Wednesday, December 3, 2008

What would you have me say?

Ah, the extraordinary from which I glean substance.



Aviva

In two months time, they had already taken half of your leg. And, your decision to give your eyes had been made, all the arrangements confirmed.

Your veins carried the bits and pieces of your death. Broken off from the center of your gut and pumped through your body by your two-timing heart. The debris collected in the narrows to strangle your extremities. Passageways filled and clogged. Backing up, they would finally find their way to your heart which, by that time, would be too exhausted to push any further.

You were one minute shivering with cold, the next ripping with heat. The cold hand towel placed on your forehead and the morphine on demand were your only physical relief. But the tricks that chemical played on your mind, bringing ghosts to your bedside, became your greatest emotional comfort. You claimed “She’s standing right there.” Obviously, no one else could see her she had been dead for ten years. But eavesdropping on your conversations provided insight into your fear.

"I just want to know why."

"I know, but I'm just not ready yet and I don’t want to be afraid."

"Because I don't want it to end."

While in reality, he stood tirelessly by your side. Always ready for whatever you needed, and there was never a hint of frustration, never a moment that could have been construed as forced. He was in no way put out as he took over some of the nurse’s duties relieving you of any more embarrassment. All for the things he already knew. It was his most selfless act, but at the same time provided him relief from deadful thoughts. Without question or consideration, he cared for you, cleaned you, changed your clothes, your catheter, the colostomy.

Because it was all he could do.

Along with that came the visitors, myself included, each lost in their attempts to find meaning in what seemed incomprehensible. They stumbled to find the right words to reply to your pleas of "I don't want to die." Wanting to ease your pain and take your mind off of death, they attempted small talk. When all you really wanted was someone to agree with you, take your hand and say "I know and I don't want you to die, either."

The swift destruction was overwhelming. All the poison they pumped into you, and the painful, awkward experimental treatments, failed. You had been through enough.

Then finally, “Let me bring her home.”

They delivered your hospital bed the day before you died. I know because I was there, for both. It remained by the large bedroom window, unmade and unused, for several weeks. It sat to reinforce the loss.






p.s. there is a time and a place for everything and that is neither.

3,828 comments:

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Anonymous said...

and the winner is Elena Factoid Lovely!

Anonymous said...

I have to write out xmas cards. I cant be bothered. I feel so wrong for not wanting to do it. Would be easier by txt or email for real.

gifts bags are so much easier too. of course not for kiddies. they love to rip open the paper. fun to watch them too. :)

elena said...

Thank you, thank you very much...

I'd like to thank all the little people out there for this honor....

elena said...

I don't wanna send out Christmas cards. Matter of fact, I don't think I will.

Oh no...Bah Humbug mood returning

Anonymous said...

You mean like midgets?

Hey all! I've been out doing what I hope is the last of the holiday shuffle for now. :D Most of it is all bagged up and under the sparkly tree.

ergoproxy said...

oh yay for anon and me!

*happy dance*

I have done most of my christmas shopping, couple more to get
I am starting back to school shopping for next year now, I hate those crowds more!!

I haven't done cards yet though, better get on to that, lol
I hate it too

ok i'm off to town for a bit, I'll be back in a short while

see y'all!

Anonymous said...

I'm not done! grr! Have to go now. Dinner,dishes, laundry, the usual crap. Happy wrapping errbody

Anonymous said...

BACK TO SCHOOL. Oh my gosh. I have to do that, too.

O_O

Anonymous said...

Has anyone ever seen the awesome movie Fright Night?

elena said...

I love that movie...

Anonymous said...

I do, too. I got reminded of it yesterday and I watched bits of it on Youtube. Evil Ed was not only my favorite character in the movie but he was my dream prom-date. I wasn't in high school yet but I figured that when I went he would be. O_O

Anyways, the actor who played him went on to do really hardcore porn and no one heard any mainstream news about him till recently. I guess he is going back to doing non-porny movies now. The one he's doing is not really family friendly but hey. Anyway, I hope that he continues doing regular movies, because he was so awesome in Fright Night, you know?

And to think, Chris Sarandon went on to become Jack Skellington. O_O

Anonymous said...

Remember these scenes? Oh man! Where he gets turned into a vampire was so heartbreaking!

I knew that movie by frigging heart! I wish they'd do a special edition DVD or something.

elena said...

Oh and the girl (nope can't remember her name) went on to play in "Married With Children" right?

Anonymous said...

Amanda Bearse! Yeah, I know she was in some TV show, that's probably the one. :)

ergoproxy said...

hi de ho...anyone about still?

elena said...

kinda

elena said...

Okay I'm not here. I'm just a ghost.

sdock10 said...

What's it feel like to be a ghost?


Sorry, I couldn't resist a little Adam.

Anonymous said...

Speaking of Adam, when did they decide to go on tour again? And how did I not know about it? And why are they only playing teeny little out of the way venues?

Anonymous said...

LOUDER NOW, LOUDER NOW! ^_^

They are just doing a mini-tour. Adam lives around Texas and his wife is preggers and I suppose he's trying to stick around there. :)

ergoproxy said...

hi elena
hi K
hi anon
hi sdock

I haz a new gadget, it's a digital weather wall thingy

it tells me temp, humidity, has little cloud piccies, phases of the moon, clock, and a remote sensor for outside

I love gadgets :]

sdock10 said...

Hi Anon, Hi Jules, Hi Ergo, Hi Elena!

Adam? On tour, what? Where? How?

ergoproxy said...

it is currently 10:29 am
it is 30.2C inside and 31.1C on our back veranda, the humidity is 64%, it is slightly cloudy and the moon tonight is a waning crescent

:D

sdock10 said...

Like, OMG! They are totally going to be in Athens, Georgia!!!

sdock10 said...

Ergo,

What are the winning lottery numbers for yesterday?

ergoproxy said...

ooh there is a breeze, now it is 29.7C

ergoproxy said...

I could tell you sdock but I'd have to kill you...........and take your winnings!
lol

sdock10 said...

Ergo,

We would totally split it!

Can you see into the future with that thing?

ergoproxy said...

I wish!

I'm afraid it's only good for weather.

hey I heard on this mornings news...
ok backtrack a sec, I look at our local weather radar if storms are about, and was watching the one that headed in Mon. afternoon, and after it had passed, it looked like there may be more, so I turned the computer back on and looked up the radar, and it said "no images available" and I thought "that's a bit odd" but they do a windfinding and it is turned off while they do it so I tried later, still no images, then I heard today their tower got hit by lightning!

sdock10 said...

Ergo,

O_O

Anonymous said...

Ergo, that's so neat!

Solly, are TBS really playing down by you guys? LUCKY! :)

Well, I think it's time for House. Later!

sdock10 said...

Mayo!

Wassup?

I'm so looking forward to the vanilla milkshake that I'm about to make myself and tonight's episode of House!!

Actually, it's ALL about the milkshake, dude!

And don't even play like you have no clue about vanilla milkshake excitement.

sdock10 said...

Jules,

Well, Athens is kinda far to be driving on a Thursday night, so I doubt we'll go.

Oh well....there's always that chance for meeting up in the middle somewheres.

sdock10 said...

***Milkshake update***

Everything I wanted it to be and more.

Yum!

elena said...

I'm watching "Transformers" in HD - Man, this is cool.

elena said...

I always get upset when they capture Bumblebee.

Okay, it's crazy cause I've seen this four times.

Amyranth said...

Poor Bumblebee!! I prefer Movie Bumblebee to Comic Bumblebee.

elena said...

Hi Amy

I can't wait for the new Transformers movie. There are so many great movies I'm waiting for.

sdock10 said...

Awwwwwwheeee! Cuddy is gonna get a baby! House made me get all emo tonight!

ergoproxy said...

I love the sound the transformers make
and starscream

Amyranth said...

Hallo Elena! The new TF will hopefully be worth it. Mister was pissed over Megatron and Starscream looking so different.

ergoproxy said...

Hi amy!

Anonymous said...

I know Solly! I was, too. Then Foreman and 13, WTF? I thought she was into girls! But I'm glad if Foreman finally gets some.

I HATE that House is moving ot Monday. I'm at KF really late on Mondays. >_<

Amyranth said...

Hallo Ergo!

I think it would have worked out better if they'd kept the original decepticons, instead of changing them up so much. They kept the autobots similar.

sdock10 said...

Yeah, Jules! When 13 started kissing on Foreman, I turned to my Mama and said, "it was way hotter when she was making out with chicks", but yay for Foreman, I guess.

And Mondays, what's up with that?

Oh I bet it has something to do with American Idol Season 32.

ergoproxy said...

they did tiz them up a lot
Megatron was incredibly different

Amyranth said...

Megatron looked like a bunch of metal encased icicles. Starscream wasn't much better. Evil does not always = spikes.

ergoproxy said...

they were very spikey weren't they.
I must admit that was my only real annoyance, apart from Bumblebee not being a VW anymore, as they are cute cars, but the camaro was ok
the Decepticons were almost so over detailed you lost the ability to see them properly, too many things were attached so their shape looked really 'busy'. Whereas the Autobots were simpler and closer to the cartoon,and you could appreciate the extra detail as it wasn't so confusing to look at

elena said...

Oh it's over but never fear it's HBO and Lord knows they show the same movies over and over. I'll just look at another HBO channel and find it, I bet.

elena said...

What's "Disturbia"? Never heard of it. Anyone know if it's a good movie?

Amyranth said...

Ergo, you pinned it. I couldn't tell Megatron's face from his ass. No kidding, there was really no way to tell.

But they can't go back now, and I bet you they didn't want to use old-school Megatron because of his normal form being a Walther P38. Really, how do you explain that?

Amyranth said...

Elena, Disturbia is a remake of Alfred Hitchcock's Rear Window. It also stars Shia Laboof... er... LaBeef?

Um.

LaBuff?

Hmmm..

Anonymous said...

hey everyone

Amyranth said...

Hiya BC!

I'll be back in a bit, gonna have a bath and do my dishes.

ergoproxy said...

Hi BC

I was going to say what amy did, it's a teen updated Rear Window, but it is not bad

Anonymous said...

Hiya Amykins! See you later

Anonymous said...

Hi there ergo

ergoproxy said...

hi BC

ergoproxy said...

apparently they have replaced the "Jack Sparrow" guys at the Disneyland ride with fairies, as women kept flashing their chests at them O_o

Amyranth said...

O_O

Johnny Depp must see a lot of tits on a day to day basis.

Anonymous said...

Ivana Bangkok

ergoproxy said...

you know Scott Baio is still a pretty good looking guy
Chachi grew up well

Anonymous said...

hello
:)

Anonymous said...

hi there anon :)

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello,


This is a hit and run. I received an email today with two cute cats talking about loving you and friendship and was asked to froward it. Unfortunately Gmail has decided that it won't be playing nice. So This is my way of forwarding that email to everyone who reads this.


That is all. Because I am pissed. Later

mya said...

Hi, Martha!

This is also a "Hit and Run"!

I've just posted the most hilarious thing on my Blog!

You've GOT to go check this out and then make your own!

I've been having WAY too much fun with this shit today!

mya said...

P.S.


I'd do Scott Baio in a skinny minute!

As for Johnny Depp... He's my daughter's REAL father!

I WISH!

ergoproxy said...

hi anon, hi MJ Mya

thanks MJ :]

mya said...

Elena,

Disturbia...

My 2 cents...

It was an ill-attempt at a remake of the Hitchcock's wonderful Rear Window.

As far as I'm concerned, there are certain movies that should NEVER be remade. Like, can you imagine someone trying to remake The Godfather? Please...

While we're on the subject...

I also don't think certain Christmas songs should EVER be attempted by ANYONE! First, and foremost, John Lennon's! NO ONE should EVER try to do that! It doesn't work, will never work, just leave it alone!

mya said...

Hi, Ergo!

I went to the Post Office today with a package for you!!

Carrie said...

OMG at earlier Fright Night talk, I was all over that movie, went to see it at the theater, and was TOTALLY in love with Evil Ed. Evil Ed porn? Just ewww, and sad. And also did not realize until now it was the same chick from Married with Children, who turned out to be a lesbian, thus maybe explaining the total lack of chemistry between her and whoever it was who played Charley. And Chris Sarandon! Did not know he was Jack Skellington. Also, I had a huge crush on Roddy McDowall, I think from some show called Fantastic Journeys or some such, all I know is there was a time travel thing and Ike Eisenmann was in it too. Also, now I have to watch Fright Night again!

mya said...

Ha! Ha! Ergo got my email!!!!!!!

That is just toooooo funny!

You've got to try it with your family!

Carrie said...

Mya, I gotta disagree, Bert kills Happy Christmas (War is Over).

mya said...

Especially if you have goofy pictures of them!

mya said...

Nope, Carrie! Never! NO ONE can EVER remake John Lennon's song with the same feeling and emotion!

mya said...

Or, maybe, it's just because, I remember when it came out... It was so... I can't explain it...

mya said...

I sent your's today too, Carrie!

mya said...

I'm sending a total of 9 packages for my Mayo friends...

That's all that wanted my gifts...

It is not too late, y'know...

mya said...

Ergo, it is colder than a witch's titty here!

Carrie said...

Dude, you gotta check it at least. I do get what you're saying, they both have a different feeling. But the remake? I think John would dig it.

Carrie said...

OOOh, yayness on packages!!!

mya said...

I'm going to bed.

Don't forget to check out my Blog!

It is Hilarious!

mya said...

Carrie, I feel the same way about Imagine...

mya said...

OH!

The WORST Christmas song EVER recorded: The Pretenders!

Sorry... I love the Pretenders, but that Christmas song is so fucking off-key that it makes me cringe every time I hear it!

mya said...

Now, I'm saying:

Good Night!

ergoproxy said...

Hi carrie!


Mya I think you can get an attachment to a song and nothing ever sounds as good, I feel that way with some stuff, even though the remake might be good, it's just not 'right'

and I will look forward to the parcel :]


and I had to think of Disturbia as a movie on it's own, I couldn't compare it to Rear Window, that was too good, I would have been disappointed if I'd paid for the movie, but on TV it's not as terrible as a lot of stuff



CARRIE I LOVED RODDY McDOWELL TOO!!!!
It was the Fantastic Journey, and so many other shows and movies!

Anonymous said...

Goodnight mya. Hi there carrie. Hi and bye mj

Carrie said...

Fantastic Journey, my first love of a series that got ruined by the cruel heartless networks! Good lord I loved that show, I can't even recall a full episode, but I know in my heart I loved it. Oh, and there was a chick named Leona too, dang, I need to get my google on.

ergoproxy said...

goodnight Mya sweet dreams

Carrie said...

OOh, sorry Lianna. Gah, there were only 10 episodes!!! I am really imprintable!

Amyranth said...

OH YUM.

Cupcake batter heals all wounds, bounds the soul together that was once in pieces, and it's a great late-night snack.

Carrie said...

ewww, cookie dough I can get, but cupcake batter seems all wrong and stuff.

ergoproxy said...

lol, google fu- activate!!!

oh the 70's was a brilliant time for sci-fi tv series, Planet of the Apes, Lost in Space, Star Trek, Land of the Lost, Thunderbirds....

Carrie said...

OMG Land of the Lost. Got those off of Netflix, and couldn't believe I was soooo in love with the show. I had this whole thing of rocks I would play with in the driveway to do the whole "pylon" thing, and I swear to this day, I get Sleestaks sneaking into my dreams. It's funny what resonates with a person.

Amyranth said...

*pouts*

Just means I get all the cupcake batter to myself.

ALL OF IT.

Carrie said...

Oh, and actually, Doctor Who. Mine was the curly haired guy with the scarf, used to watch him on PBS in the afternoons. It cracks me up that Annie is totally obsessed with the same character today. Her special effects are way better. I think the sonic screwdriver in my day was just, well, a screwdriver, and they played music when he used it. :)

Carrie said...

Amy, no raw eggs, right? Or are you all living on the edge and stuff?

ergoproxy said...

oh and Space 1999, I loved that show too, with the woman with the caterpillar eyebrows, Maya (thank you google)

and why does everyone in the future wear tight fitting velour suits, their worst enemy in space would be static cling!

Amyranth said...

Carrie, I've been alive 25 years, and eating various unbaked goods, complete with raw eggs has not done a bloody thing to me at all.

Besides, it's the outer shell that carries the salmonella contaminate, not the interior.

But they ARE past the expiry date. By almost a month.

XD

I REALLY don't wanna go to work tomorrow.

Carrie said...

We totally had an album with a read along book for Space 1999. Also, there was a Star Trek one too we had. Damn, I bet my brother totally stole those. But! I still have my Enterprise playset, complete with transporter, and dolls!

ergoproxy said...

I started Dr Who with Jon Pertwee, the older white haired guy with the purple velvet jacket and floppy cuffs, just befoer Tom Baker (and did I want one of those scarves!!!)
(though they did show repeats of the first 2 doctors William Hartnell and Partick Troughton)


did you ever see Day of the Triffids?

Carrie said...

Ewwww, old eggs!!! You are waaaay less OCD than me. It is the vigorousness of youth, that is what I shall blame it on.

ergoproxy said...

you're kidding!!!
and enterprise!!!
how cool

Carrie said...

Ergo, no, I have to admit I didn't. Annie picks a lot of stuff up on Youtube, for all I know she has! I still want to know why one of them had a celery shoved in his jacket! She is way into the comics now, they are doing a new series called The Forgotten, and it's highlighting all the past Docs, she and I both are learning things.

Carrie said...

Yep, Ergo, I still have the entire playset, plus Kirk, Spock, and a Klingon, and some of their stuff like itty phasers. I looooved playing with those things, but they always had to go to the Planet of Giant Women, since they were way smaller than my Barbies.

Amyranth said...

I have a Tie Fighter hanging in the corner of my living room, and half a garrison's worth of Stormtroopers protecting a small model Stanley Cup on a shelf in the basement.

Carrie, vigour, ignorance, whatever. So long as I get a day off!

ergoproxy said...

hahahaha ingenious Carrie

have a look for D of the T, it was made by the BBC, giant nasty alien plants attack people, if you like Dr Who I'd say you'd like it

ergoproxy said...

we have a starwars sand thingy, that Luke flies along in Star Wars, the brown one, and a heap of figures, and some transformers

Carrie said...

Sounds good, Ergo. And I totally raise Amy's Tie Fighter with a GLOW in The Dark Enterprise. Also, again, where the hell is that thing? I totally put in a ton of man hours on it, and have no idea where it is. Also again, suspect my brother. That's okay, he will probably be the one stuck taking care of my parents, so he may have the trappings of my youth free and clear.

Carrie said...

OOh, Ergo, I know the sand thingy of which you speak, we had one too. Oh! And Charlie's Angels dolls! But those weren't mine, they were by brother's, because his first name is Charlie. I think my parents were trying to be cute. :)

Amyranth said...

Carrie, I see your Enterprise and remind you that Star Wars is one of the best, and most rewatchable franchises in Sci-Fi.

Except for Episode 1 and 2. We'll just pretend those didn't exist.

Carrie said...

There were other parts, Amy? And who is this Jar Jar Binks?

Amyranth said...

Couldn't tell you Carrie.

What kind of name is that? Jar-Jar, sounds like a clown.

ergoproxy said...

I have wiped knowledge of that unfortunate character and do not wish to be reminded..

but that racing thing young Anakin flew made the most awesome sound


I wanted a Snow Walker, I saw one at the shops the other day

Amyranth said...

A Snow Walker? That they used on Hoth?

I think that's called an AT-AT isn't it?

ergoproxy said...

ok I am looking at engrish things and I had to laugh at this

what Gerard has to say to overzealous drummer fans

ergoproxy said...

I am not aware it had a name, it probably did, I just thought they were the best things, unless someone inconveniently ties their legs up

Carrie said...

Hee, Amy! Okay, I must be off, I suspect another snow day is coming (yes! it snowed enough to cancel school today) but I'm still not assuming. Night Ergo, thanks for the old tv talk!

Amyranth said...

Goodnight Carrie!!

Ergo, if they actually sell AT-AT's in Australia, I might have to import one from you, I haven't seen one here yet.

Even an old one would blow Mister's mind completely. The one Christmas Toy he never got.

Amyranth said...

Anyway, I should get myself to bed. No snow day for me, but maybe a reaction to raw egg? Just a mild one?

Maybe not.

Goodnight Lovelies.

Hey Mayo, SS, what was the one toy you really wanted, but you didn't get for Christmas?

Goodnight!

ergoproxy said...

goodnight Carrie

goodnight Amy

sweet dreams

and you have got to watch this
it's so funny

Anonymous said...

Goodnight carrie and amy

miranth said...

Anyone here?

miranth said...

I guess that's a no then.

BC - :) *hugs* I hope things are well and I am glad the date went well. I say goofy things on dates too - usu. the guys are cool and laugh with me, not at me. :) I don't know what happened after because I am about 1000 comments behind, but I am glad you had the courage to go for it. *hugs*

Wendy - When are you going on your trip? Is it in January?

I feel a bit out of the loop and it feels different reading here when you are not a part of it.

I have been sorting through stored possessions and reminiscing, as I rarely throw anything away. I found an old CD stash too and it takes me back. Much fun. :)

Mayo - This post reminds me of my father. He had a leg amputated before he died and he was furious and refused the doctors permission to do it. He lived through WWII and survived intact (well sort of) and he was damned if doctors would deprive him of a limb at that late stage. (His heart had given out.) After they took a piece of him, he was never fully conscious as he would thrash about in a fury, so they kept him under.

The thing is, I did get to spend time with him before that dire stage. He would wait until I was very busy with something and interrupt me to speak of the past. (He thought interrupting me was funny. He would make a point of pulling up a chair directly in my path.) I don't remember what we talked about, but I don't think the details are important. Though, I do find that if I concentrate very deeply, I can still remember some of his words - and hear them in his voice.

And, yes, all of this was a long, long time ago.

I hope this helps. I know it helps me.

Thank you for that.

:)

Take care of yourselves and each other!

Anonymous said...

Miranth, are you still here?

ergoproxy said...

Hi miranth
you still about?

elena said...

Mayo

Well damn. I fell asleep after watching Transformers and missed all kinds of interesting discussions tonight. See that’s what happens when I take cold medicine. That’s why I hate medicine. I doze off and have dreams about singing rocks and miss Star Wars conversations. I would much rather been discussing Taun Tauns then dreaming about pieces of granite singing “We Are The World.” Medicine of any kind and I don’t mix.

So now it’s 3 am and I’m dead awake. Dead awake? Okay that’s just a stupid saying. I’ve heard that one my entire life and just now realized how silly that sounds. How can you be dead and awake? Why am I even thinking about this? Totally gonna blame the cold medicine again. Just what the hell is in that stuff that messes with me so badly? I don’t know.

Oh anyway since I’m awake (and not dead as far as I can tell) I’ll just go ahead and tell you what happened yesterday that I didn’t get to tell you about last night. Stormy gave me a very nice early Christmas gift. She came home and Fred was here so she told me that after I took Fred home I was supposed to wake her up because she needed to talk to me. Gotta admit at first I was a bit worried. I thought something was wrong but when I went up to talk to her she told me to close my eyes. When I opened them she handed me a gift she’d made for me. It’s a frame that contains two pictures. One is the photo of Stormy and I that I posted here. It’s the one from the day that she and I went out shopping. The day she wanted to comment here after you posted. The other picture is your finger painting. Okay that may sound weird but you need to understand that this is Stormy’s way of telling me she understands this place is special to me. See for a long time I caught a lot of static from my girls about this blog. They called all of my friends here my “make believe” friends. Over the past year however the got to meet TJ and Flightly has met Anima and OP J and L. So now they are beginning to understand that these people really do exist and really are my friends. So Stormy making that picture for me really touched my heart. On the back is a note that tells me how much she loves me. Yep, it’s totally a gift that touches my heart. I just wanted to share that story with you.

Well since no one seems to be here I guess I’ll go see what’s on TV. This time of night, or early morning I suppose, there are some really entertaining shows. Entertaining in this instance translates to weird but that’s okay. Or maybe I’ll get out my DVD of Empire Strikes Back. All the earlier talk about Taun Tauns has made me nostalgic. You take care.

Night Mayo

Elena (the rocks sang off-key)

Anonymous said...

Goodnight elena

ergoproxy said...

goodnight elena , sweet...watching tv or whatever you choose to do

that is a lovely gift from Stormy too, very very thoughtful and meaningful, plus it must have meant a lot to her, to want you to wake her when you got home

ergoproxy said...

Mayo
not much to say tonight, good day, good food, good wine and goodnight :]
I'm off to bed
wishing you a happy Wednesday, spontaneity, reflection and joy
much love EP xx


SS
gotcha nose!! *waves hand with thumb tucked under and between first 2 finger*
can't get it baaaaack!!
hee hee
sending you health, happiness and hugs
lotsa love EP xx


goodnight blogbelieve, see you in my morning
♥xx♥

ergoproxy said...

oh elena I did wonder where you got to!
good medicine obviously!

sdock10 said...

The Killers meet Wednesday. Wednesday meet The Killers.

Uncle Johnny

When everybody else refrained
My uncle Johnny did cocaine
He's convinced himself right in his brain
That it helps to take away the pain
Hey, Johnny
Hey what you say Johnny

I wanna go out tonight
Come a little closer to the city lights
Levitation aint your only friend
Levitation coming back again
Feel a burning in your body's core
It's a yearning that you cant ignore
Now I wanna go out tonight

S-s-superman and hold on tight
He's convinced himself right in his brain
That it helps to take away the pain
Hey, Johnny
Hey what you say Johnny

My appetite aint got no heart
I said my appetite aint got no heart
Shocking people when you feel that pull
Shock 'em, drop 'em when you know its full

I feel a burning in your body's core
It's a yearning that you cant ignore
I gotta go out tonight
Hey Johnny I got faith in you man
I mean it, it's gonna be all right
He's convinced himself right in his brain
That it helps to take away the pain
Hey what you say Johnny

Tell us what's going on
Feel's like everything's wrong
Hey what you say Johnny
If the future is real
Johnny, you've got to heal
Hey what you say Johnny

When everybody else refrained
My uncle Johnny did cocaine



This is the song that is playing in my head today. Like I would expect anything else.

Hmmm.....

Have a happy in the middle of the week kind of day, Mayo, BlogBelieve, SS.

Anon616 said...

Good morning/afternoon/evening Mayo, SS, Ergo, Mya, Sweetcheeks, Martha, Amy, Elena... everyone!

How are you all today? Good, I hope!

Apologies for not having caught up properly. There just aren't enough hours in the day anymore!

I hope you're all doing well and not feeling nearly as rushed as I am.

Have a great day everyone!

Hugs and Love,
~Namaste~
6/Wendy

Hi PJ, FASC, Possum, Lewis, KD, EB37 and Star!

elena said...

Morning people...

Mayo rise and shine!!!

Come on shine, you can do it.

Anonymous said...

Kapunua said...

Ouch.

I agree though, when it comes to Frances. She's been used her entire life and she still is. "Rock royalty" indeed.

November 25, 2008 1:03 PM


Anonymous Anonymous said...

So this all I needed to declare that I am offically done with Gerard Way and My Chemical Romance.

Good fucking riddance!

Message to Gerard:
(if he ever comes across it, which I doubt, but what the hell, let me go for it.)

Your a prick and far from an original. Enjoy your fake fans, which I think you tried to eliminate, but inturn your eliminated most of your real fans. Hope you have a good life with your nobody of your wife and I hope you have a splendid amount of children, maybe they'll be more wiser then you.

Thank you for reminding me to never place my hopes on horrible entertainers such as you, espacially after stating that you and your band wanted to help kids all over this beautiful world.

Thanks for changing.
& Thank you VV for giving me a place to voice my opinion.

Good-bye all. :)

P.S. Gerard, you've lost a real fan btw, just letting you know that now.

November 25, 2008 1:53 PM


Anonymous Anonymous said...

someone should ask one of them on Twitter why they are only giving $1000 to charity when they are going to make much more than that through the fans texting.


a $1000 is pathetic for a band like MCR to give and they're not even giving it, the fans are. they've really turned into some cheap fucks.

November 25, 2008 3:13 PM

Bleeding Chaos said...

2:57,

I respect the fact that the money is being donated for charity, but I have to admit, that's a kinda shitty way of doing it.


5:48,

Hahaha. I'm sorry ,but that was kinda funny.

November 25, 2008 6:28 PM


Anonymous said...

"You go save the world. I'll just be myself."

wow

November 28, 2008 1:11 PM

Anonymous said...

Apparently, now Bob thinks it's cute to use the word "cunt". If I had a twitter account (which I do not), I would go to their website and say that I have a piece of "art" that says "P R I C K" and I call it "Bob".

November 30, 2008 10:34 AM


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, the twitter thing isn't making the other guys look too good either. I used to think it was just Gerard who was acting like a douchebag, but apparently, Douchebaggery is contagious.

November 30, 2008 10:40 AM
Blogger Siobhan said...

They should change their tag to Thanks for your money! You can fuck off now!

November 30, 2008 11:04 AM
Anonymous cupcake said...

He probably doesn't have a girlfriend because he has C.U.N.T. on the wall in his house.

That word physically hurts.

November 30, 2008 11:16 AM

Kapunua said...

You know, this band is having some kind of identity crisis. At first it seemed like just Gerard, but now it's just "MCR." They are clearly trying very, very hard to appear "edgy" and "dangerous." The only problem is that they look like a bunch of fools. Bob just showed himself to be a total douche. I mean, what was the point of doing that? Isn't it a little, well, pointless?

I wonder how it feels that their only defense is a bunch of badly-spelled kudos from teenies and the rare adult fangirl?

MRC is just a joke anymore. I feel embarrassed that I ever even listened to them. I've deleted all their music and tossed the one t shirt I got.

It doesn't matter to them, of course, and why should it? They have utter respect for the fans('s wallets.) And they won't mind a few ex fans walking away for the right reasons, when they're going to pull a million bucks off a bunch of trendy scene-queens with their new album, which I understand is tentatively titled Smell The Glove.

LOL but I hear it's supposed to be SEXY!

November 30, 2008 3:30 PM

Siobhan said...

I think Bob the flop learned his 'lighten up it's only a joke'-mentality at the 'take satire and jokes as excuse for every bullshit you say and do'-school controlled by MSI.

December 6, 2008 2:30 PM

Anonymous Laura said...

The way JU and Chantal act in that video is disgusting, but that's expected.

December 6, 2008 5:08 PM

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...

I think most people got their impressions of Gerard from LOTMS. The one who talked about hating sexism and getting sober.That guy was a total fabrication.

December 6, 2008 8:14 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gerard has all the hallmarks of someone with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. He thinks the truth is for other people. He makes up his reality to suit whatever image he wants to project at the time. He treats people as pawns (Eliza, Kat, Bert M, Matt P, etc) who have no feelings of their own. His only concern is how they fit into his world.

In the end, I doubt Lindsey and a baby will be any different.

December 9, 2008 4:04 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just Karma, 5:02. That and the fact that luck eventually runs out.

MCR has lived a charmed life these past few years and now Gerard seems to be biting the hand that feeds him. With his attitude I can't see MCR's good fortune continuing much longer.

December 9, 2008 5:07 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gerard doesn't know the meaning of feminism, any more than Lindsey does.

December 9, 2008 7:25 AM
Kapunua said...



All the things that Gerard said about racism and sexism, Kurt Cobain said first, almost word for word. I have no idea how Gerard ever thought that some of us wouldn't remember Kurt saying that, unless he knew from the start that his fanbase would be made up almost entirely of twelve year olds. However, there were a few of us adults who were music fans and were taken in by what he had to say. We are old enough to remember Kurt saying those things first.

Gerard, I think, thought he was going to be the Second Coming of Kurt Cobain.

And the biggest difference between how I felt about Kurt and how I now feel about Gerard was that, to my knowledge, Kurt never sold out his female fanbase because of who he was banging. You would never in a million years have heard Kurt telling a crowd of a few thousand young girls to simulate an orgasm for him. Kurt and his fans had a touchy relationship at best, but he never once treated his female fanbase like whores.

December 9, 2008 11:47 AM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i think Gerard was just trying to be as "outrageous" as Jimmy Urine was at PR to impress him.

December 9, 2008 1:32 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know, 4:34. Somehow I don't see Gerard as being the type of person who learns from his mistakes. He'd have to be willing to admit that he's capable of making them first and I don't see him doing that, unless he can use it to tell a story (as in the quitting drugs/drinking cold turkey story he was so fond of telling during the Revenge/LOTMS era).

December 9, 2008 7:57 PM

Anonymous Anonymous said...

^I never believed that either. I also don't think Gerard would have admitted to having screwed up unless he knew he was going to get a ton of mileage out of that story. And he milked it for all it was worth.

Also, I would just like to say that I think Ray is the only member of MCR that I still like. From the posts on the website he seems to be the nicest and the most grounded. Also, he writes about awesome films and cool technical stuff instead of stupid shit like reality tv.

I'm still not going to support MCR anymore though. Sorry Ray.


December 9, 2008 8:14 PM

Anonymous said...

Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's a pretty well-known fact that Gerard used to troll Stafoo back in the day. Apparently, he had an lj sock and he even used to comment occasionally, both on Stafoo and chemicalromance. I've also heard he was rude to fans who were carrying signs or wearing t-shirts pertaining to Nigel (which was originally a Stafoo joke) at shows. Frank even joked once about reading Stafoo so he could rib Gerard about it.

Why would he go looking for negative comments about himself or the wifey? Simple. Ego. He wants to know that people are still talking about him and whether it is good or bad, it still feeds his ego. Have you ever read the things he says when MCR gets votes for Worst Band in Kerrang? He brags about that meaning they are ruffling feathers and being relevant.

I think he's nuts and apparently, I'm not alone.

December 10, 2008 4:57 AM


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well 12:44 Gerard is hanging out with Frances whose mother is the active poster child for "any publicity is good publicity". Not to mention that he an ego maniac so reading anything about himself good or bad probably gives him a high.

I To me it just reads as truly desperate. Frank's "Gerard is a blogging god" post had me laughing. Someone should tell Reprise that its too late for damage control. Gerard alienated his fanbase because he was under the impression that the legion of screaming sheep would be enough to cover all the fans who had been there because of the music. He was obviously wrong because the screaming sheep have moved on. The Black Parade isn't the only thing dead, MCR have followed.

December 10, 2008 5:16 AM

Blogger Siobhan said...

Gerard did admit that watching reality tv kills a few brain cells and no one wants to be known as a dumbass.

Yes, but that doesn't have to mean that he's reading the blog! Perhaps he only read his entries again and had the feeling that it wasn't really smart to admit that he's watching so much reality t.v. and wanted to relativize his post?
If I was Gerard and would read this blog I would either try to shut it down or write angry comments as an anon.
I just don't think that he has the balls to come here himself and read what his ex-fans think of him.

December 10, 2008 7:44 AM

Anonymous said...

i think if Gerard really cared about what people thought of him he would have never turned his "good guy" image into the prick that he is now. he could give two shits about what a few ex fans are saying about him. he probably is laughing at us.

December 10, 2008 7:56 AM

Anonymous said...

Siobhan,


do you really think he cares? the twenty people that post here over and over aren't going to make his Comic go under by them not buying it. he has plenty of teenage fans to keep his career going.

December 10, 2008 8:09 AM

Blogger Martha Jones said...

MCR do have one thing going for them. A lot of the old fans who know the history have left. Fan sites have gone dead and the only fans still around are the one who think that anything bad that has happen or the lying was made up by us.


If the next album is any good they might get some new fans. But than everything will start over again because Gerard can't seem to keep from being an asshole and pissing off the fans.

December 10, 2008 8:49 AM

Anonymous said...

^I read that all at VV's why did you copy it here? It's well known that Amyranth doesn't want negative Gerard comments over here and she ASKED for them to stay at VV's which is why most haters went there.

Anonymous said...

12:22


no one gives a fuck about what Amyranth wants. this isn't her blog. go kiss her ass on her own blog.

Anonymous said...

Amyranth also said she doesn't want movie quotes and poetry on this blog but people still sometimes do that too.

Anonymous said...

Amyranth also said she doesn't want movie quotes and poetry on this blog but people still sometimes do that too.

elena said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

I have a question. Has SS been around here since Frank signed up for the MSI tour?

I used to comment alot when the blog started and I stopped pretty much last spring when it started to get really bad here. Then I recently started reading again.

SS came here in the beginning to make it seem like he was FRANK and Frank was on your side. He made it seem like he agreed with all of you.

Either SS isn't Frank or Frank played you all.

Has SS been back here to talk to you all since the MSI tour got announced? Just curious, I'm trying to figure this out.

elena said...

Well here then let me go on record with my name nicely in Blue. I get really tired of reading all the anti-Gerard shit here. If I wanted to read it I know where to find it and I know who I'll find there.

However, is it wrong I just want to talk to friend about random shit and not have to scroll over all the "we hate Gerard cause he's a douche now" comments?

Wait I had more...

You don't like Gerard that's fine with me. You want to give your opinion, that's great. But copy and pasting tons of comments ain't giving your opinion.

Anonymous said...

SS is not Frank.

Anonymous said...

Elena it's fine if you don't like reading it but you can't tell people what they can and can't post. It's not your blog.

Anonymous said...

SS might not be Frank but he definitely pretended to be Frank.

Do you think that's why he won't come back?

Anonymous said...

But copy and pasting tons of comments ain't giving your opinion.


Yes it is. And the opinions of others too. When this blog started we all came here to vent about how we felt about MCR. That was before people tried to make rules about what we could say here.

Carrie said...

I gotta second Elena on that one, I mean, yeah, everyone is entitled to their opinions and stuff, but I know where to find VV's blog, as probably do most of the people who post here. Copying and pasting and putting it here just seems like you're trying to stir something up.

Anonymous said...

Mayo pretended to be Gerard too.

We stayed so why would that keep SS away?

Anonymous said...

I get really tired of reading all the anti-Gerard shit here.


You act like it happens every day. It's not even every week. There's much more fangirling going on than anything else.

Maybe I and other's get tired of reading the fangirling.

Anonymous said...

If I want tv and movie quotes, I know where to fing them too. Get it yet?

Anonymous said...

"Copying and pasting and putting it here just seems like you're trying to stir something up."

No, maybe some people just know that the band members lurk here.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Anonymous said...

^I read that all at VV's why did you copy it here? It's well known that Amyranth doesn't want negative Gerard comments over here and she ASKED for them to stay at VV's which is why most haters went there.

December 10, 2008 12:22 PM


Amy also said she wanted people like you to stop posting what she said. If you cared about her or saw her as a friend you would stop.


As far as the negative comments about MCR. We should have never have stopped saying them over here. We were trying to be nice to some friends but that was a mistake.


As another anon said this is not amy's or your blog. People can post pretty much what they want. And if that other anon thinks what we say at VV's should be posted here more power to them.

Anonymous said...

I get tired of the comments about how great Gerard is but I don't tell you all to take it somewhere else.

Anonymous said...

"As another anon said this is not amy's or your blog."

Yea, we all know it's K's blog.

elena said...

Anon you're right it's not my blog. But my opinion is that it's really annoying to see comment after comment after comment copied and pasted from another place.

I just think if you feel a certan way then say it yourself. Give your opinion not someone elses.

Anonymous said...

and use your own words.

Anonymous said...

As another anon said this is not amy's or your blog. People can post pretty much what they want. And if that other anon thinks what we say at VV's should be posted here more power to them.

December 10, 2008 12:51 PM


Thanks. I agree. We feel like there's more of a chance of it being read over here.

Why should our opinions get shoved to the side just because others don't agree with it?

I get tired of reading the Gerard fangirling here but I would never tell those people not to post those opinions here. I just ignore them.

Anonymous said...

By the way some of us were those anonymous comments at VVs. So that is our opinion.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Elena I get tired of reading all your positive shit about the band. I tried to be nice to you and everyone who still likes them but all I get from you and other is that you don't want to hear it. Well then skip over it. Other people have the right to post how they feel here. This is not an MCr fan site.

Carrie said...

I don't really see many comments about how great Gerard is, I mostly see people having conversations and then a copy and paste plonk in the middle of it for apparently no reason. Now granted, that's not what happened today.

Anonymous said...

Amy also said she wanted people like you to stop posting what she said.


She asked us to stop reposting The Fix because most of you read it already but she never said stop defending her when things like this happen. No one should be hunted, including Amy and Gerard.

Carrie said...

And if you really do think band members read this blog and you want them to know, okay then, I understand why. We can agree on mutual scrollage past. :)

Anonymous said...

I don't really see many comments about how great Gerard is,


Then maybe you're not around here too much.

elena said...

Yeah well if someone went to another site and copy and pasted comment after comment about how wonderful Gerard is, I wouldn't like that either.

Martha if you want your words here then put them here yourself. I respect your opinion and your right to put it here. Why does an anon need to copy and paste them?

Anonymous said...

Gerard is great at entertaining me. The band has talent, unlike most today. What he does after he sings is his business.

Anonymous said...

And if you really do think band members read this blog and you want them to know, okay then, I understand why. We can agree on mutual scrollage past. :)


Thanks. Maybe not band members but people who know them. We want them to know that not all of us are fansheep and they lost alot of good fans who used to like MCR.

Anonymous said...

I agree with Elena. That was another great point that Amyranth tried to make to save this blog. This just interrupts the flow of the conversation. Amyranth said she didn't like to be interrupted..... well no one does! That's why we shouldn't have to read this.

Anonymous said...

Elena I agree. That was another thing that Amyranth said that I agreed with when she was trying to save this blog. Amyranth doesn't like to be interrupted, the flow of the conversation. NO ONE DOES. That's why this bashing is un necessary. It interrupts the flow.

Anonymous said...

posted twice sorry.

Anonymous said...

God forbid someone should do something here that Amyranth doesn't like.

I vote that Mayo should change the url to its-amyranth instead of mayonaise since everyone thinks she owns the blog.

elena said...

Martha I have never gotten angry about your opinion of Gerard. I know how you feel and I'm okay with that. When is it you feel I've been unkind to you cause I have to say that really surprises me.

Anonymous said...

No one interrupted the flow of anything. No one was talking when we posted those.

Anonymous said...

"I know how you feel and I'm okay with that."

The fact that you even have to point out that you're OK with her not liking Gerard is so..... weird.

Anonymous said...

Mayo should CHECK HIS STAT COUNTER to see who these trolls are.

Anonymous said...

Some of you do think you're above the rest of us so it didn't surprise me.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Amy does own the blog. It sure isn't Gerard Way or all the posts would be about reality TV, Bingo and Jabba Glob.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

The last few times I have come here people have been going on and on about TUA or what was being said at twitter.

I have no problem with you liking them or even talking about them positively but when someone has something negative to say you all but tell them to gtfo. You say I don't want to read that.


I do find that surprising because most of the time you talk about respect for people and what they have to say but I don't see that for my opinion.

Carrie said...

I don't think it's trolling to state an opinion, it's not like it's a personal attack on someone.

elena said...

I pointed out that I'm okay with Martha not liking Gerard because she made it seem like I'm not.

I know people have different opinions and I accept that. I don't try to change people's opinions about things. And I don't want them to try to change mine.

Is that weird?

Carrie said...

I like TUA, but not necessarily because of Gerard.

elena said...

Martha

I am always glad to see you here. That is the truth. I have no problem with your opinions of Gerard. All I tried to point out is this...

If you want to say something about him please do. But say it here and post it yourself.

Anonymous said...

I have seen what MJ describes. This used to be a place where we could be honest in our opinion of Gerard. Now we're told we should shut up and take it to VV's.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

How do I put this.

Look at what happened when anon posted our words from VV"s. Someone came on and said those opinions were not welcome here. Elena you agreed. Most of the time you would talk about respect for other people and their opinion. But when it comes to have a negative opinion on MCR you take a stance of it being unwelcome here.


Anonymous said...

Gerard is great at entertaining me. The band has talent, unlike most today. What he does after he sings is his business
Anon Gerard didn't keep his personal life off the stage he brought it on full center for everyone to see. And being a great entertainer doesn't excuse asshole or childish behavior.

Anonymous said...

Amy did once specifically say that negative comments about Gerard should be kept to VV's and Elena agreed with her.

Carrie said...

Gotta go eat lunch and get ready for work. Bye MJ, Elena, and anons. Have a nice rest of the day.

Anonymous said...

Amyranth said a lot of things she thinks didn't belong here but I don't see why we all have to do what she says. or what? She will call us names or tell us to eat a bag of fried assholes? What's the worst she can do to you?

Martha Smith-Jones said...

elena said...

Martha

I am always glad to see you here. That is the truth. I have no problem with your opinions of Gerard. All I tried to point out is this...

If you want to say something about him please do. But say it here and post it yourself.


Other than this discussion that I happened upon I don't really have any reason to be here any more. I don't feel welcome.

The only way you may see my name is if someone c & s my comments from VV's. Also on the C&Ping that person isn't repeatedly posting the comments. S/he sees something they think is important and comes over and posts it. They usually leave it up to the people here to decide if they want to talk about it.


They don't repeately post it saying that it is done to make the blog better.

elena said...

no sorry, Elena did not agree with Amy.

I have always said that people should be free to say what they think here. However I have also always said that people need to say what they think using their name. I am a firm believer in saying what you think but having the guts to say it under your name.

Martha I'm sorry you feel like that but I honestly have never said that people shouldn't voice their opinions. I have NEVER told you to go somewhere else.

Anonymous said...

i doubt ss not being around much has anything to do with 4 dates leathermouth played with msi. he had been missing in action for at least 2 weeks before the news of the tour was announced.

Anonymous said...

Elena, after someone ( I dont' remember who) said something bad about Gerard, ONE THING, you said you thought this was becoming a "hate blog" and that there was another place for it. It aws right after Amyranth said that negative comments about Gerard should stay at VV's.

Anonymous said...

Anonymous said...
i doubt ss not being around much has anything to do with 4 dates leathermouth played with msi. he had been missing in action for at least 2 weeks before the news of the tour was announced.


Yeah, probably because he knew the shit that was about to come his way once it became public knowledge! LOL

Martha Smith-Jones said...

My name is on my comment. The only difference is that I wasn't the one who posted it. you know it is me saying it but because I wasn't the one who physically posted it here you are saying that it shouldn't be here.

People are always c & ping things here. And no one seems to mind unless he has to do with not liking MCR. Why should it matter if as long as my name is on that I wan;t the one who posted it.

elena said...

anon could you please find where I said that because while I admit I have a short memory I can't not remember ever saying that.

Anonymous said...

Have you even seen the MCR blogs? There is no way Gerard could be Mayo.

Anonymous said...

SS HAS BEEN AROUND. He has come here to talk to the people who are LOYAL to him and who haven't slagged him off. The OPS, J in particular. He quoted her favorite song to her. He has gone to visit her blog.

They have a close friendship that is not going to be ruined by what other people think.

If you can't see that it's just because you are willfully blind.

Anonymous said...

No Elena I can't. There are hundreds of thousands of comments here. I remember you saying it though. You didn't think this should be a "hate blog" and that it was after ONE comment about Gerard. It was right after Amyranth said that those comments do not belong here.

Anonymous said...

Maybe Gerard is just masking his writing style on the bands website. OTOH Frank's posts on there scream that he is SS. That can't make Gerard happy. Just sayin.

elena said...

Martha

What I am trying to get across is this...

I like seeing you here. I don't care if you have a different opinion of Gerard. But I like SEEING you here not someone else just posting your words. I'm sorry if you don't believe this because it is the truth.

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