP...You're a bitch! Just saying....
lol sticks and stones sweetie, when cocoa rushing, mmmm....
Waves hi at FASC. Sd10, may your day be fast and sweet.
It's my own fault really PP. We don't have any snacks within walking distance so I make sure I only bring in healthy stuff so that's all I can eat. Of course, it doesn't take into account those times of 'the month' when sugar is a medical necessity...
Kass xx
Kass, that's tragic....
Poor girl..
Supermarkets should just plant the confectionary row next to the personal hygiene products display.
Or the tampon dispensers in the toilets could also do shrink-wrapped chocolate bars...
We're genii/geniuses!
Cupcake,
It's not something that I've told a lot of people but this is a place where we need to share our experiences. You're not a bad person and neither am I but sometimes we make a bad call or don't take the time.
We're human and ultimately fallable - unfortunately realising this and feeling guilty are not mutually exclusive.
Love,
Kass xx
Yep, sanitation always kills the thread dead.
Some of us just need no reason to eat chocolate anyway.
Don't drink, don't smoke, what do you do...
Kass said;
Or the tampon dispensers in the toilets could also do shrink-wrapped chocolate bars...
Nice product line idea Kass. Huge potential. Just need a name for them.
And killed the thread immediately dead again.
*males running for cover*
I typed a few suggestions for a name into my comments box, but they all make me look like a sick, sick individual.
Obviously I am, I just don't want to look like I am...
Kass xx
Even now you girls make me laugh.
If anyone wants to know a little more, drop by my blog for a read.
XX
Oh and MAYO? even now I spare a thought for you....
do you spare one for me?
please do....
every little thought helps.
Wow.
I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to say.
Hi Mustard!
Say what you like. Deep & meaningful works just as well as random & sanitary-related.
I feel a bit guilty for dismissing Mayo's issues earlier. If it's major crisis or an ingrowing toenail, there's space for everyone here and no hierarchy of self-flagellation.
Kass xx
^^But only a bit
I feel like I was stealing his thunder.....
Cuppers,
But if Mayo cared about that he'd:
a). Be an evil b*st*rd unworthy of our attention, and
b). Have shut up shop weeks ago the way we take over this place.
Kass xx
Hi Mustard.
Kass, I couldn't find your comments box but I'm going to be really nice and agree with you anyway that you're a sick, sick individual.
I did find Plastoman. I think he's HOTTT. Does he have tattoos?
All my life I felt like there was never room for my grief or pain, so I hid it, so as not to offend or upset others.
I just cut instead.
Cuppy,
PLease don't cut anymore. Just keep talking now you have found this place.
This post makes me sad.
I dont have anything to say about it. Thats good right?
SORRY
It had been a while since I'd cut, but a few days ago I just lost it....
Having you guys helps though, it really does.
I'd be passed out from xanax and rum by now if it wasn't for all of you.
Cupcake i hope that everything will be ok for you :/ my thoughts are with you xxx
Good for you CC.
See you are strong.
Hi shame in me.
The tone is sad isn't it.
MAYONAISE,
Welcome back my cryptic and pissed off Mayo!!! Haven't seen you in a long time. Ok, so I'm not going to even pretend to know who you are talking to or what you're talking about here. Generally speaking, I can only say that "friends" don't use stuff against you and you should never have to "eat shit and lie". I can understand a friend calling you out on your inconsistencies. And if you are being inconsistent, why?
Changing your mind is your right. You are allowed to change your mind. It's the reasoning behind it that sometimes gets lost in the mix unless you explain yourself clearly. Don't feel the need to explain yourself? Fine. But don't get upset when people make ASSumptions as to why. Am I making sense? It's hard to tell sometimes.
I know what it's like to have a friend who changes their mind constantly and always feels like everyone is out to get him.
His real enemy?
Himself.
Mayo, I have said before and I'll say it again, we do honestly care about you. If you do need us, we are here. You know that.
Hugs and kisses,
Princess S&V20
P.S. - If by some chance, you are talking to us......WTF?
Just playin'.
Drumroll...
The Kerrang! Readers' Poll 2007 results have been announced:
MCR win 'Best Band' & 'Worst Band'.
They're also second after the Download Festival for 'Best Thing About 2007'.
Second for 'Best Video' for 'I Don't Love You' after 30STM 'The Kill'.
Second for 'Best Single', also after 30STM.
Second for 'Best Live Band' after Muse.
Gerard was voted top, but disqualified from 'Sexiest Female' but doesn't rank in the top 5 for 'Sexiest Male'. (I'd hate to think it was the Marks of Love that cost him this one!)
He's also 3rd in 'Villain of the Year' (Ville Valo), 5th in 'Hero of the Year' (Jared Leto) and 'The Umbrella Academy' is second 'Best Book' (HP&TDH).
Rather wonderfully, Ray is officially the sexiest MCRer polling fourth (Ville Valo was top) and Frankles is fifth.
Go Toro, you sexy beast!!
Thank you shame in me.... sim...
I'll call you sim :)
Nooooo! I'm a numpty.
Ville Valo is Hero, JL is the Villain...
G-Way said "It's amazing to still be relevant. We say this all the time, but polls and awards don't really mean anything to us - but at the same time, it's nice to know that your fans support you enough to vote for you. That's really cool. We aren't downplaying it, but to us, fans are awards. Still we do divide people and we get that every year."
Best band and worst band again.
Nice double header.
"Rather wonderfully, Ray is officially the sexiest MCRer polling fourth (Ville Valo was top) and Frankles is fifth."
Fro fans start frisking in glee across the globe.
NEWS! good news!
miracle! he's gonna be ok!
doctors can't believe it, but baring complications, he will live and make a reasonable recovery!
MCR win 'Best Band' & 'Worst Band'.
This will make GW happy.
Second for 'Best Live Band' after Muse.
That's effin' awesome...'cause they are amazing.
Rather wonderfully, Ray is officially the sexiest MCRer polling fourth.
Who pulled the strings on this one?! Dude SHOULD HAVE BEEN NUMERO UNO...finger skillz, awesome hair, lovely arms...thighs? Need I go on?
;)
Cupcake, that is fuckin' awesome. Sending my well-wishes. :)
Cupcake said;
miracle! he's gonna be ok!
Cupcake!
*runs and gives a huge hug*
That's fantastic news!
I can't believe it! I'm crying happy tears!
Mayonaise;
I am going to think about this post all day, then report back to you after school. Sound good, my dear?
You all are in my heart.
xoxo;
All my love.
- 007
*HUG*
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