Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Well tempered.

“Something with poison in it, but attractive to the eye, and soothing to the smell.”
-Wicked Witch of the West, The Wizard of Oz





Once upon a fork in the road...

In the corner a ratty green sofa sits butted up against a water ring stained end table. There are at least four three inch burn holes in the snagged, stained fabric. Heavy, dark drapes cover the window. The time of day is a complete mystery to anyone who has spent any time here and time is all but spent.

The sofa, the room smells like piss and acid. Pizza boxes, broken plastic forks and unwanted, half-eaten food are surrounded by empty beer bottles and overfilled ash trays. A bent spoon sits on the coffee table.

Around the corner, the kitchen cupboards are bare, the fridge empty. It’s water and anti-acids for dinner; anything else would be a waste.

“Have you seen your family?”

“Well, you should. I know they miss you.”

The visit was brief and I was grateful to have had the opportunity, but for some reason I can’t help but be thankful for decisions I made long ago. I emerged almost unscathed, at least in that respect. I wish there was more I could do.

"Call me if you need anything."

In that dark room past, present and future all at once delivered upon us both, redemption.

"Yeah, I will."






p.s. it is round there aren't any sides.

5,047 comments:

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Anonymous said...

end this fucking blog

toujours said...

okay, so this is what i'm thinking i'll do: i'll put a twitter feed on my blog and that way it'll still be a little like making updates, and you guys can know when i get there, and find a job, and so forth.


or is that really self-centered?

Anonymous said...

*waves to J and L*

elena said...

12:37

Wow..... problem?

ergoproxy said...

gosh you sound angry anon

good idea TJ!

Anonymous said...

it really, really is, but that is nothing new to you, toujours.

Anonymous said...

TJ, I think that's a good idea

Anonymous said...

end this fucking blog, or make it private for yourself

Anonymous said...

"Just sayin'"?

JFC, shut it, Gmayo.

elena said...

I'm still trying to figure out just what "Twitter" is.

Anonymous said...

no

ergoproxy said...

how the hell does twitter work?

toujours said...

thanks ergo, thanks bc! thank you too, 12:49, it's good to know i won't be surprising anyone. :)

elena, you just have to go see for yourself!

Anonymous said...

Yes.

Your as subtle as a brick to the face.

toujours said...

ergo, it's kinda like texting. it's hard to explain!

but you can post from the web or from your phone, which pretty much made my night. :)

Anonymous said...

end this blog

Anonymous said...

He won't.

























i wish he did

ergoproxy said...

hey TJ you on twitter now?

ergoproxy said...

why do you want him to end the blog?

Anonymous said...

you know what i wish...i wish i never came here

Anonymous said...

END THIS BLOG!!!!!

elena said...

Holy shit anon's chill, okay?

Look at us. Just a bunch of people who have become friends and like to talk. It's a special place and I have to say I feel protective of it.

Anonymous said...

Elena, whatever the anons are talking about, I don't think it has anything to do with us.

Anonymous said...

then you can do it on your own blogs...you don't need this one

real friends talk regardless

ergoproxy said...

I'm with elena I kinda like this place
plus I still don't get why you want Mayo to end it

ergoproxy said...

need and like are different, we could chat elsewhere but if mayo is happy for us to be here then what's the problem?

Anonymous said...

Hey anon or anons, um, did Mayo did something to piss you off?

elena said...

Uh anon yeah we could talk on our own blogs but I guess you didn't get the memo that most of us really like reading Mayo's words.

Anonymous said...

really elena? the majority of his "words" are not to be believed. he mocks their meaning.

elena said...

Do you know that for sure, anon?

Unless you are inside Mayo's head I don't think you can say you really know how he feels about what he writes. You can't know what he really believes.

toujours said...

ergo, in answer to your question from a looong time ago -- yep, i'm on twitter now. it's a bit distracting. :)

a sizable chunk of my lj flist is over there! and stephen fry!

Anonymous said...

you are reading into what you want to believe...i almost was slowly lured by this, but my logic held me...

i'm so sorry elena, i'm sorry so about all this...

ergoproxy said...

did you see me?

ergoproxy said...

anon no need to feel sorry for any of us

elena said...

Anon, don't be sorry for me. I'm just fine. I happen to like the allure of this place.

toujours said...

ergo! yay! sorry it took me so long. i iz slow. :(

ergoproxy said...

:D

I iz on twitter!

and I haz a friend!

Anonymous said...

Why be sorry 1:19? Sometimes I even think his words are a bunch of crap.

Anonymous said...

you are mistaken, i don't feel sorry for you..you have your own minds, i just cannot articulate what i really need to say.

omg...so many words wasted. he really didn't need to keep this pretense up, not here at least.

toujours said...

yays, ergo!

everything is shiny and new again! :D


are you going to make your twitter page pretty?

elena said...

omg...so many words wasted. he really didn't need to keep this pretense up, not here at least.

care to explain?

Anonymous said...

Actually, I still do. But anon, everyone should be entitled to speak their minds, regardless, so why not speak yours?

ergoproxy said...

oh gosh can you do that TJ?

anon can you think of what you mean?
if it's a pretense than it obviously served a purpose for him.
And maybe having us about helped work out whatever needed to be worked out

toujours said...

yes, ergo -- go to your settings, and click on design. :)

ergoproxy said...

ooooh I iz changing as we speak!

toujours said...

can't wait to see what you come up with!

Anonymous said...

END THIS BLOG!!!

it serves no purpose for you...delete it all

ergoproxy said...

iz done TJ

Anonymous said...

I guess anon is still angry then

toujours said...

it's gorgeous ergo! more of your beautiful flowers. :)

elena said...

1:46

Beg to differ. Oh do I beg to differ.


What is your problem? Has something upset you today?

ergoproxy said...

thanks :]


anon if you know mayo and feel this strongly perhaps you should approach him personally, or at least voice your concerns a little less forcefully?
If he's a stubborn fellow yelling would make him less likely to listen

Anonymous said...

I want all those words deleted...ALL OF THEM

they are meaningless to you

as a token of your goodwill do this for me

toujours said...

wow. you really have a bee in your bonnet, don't you, anon?

elena said...

Anonymous said...
I want all those words deleted...ALL OF THEM

they are meaningless to you

as a token of your goodwill do this for me


Okay hold on just a minute. First off not to be rude but just who are you that you're desire should outweigh others?

Now as for saying the words are meaningless - oh hell, meaningless to who? Certainly not me.

I'm sorry but this isn't all about you.

redrum said...

Buzz, buzz.

Anonymous said...

until they are gone I will make this request

i'm sorry they cluttered your pages, i was so rude. however they belong to me, not you...delete them, All OF THEM

i know they won't be missed

ergoproxy said...

hi redrum
*waves*


anon do you mean mayo's words or your words on this page?

ergoproxy said...

or are you saying mayo has used your words?

toujours said...

hey there, bumble. :)

Anonymous said...

DELETE THEM

i am sorry i ever troubled you. rest assured i never will again.

Anonymous said...

It'll all be ok anon. Up your dosage a bit. When you will wake up tomorrow it'll all seem like a dream.

ergoproxy said...

well hope it helps that you got that off your chest, I'm sure mayo will do what he thinks is best
take care and sweet dreams

elena said...

anon

I'm very sorry you're upset. I have no idea what's going on, of course, but sorry you're upset.

Anonymous said...

shut up 2:19

redrum said...

Hello, night owls and early birds.

Are you saying I'm plump and fuzzy, TJ? Is that it?

elena said...

Hello Redrum

Anonymous said...

this is not a joke

delete them

ergoproxy said...

plump and fuzzy with yellow and black stripes!

toujours said...

don't you want to be plump and fuzzy, redrum?

redrum said...

No.


Well...

Maybe a little.

Anonymous said...

Hey there redrum

toujours said...

well, then, there you go.



*hands redrum a daisy to snack on*

ergoproxy said...

I am halfway through my walk, and I'm hot, and stopped for a drink, but I just wanted to share dangerhand saved me from a snake, it was right in front of where I was walking, it was brown and you can't trust a brown snake, lots are venomous, fucking wildlife!
I stopped and pointed and he ran to me with a rake

elena said...

yea dangerhand

saves the day

anima said...

I love blogbelieve. Just sayin'.

Hi everyone!

Not much time...just wanted to say hi to all of you. :)

*got tator-tots in the oven. yummy!*

elena said...

anima


Hey girl I've missed you!!!!!!

toujours said...

hi anima!

ergo, dangerhands needs a hero's ribbon or something. :)



annnnnd, it's time for me to go to bed.

good night everyone -- ergo, elena, anima, bc, redrum, anons happy and anons distraught.

sweet dreams to you all.

ergoproxy said...

he got a kiss TJ!
goodnight and sweet dreams


lol elena


Hi anima!!

anima said...

Night TJ. Sweet dreams.

Email me, call me...you know!


Elena!!!! I've miss you too!

elena said...

Night TJ

and thanks for your comment last night. It meant a lot to me.

anima said...

Hi Ergo!




um, so I'm kinda pissed...no sour cream for my tator tots. I had some, but my hubby got rid of it. :(

toujours said...

hugs for the lot of ya!

*gathers up ergo, anima and elena*

SMISH



:)


time to say good night to you-know-who. *grin*

good night, guys.

anima said...

*smishes TJ*

anima said...

Mayo, I gotta run. I wish I had more time. Always thinking about you...even in my dreams! WTF?!

♥ to you and yours.

Night my friends. ♥ to all of you.

toujours said...

mayo,

well, so, i got absolutely nothing done tonight. nope. nothing new crossed off my to-do list.

not that i'm complaining. tonight was fun. *grin*

and i have plenty of time to get everything done before it's time to pack and go. i'm an expert at the last-minute-prep.



mayo, i've always believed that this place holds as much value for you as it does for us. i don't understand it, from either viewpoint. i never would have expected to find such bonding in an online community, but here it is, and i am grateful for it.

i think that is the purity at the heart of this place. it goes beyond its beginnings, it goes beyond its turmoils, and it will go beyond its ending. no matter what else, this blogbelieve of ours is a gift, and we are all fortunate to be a part of it.


good night, friend.

Anonymous said...

Goodnight TJ, anima sweet dreams.

anima said...

i don't understand it, from either viewpoint. i never would have expected to find such bonding in an online community, but here it is, and i am grateful for it.

i think that is the purity at the heart of this place. it goes beyond its beginnings, it goes beyond its turmoils, and it will go beyond its ending. no matter what else, this blogbelieve of ours is a gift, and we are all fortunate to be a part of it.


Beautifully said TJ. I agree.

Love you.

Hi BC! *hugs* Goodnight my friend.

Anonymous said...

Goodnight Anima *hugs*

elena said...

Mayo

Damn it was good to be here tonight with my friends. I really missed that, you know? Yeah, I think you do know. Here is where I find people to help me stand back up when I stumble. Been doing a lot of that stumbling lately but it's okay. I find the strength to pick myself up and start again.

Anyway I still don't have my high speed Internet fixed. Hell they haven't even called to give me any idea when they will show up. However I'm quite proud I figured out how to connect my laptop to dial-up. Not easy when you can't even remember the access phone numbers. I had to dig out my old laptop and make it work long enough to find the phone numbers. See I'm truly technologically impaired, big time. But I did it. Yea for me.

So I'm happy to be back, that's the whole point of that ramble. Unfortunately now I have to catch up on my work. So that's it for me. Take Care.

Night Mayo

Elena (by myself but not alone)

Anonymous said...

goodnite
:)

Anonymous said...

Goodnight anon and elena, sweet dreams.

ergoproxy said...

goodnight anima, lack of sour cream is tragic!
sweet dreams ♥

goodnight elena, though I'm far away I have long virtual arms to help support you any time you want me to


TJ I agree with anima about what you said, really beautifully said and so very very true

and thanks to Mayo for allowing it to be so

goodnight anon :]
sweet dreams to you too

and goodnight for when you retire BC, sweet dreams too

miranth said...

HI Everybody!

What's up with crazy anon? I don't get it. Mayo will do what he likes. I hope he doesn't end the place, though. It would be even more difficult to keep in touch!

Sorry I haven't been by and haven't caught up. Busy packing and researching laptops - need one for work. Amongst sundry other tasks that can't be put off.

I do miss you guys! ♥

I wish you all the best of luck!

PS - I am moving at the start of the next week, so I'll be here (even) less frequently. :(

BC - I am fine, just busy. I hope you are feeling better? *hugs* and :) You did receive my emails, right? I sent them a while ago.

Take care everyone!

Anonymous said...

delete my words goddamn you!!

Anonymous said...

i don't give a damn what you say or how you mock me

show some consideration and remove them

Anonymous said...

please, please do this

i will never cross your path again

i promise with all my heart

ergoproxy said...

hi miranth :]
hope the move goes smoothly

anon you really have to know that mayo may not be around at the time you post your requests to him
you will have to be patient and see what he decides

miranth said...

Hi ergo!

I don't understand what the anon is talking about. What words????

I thought anon was telling mayo to delete this place, which is crazy. He'll make that decision himself, when the time comes.

Anyway, I am confused!

(I am looking at black friday deals on laptops, so I am even more confused!)

How are you?

miranth said...

OK - gotta go.

Goodnight ergo! Enjoy your time with Dangerhands. :)

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello,

I just wanted to know have any of you heard about the 7 legged spider.

Anonymous said...

Good morning everyone. =)

Hi Delete My Words Anon.
Sorry to see you so obviously upset.
It wasn't that long ago Mayo wrote he doesn't always get to read everything. Certainly there have been instances, recently, when it would have been better if he had deleted somethings.
You may just have to shrug it off and let your words get lost amongst the rest.
Or, if by chance you do know Mayo, contact him by a more reliable method.
Good luck. =)

Miranth,
All the best with your packing! I hope this will be an exciting shift for you, with many doors opening.

Kapunua and Socky,
I remember reading Kapunua's freaky foetus dream! How weirdly prescient. O_O

Kapunua,
I wish you were able to share your worries, like most of us have been able to, but I appreciate that the trouble that would result in is not worth the extra worry.*hugs*

Ergo,
So sorry to read about the little chick. You invested a lot of care in it before handing it over to its new home.
Cripes, looks like you put the mocker on the Schoolies! Right little charmers, turning it up, on the News tonight!

FASC,
Always a delight to read you, no matter how swift your in and out!

SS,
Sometimes people are bound to do things once they sign on the dotted line.
That would certainly explain why Rihanna seems to have made some appalling wardrobe choices, recently!

Mayo,
I think there is an Anon that would like you to go back and read their words, please.

Have a great day all. =)

ergoproxy said...

hi PP
I take no responsibility for any schoolie antics!! lol
they are pretty well behaved really, ours are all at airlie beach, but mix in alcohol and they sure can make headlines!


bye Miranth sorry I missed you, I was watching tv, take care



MJ what 7 legged spider?

Anonymous said...

*is embarrassed by how slow types!*

*should NOT have taken 45 minutes!*

*but did do dishes, checked the fledgling, played with photos of babybird,that I'm co-parenting*

Ah, excuses.

I'm just unbearably slow. ;)



Waves hi to Ergo, Miranth, MJ

Anonymous said...

your penchant for emotional cruelty is unbounded

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Hello Ep and PP. Ep I can't find your email were you showed me how to link so here is the url to 7 legged spider:


http://greatblogabout.com/?p=1435

Anonymous said...

Where'd you go, MJ?

Best tell us about that dandy spider before Princess gets here!


Ergo,
Our school kids don't do Schoolies, but OMG don't go anywhere near a beach on New Years!

Anon,
I'm guessing you're the same one from earlier, yes? Give him time.=)

Anonymous said...

And why is that 6:06?

Because he toyed with everyone?

Or because we all wanted him too...

No one to blame but ourselves. Every word said in history can be taken any number of ways, even to the opposite of the original meaning. Can hardly blame the speaker for lack of explaination, when those taking his words twist them as they desire.

Really, in the end it is those that he spoke too who are to be blamed for reading into his words inccorrectly.

Even if he really wanted us all too read into them inccorrectly. No one to blame but the mirror 6:06.

But, like you, I weep for the future. Absolute terror. How long with it last? Nothing but doubt. Fear.

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Basically this dude gets an email from a bill collector. He tries to pay his bill with a drawing of a spider.

Anonymous said...

*slaps own face*

My fingers are pretending they are on dial-up!

MJ,
What a hoot! I don't know what is funnier. The email exchange, or, the fact that the picture sold for so much!

*Princess won't be scared by MJ's spider*

Martha Smith-Jones said...

I almost died laughing PP

Anonymous said...

6:19 keep out of this

he said nothing

Martha Smith-Jones said...

the birds have their nest in that tub. what about cats

farawaysoclose said...

good morning mayo!

good morning SS!

good morning everybody!

hi ergo, martha, miranth, PP, anons.


good luck with the move miranth!

belated hi to wendy and i am fine thanks!!

and that's me!!

hope everyone has lovely days!!

oh and shit i knew there was something else.....

ergo, sorry i thought the chick died, not that you gave it away?? i assumed it had died, so ignore my mother nature blah blah blah comment!

i did not backread, i am a bad person!!

Anonymous said...

what happened? it's like you have splintered...

why can't you be honest, for her sake at least...it's your present and future

Martha Smith-Jones said...

PP now the guy who bought it won't pay for it.

Anonymous said...

i have just requested one simple thing...surely that is not so hard to do

ergoproxy said...

awww what a lovely little bird PP!

at least schoolies is now a lot more organised and they get separated from the "toolies" (older guys who turn up to usually make trouble) I wouldn't go near the Gold Coast anytime during the period though!


wow MJ!!
what a story!!
and they sold it for $10 000!!!
CRIKEY!!!
7 legged spider linked for MJ

distraught anon, you're really upset but I can't see how returning here over and over will relieve that, you have to accept that either
a) he hasn't been here to see your request
or
b) he isn't going to do it

please try and stop causing yourself such grief over something you can't control any more, but by the same token , give im some time

farawaysoclose said...

martha that link is great!

and thanks for the pics PP.

what exactly do you want mayo to delete anon??

he might have trouble finding it.

Anonymous said...

Good grief, I'm permanently one step behind this morning!

I should quit before I fall back into yesterdays comments!

Anons,
Time usually has way of sorting things out. And conscience.

One thing is certain, there have been enough highs and lows to make Mayo's a heck of a ride.

And I should be off now.

I have to be up too darn early! >_<

'Night all. =)

ergoproxy said...

Hi fasc
the one I had down my shirt did die
PP it was the one I didn't take over, as it didn't look well, I didn't think it would live, but it was warm and looked after

Anonymous said...

ergo this is between us...no one else...so don't pay attention to what i post

ergoproxy said...

goodnight PP sweet dreams

I'm off too in a bit, just gonna jump in the shower

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Goodnight PP later ep. FASC I have no idea what you are doing.

ergoproxy said...

fine anon, however you post it on a public blog and it becomes, well, public

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Anon you can't come on a public blog making demands of someone and not expect others to say something to you.

farawaysoclose said...

Hi fasc
the one I had down my shirt did die


oh right thanks for clearing that up ergo. thought i'd lost my mind again!

seeya PP!
and ergo!

FASC I have no idea what you are doing.

i have to go too martha!!

have a good sleep and catch you around sometime soon!

Martha Smith-Jones said...

Later FASC

Anonymous said...

i only do this here

please, please, please do this

i will never say anything anywhere

Anonymous said...

*refreshes*

*most likely 54 steps behind!*

Morning FASC!

Nope, you were right about Ergo's chick. I meant it happened after it was passed to her friends. That was just me being illiterate and grammatically incorrect as usual! lol =)

MJ,
Cats are indoors during the day!
They hate me!
The chick comes inside at night, and then the cats go out.
Mother bird goes back to her own nest.
Until the crack of dawn when she demands my prescence. >_<

the guy who bought it won't pay for it.

Oh, what a shame, MJ. I wanted the happy, yet completely illogical ending!

Right. This time. Maybe. =)

'Night!

Anonymous said...

Oh, fudge! >_<

Yep, that was really late. lol

Your answer to FASC wasn't even there when I started typing Ergo!

I should really stick to pens!

*needs sleep*


*now* =)

ergoproxy said...

poor PP

*tucks you in*

it's been a hard night

Anonymous said...

you owe me this

remove my words

Anonymous said...

i request an angel to remove my existence from here, so that i may sleep

sdock10 said...

Wow, Warner Bros actually shipped the free gift they promised with a pre-order.

O_O

Color me shocked!

I'm such a sucker for more shit.



BlogBelieve,

Have a nice Tuesday. I'm trying really hard not to say "fuck Tuesday"....really, really hard.

No. Harder than that.



Ergo, PP

Sweet dreams!


Catch ya'll later!



OOOOOOOOOOH! Just remembered! It's The Killers day!

Whoop! Whoop!

ergoproxy said...

Mayo
so have you had a good day? I did, though I was worried over it again, it turned out quiet well. After dinner I watched War of the Worlds, not the Tom Cruise one, the 1953 George Pal one. Have you seen it? I saw it first as a kid (on TV not when it came out, lol) and used to, well to be honest, still, make the shape of the alien ships buy spreading my hand, bending my 3rd and 4th fingers back and sticking my index finger up, and making the noises. Well it amuses me!
I love old sci fi the effects aren't anything like the new stuff but they have a charm, not to mention brilliant dialogue "it appears to be some kind of electromagnetic shield, our weapons are useless against that kind of power!" and the obligatory hysterical female. Plus protection from an A bomb is dark glasses, pretty schmick! We also concluded the heat ray was sparks from a grinder, I do remember reading about the effects, not having tripods as it was too hard, so they had electric legs and they only get seen once.
So if you haven't seen it, try and get a copy
Wishing you freedom from alien attacks and if they do, that you don't get hit by the heat ray (or the skeleton beams)much love EP xx

ergoproxy said...

SS
so seeing spots before your eyes? Do you need any more writing implements? I don't know whether the dotted line is to sign on, on a road, to tear along, to trace over or to indicate something on a map. There are quite a lot of uses. Whatever the one you are interested in I hope it brings you good things.
Sending you clarity, sense and good fortune
lotsa love EP xx

ergoproxy said...

hi sdock have a good day

extra free stuff is always great!



goodnight blogbelieve, see you in my morning
♥xx♥

Smoke said...

THE KILLERS!!!!!! OMG! YHUS!

I missed out on all da baby convos! Whoah! I got sidetracked watching Stewie get sucked into the television. Then he was cross-dressing so yeah. Can you blame me? ^_^

If it is true and they are going to have a baby and really whenever they do because it doesn't really matter, I wish them all the best. I think it was RW that said he has the potential to be a kick-ass dad. I do, too. But, it won't be Gerard's world anymore that's for sure. That all changes, my friend. Believe me. I know. I went from being everyone's baby and the center of attention to a nobody overnight. And I wouldn't have it any other way now.

Nuks and stuffed monkeys. That's all I'm gonna say. They are magical. :)

Okay, what was I talking about?

Morning Mayo!

IT'S THE KILLERS TUEEZZDAYY!!! WHOOP! WHOOP! Are you as excited as me? Have a good one!


SS,

O_o

Miss you!!!


Have a good one errbody!

Bwah!

XOXO



-I still didn't look at the 7 legged spider. I swear, MJ is still trying to murder me so I wouldn't dare. @_@

Anonymous said...

you won't remove my words so remove this


I waited until I could no longer hear
the breathing, and cracked open the door.
It took several seconds for my eyes to begin
to adjust to the light; I had been hidden
for several hours, most of the night.
And each breath you withhold, while still
sat across the room, arms crossed, and waiting
is released into the center of the room. I hear you
now your image becomes shadow, then curved line,
then hair, cheeks, eyes, lips, and my racing heart
is released into the center of the room. I hear you
I am fully admitted and betrayed
by the vibrations of that persistent organ
pounding in my ears and of that accidental welcome.
You alight beside me
relieving me of my guard, and returning
my promise of faith.

I thought I had waited long enough, but instead you held fast to your claim that I would emerge faithfully back into the room. And of course, I did. Not yet ready to face our lost time. And the screaming, long since dulled against the cold green plaster walls now cracked by our words thrown hard, aimed at heads and hearts, but missing. In the center of this room all that remains is heated breath and pounding heart. And the two of us are searching our thoughts, and desperately trying to string together enough words to reconnect.







p.s. sometimes in the moment we are unable to see the forest for the trees.



"Yes, I do." so now, back to that question...


meaningless drivel

Anonymous said...

and this...more offensive words


The click of the door brought comfort to my well worn ears and my heart sick chest. My throat, raw from futile attempts at making myself heard, was bleeding. Alone in the center of the room I am suddenly cold and tired. The heat having been drained from the room at your departure and every ounce of energy I had was expended to keep myself from begging you to stay. You had to go.

Then, relief washes over me in its sickening way. I am suddenly aware of the emptiness of my stomach and my sudden urge to vomit. To dry heave the words I did not say. “I am sorry, don’t go.” Instead, I sit. Right there, I sit right in the middle of the room that heard my pleas for you to leave, my pleading for you to stop believing and start listening to the truth. “Why don’t you hear me?...I have done such terrible things.”

Sitting there, alone with my shame, I realized I had let this drag out far too long.

Anonymous said...

and this by far is the most offending yet



pants around my ankles
twisted in the sheets
legs pulled
up high
I am reaching for a moment
and I can barely remember why
then soft skin
legs twisted in the sheets
“Yes”
that is why
you’re back, Your back
warm against my chest
and we haven’t moved
not since death.

Anonymous said...

and this hands down wins the noble prize of bs


I am precipitant, and temptation proffers madness. I can’t resist. I love the fucking rush of blood to my head, my heart hammering my ears. The rhythm and intensity set me to cruise. I am making decisions just moments before the situation even presents itself. And it all works out.

With your assault on my senses still pushing adrenaline through my veins, I decided to give myself a brief respite from self-induced ubiquity. I righted myself before you…almost completely relieved of the obscurity that may have impaired your perception (I am absurd). I focused my energy inward and provided you with a unique, cogent vision...handed to you in haste.

Without contrast.

For just a moment I tethered myself to you. In the dark and held captive by brick and chain link, you held the truth in the palm of your hand. While I stood, waiting for the fucking bomb to drop. I wanted to pull you aside, then. I wanted to tell you, whisper it in your ear. I wanted you to see me. Register my words with my voice. But, translation was lost in my subtle introduction, and I know I caught you off guard. My strength diminished, I walked away with the truth in my fist, my secret under a floodlight.

With you.

I admit that you may not know, but I need you to know. I need for you to know.

After all of that, and even if misunderstood, I have to say that your presence is appreciated…and I must admit often anticipated. But, it was never my intention to lead you. I hope I have not caused you concern, and I must ask, are you angry? Are you angry with me? If you need reassurance, if you question my intent, I could tell you again.

My friend, all you need to do is ask.

Anonymous said...

Mayo hatin' anon, I hope you are sleeping now. It seems you were up all night, seething with anger and hurt. I think you will feel better after a rest. Holding onto anger only hurts you in the end. Let it go and free yourself.

elena said...

Good Morning Mayo

A new day, a new beginning. Start fresh, make the day everything you want it to be. Take Care

Anonymous said...

MSI myspace bulletin confirms that LynZ is indeed pregnant (as well as Steve's wife!).
Two New Additions To The MSI Family!

As some of you may have heard, we are thrilled to announce TWO new additions to the Mindless Self Indulgence family. In addition to MSI's bassist LynZ and her husband Gerard, MSI's guitarist Steve and his partner Lucinda have announced that they are each expecting babies late in the spring of 2009. This will be the first child for both Steve and Lucinda, as well as LynZ and Gerard.


It is very important that you hear this from us first and believe nothing to the contrary: While we will ask some of our friends to fill in for LynZ - and at a later date, Steve - so that they can be with their new families, neither member is leaving Mindless Self Indulgence permanently.


No shows will be cancelled -- in fact, we will be adding more throughout North America and beyond in the coming weeks.
Please stay tuned for more news and information.

Congrats to the couples:-)

Anonymous said...

Mayo hating anon,

are you trying to say that Mayo cheated on his wife with you?

Anonymous said...

I think maybe the mayo hating anon could be tink.

Anonymous said...

Mayo hating anon, are you supposed to be Eliza in this whole game or something? ;) And here I thought we'd all picked our permanent masks last year already. ;D



ANIMA last night! Gosh, I miss you. We keep saying we're going to catch each other on AIM and then we never get to.


Pickled Possum! Please email me about your baby birdie, okay? I can help you. :) So! You remember the Gerard / Thanksgiving Fetus dream too! Solly emailed me last night all, "Didn't you have a dream about Gerard and a fetus on Thanksgiving?" O_O Yeah, that's right! He was carrying it in his hand, to the Thanksgiving table and i was like "Please don't let him put that there." It was the size of my fingernail. He wanted to keep it warm and I felt bad for him so I let him put it where a warm plate had been sitting. Then a big black dog with a red coat jumped on the table and he thought it was going to keep the fetus warm but I had a feeling it was going to roll over onto it, so I picked it up (it was a little bigger now) and moved it to underneath a table lamp where I figured the light bulb was going to keep it warm.

O_O WTF. That was months ago.

I also dreamed about Adam Lazzara going with a bunch of vampires to a baby shower, and going shopping for Winnie The Pooh baby clothes at Target, about a month before he announced that his girl was preggers.

Why the hell do I dream of things that are of absolutely no consequence to me? Why can't I dream the goddamn lottery numbers or some junk like that?

Well, with that pointless prescience in mind, let me tell you about the dream I had last night. It was a long one (*snick*) and I kept waking up and thinking, Wait, I want to see the rest of this!" and then going back to sleep to continue it. In the dream, I had taken my goddaughter, my Mom and my Grandma to see the new Taking Back Sunday concert. (I dreamed this venue before: it's always the same exact venue when I have concert dreams, though not one I've ever been in in real life. In a past TBS concert dream, Lazzara kept turning into a wolf like in Twilight Princess, and he kept chewing all the cords so they had to stop the show until he turned human again.)

Well in this dream, they had a brand new concert that they wanted to show all their fans. It was part music and part performance art. The stage was set up as a carnival with three different fortune telling booths. But the only guys in them were Adam, Mark and Eddie. The booths moved around to get closer to the people in the audience. All the guys were wearing big stupid animal suits (and someone was wearing the Kung Fu Panda mask. ??) They kept some of the songs in the "carnival" theme, and eventually there was that swing ride on the stage, too. Towards the end of it, they were putting on a little play. Adam sang all of his lines so I guess it was a musical. He was playing himself only really old, like in his hundreds or something, and he approached this little old lady sitting on a park bench. She was some young girl playing an old lady and she had on yellow shoes that matched Adam's yellow tie. He sang to her about how her shoes matched his tie, and when she leaned over to look at her shoes, he grabbed her ass. Everyone in the audience was laughing like, "That old rascal!" and "People over a hundred can get away with doing that!" Then Adam started singing about how he had helped change the world when he voted for Abraham Lincoln and I was thinking, "Wow, then he's way older than a hundred."

There was so much more but I don't remember it.

Isn't that both weird and stupid?

Welp, today I have to go MASSIVE shopping, for TG, to get worms for Dana, and to pick up something for myself that will hopefully fix my worries. Everyone else (american, anyway,) is probably doing lots of shopping, too. Have fun!

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I dream of things that come to pass.

Smoke said...

Jules,

Please don't dream that I am pregnant. Please? O_O

So, it's official, huh? Well, again all I'm saying is Nuks rule. And LHM had this little stuffed monkey that he called Monk-Monk and he would take the end of his long tail and rub his face until he went to sleep. He would not go anywhere without his Nuk or his Monk-Monk. Little did he know that I actually had 3 of those Monk-Monks that were actually all the same just in case I forgot one somewhere or he lost it. Hah. Aunt Solly rules, too. :)

Okay, anyhoo!!!

I don't wanna work!

Smoke said...

Oh, gosh and about the Nuk. He had several of them in different colors but he would only suck one. One pacifier for like months. It finally got a hole in it and I told him he had to throw it away. He did and that was the end of Nuks at our house. He was a funny and peculiar baby. He showed signs of OCD very early. All the Hot Wheels had to be in order by color and lined up by size.

Yeah.

O_O

He's gotten better though. Doesn't have quite as many meltdowns as he used to. ♥

Smoke said...

Welp, I'll see you guys later!

Byeee Mayo!

Byeee SS!

Byeee everyone!

mya said...

Good Morning!

Whoa..... WTF?

So, I see that one of the Anons has really gotten bent out of shape with Mayo! And so short on the heels of the pregnancy announcement. Hmmmm..... If there is but one thing I've believed to be true about this blog, or even Mayo himself, it is this: IT IS ALL ABOUT MAYO. You may want to keep that in mind, Anon.

Smoke said...

I'm totally jealous.

Gerard has Dunkin' Donuts coffee. >.<

Grrr.

Smoke said...

God, and I'd don't know how much he paid for his coffee maker but I bet it was alot more than the $17.00 I paid for mine.

And I get coffee.

On demand.

Ha.

This twitter thing is going to be addictive. I can already tell. >.<

I must stop now before it's too late. Gotta go eat! Laterz! Again!

Anonymous said...

dotted lines = positive pregnancy test

Anonymous said...

I think Gerard's gettin paid for all his product pimpin'.

Anonymous said...

LOL

Anon616 said...

O_O

Okay...

Hello Mayo, SS, Ergo, Mya... everyone!

How are you all today? I have good news and bad news. The good news is my sister made it through surgery fine and sleeping like a new born pup (with her hands elevated, above heart level, on a pillow and ice pack ~ just like the doctor ordered).

The bad news is, a brick wall, in the hospital parking garage, ran straight into my Camry this morning! Seriously! It just jumped right out infront of my car and smashed the bumper and hood up like tin foil! Not good. I know!

Then, driving home (yes, the car was still driveable) the hood decides to pop up ~ I was on the highway for goodness sake! Needless to say, I did not panic. I simply said "Oh no, this is not good" and pulled over to do some problem solving. (A good thing my sister was still looney from the meds.)

Luckily, for me, I had an old boy scout first aid kit in the trunk. The kit contained a tourniquet wrap and I was able to use that to tie the hood down so I could SEE the highway to drive home!

I just got off the phone with my insurance company. They wanted to know if the brick wall sustained any injuries!

O_o

Ummm....NO. The brick wall is fine. My car is not! Thankfully, my sister and I were both okay too. She wasn't even late for surgery!

I'm telling you, WHAT A MORNING!

I hope you all had nothing but good news/things happen this morning.

Now, I need a nap! I have to go out to meet a friend of mine who's in from New York, tonight. I must get some sleep. I haven't seen him in over 10 years and I have a feeling it's going to be a long (but fun) night!!!

Have fun, everyone! Try to avoid charging brick walls ~ if at all possible!

Hugs and Love,
~Namaste~
6/Wendy

Hi PJ, Miranth, FASC, Possum, Magic Pie and Kass!!!!

Ergo: *smoooooooooooooch*

Sweetcheeks: *huge hug and sloppy kisses*

Miranth: I'll send it out by tomorrow, I promise!!!!
*hugs*

PS: Sorry for not catching up properly!

Anonymous said...

Hi there sugarplum, I'm so glad you and your sister are okay from the brick X_x

And the surgery too!

Anonymous said...

I loooooooathe Twitter. Just saying. Probably because people keep updating their damn LJ with "TWEETS FOR TODAY!!!!!" posts every few goddamn minutes and "FOLLOW ME ON TWITTER!!!"

Yo if I wanted to follow you on Twitter, I frigging would do so. I don't need to read it all over my friends list every fifteen goddamn minutes.

And so that's why Twitter annoys the everloving christ out of me!

Anonymous said...

Twitter is for twits.

Anonymous said...

A thing happened today while I was out shopping. I know I've told so many of you about Essiac Tea, right? And how it's just about as close to a cure for cancer as anything I've ever seen in action. My Dad's friend had an inoperable bladder tumor and they sent him home to die. My parents had known about Essiac Tea from when my aunt had breast cancer and they researched it a little, and supposedly it was this chemical reaction that made tumors just break down and flush out of your system. Well this guy drank it regularly, and he literally urinated his tumor out in pieces. That had to be MAD painful. But I'll never forget, it was close to Thanksgiving and he brought over a piece of it in a jar. He said, "It looks like turkey, right?" O_O (Part of why I stopped eating turkey even before I'd gone full vegetarian.) Well that was about fifteen years ago and he is still cancer free.

So I went out to buy some today and there were only three boxes left of the real stuff. I grabbed two of them and headed to the register, where this lady in a blond wig was trying to remember what it was she was looking for. "Some kind of spice, tumor something. It's supposed to shrink tumors and I need it."

So naturally I jump in like the know it all that I am. "TURMERIC! And yes, studies show that it shrinks tumors."

She tells me, "I need something that's going to work. I had one breast removed and I'm afraid the cancer is coming back in the other one."

I told her all about Essiac Tea and I led her to the aisle where there was one box of it left and I put it in her hands. "This will work," I tell her. "This will help you. As well as turmeric, and acai and pomegranate and mostly cutting out sugars and starch...." and I do the whole lecture, all while clutching onto my two boxes of hard-to-come-by Essiac Tea. (You can get it on the internet but it takes longer.)

She thanks me and says, "God bless you, you're a good person." Usually I laugh when people say "god bless you" to me or I make some kind of remark about how I would melt, but she was so sincere and she was so frantic and upset and desperate so I just thanked her.

She goes off looking for her turmeric and I go to the register to hoard my Essiac Tea, and I pay for both and stick them in my canvas bag with Dana's worms. I'm just about to walk out the door when I turn around and take one box of it out and set it on the counter. I ask the cashier dude if he can make sure the lady gets this box of Essiac.

"Go give it to her yourself," he tells me. "She'll love it."

ANd here I just get all awkward and stupid and retarded and I'm like, "I really don't want to, I don't know, it just makes me feel funny, could you please give it to her instead?"

He keeps on insisting that I hand it to her myself because "her face will just light up!" and finally I'm feeling like I want to scream, "I DON'T CARE ABOUT HER STUPID FACE! Just please give her the remedy!"

I didn't yell at him after all but he did agree to give it to her when she came to the register. I believe in the honesty of people so I trust that he actually did, instead of taking my money and putting the box back on the shelf. He seemed nice enough anyway.

Then when I left i just felt so weird. Like, why did he want me to hand it to her? And would she be insulted? I don't know, I just felt like sh needed it way more than I did, I mean she was so scared for her life and there was so precious little of the remedy left. And I also was thinking, you know, of course you want to try everything to help yourself, but you also don't want to waste your money, and maybe the first few tries of it should be free. Then when you see the results you can trust that you're not wasting your money, or your precious hope. I figured, getting it for free, you have nothing to lose.

But I'm not sure if it's right; what if she was insulted or something? I don't know. Was that stupid of me to do that? You had to see me run out of the store like my ass was on fire and my head was catching. I totally just never wanted to see her reaction no matter what it was.

Whatever is wrong with me is no small thing! And I'll bet it's hard to pronounce, too. O_O

Anonymous said...

LMAO! Anon, I said the same thing in email this morning. Heh.

Although most of my friends use Twitter, but still.

Anonymous said...

Gerard has been on MCR's site all last night and this morning. i thought he hated the internet.

Anonymous said...

Essiac tea on wikipedia for anyone with an interest.

There are no studies to prove it through rigorous human testing via scientific method, but only a fool disbelieves what he or she has seen. It's good for other things, too, all kinds of ailments.

Anonymous said...

remove my words you fucker!!!

Anonymous said...

remove my words anon,


what did Mayo do to you?

Anonymous said...

I want them all off...all of them

Anonymous said...

Unless you can provide proof that you wrote the words that Mayo posted, this whole thing comes across as silly. Anon, you have to know that most of us are fond of Mayo. And like I said, I tend to take people at their word until they prove otherwise.

You're putting this all on a public blog so you've got to expect opinions on your ranting.

And quit calling Mayo names.*












*Even though some of us have jokingly called him names before. Errr, we're allowed to. ;D

Anonymous said...

REMOVE MY WORDS

THEY DON"Y BELONG TO YOU!!!!!!!

LIVE YOUR FUCKING LIFE AND I WILL LIVE MINE

Anonymous said...

remove my words anon,


are they your words or did Mayo write them about you?

Anonymous said...

Kapunua it doesn't matter anymore this whole thing is a just a lie

Rant as much as you like all I request is one simple thing...and I'm gone

Anonymous said...

2:43,


why is it a lie? did Mayo take your writings and post them here?

Twisted Sister said...

ANd here I just get all awkward and stupid and retarded and I'm like, "I really don't want to, I don't know, it just makes me feel funny, could you please give it to her instead?"


Awww Kapunua,that was a sweet thing that you did.I think she wouldn't take that as an insult.I think she would of thought...what a sweetheart that girl is! You felt akward and you did a nice thing and you did it without wanting a thank you.That shows what kind of person you really are:)

Anonymous said...

Hi TS! I hope you're right. I hope that's the way it was.

For a few minutes standing there I was so disgusted with myself. Up there at the register, so wrapped up in my own problems and hoarding a cancer treatment from someone who had already lost one breast to cancer and was afraid she had it again. I was like, "WTF is wrong with me?"

Issues. I has them! ^_^

It's good to read you, TS.

Anon, I'm not ranting at you; it seems you're the one ranting at Mayo. Among us though, it just looks kind of silly. There's no proof that those words are yours. They are Mayo's words. Some to people we don't know, and some to us. And most of us value his words. Especially those posts that he made to us, for us. You can't take those away.

Original Punk J said...

Trying to play catch-up from yesterday, Internet exploded sometime in the afternoon, just got it back this AM.

Very Repetitive Angry Anon, if you've been here before, which you say you have, then you know that Mayo usually isn't here most of the time. Leaving him the same message 97 million times ain't gonna make him move any faster. He follows his own drummer, if you will.

I think we all get what you want. All too clearly. Gotta ask you a question, too: If you don't tell him which words are yours, then how on Earth will he know what to delete? Give him a list, honey, don't assume he can read your mind.

If you know him well enough to make demands of him, you probably know him well enough to email him.

And if you keep ranting and losing your temper, you're going to have a stroke. Not good.

Go lie down and have a nice warm drink, preferably without the caffeine. You need to relax, honey.

Twisted Sister said...

I think the anon might believe that some of what mayo posted might be about them? It's good to read you too Kapunua!I have been busy working and i'm trying to catch up.

Smoke said...

Anonymous said...
remove my words you fucker!!!


That made me laugh way harder than it should have.

Hey Mayo,

Somebody is mad wif you! O_O


Jules,

I think you might have just made that lady's day. I think that was a sweet think you did.

Hi TS!

Twisted Sister said...

Go lie down and have a nice warm drink, preferably without the caffeine. You need to relax, honey.



I agree....stay away from the caffeine!

Twisted Sister said...

Hi smoke, that kinda made me laugh :)

Original Punk J said...

SS!

Great to see you, baby. Well, part of you. Ok, so I didn't see you, but I read your, uh, note...and I still don't know what you mean. But I'm going to think about it and see if I can come up with anything.

I've got a couple of ideas, but I need to look at a few things first. :)

Hopefully we'll see you around sometime soon. If not before Thursday, then I hope you enjoy your Thanksgiving weekend! Yay for stuffing, that's my favorite. Oh, and pumpkin pie, of course. Nom nom nom. :)

Talk to you later! I love you!

(L says HI SS! and she misses you.)

Smoke said...

Sweet think? WTH?

Thing. A sweet thing. Jesus Christ.

Twisted Sister said...

All of this anger after the pregnancy came out O_O

Anonymous said...

I hope so, Princes, I hope I didn't make her go, "WTF, why is this fool giving me stuff?" O_O

Whatchoo guys all planning for TG?

Anonymous said...

I know this appears crazy. this has nothing to do with the rest of you

it's gone...buried

remove my words

Anonymous said...

Boys, boys, its a sweet thing, sweet thing...

Smoke said...

Not much, really. Just going to my mother's house. She's a yummy cook. :)

Twisted Sister said...

I get to work on thanksgiving. I know you are all jealous of me! Oh joy!

Anonymous said...

Looking at the cake is like looking at the future, until you've tasted it what do you really know? And then, of course, it's too late.

Smoke said...

Anon,

But it isn't gone because you keep bringing it up, ya know? Not making fun of you or anything but damn, he can't hear you. He'll read it eventually. I'm sure of it.

Promise. O_o


TS,

You have to work? That sucks!

Smoke said...

Oh me! Cuz I want it!

Smoke said...

MEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Smoke said...

Oh, damn. I should said something clever like, "Gerard is a Twitter-Twat."

Heh. ^_^

Anonymous said...

Your eyes never leave me.

Anonymous said...

Can't I acknowledge beauty?

Anonymous said...

LOL Princess! Congrats!

Twisted Sister said...

Yes, it pretty much does suck! But i will get off by lunch, so i can still stuff my face :)

Anonymous said...

TS, I used to always work on Thanksgiving, it was such a bummer. >_< I'm sorry. But at least it's just half a day. :)

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