Most of it is gone now.
The rain having pelted the remains
the final time.
I passed by yesterday
and felt what could have been
your hand. The scream,
I won’t let go. Today
I stopped.
I buy gas and cheap
bags of pretzels, she wants candy.
I refuse,
and contemplate
what could have been
for you
in those last moments.
Did you let go
knowing?
Pump stopped.
Ten minutes I have stood,
you are here for eternity.
Always yielding, never turning.
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1,580 comments:
«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 400 of 1580 Newer› Newest»well purple means royalty....
im still confused
no i dont think so 616
Kapunua said...
Anonymous said...
it sounds like mayo killed someone...
Most awesome interpretation of the night. ^_^ Seriously.
Poor, pathetic, single me......
I couldn't possibly know what true happiness is UNLESS I've been married. Pffft.....
Exactly. Doesn't it get you so mad?
Anonymous said...
red=passion
purple=of higher stance
Well, like Mustard said, royalty
I mentioned that as well...
Purple... hmm..
-Amyranth needs a poutine.
scilence... so the time might mean something?
...instead of just settling down with a pleasant little job and a pleasant little spouse and a white picket fence and two yellow labs, 2.5 kids in a nice school with soccer practice every week etc.
good description of hell, actually.
tbh, mostly, when i was thinking "rewarding", i was remembering how good it was to have someone to go camping with, someone to have private jokes with, someone who really did want to hear how your day went, and...
well, yeah, sex.
(i can admit it.)
hummmm
oh the mind games
Lolita Haze said...
Hi hi everybunny!
Hi anon616! The number of the beassssst. Sorry. Maiden in my head...
Hi Lolita! Yeah, and the song actually works with 616 too! Try it......It doesn't interfere with the beat and rythm at all ;-)
That sounds great 616! ^_^
Tj that is what fuck friends are for.
tbh, mostly, when i was thinking "rewarding", i was remembering how good it was to have someone to go camping with, someone to have private jokes with, someone who really did want to hear how your day went, and...
well, yeah, sex.
(i can admit it.)
You can get all that stuff without the whole "The American Dream" marriage "romance" thing. You can even find it from different people. It doesn't have to come down to one single person you put all of those tags on. It's just crazy!
*reads again*
*ponders*
this is the toughest to pick apart yet *rollseyes*
Yeah, to have what all Toujours remembers would be nice.
I can't tell you how many times I woke up and thought that today would be the day. There would be someone today that would want to talk to me and get to know me better and maybe eat lunch with me. Every day I wake up to that thought.
I can't tell you how many times I went to sleep and thought about my day and how no one wanted to talk to me and get to know me better or eat lunch with me. Every night I go to sleep with that thought in my head.
Let down every day by my own thoughts.
Hi Bitter Revenge! I love Maiden too. Was Eddie the best band mascot or what???
Mayo, I don't even know what to say. This blog clearly shows your love for someone. It's never too late to go back and fix things. Don't let her slip away.
paper heart seems to know wat this means
*listens carefully*
Bleeding Chaos said...
That sounds great 616! ^_^
We singles must always remember to give each other helpful rubber tool advice ;-)
Tj that is what fuck friends are for.
lol martha!
maybe i oughta look in that...;)
It doesn't have to come down to one single person you put all of those tags on. It's just crazy!
i know that one, from experience. it was crazy, but it was good and worked for a very long time. and has worked, for others.
nah. i can't give it up yet, kapunua, even if it makes me a pawn of hallmark & co. don't worry though, i've got a little thread of amazon in me, too --
we'll see how it goes, eh?
:)
Bitter Revenge,
It's just my interpretation. I don't know anything.
*sigh* men... they can be so complicated at times >.<
SINGLES FTW!
paper heart, none of us realy know anything.. were just going off of others interpretations
mustardisbetter said...
Yeah, to have what all Toujours remembers would be nice.
I can't tell you how many times I woke up and thought that today would be the day. There would be someone today that would want to talk to me and get to know me better and maybe eat lunch with me. Every day I wake up to that thought.
I can't tell you how many times I went to sleep and thought about my day and how no one wanted to talk to me and get to know me better or eat lunch with me. Every night I go to sleep with that thought in my head.
Let down every day by my own thoughts.
=============
TJ and MIB, love/lust/frienship all seems to happen when and where you least expect it. Don't give up, ever! You never know what's around the next corner.
I know BR ^_^
My interpretation seems pretty off though. Just in my opinion.
Hi Paperheartxx!
well not more off than mine ;)
i guess im not what you would call a poet
I can't tell you how many times I woke up and thought that today would be the day. There would be someone today that would want to talk to me and get to know me better and maybe eat lunch with me. Every day I wake up to that thought.
and it hurts. it hurts to read it, and it hurts to remember what that felt like, and i avoid thinking about stuff like that now, because it hurts to wonder if that's my path now too.
i don't want that for me, or for you, mustard.
but i do remember that when i did meet that guy, it happened exactly at a point in my life when i decided i didn't need to wait anymore, and i was ready to just be me, and not a lady-in-waiting.
(how can i be arguing against kapunua's stance on relationships, and for her stance on relationships, in the same evening? *gah* no wonder i'm a crazy lady.)
I agree anon616! :D
I haven't said much but I'm gonna sign off.
Goodnight people.
Hey Anon616!
*hug*
Hello and Goodnight Miss T!
*HUG*
Sweet dreams.
goodnight miss t see you tomorrow
Take care Miss T. *hugs*
I will retreat to my own blog. This post is making me sad for some reason
Hello Ph
hugz
hummm this one is a mind boggler..
*gets brother in poetry class to put it in blonde words*
bitter revenge said...
scilence... so the time might mean something?
November 11, 2007 4:05 AM
Yes!
BC, hello and goodbye as well. I will come talk on your blog.
Hello Martha! *HUG*
How are you tonight?
Miss T, you're leaving us for the night already? T'is my fault isn't it. Once I start talking, it's hard to get me to SHHH ;-)
I hope you have a great night/morning Miss T!
Mayo,
I'll be in NYC next weekend...how I wish...you could be there too and we could meet...perhaps in a Starbucks and talk for hours...and then walk and talk and then...who knows? That is what I wish and wish and wish for...hopelessly and fervently. How I would LOVE to pick your brain. It is the most sensuous thing about you!
scilence... so what does the time mean excatly.. i see numbers
I don't either Toujours. I don't want that for you, or for me, or for anyone.
And it does hurt. It hurts so much and there's nothing that will make it go away. A shadow. A "leech". It's always there. The pain is always there and no matter what you do to try to mask it, no matter how many people get fooled by your fake smile, it's the one laying down beside you at night. And I don't know what to do.
SILENCE!!!!!! I'm gonna go eat some vegan rICE CREAM.
good night miss t. ^.^
see you later, bc. take care.
And you too BC? Well, goodnight to you as well and if you need any more rubber tool advice, just come to me :)
I've added Skyy to my grocery list for you too *wink*
hahahha good on you, lolita!
I prefer a block of vegan white chocolate *licks lips*
Aw, Miss T. Goodnight. I'll be making a visit later. Look out for me.
Oh my god, Mayo, people are hitting on you. How funny is that. ^_~
silence. said...
bitter revenge said...
scilence... so the time might mean something?
November 11, 2007 4:05 AM
Yes!
The 5:54 in his Profile is the time he posted in the last blog. It was referring to the fact that he had a new interest, which was the question I had asked him in the blog previous.
Unfortunately, it has nothing to do with this post.
-Amyranth
rofl
i cant but laugh a bit
(concerning the flirting thing)
do we know what kind of intrest?
bitter revenge said...
scilence... so what does the time mean excatly.. i see numbers
November 11, 2007 4:25 AM
His location.. said 5.54 pm,
He commented my question with a very Mayo-like answer at 3.54 am.
Ten hours later. To the minute.
-s00
ps. It's silence, not scilence. [:
I'd love to hit on Mayo.
Now, remove love, to, on.
Just kidding.
But boyo, you gotta get it through your skull. I might have to make another private post, just to you. Maybe you'll read it this time.
-Amyranth
p.s- if mayo was about to post.. that chick totaly scared him away
Yeah, 616, I'm going back to my blog. This post is not helping me emotionally, and I'm afraid I'm getting sick on top of all of that. All because I left my hair wet ^_^
Paperheart, if you are still here, guess who is back? Me! Lol
Take care 616, and everyone else. Much love and hugs to all of you
I'm laughing a lot. A dude can string words together and people start to take their clothes off.*
*Hyperbole. Teasing you all. ^_^
sorry i cant spell XD
Goodnight BC!
Mayo, I loved what you wrote.
But, you know, if you keep making left hand turns you will always wind up at the same intersection. How about making a right turn for a change. You might like the scenery better.
so he has a thing for :54 *shifty*
Amyranth said...
I'd love to hit on Mayo.
Now, remove love, to, on.
With a phone book? ^_^
BR- it's alright!
Is it just me, but do those two times just click? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill...?
it seems like Jennicula speaks mayos lang.
tehe
I'm alright as usual my computer wants to be a bitch I'm going to have to get a new one. I was planning on upgrading anyway so its alright.
silence. said...
BR- it's alright!
Is it just me, but do those two times just click? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill...?
Totally a molehill. I think that all of us have better things to do than time our posts to the minute.
...it's the one laying down beside you at night. And I don't know what to do.
i don't know either. and it sucks so hard to have to write that, because i just want to say "voila! i have the answers! i will heal you! i will chase it away!" but dammit, there are answers, eventually, there has to be.
so, tonight the only thing i can say is just keep turning your back on that shadow. it doesn't belong in your bed, and until you can kick it out for good, at least don't give it the satisfaction of watching your face when you're asleep.
it's a paltry response for the depth of emotion in your comment, but i'm adding my love, too. stick your tongue out at that shadow, mustard, flip it the bird, and hog the blankets.
i dont know, but what are the odds that he posts on the same min.?
then again, mayo is infamous for defying all odds
Goodnight BC
Awwh. Martha, My computer isn't loading properly. It's making me mad!
good point Kapunua
Love and Hugs to you too BC, and to everyone else. I'm heading out for awhile. I'll see what's waiting for me around the next corner or two ;-)
Have a great night/morning/day everyone!
Hahaha Kapunua, you have a point.
But I can be excessively meticulous.
Ohhhh dear.
silence. said...
BR- it's alright!
Is it just me, but do those two times just click? Or am I just making a mountain out of a molehill...?
A bit yeah. Did you read my last post?
-Amyranth
If you are on a tight schedule or might be trying to hid what you are doing you might.
Goodnight anon616!
but dammit, there are answers, eventually, there has to be.
But questions can be even more fun than answers. ^_^
Kapu - Phone Books don't leave marks...
-Amyranth
grace us with your presence mayo!
im sure the flirtatious girl stopped
let us in that oh so intricate mind of yours
Sweet Dreams anon616! *HUG*
Goodbye anon616
stick your tongue out at that shadow, mustard, flip it the bird, and hog the blankets.
And then there was laughter through the tears.
Dudes, I posted at 1:16 AM on the 9th and 1:16 AM on the 10th. Totally by accident. No big.
nahh too much of a far strech martha
night night martha, and everyone else.
Kapunua, i think you've proven your point
'bye, anon616. ^.^
But questions can be even more fun than answers. ^_^
wellll...it's even better when the questions turn out to be the answers. :)
Dudes, I posted at 1:16 AM on the 9th and 1:16 AM on the 10th. Totally by accident. No big.
Kapunua! What is up your sleeve young lady?!
Sorry, that made me laugh^_^
Yes the times could mean nothing and they probably don't. But we are on a blog for a mysterious blogger.
i'm giving you a hug, mustard. feel it? ^.^
so so mysterious *shifty*
I have a feeling Mayo's watching. Just a feeling, no proof.
I think this may be the most honest night we've shared. Or maybe that's just me.
I think it's a relatable night, let's put it that way. And I think Mayo's listening.
OoooWHA? My kitty ears are-a pitchin' forward. VEGAN WHITE CHOCOLATE? WHERE?
I'm used to carob.
I'm trying really hard to feel it.
I feel it.
Kapunua! What is up your sleeve young lady?!
Half-concealed stiletto? ^_^
seems mayo of him to be watching us run in circles trying to figure this out!
jkjk
stiletto i such an aswome sounding and looking word
its just like a sexi word..
*laughs at self*
Half-concealed stiletto? ^_^
You sure are quite the trickster, aren't you? =]
Kapunua said...
Kapunua! What is up your sleeve young lady?!
Half-concealed stiletto? ^_^
I have a phone book. It's pretty thick.
-Amyranth
"She wants candy
I refuse"
'She' could be a child.
Or again, I could be wrong.
i'm glad you got it, mustard. my arms are a little stretched out, but it's good, don't worry. :)
do you really think he's reading? it's almost 5 am. i'd hate to think he's up at that hour with all of us maudlin women.
so overall, in my opinion, mayo is having other intrests but is having trouble putting the old ones at rest..
too far of a strech?
i dont think its a child, i would take those lines more on the metaphoricaly put side
Half-concealed stiletto? ^_^
I have a phone book. It's pretty thick.
WELL.. I beat you all, I have a jar of Mayo up my sleeve!
RAWR.
Wait,
this is very unrelated,
but how did Gerard Way's grandmother die?
BR, I agree with both comments.
I believe that Mayo is talking about an old love, not a child.
BR; Mayo-ish is not my forte, but I think I kinda got this one.
are you implying this is gerard way silence!!!!
jkjk
i dont know, i dont think its ever been said (is comming from a person who knows every line in LOTMS)
no offense to any vegan/ vegetarians but someone once told me carob was "just like chocolate"
nooooo.
Just popping back in hello everyone!!
They say wanting a lot of sugary food is a sign of vitamin deficiency
elabirate Jennicula
and yes and old love does make sence
but a lover, or a family member
Silence:
I thought that, too. I reread it and it made sense, but then I laughed the idea off. It could be about anyone if you read it. He never specifies gender except with the candy and that could be a dog.
*shrugs*
Tojours:
I don't know if Mayo's reading or not. I just have a feeling. Mostly because he always lingers around after he posts, says something off-the-wall that always makes sense (?), then leaves with "check the time, and goodnight".
No other reasons than that I don't suppose.
my vote is for an old lover
less like for it to be eliza *cringes at name*
maybe k?
silence, it was in hospital, I think unexpectedly, I know he thought he would see her the next day
(can't tell you where I read that, it was some interview)
possibly something like pneumonia, it often strikes the elderly.
I think that I understand this blog better than any other one posted by Mayo. Just because it is so straight forward and doesn't seem so cryptic. But he is the King of Cryptic, so I can't be too sure..
mayo is very clever
its like every line has such a significance, and it dosent make sence till something happens, and that line.. makes the whole diffrence in the situation
if what i said even makes sence
Silence -
About Gerard's grandmother
He came home from a tour and went to bed thinking he would see her in the morning. He never got the chance. She died before he could see her.
it could very well be his grandmother, but why would it be brought up so out of the blue?
Oh and Silence...
I'm sure this still haunts him.
I know how that feels.
I was at the funeral for one grandma when my other grandma died.
Family members actually came to the graveside to tell me. I had been with her everyday until then. She slipped away while I was gone.
I'm not going to say anything about Gerard's grandmother, God rest her soul.
That's completely real-life and personal, and I don't want to embark on that journey.
If this is who some of us believe it to be and it is about his grandmother, to that I say:
That pain will never be gone. It will linger, but she will always be there for you. In mind and spirit. Her memory is there. Her love is there. She's at peace.
She-wolf, would you lay down that sword?
*hugs elena*
Hey, none taken. I hated chocolate.
I love carob.
Elena,
I am sorry to hear about both of your grandmother's.
*HUG*
I also lost my grandmother 5 years ago..
Elena said...
I was at the funeral for one grandma when my other grandma died.
Family members actually came to the graveside to tell me. I had been with her everyday until then. She slipped away while I was gone.
Mine went when they changed her oxygen mask. She wasn't in a coma, just asleep, but my aunt said she took a deep breath, and was gone.
-Amyranth
i always get an erie shaky feeling when ever i talk about death
One more thing and then I'll shut up.
I hated myself for not being there.
I hated that I was mad at her for leaving while I was away.
elena --
ouch.
bitter revenge said...
it could very well be his grandmother, but why would it be brought up so out of the blue?
November 11, 2007 4:59 AM
Because I was once told by someone that she died in a car crash.
Oh my God Elena I'm so sorry to hear that.
Gosh, let's not talk about Grandmas tonight.
Let's talk about mixed metaphors.
Anonymous said...
She-wolf, would you lay down that sword?
Wolves don't carry swords, Bright Star.
She probably wanted to leave while you were gone.. not that she didn't love you, but because she did.
btw, hey there ergo. ^.^
mustard, those are good enough reasons for me! i usually get that feeling, too. just after a post it always feels like we're all here, you know? but i'm all cloudy tonight, i can't tell. i'll have to rely on your instincts tonight in the matter, if you don't mind.
I was at the funeral for one grandma when my other grandma died.
elena, i'm so sorry. that must have been such a shock.
Goodnight
I don't think it is his grandmother, it jsut doesn't read that way at all for me.
Elena, know the feeling, distance prevented me from seeing my grandfater,and nana prior to their passing and not believing it was as serious as it was, my friend/mentor.(all in the one year)
Though I made it to all the funerals, my brother was even further away and was unable.
Sometimes things just cannot be helped.
(though amazingly a plane that was delayed 1 1/2 hrs was able to land only 1/2 hr late, so I missed only a fraction of my friends funeral, Thank you Terry!!
(plus his songs were all Queen, ending with We are the Champions, love you and miss you mate)
must post this!
i turn away, but listen carefully,
watching your hand gesture from the corner of my eye.
i repeat them over and over
i clutch my bag tightly to my chest, as if inside was everything i had, ironicaly symobolic of how i repress my feelings, and keep them close to myself, cause i must keep them safe,
.
i flash you a smile to let you know im onay
sorry about all the typos
Goodnight Silence. And I'll ask, ya okay?
I'm sorry for all of the deaths you all have been face with. It's never easy. My condolences to all of you.
My great grandmother dead in her sleep. I didn't get to see her before she died I thought I would have a chance to so I didn't go. I was sad about it but she knew that I loved her so that's why I"m to upset about it.
Oh, you must have missed it anon, I posted this just before this entry came along.
Ante meridiem... Uncle Meridiem... all the little Meridiems...Summa cum laude. Magna cum laude. The radio's too laude. Me gustibus. You gustibus. We missed the bus. They missed the bus. When's the next bus?
WE HAVE UNKNOWN LATIN ANONS. QUICK! SOMEBODY DIAL IX-I-I!
Anyway, lookit: you guys, I'm not sure what you want or what you're trying to tell me, but I speak two languages: English and Hawaiian. Try either. I'd seriously love to know what you're getting at, but some days I don't have time to learn a whole new language. And to tell you the truth, I kinda had a feeling you weren't SS, because s/he seems to use one or two specific sites with really googlable phrases, and you're pretty much speaking actual Latin. Pretty sure that SS hasn't brushed up that much.
That aside, although we do tend to play different "characters" here and have lots of fun, in real life I'm not a she-wolf. Nor am I a warrior, faithless or otherwise; nor am I a housekeeper, a ninja, a crusader*, or any of that other stuff. I work, I dance, I write, I do Kung Fu, I keep house, I post poems and pictures and rants and "my ass" on a mystery blog. We're all just having fun here, yeah? And also talking to each other, helping each other out, and venting sometimes. It's just cool, that's all.
As for knowing who anybody is on this blog, even those of us who come here everyday and chat with each other, well that's all just a wild stab in the dark, isn't it? Which, incidentally, is what you'll be getting if you aren't on the up and up.
I like the mysteries and all. But context, yanno?
*Well, maybe just a little.
Goodnight silence.
Sweet Dreams Silence!
*HUG*
Tojours:
Don't depend on me for anything tonight :)
I'm in a glass case of emotion.
Kapunua will post now.
My grandmas are still alive. But when I was really young, 12, I sorta loved somebunny...You know, people say you can't when you're that young, but that's wrong, because to this day, I still cry about him. He was 13. My best friend in the whole wide world. He was hit by a train. He would have made it if he'd taken one more step. They found him in a ditch a couple hours after they reported him missing. The most awful part? It was literally 2 minutes away from my house. I hear the trains at night. And I miss him. Every single day. I cry about him every single day. I love him now...more than ever, but I'll never get that back, you know. That's the greatest pain I've ever felt. I can't listen to his song. I haven't seen his sister since I graduated elementary because it hurts that badly. All I can say is...If you love someone, let them know. Because then, they're gone, and you'll never stop reliving your last words to them.
SS baby,
It's late, and I'm tired, but I wanted to leave you a note. Maybe your day today was a good one; you need lots more of those, I believe.
Whenever you feel down, or lost, or defeated, think of me standing beside you, holding you and telling you how much I love you. And I hope that will be enough to make you smile, just a little, and give you enough strength to go on a little farther.
I'll be with you in spirit, as you are with me, with all of us. Its all about the love.
My heart to yours, always.
J
Uhh, okay, maybe this is a regional thing, but I figured everyone knew this. Perhaps not, though. But haven't you ever seen those crosses--literal crosses--on the side of the road? The memorial crosses?
Again, I can't help but take this literally, but maybe that's just me, just tonight.
Yep, I've seen 'em Kapunua.
Has he ever said how she died, like in interviews, for sure?
my dad was dying from this disease that was from his drinking problem, he only had a few days to live they said, and everyone was visiting him
but i couldnt, i still saw him as the man that choose alcohol over his family, the man that had town himself apart
it reminded me of how young and afraid i was
death dangles on a string....
Kapu - I've seen them around here a lot actually.
We're getting a lot of different takes on this blog, possibly one of the easiest posts to discuss from our Mayonaise.
-Amyranth
Lolita Haze that is sad I'm sorry to hear about that. God and to have a reminder like the one you have. I'm sorry.
it seems like mayos hesitant to seek his "other intrest"
Maybe it's not so nice to be discussing Grandmas and such, you know? I could be wrong, probably am, but it seems a bit like prying once in a while.
OTOH, I'm the one with the stiletto and the phone book, so, take from that what you will. ^_~
Lolita, I am very very sorry to hear about your friend! *HUG*
I don't know what I'd do if my best friend died. You are very strong to have gotten through it. The memories will remain.
OPJ, beautifully said.
Kapunua, I am taking it literally as well. But where does it mention crosses?
Maybe he tried to save her?
"I passed by yesterday and felt what could have been your hand. The scream, I won't let go."
"...and contemplate what could have been in those last moments. Did you let go knowing?"
It's a flashback.
Maybe it is about her. God be with her always.
BR, *HUG*
K- that is how I took it.
though if it is metaphorical it could be the "car crash" end of a relationship.
it sounds like a nightmare to me, one of those crazy ones that dont make sence, and always come back
bless her
Thanks, MJ. I switched rooms and sleep in my sandwich (pillow over ears) now so that I don't hear the trains. It's the anniversary of his death really soon. December 3rd. And I don't know what I'm gonna do.
Ugh. If this is the case, this is heartwrenching, whomever Mayo may be.
It really feels like a flashback. A spot right across from the gas station where it may have happened. As he's pumping gas, he relives her existence.
The candy? Maybe that was her favorite food. He could buy it because of the memories.
Thanks, PH.
All I can say is...If you love someone, let them know. Because then, they're gone, and you'll never stop reliving your last words to them.
Lolita - never truer words spoken!!
*Le sigh* Well, whatever. I just thought it was a little, I dunno, maybe a bit rude to be throwing that around. That's just my mana'o, though.
PPHXX, hey gal! In the title, m'dear. ^_^
i definalty belive its a flash back
Ergo:
A "car crash" relationship works as well.
Crazy metaphors could mean anything.
Lolita, you can get through it. I know you can, you are a very strong girl. Letting out some tears now and then doesn't help. No one expects you to ever get over that. *HUG*
bitter revenge said...
it seems like mayos hesitant to seek his "other intrest"
What other interest?
-Amyranth
I'm done talking about the post now. I don't feel comfortable talking about it, because you can tell this is way, way personal.
Mayo:
Whoever it is, they're still there. Know that.
Okay, getting back to this piece, I think the tense changes are a little jarring, but maybe Mayo did the tense changes on purpose to demonstrate the passage of a certain amount of time.
Could be wrong, though.
Ahh Kapunua, I didn't even let that register in my brain! *blushes*
lol.
I have a flashback of a girl I taught, always.
there is nothing I could have done,
I remember her and it affects me to the core,
tragically and wastefully taken by another.
I will write of her, when I find the words.
Thanks, ergo. I'm all messy faced now...Gotta wipe my eyes...I'll be back.
i feel alot of remorse, and guilt, from this
Kapunua said...
Maybe it's not so nice to be discussing Grandmas and such, you know? I could be wrong, probably am, but it seems a bit like prying once in a while.
Oh I don't know. Mayo is searching for answers and so are most of us.
Death is part of life. Can't live if you aren't gonna die. Death haunts us. It can be tragic or a sweet release. But it's always waiting. Not sure why you would think its a taboo subject. But then I'm in a fucking black mood so maybe I missed something.
Hey guys, finally caught up. This blog just moves too damn fast. having a depressing day. My dead gay ex-boyfriends's family had a tragedy last night. Their house burnt down and his younger brother died and his mother is in the hospital. This is the woman who called me after her son died (I was already married to another man and lived umpteen miles away) to ask me if I was doing okay. My heart hurts. Why do some people seem to get an inordiant amount of shit piled on them?
Lolita Haze maybe you can hold a memorial for you friend. If you can go back to the place than somewhere else you found special.
Maybe this isn't about a dead person but a fight that was had with someone. While pumping gas s/he saw something or had a random thought that made him/her think about this.
remeber the post a few posts back about him looking at things he had avoided
maybe he never delt with his grandmothers death, and its comming up now
maybe were all just reading too far into this
Carrie, I'm sorry to hear about that! *HUG*
Carrie are you alright.
Carrie:
I am so sorry to hear that. There are no words to express. It's such a shame for that to have happened. I hope she pulls through this. My thoughts are with you and their family. Let us know if you need anything or if you just want to talk. I'm here.
Thank you Paperheart for the hug. Your hug fu is strong, I feel better already.
Oh carrie that is just awful!!
It seems we all have tragedy that touches our lives and the lives of those we know.
Like elena said, it is ,unfortunately a part of life
Carrie, i do so hope your friend's mother is ok, not just now, but when the enormity of what happens hits her.
Why is always the question, but there is never an answer.
thanks you guys for the sympathy. You are so great. I love my virtual friends.
*sigh* a break up almost makes sence
Carrie, I try my hardest. I am here to try and make everyone feel better right now.
*HUG* for all!!
I know, I'm really worried about the mother. I'm not sure how badly she was burned, but really, this is the second son she's lost. I'm just afraid that if she has to fight for recovery she won't try too hard, even though she does have another child.
Hi Carrie. Sorry about that...
MarthaJones said...
Lolita Haze maybe you can hold a memorial for you friend. If you can go back to the place than somewhere else you found special.
Yeah. I'd like to do that. I just need to stop breaking down. People always say that death happens, and you need to let things go, but when you're 12, it just traumatizes you. So I just had my daily little breakdown, except that my nose started bleeding. Some things just don't get better, right?
We love you as well Carrie. If you need anything at all, please let one of us know. You know we are all here to listen.
My heart aches for them and for you as well.
. Not sure why you would think its a taboo subject.
Death is one of my favorite subjects and is not taboo at all. But something about the tone of "Well how did this dude's Gran die? When was it? What was it like?" seemed a little intrusive, that's all, no big deal." And I'm probably wrong in assuming that, too; it's just the way it seemed to me.
well im pretty sure that mayo is used to having his every word dicesected by the masses
Lolita, just scanned back to read your story, so sorry. I know how that is, to be haunted. My ex died almost 20 years ago and I still cry about it. Some people just touch you more than others, I guess.
Anyways, who pumps their own gas anymore? Seriously. ;)
I wonder when this was written. Or if it was actually written tonight, I wonder which time it describes.
No somethings don't get better. there is nothing that you can really say at a time like this without feeling a bit cliched. As far as breaking down sometimes that is what you need to do just to be able to move on to the next point.
i'm hopping back and forth and i just read your comment, carrie -- how awful. stay hopeful for her.
Lolita a memorial would be a great idea, but let the overwhelming grief go, as hard as it would be, I think he wouldn't like to know you are so sad.
Remember him but remember his life, not his death.
(easy to say, much harder to do)
Thanks Carrie and MJ. This really is a family. I've never been able to talk to anyone about this...So...While I'm getting all teary again, I just want to thank you soooo very very much. From the bottom of everything I've got. Thank you.
I know I don't pump my own gas, it's the one thing I insist on my husband doing. Yes, I know very well how to pump gas, but I just find the whole process...annoying. It's the one thing I'm a total "girl" about.
life is but a walking shadow, a poor player,
who frets and struts his hour upon stage,
never to be heard again. it is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing
shakespeare
Carrie and Lolita: I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. Hugs out to you. Hang in there.
Kapunua (this is going to sound weird) I love death talk. Not that I want to check out early, but it's always been one of my favorite subjects as well. I worked in a church for a number of years and have awful (but funny) stories about death.
Anyways, who pumps their own gas anymore?
*puts up hand*
Me!!
our service stations don't have service anymore, unless you find a small independently operated one.
It sucks, though I am very good at it now!
Well, I personally from the start thought that this was about someone, in this case Mayo, losing someone he loved. Not family, but a lady friend. He didn't want to let her go, but he thought it was for the best. For both of them.
maybe its a cross between metaphores and flashbacks, like going back and forth, as if we were in his mind while it was happening
This could be the death of a relationship, a friendship or of the image that was once held of someone.
"What could have been for you"
It could be that something was expected of this person and they didn't live up to that expectation.
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