Drill Bit
Tuesday I hear it’s going around;
I’m off...again, knuckled white.
Wednesday I will talk myself into
Round about routes to denial.
If I say it, then it won’t come true.
And, I find comfortable restraint; bound to
Repeating it over and over and over. And again,
It feels better that way, medicated meditation.
Then Thursday everything is white. I eat
From a bland full service spectrum buffet,
Plated and nothing touches.
I won’t even sip from her cup.
By Friday I am unable to tolerate human contact.
And, I count back to the last
In order to find spared time. I’ll be free-
On Saturday what is in the air will kill me.
So, I hold my breath between rooms. Suffocated,
Sunday I become completely restricted.
I will not accept from anyone, anything
That has been anywhere other than here.
Those days, they wear me hard
And to the end, so I have become
Exhausted from the fight. I finally sleep.
Then Monday brings me back, slightly.
With a negligent handshake,
So that again Tuesday I am found,
Wringing dry, anticeptic hands.
I will not allow myself to open a door
I stay; refusal and restraint, withholding.
p.s. its got quite a grip.
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4,924 comments:
1 – 200 of 4924 Newer› Newest»Hey Mayo! ^_^
Gotta read again.
Wow, Mayo. You okay?
And I know that's kind of like, yeah, I don't even know what that means. Okay is different for everybody. But seriously, I do hope you are okay, ya know?
Hi Mayo
hello Mayo
that sounds a bit confused? or annoyed?
it really doesn't sound real great Mayo, I echo smoke - are you ok?
and hi smoke
I'm not even sure what to say about this post.
Fear has a grip on me that way. I'm scared shitless of life apparently.
Ergo, we were way over there and now we're here.
Mayo snuck in and left us.
i'm afraid of crapping my pants when i fart.
s sound really scared, debilitatingly so.
I hope you are ok Mayo.
If it's how you are feeling please find someone to talk to, don't try and do it all alone
Mayo is Sneaky McSneak sdock
Hello Mayo
Yep, same question....
Are you okay?
Ahhh anxiety. For some strange reason, to me, it's not always a bad thing.
But it's not the anxiety, so much as the behavior.
Sometimes, it's more comfortable.
Hey Ergo! Hey Solly!
I get the annoyed bit, Ergo. Well, I know what it's like to just get tired of doing something but powerless to change it at the same time. I'm sure we all know in some way but maybe not to that extreme.
Too true, Ergo.
It's funny how fear fucks with you though, because at first you might not even notice that it's messing with your life. Then, you start by changing one little thing. Next, you've got a whole routine, a schedule, a plan of how to handle your day. If something comes along to muck that up, I find myself in an almost panic attack. It's gotta be some OCD issues I have. I don't know how I let it get so out of control.
But it's not the anxiety, so much as the behavior.
Sometimes, it's more comfortable.
Yeah, exactly!
hey sdock your MUSe store has buy one t shirt get one free until the 24th
here
I can't get the other world one,m but they have MUSE MUGS!!!!!
Hi Elena!
How are you?
Anxiety, I think sometimes it can keep you from doing something crazy. It gives you just enough hesitation to stop and think, but on the other hand, anxiety can also keep you from doing something fun and worthwhile.
Not to fond of anxiety I'm afraid. One too many anxiety attacks....
Hello everyone...
anon people become very used to anxiety, so much so it feels normal, the adrenaline levels seen their natural state.
But it really isn't a healthy long term state, everyone feels anxious sometimes, but if it is always the way you feel it's not good mentally or physically
sdock that is so true, it happens so subtly that you may not notice, then it is so hard to heal from
hello elena
Repetitive behavior and the routine is very comforting, I agree. It almost gives you a feeling, an illusion of control.
About two weeks ago, I was having trouble breathing. Well, actually that started a long time ago but I just didn't know why. Well, tests were ran and xrays were done and it all came down to absolutely nothing. So, then came the question that was in the back of my mind the whole time. Is it just in my head? I was told, "Yes, probably. Here, take some of these. It's for anxiety."
And when it comes down to it, I don't think that's what it is but rather my other medicine that was causing me to have trouble breathing but now I'm like, "Well, what if I need this medicine? What if I've needed it all along? But, I kind of like the way I was. I wasn't so bad, was I?"
I'm confused, Mayo. Seriously.
Hey Elena!
O_O
0_o
Another
are you ok?
Hello Ergo, Sdock, Smoke and Anon...
I just closed up the shop and was finishing up paperwork.
The first anxiety attack I had I truly thought I was dying. I had no idea what was happening to me.
Smoke,
To answer your question, no, I don't think you were that bad at all. If anything, I'm the one who needs the meds. You are the most level headed, calm person I know. You are like Coolie McCoolerson.
Unless....
It was all an act.
o_O
Maybe it was, Solly! ^_~
Hell, I really don't know anymore!
and sdock the feeling of being relaxed and calm becomes so alien that the person will actively seek out stress just to feel they are what they think is normal
the repetition feels like they have control, but it's an illusion as the thing with the control is the anxiety
closing off other people, activities, as they are too unpredictable
Are you having panic attacks by any chance?
My pulse races all the time, but at night is the worst. That's when I worry about the silliest of shit. Of course, I do worry about all the "normal" stuff like death and failure and love and whatnot, but I will wake up in the middle of the night and realize I made some stupid mistake at work, or that the oil in my truck needs changing, or that I really should clean up the bathroom. It's fucking ridiculous the way my mind works.
Now, I'm into this thing at work that started just to pass the time. Ha! I started keeping track of minutes, so now, everything is done down to the minute. It might be every 2 or every 5, but that's how it goes all day.
I can't even explain how weird I am.
elena my mum gets panic attacks and they are so scary, I've only had one minor one, her's are so bad she needs medication, fortunately they don't occur too often
I inherited her anxiety, it was never a big problem but after I had my daughter it got worse, and became PND
I had to have medication until I learned to manage it
which is the good thing, there is treatment and it can be "unlearnt" so to speak and managed
Open that door Mayo. A window maybe. Let some fresh air in. Breathe.
hello Amy
sdock have you seen anyone about that? There are a lot of techniques which can help, I do the same thing but if it is affecting your life too much you should look into management either medically or behaviour modification
Ergo, my mom gets pretty severe panic attacks too. I've had a few and they're not anything I'd wish on anyone else. They're even harder to watch someone else suffer through.
Ergo,
Did I ever mention that I don't go to the doctor? Another one of my fears.
Seriously. I only went 2 years ago when one of my tonsils was about to rupture and it was threatening my chance at going to a concert.
Troofax.
and if you can sdock get your serotonin levels checked, that is my problem, it's genetic but my levels get chronically low so I take a low dose medication that keeps the level normal
far better than many "dull everything" drugs you can be offered
Ergo the first one I had scared the shit out of me. I was watching TV (how weird is that?) and suddenly my heart started to race and then the adrenaline rush. Holy crap I didn't know what was happening but I couldn't slow my thoughts down. It was like I was suddenly in some alternative reality. My hubby was sitting across from me, looked over and wanted to know why I looked like a deer caught in the headlights.
Yeah, Mayo wouldn't want "dull" Solly.
Elena, did you get a tight feeling in your chest? And it hurt to breathe, and hurt to not breathe?
sdock do you have other options than a straight "doctor"? maybe a women's health clinic or something?
I can assure you that if it is something simple like that, getting it fixed will make a massive difference to everything
I think you can buy serotonin supplements which probably work in a similar way, but self medicating isn't great if you don't really know what it is
Um, Solly and Smoke, you two aren't in that Tornado Zone, are you?
Ummm, I have no idea. O_O
Yeah, Ergo, you're probably right about the self medicating part. Drugs just don't work on me the same way they work on others.
I know people who can't even function on certain pills and they won't even put me to sleep.
Ah well...
It is a feeling that I'm used to so at least there's that.
elena my first was as a teen , in the middle of the night I got up to go to the toilet and looked into the mirror and couldn't look away, I just stood there transfixed, heart racing, cold sweat, tight chest
My mum got up to see why I hadn't gone back to bed and it kinda broke
it isn't nice at all and mine are nothing like my mums
They're saying on CNN it's for parts of Georgia and Alabama. O_O
Tornado?
Dude, I dunno. I know the western part of the state was in a watch.
It'll probably get rough here from midnight til 5am.
O_O
lemme go check!
Hey Amy
I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think..it was terrible. And the racing heartbeat really scared me.
The second time it happened wasn't as bad because I knew what it was. I kept telling myself "you're not dying". Calm down.
I ended up on medication for a time.
So far, every count to the west and the northeast of us is in a watch but not us. Go figure that one out.
Yay Georgia! I think they forget about our county all the way around.
And The Weather Channel likes to forget our whole state. Bwah.
We're not in the watch yet. It'll hit us in the middle of the damn night.
The wind is blowing like crazy though. It's weird. Cold on one side and kind of warm on the other.
o_O
count = county
I don't like 'y's for some reason.
Are you having panic attacks by any chance?
I remember having one for the first time about a couple of years ago. For me it felt like there was something heavy pressing against my chest, and it felt like I couldn't breathe. Sometime last year I had another one while I was asleep, but fortunately it doesn't happen very often. When it does happen, what I usually try to do is calm myself down by breathing in and out slowly, and thinking about things that make you happy, or positive thoughts. So far it has worked for me.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone. That's how bad they are.
Hey everyone.
We're an anxious little bunch, huh?
Hi BC!
*nods*
That's the hard part, convincing yourself you're going to be okay, while it feels like your heart is gearing up to rip into a billion little pieces.
Solly and Smoke, good, just thought I'd check. They don't issue tornado warnings around here until it's almost too late. A friend of mine was camping with his parents about 25 mins out of the city, and they had heard a warning about severe weather.
Half an hour later, the camping trailer was torn apart, and his mom had to have her leg stitched back together, because a floor length mirror had fallen on it.
Hey BC
Southern Sisters - Be careful. Keep an eye on that weather.
oh you two be careful!
keep a close eye on the weather
Elena,
We know nothing here about tornado protocol.
O_O
sdock
tornado protocol is right up my alley.LOL
I am afterall from the land of OZ.
I'll be honest, lately I've been dealing with periodic bouts of anxiety, but it's only because I can't seem to fucking relax most of the time anymore.
As soon as the weather gets nicer, I'm gonna go downstairs and beat the non-living shit out of my boxing bag. It always makes me feel better.
Hi Solly, smokie. Stay safe out there!
Hallo Amy! Hiya Ergo, elena, anyone else I missed.
Yeah, tornado protocol around here is this:
"Oh! Look! There's a tornado warning!"
*everybody runs out onto the porch to look*
O_O
Welp, I gotta go make sure LHM gets a shower and gets in the bed before midnight tonight!
See you guys later or tomorrow! Have a good one!
Mayo,
Looks like we're all kind of right there with ya. Hope you are doing okay. Like I said, whatever that means. Seriously, though.
Night!
Amy, ouch!
Well time for me to head home. It was nice talking to everyone. I'll try to pop back in later.
Take care everybody....
MAYO (yep I'm yelling) You gotta know you got me worried. Take care of yourself, okay? Promise?
BC, with the way the world is right now, it's almost inhuman to not be slightly anxious. I'm fine for a bit, until I add up bills paid/money made. It's not a pretty list.
Solly and Smoke, Elena's right. Get a Tornado Contingency Plan in focus, last thing you want is to be wrung out of bed at 2am with no idea what to do. Xanax can't help you then, I'm afraid.
Goodnight smokie.
BC, it was a pretty bad smack they got. Thankfully none of his family members were killed, but he's had a hard time getting over it.
Goodnight Elena! Hope to see you again soon!
hi BC
See you later Elena.
That's definitely true Amy. What I want so bad is to go to the beach and unwind. The waves can be really relaxing.
amy how terrifying for them!
you just never know what might happen with weather
see you soon elena
goodnight smoke adn LHM
after the tidal waves on Boxing day the other year they developed a warning system for us and asia
then there was an undersea quake and they put this warning over the radio about how they were waiting for wave heights and where it may go to (like us!) and all everyone did was go
"what do we do?"
"when do we know?"
"huh?"
etc
all well and good having a warning system but would have been far more effective to have let us all know what we should do
fortunately it was nothing, but we still haven't actually got any instructions for if it happens, head for the hills I suppose!
BC, what I want is to go to the spa and unwind, but I gotta wait until at least May. :P
I could deal with the beach though. Maybe down in the Dominican
"what do we do?"
"when do we know?"
"huh?"
etc
RUN LIKE YOUR ASS IS ON FIRE!!
Amy, that's so totally what I want to do too. Go to the spa. As a matter of fact, I'll probably go do that for my birthday.
I need a nice, relaxing neck massage :D
*melts*
Thanks for the visual BC. I'm planning the same, even if I have to start siphoning money from the grocery bill for it.
ahhhhh massage......
amy well that is the general pan!
but people didn't know whether to go get kids from school, or if schools would call in buses or whether we should even be worried
twas a bit of a cock up
Mayo you still about?
I really hope you're ok
Amy, do it! :D
A nice back massage wouldn't hurt either.
Mysophobia?
Mayo told Mustard once that he was a bit of a germaphobe.
I almost typed germaphone.
WTF?
it does sound a bit like that anon, but is that the problem or a symptom?
or is it metaphorical?
I miss Mustard.
why is it if I need a phillips head screwdriver I can only find flat head, but now I need a flat head I find like 6 different sized phillips heads!!
I miss Mustard too. It's like having part of me missing.
The AI group was just doing a group version of Jason Mraz's song and I know she was somewhere cringing.
Ergo,
That is the question, right? Metaphor or not.
The more I read it the more I think it's an OCD too.
I'm not a medical professional though, so I can't diagnose.
And why does everything have to be FIXED anyway?
*pfffttt*
Me too anon :(
I miss mustard too
I was just kind of thinking about the same thing. How much of this is really abnormal behavior, a medical condition and how much of it is stuff that has been stuffed into our brains about being this way or that way? Maybe we're all normal and we're just being told that it's abnormal.
Does that make any sense whatsoever?
Why did she leave in the first place?
Guys,
I just want to say that I'm really enjoying having this discussion with all of you. It's kind of like old times. (whatever that means)
:)
Just putting that out there...
A lot of sense, Solly.
If you've ever read about Autism, you find out that there's something else, called Autism Spectrum Disorder, and everyone on the frigging planet falls into at least ONE category. It's crazy.
I wash my hands multiple times a day because I hate them being dirty. Does that make me OCD? Why yes! According to the ASD definition, I could very well be OCD because of it.
:P
I'm not sure Amy. I was looking back on the old blogs for fun, and was surprised at how long she's been gone now.
*nods*
Me too.
I'll be back in a bit guys. I gotta go quiet a few grumbling stomachs.
It was never really clear why she left. I think she just had to get some things done. You know? She "needed to get her head right" or something like that. God knows, I can relate to that.
Amy,
That's kind of like ADD and ADHD. I'm sure most of us fall into that as well.
Aww solly :)
Well then Amy, we can be OCD together, lol. I was my hands several times a day as well, but only before I eat so the germs won't spread, and of course, after using the toilet.
I hate it though. It dries out my hands, and then when I apply body lotion, my skin will have a reaction to it.
Solly, we sure as hell do. If you learn to quickly, you have a disorder. If you don't learn well at all, you have a disorder.
And if you're middle of the road, you're an underachieving slob, who'll never do anything but flip burgers at Mickey D's. You just can't win anymore.
And I think, if Mustard should ever read this, she will understand what I mean when I say that I won't miss her then. If she's getting herself right, I won't think of her as gone.
I meant to say wash of course *sighs*
Amy, don't you mean Mister's stomach? ^_^
I think there is a spectrum of all things like that, only if it is really disrupting your life in a way that you feel is more than you can deal with does it need "fixing"
I think far too much is assumed to be a 'disorder" of some kind
like my pet hate
when did losing your temper in traffic and acting like an overly agressive ass become "road rage"? it doesn't need a name, it just needs people to take responsibility for monitoring their own behaviour
Though some people have legitimate problems, I think though a lot of people see it as an excuse to not try as you have something to blame.
ADD & ADHD can be used the same for people who just don't discipline their kids
BC, have you tried just basic cold cream? I had luck with St Ives Aloe-Chamomile lotion too, because it gets super dry up here. I can't even use Dove soaps, it just doesn't work and it ends up being a waste of money.
I bet, no, scratch that, I know Mustard is somewhere listening to her Ipod discovering something brand new in a song, smiling, and getting super excited about it.
That makes me happy to think about.
I hope so solly. I wonder if anyone has heard from her?
Amy, I don't have that lotion, all I got is the Curel menopause one, lol, although I'll be willing to buy that St.Ives one. The decent lotion I have that doesn't really cause rashes is my Sephora one, and I'm almost out of it :/
Mayo,
As you can see, we've kind of taken your post and worried about you and ran with it. Good times for sure, but I do hope you're okay. As okay as any of us can really be. And what does that even mean? My normal might be your fucked up. Your fucked up might be a disorder. Do I have a disorder even if it hasn't been named or diagnosed? Who the hell knows? Not me.
I just know that I never want to stop talking about it and learning from others. It sure as hell makes me feel like maybe I'm a little bit more normal (or abnormal depending on what side of the fence you're on, or what prescription you take), a little bit more human. Because, I have this thing where I try like hell to take some kind of mechanical, methodical control over everything even though I know that it's not logical or possible.
But, I've also found out that I'm certainly not by myself. Hells no! This crazy train is all filled up and I'm a happy passenger (on most days).
Destination?
Does it really matter?
And to think, I could be writing this to you on like half-speed.
That would be a travesty! The horror!
So, look around at all of us, what do you see?
I see me. Lots of 'em. And I hope they see themselves.
Thanks for sharing, Mayo. I hope you have a nice night.
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. I'm not giving up this window seat.
Night solly. Sweet dreams
Guys,
I'm gonna go now and ride out this weather. Thanks for the chat. It kicks ass that we're still able to learn and gain so much insight from each other.
Sweet dreams!
Ergo, have an awesome Thursday!
lol I hope mustard is rocking along accompanied by great guitar riffs
goodnight sdock sweet dreams
thanks sdock! it's sunny so that is always a plus!
and it is great to discuss stuff like that, you can see that we are all a lot more similar than we know!
I gotta go finish cleaning my room (boo!)
See you guys later.
The decent lotion I have that doesn't really cause rashes is my Sephora one, and I'm almost out of it :/
Yikes!! A Sephora lotion? How much did that puppy set you back?
Goodnight Solly! Be careful, the both of you!
see you BC I'm just going to have my lunch
Damn, Mayo! OCD much?
But man, I hear you, and I feel for you. Especially here:
And, I find comfortable restraint; bound to
Repeating it over and over and over. And again,
It feels better that way, medicated meditation.
Let me tell you: this is one of my main mental pathologies. I do this "if I say it, it won't come true" thing so often, so deeply, it really is pathological. Like that acknowledging it is some kind of charm to keep "it" at bay. And "it" depends on whatever it is that's on my mind at the time, usually illness or loss of a loved one.
The opposite is true. You can talk yourself into badness. Mayo, what you dwell on grows. This is a fact.
Of course, it's easy for me to say this to you.
I can't even get a grip on it myself, though.
Anyway, I feel you on that, seriously.
Princess, I had the same thing a few years ago. I thought I had asthma. The doctor gave me some dumb pills which I never took. Then more recently I started having this heart-palpitation thingie. Again with the "oh it's a panic attack." He said that it was either panic attacks or I was eating too much chocolate. I told him, verbatim, "That's ridiculous. The only time I panic is when there isn't enough chocolate."
He didn't think that was too funny.
:/
Amy, not that much. About $8.
I do like this body butter stuff that I've recently bought at Macy's called Carol's Daughter. I love the smell of it, it reminds me of Caribbean, beachy smells like coconuts and stuff. It's not lotion so my skin doesn't react to it. It's great.
I'm one of those chicks that loves to buy lotions, soaps, and stuff like that(Loves bath and body works) so I have a pretty big collection, ahem.
BC, your bathroom must smell like mine then! A lavender/jasmine/white tea/baby powder/goat's milk/Zest/Tresemme/Pert Plus mix of heaven! XD
Anyway, I gotta cut it close again tonight. Mister's whining that he hasn't seen me all week.
The whole 2 days he worked. :P
Goodnight girls! Goodnight Mayo and SS!
Mayo
First off let me say it was really great seeing you here again so soon. It was like a friend who isn’t supposed to show up for days and you look up and there they are.
Secondly your post really worried me. Yeah, I know just another case of “that Elena worries too much”. Well, I do and I never said I didn’t. But just so you know you may have picked up on the fact that things aren’t so great in my life right now. I have many worries. However I happily shove them a bit tighter to give you some space in there. I chose to worry about you because I care. So darlin’ just know that I’m worrying and hoping you’re okay. Oh holy shit I just realized I called you darlin’. Okay wait, I need to explain that I call Jake (our blond Lab) darlin’ too. Now that’s not to compare you to a dog…crap I should just stop now. Over explaining again.
I guess what I want to say is this..I worry, I fret, but in my own way it makes me feel like I’m doing something for you. I can’t really do anything else. So I want you to understand that when I worry it’s just my way of keeping you in my thoughts and showing that I care. Lots of really, really good people care about you, Mayo.
You know earlier Solly pointed out something that I don’t want to let slip by…
sdock10 said...
Guys,
I just want to say that I'm really enjoying having this discussion with all of you. It's kind of like old times. (whatever that means)
:)
Just putting that out there...
She’s right. Tonight after you posted we all came together and it was so nice. See, there is still so much good here. You are the anchor, Mayo. And when the anchor seems to be slipping we all try to help.
Well I’ve rambled quite enough. Take care, okay?
Night Mayo
Elena
Hahahaha, exactly Amy. Goodnight and sweet dreams.
Goodnight Elena, sweet dreams.
hi K
goodnight amy
goodnight elena
sweet dreams all
BC bath stuff is nice
I got distracted watching a show about the Kursk, then the Falklands war
it's really interesting
"the feeling of being relaxed and calm becomes so alien that the person will actively seek out stress just to feel they are what they think is normal
the repetition feels like they have control, but it's an illusion as the thing with the control is the anxiety
closing off other people, activities, as they are too unpredictable"
so true ergo. I can relate to that but then thats where behaviour modification comes in. It can work sometimes.
now for you mayo....the new post's title reminds me of the Sublime song, "The Wrong Way". Love that song. made ya smile...yes i did.
:)
Mayo, you sound as though you may be freaking yourself out. Cutting yourself off from people for a while then jumping back in and feeling the need to withdraw again. don't know what it means but it sounds ominous. yes, i am frowning on this one. i do NOT need anymore frown lines you hear me?!
have a good week all.
:)
The Wrong Way
Annie's 12 years old
In two more she'll be a whore,
Nobody ever told her
It's the wrong way.
Don't be afraid with the quickness you'll get laid
For your family get paid
It's the wrong way.
I gave her all that I had to give,
I'm gonna make it hard to live.
Big Salty tears running down her chin
And it ruins up her make up
I never wanted
A cigarette,
rests between her lips
but I'm staring at her tits,
It's the wrong way.
Strong if I can,
But I am only a man,
So I take her to the can,
It's the wrong way.
The only family that she's ever had
Is her 7 horny brothers
And her drunk-ass dad.
He needed money
So he put her on the street,
Everything was going fine until the day that she met me.
happy are you sad?
Wanna shoot your dad
I'll do anything I can
The wrong way.
We talked all night and
Tried to make it right,
Believe me shit was tight,
It was the wrong way.
Don't run away if you wanna stay,
Cause I ain't here to make ya', oh no
It's up to you what you really wanna do
Spend some time in America, dub-style
She'll give you all that she got to give,
But I'm gonna make it hard to live.
Big salty tears rolling down to her chin
And it smears up her makeup
I never wanted
So we ran away
And I'm sorry when I say
That straight to this very day
It was the wrong way.
She took a hike,
Don't matter if I like it or not
Because she only wants
The wrong way.
I gave her all that I had to give,
But she still wouln't take it, oh no.
Her two brown eyes are leaking like a sieve,
And it still ruins her makeup
I never wanted
Hiya again ergo. I'm in the middle of downloading some songs :)
Hi there anons
howard hughes, mayo. you don't want to start shopping for your footwear in the facial tissue aisle, okay?
the panic attack discussion earlier was interesting. i haven't had them myself, but my ex did. it was difficult to watch him go through that, because there was nothing i could do. i tried to help him reason his way out of them, i held his hand, i did magic...
but he was trapped in this tiny tight mental loop, and there was nothing i could do for him. i really hope that you aren't in that space, mayo. it's a nasty ourobouros and you're the only one who can change it.
so look up, lift your head and gaze out at the horizon. breathe, ground, and center.
and, keep writing these poems. this one is hectic and claustrophobic, a little nightmare of a poem. i hope it lanced whatever darkness may have been troubling you.
hello TJ
how was work?
TJ, it's so good to see you here :)
Breathing techniques for panic attacks
Is Any Of This Experience Familiar To You?
* Maybe you found yourself in the hospital's ER because you thought you were having a heart attack only to be told later it was anxiety?
* Do you ever fear you might stop breathing because your chest feels tight and your breathing erratic?
* When you drive do you fear the idea of getting stuck in traffic, on a bridge or at red lights?
* Do you ever feel nervous and afraid you might lose control or go insane?
* Have you struggled with anxious thoughts that will not stop?
* Do you ever feel uncomfortable in enclosed spaces such as supermarkets, cinemas, public transport or even sitting at the hair dressers?
* Are you nervous and on edge in normal situations that never bothered you before?
Do You Feel Any Of The Following Bodily Sensations?
* Dizzy spells leading to panic
* Tightness in throat and chest- shortness of breath
* Racing heart with tingle sensations
* Hot flushes followed by waves of anxiety
* Obsessive worries and unwanted thoughts
* Not feeling connected to what is going on around you
Overwhelming fear that the anxiety will push you over the edge
hey there ergo, hello bc!
work was a lot of fun today -- i went out to a house and got paid to pull out everything in someone's hall closet! (i'm such a snoop) the group i'm working with are a good match for me, and i'm really looking forward to going back to work tomorrow.
as you can see, my folks finally got their computer repaired, so i'm able to sit and chat again! i'm glad to be back here, too, bc. *hugs*
oh you're here for a while!!
I thought you were on the library 1/2 hr
I posted a pic of the creek for you too, I'll find the page
Mayo, between this post and the last one it sounds like you've made some realizations, but you don't know what to do with them or don't feel you can do anything about them?
I hope that you're OK. Talk to your friends and family if you need to.
oh that was easy, 1st page of the Showered post before this one
1:55 about 2/3 of the way down
hi anon
could be, it feels like he's craving order and it usually comes from stress somewhere else
and talking to someone is a really good idea
oh the song lyric anon before, what a sad song, so tragic but true for so many
i saw that pic, ergo -- it's lovely! i have some of the recent ice storm that i'd like to share soon, but i still need to get them in my photobucket.
the last one was to show you how different our creek bed is from the one I had of yours for my screensaver
Thanks for posting those tips anon.
It's really good to see you here again TJ. You've been missed *super hugs*
And I'm glad you got a job that you're enjoying so far :D
i love all the green in that picture, ergo. and your water is much faster than the water in the creek here!
thank you bc. :)
did i read that you're in school? what are you studying?
that's from all the rain we've had, there are even little rapids
in winter (the dry) it is much more sedate
TJ, yep. I started last month, so right now I'm majoring in criminal justice
the little creek here is the same, ergo -- it was up over its banks during the storm, from all the melt. neat to see. :)
bc, that's such great news! and interesting, i bet.
Thanks TJ :)
oh it's so nice you're back TJ
I've really missed having you around
i think i'm glowing from warm fuzzy overload! *hugs for ergo and bc*
time for me to say good night now, unfortunately, even though i just got here! but i get up at 5:30 now, so fudging on sleep isn't a good idea.
see you guys tomorrow!
goodnight TJ sweet dreams
I'm off to meet the bus then I'll be tutoring so I'll say bye for now too
Goodnight TJ, sweet dreams, and I'll say it again, it's great to have you back.
Enjoy titoring Ergo. Take care :D
you're welcome bc
:)
mayo,
it was strange deciding to come back to kentucky. truthfully, part of the decision was made simply out of fear -- things got very sharp for me at the end there in seattle. it surprised me that the whisper could still be so loud.
so i copped out, and came back.
but maybe i needed to fail in seattle, and maybe i needed to try to get my feet under me here in the kiddie pool first, where i don't have to swing between the scramble for employment and the scramble for shelter.
in any case, i get to write my good nights to you again -- and that's what i missed about being offline most of all. while i was gone, i wondered about what it was that was core about this place for me. i've made friends here, and that was a gift indeed, but while i was alone out there what i truly missed was just each new post.
so i'm happy to be back, happy to be able to connect with friends again, but mostly i'm happy to be back on the couch, reading your posts, waiting for the next one. it's how i started here, after all.
so: good night, mayo.
sweet dreams.
see you BC
bye anon
you both take care and sweet dreams
welcome back toujours.
you did what many fail to try; you
moved out of your comfort zone and attempted something different.
this was more important than the actual success. think of it as a learning process. it tested your boundaries and resilience.
and life is one big lesson in itself...
pleasant dreams to you.
Gotta call it a early night, so goodnight to anyone here. Goodnight Ergo when you return.
Goodnite Mayonaise. Be well.
Be warm and feel safe & secure too. :)
... down a one way street"?
I hope the cost of that ticket wasn't too much.
Did ever want to sell your soul to become a God, Mayo? SS? Would it be worth it?
I thought real friends disagreed with one another. Told each other when they were wrong. They don't look down or up to one another. They walk side by side.
Didn't you see them by your side Mayo? SS? They were there. All along. They just got tired. Tired of you waiting for you to open your eyes and see what you were stepping in. Tired of waiting for you to hear the soft whispers of friendship over the load cheers of awe and worship. Tired of waiting for a simple acknowledgment. A simple "I hear you".
I don't only hear and see them. I hear, see and appreciate You.
You're hurting now? So are they. They've been hurting for a long time You have no idea the good people you missed here. The smart, kind, funny, genuine people you missed. The ones who were made to feel like nobodies and nothings.
The heart, the soul, the sword and the mouse that roared of this place never rested in the body of one person or one group of people. Those vital organs, those vital things were shared. They are what kept this place alive. They are the ones who breathed life into this blog. Most of them are gone.
I know. It's not all your fault. Don't think I'm laying all the blame at your feet Mayo and SS. No. There is plenty of blame to go around. Blame can be laid at my feet as well.
What are you, Mayo and SS, going to do? What are we going to do?
Forget it. This comment will probably be torn to shreds in 2 hours. They "you're just jealous", "I'm smarter and more talented than you", "leave Mayo and SS alone, what have they done to you" bullshit will start.
That's true. Neither of you have done anything to me. Neither of you have done anything to a lot of people around here.
Not doing anything can hurt just as much as a fist to the gut. Maybe more.
It can. It often does.
♥
I speak in silent words,
A speechless language,
No one listens.
I laugh in soundless bells,
Noiseless tones,
No one smiles with me.
I shed disguised pearls,
An unseen tribute to my sadness,
No one watches my tears.
I dress in hidden clothes,
Masking my soul,
No one notices.
I shout in voiceless screams,
Silent agony
No one hears.
I bleed imaginary blood,
Scarlet pools of pain,
No one observes
I touch with non-existant strokes,
Icy fingers brush warm skin,
But no one flinches
I walk with quiet footsteps,
Lonely impressions left in sand,
No one walks with me.
I dream in shadowy pictures,
Thoughts swirling in clouds,
No one sees my soul
I speak.
I laugh.
I cry.
I dress.
I scream.
I bleed.
I touch.
I walk.
I dream.
In silence.
I live,
In invisibility.
Invisible
By anon, Age 13
Goodnite.
Do me one favor Mayo. Just one of only two things I've ever asked from you. Delete those last two comments. I don't know why I even try anymore.
mayo and ss are like chalk and cheese. but i can see that both of them have always tried to include everyone. the comments on mayo's sidebar don't just come from the members of one 'crew' and if you remember ss was the one who started the whole sidebar thing by acknowledging elena when she thought nobody listened to what she had to say. he called her the mouse that roared. i honestly don't think either of them take any sides and they do care about people here. remember when ss was accused of taking sides because he had put up some words on his sidebar? it bothered him so much he took it all down, apart from dominic. i actually think he should have left it all up but that's just my opinion. it really bothers me when anonymous people try to start shit and play people off against each other. both mayo and ss have showed time and again they do care. i don't know what more you want from either of them.
If you really think those two pay attention to everyone you are blind. This isn't about having your words or art put on the side bar or about who you call your friends.
It is about acknowledging the people who come here and speak to you who don't have their word or art on the side bar.
Here we go. I'm accused of trying to "start shit" for stating my opinions. I knew it. Look around anon. I'm not talking about any one group. I'm talking about people. Individuals. Can't you show an ounce of compassion for them?
Thank you 6:05.
Did it bother him so much that he gave credit to the one who deserved the credit? She was hurting too. I remember. He took her words and used them to comfort another. Did you ask her how she felt about that or did you go to her blog and call her immature and childish for feeling hurt? Did you do that because one of "your friends" was the one being comforted? Whose pain means more anon? Did the pain of one hurt more than the pain of the other? Did you ask. Did he ask?
Go back and read the poem at 5:12 ANON. That's how they felt. Invisible.
Mato
tonight , again from the True Colours album a song I find both beautiful and very sad. Beautiful vocals from Tim Finn, they hold so much emotion, and a lovely arrangement. I don't know if you will feel it personally, I do, but not for obvious reasons
I Hope I Never
I fall apart when you're around
When you're here, I'm nowhere
I can't pretend that I'm not down
I show it I know it
I've been a fool - more than once, more than twice
I'm gonna move to a new town where the people are nice
I hope I never, I hope I never have to sigh again
I hope I never, I hope I never have to cry again
I still want to beam and smile yah
Happiness is back in style yeah
I hope I never, I hope I never have to see you again
Again, oh oh oh oh
It should be possible I know
To see you without stress
But I can see I'll have to go
I'm changing my address
My urge to cry I have failed to conceal
Life - it's no fun when your hunted by the things that you feel
I hope I never, I hope I never have to sigh again
I hope I never, I hope I never have to cry again
I'm for living while you can
I'm an optimistic man
I hope I never, I hope I never have to see you again
Again, oh oh oh oh...
I hope I never
I hope I never
I hope I never, never, never...
I hope I never, I hope I never have to see you again
just listen
(please have a look at the following song alsom just 'cause it's great)
take care Mayo, care for yourself, it's important
much love EP xx
SS
again from True Colours, the first real hit for Neil Finn, a song with a great video. Did I mention I had a bit of a crush on Neil? Well this clip was one I really thought he was fantastic in
History Never Repeats
History never repeats
I tell myself before I go to sleep
Don't say the words you might regret
I've lost before you know I can't forget
There was a girl I used to know
She dealt my love a savage blow
I was so young, too blind to see
But anyway that's History
I say [chorus]
You say I always played the fool
Well I can't go on, if that's the rule
Better to jump than hesitate
I need a change and I can't wait
[chorus2:]
History never repeats
I tell myself before I go to sleep
And there's a light shining in the dark
Leading me on towards a change of heart
(ah-ar)
History never repeats, history never repeats
Deep in the night it's all so clear
I lie awake with great ideas
Lurking about in no-man's land
I think at last I understand
[chorus2]
Never repeats!...
Hey.... Hey....
Never repeats!
sing along
lotsa love EPxx
goodnight blogbelieve see you in my morning
♥xx♥
hey sdock fasc have a lovely thursday, it means the week is almost over!
take care all who pass through
xx
Anonymous said...
I speak in silent words,
A speechless language,
No one listens.
I laugh in soundless bells,
Noiseless tones,
No one smiles with me.
I shed disguised pearls,
An unseen tribute to my sadness,
No one watches my tears.
I dress in hidden clothes,
Masking my soul,
No one notices.
I shout in voiceless screams,
Silent agony
No one hears.
I bleed imaginary blood,
Scarlet pools of pain,
No one observes
I touch with non-existant strokes,
Icy fingers brush warm skin,
But no one flinches
I walk with quiet footsteps,
Lonely impressions left in sand,
No one walks with me.
I dream in shadowy pictures,
Thoughts swirling in clouds,
No one sees my soul
I speak.
I laugh.
I cry.
I dress.
I scream.
I bleed.
I touch.
I walk.
I dream.
In silence.
I live,
In invisibility.
5:12 that is a beautifully worded poignant poem
thanks for sharing it
He took her words and used them to comfort another.
Yes, he said so on his blog page. He said he was 'borrowing the words of one to comfort another' and it probably didn't even occur to him that CTV would want to be named directly. I think when people do good deeds, they should do it because they genuinely want to help, not to get credit or to impress other people, so getting recognition should not really be the motivation for doing good.
He probably thought the fact her words were being shared to bring comfort to someone else who was hurting would be reward enough. If you think he did that to spite CTV then I really don't know what to say to you. He often uses quotes that have meant something to him to help a lot of people here without giving 'credit' directly to the person but he acknowledges they aren't his own words. eg. 'Someone I love very much once said' or 'The wisest man I have ever known told me' etc. He could have comforted Mustard with any words but he chose CTV's and he did it while she was there. That was his way of tipping his hat to her. To show her that he appreciated what she had said to him and thought the words were powerful enough to stop someone else hurting. He probably thought she would be really happy to see how her words could help someone else.
Anonymous said...
Go back and read the poem at 5:12 ANON. That's how they felt. Invisible.
They felt like 13 year olds who aren't getting enough attention? Yeah, it doesn't surprise me.
:( You're welcome EP. It's nice to know that you and 6:05 appreciate its poignancy and didn't take it as trying to "start shit".
Sweet dreams, Ergo.
Have a great Thursday, Guys!
Mayo,
And so it begins again, and I'm thankful for the opportunity, but dreading the possibilites. Not all of them, just some of them. After all, anything is possible, right? That's what they say, but who is they and why do they want to scare the fuck out of me.
So...there's that.
It's all good. Yeah, seriously? That's what I keep reminding myself. I'm so slow, except when I go really fast. And when I go really fast, I forget to slow down and look. But when I do, that's when I remember.
And then I want to forget.
But not everything.
Because that would mean those things happened to me for no reason at all.
And everything happens for a reason, right?
Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself when I'm not telling myself that it's all good.
Except that it can't be all good because if it was all good, then how would you know when it was going bad? Something has to draw the line for you because somewhere along the way good became bad and bad became so very comforting. And fear disguised as comfort can be satisfying but very fucking limiting.
So, what is fear really but a string of endless possibilities?
Now, can you see?
Wow, my fear comes in the form of a rambling hot mess.
Beware. It will scorch your mouth. Sip, do not gulp.
But get your own cup please.
What the hell? Woooooow.
This was kind of fun. Fun is good, right? Yeah, that's what she said just before....
Love to YOU Always,
S
You really are a heartless sob aren't you 6:40.
Really 6:39. Why couldn't he say one word to CTV? Why couldn't he acknowledge her and what she was going through? Why didn't he take someone else's words to comfort her? Didn't he see her and her pain? Didn't you or was it all about you, your friends and what made them feel better.
pffft
Why didn't he take someone else's words to comfort her? Didn't he see her and her pain?
No, he didn't. IIRC all the bitching about not getting credit for her words kicked off at another blog.
You choose to stay here feeling invisible or leave. From my experience, invisible isn't so bad. Being noticed isn't always worth the hassle.
I visit the blogs of the people I want to keep up with, Mayo included, and ignore the mess left here. I figure if it matters to you that much, you'll mention it on your own blog.
This blog was created by Mayonaise, for their own reasons and it's saddening that it has never truly been about Mayonaise. Whoever they are, whatever their story, it can't receive the attention it deserves.
"I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don't rhyme, and some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. -- Gilda Radner"
Mayo, let me tell you. Sometimes when you get to having these awful thoughts and anxiety attacks, it helps to just remind yourself, holy CRAP, Huge JackedMan is so hot!
Nah, just kidding; that doesn't help at all.
But still. DAMN.
Actually, there is one thing that really helps me a lot, though I'm not sure if it would help you, or anyone else. I'll tell it to you just in case. Who knows, right?
I know that I absolutely cannot focus on that voice saying all those awful things when I'm in Kung Fu. There's too much else going on: the concentration, focus, the "OMG my legs are going to fall off," the "what the hell comes next in this sequence," the "how do I not get my teeth knocked out," and the "oh damn, that's gonna leave a mark!"
Then, when you go home, you're still kind of buzzing and all endorphine-y for a while.
It's something different for everyone, I'm sure. Like maybe just getting involved in some physical activity like walking, running, dancing even. When you're doing any of those things, I'll bet that voice shuts up.
Also I think when you're concentrating on something you need to learn. I've noticed that it's impossible for me to be neurotic in a difficult class. It's impossible for that voice to manifest when I'm studying really hard.
Or, go for a massage, that works great, too. Other things that work for me: playing a hard video game. Yardwork. Leaving the house to go to a movie.
Things that don't work for me: Watching TV. Reading a book. Meditation.
One thing that does work, although in a less pleasant way, is writing a story; usually that novel of mine (which I haven't done in ages, I admit it.) Or just writing in general because sometimes that voice manifests inside the story, and of that, a few options are possible: The voice comes out in the story, and it makes for something different, weird and compelling. Or, the voice comes out in the story and it's a total self-indulgent writerism / author proxy and it sucks. But either way, I face the voice and it can shut up for a while.
Mayo, if you have any ways that you find you can cope with this stuff, why not tell some of us, too? Maybe we can learn something from you.
Either way I hope you're doing well today.
Why couldn't he acknowledge her and what she was going through?
Are you serious? Any sane, emotionally stable person could see how ridiculous she was being. It was embarrassing.
Mayo, I’m not going to pretend I understand what your post is about. I can only interpret it by my own experiences. So if I’m wrong, sorry about that.
I can’t say I’ve ever had a panic attack, but I may have and not understood what it was. I do, however, have irrational fears which make me behave in an odd way sometimes. My fears have been latched onto my psyche for so long that I automatically compensate for them. Some were beaten into me, others I acquired all on my own. I’m used to the cycle I throw myself into. At times they are used as defense mechanisms. Not very good ones, but it is what it is.
Thank God that I have a supportive family. With a little love and understanding, I’ve learned to laugh at myself and not get embarrassed when one of my “quirks” acts up.
But sometimes, when nobody’s looking, I enjoy my freakishness and just roll in it. Savoring my nuttiness and welcoming the odd comfort it brings me.
I hope you’re alright. :)
i would say it's more than a panic attack if it lasts for a week mayo.
Jenn, I hear you; sometimes you have to just go and fly the freak flag. ^_^ I fly mine usually at home. Sometimes you just gotta! And "here's to the few who forgive what you do, and the fewer who don't even care." :D
Well, I've done my shopping and started my laundry (UGH!) and now it's time to study some more. This studying thing is getting kind of old. ^_~
Hope you're all having a good day!
Anonymous said...
Why couldn't he acknowledge her and what she was going through?
Are you serious? Any sane, emotionally stable person could see how ridiculous she was being. It was embarrassing.
February 19, 2009 12:28 PM
Any sane or emotionally stable who was having a bad would have been upset. Upset that a person who they thought were their friend couldn't take 10 seconds out of their day to just say hello to them or say I am sorry you are having a bad day.
Have you never had a bad day and called a friend or sent them an email to try and cheer yourself up. Have you never wanted your friend to say a kind word back to you.
So, tell me that if you weren't having a shit day that you wouldn't be upset to have your friend not even say hello to you. instead they turn around and take what you say to make someone else feel better. I have had it happen and I can tell you it is shit. Buy I guess you are to busy kissing the unknown bloggers asses to even think about that.
This blog was created by Mayonnaise, for their own reasons and it's saddening that it has never truly been about Mayonnaise. Whoever they are, whatever their story, it can't receive the attention it deserves.
mayo still gets most of the attention. Most of the time when people share the shit that is going on in their lives it is to show Mayo that they understand what he is going through. I have been there.
You choose to stay here feeling invisible or leave. From my experience, invisible isn't so bad. Being noticed isn't always worth the hassle.
No one is talking about having Mayo or SS go out of their way to do some great big gesture. What they are say is that if they really do care about everyone here they could show it once in a while by saying hello to the people they usually ignore. It is simple, easy and doesn't take much time.
Not everyone needs to have their names put up in lights or take center stage. A simple hello is all that is needed sometimes.
This is cyberspace. How can you attach so much importance on someone you barely understand or even know?
So what if it is cyberspace. You do know that before the net they had a thing called pen pals. People you would never meet but would form a connection with. And that wasn't even real time, you would have to wait months to hear from that person.
What about the people who meet on line and have a romantic relationship in the real world.
The way you meet a person or get to know them isn't what matters it is the bonds that you form from talking with that person.
But none of this is romantic or even too deep. Why do you put such stock in (and pressure on) those two? It's ridiculous. I agree!
What about the people who meet on line and have a romantic relationship in the real world.
It's very easy to read their words, get a certain impression of them and concoct an image in your head of that person.
good morning!
hope everyone is well
Anonymous said...
But none of this is romantic or even too deep. Why do you put such stock in (and pressure on) those two? It's ridiculous. I agree!
February 19, 2009 4:24 PM
Anonymous Anonymous said...
What about the people who meet on line and have a romantic relationship in the real world.
It's very easy to read their words, get a certain impression of them and concoct an image in your head of that person.
February 19, 2009 4:32 PM
I was using that as an example of how people can form connections with people.
Things don't have to be romantic you can have friends that you meet online. You know pen pals people that you will never meet but share an interests with. People you like to talk to.
I don't think it is putting pressure on someone to expect them to say hello to you if you have said it to them. Both Mayo and SS have said that they like the people here. I am if they really do like everyone here why can't they show it by simply saying hello.
I have had people I don't know on the street say hello to me out of the blue. People I will never see again but somehow I am putting pressure on someone by asking them just to say hello to me.
I disagree, I feel that SS and OPJ did (and maybe do) share something very close and special and intimate. There was definitely some flirting going on between them that might have taken off if the OPS hadn't been chased off the blog by bullying them over one little thing.
In that case they always do "say hello" to everybody. Both are always careful to make sure they say "everyone" so I don' see what the problem is.
good morning MJ
anons
I disagree, I feel that SS and OPJ did (and maybe do) share something very close and special and intimate. There was definitely some flirting going on between them that might have taken off if the OPS hadn't been chased off the blog by bullying them over one little thing.
I think that is something you want to believe.
No, it is something I witnessed.
Hello EP
In that case they always do "say hello" to everybody. Both are always careful to make sure they say "everyone" so I don' see what the problem is.
Mayo has said everyone but not all the time and I don't remember SS saying everyone. What I do remember is watching people say hello to them and seeing them skip over some of the people to say hello to others.
I had it happen every time I said something to them so I just stopped bothering to say anything to them. But I have people who have told me things in private about how that makes them feel so I am here to say something about it.
Everyone does that to everyone MJ. Why is it such a big deal when THEY are negligent like that? They are humans.
Or are they gods to you?
"
Mayo has said everyone but not all the time and I don't remember SS saying everyone. What I do remember is watching people say hello to them and seeing them skip over some of the people to say hello to others."
Examples or it didn't happen.
Oh wait, are you complaining because of SS's fixation on Ergoproxy? Does it bother you when he talks to HER?
No, it is something I witnessed.
What I witnessed was one-sided.
"Anonymous Anonymous said...
No, it is something I witnessed.
What I witnessed was one-sided.
February 19, 2009 5:00 PM"
Then you obviously haven't been paying attention. SS frequently comes to the OPS especially J, to offer her words of love and encouragement. If you think he hasn't been to her blog, think again.
From SS's blog
Wishing each and every one of you love, laughter, health and happiness.
No not everyone does that to everyone. Right now if you haven't noticed the only people who don't say hello to each other are the ones who don't like each other. I don't think you notice either that when people here have forgotten to say hello to someone they go back and say Oh sorry I didn't see you hell so and so.
Do you really think that if those two were gods to me I would talk to them this way. Don't you think I would be sticking up for them not calling them out.
If you think he hasn't been to her blog, think again.
and she would know, as she has a statcounter.
Hiya Mayo. This post sounds a little worrying. My advice is to share your worries and feelings with friends. They can be your salvation.
Get well soon Miranth, you and your car.
Then more recently I started having this heart-palpitation thingie. Again with the "oh it's a panic attack." He said that it was either panic attacks or I was eating too much chocolate. I told him, verbatim, "That's ridiculous. The only time I panic is when there isn't enough chocolate."
He didn't think that was too funny.
No funny bone, that's his problem.
Hi everyone, how are you all today?
Then you obviously haven't been paying attention. SS frequently comes to the OPS especially J, to offer her words of love and encouragement. If you think he hasn't been to her blog, think again.
Really? Anyone can come here and say words anonymously to someone. How do you know the words were intended for them? Or if that was their intention? You just don't know. It's all an assumption. Another reason not to take things too seriously here.
Both are always careful to make sure they say "everyone" so I don't see what the problem is.
the problem is more than 5-6 people here might like to "hear" their blog name "said". they might like to feel as though they were seen and heard.
I had it happen every time I said something to them so I just stopped bothering to say anything to them.
Now this makes perfect sense.
I'm a fixation? lol
Hello MissT how was London?
you all rested up again?
You just can't make MJ see any other side than her own. There is being stubborn and then there is being a bull. MJ is a bull. I feel sorry for people who have to cope with her in real life but at least I don't have to.
EP you can't deny that SS talks to YOU more than he talks to ANYONE. Do you honestly think that is fair?
I beg to differ. I think MJ is one of the brightest people here. Good for her.
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