A favorite...oh how I do love fire.
I Pity the Wind
Gerald Stern
I am taking off my glasses
so I can stare at the little candles
and the glass of water
in pure darkness.
I am letting a broom stand
for my speech on justice
and an old thin handkerchief
for the veil of melodrama I have worn for thirty years.
I am dragging in Euripides
for his strange prayer
and my own true Hosea
for his poem on love and loyalty.
After a minute I fall down dead
from too much thought
and turn to the freezing wall
for an hour of quiet sadness.
I start my practice later,
twenty minutes for breathing,
twenty minutes for song,
twenty minutes for liberation and ritual.
My poem is about the airshaft
and Zoroaster
and the soul caught in its last struggle
with the two-headed cow, father of everything.
My elation has something to do with light,
my misery with darkness,
my secrecy and fear and distance
with neither.
I end up with a pillow
and a painted floor, as I always do,
my head on the flowers, a little pocket for air,
my right arm drifting and dangling.
I end up just humming,
true to myself at last,
preparing myself for the bridge
and the hand that will lead me over, the hand I adore.
I pity this hero,
so in love with fire,
so warlike,
so bent on teaching.
p.s. I couldn't resist you and your agile fingers as they swept over my heart filling it with glory. To follow the mass, my own words prey.
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«Oldest ‹Older 2001 – 2176 of 2176Star,
You've found me out. Yes, my true purpose here is to liberate your closet whore. L says, "I was a blushing virgin angel when I met J., and now look at me!"
Pardon me while I dodge lightning bolts.
Ergo, you may certainly have the lovely dancing fingers at your disposal.
J.
yes anon, and about that joke onstage! Kapunua said to NOT TALK ABOUT IT, what part of that did you not get?? We don't want fangirls coming in here. Just leave it alone. We are fine. Promise.
star, as soon as i read your comment, i could see that scene, perfectly! :D
oh.
but apollo wears sandals, and mikey has said he would never wear sandals.
can our apollo wear uber-cool boots?
fiona said...
yes anon, and about that joke onstage! Kapunua said to NOT TALK ABOUT IT, what part of that did you not get?? We don't want fangirls coming in here. Just leave it alone. We are fine. Promise.
Quoted for emphasis. Pleasey pleasers?
-Amyranth
J,
I'm going to sharpie "closet whore" on my neck for the next show!
With our luck we would get the fangirls who think its disrespectful to talk about them as sex objects.
Toujours, yes certainly, Apollo can wear Dock Maarten's or any other footwear of his choice, along with his toga.
Be careful, Star, G may jump you. You know how he is about Sharpies.
J.
MarthaJones said...
With our luck we would get the fangirls who think its disrespectful to talk about them as sex objects
... you don't know much about fangirls do you?
Some of them are far too busy writing GerardxMikeyxFrank pr0n to worry about whether we're objectifying ANYTHING.
If anything, I'M going to get shit for that generalization.
-Amyranth is gonna come out swinging.
ooooh thank you J
but I will share, a bit, if I have to
Amyranth well there are some fans over at Bn who are upset about the Gerard has a big..... thread. They are fangirls from what I can tell They just claim not to like the sex stuff. I don't know if I would want the G/F/M porn writing ones either.
Anonymous, you're still here?
Hell, I agree with what Kapunua says.
Marthajones!
Wait... back up.. How'd we find out Gerard has a big...? I must have missed this somehow.
I'm still here, I'm just warning you. don't wanna see you guys falling over yourselves because he posted poems to some of you. Just stay tough.
L is leaving us for the night; she says goodnight, and needs to lay down because she has the vapors from our talk of being Mayo's harem girls. Add scantily-clad, oiled SS, and it's just all, well, let's just hope she remembers to shut her bedroom door. :P
I, however, shall remain to continue guiding Star down the garden path.
J.
Also you complain about the fangirls on BN! But think about the stuff you say in here about Frank. Don't have a double standard.
Star there is a thread on BN with pictures and video and they talk about Gerard's big....
anon i will ask again - do you know him?
J,
Well, thank Eros for that!
Goodnight, L!
anon, I'm waiting for the peeled grapes and milk bath
anyone can cut 'n paste a poem.
gimmie luxury.
EP is a lot tougher than you think
It doesn't matter.
Anonymous said...
Also you complain about the fangirls on BN! But think about the stuff you say in here about Frank. Don't have a double standard.
November 6, 2007 5:01 AM
We are not Fangirl all the time. We have no problem with fangirls in general. Just the way overzealous ones.
Anon, I'm not complaining about fangirls. Live and let live, I say. Furthermore, I haven't said anything nearly as raunchy as I could about Frank. And... If I ever happened to meet Frank. I'd giggle and tell him I've said lascivious things about him.
Goodnight OPs J&L.
You guys are talking about oiling up Frank and "eating" mikey. So don't complain about the BN fangirls. They don't do anything different than you guys.
Anonymous, just by saying "it doesn't matter," that to me says that you are answering yes to fimble's question. Yes, you may have to be tough on Mayo, but if you become too tough on him, it may possibly push him into denial.
Anon, You're right, we do go "fangirl" once in a while. We're girls and sometimes that shit happens. We also talk about a plethora of other subjects. And, it's nice when Mayo acknowledges/notices us once in a while. Most of the time I think it's a one-sided conversation.
Anonymous said...
Also you complain about the fangirls on BN! But think about the stuff you say in here about Frank. Don't have a double standard.
I complain about fangirls because a lot of them are borderline. I'll leave it at that. I've had nothing to say about Frank, so I have no double standard to worry about.
We're having a good time around here, it's all in fun so join in. Otherwise, quit pissin on our parade.
-Amyranth
Anonymous said...
It doesn't matter.
November 6, 2007 5:04 AM
anon if this was to my question then i thank you for answering. its always polite to answer a question so thank you.
can i ask another question please
how did you find out about this blog?
MarthaJones said...
Star there is a thread on BN with pictures and video and they talk about Gerard's big....
Toe? I know. It's SO in the way.
I don't know how he walks, with toes like that.
-Amyranth
Yes they do. We don't always talk about them like that and we also allow others to have their own opinions. Most of the fangirls I have come across on Bn wouldn't let you have an opinion that isn't that they are perfect and we don't get OMG its name band member
You don't like it you don't have to read it.
anon, we are women, why do you think Sex in the City was popular, because men don't have a monopoly on sex talk!
Plus to me the fangirl stuff I dislike is all the OMGZ GEEE stuff.
heck they are attractive guys!
And we don't do all that porn stuff.
Out of every group of fans you are the one group he comes back to. You have the biggest chance to make a DIFFERENCE in this one life!!! you know its messed up. Once you start to turn into fangirls because they are Oh So Hot you'll be just like every one else. Kapuna has been ripping Gerard a new one every few days. Maybe some of you area also getting through his stubborn-ness. But if you all start to be fangirly just because he is nice to you, it will end. Don't talk about the stupdi fangirls on BN and then go back to this blog and be the same kind of fangirls. Bite sized, getting Frank naked, talking about eating them, all of that. It's a double standard. If you say you are better than that then BE better.
Some of you here are still going against what is happening in the band and you NEED to keep doing that. Once you start fangirling over Gerard because he wrote you some poems he will walk all over you. And you will lose the battle and then it will spiral out of control.
What is BN?
Since when do fangirls talk about oiling up Frank and "eating" Mikey? Most of them don't even know what sex is.
We call it "blowing off steam", thank you. Some of the things we have to put up with--or some of the people--really grind our nerves.
J.
If he is holding his hand out to yo udon't push it away. But dont get on your knees and kiss it either. You walk a fine line with Gerard Way. Do the right thing and you could save a life.
Anonymous, you do NOT speak for the rest of us here.
anon. how did you know about these blogs?
"Since when do fangirls talk about oiling up Frank and "eating" Mikey?"
Don't be stupid,that is EXACTLY how all fangirls treat these guys on the internet and off it. Just because you KNOW abotu sex you think you are above those? You are not, you're being just as cheap as the people you claim to get away from.
Like I said Gerard needs this. he needs YOU. Don't fangirl over him because he starts to be nice. You will screw him over as well as make yourself look cheap and no better than the fangirls all over the internet.
Keep up the challange. God knows his wife isn't doing any good.
What makes you think that every one of us here will "swoon" over what Mayo writes and posts?
ANON all of us at one time or another have told Mayo he's a jack ass. We have pointed out things in this life that are in need of repair. But you know you can't pound on someone 24/7. He has to understand we are tough on him because we care. Just ragging on someone constantly isn't good. Hey ....
IT'S TOUGH LOVE HERE, BABY
Anon, just because we talk "fun size" does not mean that we are in cahoots with the whole MCR/MSI debauchle. Our principles have not changed. I think the guys are attractive. They are, But that does not mean I will follow them blindly into the abyss. I have a brain and I will bust some balls when needed. I don't always choose to do so here.
look anon, I'm sure the guy has a sense of humour
- see I'm a dirty man blog
perhaps he likes a laugh, maybe he pays a little more attention to the criticism
"a spoonful of sugar...."
Anonymous said...
Out of every group of fans you are the one group he comes back to. You have the biggest chance to make a DIFFERENCE in this one life!!!
There is only SO MUCH that ANY of us can do. Do you honestly think there is a SINGLE person on this planet that doesn't take info from the internet with a grain of salt?
I hardly believe we're the bible to live by. We can't harass him all the time about his life, his romances and the way he lives, because we would eventually turn him away, don't you think?
The last thing I want is for Mayo to feel like he's tied to the whipping post every time he comes here. How soon do you think it would be before he started ignoring us completely?
-Amyranth
Star Bn=buzznet.
Anon we haven't stopped doing what we came here for but sometimes you just need to take a break of some sort. Constantly being at odds with Mayo and trying to beat him down verbally can get to you. That is why Bh13 only shows up once in a while. She couldn't take it anymore. Yes sometimes we may get out of hand and it maybe a double stander but we are not going to forget why we are here. We are not going to kiss his ass.
Anonymous,
I don't know just how familiar you are with this blog, but fangirling doesn't occur very often, as Jennicula stated. Most of the time, it's pretty gut wrenching and angst filled. You need only scroll up to see responses to what happened earlier today in regard to the poem that was posted, and the numerous people who were genuinely concerned for Mayo or SS.
I have not been the recipient of Mayo's favor, so I can't respond to that. Nor, have I ever "ripped him a new one" because of his behavior. I like him as a person, or the person I have come to know on this blog and am only here to lend support. Tough love isn't my bag. Telling me I am participating in a double standard is unfair.
Anonymous, please do not refer to all of us as fangirls. Yes, Gerard and the rest of the girls may be good looking, but not everyone talks about "eating" them or what not. Don't judge us.
Dammit, did I just say girls? I meant guys! XD
Ok, Anonymous, I've had it with you.
Have you read any of the other comments we have all made throughout the summer to Mayo? Have you read them TODAY? We were all flipping out because we thought he was dead. Have you read any of L's posts to him? More times than not, she's given him the "Tough Love" speech. She means every word of it.
We all care about Gerard. We want him to be well, and happy, and safe. And clean. And yes, sometimes we get a little crazy and have to talk about something else. It helps to keep us sane. If we didn't do this occasionally, we would be leaving here in droves because of the pressure. More often than not, we are all here saying, "Don't hurt yourself, go to rehab, get it together. Get help!"
Believe me, we're not just fucking around. We're here to save a life.
J.
Hey J.,
See what happens when you get me to talk dirty about Frank?!
Thank you OP.
Star, once you've gone dirty, it's all downhill from there.
You're welcome, BC.
Star, doesn't it feel good?
J.
Gee, I wonder where the anon poster went? I appreciate what you are saying, but please, give us a break. Do not prejudge us by calling all of us fangirls. We are not.
Jennicula,
Give me the Scarlet F, oh, I mean A!
cheers op.
can i add from my point of view that we are here to support mayo/gerard but we have also become like a little family and in some ways i think he likes it becuase yes he gets tough love but he also sees that other people have lives and that they have problems just like him. like a certain person said, they get to know the personalities in here and they like it. they can get away from their demons and read about other peoples demons and we all help each other out.
i can honestly say we are not fangirls we accept anyone who shows respect to the fellow bloggers.
and i really do hate it when people dont answer damn bloody questions ok ANON
So that's where you are fimble. I was looking for you at my blog! ^_^
You sneak! Lol
Yeah, J, it's good!!
Very true, FS.
Star - you closet whore! :)
That's me, Jennicula!
i am back at your house bc
L., who stuck around for a little when the ugly anon was talking, just wants to know if she still gets her chiffon outfit.
I told her yes. But only if Mayo agrees to put it on her himself. :)
HEY ANON! HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?
J.
Where did everyone go?
Argh! That Anon really bothered me. I mean, a number of people have truly opened up their heart and souls on this blog for Mayo. We're a pretty tight little family. I think I'm actually insulted. I don't kiss anybody's ass, let alone a virtual ass. I don't give a shit who you are. Most things just roll off my back, but has really gotten my back up. I'm completely bent about this...
I need to go smoke a cigarette. I'll be back.
hey martha i am here but lurking how are you
Hey there martha. I'm still here, just going back and forth from here to my blog. So anon decided to leave us then?
looks like it bc looks like it
you get me
I'm fine how about you fs. The anon didn't bother me that much. I think s/he mean well. It seems that person may now Gerard and believes that Mayo is him and wants to help him.
But the anon needs to understand that we have to blow off steam some how and the dirty talk seems to be the only way.
Ha, Jennicula, that's just what I did. I don't kiss anyone's ass here , but I never get confrontational in the "tough love" sense either. I believe in the whole "more flies with honey than vinegar" adage and approach, because I've seen it work. But, yeah.
And I can't believe Mayo's trolling his blog to pick up chicks in the first place.
And one last thing, I'm too old and too married to fuck any of them.
There, I'm better now. Ah, nicotine, my soothing evil friend.
i was just annoyed he didnt answer my question but hey wat can you do. i aint bothered anymore. just wondering were every1 went?
Well,
I'm gonna have a FUN SIZE SNICKERS and head off to dreamland.
Goodnight all!
jen - ditto, but hey I have an imagination
Once again where is everybody? You have gone away again.
whoa. i wandered away for just a tiny bit and when i get back i find an anon has been here getting everyone's dander up.
i do think they meant well, but we all have different styles here. we can't all be "tough love" -- some of us approach giving support to someone in trouble in a different way.
the important thing is that we all be truly ourselves here, and whatever help we can give -- whether it be to mayo or to each other -- we do so.
Night star have sweet dreams.
Nite Star - Sweet Dreams
J. will return shortly. She is adjusting her drug usage. Or in other terms, changing her insulin cartridge in her pump. :)
(She's been Type 1 diabetic since she was seven. )
I am going to bed now, really. Goodnight all, love to you!
Except you, Anon. You I don't like.
L.
Goodnight Star: have "fun sized" day tomorrow.
goodnight everyone in mayos house. sweet dreams
good night anon i hope you have sweet dreams to.
and last but not least goodnight mayo. i hope you have sweet dreams and tat the light becomes brighter when you awake.
goodnight all
I'm still here.
night night star. sweet dreams.
Good night original punks. Sweet dreams to both you and J :)
Good night OPs L&J
Hello Martha, I'm still here. Looking for the meaning of life. No wait I know that one - 42
Good night Fs have sweet dreams.
Good night Fimble and OPs.
good night everyone -- i won't take offense at the mass exodus just as i return because i did take a shower today...
Goodnight Star and Fimble Star!
Talk to you later,
Love,
L. and J.
Nite Fimble Nite J (I love how you didn't say goodnight to ANON)
Good night all you guys have sweet dreams.
Goodnight Mayo,SS and that anon.
Toujours - Don't worry we all would love ya even if you didn't shower.
Good night Squeak Squeak. I'm sorry that we didn't get to talk today :(
Hey all, I'm still here. It's L that's gone to bed, that slacker.
Elena, I said all I needed to say to Anon. "Goodnight" didn't seem appropriate somehow.
J.
oh, elena, that makes so relieved to know that! lol
it was a busy day wasn't it, bc?
but i'll be back tomorrow, of course.
see you guys later!
toujours said...
i do think they meant well, but we all have different styles here. we can't all be "tough love" -- some of us approach giving support to someone in trouble in a different way.
Tough love isn't really my style. I'm more the "Don't do that! Do it and it's gonna hurt! See! Told you! Don't do it!" type.
The only tough love I dish out is to my staff, but that's because I have to use Bondage to get my point across.
-Amyranth is oiling her whip.
And I'm sure they love you for it, Amyranth. Now all you need are Sister Midnite's boots and you'll have the whole bondage ensemble.
J.
Night night, Squeak squeak *hugs*
Night Toujours!
I'm glad we ended the day on a better feeling that we started it.
Love you
J.
-Amyranth is oiling her whip.
amyranth is scary.
lol
one last thing, to the blogmaster himself:
hope today's a truly good day for you, mayo, i really do!
good night everyone!
*blows kisses*
Original Punks said...
And I'm sure they love you for it, Amyranth. Now all you need are Sister Midnite's boots and you'll have the whole bondage ensemble.
Oh, I got the boots. First thing I bought. You can't be a good mistress without 7 inch heels.
But, I would be more than pleased of she'd come to work with me. Unfortunately, the eyes for the back of my head haven't arrived yet.
-Amyranth
Stop all the clocks
Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone.
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum,
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.
Let the airplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message "He is dead".
Put great bows around the white necks of the public doves. Let traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.
He was my north, my south, my east, and west,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song.
I thought that love would last forever. I was wrong.
The stars are not wanted now, put out every one.
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun.
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.
— W. H. Auden
P.S. Interpret this poem however you may like, but it feels as if your light is fading as you drown in a pool deceit. You look unhappy and uncertain of your fate. Perhaps, in the past the fight against your old demons were victorious, but now it seems as if you've lost a grip on reality and the old demons have won.
Your life has turned into a web a lies and now my only concern is, is too late to pull yourself out of this mess?
Or perhaps, by placing that last nail (your enabler) on your coffin, you may have already sealed your fate.
I do believe i just missed some shit go down with an anon?
Never mind that, anon, I understand exactly what you mean, how some people are thinking they are better than those at INO and those other fan forums and then they go and talk about the same stuff only without the OMGZZZ in front of it.
But ya know, everyone's allowed to talk about what they want on here. The internet is all about free speech (and in some places porn... not that this has anything to do with anything...) and so people can voice their opinion.
Also, we aren't sure who the author of this blog is.
It could be some 13 year old using a good thesaurus and a bunch of books. Or it could be who everyone is thinking it is. But we don't know for certain who it is, so we can only do so much. Because everyone here could be getting strung along.
Now that i've put my 2 cents in, I will go back to lurking.
night all who left!
I'm here, just tutoring.
btw DON"T check that e mail response box
It gives you every comment ! I had 44 emails!
I did it by accident and din't realise
Black Jacket said...
Because everyone here could be getting strung along.
Thank you!
-Amyranth
Any time ^_^
ANON - "Funeral Blues" am excellent poem, for sure. I don't think much interpretation is needed. Your own words clearly state your feelings.
Shitsubou, my precious,
I hope you're able to read this at some point. I've missed you today, through all the craziness and worry. Your reassuring presence is always welcome. I, for one, want you back here safe with us.
If you wrote that "pome" from this AM, all I can say is, please reconsider. Whatever the reason you feel you have to say goodbye, let me tell you up front that it can't be any stronger than the reasons you should stay.
I know you want to stay here. You've said it yourself, you enjoy the conversations; you're learning our personalities; you laugh with us, and at us. And we let you. Do the other people in your life give you that much?
If that was your post today, I see you've told us you'll be watching. At least I know that much, I can gain a little comfort from that much. I've come to care so much for you; it feels as if I've known you for my entire life. (Sorry, I may get a little corny here.) You have the kindest, sweetest, most forgiving nature of anyone I know. That is a rarity. Mayo is truly blessed by your friendship.
We've taught each other some things over the summer: perseverance, determination, loyalty, trust, respect, honesty--and LOVE. I think we've learned to say "I love you" and not be ashamed or embarrassed about it. I know I can say it more freely to those I care about since being here.
So, I'm gonna say it. Shitsubou, I love you. With all my heart, soul, and mind. You are a grand person. I feel honored to know you--whoever you truly are.
You know, if you like, we have an open position for "lusty, scantily-clad servant boy" in our harem. Just in case it doesn't work out with Frank. How do you feel about being oiled, and shiny? ;)
Anyway, I've said my piece. It's not goodbye, it's come on back. You're always welcome, in any guise. True Colors, you know?
Pactum Serva.
Its all about the love, my baby.
Remember that.
My heart to yours, always.
J.
A slime approaches!
...Or just some lurker. Hi Mayo, hi folks.
I've been reading this blog and its perpetual comments for a good while, now, and although I have no idea what's going on half the time, most of what I have managed to read has been pretty entertaining. Just wanted to say thank you, I guess, to all and sundry, for giving me grins aplenty (and the occasional El Oh El, even).
So... thank you.
Alright, time for me and my leave to leave. Or is that tree? I don't remember.
Mayo, feel free to indulge us with a post, but please not while I'm at work. I miss all the fun when you do that, then I have to spend most of my evening catching up. Think of the lovely Canadians!
Also, no more poems that sound like you're leaving. I hate goodbyes, but Goodnights mean you might still be there in the morning.
Also, that you won't wet the bed.
Sweet Dreams everyone! Lay off the oil!
-Amyranth
Good morning Mayo.
It seems I am the only one here, I shall take advantage of that situation.
Confession time; I'm in that place now, ready to bare my soul.
Once upon a time I fell in love with the most fucked up human being. A man who had no idea of how to exist, let alone live. His days were a blur of nothingness, dulled by drink. Was he an alchoholic? Define alchoholic. I can't answer that one.
Well 8 years and a child down the line he decided that we were no longer to be, he couldn't live with me any longer.
Now here's the kicker.
He has jumped from woman to woman, fathering children here, there and everywhere but where does he go in a crisis?
Yeah, you've got it.
I'm the one that gets the 2am phone calls and the messages from his family who are freaking out because he has disappeared from the face of the earth and I'm the only one he will talk to.
But the real secret is this...
I still love him.
He left me, I didn't leave him.
And there will be people here who will scream at me because of it, and I am fully aware of the damage he is capable of , but you love who you love.
So I don't rightly know why you need to hear this, or maybe I do.
Just know that even human wrecks are loved.
Be safe.
TTFN
Hello to all,
Just wanted to say, I took a long shot at interpreting mayonaise's poem, so I will be posting a long ass post.
It is way....too long with his poem included, so my blog contains the whole shebang, if interested.
Anyway,hope everyone is well.
`sc
Mayonaise,
I sat down last night, looked at your poem, and thought I might take a shot at it.
My interpretation starts at the beginning of the poem and follows through to the end.
Here it goes
Well, you appear drawn to the powerful fire and its flames. Like you, it is intense and burns brightly with a passion that engulfs all in its path; friend or foe. You might be amazed, that people still find you mesmerizing, even when you destroy. You seem to pity the wind (others) because it just enables the fire and does not get to live within the ring.
Presently you seem to be taking the time to remove your shield, perhaps to take a closer look, admire the beauty of the simple things in life; water (pure and live giving)
That said, you remain steadfast in your original vision of fairness and acceptance for all. Now, you may deal with the drama in your life in more subtle ways than in dramatic fashion, as you have always done.
You possibly see the similarity of you and the prophet, Zoroaster? In that, you like to provoke others to seeing your point of view and when angry, selfishly not wanting anyone to be too happy in your presence. Also, you recognize everyone’s struggle to live the truth or live a lie.
You are reluctantly acknowledging and admiring the strong women that surround you (secretly you love it) but not for them to tell you what to do. (laughs)
I just hope,if you are referring to the actual Prophet, that you did not actually do, what God instructed him to. I would find that very amusing. In addition, you acknowledge your own higher power, remembering the lessons from earlier days.
Damn, at times it is all so exhausting for you. Possibly, you turn away from everyone, even those that offer warmth, to face this alone, in solitude. It might confuse the ones that care for you and this part makes you sad.
Despite that, duties and obligations call. It is a ritual that you know well and press on no matter what you feel.
Professionally you are at a crossroads and at times think you are living in a movie featuring the extremes of life, sin versus virtue. Still, it is a good life with many great experiences and friendships, but what it fully offers, may not be in your best interest.
Damn it, you worked hard to get here and deserve it all, but possibly, caught in the middle of wanting both worlds. Which example to follow; end it now or keep plugging along and hope the best gets better?
This leads to… you are optimistic in the beginning but somehow things get turned around, shit happens. This is frustrating; however, your distance has nothing to do with friends or being afraid. You have not figured it all out yet.
Now, the future is on your mind, some nights you end up not sleeping, only wanting comfort but thinking of the illusions before you. Talking to yourself, you are able to admit quietly, sh…all your strengths and weaknesses. Yet,you are preparing to commit to a solid plan for a real life, hopefully with the one you love.
Reflecting, you seem to acknowledge someone, possibly a part of you, which sometimes you do not like. Someone who conquers whatever they choose, no matter what or who is in the way, casually replying, “The end justifies the means.”
At the end, something calls to you….perhaps here. A bittersweet feeling overcomes you, and just like everyone, your words are heartfelt.
Regards to you and your will,
`sc
Wow, you're clever to figure that out.
English was always my worst subject at school.
But now it makes a whole bunch of sense.
hello all!
wow! soulconnector that was really well interpreted, better than i could ever do.
whoever mayo is he picked a good poem there, that perfectly describes gerard way. i wonder how long he had to hunt around to find that poem with so many bits that relate?? thanks for that.
i've not had chance to catch up but i just wanted to say to GS, it made me sad to read your last comment. you take care and keep strong, you seem the strong type but i know how hard it can be to have the weight of some one relying on you so much. and its a bitch aint it, you can't choose who you fall in love with. hope you have a good day.
and that applies to everyone here, hope you all have a good day.
im confused, someone said that gerard quoted kapunua at a show? am i wrong? what did he say? what was the quote? Im very curious.
Hello everyone, hope everyone is ok this morning. (morning for me)
oh i don't know exactly but i did read a comment about it. something like he was standing and posing with his back to the crowd and spotlight on him and he said something like here you all are with me or something like that and my ass!
probably nothing to do with kapunua but god i know we all so wish it was!!
probably misquoted half of that but the "my ass" bit is correct!
Anon, we don't *fangirl* over here. We make jokes to pass the time.
I made comments about Mikey in chaps because it was getting too serious in here and I thought it would be nice to have a little laugh. I don't even find Mikey all that attractive.
Human beings ARE allowed to have a little fun.
im confused, someone said that gerard quoted kapunua at a show? am i wrong? what did he say? what was the quote? Im very curious.
Hello everyone, hope everyone is ok this morning. (morning for me)
He said something about "my ass". But Gerard's ass is hardly a stranger to stage talk, so I don't think it's anything to do with this blog or anyone posting on it.
haha you know what i just figured it out i just watched that clip on you tube hahaaha oh im slightly dissapointed now haha.
But whilst on you tube i found this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LC6Q1iIm4dQ
its from the maxwells show. Its so close up too.
I watched this and i got shivers throughout my body, its so beautiful and melancholy, to say i wasnt keen on this song to begin with i have really grown to love it an awful lot
Remember someone recently told you all that the game was called "Divide & Conquer"? What do you think he is doing to your little group when he singles 2 of you out? First, we have sdock10: someone he keeps in his back pocket. Always there telling him that he is not alone, an enabler. Second, we have Kapunua: someone he admires from a distance. Always the one calling him out, challenging him. Don't let him do this. Don't lose your group dynamic because that is the only way you can help him. You can't do it individually so you must refocus and regroup.
I know you all are smarter than him, so show him.
Hey Mayo!
Good morning. How are you today?
Last night my mom ordered chinese. I think that my fortune was directed at you. It said "Someone is waiting for you to praise them." =] I don't plan on praising you though, Mayo. There is nothing to praise over right now. Give it a day or two and MAYBE I will.
Are you doing anything fun today? I just have school and then I think that I'm going to go to this book store and buy the first two editions of The Umbrella Academy! =] Have you read it Mayo? If so, how about a little review for dear old Paperheart?! Anyway, Mayo, keep strong today, don't let anyone bring you down.
Rawr.
Love;
-007
Anon, are you sure that he is actually trying to "conquer and divide"?
Think about it. Singling people out causes division.
That's really all there is to say about it.
True..
I don't even know what to say. I don't want Mayo to do this, I'm sure no one wants that.
I am on to you, Mayo.
Anon, in case you haven't noticed, we are not divided. We are still a group. Singling out a few people doesn't change that. I think it brings us more together.
SS thank you for being here. You are a true friend.
Vulgare amici nomen, sed rara est fides.
Good Morning Mayo,
Good Morning SS,
Good Morning All,
How's everyone doing this beautiful Tuesday? Me? Ambivalent is my word of the day. It's all around me and I shall soak it all up through a straw. It goes down so smoothly. All the flavors jump on my tongue...it brings all my senses to life and I feel invigorated. I do not feel much like searching for my own answers today...not much point. Tomorrow, there will be a whole new set of questions anyway.
I offer you this today:
Further On Up the Road
Where the road is dark and the seed is sowed
Where the gun is cocked and the bullet's cold
Where the miles are marked in the blood and gold
I'll meet you further on up the road
Got on my dead man's suit and my smilin' skull ring
My lucky graveyard boots and song to sing
I got a song to sing, keep me out of the cold
And I'll meet you further on up the road.
Further on up the road
Further on up the road
Where the way dark and the night is cold
One sunny mornin' we'll rise I know
And I'll meet you further on up the road.
Now I been out in the desert, just doin' my time
Searchin' through the dust, lookin' for a sign
If there's a light up ahead well brother I don't know
But I got this fever burnin' in my soul
So let's take the good times as they go
And I'll meet you further on up the road
Further on up the road
Further on up the road
Further on up the road
Further on up the road
One sunny mornin' we'll rise I know
And I'll meet you further on up the road
One sunny mornin' we'll rise I know
And I'll meet you further on up the road.
Lock and load, Motherfucker.
The great thing about feeling this alive is knowing that it could all change in a blink. You open your eyes and you think it's a dream. Everyone is dead and everything you love has been burnt to the ground. What the fuck happened? And then you remember...it all comes back to you in flashes. You look down and you see that your holding a match in one hand and a pistol in the other....both still smoking.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. Your cold bullet or my own?
But Gerard's ass is hardly a stranger to stage talk
resurrected wreck, that gave me my first laugh of the day. thank you!
can't stay. must work. :(
but hope everyone has a lovely day, or at least finds a moment of pure loveliness within the day. i'll be looking for mine, to be sure.
see you all later!
Courting serious trouble here posting real quick from work but had to say it anyway. Mayo, I'm sorry it took me so long but I really did forget that I posted that poem. Not only did you know that I wrote it, but you got it. Thank you for that and I'm sorry that all got cheapened with remarks and accusations last night. I'll probably be yelling at you again later but for now, thank you.
I think we should consider what this Anon is trying to say. It seems to add up.
Anon, thank you for taking the time to write. Have you posted here previously? Your writing style seems familiar.
We will always stay together. Mayo cannot stop that.
I am no stranger to this blog.
oy! that means you too, mayo!
keep your eyes peeled!
you never know when the magic in the world is going to pop up and make you gasp with the beauty of it.
so. keep. looking. :)
and again: au revoir, my friends!
Has anyone translated this?
Location: Adsum, amice
I am(with you, nearby, present), friends
I just melted inside. He has such an amazing heart. Good to hear from him after the scare yesterday. I've said this so many times in the past, but even a single sentance from him fills me with hope and confidence.
Much love to you, SS. Thank you once again.
Well, we have the prophet and the protagonist………now all we need Mayo, is a poem for the princess.
That would be WAY sweet. We like to be singled out don’t we Mayo, because we like attention. The Princess and the Queen. We like that shit don’t we? Fuck yeah we do.
Sorry, just had to do that.
So I see there are some questions about the real intentions of our dear sweet Mayo and his fondness for certain people here. I have no doubt that he likes us. He hasn’t been downright nasty has he? He’s allowed us to keep coming back. I also have no doubt that he likes to sit back and watch how it all unfolds every time he clicks the post button. We’re very entertaining, I’m sure. Is he playing a game with us? I don’t know. If he is, will he win? If he does win, what’s the prize? Just the cold and empty feeling that comes from hurting innocent people.
Thing about it is, I’m not even sure if he cares about the real reason I come back here time after time.
Mayo, Mayo, Mayo, if you only knew.
P.S. – Still the puppet master, eh?
P.S.S. - Hi SS!!
SS,
How are you today? I'm feeling like someone should adjust my televison set. Everything is blurry and out of focus. Can you help me get it fine tuned?
...Faith
Always,
S
capture this void (not logged in) said...
I think we should consider what this Anon is trying to say. It seems to add up.
Please be aware, the Anon that has been addressing you is not SS.
"A thousand people cannot convince one by words to the extent that one person can convince a thousand by action."
Hello to everyone this morning/afternoon/evening!
S&V, I don't have a poem for you this morning (I know it wouldn't mean a heck of alot coming from me anyway *wink*) but, I do have a song for everyone. Please forgive me if I sing off key ;-)
*clears throat*
"It's just like him
To wander off in the evergreen park
Slowly searching for any sign
Of the ones he used to love..
He says he's got nothing left to live for
(He says he's got nothing left...)
And this time I think you'll know..
You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell
She's just like him
Spoiled rotten
Confused by the lies she's been fed
And she's searching for no one..
(But herself)
Her eyes turn to green and she seems to be happy
That she is here
And this time I think you'll know...
You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell
You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
(There is more to know)
We're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
You will live to tell..
(So tell me)
You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
You can make it out
(Make it out)
You will live to tell
(Live to tell)
You're not alone
There is more to this, I know
(And I know)
You can make it out
You will live to tell..
You are not alone.
You're not, you're not alone."
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
a special Thank You to SAOSIN.
I really, really like them!
Anonymous said...
"A thousand people cannot convince one by words to the extent that one person can convince a thousand by action."
Some don't believe what they hear or see....
...and some just believe.
Zoroaster is a an ancient religion that Sumerian's worshiped where they believed in an evil God, and a good God.
Euripedes is a Greek god that i believe married his mother and killed his father.
just remembered that but i doubt it had a real meaning in Mayo's poem
SS, I am the anon who thanked you and also atteempted to translate your Latin. I apologize if I caused confusion. Hopefully you were addressing the Divide and Conquer anon.
Euripides was a Greek playwright actually.
Oedipus was the one who killed his father and married his mother.
Atteempted=attempted
Now you know why I remain anonymous.
no worries anon. I always mess up my spelling and I have an English degree!
Uh, i see. Getting my Greek stuff all mixed up now.
Everyone makes mistakes, anon
No worries, Gel. I only know it because I studied Greek myth for 4 years.
I typed the word "of" the other day on here. Gerard used the word "of" last night. GERARD IS GIVING ME A SIGN.
Anonymous said...
I typed the word "of" the other day on here. Gerard used the word "of" last night. GERARD IS GIVING ME A SIGN.
Who's Gerard?
haha ok THAT ^^ was funny
hello all!
hope we are all having a fun filled day??
erm nothing much to say i guess just the same as all the rest i've been trying to throw my arms around the world.
sorry bono just came out of my brain unannounced! get back in there little irish man! fuck! sorry guys, mad moment!
anon 4.23
if you're kidding or not either way fuckin funny!
Anonymous said...
I am(with you, nearby, present), friends.
Mayo, if that's you, good morning.
Nice to know you haven't been singing hymns for the dead.
I don't have a poem for you, unfortunately I can't think of anything I'd enjoy that you'd partake of as well.
The only thing that I have to give you are words of my own strength. It's like a macaroni card, I worked hard and I'm so proud, but you might still just pat me on the head and put it in a drawer somewhere.
If you're leaving, if you ever WANT to leave, for fuck's sake tell us.
Keep in mind that even if you go, we'll look for you. Some of us are strong in Google-fu and we may find you again. You will never be fully rid of any of us. Not for a very long time.
I acknowledge that I may be fighting an uphill battle. I know as well as anyone that you might not be who speculation assumes you to be. I also know that to me, it doesn't matter if you're 30 and famous, or 15 and scared, sitting behind a computer screen typing because there's no other way to get any emotions out.
I don't care whether I'm on the wrong field, playing for the wrong team, or fighting for the wrong empire. I feel like I'm helping, and no matter how useless my words are to you they are my power.
-Amyranth
Dvide & Conquer Anon,
I hear you. Loudly and Clearly! Interesting concept you have handed us to chew up and spit out.
Do you think we're that naive? Probably.
...but
Right now, I'm not much giving a fuck.
Carry on, carry on....
I'll continue to do what I do and do it just the way I fucking want to....
Keep watching this shit, it's bound to get so much better.
I'm not as weak and pathetic as you might think.
Forever,
S
p.s. I am all that I am. Take the parts you can use and leave the rest of the shit for the other bottom feeders.
Hi everyone! Oh damn, those comments last night were hilarious.
Anon had a good point and thank you for coming here, but as you can see we all like to have a little fun. It helps us to smile a bit in the midst of all this seriousness. However I have to say FF2007 was the best!
I am still confused about the last couple of anons. Are you here SS?
P.S. Anon, and by "good point" it just means I'm trying to be nice.
Amyranth, that was the translation of SS's Latin.
Hi Faraway, Magic Pie, SDock, and Amyranth.
How is everyone?
hello Anima, you lovely minx!!!
Hi guys,
How is everyone? I'm at work, so I'll be in and out.
anima, I agree FF2007 was the best.
Same with me, SDock. I'm also in and out at work.
Magic Pie! I love you.
So what is going on? I just read the comments about dividing us. No fucking way!
And SS, happy to see you are still with us. :)
Me three. In and out of working.
I hope this lasts through 2008 so we can have the first FF2008. :)
Anonymous said...
Amyranth, that was the translation of SS's Latin.
I never was good at latin.
-Amyranth
Not much is going on actually. Just a few anons and such.
yeh fuck fest was so funny! and even i got to be involved for a bit. is anyone who's going to the uk shows taking a king/queen of fuck fest 2007 for frankie/gerard??
Speaking of working...I need to get some shite done.
Be back soon.
Hello kiddies! How's every little thing? I'm just here for a moment, will be back later.
Hello SS, glad to know you're with us in spirit. Kisses to you.
I wanted to post L's entry from our blog here, Mayo, so you wouldn't have to go all the way over there to read it. Because I think you do. So, here it is. (Don't tell L I did this. She's asleep right now anyway, but still. Just our little secret, hmm?)
"Sooner or Later You'll Have to Face 'The Big Light'"
Considering some recent talk J. has convinced me to write about my own experience with depression and alcohol. It's not something well known about me, not even in my family.
Years ago, when I was 26, I had been on my own in my first apartment for 4 years. I managed, like most people, living off ramen noodles and green beans. I was a vegetarian, so I at least didn't spend money on meat.
I hurt my lower back moving furniture one day and wound up in the hospital for bulged discs. After a few weeks, I was able to go back to work, but still in a lot of pain. The pain pills were not cutting it, and the prescription had run out.
Around this time, I realized I could not live on the income I was bringing in versus my bills, and being out of work and missing days here and there was not helping. I found what I originally thought to be the cure-all.
Vodka.
I could drink as much as I wanted, and no one could smell it on my breath. It numbed not only the pain from my back, but the depression from money troubles. I felt like the biggest failure, and I did not want to admit it to anyone, especially my parents. They have always believed in me, always expected so much more out of me, and I felt like I was letting them down. So the more depressed I became, the more I drank.
This went on for a while, and I hid it pretty well. Eventually, though, J. (who I have NEVER been able to fool) realized what was going on. She talked to me, but I didn't want to listen. So I didn't.
A few weeks later I was completely wasted in my apartment in Chattanooga, and ran out of Vodka. Even in that state, I didn't think it was a good idea to drive. So I called J. I tried in vain to get her to go get more drink, and when she refused I became angry and decided I was just "going to go get on the MARTA" and find some. (The MARTA is the subway system in Atlanta.)
J. talked me into staying where I was only by promising to bring over some more Vodka. I stayed put, and she got there about 5 minutes later. What followed was one of the most painful, powerful and tearsome fights we have ever got into. She informed me I was going to the doctor, that she did not care what I thought, it was OVER!
After a very long night, I agreed to get help. I was treated for depression and alcohol abuse, and took 4 months off to figure out what I was going to do next. I moved in with my parents after my treatment, and to this day, they only know about the depression. I moved out 4 months later and went back to Chattanooga, and have been on the mend since.
J. literally saved my life that night, I have no doubt. But I had to finally want to see that I was in a place I couldn't get out of by myself.
Today, I am much better. I occasionally have days where I still fight what I call the "gloom and doom" days of depression, and I know that I could very easily fall back on alcohol as a crutch. But I fight that every day too, and so far, I am winning.
I hope these words help ANYONE who might be going through the same thing. I don't have all the answers, but I know a lot of the questions now.
Love to all,
L.
Before I leave, I'd like to address the Divide and Conquer issue.
In case you haven't noticed, Anon, instead of being divided by Mayo's attention to one of us, we come together over it. We are all so concerned for his well-being that, if he responds to ANY of us, no matter who, we cheer and say, "HEY! He does listen after all!" No jealousy here, dude. It doesn't matter who the help comes from, just as long as there are results.
We all want Gerard to be the man we were drawn to originally. It's a common goal, and if any of us can help bring that man back, then we're ALL relieved.
It's a group thing, and if you're not part of our group, then shoo. We know what we're doing.
I don't think YOU do, though.
J.
Mayo:
One more thing. I made a mistake; I said "Because I think you do", but I meant to say "Because I think you need to." Read L's post, that is. Sorry, my brain and my hands don't always work in tandem. :)
J.
New Mayo post.
BC, Mayo - could they be one of the same?....or maybe more?
Commrades together
fighting the cause
real and the fiction
real or the fiction?
roots are evil
but the blossom is pure.
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