The brick and mortar embellishment
conceals despair.
I buried it in the backyard,
along with that old rag of a dog,
that I loved and held to my heart.
Passed on and by too fast for
my eyes and hands to grab tight.
And I wonder now, if I had held
just a bit tighter, would I have
a handful of fur rather than dirt
and hurt?
p.s. been body snatching...Mayo is Keyser Söze.
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«Oldest ‹Older 201 – 400 of 2848 Newer› Newest»if he's going to post signed in, he should say good-bye when he leaves. it's just polite, dontcha think?
Alright Mayo I will let you off the hook this time. New topic what do you guys want to talk about.
AWwwhhwhwwhh, He can't be gone. He didn't say check the time and goodnight. He has to say goodnight...doesn't he?
Coffee lsk;fhkdsh;
Just sickens me, really.
He had coffee in his hand the day I met him. The smell of it made me want to hurl.
Fish Rescue Operation was a Bust :(.
-Amyranth
sdock10 said...
Yeah, but Kapuna, is your mouth watering for a taste?
No!
Unless you're talking about what we were discussing over at DM. ^_~
Atlantis, by the way, is about five minutes from my house, true story.
How unceremonious of him.
Amy did your pet fish die or go down the drain?
" Bleeding Chaos said...
^^yeah, that's true."
"Because i know EVERY THING THERE iS TO KNOW ABOUT HIM! EVERY BODY LOOK AT ME!!!"
How many samaritans does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they can't do it. But they are setting up a support group called coping with darkness
Amy, what's up with your fish? O_O
Oh haiii now. No pretty colours in this post, Mayo?
You disappoint.
SDock,
You can even talk dirty IN the dirt if you want.
Whatever rocks your boat. SS Mayo, indeed.
You guys remember that 23 year old guy we, uh, "see"? He keeps asking if we can do it outside. In the dirt. With bugs and stuff. Ick. Uh, dude, NO.
J
LOL MissT. I like that one. Here's my favorite:
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light blub?
Fish.
Whatever rocks your boat. SS Mayo, indeed.
Oh, snap.
sorry amyranth ,what fish were you rescuing?
sorry it didn't go well.
my biggest goldfish keeps floating upside down,I thought he was dying but he's been doing it for 3 weeks and he turns over to swim then goes back upside down.
I have decided either he likes the view that way or he has gas.
(I'm waiting for him to be jet propelled across the tank )
AIM: Kapunua
(I'm waiting for him to be jet propelled across the tank )
*giggling at the image*
Oh behave anonymous, or I will have to blow you a kiss. That last comment I made was referring to CTV's post by the way. You silly goose ^_^
Outside in the dirt is not so bad...makes you feel like the animal that you are. Moonlight, river, Georgia dirt underneath, fighting mosquitoes, 75 degrees at night in the winter time and you're sweating........
What was I talking about again?
kapunua I love that joke!
Nice one K!
There were three kids in the hospital at christmas and santa claus asked them what they want.
The first says, I have no legs. If I could have legs My life would be complete.
santa gives him some legs.
The second says, I have no arms, if I could have arms my life would be complete.
santa gives him some arms.
The last is just a head.
he says, I have no body, If I could have a body my life would be complete.
santa says, I don't have a body...............
But here's a piece of string and you can be a conker.
And I wonder now, if I had held
just a bit tighter, would I have
a handful of fur rather than dirt
and hurt?
I often wonder that myself, dear friend. Regret. Shame. Hold it too close, it slips right through. Don't hold it tight enough, it falls right out.
There's no middle bear here.
Just wonder, fear, and hurt.
---------------
How's everybody?
Well S honey,
In TN right now it's cold, and we have squirrels.
NO. FUCKING. WAY.
Wait a minute...did I just say that?
OOPS! Sorry. Didn't mean it like that. YES fucking Way. Right, L? ;)
And YES fucking Iero.
J
hello, mustard. how are you tonight?
lkjdf;ls
WHAT ABOUT BOB?
Why is the blonde always left out?
*sad*
Hey Mustard. How are you, love?
hey, mustard.
Hi Mustard!
Good to see you back. :)
J
Hi there mustard how are you?
Hi mib how are you? i gave bob a little love today when we were talking about cats. but we do need to have more Bob love and Mikey.
Hello Mustard good to see you are here.
Hey!
I was just catching up. Sorry for the time between posts.
I'm okay. Not sure exactly what to think about this.
I'm slowly easing my way back into this, so forgive me if I'm not here a lot.
:)
This guy is walking on the pier by the water and he comes upon a young lady with no arms and no legs, on a bench, crying her eyes out. He feels terrible so he asks her, "What's wrong?"
"Good sir!" she cries, "What's wrong? What do you think! My life is miserable! Look at me. No one will ever love me."
He says, "That's not true! Give yourself a chance. There's someone out there for you."
"It will never be!" she cries. "I'm a grown woman and no one has ever held my hand!"
Taking pity, he sits down beside her and holds her hand.
"Good sir, that's kind of you," she says. "But it's not enough. I've never been kissed, not even on the cheek!"
He sighs, and kisses her on the cheek. "There," he says. "See?"
"Thank you for that," she says. "Did you know, I've never been kissed on the mouth. It's never going to happen!"
Getting a little exasperated now, he kisses her on the mouth. "There. Feel better?"
She sniffles a little and wipes her nose on his shirt. "Thank you. But you see... I've never even had anyone get to second base!"
Now he's feeling really uncomfortable and put upon. But he feels really terrible for her. So after thinking about it for a minute, he gropes her. "Right," he says. "Better now?"
She smiles, her eyes light up wickedly. "But you see," she says, "I know I'm going to die alone and... I've never been screwed!"
Now he's completely fed up. He picks her up off the bench and throws her into the water.
"There. Now you're screwed."
Hi MIB
MUSTARD! GOod to read you.
Good one K, ha ha!
No, thankfully no deaths. I'm trying to install a divider screen because I have a really aggressive rainbow shark that has eaten almost every edge of every fin my baby Clown Loach has.
I need to seperate them so that the loach can get healthy so I can add more fish.
But the screen is just a half inch too small and won't fit in the tank. So now, I need to physically remove the Rainbow shark before he completely devours the baby loach.
Which sucks because the 5g hospital tank I have has no protection from The Cats.
-Amyranth
I'm going right to hell for that one. See you guys there!
How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
depends how thinly you slice them.
did she have her hands laying loose in her lap? in a basket or something?
Bob and Mikey love, you say?
Bob is an incredible time keeper who can bang the kick drum like nobody's business. And in some cases...okay...maybe all cases, Bobosan is God.
Mikey knows the way. Thumping it out. Making sweet melody in the basement. He's the foundation. A solid dude.
Love enough?
Mayo, Mayo, Mayo
How are you? Me? I'm completely manic just like I said. Anyways, I just took some night, night medicine.
Well, you know I can't let you get off that easy without some of my classic rambling. I stick by what I said earlier tonight. You can try to bury the past and the memories that go with it, but it always has a way of coming back to haunt you. Time goes by in a blink and before you know it, tomorrow is yesterday. Gone and over with, but the regrets, the pain, the hurt are all still there. And you wonder if you had tried a little bit harder or slowed yourself down just a bit, would you have something real and tangible to hold on to...instead of memories.
I know a quote that says pain is temporary but regret is eternal..and I say fuck that. Sometimes they both last forever.
Now, I am coughing again. Son of a bitch. I don't even smoke. What's wrong with me? I should go to the doctor for so many different reasons, but I can't do it. So what the hell am I bitching about? I dunno.
Okay, so I will no doubt keep thinking about this one and probably give you a new spin tomorrow.
Here's to you my friend.
Some things you have to let go and some things you have to hold on to. The fucked up part is knowing which is which.
Good luck with that!
Love to YOU Always,
S
p.s. been caught stealing...multiple personalities. Can you guess how many?
Love enough?
more plz.
Oh man Kapunua. That's really bad.
Pretty sure the bus is leaving in a few. You'll probably see a few of your e-friends there as well ;)
Ha ha ha Ergo!
True story:
We have a bird feeder hanging off the wall of our back porch. Not only do the birds love it, but the squirrels do too, sometimes emptying the feeder before the birds get a chance to eat.
We've joked for years about how one day some squirrel is gonna come to the door and ask us, "Hey! Why haven't you filled up our buffet?"
Today a squirrel came up to our patio door, literally knocked at the glass, and then walked over to the other half of the door to look inside.
The feeder had been empty for about two hours.
The squirrels are taking over!
J
Kapunua!
I am so glad to know that I won't be alone in hell....I shall save you a good seat.
The fucked up part is knowing which is which.
I wish we all came with a manual.
Take care of yourself, Sdock. Glad to hear you don't smoke. ^_^ You're a good girl. ;D
Mayo... whose body are you snatching, damnit?
erm kapunua doesnt mayo mean hes snatched keyser soze body?
MIB - Here's some "love" from Mikey.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v413/Amyranth/dearmom
-Amyranth
Amy I believe that is what is called karma. Don't want to be eaten by a cat don't eat the other fish. Kapu I loved that joke.
ok massive apologies to Bob and any other really good drummers, but I know a lot of jazz musos and this is from them ...
What is the difference between a drummer and a Dr Scholl insole?
Dr Scholl insoles buck up your feet.
The other night I was invited out for a night with “the boys”. I told
my wife that I would be home by midnight … promise!
Well, the hours passed and the beer was going down way too easy. At
around 2:30 am, drunk as a skunk, I headed for home. Just as I got in
the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3
times. Quickly, I realised she’d probably wake up, so I cuckooed
another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having a quick witty
solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict.
The next morning my wife asked me what time I got in, and I told
her twelve o’clock. She didn’t seem disturbed at all. Whew!
Got away with that one!
She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her
why, she said “Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then
said “Oh fuck!” cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed
another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then farted.
It didn't copy Amy.
Try breaking the URL up. It's not fitting.
Sd10 did you forget that the
virgin Mary pushed me into hell along time ago I've just been waiting for you.
Dr Scholl insoles buck up your feet.
I don't get it.
Frankenstein, The Mummy and Dracula walk into a bar.
"What'll you folks have?" says the bartender.
"MMMmmMmmm HmmFmmmm," says The Mummy.
"Gin and tonic coming right up," the bartender says, and hands one over to the Mummy.
"I'll have a beer," says Frankenstein.
The bartender hands him one then he turns to Dracula. "For you?" he asks.
"Just a cup of boiling water," says Dracula.
The rest all look at him quizically.
Dracula pulls a used tampon out of his pocket.
"TEA!"
(Oh my god, I gross myself out with that one.)
I did forget, mj. Sweeet! We can be roommates!
Amy, I like the Sailor Mars drawing. Is it a birthday card?
Oh Fimble, that was funny.
Thanks for that laugh. All these jokes have me giggling uncontrolably.
My Personal Favorite
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God. "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely, and I'm sick to death of apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a man, Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great." says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. What's the catch, Lord?"
"Well ... you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?" "As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring ... So you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret...you know, woman to woman."
reverse the letters on the "bucks " and "feet"
(notorious drummer troubles)
EEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
That's repulsive.
*BARFS*
mustardisbetter said...
Dr Scholl insoles buck up your feet.
I don't get it.
It's a Spoonerism. ^_^ Switch the letters.
Kapu there is a special play in hell for you for that joke. EWWWW
A girl came home one night with her boyfriend. they stopped on the doorstep to kiss.
He wanted to take it further but she wouldn't.
He pleaded, she wouldn't
He pleaded again, she wouldn't
Suddenly her dad's voice said "just give him a fucking blow job, if you don't I can do it. hell we'll all do it, even your mum. just get it over with and take your fucking hand off the intercom so we can get some bloody sleep".
LOOK mayo. i know poems too!!!!
The Penis Poem
My nookie days are over,
My pilot light is out,
What used to be my sex appeal,
Is now my water spout.
Time was when, on its own accord,
From my trousers it would spring,
But now I’ve got a full-time job,
To find the blasted thing.
It used to be embarrassing,
The way it would behave,
For every single morning,
It would stand and watch me shave.
Now as old age approaches,
It sure gives me the blues,
To see it hang its little head,
And watch me tie my shoes!
2 blondes walk into a bar...
which is funny as you'd think the second one would've seen the first one do it.
An Irishman a Scotman and an Englishman walk into a bar..
"ok" says the bartender "is this some kind of joke?"
Ergo:
Now that I reread it, it's funnier. At first I was just confused and was seeing how close the 'B' key was in relation to the 'F' key. I thought perhaps you had made a typo.
But now that you've had to explain, it doesn't have quite the same punch I don't guess.
I'll reread it again tomorrow and laugh maniacly. :)
Wow, FS has told me that joke is an advert over in your country.
Stop knicking our jokes.
I liked yours k, dirty.
what gets a ketchup stain out of carpet?
There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.
Ten were men and one woman.
The rope was starting to fray so they all agreed that one person
should let go because if they didn’t the rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go so finally the woman gave a real touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands and children, giving in to men, and that after all men were the superior sex and must be saved.
When she finished speaking, all the men clapped….
Never under estimate the power of a woman
oh FS that's a great poem! (maybe mayo should post more like that!)All the jokes are great
i like all these jokes
ergo i agree
BC - It's just an image I 'shopped for someone for her birthda,y so yeah, kind of a birthday card.
Hold on, I'll try the image again.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/
v413/Amyranth/dearmom.jpg
-Amyranth
Nice one Ergo
Fimble, you naughty girl ;)
Kapunua, I laughed so hard. Honestly. My sides hurt now.
I really like it Amy ^_^
I've got one. Descartes is in a bar getting a little too drunk.
The bartender says, "Sir, would you care for another drink?"
"I think not," says Descartes, and disappears.
a piece of string walks into a bar and the bartender says
"get out we don't serve string here"
He goes out and comes back a bit later
"get out!" says the barman disgusted "we don't serve your type here!"
so the string goes outside and twists himself up and messes up his two ends and goes back in
"Lok" says the barman "we don't serve string and you're a piece of string aren't you?"
the string looks up at him and says
" 'fraid not!"
MarthaJones said...
Kapu there is a special play in hell for you for that joke. EWWWW
November 18, 2007 3:13 AM
There is also a special place to go along with the play. Play for real I put play.
All of these are super hilarious...Oprah style.
I wish I had a joke.
Mainly I'm just the butt. ;)
*WAHAHAHAHA! And laughter consumed the audience!
what gets a ketchup stain out of carpet?
seriously, people. does anyone know? don't make me go out into the wild internetz.
TJ what gets ketchup out of carpet?
(is that a joke or a question?)
Kapunua THAT is classic!
A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when she
married she was to please her husband and never upset him.
So the first morning of her honeymoon the young Japanese bride
crawled out of bed after making love, stooped down to pick up
her husband's clothes and accidentally let out a Big fart.
She looked up and said:
"Aww so sowwy...excuse please, front hole so happy back hole
laugh out loud."
pillow talk
Hey babe how about a long night of heavy dirty kinky sweaty rampant unbelievably horney well needed passionate uncontrollable savage bed breaking PILLOW FIGHTING!! lol
it's a question. i just flipped part of my dinner onto the floor.
TJ wipe it all up as best you can and try a little soda water, or shaving cream
and I'm looking in my cleaning book.
DON"T USE HOT WATER!!!
*whispers*
Ketchup is forever
*tackles remaining people*
HI!!!!!!!!!!!
Mayo,
Make these guys behave. My meds are kicking in and I'm going to bed now. Plus, there are dirty dishes in the sink that if I don't wash before I go to bed, then I am guaranteeing myself an ass chewing first thing in the morning.
Guys,
Ya'll be good tonight and play nice and fair with each other. I'll see you all tomorrow!
Love Ya'll to Pieces,
S
soda water. check.
cold sponge. check.
thank you. i have a damage deposit i'd like to get back.
Amy:
So cute, that picture. They kind of resemble eskimos. And if that were the actual case, I don't believe Mikey would ever elect to become an eskimo. Just a hunch.
Bye bye S!
I wuuuv u!
I can't find specific for tomato sauce but bicarb and vinegar work on a lot.
or a bit of soap or shampoo and blot it up so it doesn't spread.
don't use too much water.
.
Goodnight Sdock.
Tell 'im to wash 'em himself. You need your beauty sleep ;)
I'm about to tell a racial joke. YES, ME. But it will make you laugh. ;D
A Choctaw guy walks into this antique store in Chinatown one day. After browsing a while, a bronze rat statue catches his eye.
"Pshshs," he says, "how much for that bronze rat?"
The shopkeeper says, "Five bucks for the rat. A thousand bucks for the story that goes with it."
"I'll just take the bronze rat, thanks," says the Choctaw guy. So he pays his five bucks and goes out of the store.
He hasn't gone a block down the road when a real rat starts to follow him. He's a little disturbed but he ignores it. Another block, and two more rats start to follow him.
A few blocks down from the store and now he's got a TON of rats following him, faster and faster! In a panic he runs towards the pier by the water and he throws the bronze rat into the water. To his amazement, all of the real rats follow and jump right in after it.
So the Choctaw guy goes running back to the antique store.
"So," the shopkeeper says, "did you come back to buy the story?"
"Naw," says the Choctaw guy. "I just came to see if you had any bronze white men."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
hi cupcake
see you Sdock, sweet dreams!
Tanks BC!
Here's another personal favorite.
A guy goes into a bar on the top floor of an 8 storey building.
When he approaches the bar there is a man in a suit seated there, clearly soused, going on and on about how strong the wind currents are outside. The man says that he has no idea how he would know this. The suited man tosses back his drink, staggers to the window, opens it and jumps out. He does a spin in midair and jumps back in the window.
The first guy can't believe his eyes, and the man in the suit continues to rant and rave about air currents. They both continue to drink, and after a few hours, and plenty of alcohol the man in the suit convinces the first guy to try the window trick.
So the man staggers over, manhandles the window open, climbs onto the sill, jumps, and falls to his death.
The bartender turns to the guy in the suit and says "Geez, Superman. You're really mean when you're drunk."
-Amyranth
How many letters are there in the alphabet?
Twenty-four, because E.T. went home.
*coughs*
No one is saying hello!
*cries hysterically*
An old maid wanted to travel by bus to the pet cemetery with the remains of her cat. As she boarded the bus, she whispered to the driver, I have a dead pussy.
The driver pointed to the woman in the seat behind him and said, "Sit with my wife. You two have a lot in common.
good one miss t. hehehehe
ok Jazz trumpeters are notoriously arrogant.(So insert your chosen arrogant person)
How many trumpeters does it take to change a lightbulb?
just one , he holds on and the world revolves around him.
Good night sd10 my roommate. IN HELL!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
Good ones, you guys!
Well, chicks, it's been a giggle, but it's time to go.
Martha, that wet dog reference to SS you made? Gotta tell ya, it created QUITE the vivid visual in my mind. Thoughts of chasing...licking...saying, "Good boy! Good boy...oh, GOOD boy!!"
...Thank you. Thank you so very very much.
Its all about the love.
J
Aww, Mayo, you really did leave before the fun started.
You always end with a jade's trick.
Aww ergo said hi!
Hi ergo!
Hiya Cupcake!
Share some jokes with us!
-Amyranth
good night j
good night sd10.
Nice one K and Ergo.
See you later J. xxxxxxxx
Hello scrumpcious piece of delectable icing covered cake!
I probably misspelled half of that, but Hello!
Joe is sitting on a train across from a
busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt.
Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realises she has gone without underwear.
The blonde realises he is staring and
inquires, "Are you looking at my pussy?"
"Yes, I'm sorry," says Joe and promises to avert his eyes.
"It's quite alright," replies the woman, "It's very talented, watch this, I'll make it blow a kiss to you."
Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss.
Joe, who is completely absorbed, inquires what else the wonder pussy can do.
"I can also make it wink," says the woman. Joe stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him.
"Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. Joe moves over
and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?"
Stunned, Joe replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle, too?"
Bye Original Punks!
I don't think Mayo's left yet.
-Amyranth
bye J
(sorry Bob but I have a lot of musician/ drummer jokes)
What's the difference between a drummer and a drum machine?
You only have to punch the information into a drum machine once!
Oh missT! ahahaha naughty!
Before I leave:
HELLO CUPCAKE!!!
There. Now, don't cry. It's all better.
*hands cupcake a tissue*
Now, goodnight.
later
J
A group of people were traveling cross-country on a Greyhound
bus. The driver had just turned onto the interstate highway
when a woman came up to him and said, “Please stop the bus,
there’s a man back there who’s bothering me.”
The driver said he stop at the very next exit but before he got
there, another woman came up and made the same complaint. When
the driver was finally able to stop, he walked to the rear of the
bus and saw a little old baldheaded man down on his hands and
knees looking under the seats. The bus driver said, “Sir, what
seems to be the problem?”
“I lost my toupee and I’m looking for it. I though I’d found it
several times but mine parts on the side.”
A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day.
The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing."
The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"
Hello cupcake and how are you tonight
I like them ERgo, keep them coming.
I'm getting caught up on the kickball blog.
Thank God I wasn't there for the entirety of that one conversation *raises eyebrows as if to get message across in an allusive way*
Oh Em Gee!*
*Steals everything Kapunua ever came up with ;)
Thank J sleep tight!
Hello MJ, I'm doing pretty well now thanks, you?
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden.
"You're a goblin," she says, "I caught you and you owe me three wishes!". So the goblin replies "OK, you caught me fair and square, what's your first wish?". The woman stops and thinks for a second, "I want a huge mansion to live in.", goblins replies "OK, you've got it.". Woman again thinks it over, "My second wish is a Mercedes." "OK, you've got that too." "My last wish is a million dollars!". The goblin then says "OK, you've got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me." "OK then, if that's what it takes..."
Next morning the little man wakes the woman up.
"Tell me," says the man, "how old are you?" "I'm 27", she replies
"Fuck me", says the man, "27 and you still believe in goblins"
Hi there cupcake how are you?
ergo, thanks for your help. it seems to have worked. :)
ha ha ha!
I'm doing pretty well thanks BC, and how are you? XX
Okay, the last one from me. Back to "regular" conversation after this.
A man and a woman started to have sex in the middle of a dark forest. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, "Damn, I wish I had a flashlight!". The woman says, "Me too, you've been eating grass for the past ten minutes!"
-Amyranth
Goodnight OPs J&L
Did you hear about the bass guitarist who locked his keys in the car?
he had to break in to get the drummer out.
How do trumpeters greet each other?
hello,I'm better than you
Amyranth, oh my god! ;D
oh TJ that's good!
Okay I LIED!
ONE MORE.
Kapu! This one's for you@
Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren't enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, "I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job!" The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he's had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, "That's funny, I dreamed I was skiing!"
I'm fine cupcake. Hey what is the url for the new kickball blog
Last one:
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Amyranth ha ha ha
Amyranth, MissT, too funny!
What do 4 trombones sound like at the bottom of the sea?
A good idea!
How can you tell that a kid on a playground is a trombonist's kid?
He can't swing and he complains about the slide.
What's the difference between a frog driving a car and a trombonist driving a car?
The frog may be on his way to a gig.
(brother is a tromboniist!)
Miss t I loved that one.
Oh misst, you're so funny! marry me?
One more; I heard this one at the Shinnecock Powwow a few months ago.
NDN intermarriage and nation mixing is pretty common. There was this one guy, his mother was Hopi, and his father was part Mohawk and part Navajo.
He was a Homojo! (Which is pronounced homoho. Uhhh, it works better when you say it.)
I don't know if Jennicula is still here but she was bitching at me for not putting any new art up lately.
This is as new as it gets.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v413
/Amyranth/ivyqueen.png
A 3 painting set. Holly King, Ivy Queen, then a portrait of them together.
-Amyranth
Hi everyone! Amyranth, ergoproxy, Miss T, Kapunua, Fimble star, MIB, and anyone I may have missed!
Ergoproxy, that string joke is favorite joke EVER!
Kapunua, how are your dogs doing?
Mayo, thanks for the poem.
I'll marry you cupcake but I'll be a bigamist cos I'm married to CTV too.
Kapunua ha ha ha
homoho and hobosexual
I like it.
Hi, Star!
My dogs are doing better. I had an emergency with the youngest dog today. Scared the christ out of me. >_>
Thank you for asking!
hello sar how are you
Amyranth, I love your drawing. I can only do dirty stick figures!
Oh yes! Who here was the hobosexual?
Hey Star!
Oh bugger.... well if you ever divorce CTV, you know where I am!! lol
Hello star how are you?
Hi star, how are you?
Hi Mayo.
The loss of a best friend is one of the most indelible things in life.
The love of a best friend is indispensible.
Be good.
P.S- Who isn't down with body snatching? :)
Stick figures?
Hmmm. That reminds me.
Oh Hi Star!
It's a date cupcake.
Amyranth, that's awesome!
Yessssss, Mustard. Stick figures indeed.
Kapunua,
I read about the emergency earlier, and my heart went out to you.
My parents and I were saying just tonight that illnesses and emergencies with our pets upset us more than if certain family members are ill.
Hello Lolita Haze how are you?
hi star
I have to go our friend has arrived!
I love the string joke too (plus the mental image)
anyway see you guys luv ya!!
I'll have to read the jokes later
have fun!
Wonderful misst, Hi Lolita!
Jennicula said...
Amyranth, I love your drawing. I can only do dirty stick figures!
I WISH I could do dirty stick figures.
-Amyranth
I'm good Miss T and MJ, and cupcake!
Bye ergo! mwha!
Hey Lolita Haze, how are you?
I feel the same way, Star. Honestly, there are cousins, aunts and uncles that I'd give up before my dogs.
I'm going to so much hell.
Amyranth,
First get your mind in the gutter and then let your creativity flow.
My friend and I like drawing dirty anime...
Hi MJ, Star, K, Miss T, A, S, cupcake, everybunny!
Thanks Kapu!
Hi Star!
I read a quote once, and it's probably gonna make everyone cry for me to repeat it, but it needs to be said.
They believe that pets have no concept of dying.
And that's a blessing.
But that awful certainty lurks
like a dark cloud
in the back of the minds
of all true pet lovers.
And that is our only curse.
-Amyranth
Kapunua,
Absolutely agree!
And Jenn too!
Goodbye EP
I totally am down with that, Amyranth.
Hi LH, how are you?
I WISH I could do dirty stick figures.
Tis easy. What you "accidentally" drew was not a third leg.
...Just sayin'...
Hi Lolita.
Hi lolita
ok one more joke
what do you call a beautiful woman on a drummers arm?
a tattoo
bye!!
Bye Ergo
Jennicula said...
Amyranth,
First get your mind in the gutter and then let your creativity flow.
A girl I work with has never seen a penis. So she did her rendition of it, which looked nothing like it. So I drew a real penis, hair and all. We all had a good laugh. I put the paper back in my pocket.
Later on, a customer wanted me to make a list of the furniture she wanted, so I pulled a piece of paper out of my pocket, flipped it over in my hands, and realized that I was essentially showing her my cock.
I don't embarass easily, but I was nine different shades of red that day.
-Amyranth
I lost a dog I had recently who was around since I was 4... he was a stunning Siberian husky named Mischa, and had to be put down.
I remember wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his fluffy white fur.
It was the most beautiful sunny day.
We buried him beneath an oak tree.
To even think of it makes me cry.
Okay, Amyranth, I just got really choked up. I blew my nose, and sighed
My husband sees me, and says "What happened? Did something happen to Mayo? Are you okay?"
I laughed. You know it's bad when my husband starts asking about Mayo.
Goodbye Ergo. Best sleep wishes I bestow upon you.
Kapunua said...
I totally am down with that, Amyranth.
Sadly, you can see it when you look at them at any age.
-Amyranth
Star - Nobody here knows about Mayo, except for the stuff in the fridge.
-A
Amyranth, it's funnier when it's true lol
That must mean I know shit about Mayo.
I know shit about May-o! I know shit about May-o! I know...shit.............about.
No?
Oh, yeah. Nope. Don't have a
fuck-ing clue and we're neighbors.
Oh cupcake I' so sorry for you. are you are right.
Hey Jennicula! How's tricks?
A girl I teach lost her dog on Tuesday. He was 13. We had a big test and she sat down to take it and started crying. She told me what was wrong, and I got choked up and told her she didn't have to take the test.
I took three days off from work once, so I can't imagine going to school and taking a test.
D'oh.
I can see where that could possibly plant seeds.
I only mean we're fridge door buddies...not like real neighbors or anything. 'Cause that'd be kiiiiinda creepy.
MissT, if you only knew~!
I went to a catholic all-girls high school. We were so holy, we were attached to a convent for Christ's sake!
Anyway, it was lunchtime, and somebody had a banana. Nobody wanted the banana.
Except me.
So, I stuck the banana in my fly, and started dancing. I got a couple of good laughs, until I heard "Excuse me miss, but can I get down those stairs?"
I turned around, and here is an elderly nun behind me, smiling like she's got the light of god on her face, and here I AM with a banana stuck in the fly of my jeans, dancing like a cheap stripper.
Yeap.
-Amyranth
I like to walk into people who are wearing camouflage clothing and say sorry I didn't see you there
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