Well tempered.

“Something with poison in it, but attractive to the eye, and soothing to the smell.”
-Wicked Witch of the West, The Wizard of Oz





Once upon a fork in the road...

In the corner a ratty green sofa sits butted up against a water ring stained end table. There are at least four three inch burn holes in the snagged, stained fabric. Heavy, dark drapes cover the window. The time of day is a complete mystery to anyone who has spent any time here and time is all but spent.

The sofa, the room smells like piss and acid. Pizza boxes, broken plastic forks and unwanted, half-eaten food are surrounded by empty beer bottles and overfilled ash trays. A bent spoon sits on the coffee table.

Around the corner, the kitchen cupboards are bare, the fridge empty. It’s water and anti-acids for dinner; anything else would be a waste.

“Have you seen your family?”

“Well, you should. I know they miss you.”

The visit was brief and I was grateful to have had the opportunity, but for some reason I can’t help but be thankful for decisions I made long ago. I emerged almost unscathed, at least in that respect. I wish there was more I could do.

"Call me if you need anything."

In that dark room past, present and future all at once delivered upon us both, redemption.

"Yeah, I will."






p.s. it is round there aren't any sides.

They said you said what I said to you

Your subtlety lacks finesse. Either it is, or it isn’t.

And, we know it is.

But it is incomplete, isn’t it. What is it that was left out or held back?

Well, let me remind you.

Fear at all hours of the day and night. And, I couldn’t breathe without suggesting abandon, so I suffocated from repression. Then, managing the never ending time spent attempting to quell your irrational needs killed me. It was never enough, the time, the attention, the truth, so I finally caved. Yet, the debate continued. And, you couldn’t stop me or make me change my mind, and that infuriated you. But, instead of pushing so hard you would have been better off just killing time.

But, I relent and you suffer delusion and sometimes it was the other way around.

It was like this; there, assembled from misery, denial and frustration, we produced an alternate reality. Can we just admit that it was unnatural? Not quite forced, but awfully close. If so, then we’ll leave it at that.

In the end, it was finished. I’m surprised we held out as long as we did.

And yes, “it was grand, and we have the pictures to prove it.”

Now it’s just shit and we are both shoveling.





p.s. while hiding beneath the window, crying.

Obviously.

I Hate Swimming

I am barefoot
and the pavement burns
my pale soles.
I begin to shuffle
first to the left
then, right.
Holding each
until I can no longer stand
without wobble.
I would seek shelter
but, that would find
me leaving you
alone, again.
And, I can’t.
Won’t.
Your willful eyes
and your exuberance
stand with me.
I am here
to brave the burn.





p.s. all that stuff about going blind is a lie.